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“I- love,” Zer0 says, quiet and haltingly to the back of Gaige’s head. And he knows she’s asleep, had waited until he was absolutely sure she couldn’t hear him and still his heart is pounding as if it wants to escape his chest. He pauses, listening to her breathing to make sure his words haven’t woken her and tries again. "I love you,“ he says, his voice wavering slightly but at least he doesn’t stumble over the words this time. Good, he thinks, Now I just need to be able to do that when she’s actually able to hear me.
He groans, shaking his head at himself and presses a kiss into her shoulder. Zer0’s not sure why he’s having so much trouble with this, why it had taken him so long to figure out what was going on. Gaige had been saying that she loved him for months, all earnest and open like it was no big deal. And it hadn’t really given him pause since the first time, was just something she said that made his chest feel all warm and happy. But in spite of his positive reaction, it had still taken him months to consider that just maybe, he loved her back.
Perhaps it’s because this warm, precious thing between them is nothing like what he’d imagined love to be back in the day. Love was a waste of time, a rush of hormones that takes over your brain and turns you into a mindless drone doing anything to earn and keep the affections of your intended. He’d assumed that if he was in love with Gaige, he’d feel conquered, his original self lost and overcome. How could he have know that love (or at least loving her) would feel so… natural? Like she belonged here, in his life, and by his side. Like every change he made for her was logical and sound.
The first time he’d realized what exactly was going on, he was back on his ship, taking a quick post-mission shower and as he’d reached out to grab his own soap, he’d accidentally knocked her shampoo over. As he’d leaned over to pick it up and put it back, the sound of Gaige working and her music was just audible over the running water and he’d smiled, the combination of these two very mundane things filling him with a strange fondness that a few months ago would have seemed incredibly stupid and he’d been struck by just how normal it all was now. This is his life, him and her, living together, working together, and having fun together, day in and day out, through the good and the bad.
And in that moment, he’d seen the logical future spread out before him, of this going on and on (unless he grievously fucked something up) until they died and the thought makes him incredibly happy and only a little scared. Because he realized that while he wasn’t paying attention, while he was just having fun and doing what seemed right at the time, he’d been slipping more and more to the point where Gaige was a permanent part of him. That even if she left him now, he’d still worry about her, still have her back if she called and he’d still want her to be happy, even if it wasn’t with him. So ever since that day, whenever Gaige says she loves him, he’s been trying to say it back, because what is love really if not that?
Gaige turns over in her sleep, bringing his focus back to the present as she starts to bury her face in his chest. He thinks she’s still asleep but then she opens her eyes and with a big, dumb smile, mumbles, "Love ya babe.”
Zer0 freezes, his chest tight for a moment and then he closes his eyes, letting out a big sigh before he manages to whisper, “I love you too.”
And he’s holding his breath, waiting for the shock to wear off and Gaige to smack him or kiss him or whatever the appropriate response to such a delayed love confession is and… nothing. Not a word. After a minute, he opens his eyes to see Gaige unconscious, her mouth slightly open and snoring. And Zer0 can’t decide whether he should laugh or scream but eventually settles for pulling her in close, whispering “Fucking hell,” and waiting for his heart rate to slow down before falling asleep.