Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

The man known as Peter Lukas dies inside his realm, the archivist tries to pull an answer out of him that he refuses out of both spite towards him and wrongly set loyalty to a man who is probably gleefully smiling at his demise. Elias must have thought him a childish fool in Peter’s last moments, and that thought is perhaps the last one he has for a long, long while.

Contrary to what people may think, what happened wasn't exactly death. Not quite. If the archivist had pulled that maneuver in any other place, if it was in the Panopticon, or simply outside of Peter’s beach, then maybe he would have truly been gone. Instead what occurred was that Peter dissipated, turned into part of the fog that he had cherished for most of his life.

In normal circumstances it could have taken him years to reform into something resembling human, and in that process he would have woken up completely bare of any memory, the lonely had to feed itself somewhere if it wanted to pull him back together.

However, what he did not count on was that a month in the process of being…basically nothing (no deeper thought or a mind to fully process the movement of time), Elias would succeed in his ritual. 

That had its own consequences but the main thing to take away from it is the fact that now Peter, despite being a fragment of himself, had a realm, that in itself meant he was feeding passively. What should have taken years and most of his memories took months only.

He woke up one day, fully solid, he was very disoriented and very confused, but he was above all else alive. He could only enjoy that for a few hours before the sensation of being watched became unbearable. Something was staring at him, seeing him. After months in a vacuum of non existence, the horrible experience of being and worst of all, of being perceived was hitting him hard.

Because despite him having a lonely realm, the eye was still there, watching. He was unsure if Elias was actively seeking him out, some days he felt like someone was pinning him like a bug against a frame, then the sensation would subsist. It was quite upsetting to be honest, he had no energy to intervene with the people suffering in his little realm, instead he was left alone to ruminate and think.

To be pissed off at Elias for winning, yet in his heart he knew it was his fault, because Jonathan asked, if Peter had answered then none of this would have happened. Yet he didn't.

He kept his mouth shut, he kept to himself and paid the price and now he is here, in the world Elias made with the archivist.

Peter can only “enjoy” it for a month, or what he thinks its a month, its hard to tell to be honest the passage of time but he likes to think thats how long has been since he woke up.

Point is, he spends some time there before it all crumbles down once more. Literally.

The change back doesn't happen….as immediately as one would expect. Yes, the closer you were to the Panopticon the quicker it happened, Peter’s apartment building was close enough to London that he felt it when it changed. It was panic inducing and it was so disorientating he almost fell to the floor as if he had been drunk and it was just hitting him. He saw the tower starting to crumble in the distance.

“Oh” He said.

Fuck , he thought. Its unclear what moves him, if its the slowly dawning realization that soon all the people trapped in their empty and small apartments will start to crawl out like ants crowding the place or that Elias just lost and he is not sure what that means for him, but whatever it is? Peter runs.

He runs to the crumbling tower.

Its a struggle, the place looks like a battlefield, people are still dazed enough its easy to scramble away from them or any crowds. The world was slowly sewing itself back together, which means soon whatever the fears did would start to be unmade.

And that will be troublesome.

On his way to the Panopticon he finds two giant cats, familiar at least, albeit they started to get smaller and smaller as they followed him along to the ruins of the institute. His cats were above all loyal to a fault and they were already close to being sentient or avatars, he is unsure if they will lose that level of intelligence once its all over.

He takes it with a grain of salt and lets them guide him to the tower. He is not even sure why he came, he should have left anywhere else in the world, but here he was, looking at a bunch of rubble. His cats go around, they are getting progressively tinier, so he hopes they don't get lost. 

Peter looks around not sure what he was looking for, maybe a body, a corpse to put himself at ease, that Elias was, truly and once and for all gone. Somehow it did not bring him as much joy as he thought. He had wanted Martin to kill him, yes, but there was a lot at stake and now when the worst has already happened…well, he did not want to lose…

Lose what? Peter was still in too much shock to think.

But he does find a body, oh he does, it was bloody, it was messy and it was Elias. Stab wounds on his chest, his leg and hand were…definitely broken and then there was his head, there was a nasty gash on it, blood all over.

The other unusual thing that sent shivers down his spine was the fact that he was surrounded by tape reels. All of them intertwined around him like spiderwebs, it almost looked like a sort of cocoon, if he paid attention he would realize that the way they were wrapped seemed almost to protect him from the worst of the debris.

Now the other thing that made him feel cold was that Elias blood was mixed up, it wasn't all red it was…black, almost inky. He was still and pale and looked far too small for someone who always seemed to be greater than the body he had. Peter stills, staring at his body.

Soon people will come over, soon there is a chance Elias will be burnt to a crisp to maybe get the evil out of this earth. He can’t…make himself move, something was lodged on his chest and he wasn't sure what it was. He kneels down.

“You bastard, you got over your head didn't you?”

There was no reply, he didn't expect one. Not with…this. He has to leave, for his own good, someone will come here soon and he needs to hide out for a while till things get solved and he can figure out what to do.

He has no idea if their flat is even still there. Peter was so wrapped around his thoughts it took him a moment to realize there was a wheezing and wet noise coming from the ground. When he looks down he sees that Elias was twitching, maybe convulsing, the blood from his chest was slowing down apparently. His chest was also very slowly, so slowly it was barely noticeable mind you, rising and falling, as if he was breathing.

Freezing he takes a moment before he drops down in the rubble again checking for a pulse, which he finds. How is he alive?? It did not matter. What now? Leave him here? People will find him and kill him for sure, what else could they do to the man who orchestrated the end of the world? 

Leave.

Go .

But… But , goddammit. Peter does not, he pushes away the pieces of rubble that were laying on top of Elias and pulls his coat off, then he very carefully picks him up, wrapping him in it. Whatever it was keeping him alive, be it the slivers of beholding that were slowly slipping away from this world, it was not going to keep him for much longer at this rate, he needed a doctor and quick.

He needed a place that was far away from people too. There was only one place Peter knew fit those needs, so with a curse and very little inside his brain he picks up Elias and then he books it. There were cars laying around, most of them had keys on the ignition. Peter places him in the backseat, then he looks around and sees his cats trying to…scratch something in the rubble, cursing he runs back to pick them up, but he hears soft meowing and with a heavy heart he lifts some rocks and finds one more cat.

Of course, where else would she be? He takes her with, Empress Socks was fine, just…had a few cuts and scrapes, hopefully he can disinfect them and fashion her a little jacket or something so she doesn't bite them. God knows she is a grumpy cat sometimes.

Still he can't help the sheer relief to know all their pets are alive and mostly well. He was worried he would never see them again. (Was he? Could he be worried? Truth is right now the sight of the cats was making him want to cry for reasons he can't even fathom, so he will say yes)

He drops all three cats in the seat next to him and after a beat he turns on the car, Peter has a drivers license, he almost never uses it because having a car is kind of pointless when he travels so much and hailing cabs is much more reasonable, but he does theoretically know how to drive.

Its been a long bloody while, but he turns on the car. It's a really bumpy ride, in every way that counts, but somehow he manages to make his way to Mooreland despite his driving skills and the people slowly coming out of the city to realize the world has changed once more.

In the meantime he can only focus on Elias wheezing breaths, waiting for the moment he can't hear them anymore.

Mooreland is empty, almost. There are a few stragglers, but that's fine, he just needs one. He just needs a doctor, it takes him a while but he finds one of his…cousins? Nephews? Who he remembers vaguely seeing in a funeral, he mentioned he was working in a hospital. He only remembers that because Elias had tagged along to that particular funeral and made a few funny comments about him, telling Peter how standoffish he was to his coworkers and how he was also desperate to get approval from his father.

That cousin thankfully had enough of his wits to see Elias and try to fix him up.

His home had an infirmary, they tended to hire doctors themselves to treat the children. There were questions that could be asked about the kids' development if they went to a hospital and well, no one wanted to deal with that. It served him well, his cousin was still a bit too ghostly pale and his hands were shaky but he was still level headed enough to rip Elias clothes off and check him out. Peter stayed, for some reason.

It was unnerving to see someone touch Elias while unconcious, Peter was clutching his arms tightly. What also did not help his fraying nerves was the injuries, the stabs, the bruises on his chest, head and legs. The leg was awful and he could not look at it. His cousin stopped a few times to stare at the black ink pouring out of Elias' wounds. Flowing like blood.

“He should be dead, by all means, he is not supposed to be alive, not with those wounds, not- how–? What is even that-”

Peter doesn't know. “Best guess is whatever is left of beholding is keeping him alive, it won't last. The tower is gone, the fears are…”

His cousin pauses and stares at him with a moment of fear.

Leaving.

“The lonely-”

Peter shakes his head. “His archivist must have done something, I don't know, can you fix him?” He doesn't know his name, Peter doesn't bother to ask. His cousin looks at Elias and says he needs to do surgery and set the bone of his leg and check for more inside damage.

“Also check the bleeding on his head, for all we know he could be…brain dead, at least if the tower fell on him there is a chance…” Peter feels that pit on the bottom of his stomach rise, like acid burning him from the inside out.

“Can you do that?”

“I– I need help and the equipment we have…”

“Can you?” His voice rises, his cousin flinches and steps back, Peter remembers idly he is taller and bigger and that he was the family’s main heir. He runs a hand through his hair and asks with a forced cheerfulness that he was not feeling if there is a way to fix it.

“...I can try. I just need…I- i need more help, some of our other cousins could…”

Fuck. Bloody hell.

“Can you look for them? I don't…know their faces” He blinks and nods nervously before making his way out. Peter gets closer to Elias, waits till the other is gone by the sound of his footsteps, then he turns to speak directly to the unconscious man. “You are not dying, not now, not till i can rub your loss into your face, you are not dying before that. I'm not letting you, I want to be smug about this, I want to tell you, I told you so . So you are not bloody dying do you understand me? Elias if you can hear me, you are not going to die” 

There is no reply, the room is quiet, his cousin takes twenty minutes to come back, Elias looks so pale its making him uneasy, the bleeding stopped somehow but he does not look better.

When his cousin comes back with a few more dazed looking Lukas, things seem to be looking up, just barely so.

He is asked what blood type Elias has, Peter has to wrack his brain, thats the sort of thing he cant be bothered to learn, he cant- His cousin has a nervous and grim face, Peter tries hard as he can to remember and after a long pause he slowly says he is B+.

He only remembers because he made a joke about it to Elias, who got so annoyed at it he threw a pillow at his head.

The man had been grumpy and Peter just told him to bee more positive. He laughed quite hard that day, Elias not so much. Somehow that stupid moment got seared into his brain and is enough for his cousin to ask if anyone can donate blood.

Peter is unfortunately A+ which is very unlucky right now.

They get blood, they have medication and his cousin does surgery on Elias, which is a light way to say it's a bloodbath and Elias had a bit of beholding still inside him.

Literally .

The eyeballs scared the crap out of his cousins and Peter was admittedly too squeamish to look; he just told them to remove them and that was that. 

Its been a week. Peter stays in the same room as Elias, he keeps the cats too, concerned someone will kill them. Paranoid really. Most of his family has left the manor, all of them searching for other places to go. The one benefit of the lonely, as the week went by and he watched the news, is that lonely avatars were less hunted down than the other sorts. Simply because the avatars did not interact with their victims. 

That bought them all the time and plausible deniability they wanted once people calmed down and the government went back to work. 

The world after the end was chaotic and messy and Peter was exhausted. He saw Simon being lynched on television live. He sat frozen as the shitty images were played on the news, as people seemed to upload videos of hunting down avatars while others advocated for the ones who were forced to be ones. There was a large talk about people who were forced into a situation and those who actively enjoyed making people suffer.

What do you do? Send them to jail? Kill them? Well, some angry mobs decided enough was enough and proceeded to just do that. Peter watches it all unfold feeling…all sorts of things he barely remembers how to feel. The fears were truly gone apparently, he could not use forsaken at all, he tried, oh he tried so hard, but nothing came out, nothing was working.

He was stuck in this world with no extra power.

Elias meanwhile was in a coma, his cousin told him there is a chance he may never wake up. Peter did not want to believe it because after everything he refuses to think this asshole will just-

That Elias is-

…

He sighs and rubs his face exhaustedly. He can't do this god. Elias' leg is in a cast, his chest is bandaged, Peter has to disinfect his stitches, he has to clean him up gently because rolling him around is hard. His head has a stitched up gash, thankfully he did not develop any brain damage, the coma is…well god knows at this point huh? 

Peter just hovers around him, he looks around the house for food, occasionally crosses paths with a Lukas or two who likewise seem to look like a deer caught in front of a headlight. None of them is used to bumping into each other. He has barely any recollection of seeing others as a child, at least the adults always made themselves scarce, the children always seemed to be everywhere and nowhere at the same time.

He finds it odd that he hasn't seen any children around yet. He wonders where they went.

…On difficult days he asks himself if they are dead. Peter doesn't like to think about that too much, because there are layers to that question, and if he falls down the rabbit hole he will turn to look at Elias one day and he will find himself wanting to…

To what? If he wanted him dead he could have killed him a hundread times by now, if he wanted him dead he could have left him on the remains of the Panopticon to be found by angry mobs so they could lynch him.

Could haves, would haves, what if-

None of them make him feel any better.

At night he lays on his side of the bed. Elias is still next to him, he breathes, but…its almost as if he wasn't there. When he turns on his side to stare at him, Peter wonders if it would be kinder to smother him with a pillow. Its unprompted, its terrible, he actually considers it.

But he cant .

He tries to think why he can't bring himself to do it, sure he said he wanted to see his face when he realized he failed, sure he likes to threaten the sleeping Elias, but why cant he bring himself to kill him?

Why is Elias still there, why did he bring him back to Mooreland, why nurse him back to health?

Why, why, why?

And in his heart, in his wretched glassy heart he knows the answer. It's not love, no, its fear .

He can't bring himself to let Elias go, because Peter is afraid. The thing is, the real truth of the matter is that no avatar can not be afraid of their patron in some way. Even Peter himself, he likes his solitude, he does, people bother him, crowds are unbearable and even now, after all those months as not being a person just having a few of his family members around is enough to make him feel sick.

But that's not the point, the point is that Peter is afraid…of being alone.

Because if Elias dies then he has no one, his family doesn't count, none of them know how to live with each other. Elias is the only thing he knows for real, the only solid thing he has in a world where he no longer has Forsaken on his side. Elias is the only person who knows Peter and who puts up with him and who may have an idea about what to do. Because despite how much it sucks to admit, Peter has no idea what he is doing. He doesn't! He has no answer, not beyond packing and moving as far away from London as possible, somewhere where he can't be recognized.

Peter has been an avatar since he was 12 years old, he doesn't know how to live without it, everything feels like too much right now, whatever numbness he had was slowly melting away and every little thing felt like it was shot into his brain, its enough to almost bring him to tears with how overwhelming it is. The world looked far too colorful and bright and the idea of trying to figure it all out on his own was terrifying . Peter simply didn't know how to do it, not without forsaken there. He had been an avatar for his entire life, even before he became he was still made to be part of it.

Without it he feels truly lost and Elias, despite being the cause of all his problems…was the only person who he had left, who understood, because Elias had beholding for almost two centuries and now…they are both alone. Their powers are gone.

Simon is gone, Peter’s family is scattered through the winds, god knows where Tadeas is and if Peter tried to get the Tundra back his crew would riot and probably try to kill him now that he is just a man.

Mikaele has been gone for a few years now, so it's truly just him.

And for the first time in his life, being alone is not an option he wants. 

Elias breathes slowly, Peter moves closer to him and a hand touches his face, trailing on his cheeks. Elias makes no sign of feeling the touch, the dread on the pit of his stomach is too much to bear. What if this is just it?

What if Elias is alive but gone and Peter is the only one left. What should he do then?

What indeed.

He has nightmares, spends all night being chased but memories of his childhood, of the apocalypse or what if things went worse than they did. He twists and turns and when he wakes up feeling sweaty and like he is confused he turns to Elias expecting to see his eyes wide open. There is none of that, no stalking him in his dreams, no… nothing.

Just Elias asleep.

Well he likes to think he is asleep and not in a coma for reasons he doesn't want to dwell on.

He moves to the room next to the one Elias sleeps in, somehow he feels like being so close just makes it all worse at night. 

There is also the fact that Peter just…keeps having nightmares whenever he sleeps next to Elias, its not just him either, Daniel had to stay over because Elias developed a fever and he mentioned he had this awful terrible dreams while he stayed there, his face was pale and sickly. The fears are gone, so he has no idea what could possibly be doing that, as far as he understands Elias is back to being a normal regular human once again so he is very concerned about what could that possibly mean.

During the day however Peter doesn't do much, not beyond tending to Elias' wounds, walking around the state, albeit he is paranoid and concerned someone in his family will try to kill his husband so he doesn't walk too far away out of fear. Nothing happens but he can't help the paranoia. Besides the archivist Elias is the second most important person related to the apocalypse and he would rather not have anyone get on his way. Peter is keeping Elias out of selfishness for himself to be honest, but he doesn't care.

Its his life and he can do whatever he wants with it. He hopes at least.

Money assets take a while to figure out after the…hell that they went through, cell phone reception was hell on earth, literally hah! Its a month before most communications go back online properly, Peter has to check during that time what's up with his finances.

Miraculously he was not given up for death so his money was not frozen after his “passing”, he is sure Elias did not tell his family what happened at all, and in the space between the ritual they had no reason to investigate Peter’s disappearance. A small mercy to be honest, spared him from having to talk to someone to let them know hey, I did not die. Can I have my bank account reinstated please? Let alone all the legal documents that have to come from that. 

Well sort of, since a lot of people were still missing worldwide, people had been forced to fill in some forms to confirm their identity and state of livelihood, which is reasonable, he thinks, but also annoying to fill in. Then again, documentation is kind of a mess right now, it wouldn't be hard to just…pretend to be someone else. Not with so many people getting screwed over by the stranger and having swapped faces apparently. That's what the telly says.

Peter checks the news a lot, and when the internet comes back online he has a bit more access to people’s situations to scope out what is going on worldwide.

Manhunts for avatars, reviewing each case to see which ones were accidents and which ones were on purpose…

Child avatars are mostly all exempt, albeit some countries were a few incidents showing some of the children were not…quite right. Like Peter probably, child avatars from before the change depending how they were made…well some of them might have thrived on the apocalypse. 

Keeping up to date with all the information was making him uneasy, his paranoia was getting worse, despite being safely hidden away in Mooreland, but this couldn't last forever he knew, something had to give and Peter was not going to spend the rest of his life here, he just…needed Elias to wake up, to bounce off ideas about where to go, that's all.

He needed a job to lie low, he needed a place where he could settle away from London where the few people who worked with him could recognize him or Elias. Peter also wanted a comfortable place to be honest.

Not too loud, not too rowdy or full of people.

The temptation to become a lighthouse keeper was big, he could even have Elias there with him, but if it was truly just the two of them stuck in an island alone with no other people around and minimal contact to the outside world, one of them would truly snap and kill the other for real.

They both like each other, but completely cutting themselves off from society together is a recipe for disaster, Peter can't deal with people right now, or emotions. His moods have started to flip a lot in uncomfortable ways and he will take it out on Elias if he has no other distraction. Elias will make it worse because he knows how to hit low and how to get on his nerves. Soon they will be both at each other’s throats and then one of them will get hurt. 

So they need entertainment, they need a place a bit more secluded but with enough people to not lose their minds. Most of his crew was from London with a few exceptions so he has to be wary of that. Elias' staff will recognize him immediately and will try to kill him, that's a bigger issue.

An…island? Some countries from the european union so its easier to leave in case of emergency? World wide communication is still kind of sorting itself out and admittedly cameras and face recognition seems to be busted completely. He thinks its a consequence of the stranger and the spiral.

Honestly good riddance, Peter doesn't like feeling watched, even by cameras or the government. Easier for him to walk in the lonely and skip all that.

The pang of loss about his lack of powers is strong and it makes him stumble over his steps. He was walking in the forest near his home, the same path he had done hundreds of times in his childhood. He stops when he is closer to the edge, where he would continue his path till he could hitch a ride to the city.

He doesn't want to go to the city, he just wants to sit on a log and think. He wishes Tadeas was here, just because his organization is impeccable, his first mate was a great asset and he could do with a second opinion. He could do with Simon there bugging him too, he…would really love to hear his voice. Its so strange, he barely remembers what its like, grief.

He hasn't felt grief since he was a child and his mother killed that bird, since Judith gave him one last hug and left. Since Lydia and Clara and Aaron-

Peter’s eyes burn along with his chest, his hands feel clammy and cold and he doesn't know why it bothers him, it has never bothered him before. He was happy to have his siblings leave, he barely remembers his oldest sisters and Judith and Aaron were only nuisances. Simon was annoying too, yes he has known him since he was a child but he was so…

And he is never going to see him again, or play cards with him or have him pop up in his ship to catch up and drag him to hunt down people in stupid ways- Peter's chest aches and his breaths come in quick little puffs, why does it hurt?! He shouldn't feel anything! Why is he not numb? Why is he so…emotional??? He doesn't know, he doesn't- He can't make himself stop, he can't.

He drowns on land and the thought that Simon would have loved that joke almost makes him stop, almost, but it doesn't. So instead he chokes up and starts to breath too fast till he sees black spots in his eyes. He has no idea what he is doing anymore.

For the next hour he stays there.

Alone .

Trying to settle something he barely remembers how it felt like.

Days pass, no news, Elias is still out. Peter starts to develop violent mood swings on his own, he has no idea what causes it. Sometimes he feels staticy inside, then he sees something innocuous in the manor and he feels angry.

Violently so.

He walked past his childhood bedroom and Peter felt a wave of fury so bad he had to literally sit down to breath because he kept clenching his hand so hard he thought skin might break. The room was empty and bereft of any decorations. It was honestly depressing so he was unsure why it made him so….mad.

Other days he is just doing fine and before he knows it he has lost 3 to 4 hours dissociating. The worst days are when he feels a hit of something so…so sad and deep and like its tearing him from the inside out that he can't help but to cry.

Cry! Peter hasn't cried since he was a child. He barely remembers it, but now? Now he will be ok, eating some soup he made because his stomach rolls with nausea a bit too much to keep solid food and then-! Then he would smell the soup and he would start tearing up.

Other times he is cleaning up Elias, dressing his wounds and then he stares at his face for too long and feels a mix between violent rage and so much sorrow it knocks the wind out of him. His cousin, the one who did the surgery, comes to check on Elias too, changes the fluid bag and tells him that his vitals are all stable and well, that his injuries seem to be healing.

He says he has contacted a hospital and can get more equipment. Nothing too fancy, there is a lot of injured people out there but they can get private help. Peter thanks him, says that will be enough.

His cousin pauses and asks if it wouldn't be better to move Elias to a real proper hospital. Peter gives him a long look that clearly makes him uncomfortable. “What do you think happens if anyone recognizes him as the head of the Magnus Institute?” He sees him freeze and shiver. Peter asks something else. “What's…your name? I know i should have asked, but-”

The sigh is soft, his voice is a bit nervous but he says its Daniel. 

“Right Daniel, if someone finds out who he is, he is dead and i didnt put this much effort into keeping him alive so anyone can just…kill him whenever”

The silence is familiar, Daniel checks Elias' chest. After two minutes he asks with a soft yet less nervous voice why did Peter save him. “Wouldn't it be better to let him die?”

He could say many things to that, instead he asks why didn't he refuse his request if that's what he wanted? Why not slice his throat during surgery.

Daniel finishes redressing Elias and says in a far more collected tone, fit for a Lukas really, that its his job. “Its not the first time i tend to someone who should die, it won't be the last, that's what the family wanted. Except for grandfather, he did deserve to die” His tone is dry and steely. Daniel plays with the equipment while Peter gives him a long assessing look before nodding. Theodore Lukas was an unpleasant old man. 

No one would mourn him or question his disappearance, especially after the apocalypse.

“May I steal his wheelchair?” His cousin's lips twitch upwards slightly, he has the fox-like look some Lukas have. They either come in two shapes big and broad or small and sharp.

Or Like Elias once told him, bears and foxes. Peter remembers being grumpy about the comparison. He also remembers getting a kiss, saying that Peter followed his family’s typing to a T. After all…Elias was sharp and small, a fox and a bear he said, he was absolutely appalled by that comparison but he only got another kiss for his outrage.

“Please do, no sense to let it go to waste, its a really expensive piece of equipment” Right, he thought that was it, but his cousin asked once more. “Why do you want him to live?” He doesn't back down when Peter looks down at him, both of them seem to be going through their own…withdrawal. He can see the way he shakes slightly, the paleness and bags under his eyes mirrored by Peter’s.

The same puffy eyes too.

Weakness in this house is not allowed. “I want him to see how he failed, nothing more”His cousin tilts his head like a bird would, curious. 

Peter asks a question to rattle him instead, why is he still here? That's something he hasn't really understood yet.

“...Im waiting” Peter asks what for, Daniel walks to the door. “I'm waiting for my wife to come back home so we can finally leave this place together for once” Peter stills, unsure why, at least till the other adds, before closing the door leaving him alone with Elias- “I hope your husband wakes up soon Peter”

Then he is gone.

He throws a vase at the door but there is no answer. He goes to clean up the floor after ten minutes of pure anger aimed at…nothing, at everything. He has no idea why he even reacted like that at all. He has no idea at all.

Week two is full of stress, Elias got a cold somehow, his breathing is raspy, not only that but Peter woke up to the sound of someone choking and had to check on Elias, running into the room, he had to turn him to the side and force him to throw up.

It was black goop.

His memories are blurry but Daniel appeared, he cursed and checked on Elias and after half an hour he told Peter he didn't know what that was.

“What? Isn't it blood-”

“No, it's actually not, it's ink, he is…spitting ink out of him, I don't…look, he has been an avatar for what? Two hundred years? His body is probably trying to get rid of anything beholding related inside him. My theory is that the avatars who were more changed by their patrons will have a worst time getting them off, the Lukas and the lonely are a special case, we don't necessarily change physically much, so its not as taxing, its more…more emotional albeit the emotional part can manifest in the body too if its too extreme, why do you think most of us look so…”

Peter winces. “Its…all of-”

“ Yes , but those who were more entrenched with it have it worse” That's when he gives him a long stare and Peter squirms. “He is going to be sick, and that…will happen, at least till he purges all of it, maybe by then he will finally wake up, or…”

Clenching his hands he asks what.

“Or he cant handle it and he dies”

The pit at the bottom of his stomach that he feels at that is so strong he feels dizzy. He sees Daniel's hand hover but never reach out to touch him, Peter winces back and he steps aside. Both of them looked uncomfortable.

Soft sandy hair, brown eyes and a pale complexion that only the Lukas had. The freckles seem to be a permanent fixture in their family for some reason. Daniel was in his pajamas, Peter too, this was too much and he just woke up from another uneasy dream.

“I will take care of it, do i need to know something in specific-”

A nod and then an explanation on what to do if Elias starts to choke up. Its thankfully similar enough as to what he knows to do if someone is drunk and you have to set them to sleep so they don't choke on their vomit at least. A small win.

Daniel goes and Peter goes to empty the bucket of ink on the toilet. Then he washes it and puts it next to Elias who was shivering. Peter cant go back to his bedroom, if he does he will be straining to hear any noise. So its back to sleeping here, despite the nightmares.

He crawls into bed, lying above the sheets. He felt too hot and uncomfortable to place them over him, but like this at least, he could stay close enough to Elias who seemed to accept his body heat. It was enough to have him stop shivering.

“I wonder if you can hear me” Its soft, barely a whisper. “People say that those in a coma can hear what's happening around them. Are you there? Do you hear me? Elias…”

Peter sighs and presses a kiss to the side of his head.

“I hate you so much” Then a pause, his voice is more cracked than he wanted, more desperate. “Please wake up, because i have no idea what i'm doing”

There is no quip, no smirk, no eyes opening. There is only the quiet that this house has always been known for, Peter is more alone now than he has ever been, even with Elias right next to him.

Medicine on the nightstand, cats curled up next to a sleeping man, a bucket with dark stains that probably will never be able to be removed.

Week 3 is just as miserable. No more fever at least, no more throwing up. That still leaves Elias still and stiff on the bed. Peter has to roll him around, move his legs a bit, wash him with a wet cloth. Its not nice, its not pleasant and its not something he signed out for. He still does it for some reason, maybe to have more to rub around Elias' face once he wakes up, more to lord over him so he knows he owes him for his life, for his health…

Letting out a long breath Peter decides to go take a break, walk around for a bit for his own peace of mind. He regularly catches sight of family members, someone goes to buy food apparently, the servants are gone, which is quite obvious when he starts to notice the dust laying around, he is not equipped to clean up a house this size on his own, so he merely focuses on keeping his and Elias room clean along with the kitchen.

The garden against all odds still seems to thrive, so someone around must be taking care of the plants and grass, whoever it is he never sees them let alone hears them mowing anything. It's almost unnerving.

Mornings are foggy, literally, Mooreland was prone to foggy mornings, aside from the lonely, it was his favorite part of the day. He would wake up, check on Elias, go to the bathroom, change and then he would go outside, to walk across the garden into the fog. For a moment, while surrounded by it, he could pretend that it was the cold stinging embrace from forsaken.

Just for a moment.

He thinks about being nothing for almost six months, of the pain of the statement taken out of him till it completely crushed him and then-!

Then blissful ignorance for the next foreseeable future, nothing. He has no recollection of anything in that span of time, of what being a person was, some days he finds himself being clumsy, some days he tries to pick up a spoon to eat breakfast and the thing slips from his fingers completely by accident. His hand forgot the motion to grab.

Some days, he feels too tight, like his body is too tight and he should be more, just…more. Nothing. Perhaps that had been the blessing, perhaps he should have died and become a part of the lonely, maybe like that when the fears left it took him with.

Maybe it would have been kinder. 

…but he may never know and the sun will rise and the fog will retreat and then he is back. He is alive, breathing, eating, existing. Hiding.

Another day.

Peter was sleeping once more in the room next to Elias, since he was once more back to being stable, he decided to sleep on his own for his peace of mind, he tended to drift a bit too much if he stayed next to the other man and the nightmares he got had started to wake him up with anxiety attacks.

His blood pressure would not survive like this, its like Elias is a giant psychic attack for some reason. Anyways his brain tends to go down a bad path and no amount of talking to an unconscious man would make it better, so he sleeps next door. 

One day, out of the blue he wakes up in the middle of the night, unsure why really, he was having a nice dream for once too, there is no noise, his door was closed and when he turns on the light everything is fine.

So why…?

He feels the need to go check on Elias, its the paranoia he thinks, its the constant exhaustion regarding the other’s livelihood. He should roll over and sleep, he should.

…

…

…

Fuck.

He gets up, feeling already cranky and tired and he will just go, see him asleep, check for his breathing and pulse and when he finds them just collapse back in bed. Yet when he gets up he notices Elias door slightly ajar, Peter stills, there is a faint light coming from what he can only think its the bedside table lamp.

Quietly, because he learned the ways of this house and how to move through it without making a single noise, he steps closer trying to see what the hell happened. Through the crack he notices a figure sitting next to Elias with a…

Peter shoves the door open, and sees a woman sitting down next to Elias, he had seen a knife, albeit from his position he didnt see the apple she was holding on her other hand. Elias was still out of it, completely unconscious.

He doesnt recognize her face, he does recognize the sensation of wrong when she looks up at him with an expression of disappointment, its enough to make him feel ashamed. Her expression does not get better once she gives one quick swoop over his figure and Peter remembers he is in a pair of shorts and a shirt he stole from someone around the house.

“Mother”

“Peter” She continues to peel the green apple with no hurry at all, she looked regal, her back completely straight, her hair was an ashy blonde, her skin was fair and her eyes were brown and cold. She wore a black dress, she didnt look older than fifty, despite him knowing better, the lonely could theorically stop your aging if you wanted it to, Peter was more on the line of wanting to live one life because it was more lonely if he died.

He wanted to make Elias lonely really, but that was probably stupid. The man must have not cared a single bit after his archivist ended Peter.

“Why are you here…in the middle of the night, peeling…an apple next to-”

“You are wasting your time, you know? Taking care of him” Peter is frozen at the door entrance as she finishes peeling and proceeds to cut a slice of apple before taking a bite. “Your spouse is effectively a vegetable and you are wasting your days languishing here, tending to him as if Magnus was to wake up any time soon. There are better things to worry about” 

Peter takes a deep breath and lets it out, he realizes with some awful timing that he is starting to feel more and more unease by her presence, that she…scares him. She always had, he did not lie to Martin mothers are complicated and Peter despises his own, to this moment he did not even remember her face but having her here right now-

Its daunting.

He wishes she was dead.

“I am busy and what I do with my time is up to me. I have my own priorities mother” He feels his hands shake as he adds with a bravado he does not feel: “That you let your husband die is your business, there is no lonely anymore and I think i'm going to keep mine around, so why don't you go to the hell where you came from you bloody hag ”

She does not respond to the curse. She merely points out that the lonely is gone because of Elias.

“What? No, he created the ritual, the lonely and the other fears are gone because of his archivist-”

At that she finally scoffs. “Always his archivist, first it was Gertrude, stopping your… “ritual” then-” He can alsmot feel the quotation marks on the word ritual, which stings even worse, he feels ashamed. “Then its his new one, you keep making excuses, you cant recognize that he is the one at fault and that you would be better off without him. Your marriage was a fun joke at first, but it has been dragged too long Peter, there is no need to keep playing around, as you said there is no more fears. Therefore, no need to feed from him, Jonah Magnus has ran his course and by all means, he should be dead, you should have let him die”

She cuts another slice of apple and eats it. 

Peter is too dumbfounded at the moment to reply to such- such nonsense- But is it nonsense? She is right, his archivists have been nothing but pains in the ass for everyone around, for everyone involved, Peter in particular too.

He died, sort of, he was the laughing stock after the failed ritual, his family was mad at him. Elias claimed it wasn't his fault but…wasn't it? Again, letting him die could be easy, a pillow to the face and that's it.

His mother lets him hesitate, finishing the apple and cleaning the knife with a handkerchief.

“He is a menace and above all a liability, if anyone knows we are hosting him, we will be in trouble. Nathaniel is alive, he is doing damage control, with some more direction we can remain untouched hopefully. So now” She lifts the knife and points it at Elias. “It would be much easier to get rid of him and start from scratch isn't it?”

His legs feel weak, yet he persists. “No, no, i need him, if anyone can figure out-”

Her tone is sharp as she cuts him off. “Figure out what Peter? We will manage everything, we will find you a new job, just sit tight and wait, and stop wasting your time on him, its making you weak and irrational. Look at him, he is not going to wake up, you are going to waste your time pining away after a dead man, so”

She stands, the knife held tightly in her hand.

She is right, partially so, if he lets his uncle maybe fix things up…he could make something out of it, but also-

He just…

Peter moves closer, his mother gives him a sharp look. He is afraid of being alone. Something in his face must show because her expression turns sour.

“You are just like your father”

Which genuinely hurts somehow, months ago, almost a year ago from now, he was egging on Martin to stab the original body of Jonah Magnus to stop him from completing his ritual.

Today, tonight really, he grabs his mother’s wrist as she attempts to stab Elias in the chest and twists it painfully.

“No”

Her face is set in a scowl, somehow he should feel afraid, somehow he thinks he should cower, but…why? He is bigger than her, she has made his life miserable with her presence or lack of it really. Why should he care about her? Why should he let her even live–

Peter proceeds to throw her against the wall, which seems to actually startle her and drop the knife. He walks towards him with an eerie calm. “Get out, he is mine to deal with, if you come closer again i will kill you and you know i will because right now? You are just an old woman and I hold no love for you or need for your bloody approval. All I want is to be left alone to my own devices. So mother, scram and if you get anywhere near him, me, or…my pets i will salt and burn the entire garden and then stab you to death just so you can see the only thing you actually care in that wretched heart of yours be destroyed first. Leave us alone ”

With that she shakily stands straight, glaring at him before going out. “You will regret it, he will drag you even more down to the ground and no one will help you pick up the pieces”

He scoffs and says she wasn't going to do it anyways either.

“So sod off mother”

She leaves and he is left alone with Elias, still unaware of everything going on around him. Peter picks up the knife and for a moment he contemplates, he idly presses it against his neck and he considers how hard it could be.

But then…then he thinks about tomorrow, about the day after that.

About the future.

And then his hand slips away. 

“...I love you” He is tired, Peter is afraid, but also the worst part of this, of all of it, is that despite everything that happened, he still loves him. 

Peter goes to pick up the cats, bringing them to the room, he settles next to Elias, locks the door too. He will have to put up with the nightmares from now on.

He kisses him on the lips once and then he settles next to him, his blood finally slowing down, dread fills his head, but the consequences of his actions will be dealt with tomorrow morning. Tonight?

Tonight he just lays down and rests, keeping an eye out for the few things he actually cares about. The cats all jump into bed curling up next to him and Elias.

For now he will keep this moment to himself.