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It was just like Rae to take me back to the school dorms of all places, right after proposing marriage and grabbing my hand to run off together. She was just so Rae, never doing anything the proper way. But I suppose I knew when I agreed to this that I was signing up for a life of surprises.
And I knew now that that kind of life, a life with Rae, was the life I wanted.
“Claire-sama, I managed to save some of your clothes when the revolution came to the school and confiscated the noble students’ things. We can change you out of those horrible clothes that they wanted you to wear at your execution.”
She had led me to her room in the dorms, where one of my trunks was tucked into a corner. When I opened the lid I found that most of my favorite dresses were inside. Rae, who had always watched me much more closely than I originally suspected, knew exactly which dresses were my favorites and had managed to keep them safe for me. She never stopped believing that she would find a way to rescue me and convince me to choose to live. She never gave up on me, even when I had given up on myself.
“Rae…” I said, turning to her with a heart filled with emotion. I had never been good at saying what I felt. I knew that about myself. But after all that she’d done for me, I owed it to Rae to try.
I loved her that much. So why was it so hard to say it?
“Let’s get you changed, Claire-sama,” Rae said, seemingly oblivious to my internal struggle. She selected a dress from the trunk and set it aside so she could help me out of the odious mourning clothes I was wearing.
“Now that things have settled down it should be safe for us to stay here for a few days, until we figure out a longer-term place to live.” She matter-of-factly helped me change into new underthings, just as if she were still my maid and not my newly betrothed. I supposed it was force of habit for both of us. I wondered how that was going to change in our new life.
“We can move your things back into your old room if you’d like,” she said, buttoning up the back of my dress.
“And why would I stay there?” I asked. Honestly, I never knew what was going through Rae’s head.
Rae looked puzzled. “Well, because it’s your room, Claire-sama. I thought you would want to stay somewhere familiar, though I suppose there are many empty rooms now if you wanted a different one.”
“And where will you be staying?” I asked. Could she really be this dense?
“Here in my own room, of course! I don’t see any reason to-”
“Rae,” I said, exasperated, “did you not just ask me to marry you, only a few hours ago?”
“Yes, I’m so happy to marry Claire-sama! But what does that have to do with-”
“Then why would I stay in a room by myself when I could stay here with you?” I asked, annoyed that she was making me say it. “Have we not shared a bed many times before? It seems only natural that we would share one now.”
The look on Rae’s face told me that this simple fact had never occurred to her. Really, you would think that she could have figured this part out.
“You said you would never leave me again. I expect you to keep that promise.”
Rae smiled. She had a soft look in her eyes. It was a look that used to annoy me, but now I found myself hoping I would get to see it often in our future life together.
“Now that you mention it, Claire-sama, I remember what you said when I asked you to marry me.”
“What I said?” Just where was she going with this?
“You said it was something I should ask when we’re alone. And you never did give me a real answer. So…”
To my utter astonishment, she got down on one knee and took my hand.
“Now that we’re alone and in private, let me ask again. Claire-sama, will you marry me?”
I had barely gotten over the shock of the first time she’d asked it. No, I still wasn’t over it. And seeing her like this, hearing her ask again, it brought all of the same emotions back. Once again I felt my face heat and my heart race.
“Wasn’t it obvious from the first time you asked?”
“It was, but I want to hear you say it. Please marry me, Claire-sama.”
I couldn’t let my embarrassment get the best of me this time. I might no longer be a noble, but I still had high expectations for myself when it came to proper behavior.
And after all that we had been through, after all that Rae had done for me out of sheer love even when she had no expectation that her love would ever be returned…I owed it to her and to myself to finally be honest.
I looked down at Rae, still on one knee, and my heart overflowed with tenderness.
“Rae, yes. Yes, of course I will marry you. I can’t imagine wanting to marry anyone else.”
“Claire-sama…” Tears glistened in Rae’s eyes as she heard my answer. There was so much I wanted to tell her. So many words that had gotten stuck in my throat every time I tried to say them.
I opened my mouth, but before I could start to speak Rae lifted my hand and brushed her lips over my knuckles in a gentle kiss. She was still kneeling before me, and she lifted her eyes to meet my gaze as she kissed the back of my hand.
My breath caught in my throat. She turned my hand over and placed a kiss in the center of my palm. Then she moved higher to reverently kiss the inside of my wrist.
My heart was pounding now for a very different reason than before. Rae had never before been this bold, except when she’d kissed me after her marriage proposal earlier that day.
I wanted her to keep being bold. And I wanted to be bold with her in return. I tightened my grip on her hand that was holding mine and pulled Rae up to stand in front of me. This was not the time to push her away in embarrassment. Everything had changed.
And I needed to change too.
Rae had told me she loved me many times, starting on the very first day we met. I didn’t take her seriously at first, but I knew now that she meant it every time she said it. It took me a long time to return those feelings. Even when I knew in my heart that I loved Rae, I had never been able to say it out loud.
I thought I had lost the chance to say it when I chose to go to my death. But now I had a second chance and I couldn’t waste it. Rae needed to hear how I felt about her, and I needed to tell her.
I moved closer to her and softly said “I love you, Rae.”
She stared at me, utterly stunned. And then she blushed so hard that even her ears turned crimson. I hadn’t expected that reaction from the person that had brazenly made her feelings known on a daily basis, but I couldn’t say that it bothered me.
In fact, I wouldn’t mind making her react this way more often. And I had an idea about how I could do it again.
I put my hand on her cheek and leaned in to capture her soft lips in a gentle kiss.
When I had stolen a kiss from her the first time it had been very different. That kiss had been a kiss goodbye. At the time I thought I would never have the chance to see her again, to kiss her again.
And poor Rae had been so distraught by my choice that she couldn’t even kiss me back as tears streamed down her cheeks.
There were tears streaming down her cheeks now, but this time they were not tears of despair, and this was not a goodbye kiss.
And after a brief moment of surprise, Rae kissed me back.
You could say it was our first shared kiss. I had been too overwhelmed to kiss Rae back when she kissed me after proposing, but I had no such difficulty now. The feeling of her lips on mine was indescribable, and I felt as though I could never get enough.
We kissed each other again and again, standing there in Rae’s dorm room. Rae’s arms found their way around my waist and I draped mine over her shoulders. We pulled each other closer until our bodies touched and we never stopped kissing the entire time.
I didn’t know why I had waited so long to do this. We could have done this long ago, if only I’d had the courage to face how I felt about Rae.
It might have taken a revolution to bring us together, but I vowed that nothing would keep us apart ever again.
Rae started to kiss her way down my neck and my brain stopped functioning. I heard myself make a soft noise in the back of my throat and tangled my hands in her unruly brown hair. It was so soft, just like her lips.
I wanted to keep running my hands through it while we kissed. I wanted to pull her down onto the bed so we could keep kissing there. I wanted…
“Claire-sama.”
Rae stopped her searing kisses to look me in the eyes, lips parted and face flushed. She was so beautiful. I wanted to see more of her. I wanted to do more with her. It shocked me how freely my own feelings and desires came to me now. So much had changed.
“Rae…” I replied, surprised at how low and husky my voice had become. Whatever she was going to say, I wanted to tell her yes.
“Claire-sama, I think we might want to stop before we get carried away.”
I could hardly believe my ears. Rae was the one saying this!? The one who had made all sorts of indecent comments and suggestions from the moment we met?
Her words sounded like something I would have said, up until today.
“Rae?” I asked, making her name a question. My brain still wasn’t functioning well enough to ask more than that.
“I wouldn’t want us to do anything improper or dishonorable before our wedding,” Rae said tenderly, putting a hand on my cheek. “Where I come from sex before marriage isn’t such a big deal, but I know it’s frowned upon here in Bauer. And I would never want to do anything to dishonor Claire-sama.”
She was absolutely right, so why was I left with this strange feeling of disappointment? Wait, had I really been planning to go that far with Rae just now?
I didn’t know what had come over me, but I was thankful that Rae was showing some common sense, for once. My, how the tables had turned.
“You’re right,” I said, giving Rae a much more chaste kiss on her rosy cheek. “Even though women cannot legally marry women in this country, I still wish to have a wedding and we should still follow the proper customs. We will have plenty of time after we’re married for-”
I stopped short, realizing exactly what I was about to say. I felt my face turn scarlet as Rae burst into laughter.
“Ah, Claire-sama, I love you so much. You’ve made me so happy today. And I promise I will always work hard to make you happy too.”
I couldn’t help but smile back at her. “I know you will, my Rae.”
I had chosen to make a future together with this extraordinary woman. And no matter what might befall us, I knew that I had made the right choice.