Chapter Text
Jisung was pissed. He didn’t know at what or who exactly. He just was. It was a sunny day, far too sunny for this time of year. And Jisung was hungry. And Jisung was tired. And Jisung was pissed.
He was walking to the vending machine to get a snack before his afternoon writing session with Changbin and Chan. He had missed lunch… again earlier that day. And he wasn’t even able to complain. Being so busy that you missed your lunch and didn’t sleep was considered a luxury problem in their trainee world. It meant that you were closer to the ultimate goal that all of them shared. It meant that there was a good chance that you would actually debut.
Still, in that moment, that reality didn’t soothe Jisung at all. Instead, it just made him want to chew someone’s head off even more. Deep down he knew that he probably wasn’t made for an idol’s life, for the crowds, the schedule, the hectic nature of it all… But this dream was all he had.
Jisung couldn’t remember ever feeling adequate. He had always been smaller than his peers, always weaker. He had spent most of his childhood in a country where he hadn’t even spoken the language, where he had always been considered an outsider, always the odd one out. And even when he had presented as an Alpha none of it had changed. Back then, he had had all the hope in the world that maybe now his classmates would finally respect him even just a little bit. Just enough to treat him like a human being instead of a speck of dirt on their shoes.
But they hadn’t. Instead, they had laughed at him, they had called him a coward, they had called him weak, they had called him worse things. They had called him things that had left him feeling alone, lost and utterly broken. They had made sure that there was no doubt left in his mind that something must have gone wrong. Because how could he, Han Jisung, ever expect to be respected? How could he ever be considered dominant? How could he ever expect to be considered a true Alpha?
Music had been the only thing that had kept him hanging on during those times. He had always loved singing. He had always gone to writing lyrics when everything around him became too much. When he had found out about K-Pop he thought he had finally found his way out. He had figured that becoming a trainee in South Korea would mark a new beginning, that it would mean a fresh start. That, all the way over in Seoul, kids had no way of knowing what terrible things he had been called every single day of his life. So, he had packed up his things and had boarded a plane.
He had arrived in Seoul with nothing but a suitcase and his determination. At fifteen, Jisung hadn’t known much about himself or the world. But he had known that he could sing, he had known that he could rap, he had known that he excelled when there was a spotlight on him. He had known that he had it in him to become an idol. So yes, maybe he wasn’t made for this life, but he would absolutely do everything in his power to make sure he would get to live it.
He turned around the last corner and… stopped. There, in front of his precious vending machine that had saved his life more than a few times over the past years, stood a stranger. A stranger that looked far from happy. Usually, Jisung would have been annoyed. Even more so than he had already been. He was fucking starving and admittedly kind of running late, and this was clearly inconveniencing him. But… well… The stranger had his full upper lip pushed forward in a sort of upside-down pout and his brows were extremely furrowed. His frustrated expression was… uhm… adorable. The whole scene even almost made Jisung giggle, despite how he had felt just a moment ago.
That machine could be particularly stubborn. Changbin even had a theory about how JYPE must have manipulated it to prevent their trainees from eating too much junk. And though Jisung didn’t really believe in that theory, he wondered what had gotten stuck inside this time.
By now, the stranger was shaking the machine with as much force as he could muster to try and get whatever it was he had paid for. It didn’t help at all. Jisung had known it wouldn’t before the guy had even tried. There was one trick and one trick only that worked. Normally, Jisung would have long pushed past whoever was trying to get their stuff and hit exactly the right spot at the side of the machine so that both of them could go on with their lives. But that day, something held him back.
Maybe it was the fact that this guy was… well… attractive to say the least. It wasn’t just trainees up here, there were also members of staff, managers, background dancers, producers, choreographers… But if this guy wasn’t training to be an idol, then everyone in this building needed a brand-new pair of eyes. He didn’t look like a trainee, he looked like a fucking superstar. An admittedly very pissed off superstar… but a superstar nonetheless.
Jisung was torn from his thoughts when the stranger decided to take a step back from the vending machine. For a moment Jisung thought he was going to give up. He was about to offer his help when the guy seemingly collected himself and then… placed a perfectly executed spinning kick against the machine.
Jisung’s jaw dropped. He had no idea how many people he had seen kick the machine during his days at JYPE. But never like this. He swallowed and wondered whether it was strange to think that it was kind of hot. Meanwhile, the stranger just hummed happily to himself and picked up the bag of chips that he had apparently finally managed to cause to drop.
However, when he stood back up, their eyes met and both of them turned scarlet. “That was sick.”, Jisung whispered, still embarrassed about being caught staring but also still incredibly intrigued. His words just caused the guy to blush even deeper. “Uh…”, he made and scratched the back of his head. Shit. He was so pretty. “Thanks?”
Neither of them said anything after that for a while. They just stood there, both glancing from their hands to each other and back again. But Jisung had other things on his mind than to start a conversation. This close, he could smell the stranger’s scent and… well… It was absolutely divine. Truth be told, Jisung had never quite gotten the hype about scents. To him, most Omegas smelled far too sweet and Alphas… well most Alphas just smelled like Alpha. But this guy?
To Jisung, the best way to describe his scent would be to say that it was perfectly balanced. It was sweet. A mix of vanilla and coffee if he had to guess. But it was different than the scents of the other Omegas he was usually around. Hyunjin’s cotton candy scent made Jisung’s teeth ache whenever he smelled it. And even Felix’s scent was too sickeningly sweet for Jisung’s taste. His contained notes of vanilla as well, but as opposed to this guy’s, it wasn’t balanced by the bitterness of the coffee. Instead, there was a heavy note of chocolate on top of it. Felix’s scent was like Hyunjin’s, sweet and nothing else. Meanwhile this… it was the kind of perfect mix of sweet and bitter that made Jisung’s mouth water a little.
In the end it was the stranger who broke the awkward silence. “I uh… I’m Lee Minho by the way… born… born in 1998 and I uh… I’m a trainee.”
Jisung just nodded dumbly. Minho… yeah that made sense. Of course, this guy would not only have the looks but also the name to be a star. It took him far too long to realize that Minho was probably waiting for Jisung to introduce himself as well. “Han Jisung.”, he mumbled. “And also a trainee and uh… younger than you.”
Jisung could feel his face burning. He should be better at this. He had met countless trainees over the years. Hell, usually he glared at them to scare them away from him and Chan and Changbin. But for Minho he just stared like a donkey would at a carrot out of reach, practically salivating and yet too dense to do much else.
“Did you uh… did you want anything?” Minho asked eventually, tearing him from his thoughts once more. “From the machine I mean.”
Jisung gulped. “Uh… yeah…” he stuttered. “Uh… thanks.”
While he walked past Minho towards the machine to punch in the familiar code to get his favourite treat, he thought about shooting his shot. He had never been big on flirting, far too self-conscious for it and far too scared to be turned down and made fun off. But there was something about Minho… not just his looks or his scent… There was also something about him that caused Jisung to inadvertently relax, at least a little bit… even if they hadn’t spoken more than a few words. Still, something about him made Jisung think that he wouldn’t laugh at him. That he didn’t think of him as inferior, as a loser. That he wouldn’t make him feel bad.
So, when his snack, predictably, got stuck as well. He didn’t punch the side of the machine like he usually would. Instead, he turned around to smile awkwardly at Minho who was still hovering while munching on his chips. He gathered all of his bravery. “Could… could you maybe help me with that?”.
The smile that spread across Minho’s face at those words instantly made Jisung’s momentary mortification more than worth it. It also seemed to do something to his knees and his stomach. And that just got worse when Minho handed him his bag of chips and performed the kick again. It was just as impressive the second time around.
“Thank you” Jisung whispered when they exchanged their snacks. And Minho was blushing again when he quietly mumbled: “Anytime.” They walked together until the end of the corridor where they had to part ways so Minho could head to vocal lessons and Jisung could catch Chan and Changbin in the studio. And, yeah, okay, maybe Jisung had found himself with the smallest of crushes for the very first time in his life.
***
Even though he was late, Jisung found only Changbin munching on instant ramen and playing around with some beats when he entered the studio a little later.
“There you are!”, he greeted him when he noticed Jisung slipping inside. “I thought you had managed to get lost again.”
And just that comment sufficed to have Jisung blush furiously once more. “It was one time!” he argued. “And you have to admit that every fucking floor looks the same!”
Changbin just laughed in response. “Chan texted that he has some kind of last-minute meeting with one of the producers downstairs.”, he said, put down the noodles and yawned. “He told me that we could get started without him.” He raised a brow. “But what were you doing if you didn’t get lost this time? You are late by like twenty minutes.”
Suddenly Jisung was glad that he had already been blushing before and really hoped that maybe the additional colour wouldn’t be as noticeable this way. “I uh… I met this guy at the vending machine” he mumbled. “I… I don’t know if you have met him already but he’s a trainee as well. Lee Minho.” Then, he grinned because there was no way Changbin wouldn’t appreciate the next bit. “He karate kicked the machine to get it to work.”
Changbin laughed again. “That’s fucking amazing” he said, with pure unadulterated joy written all over his face. “I wish I’d been there to see that.” He shook his head before his features turned into a thoughtful frown. “But actually, I think Felix and Hyunjin might have mentioned him? At least the name rings a bell. Does he have a dancing background?”
Jisung shrugged. “I didn’t ask.” It would definitely make sense for Felix and Hyunjin to have met Minho before them. Especially if he really had a dancing background. Afterall they were Omegas and dancers themselves as well. Maybe they even shared a dorm with him now.
Another fit of giggles from Changbin tore Jisung from his thoughts and caused him to raise a questioning brow. “It’s just…” the older rapper chuckled. “I just remembered that Felix was gushing about how the guy had a black belt in Taekwondo.” He grinned. “So, he’s definitely your guy if he kicked the machine.” Changbin shook his head. “Still doesn’t make it any less iconic.”
By now, Jisung was grinning as well. “Right?” he asked, almost giddy with the desire to gush about the Omega. “I swear I almost asked him on a date then and there.” The last part he said like a joke, even if he wasn’t even necessarily kidding. Him and Changbin didn’t have a relationship like that. Sure, they’d tease each other, they’d make jokes about dates and crushes, but they never actually talked about feelings. And Jisung very much liked it that way.
“You should.”, Changbin chuckled. “Maybe he’d be able to get you to calm the fuck down.”
His comment had Jisung rolling his eyes. Normally, he would have tried to change topics, but that day, he really wanted to keep talking about Minho. At least a little more. “I didn’t know that he had a black belt in Taekwondo,” he said. “That’s impressive.”
Changbin shrugged and scooted back towards the table, but he nodded. “Yeah…” Unfortunately, his tone made it clear that he wasn’t really interested in talking about Minho’s potential past martial arts career. Still, he did take the time to look up and grin at Jisung. “That’s good news for you though. You like being protected.”
Four words. Four words was all it took to have Jisung’s stomach drop through the fucking floor. “You like being protected.” Shit. He felt caught. Exposed. Almost… almost violated. It wasn’t that Changbin was wrong. But Jisung was an Alpha. And Alphas very much were not supposed to feel that way. Alphas were supposed to be the strong ones, they were supposed to command any room they stepped into and strive to assert their dominance over everyone they met.
And yet, whenever Jisung stepped into a room, he usually just wanted to disappear. He had never had the urge to try and assert his dominance over anybody and… and… God, and if he was truly honest, he loved whenever he was in a room with Chan or now even with Changbin and they inadvertently took control. It was just small things, nuances that not everyone might even pick up on. But to Jisung, being in a room that was filled with nothing but the familiar scent of Chan or Changbin, gave him permission to relax. To him, it said: Don’t worry, I am here. I will take care of everything. You don’t have to protect yourself when you’re here.
He wasn’t supposed to feel that way. Not at all. On the contrary, he was supposed to step into a room full of another Alpha’s scent and inadvertently start pushing out his own to gain some sort of control of the situation, to assert himself. Only that Jisung had never reacted that way. Not ever.
But no one was meant to know that. Whenever Jisung found himself in that situation, he would pretend. He would consciously try to push out more of his own scent. He would consciously make an effort to seem normal. So, the thought that Changbin might know, might even just guess that Jisung “liked being protected”… It absolutely terrified him.
***
Later that night, Jisung was tossing and turning in his bed. He despised his dorm. He hated how crowded it was, how crammed, but mostly how it never seemed to stay quite the same. Trainees came and left and so did their voices, their stuff, their scents… The constant change prevented Jisung from ever truly finding any rest, from ever truly being able to let down his guard. He always felt vulnerable in his bunkbed, always exposed, always helpless. But that night, it was particularly bad.
Rationally, Jisung knew that Chan and Changbin were not equivalent to the rest of the trainees. That they had gotten closer to him over the years, no matter how much he had tried to keep them at a distance.
Chan had been the first person in JYPE to ever show true kindness to Jisung. They had started making music together and for Jisung it had become his escape from the world. Him and Chan still weren’t all that close, but they worked well together, and they could relax when the other was around. Back then, it had been the first time in Jisung’s life that he hadn’t felt entirely alone.
In the end, maybe it had been natural, that, when Seo Changbin had joined their company and Chan had gone on and on about how talented of a rapper he was and how much he wanted to have him on one of their songs, Jisung had become hostile. Suddenly, he had been terrified that Chan would see how much of a loser Jisung truly was. That he and “that new guy” would get along far better than he and Jisung ever could and that inevitably Jisung would end up alone again.
So, when one of the instructors told him and Changbin to compete in a rap battle, Jisung hadn’t held back. If the years of misery and bullying had taught him anything it was how to rip someone weaker into pieces. And Jisung had, winning the battle by a mile.
Yet, when they had been done, Changbin hadn’t run away. He hadn’t broken down into tears or quit. He had just walked right up to Jisung with an extended hand. “Congrats, man.”, he had said and had patted his back. “You’re one hell of a rapper for sure.”
The weeks that followed had taught Jisung that it was close to impossible to hate Seo Changbin, who was so hard-working and yet so supportive of everyone around him, who looked intimidating as hell and yet knew more girl group dances than most of the female trainees, who wasn’t afraid to roll his eyes at JYP himself and would stand up for anyone he believed needed someone to stand up for them.
In the end, Jisung hadn’t even really argued when Chan had invited Changbin into their studio. And, eventually, the three of them had even become “3RACHA” and published some songs as a group. By now, they were working in the studio almost daily.
So yeah, rationally, Jisung knew that just because Changbin could see right through the pathetic shell he tried to hide behind, that didn’t mean that all of them could. However, his brain simply refused to compute that fact properly. In that moment, that night, he was entirely convinced that everyone could see how weak and pathetic he truly was, how much of a joke of an Alpha.
His thoughts wondered back to Minho without his permission. To how the Omega had smiled shyly at him, how his lips had contorted into that cute upside-down pout, how he had placed that perfect kick against the machine. He tried to imagine him in a fight, how he would use that exact same kick to hold off any opponents. And just the thought alone had Jisung’s heart flutter again.
Because a part of Jisung, a part he despised deeply, truly did like the idea of being protected. That was the worst of it. A desperate, pathetic, perverse part of him actually loved the idea of having an Omega by his side who could – if push came to shove – protect the both of them. But that thought only hurt him even more. Because not only was there no way Minho would ever want an Alpha as pathetic as him… no one would. No one ever would.
***
The next day, Chan was humming when Jisung entered the studio. He often did that when he was focused, and it never failed to make Jisung smile. Even when he had barely slept the night before. For some reason, it made him feel as if he was seeing “the real Chan”, not the trainee that everyone was scared of because he had been there for God knows how long, or the guy who was rumoured to be one of the big JYPE producers’ son, but the Chan who was humming along harmlessly when he worked, the Chan who always had to fill the silence.
When Jisung had arrived in Seoul, he had had big hopes of finally escaping his shitty life. But he was still small for an Alpha, still weak and apparently, it didn’t matter where he went, the bullies followed. Sure, they might have had different faces and different names. Hell, they had even spoken a different language. But in the end, they had still been the same. They had still broken Jisung down until he hadn’t been able to hold himself together anymore, until his knees had buckled under all of the weight.
Only that, by then Jisung had been in Seoul, and he had had no home that he could run off to anymore. No childhood bedroom that he could close the door to and be alone. By then, Jisung had been surrounded by them day and night. And it truly had felt as if he couldn’t escape them, even though he had felt as if he was running all the time.
He had despised how that had become his life: running, hiding, crying. It was pathetic. So fucking pathetic. And yet, it had happened again and again. On the day he had met Chan, he had been running through the corridors once more, trying to escape the guy that had made fun of him at lunch. As if escaping him would mean escaping all of the bullies. As if it meant finally being free from the constant teasing, the name-calling, the harassment. Fuck. Jisung had felt the tears already burning in his eyes. He just hadn’t been able to take it anymore. He had known he was on the verge of a breakdown… yet again.
His lungs had burned, and his side had hurt when he had finally arrived in the little studio that, over the last few weeks, had become his favourite hide-out. He had punched in the code that one of the producer-hyungs had given him, not because he felt like Jisung deserved it for his songwriting, but because he had felt bad for him, because he had pitied him. He had found Jisung crying his eyes out in the bathroom and had sighed deeply. ‘Take this’, the Hyung had said and had pressed a piece of paper into his hand. ‘No one ever uses it during the day.’ Jisung had felt sick at the memory.
He had slammed the door shut behind him and it had taken less than a second for him to break down into desperate sobs. He had felt so weak, so disgusting, so pathetic . He had felt as if he was proving all of them right.
Jisung had no idea how long he just had sat there like that, curled in on himself and bawling his eyes out. But suddenly, he had heard the familiar beeping of the touchpad outside. His eyes had widened in panic. He had had no idea whether he was even officially allowed to be in this room. What if they kicked him out over this?
But when the door swung open with a bang, the person that came into view behind it hadn’t been a JYPE producer, or a manager or even one of Jisung’s countless bullies. No. It had been Chan.
Christopher “Chan” Bahng had already been a trainee for years at that point. He was an Alpha, older than most of them and incredibly talented. Most trainees thought of him as some kind of untouchable being. Because Chan rarely ever smiled. He rarely ever showed any emotion. He kept to himself, with his cards close to his chest and everyone else kept at an arm’s length.
Jisung had swallowed thickly. He had tried to stand up in order to bow but his legs gave out from underneath him, and he would have hit the floor, had Chan not darted forwards and caught him. That day, Chan had ended up hugging Jisung close to his chest and Jisung had allowed himself to let go and be gently enveloped by Chan’s soothing mix of wood and salt.
“They just feel threatened by you.”, Chan had eventually whispered and Jisung hadn’t been able to hold back a snort. He really didn’t think that that was true. “They do.” The older had insisted. “You’re really, really talented. More so than the bunch of them put together.” Chan had huffed. “They know they don’t stand a chance next to you, so they bully you in hopes of you just making it easy for them and giving up.” When Jisung had showed no reaction to his words, Chan had let out a deep sigh. “Do you know your scent?”
Jisung had nodded. While most people couldn’t smell themselves, he knew his scent all too well. He despised it. It felt as if it was mocking him. Smoke? Really? For someone like him? Hell, most of the time, Jisung was the most “Alpha”-smelling Alpha in a room… Him! It was laughable really.
“It suits you.”, Chan had said quietly. “When I first saw you, I thought about how I could practically feel the fire burning inside of you. That passion and that determination are what sets you apart.” He ruffled his hair. “Don’t let them dim your light.” He had smiled. “And visit me in this studio sometime, not just when you need a place to cry. I’ve seen your lyrics. I bet we could cook something up.”
After that day, Jisung had started to stick to Chan’s side and the mere presence of the older had seemed to be enough to make the bullies let up. But that hadn’t meant that Jisung was finally, finally able to let his guard down and relax. On the contrary, the years that followed had made him despise himself even more. He had started putting on an arrogant front, actively looking for fights with people and pushing everyone as far away as possible. And he had hated that version of himself. Yet, life had taught him that it was the only version that seemed to keep the bullies at bay.
“Oh Jisung!” Chan now greeted him and turned around in his old office chair. “Sorry for making you come in today before practice, but I had this idea for the bridge on the song you gave me yesterday and I really wanted to try it out…” He went on to explain the concept in more detail and with unwavering enthusiasm. And Jisung smiled while he went to stand behind the mic. He was tired and the night before had kicked his ass. It had left him feeling like absolute shit.
But in that moment, Minho or any other Omega in the world didn’t matter. In that moment, it didn’t matter that none of them would ever find Jisung remotely attractive and that he would die alone. In that moment, all that mattered was Chan’s passion and Jisung’s voice and the fact that they had a shot. A real shot at a better life if nothing else.