Chapter Text
Thwamp . Julia’s knees slammed into the floor of Bob and Dotty’s bedroom as she crashed into Kamille and they became a tangle of limbs upon cushions. She practically started suffocating from the smell of previous lit candles and strong perfume, no doubt Dotty’s. Julia gasped for air but not from being manhandled or locked in or any of that. I had tried to kill a man. I had tried to kill Tonny. What is wrong with me?! She thought to herself. She wasn’t able to get enough air and could feel her vision darken as hot tears streaked down her cheeks ruining the heavily applied make-up from her circus act.
“I’m pretty sure they locked us in Dotty and Bob’s room. Should we snoop a little?” Julia heard Kamille chuckle, making light of the situation.
“Kamille, I… I’m so sorry” Julia muttered in between heaving breaths and tears. She saw Kamille shoot her a questioning look. “I… I think I lost my mind. I don’t know what I’m doing. I tried to kill someone!” Julia threw her hands to her head, grabbing at her hair. Truly feeling the weight of what she did tonight. Or attempted to do. Kamille parted her lips to begin speaking but sort of just paused. Silence filled the air. Honestly if the positions were reversed Julia wouldn’t know what to say either. Julia apologized. She apologized about Rainah, she apologized for the fight, she apologized for it all. “I just want us…to be like always” Julia sobbed. She wanted just one ounce of normalcy in the hell of this circus and the deal she made with the monster looming in the attic.
“We will be,” Kamille said softly. Lifting an arm to her shoulder to comfort Julia, “everything is fixable. But you need to tell me. What happened?” Kamilles eyes widened. Her voice was level but towards the end of the question Julia heard it falter slightly. That’s fair, she thought . If Kamille had just attempted murder she’d be nervous too. “Why did you do that?” Kamille pleaded.
Julia stumbled on her words just trying to tell Kamille how sorry she was that Kamille had ended up in this situation and in trouble because of her. Because of a murderer Julia thought to herself. God. Julia began to imagine her dads face twisting into disgust and disappointment when he found out his daughter was a murderer. Dad….
“Julia, just tell me the truth!” Kamille grabbed her shoulders, shaking the mushroom clown. Her face painted with desperation.
Julia gulped in air, almost choking on it. Her heart was slamming against her chest. She had to tell her. Julia’s secret that she hadn’t muttered to a single soul. Not even Sahed. Julia started to explain that she died and had to sign a contract, but not with Tonny, with the creature in the attic. That her contract was different from Kamille’s. It forces her to kill Tonny or Julia would die within a year from the date she originally stamped the seal binding her there. Julia said it all in a breath with closed eyes. She was shaking, terrified to tell her. Julia felt a weight being lifted off her shoulders. She counted to three and opened her eyes to see Kamille completely in shock. Her eyes wide, shining with incoming tears. Kamille faltered forward, her breath hitching as she began to sob.
“Julia I- I’m so sorry,” Julia’s costume shoulder became damp. “I’m so sorry. But don’t worry we will figure this out,” Kamille pulled away forcing a smile in an effort to make her friend feel better. Kamille’s hands were still trembling ever so slightly as she wiped away the remaining tears.
“Kamille I-” just as Julia was about to apologize again for the mess she drug her friend into, Tonny opened the door.
“Well… it’s time”. He stood towering over the girls who sat sprawled on the floor. His eyes narrow, eyebrows furrowed. Julia noted that tonight was the first night that Tonny genuinely terrified her. Right down to her core. “Julia, come with me”. Julia stood shakily begging her legs to not give out. She slowly approached him. Every fiber of her being wanted to run away from him. To find Sahed. To figure out what the hell was going on and she wanted to tell him. About that god forsaken contract. He deserved to know. He shouldn’t even be in this mess…but it was all her fault for involving him. Julia had no idea what fate awaited her but all she knew was that she wanted to disappear into the floorboards.
++++
He shut the door and locked it behind her. His arm grazed Julia’s shoulder as she walked through the threshold. The same hand he used to slice through Mr. Finnigans throat. Am I next? Would he cut my spiritual thread because of what I have done? She spiraled.
He gestured for her to sit across from the desk in a seat opposite of him. They both sat down and the clock ticked loudly in the room filling up Julia’s ear drums. The only other sound she could hear was her heart slamming against her chest and she was sure at this rate, that Tonny must have heard it too. “Julia…” he narrowed his eyes, “where did you get this?” He grabbed the knife out full of intricate symbols and stabbed it into the desk. Julia flinched at the sudden movement and aggression behind it. It was definitely meant to scare her. “Julia,” he demanded, growing impatient.
“Julia, don’t tell them shit!” She heard Sahed’s frantic voice repeat in her head on loop. She swallowed and felt a hard lump in her throat and brought her eyes from the floor to meet his. Julia felt like she was crying like an idiot. For fucks sake I was a murder! I tried to murder the man and I was crying like an absolute baby in his office. Fuck. Fuck! She bawled her hands into fists and was pressing them into her eyes until she saw color and shapes.
The atmosphere in the room changed. Julia suddenly felt eyes on her and when she met Tonny’s eyes again they were still trying to look menacing, in a way, but there was a hint of concern. She must have looked like an absolute mess, holding on with white knuckles to her own sanity, if the man she had attempted to murder tonight was concerned for her .
“I…” Tonny trailed off collecting his thoughts. “Julia, I honestly just want to know…why? Why did you want to kill me? Did I… did I do something wrong?” And he was Tonny again. The awkward, clumsy idiot that she had grown to care about in a way. She knew she had to kill him or she would die….but she never once was able to actually picture the act until it happened. And Julia was filled immediately with regret and horror at what she had done.
“I didn’t want to…” her voice was barely above a whisper. Tonny gave Julia emotional whiplash as he suddenly was angry again, slamming his hands on the desk and jumping up from his seat, standing in front of her.
“Then why would you do it? Why would you do something you didn't want to do? Was it Sahed?” He began.
“No!” Julia immediately snapped to look up at the ringleader of the circus troupe. Her voice had suddenly found its strength and the tears stopped for a moment. “It’s all my fault!” She had to defend him. She had to protect him. He couldn’t take the blame for this. Not when he didn’t even know everything. “All of it. It’s all my fault…” She trailed off. “All my fault ...all my fault…” She was muttering to herself now and Annthon just looked down at Julia. His eyes full of so many emotions. Anger. Confusion. Sadness.
He sighed and placed a hand on her shoulder. Julia seemed to snap back to the present and tense underneath his fingertips. “Just calm down and explain what happened,” Tonny spoke softly. Just as Julia had opened her mouth to begin telling him the tale, the door swung open so forcefully it slammed into the wall next to it with a loud bang!
“Tonny!’ Dotty exclaimed. Bob was right behind her. “The army….they’re back”.
Tonny’s face contorted and he went pale as a ghost. He was scared. Why had they come back?! Hadn’t we proven that we were not suspicious? That we didn’t cause the riot? His thoughts raced through his head as he approached the door. “Stay here,” he glanced back at Julia. His voice wavered a bit but he tried to act like he knew what he was doing. He wasn’t allowed to show his emotions. Not now. Not when the circus was in crisis. He collected himself as he shut the door and started down the stairs to meet the army of Kalagratt.
Julia sat in her chair debating what she should do. There’s no way that she can just wait in this room listening to the sound of her thoughts and guilt. She had to go see Sahed. But first…if the army was really here, she needed to go see why. Maybe she would even be able to see Jathar again and find a way to free him. She needed to do something. So Julia started to walk towards the door and swung it shut behind her.