Chapter Text
"Before you came,
things were as they should be:
the sky was the dead-end of sight,
the road was just a road, wine merely wine.
Now everything is like my heart,
a color at the edge of blood:
the gray of your absence, the color of poison, of thorns,
the gold when we meet, the season ablaze,
the yellow of autumn, the red of flowers, of flames,
and the black when you cover the earth
with the coal of dead fires.
…..Don’t leave now that you’re here -
Stay. So the world may become like itself again:
so the sky may be the sky,
the road a road,
and the glass of wine not a mirror, just a glass of wine.”
September, 2020
A sudden, heart-breaking realization dawns upon him. They had broken up just after a month of dating.
Eight Months Ago, January
New York. Winter. 2020. There is an urgency of cold winds in the air contrasting with the sweet smell of hot Earl Grey being poured in the kitchen. It’s quite a normal January morning when Henry meets him for the first time. Wild black curls falling on the forehead, nose and cheeks flush with red color, and a face that seems like god created only to be looked at and admired and loved and kissed. He is wearing a black, fitted shirt with the first three buttons undone, cargo shorts, skin everywhere.
Does this man not feel cold or what?
Alexander Claremont-Diaz, the man with the most beautiful face and body on campus, stood in front of Henry’s door. Henry realizes that he has been staring for a while now. He clears his throat and finally speaks.
“Can I help you with something?”
“Yeah, hey man. I saw your ad on Instagram saying that you were looking for a flatmate. I just, um, really need a place as soon as possible.I couldn't have come across your ad at a more perfect time."
“Wait, you want to live with me?” Henry blurts it out.
Henry is a self-aware man. He knows that his reputation around the campus is not that of someone that people want to move in with. He has put up the ad for a month now, and not a single soul has responded to it.There are a few reasons for that. Firstly, Henry’s flat is on the 3rd floor,and the lift in their building does not work. Secondly, and most importantly, Henry has the reputation of someone who keeps to himself and is not much fun to hang out with. Last but not least, Henry is simply boring to most people, and no one wants to spend the most exciting years of their life with someone who is boring. So, Henry does not understand why Alex would be any different.
Henry’s question brings out the cheekiest smile from Alex. He leans on the door frame slightly and says, “Yes, of course. Don’t worry, dearest Henry. I don’t bite, unless you specifically ask me to."
And then he winks. He fucking winks.
A deep shade of red covers Henry’s cheeks, and he cannot help it. He Knows that Alex is just joking, but his mind is stuck on the words “Dearest Henry," the bite remark, and that breathtaking wink. Wait, is Alex flirting with him? If so, should he flirt back? Okay, now he is spiraling. He tries to bring his attention back to the gorgeous man standing in front of him. Allowing someone he is attracted to in every way possible is the worst idea, and Henry knows that it is. But he does,in fact, need someone to share the flat with. The rent of the flat is too high for someone to bear it alone, and he could use some help.
Henry welcomes him inside. He has two suitcases and a backpack, and only God knows how he might have brought it all upstairs. He can see Alex looking around the god-awful flat, which is fairly empty. There is just one chair in the middle of the living room, and a TV is at some distance from the chair.
Alex clears his throat. “You don’t have a lot of furniture.”
Henry scoffs. “Yeah, well, I don’t have a lot of people visiting this place.I’m assuming that since you read my ad, you would be familiar with the terms and conditions that I put there.”
“Yes, yes, that was the first thing that caught my attention. You would prefer if I didn’t bring any guests around, and even if I did, I should inform you beforehand. I should avoid holding parties in this apartment or any other such event. I think I like the rules. I need to focus on studies, and having a flatmate like you would definitely help me concentrate as there will be less disturbance.”
Ah. There it is. Now he understands why Alex would want to share a flat with him. It kind of makes sense. Almost everyone on campus tries to live their college experience to the fullest. Partying all night, alcohol flowing like water, and one-night stands. So, it is quite difficult to find an environment that is conducive to productivity. Henry finds it comforting that Alex actually wants to live here and wasn’t forced by something or someone.
“Your room is just down the hall. Next to mine. You can’t miss it.”
“Okay. Thanks man.”
But Alex does not go to his room. He goes to the fridge in the kitchen instead.
Henry watches him as Alex opens the fridge and pulls out a bottle of water. His eyes wander at the now exposed neck of Alex as he drinks from the bottle. The bob of his throat, little drops of water falling on the exposed area of the chest where something silver dangles, and the curl of his hands around the head of the bottle. Henry’s brain screeches.
Hands. His hands. Big fucking hands.
He realizes that he is staring and shifts his feet, turning his gaze away. That’s when he feels the bulge that has started forming in his pants. He is hard just by the sight of some exposed skin on the chest and hands.
Well, big, beautiful hands.
Alex is going to be the death of him. He rushes back to his room so that he does not gain and lose a flatmate on the same day.
It had been a week since Alex moved in. They did not interact with each other much since they had different class timings, and even if they both were in the flat, they remained cooped up in their respective rooms. All That ever happened were random formal interactions throughout the day.
It was quite a normal Saturday for Henry as he turned the lock on the door and entered the flat. The first thing he noticed was Alex, beautiful Alex, spread out on a new sage green couch that Henry has no memory of buying because he did not. On any other day, Henry would have been okay. Hell, he might have even complimented the choice. But not today. Not when he had to listen to an hour of his grandmother telling him what a huge disappointment he had been to the family name. Henry never did well with change, and this was definitely the last straw in a day that had already sucked.
“You bought a couch?”
“Yes, um, I know you said that you don’t invite many people around, but a single chair wasn’t very practical for two people. I saw it on my way home and thought it could be useful. We could watch movies and make a whole day out of it, you know? Like Saturdays? I thought now that we live together, we might as well become friends.”
Henry’s brows snapped together, and his eyes flared with anger and frustration.
“Alex, I really appreciate that you thought so much about me, but I would appreciate it more if you would ask before making such huge changes in my flat. I did not ask you to bring a couch here, and I certainly did not ask you to be my friend.”
“I was just trying to do something nice," Alex said, standing up from the couch. “I can return it tomorrow.”
“Don’t bother. Just try and ask the next time before you make any assumptions.”
“Fine. I’m sorry.” Alex said, without looking at Henry, and then rushed back to his room.
Guilt settled on Henry’s face like a heavy shadow, and his lips started to quiver as the anger slowly faded away. He knew that Alex didn’t deserve the blast Henry put him through; he was just being nice. His instant thought was to go and apologize but he did not have the courage to deal with the fact that Alex might not forgive him. He went to his room and called the only person he could consider his friend. If this day had gone any different, he would have had two friends, but alas!
“Hello, my dearest. To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“There is nothing pleasurable about this call, Pez.” Henry sighs. “I might have sabotaged my non-existent relationship with my flatmate already.”
Pez. Percy Okonjo. Henry’s best and only friend in the entire world. Henry always struggled to explain his friendship with Pez to other people. They were so different from each other, yet they fit together. Like peas and carrots. Pez had been around Henry through all the highs and lows, and Henry trusted him with his life and nothing less.
“Hazza, my love, what did you do?” Henry could definitely sense some glee in his voice.
“Alex might have bought a couch for our living room as a nice gesture, and I might have put him through a blast for it.”
Henry could hear Pez sigh from the other side of the call.
“Look, I know things can get a lot sometimes, and we cannot control it.” Pez began. “But I know Alex; I’ve met him a few times, and I think he is a really good person. I really do think that you would get along with him. I’ll come back in a few days, and then we can all catch up.”
“Yes, well, I need to apologize to him first. Anyway, I’m still mad at you that you refused to share the flat with me.”
“Hazza babes, as much as I love you, I cannot let the party animal inside me die. And anyway, I literally live across the hall from you.”
They talked for another hour before Henry settled on his bed. As much as he wanted to sleep, his mind kept going back to Alex. Alex and his beautiful smile, and how the smile faded away when Henry opened his mouth. Alex and his gorgeous eyes, and how those looked, almost hurt when Henry’s words fell like a sword. God, he needed to apologize to him as soon as possible.
It had been another week since Henry’s meltdown, and he had not caught a single glance of Alex this entire time. He knew that Alex had not left because he could see traces of him all over the place. Coffee Mugs in the sink, Mexican takeout in the fridge, a hoodie on the couch, and so many other things. It almost seemed like Alex was deliberately trying to avoid meeting Henry at any possible moment.
Another boring, exhaustive Saturday night had come around again, and Henry just couldn’t sleep. He decided to go to the living room and sit in front of the TV until he passed out from tiredness. As soon as he reached the living room, his steps took a halt from what he saw. In front of him, Alex was stretched on the couch with wild curls falling on the hand rest like a halo. He was watching some random TV show on mute. Slowly, he turned his head to where Henry was standing and immediately sat up.
“I was just going back to my room.” Alex started to get up.
“No, please. Please just sit.” Henry moved towards the couch and stood at the side. “Can I sit with you?”
“Yeah, like I had mentioned, I don’t bite. I can't say the same for anyone else, though.”
Henry pressed his lips together, trying not to smile at the taunt.
“Hey, Alex?” His name felt like it was meant to be said only with love and care. “I’m really sorry for that day. I was angry at someone else, and I took it out on you, and it was a really douchey thing to do. I really do love the couch, and more than that, I would love to be your friend, given that the offer still stands.”
Alex’s face turned towards him, and his eyes landed upon him. He Looked at Henry with considering eyes. Henry felt like butter under his gaze and could sense that his skin was on fire. Slowly, a soft smile appeared on Alex’s face, and all that Henry felt was relief, from head to toe.
“Yes, I think I have it in myself to forgive you.”
“I’m glad.” Henry smiled back. “So, what should we watch for our first Saturday watch party?”
Alex raised his eyebrows. “Do you like Star Wars?”
“Do I like Star Wars? Honey, I live and breathe Star Wars. The Return of the Jedi is my favourite.”
“Woah, woah, woah." Alex’s eyes went wide. “You are so wrong.”
“How can I be wrong about my personal choice?”
“Well, you are. And in this essay, I will...
They laughed, and Henry felt a light and cottony feeling settle in his chest. It was going to be fine. He was going to be fine.