Archive of Our Own

Going back to Korea was harder than Lu Han expected, and he already knew what to expect. It felt strange to say that he was going home to a country that didn't even want him and leaving further and further behind the country that was supposed to be his home. But that was the nature of his life, Lu Han supposed. A life of contradictions.

His mother was there to pick him up from the airport. Lu Han didn't realize just how much he'd missed her until he saw her in front of him, with her curly hair that she'd permed to fit in with the rest of the ahjummas and her arms open wide for him to step into.

She pulled back to get a good look at him. "Did you have a good flight?" She asked in Chinese. Lu Han was grateful to her for that. He always needed to be eased back into Korean.

"Ehhh," Lu Han said with a shrug. It takes about two hours to fly back and forth between Beijing and Incheon and Lu Han usually spends most of that time listening to a mixture of C-pop and K-pop and working on whatever school paper he needed to complete over the holidays or playing with his DS. This time, he was only left with his thoughts that he was going to be back in Korea indefinitely, feeling trapped in his own skin. There was also a crying baby on board.

"Come on, you must be hungry," his mother said, motioning him along. Lu Han slung his duffel bag over his shoulder and followed after her. "Let's go get your luggage. Your father's going to join us for dinner, but we're going to have lunch by ourselves first. What do you feel like eating?"

"Chinese," Lu Han said with a wry smile.

"What are your plans after college?" This was the single most frequent question that Lu Han gets asked by relatives, friends, professors, even strangers he'd just met. He wished he knew the answer. He'd dropped off his CV in person at a couple firms just before he left Beijing, hoping that he would be able to land something there right away and be able to stay in China. He hadn't gotten any answer back from any of them yet. He'll have to keep looking, but it won't be in Korea. This he was at least a hundred percent sure of.

Lu Han attached his CV and clicked send to another round of emails to companies looking to hire accountants. He'd been back in Korea for a couple days now and he'd done nothing every day but send CVs. He'd been pragmatic about his studies, and he'd expected to be rewarded for it, to be able to find a job right away, but of course this was his life, and the economy in fucking China had started to slow down a bit upon his graduation. This was how he knew the universe was definitely out to get him.

He checked his weibo and added an update. Life sucks and then you die.

A response came back shortly from Yixing. Charming.

Lu Han clicked back the reply. bby! i miss you :'(

Yixing's response was swift. i sincerely hope you're trolling

seriously though, i hate being back here.

yeah, i know. i hope you find something here and come back soon. the cat misses you.

me too. tell xiao long bao I miss her too.

QQ?

sure.

Lu Han could hear his mother calling him. ah wait never mind. i have to go. talk to you later?

okay

This was when Lu Han heard exactly what his mother was shouting at him about. "Sehun's here, Lu Han. I'm sending him to your room."

This could not possibly be the same boy that Lu Han last saw four years ago. Lu Han had come back home periodically for the holidays, but he'd try his best to avoid going outside, so he had not been in touch with Sehun since he first left. Most of the time, he had to stay in anyway, swamped with papers and projects, and he'd managed to convince his parents to let him stay in China during the summers, working odd jobs, living at Yixing's, and whittling away long, sun drenched hours with Yixing and Wu Fan. He would hear about Sehun from time to time from his parents talking about Sehun's parents, old neighbors who'd been one of the first to welcome Lu Han's family when they first came to Korea. They'd since moved away, but Lu Han's parents still kept in touch. How tall Sehun had gotten, how Sehun got himself a girlfriend and they're like the cutest things ever, how Sehun still had trouble with his lisp. But this was the first time he'd laid eyes on him.

He did get a lot taller. He was taller than Lu Han now. Even sitting down, Lu Han could tell. And he'd also grown into his features, no longer the awkward, gangly boy who was much too thin and used to tag along with Lu Han wherever he went. He was leaning casually against the doorway of Lu Han's room, well-defined arms folded against his chest, a smile on his face. This was a boy on the cusp of manhood and ready for it.

"Welcome back, hyung," he greeted warmly.

"Sehun-ah," Lu Han couldn't help reverting back to the way he used to get Sehun's attention, as if none of these years had passed. "Oh my god, what have you been eating? I need some of it." He stood up to prove his point.

Sehun laughed and it made him look younger, like things haven't changed as much as they had. "But hyung, you're not that much shorter than me."

"That's still a couple inches too many," Lu Han said sadly. "This is not the reality I want."

Sehun looked like he was going to say something, but Lu Han's mother popped her head into the room. "You kids hungry?"

Sehun's arm wound around Lu Han's as they made their way into the kitchen. How easy it was to fall back into old patterns, like nothing has changed. But with Sehun, perhaps it hadn't.

"I hope you don't mind that it's Chinese food, Sehun. My baby just got back from China and I guess he's feeling a little homesick," Lu Han's mother said while setting out the bowls and cutlery.

"Oh my god, Ma," Lu Han groaned, forehead meeting the table with a heavy thud.

"I'm at the stage in my life where my only forms of entertainment are Korean dramas and embarrassing you in front of your friends. Just let me have this," his mother said, ruffling Lu Han's hair. "Let me know if you guys need anything else." She waved behind her as she left the kitchen.

Lu Han banged his head against the table a couple more times before picking up his pair of chopsticks to dig dejectedly into his bowl of rice. Sehun was trying not to laugh into his, but he was failing miserably.

"I'm glad my pain and suffering is a source of amusement to you. Someday, when something super embarrassing happens to you, I will laugh," Lu Han vowed. "In your face."

Sehun had the audacity to keep snickering.

"So, how are things?" Lu Han found that he genuinely wanted to know. "What have you been up to?"

Sehun shrugged. "Stuff."

"Ah, spoken like a true eighteen-year-old." Lu Han nodded understandably. "Don't you have a girlfriend now? What's she like?"

Sehun looked up sharply at this. "How did you know?"

"My parents were talking about it the last time I came back," Lu Han explained.

"Oh. It's kind of old news though," Sehun said. "We broke up a couple months ago."

"Aw, why? What did you do?" Lu Han said.

"Why do you assume it was my fault?" Sehun actually pouted. Some things never changes, it seemed.

"Uh, because it always is," Lu Han said matter-of-factly.

"Well, what about you?" Sehun asked. "Do you have one now?"

There were many different ways Lu Han could answer this. He could say, no, I haven't found the right girl yet. No, there wasn't time in between going to my classes, studying, homework, hanging out with friends, getting acquainted with the culture and land of my mother country. No, because I'm gay.

"No," he said simply. "I don't."

It was surreal how easy it was to pick things up from where they last left off when it came to Sehun. It had been four years and outwardly, everything had changed so much that Lu Han sometimes wondered how the Sehun he saw now could possibly be that same small, dorky kid who clung to him because Lu Han had protected him from bullies once. But then Sehun would laugh, or he would grasp Lu Han's wrist while he was talking like an afterthought, or how easily he would get embarrassed and smile bashfully to himself, and Lu Han thought, ah, there he is.

He also still had the lisp, although it was a lot less pronounced than when he was a child. Lu Han hoped that the years after he'd left for university had been easier on Sehun in that regard. Lu Han remembered those first few years when he first came to Korea and he, a stranger on unwelcome shores, was relieved that he only spoke with an accent and not a lisp. Those had not been good years for Sehun.

"Um, it's getting late," Sehun said, checking his watch. "I should be heading back."

Lu Han had been completely unaware of the time. "Okay," he said. "Do you need a ride back?"

Sehun shook his head. "I just got my driver's license," he said, sounding proud.

"Now you're truly an adult," Lu Han said, nodding. He walked with Sehun to the front door. "It was really good seeing you again, Sehun."

"Me too," Sehun said, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "Also, my parents want you to come over for dinner tomorrow night."

"Okay," Lu Han said. "I like how your parents didn't even bother phrasing that into a request."

"I live under a totalitarian dictatorship," Sehun agreed. "My Benevolent Leaders will be happy to hear that you will grace them with your presence."

"Get the fuck out of here," Lu Han said, shoving Sehun out the door.

Mr. and Mrs. Oh were college professors who had focused on their academic careers when they were younger and as a result, had had Sehun later in life. There was one time that Lu Han's father wondered if their age was the reason why Sehun has a lisp and Lu Han had to tell him, "A lisp is not exactly a deformity, Ba."

It was Mr. Oh who opened the door when Lu Han arrived to their apartment for dinner. "Who are you?" He asked, eyeing Lu Han suspiciously.

"Mr. Oh, it's me, Lu Han," Lu Han said, body curving instinctively into a slight bow.

"I don't know a Lu Han. Maybe a long time ago, but he hadn't come around in so long that I don't recall a Lu Han. You must have the wrong address," Mr. Oh said, closing the door in Lu Han's face.

"But I'm hungry," Lu Han protested to the door.

It was Sehun who opened it next with a big grin on his face. "Come on, hyung," he said, dragging Lu Han into the apartment.

Mrs. Oh, at least, remembered Lu Han and gave him a big hug when he walked into the kitchen and eventually, Mr. Oh recovered from his amnesia to ask him how things were going and why the hell he hadn't visited them in so long.

"I've been in China," Lu Han said.

"Well, I know that, son, but why haven't you come to visit us when you're home for the holidays?" Mr. Oh asked. "We've all missed you."

Lu Han scratched his head sheepishly. "I'm sorry, things always get super busy around the holidays and they pile on the homework, so it's not really a vacation at all. But I should've visited."

"It's okay," Mr. Oh said. "At least you're here now. I know Sehun is really happy about it."

"Appa," Sehun said, abashed.

Laugh in your face, Lu Han mouthed silently to Sehun. Sehun stuck his tongue out and made a petulant face in response.

Dinner at the Ohs tend to be almost like a deadly game of Russian roulette. Mrs. Oh liked to try out different recipes from different countries and they were often hit or miss, miss being the operative word. Mr. Oh would eat it like there was nothing wrong with salmon that was charred until it looked more black than pink, declaring it another marvelous creation while Lu Han and Sehun choked it down and when they got old enough, sneaking out for a late night meal of dukkbokki and ice cream to make up for dinner.

This time, she made mushroom risotto with more rice sticking to the cooking pan than what she gave to the rest of them.

"Enjoy!" She said.

"Another marvelous creation!" Mr. Oh declared.

Sehun and Lu Han mumbled something incoherent before digging in to the best of their abilities.

Afterwards, Mr. and Mrs. Oh stayed in the kitchen to wash the dishes, ushering Sehun and Lu Han out with, "You guys have a lot of catching up to do. And cleaning this pan might take a while, even as a two-man job."

Lu Han turned to Sehun. "Still hungry?"

The smile on Sehun's face bloomed slowly with recognition. "Fuck yeah." He leaned back towards the kitchen. "Umma, we're heading out!"

It was like nothing had changed.

A couple days later, Lu Han got a call from Sehun.

"So, what are your plans for the summer?" Sehun asked.

Lu Han shrugged, even though he knew Sehun couldn't see it over the phone. "Just going to keep applying for jobs and hope something comes up." He hadn't told Sehun that his job search was centered exclusively in China. "Why?"

"Um, well, my parents were organizing some of their paperwork yesterday, trying to get rid of some clutter, and they found an invoice to a purchase that they forgot they made," Sehun said. "Guess what it is."

"Uh, a small island off the coast of Australia?"

"Nope."

"A small island off the coast of Iceland?"

"Nuh-uh."

"A small island-"

"It's not a small island, hyung."

"Okay, okay, what is it then?"

Sehun paused for dramatic effect. "It's an RV!"

"Wait, how do your parents forget that they own an RV?" Lu Han asked incredulously.

"I don't know, they were children of the Seventies. Apparently, there was a lot of drugs involved back then," Sehun said. He continued. "So, I was thinking of hitting the road and maybe heading down the coast and back before university starts."

"That sounds like fun."

Lu Han could hear Sehun perk up by the sound of his voice. "You think so? Great! I'll pick you up at seven tomorrow morning. Bye!"

"Wait!" Lu Han absolutely didn't yell into the phone. "What do you mean you're picking me up at seven? Explain yourself."

Lu Han now heard Sehun shuffling a bit. "I need someone to go with me. I can't really do this alone and my parents said I can only go if I have someone with me."

"Ah, so they want me to babysit again, huh?" Lu Han said, understanding.

It was quiet on the other end for a while. "Yeah," Sehun finally said. "So will you come with me?"

Lu Han thought about it. There really was nothing to do over the summer except wait by his phone for a company to call him in for an interview and seeing how well that was going, it was going to be a long, uneventful wait. And Lu Han had always wanted to do something like this, take to the road on his own, the feeling of independence and self-sufficiency coursing through his veins, see new sights. But he had wanted to do something like this in the never-ending expanse of China, not here.

"Alright," he said. "I'll do it."

Lu Han had thrown everything he could think of that he would need into his backpack the night before and showed up punctually in front of Sehun's building the next morning. His mother had simply handed him a wad of won and told him to take care of Sehun before ushering him out the door. It was a nice day, the sun already a pleasant ball of orange in the clear blue sky. It was an auspicious day to begin a road trip.

The RV was parked in front of the building. Lu Han was amazed that they even found room on the street to park the thing. It wasn't especially large, but it definitely took up a lot of space on the small strip of street that Sehun's building was on. Sehun popped his head out from behind the door of the RV and motioned Lu Han to come inside.

"Let me give you the grand tour," Sehun said as he moved around the interior. "This is the living room slash bedroom." He walked two steps. "Here is the kitchen." He turned right. "Here is the shower. We're going to have to use the bathrooms at rest stops along the way." He looked around. "I think that's about it."

The RV was definitely cramped, but everything looked like they're functional and where they're supposed to be. However, there was still something wrong with this picture.

"There's only one bed," Lu Han said.

Sehun blinked. "Oh, my parents said there's an air mattress stuffed in here somewhere." He climbed onto the small bed to reach for the overhead bin and pulled it out, rolled up in its deflated state. "Yep, here it is."

"Also, who's going to be driving this thing?" Lu Han asked out of curiosity.

"I was thinking of taking turns if one of us gets tired or bored," Sehun replied.

"But-but you just got your driver's license," Lu Han couldn't help but point out. "We're all going to die before we even leave Seoul, aren't we?"

"Ye of little faith," Sehun said nonchalantly. "Just watch me."

Lu Han did, gripping the armrests of the passenger seat so tightly, his knuckles were white. Things got a little hairy for a moment there when Sehun didn't see the car turning the corner astride him and he barely missed hitting it, but he managed to get them out onto the open road. It was still early enough in the morning that Sehun and Lu Han had not encountered rush hour on the way.

"I think you just shaved a couple years off my life expectancy," Lu Han said, forehead meeting the dashboard.

Sehun hummed happily.

What they never tell you about road trips is that large portions of it can be incredibly boring, nothing but endless stretches of gray asphalt and the cloudless sky so vast and wondrous that Lu Han sometimes had to look away for fear that it would swallow him up.

But it was also relaxing, knowing that he didn't have to do anything, didn't have errands to run, homework to finish, future to worry about (yet). So far, he didn't even have to drive. He didn't have to worry about Sehun killing them all once they got on the open road, so he was able to doze on and off, the passing breeze from the slightly ajar window on his side lulling him to sleep.

He was able to sleep off his exhaustion from waking up at the ass crack of dawn by midmorning, straightening in his seat and trying to shake off the residual drowsiness. The road still stretched ahead of them, unblemished and smooth under the wheels of the RV.

Sehun was tapping his fingers against the steering wheel to a rhythm in his head, eyes unwavering ahead of him.

"Anything eventful happen while I was asleep?" Lu Han asked, voice still cottony from sleep.

"I think I might've ran over a squirrel, but that's about it," Sehun replied.

"Ugh." Lu Han wrinkled his nose at the visual. "Was it your first roadkill?"

"Surprisingly, yes!" Sehun said. "Although, I almost ran over my dad's foot when he was first teaching me how to drive. Almost."

"Oh my god," Lu Han laughed. "I kind of wished I'd been there."

Sehun's face didn't change, but his body stiffened just the slightest and the only reason why Lu Han was able to tell was from years of learning how to read Sehun, who had never worn his feelings out for everyone to see.

"Something wrong?" Lu Han asked, concerned.

Just as suddenly, Sehun relaxed again, smiling brightly at Lu Han through the rearview mirror. "Nope."

Things got a little too boring on the road for Sehun. This was why Lu Han found himself running for dear life from what appeared to be a rabid dog that had gone through genetic mutation to be three times bigger than what a normal sized canine should be. But more on this later.

This was what happened:

"Hey, look, there's an orchard," Sehun said, taking one hand off the steering wheel to point to Lu Han's right. The rows of apple trees seemed to extend on forever, as far as the eyes can see, the spaces between each one winking in and out of Lu Han's view as the RV drove past.

"Say, I'm getting kind of hungry," Sehun suddenly said and when Lu Han turned to him, Sehun had that mischievous glint in his eyes that meant he was up to no good and wanted to drag Lu Han into it as well.

"Oh no. No, no, no, no, no," Lu Han said firmly, wishing desperately that he had taken over driving duty a couple miles back.

No generally meant yes in Sehun's book, so before he knew it, the RV had stopped and Lu Han found himself being pulled out of it against his will.

"I am your hyung. You will listen to me," Lu Han said fruitlessly, getting dragged along.

"Come on, it'll be fun," Sehun said, swinging his leg over the flimsy wooden fence that blocked off the orchard from the main road.

Sehun climbed the trees while Lu Han waited down below to catch the apples.

"This is terrible," Lu Han said. "You are a despicable human being and I am totally going to tell your parents." He caught another one of the apples that Sehun tossed down and balanced it precariously with the growing pile in his arms.

"Hey, what are you boys doing?!"

Lu Han whipped around, an apple tipping from his arms. A tall, burly man in a straw hat, no doubt the orchard owner, was glaring at them, looking like he wanted to kill them with his bare hands. And if his hands got tired, he could always sic the dog he had on the leash on them, a mean looking motherfucker that reached up to the height of Lu Han's pelvis and was currently growling menacingly at them, teeth bared.

Lu Han heard Sehun dropping to the ground beside him.

"I think you've angered the beast," Lu Han said.

"Are you referring to the dog or its owner?" Sehun asked.

"I believe this is the part where we RUN," Lu Han said, taking off like a rocket, apples flying everywhere. He could hear Sehun following close behind him. He could also hear the dog barking nonstop as it kept at their heels.

Despite the very immediate mortal peril, Lu Han laughed as he ran for his life, exhilaration bubbling deep inside of him and spilling forth, the adrenaline pumping through his veins fuel for his legs and the pounding of his heart.

"It's going to be fun, you said. We're not going to get mauled by scary mutant dogs, you said. You're going to bake us an apple pie as compensation for the trauma you just put me through, you said," Lu Han said accusingly, looking at the road ahead of him, having finally wrestled driving duty from Sehun's possessive grip.

"I can't believe you were able to keep as many apples as you did," Sehun said, impressed. He bit into one with a satisfying crunch.

Lu Han's mobile rang. They both stared at it on the dashboard.

"I'm getting reception," Lu Han marveled.

"Most wired country in the world, hyung," Sehun reminded Lu Han. "If you're going to be answering that, let me drive."

Well, Lu Han's driving stint was short lived. He eased the RV to a stop on the side of the highway and he and Sehun switched seats.

Once settled, Lu Han pressed the call button. "Hello?"

"It's me."

"Wu Fan ge!" Lu Han greeted delightedly, switching to Chinese. Wu Fan was actually a few months younger than he was, but he liked to make fun of him. "Oh my god, how are you?"

"I'm doing good. How are you? Yixing told me you're on a road trip."

"Uh, yes. My friend here in Korea wanted to see the coast before he heads to university this year."

Lu Han could hear one of Wu Fan's eyebrows arch questioningly. "Head to university this year? You have a friend who's eighteen years old?"

"Hey, shut up, okay," Lu Han said. "He's one of the few friends I had growing up."

"Okay, okay," Wu Fan said placatingly. "Sounds like fun, though. I'm glad you're doing it."

"So what's up with you?" Lu Han said.

"No, I was just calling to see how you were doing," Wu Fan said. "And see how your job search was going because I just got hired by a small firm as a junior accountant."

"It's not going so great," Lu Han said dejectedly. "I've sent out a ton of CVs, but no one has bitten."

"You'll find something soon," Wu Fan said confidently. "I know you said you wanted to work in China, but you should submit your CV to some places in Korea too, keep your options open."

"Yeah, I know, but it's not that easy for foreigners to get hired for these kinds of jobs here. The only reason why my dad has a job is because he was transferred," Lu Han said, the last part inevitably coming out a little bitter. "Anyway, I'm really happy for you." He really was.

"I'll keep an eye out for you," Wu Fan promised.

When he got off the phone, he found Sehun giving him the side-eye. "What?"

"That was a lot of Chinese I did not understand," Sehun said sadly.

Lu Han grinned. "That was my friend from China. He found a job." His voice caught on the last word. He wished he didn't feel so bitter because it felt awful not to be completely happy for Wu Fan.

Suddenly, Lu Han wanted to call it a day. It was getting late anyway, stars starting to chase the last remaining shades of orange and purple from the sky.

"I'm going to lie down for a while," he said to Sehun.

"Hmm," Sehun hummed.

They came across their first beach, one with pristine white sand and gentle water that glistened like diamonds when the rays of the sun bounced off it. A few scattered people dotted the beach, but it was theirs for the taking. Sehun and Lu Han changed into their swimming trunks and raced each other into the cold water, so cold that it made Lu Han gasp and shiver before his body adjusted. Sehun emerged the victor in the race and in retaliation, Lu Han tackled him into the water, letting the current carry them without resistance. They popped back up to the surface, sputtering, out of breath, and grinning like idiots at each other. Lu Han finally stopped shivering.

Later, when they'd worn themselves out in the water, they walked along the shore, Sehun picking up interesting looking seashells and showing them to Lu Han. He had put on these bright yellow plastic sunglasses that should look ridiculous and they really do, perched high up on Sehun's pale nose. He looked impossibly young.

Sehun caught Lu Han staring and he straightened. He didn't say anything, his face a stoic mask behind those sunglasses as he looked back at Lu Han. Lu Han suddenly wished he could see Sehun's eyes.

"Sometimes I forget how young you are," Lu Han said and he couldn't help raising his hand to touch Sehun's cheek, soft and unblemished under his light fingers, expecting Sehun to flinch away. To his surprise, he didn't.

"I'm not that young anymore, hyung," Sehun murmured softly.

Lu Han saw himself reflected in the black shades of the sunglasses, looking small and faded out. Sehun was everything that he wasn't. Strong, carried himself with a sense of belonging and purpose, confident, beautiful, young. It was more than four years that separated them. There were oceans, as vast as this one, between them.

Lu Han looked away. "I'm hungry. Race you to the lobster shack," he said. This time, Lu Han won and when he looked back, he saw that their feet had made prints in the sand next to each other for as far as his eyes could see.

They stopped for gas and to stock up on (junk) food after regrettably driving on from the beach.

The neon sign of the 24-hour supermarket buzzed pleasantly into the warm, quiet night. Lu Han loved staying up for summer nights like this, when he used to sneak out with Sehun for midnight snacks and later, when he was in China, heading out with Yixing and Wu Fan to wind down from another day of marathon studying. The cover of the night felt like a cozy blanket that Lu Han can curl himself under.

"My dad gave me his credit card, so feel free to go nuts," Sehun said, spreading out his arms to encompass the entire store. "The world is but our oyster."

"Ugh, the accountant in me is weeping at your lack of financial responsibility," Lu Han said, shaking his head. Not one yet, the back of his mind helpfully provided. He tried to make it shut up.

Once they felt they'd loaded up enough food to last them until the next rest stop, they headed towards the checkout line.

"Hello, you boys are out late, huh?" The ahjumma ringing up their purchases said.

"Yes, we're on a road trip," Sehun said cheerfully. He proudly added, "By ourselves!"

Lu Han poked Sehun in the ribs with his elbow. "You shouldn't announce these things to the whole world. What if the person behind us is a serial killer?"

"But...hyung, there's no one behind us."

The ahjumma eyed Lu Han. "You're not Korean, are you?"

Lu Han got enough of this question not to let it faze him. "No, ahjumma, I'm not. I'm Chinese."

The ahjumma nodded. "Your Korean is really good, for a Chinese person."

The thing about comments like these was that it always hit Lu Han from left field, out of nowhere from the people he least expects, so he can never prepare for it, shield himself from it, or at least come up with a witty comeback. He could only stand there, dumbfounded, wanting to crawl out of his own skin.

"Ahjumma, you shouldn't say things like that," Sehun chided.

"No, it's okay," Lu Han said, seeing the shocked look on the ahjumma's face from being reprimanded by an impertinent teenager for something that she must've thought would be a compliment. It didn't matter that Lu Han has lived here for a good portion of his life. He would always be made to feel different, that this was not his real home and never will be. Lu Han knew how it worked. He'd been through enough of it, but he still had to play by their rules. "Thank you, ahjumma." He bowed, lifting the plastic bag of their purchases from the counter and heading towards the exit without a backward glance.

He could hear Sehun catching up and falling in step beside him.

"I'm sorry," Sehun said quietly.

"Why are you apologizing?" Those words came out of Lu Han more terse than he himself expected. And he quickly regretted it, seeing the look on Sehun's face. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Let's just get back to the RV."

Lu Han let Sehun take over driving duty until they can park somewhere for the night. He let Sehun know he was feeling better by shooting a rubber band at him, which Sehun deflected with an arm and a laugh.

"What was it like going back home to China?" Sehun asked, broaching the subject. He said the word home like he wasn't sure if that was the right one to use.

Lu Han took the time to think about it. "I hated that my Korean was better than my Chinese. It was really embarrassing when I first arrived in Beijing. Everyone thought I was trying to be Korean, that I was ashamed and rejecting who I really was. It hurt, because all this time, I thought going back to China would be like going home where I would feel like I belonged. But I didn't. And it hurt worse than being rejected by people here because these people were supposed to be my family, you know what I mean?"

Sehun nodded slowly, as if he was trying to understand.

They hit up more beaches and Lu Han spent more time than was advisable with his head sticking out the window when he's not the one driving, feeling the wind whip through his hair. When he drew his head back in, his ears ringing and his face feeling like it was drained of all moisture, Sehun would point to his hair and laugh.

"It looks like a potted plant," Sehun astutely observed.

They attempted to build their own fire.

"Okay, google it again. I don't think this website is giving us the right instructions," Lu Han insisted when his hands started to blister from rolling the twig between them for the last half hour, trying to spark a flame. In the end, he had to admit defeat and threw down the stick into the pile of dry leaves and bark in frustration.

"Someday," he vowed.

On some nights, when the summer heat became too unbearable and stifling inside the RV, they would drag the air mattress outside and inflate it on the grass or the sand and sleep out in the open air, stars shining bright like jewels above them. Sehun would tell Lu Han about what he had missed in the last four years, about the speech therapist that his parents hired to get rid of his lisp, although it never quite went away but that's okay because it endeared himself to girls, and about Jongin, the best friend he made in high school who usurped Lu Han's previously held position and will be going to the same university in the fall, and about his ex-girlfriend, who grew up in America, so she liked people to call her by her English name, Krystal, instead.

"I missed a lot," Lu Han said.

Sehun looked at him. "Yeah, you did."

Something about the tone of Sehun's voice rubbed Lu Han the wrong way. "In my defense, I had to go live my own life, too," he said.

"But you could've kept in touch," Sehun said, sitting up on the mattress. "You didn't even say goodbye when you left and I only found out about it from your mom when I came over to hang out. Imagine how that felt."

"You knew I was going away to college," Lu Han said, sitting upright as well and staring at the tense line of Sehun's turned back. "And it wasn't like I could've called you at the crack of dawn just to say goodbye. You were never a morning person and I don't think your parents would've appreciated it."

"This is all just a joke to you, isn't it?" Sehun snapped, turning to glare at him. "Sometimes you can be so selfish."

Lu Han jerked back, stunned. They'd never spoken to each other like this before, Lu Han having always let Sehun have his way because he was the older one and any arguments they had quickly forgotten by Sehun's short attention span as a kid.

"Sehun-ah," Lu Han said softly, reaching for him. Sehun stood up to avoid his touch.

"I'm going back in to sleep," Sehun said, turning and walking away.

Sehun still gets nightmares. Lu Han found this out the next night after a day of silent treatment from Sehun, which Lu Han found both bewildering and troubling. He didn't try to initiate conversation or try to defend himself, hoping that time would fix matters.

He was awoken by soft whimpers coming from the bed, having volunteered to sleep below on the air mattress, hoping that it would be like a peace offering between them. Sehun had just crawled into bed without a word and turned away from Lu Han.

Lu Han climbed onto the bed, his eyes adjusting to the darkness to find Sehun still asleep, but his face was contorted in fear.

"Shhh, Sehun, it's alright, it's me," Lu Han whispered, dodging Sehun's flailing limbs and wrapping his body around Sehun's.

Curling his body around Sehun felt different now than when they were kids. Sehun used to be so much smaller than Lu Han that he was able to shield Sehun completely from those nightmares when he had them during their sleepovers, calming him with words murmured into his ear. Sehun was a lot bigger now, all hard lines and taut strength under lean muscles. And Christ, Lu Han could feel his body responding to it. Fuck fuck fuck. He never hated being gay more than he did right now.

Hoping that it would help, he thought back to when he used to do this when Sehun was younger and he would sing him Korean lullabies to get him back to sleep. He didn't know any Chinese ones. His mother had not exactly been the sing lullabies to her child type. He didn't realize he'd been singing until he felt Sehun's hand wrap around his wrist, as if it helped ground him back to reality.

"Why'd you stop singing?" Sehun asked, his voice muffled from sleep and his eyes half-lidded as he stared up at Lu Han.

"You're getting too old for this," Lu Han said gently.

Sehun turned his face away. "I'm always either too young or too old. When will I ever be the right age for you?"

Lu Han wasn't sure how to answer that. So, instead he said, "Do you want me to leave?"

"No, stay," Sehun said petulantly, tightening his grip of Lu Han's wrist.

"So, does this mean I'm forgiven?" Lu Han asked.

"No comment," Sehun said.

Lu Han could've sworn he saw a smile in the darkness.

"A road trip wouldn't be complete without alcohol," Lu Han said when he saw the neon sign of a bar flashing on their way through the next town. He was going to be a bad influence for once, wanting to take the edge off the last couple of days. He and Sehun seemed to have come to a tentative truce, Sehun slowly warming to him again, but still, a drink would be nice.

The bar was crowded that evening, but Lu Han and Sehun were able to find a seat on the counter and order themselves some beer. Lu Han was the one who got carded.

"Whyyyyy?" Lu Han lamented after the bartender had looked over his ID and walked away to take care of their order.

Sehun smirked. Lu Han brightened up. "But at least he didn't check your ID."

Lu Han knew for a fact that Sehun must've drank before. He remembered being fourteen and taking his first swig of beer offered to him by a classmate at a party, choking on the bitterness and the way it burned his throat on the way down. It felt really good afterwards though, his insides warm and fuzzy and the constant storm of anxiety in him dulled by the alcohol.

"Here's to making it this far and not dying," he said, clinking his bottle with Sehun's and downing half of it under Sehun's awed watch.

"Oh my god, hyung," Sehun said.

"Free Tibet!" Lu Han said out of the blue, already feeling the buzz. He really did mean that though. Tibet needs to be freed from the evil clutches of the Chinese government. He could see Sehun shake his head and take a drink from his beer. He must really be on his way to inebriation because Sehun's lips should not be this fascinating, red, almost obscene pressed against the mouth of the bottle. He truly, truly hated being gay. It tainted everything, even childhood friendships with someone who was half his height when he was fifteen and Sehun was, Jesus Christ, eleven.

He saw Sehun make eye contact with a girl across the room and then shyly look away. He grinned.

"She's pretty. Why don't you go talk to her?" Lu Han said, nodding in her direction. "She's making eyes at you."

Sehun turned to look at him, eyes seeming strangely intense, as if looking right into him. "Do you want me to?"

That was a strange question. Sehun has been asking a lot of strange questions lately. "Of course. Why shouldn't you? You're pretty, she's pretty. I might not be an accountant yet, but even I can do the math on this one."

Sehun was quiet as he kept looking at Lu Han. Lu Han started to get a little nervous. "Come with me," Sehun finally said. "She has a friend."

Lu Han shook his head. "Why not?" Sehun asked.

"Because I only date Chinese girls and they're kind of in short supply around here," Lu Han said, congratulating himself on coming up with that quickly.

Sehun stuck his tongue out to lick his lips, as he always did when he was thinking. Lu Han gritted his teeth. "Okay," Sehun said, slipping off the stool and standing. "Okay. Wish me luck, hyung."

"Good luck," Lu Han whispered to Sehun's departing back. He felt awful and he wasn't sure why. He gulped down the rest of his beer to try to make the feeling go away.

He was sitting there, determinedly trying not to look in the direction of where Sehun was flirting with the girl, when he heard snatches of words that made his blood run cold, words like Chinaman over there and You think so? and When have you ever seen Korean men look so girly?

He swallowed the burning bile rising in his throat and turned his head towards the direction where this conversation was taking place. Two men were standing against the wall closest to him, straightening when they caught him looking at them. Propelled by alcohol and the familiar rage stirring deep inside him, he stood up and made his way over to them, his fists clenched so tight, he was surprised his nails were not drawing blood. He could see the two men take defensive stances as he neared enough to stand in front of them.

"Something I can help you with, Chinaman?" The man who made the comment said coolly.

"If you have something to say, say it to my face," Lu Han said, surprising himself with how steady his voice came out. "Unless Korean men don't have the balls to do that."

That raised the man's hackles. "Fucking Chinaman," the man spat out. "You're probably a fucking faggot too, aren't you? Chinese flower boys like you probably like to take it up the ass like a girl."

Lu Han took a swing and his fist made solid contact with the man's jaw and it must've caught him by surprise because that, Lu Han was loathed to admit, was the only reason why he was still standing.

The next thing he knew, he was tackled to the floor, the wind knocked completely out of him. He thought he might've even blacked out for a moment. He barely had time to gulp for air before a fist hit the side of his head with the force of what seemed like a brick to the face. The man was now on top of him, suffocating him, and the fists never stopped coming. He tried to hold out his arms to try to block them, but they never stopped coming, punches to his face and ribs that made Lu Han wondered if the next one would be the last because it would be the one that kills him.

This was it. He was going to die in some fucking backwater hick town in fucking Korea, killed by some fucking racist Korean and Sehun's going to have to take his body back to his parents. He hoped his parents would remember to bury him in China, make his death seem a little less meaningless and tragic.

Then suddenly, he felt fresh air rushing back into the empty space that the man vacated, feeling weightless now that the man was off him.

He heard the sound of glass shattering and the thud of something heavy falling, the vibrations against the hardwood floor making his aching bones shake. Arms suddenly wound around him. His first instinct was to resist, worried that it was the man coming back to finish him off, but he heard Sehun murmuring: "It's okay, it's okay, hyung. It's me, it's me."

The relief that flooded through him almost made him sob. He let Sehun pull him back to his feet and he wound his arm around Sehun's neck for support, leaning against him as Sehun guided them out of the bar because the blood rushing to his head was making everything a blur.

It seemed like forever before they made their way back into the RV. Lu Han was surprised that no one has stopped them to either complete the task of beating the impetuous foreigner to death or demand that they compensate for the property they no doubt damaged.

He finally felt the soft fabric of the bedsheets under him and he sank into the mattress, curling into himself, hoping that would alleviate some of the pain. He felt the warm press of Sehun's hand in the space between his shoulderblades and suddenly, inexplicably, the rage that got him into this mess in the first place came back in full force. He shrugged off Sehun's hand and surged up. He was ready to tear the world to shreds.

"I hate this fucking country. I hate being here. I hate that I can't move on with my life because I live in this fucking country. I'm sick of being in a place that hates me just because all of you are xenophobic, racist pricks," Lu Han spat out, and because he was on a roll, before he could stop himself, he said, "I hate being gay."

His stomach lurched violently and he barely had time to shove Sehun out of the way before making it outside to throw up everything he ate that day on the side of the road. He gagged when there was nothing left to come up, but his stomach seemed determined to want to exit his body as well, along with the rest of his organs. He couldn't stop shaking and it was so cold.

In his periphery, he could just barely make out Sehun coming out of the RV. Sehun took a step forward, cautious, skittish like a scared animal, but his face. His face was the worst. It was sympathetic, compassionate.

"Please don't come any closer." Lu Han's voice came out small, defeated. He'd been through enough humiliation for one day. "I'm okay. Just go back inside. I just need a moment."

Sehun stared at him with those half-lidded, indecipherable eyes before he turned around to climb back up the steps of the RV. Lu Han waited until the door was closed behind Sehun before facing away from the RV so that Sehun wouldn't see the tears sliding down hot against his face. He pressed the back of his hand to his mouth to try to stifle the sobs that threatened to escape. It seemed impossible to be in this much pain. His whole body felt like it had been run over by the RV several times from getting the shit beaten out of it, his left eye was throbbing hot, spots flashing with each pulse, but the worst pain was the crushing pressure in his chest threatening to suffocate him. He wanted to curl into himself and disappear.

What happened at the bar had been the culmination of Lu Han's worst fears, that his sexuality was as obvious as the shade of his skin, and being surrounded by people who condemned him for both. He felt like a trapped animal, wounded and ready to destroy everything in his path to escape, even himself.

After a while, he wasn't sure how long, but long enough for the initial wave of panic to subside a bit, Lu Han straightened. He still felt like shit, but he felt he could at least face Sehun again. It was having to face everything else that worried Lu Han.

He walked slowly back to the RV, dreading the moment when he has to look Sehun in the face and endure his judgment. He was careful to avoid Sehun's gaze when he entered the RV. The first thing he had to do before anything else was rinse his mouth out, moving silently past Sehun on the bed to pour himself a glass of water. After he'd spat the water into the sink, he finally turned around, but he still didn't have the courage to meet Sehun's eyes.

"Christ, I can't believe I just came out to you," Lu Han said, huffing out a small humorless laugh. He wasn't sure what else to say.

It was quiet. The muffled sounds outside their RV, the whizzing of cars driving past, crickets buzzing, suddenly seemed too loud. Finally, "Hyung-"

"I hope this doesn't have to change anything between us," Lu Han said quickly. "But if me being...gay," Lu Han hated that it was still so difficult for him to say it out loud, "if it's making you uncomfortable, you can drop me off at the bus depot and I'll find a bus back to Seoul." He finally felt he could look up at Sehun, but now it was Sehun who wasn't looking at him.

"Hyung," Sehun said quietly, staring down at his lap. "It's okay."

Lu Han let out the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

He was careful not to make any physical contact with Sehun after that. He didn't want to have to see Sehun flinch away in disgust because seeing that would be worse than any pain he'd experienced so far.

"We should probably start heading back," Sehun said, eyes not meeting Lu Han's.

Lu Han nursed his wounds and agreed.

After consulting the map, they decided to take a different route going back, heading inland instead this time. Lu Han's black eye started to fade a bit, turning red and he had to keep putting ice on it to keep the swelling down. He still hadn't apologize to Sehun about what he said that night, words that would've made his blood boil if it had been directed at him, but he was afraid that any apology would come out insincere. And he had to admit, it felt good saying it, years of slights, snide remarks, and tightly contained rage unleashed, even if it was to the wrong person.

But something had changed between them. It was a change that felt tangible, a barrier between them that Lu Han knew would be there forever. Nothing would be the same after that night, but maybe Lu Han had it coming, too many things left unspoken on his part and too many things that he had taken for granted. This was his punishment and his penance. Lu Han silently mourned the loss of what they had, not realizing how important it was to him until it was gone.

He tried his best to make a poor imitation of it.

"I am determined to start this fire," Lu Han said one evening, the damned twig and a flat piece of cedar in his hands.

An hour later, they wound up having to use a match.

Sehun poked the fire with a long, slender branch, a small flame sitting atop a bed of dried leaves and thick strips of bark that they'd found lying around on the ground. "I feel like gathering around this fire calls for story time. I'd like to tell you a story-"

"Oh no, not a story," Lu Han said.

"No, listen, it's a good one," Sehun insisted. He paused for dramatic effect. "There once was a boy who had a lisp and was used to be made fun of in school because of it. People thought he was a little slow, and after a while, the boy started believing it to be true. That might've been the end of the story for our tragic hero, but then this other boy came along, and told him that there was nothing wrong with his lisp. And because this boy was also four years older, he was also a lot bigger than the bullies that have been tormenting our tragic hero. They were ants under his feet. The boy said his words differently too, but tragic hero thought there was nothing wrong with that either. Our tragic hero worshipped this boy and thought how incredibly lucky he was that the boy allows him to tag along wherever he goes. Of course, later, tragic hero finds out that it's because the boy has been tasked with babysitting him. But still, those were some of the best years of tragic hero's life. He really wants this boy to know that their childhood together is what shaped tragic hero into the person he is today. But then, they grow up, and the boy went off to college in another country and he didn't even say good bye to tragic hero before he left. Tragic hero is ashamed to admit that he did cry over this, like shed actual tears, because he was that upset over it. But tragic hero also wants this boy to know that he never stopped missing him. And he never stopped thinking about him."

Lu Han had sat through this, listening as if from far away, detached from his body. He felt light-headed and the heat from the crackling fire was getting unbearable. He stood up unsteadily, his legs feeling like they were about to collapse under him. He needed air, he needed to breathe.

"I-I need a moment," he could hear himself saying as he stumbled blindly into the dark, without looking back.

He didn't know where he was going and it was only blindly bumping into the trunk of a tree that stopped him from wandering too far from the campsite. He slid down onto the ground, legs finally giving out from under him, twigs poking into his calves and the dust and dirt rough against his skin.

Sehun really shouldn't say these things. Ridiculously, that was all Lu Han could think about. He really shouldn't say these things. Because those words may mean one thing to Sehun, but another thing entirely for Lu Han. Because there was no turning back. He was so in love with Sehun that it was probably going to kill him someday. The realization terrified him and it made him feel raw, like a gaping, vulnerable wound, because he knew Sehun would never feel the same way for him.

He got up slowly to his feet, the ground knocked out from under him for the second time in as many days. But this time, it was much easier to face Sehun.

When he returned to the campsite, he found Sehun restless on his feet, hands in his jean pockets. Lu Han could tell he was nervous, but about what, he didn't know. If anyone should be nervous, it was Lu Han, he was inclined to think. He cleared his throat. Sehun's head snapped up and his face seemed to simultaneously relax and tighten with anxiety as he looked at Lu Han.

Lu Han walked up to Sehun, determined. "I have a story to tell too," he said. "This boy was not in a good place when he left. He was angry with his life and he was itching to get out of the place where he thought he didn't belong, where he thought no one wanted him. He didn't realize that there was someone who did care. He wants to tell tragic hero that he didn't mean to hurt him. That he didn't realize he even had the ability to do that. Okay, I don't know why I'm still referring to myself in the third person, but I'm sorry, I'm so sor-"

Sehun chose this moment to lean in and press his lips against Lu Han's. And Lu Han-

Lu Han gasped and shoved Sehun away. He stared at Sehun in disbelief, his mouth gaping like a startled fish, an unattractive startled fish. "Why didn't you tell me that you were gay, too?" He finally managed to get out once he found his voice.

"Because that would mean that I'd also have to tell you how I knew," Sehun said.

"How you knew?" Lu Han repeated, confused. Then it dawned on him. "You knew because of me."

Sehun nodded. "When you told me you were gay, I wanted to tell you so badly, but I didn't know if you'd feel the same way. I was just a kid from your past that you wanted to leave behind."

Lu Han felt like his entire world had just shifted on its axis, and the change was so disorienting that he had to hold on to Sehun to keep himself upright. He leaned in to kiss Sehun again, wanting to really taste Sehun's lips this time and wanting to make sure that this was real, that this really happened, was happening.

Lu Han didn't remember how they got back into the RV, but the next thing he knew, he was lying on the bed with Sehun leaning over him. He could see Sehun's eyes glistening in the dim light of the wall lamp above them and the intensity in them made him shiver at the thought of what was to come.

Lu Han laughed breathlessly, trying to calm his pounding heart. "I used to babysit you," he said nonsensically.

"We can role play later," Sehun said, proceeding to kiss the breath out of Lu Han.

"Your parents are going to kill me," Lu Han said once he was able to come up for much needed air.

"Please don't talk about my parents while I'm trying to have sex with you," Sehun said, stripping Lu Han of his clothes.

The rest of the trip became about how much sex they could have before Lu Han grunted out his last orgasm, feeling more pain than pleasure, and had to push Sehun away after they'd both came, breath ragged and Lu Han's sweat-soaked, shaking body a bundle of oversensitive nerves.

Lu Han's bruises from the bar started to fade, to be replaced by ones made by Sehun this time, sucked and bitten into his skin.

Once, they slipped off the bed. Lu Han laid there on the floor, the linoleum cold and hard against his back, and Sehun was only able to move in tiny, quick thrusts because they were both trapped in the tangled sheets and couldn't be bothered to stop.

Sehun licked his own come from between Lu Han's ass cheeks, his tongue the instrument of both Lu Han's pleasure and torment, while Lu Han writhed and sobbed into the pillow, until finally finally Sehun took mercy and slid into Lu Han again, entrance eased by Sehun's saliva and leftover come and lube. Incredibly, they'd managed to find lube in a tiny convenience store at the next town they passed. They didn't even bother with condoms, young lust making them reckless and invincible.

Sehun sucked Lu Han off more than once and Lu Han could do nothing but grip a fistful of Sehun's silky hair and thrust mindlessly into the heat of his mouth, but Sehun didn't seem to mind, his moans vibrating through Lu Han until Lu Han's crying out his release. They did this enough times that Sehun learned how to swallow Lu Han's cock without gagging, letting it hit the back of his throat. Lu Han tried to stifle his screams from the overwhelming sensation, but Sehun was always able to pull choked noises from him anyway. Then, once the fog of his orgasm started to dissipate, Lu Han would wrap his hand around Sehun's cock and try to return the favor. He was fascinated with the way Sehun came apart because of him, gasping, shuddering, and staring wonderingly at Lu Han, as if he still couldn't believe this was happening. Lu Han felt the same way.

"You've done this before." Lu Han didn't even bother to pose this as a question to Sehun as they laid under the covers, bodies inextricable from each other that Lu Han wasn't sure where he ended and Sehun began anymore.

Sehun was silent before he answered. "Not like this, but yes," he said. He didn't volunteer any more information.

Lu Han stared at him until Sehun let out an exasperated sigh. "It was with my ex-girlfriend, because I thought that having a girlfriend would make me...not gay."

Lu Han laughed softly, his fingers drawing patterns across Sehun's chest. "That's not how it works, Sehun."

"I know," Sehun said. "I was an idiot. She deserved a lot better and I had the biggest crush on her too. But I couldn't stop thinking about you and eventually, she started to notice. Sometimes I don't even know if I am gay or bisexual or whatever. The only guy I've been attracted to has been you. Maybe I'm just Lu Han-sexual." He flashed a shit eating grin.

Lu Han groaned loudly, truly pained. "That was awful." He sobered. "To be honest, I don't like putting labels on myself. Labels have always been the bane of my life and I don't see why I should let my sexuality define me just because I'm gay."

Sehun nodded in agreement and they laid in the dark, quietly basking in the warmth of each other's bodies. It was Sehun who broke the silence. "Is it too late to mention that I might possibly have been conceived in this RV?"

"Oh god, I thought we weren't going to talk about your parents." Lu Han burrowed his face in the crux of Sehun's neck, utterly horrified.

It was the trill of Lu Han's mobile ringtone that pulled him slowly from sleep. He groggily groped around for his phone, his muscles stretching and aching in a satisfying sore way that came from days of doing nothing but having sex.

"Hello?"

"Hello, am I speaking with Lu Han?" A male voice said in Chinese.

Lu Han quickly switched over. "Yes, this is he. May I ask who's speaking?"

"My name is Wang Xiwen, and I'm in the human resources department of Moming Industries. We received your CV and we're interested in setting up an interview with you."

Lu Han disentangled himself from Sehun's limbs and juggled the phone precariously while trying to put on his pants even though, logically, he knew Mr. Wang couldn't see him. But he was not going to conduct a conversation regarding a prospective job in the nude, not if he could help it.

"Yes, thank you so much for your interest in my CV," Lu Han said, hoping he didn't sound too caught off guard. He exited the RV and shut the door quietly behind him, the biting chill of the morning making him shiver. He didn't want to wake Sehun up.

"Of course," Mr. Wang said. "We were really impressed with your marks that you received in school and although your job experience in the accounting field is a bit limited, we're hoping to find someone green that we can train to work with our software. Would you still be interested in coming in for an interview?"

"Yes, yes, of course," Lu Han said, the danger of sounding overeager be damned. Somebody wanted him for a job dammit. "But uh, I'm actually in Korea right now," he continued. "I'm actually a naturalized Korean citizen, but I do have the paperwork for a job visa prepared and ready to be submitted."

"That's not a problem," Mr. Wang said. "We can arrange a phone or video interview, whichever is more convenient for you."

Lu Han set up the interview and he got off the phone, dazed. He actually had an interview lined up. People actually considered him good enough to be a functioning, contributing member of society. He was going to try his best not to disappoint them. He wanted to jump for joy, perform some cartwheels, but then the soreness of his muscles reminded him of-Sehun. Oh no.

When he turned to go back into the RV, wondering how he was going to break the news to Sehun, he found him already leaning against the entrance, staring at him. He'd thrown on his t-shirt and jeans. They looked at each other.

"I have an interview for a job in China," Lu Han finally said.

"I know." Sehun nodded.

"I might not get the job."

"You will. I have faith in you."

Lu Han reached for Sehun and Sehun came, as always. He was solid and steady against Lu Han, his lean body now a familiar terrain under Lu Han's hands. Lu Han felt safe in Sehun's arms. It was a new feeling, but it was also a feeling he could really easily find himself getting used to.

"If, if I get this job," Lu Han said, swallowing hard and tightening his arms around Sehun. "I'm going back to China." And it might be for good was something that lie unspoken between them.

"You know me, hyung," Sehun said, the vibrations of his voice echoing from his chest to Lu Han's. "I'll always be following where you're going, like when we were kids."

Lu Han exhaled, all the wind knocked out of him. "I'll come visit you at university whenever I can."

He could feel Sehun nod. "And when I'm done, I'll finally be old enough for you."

"That's true. I'll probably look less like a cradle robber when you're twenty one and I'll be...," Lu Han trailed off. "Oh my god, I'll be twenty-five." He paused and then he said in a small voice, "I still feel like a cradle robber."

Sehun rubbed his shoulder sympathetically.

The last night they had before re-entering the outskirts of the Seoul metropolitan area, Sehun pinned Lu Han against the wall with his body and fucked him hard, Lu Han completely boneless and at his mercy on his lap. Sehun didn't stop kissing Lu Han, his mouth insistent but soft against his.

"Sehun, fuck, I'm-." Lu Han felt like he had to rip those words out of himself, and yet he still couldn't help but break off into a moan when another one of Sehun's thrusts sparked a renewed burst of pleasure in him that made his toes curl, his legs wrapped around Sehun's waist.

Sehun sped up, his rhythm becoming more and more uneven, his cock a relentless heat in Lu Han. "Come for me, hyung," he panted out, stroking Lu Han's cock, his steady hand a sharp contrast to his thrusts. "Please come for me. Please, please."

The devastation in Sehun's wrecked voice was what broke Lu Han. He could only tighten his arms around Sehun's neck and hold on as he let himself be swept up and destroyed by the orgasm Sehun wrenched out of him.

Dimly, Lu Han could feel the wet surge of warmth flooding in him as Sehun emptied himself with a muffled groan into Lu Han's shoulder. Sehun didn't stop trembling and Lu Han knew, neither could he.

"How do I look, Sehun?" Lu Han asked, smoothing down his hair at the cafe where he and Sehun were meeting up with Sehun's parents. "I need to make sure I look presentable to your parents. Do I look like I haven't thoroughly defiled their only son and bearer of future progeny?"

"Um, you don't exactly have child-bearing hips, hyung," Sehun said. "Besides, if I recall correctly, I think I did most of the defiling."

"And I really hope we've laundered the bedsheets enough not to reflect that," Lu Han said worriedly.

"Hyung," Sehun said, laughing. "It's fine. My parents kind of figured out that I had a crush on you all these years. I wasn't exactly very subtle about it."

Lu Han flailed his arms helplessly. "They knew and they still let me go on this trip with you? Your parents really did do drugs in the Seventies, didn't they?"

"Hi kids, welcome back!" The Ohs greeted, materializing seemingly out of nowhere, causing Lu Han to jump.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Oh," Lu Han said weakly.

Sehun looked like he was seriously going to die trying to keep in his laughter. Lu Han was sorely tempted to cuff him over the head, but he didn't think Mr. and Mrs. Oh would appreciate him causing their only son and bearer of future progeny physical harm.

"So, how was it?" Mrs. Oh asked, looking expectantly at them. "Was it the life-changing experience that I promised?"

"And most importantly, did you max out my credit card?" Mr. Oh chimed in.

"No, we did not max out the credit card, and yes, it was a life-changing experience," Sehun said, wrapping his arm around Lu Han's waist for emphasis, causing Lu Han to squawk and a little part of him to die inside. Despite Sehun's reassurances, this was the first time Lu Han had came out to a parental figure and that was what the Ohs were. He wasn't sure how they were going to react, on top of them being Sehun's parents.

"That's my boy," Mr. Oh said proudly, slapping Sehun on the back.

Turned out he really didn't have anything to worry about. That was anti-climatic.

"You guys are, like, really open-minded about this," Lu Han said.

"I hate to break it to you, kiddo, but it's about supporting your children, not being open-minded. Your parents would feel the same way if you give them the chance," Mrs. Oh said.

"I'll tell them someday," Lu Han promised.

It had been a good summer. Lu Han didn't get the first job that he interviewed for, but he did get the third one, a junior accountant position at a mid-size manufacturing firm. It gave him the rest of the summer to spend with Sehun before he had to head back to China, time that he needed to adjust to the change in their relationship. He still had trouble being able to even hold hands with Sehun in public, and he knew he still had some major issues to work through, but for the first time in his life, he felt like he finally belonged somewhere. He would look at Sehun, smiling back and reaching for him, and think, this is us, as it always has been.

The glow of summer came to an end.

"Ugh, college," Sehun said gloomily.

"You'll love it," Lu Han said.

Sehun's journey was just beginning and Lu Han's starting to think, so was his.