Archive of Our Own

It's been almost a week.

My wife hasn't spoken to me for almost a week except when it's about our dog, Coco, or your usual update on our whereabouts and her one-worded replies. Other than that, it's silence from her. 

She won't even look at me.

I don't even think she even noticed that I recently cut my hair.

It hurts. 

I was used to her being quiet after a fight but normally, it only lasts for two days. 

Not this long. 

And not this painful. 

She'd let me kiss her, let me hold her when we sleep. I'd tell her I love her and she whispers it back like she's whispering it in the air, devoid of its meaning. 

But it all sounds empty, like she's only doing those things because she's used to it, not because she means it.

But I hope I'm wrong. 

I think I know my wife well enough to know that she will always mean it when she says I love you.

I think this whole situation just got me paranoid. 

And it hurts when I try to look at her and all I see is emptiness, eyes void of any emotion. 

Perhaps she was really tired of the whole thing; the same thing that we fight about over and over again. 

I have been trying to fix it. 

Perhaps I've become too complacent of our relationship. 

Because whatever comfort I'm trying to give her, it's not enough. 

Her body is rigid, her heart closed off. 

Perhaps I've really done it this time. 

And I don't know how to make it better. 

We had just gotten ready for bed. 

It's our usual routine: we shower together, we stay up on our phones for a bit, and then we sleep. 

Karina was on her side of the bed, her back against the headboard as she maniacally types on her laptop.

She's like this sometimes: writing viciously when inspiration strikes. She could go on for hours doing it, afraid that if she stops, she might lose her train of thought.

So, I let her be while I would glance at her from time to time. 

I'm not so good with words so it amazes me how she can create something so good, stringing letters together. 

And then she would suddenly stop, turn to me and ask me if I would want to read. 

"Babe, do you wanna read what I wrote? I got inspired by you," she asked, turning her body towards me. 

I looked up from my phone. "Sure. Send it to me." 

She typed furiously on her laptop and a notification popped up on my phone. I exited whatever Tiktok video I was watching and read her latest work. 

Karina is so talented with words. 

Sometimes I can't even begin to tell her how good she is.

I simply have no words. 

So when she asks, "what do you think?" I simply say, "it's good, babe." 

Most of the time that simple phrase would pacify her and she would smile and resume with her writing. 

Sometimes, she would ask for more. 

"You don't have any other comments?" 

"It's good, babe," I told her again because I don't know what else to say. 

"Seriously? You don't have any other comments?" 

And because I'm a simpleminded person, I often misinterpret her words. 

Because Karina likes to do this. She asks questions – hard questions that really test me. It's the kind of game she likes to play and it's the kind of game that I don't like participating in because it leads to me being judged. 

For whatever reason, I saw her question as one of her games and something in me snapped. 

"I don't want to play your games, babe."

Karina whipped her head in my direction, frowning. "What the hell? I'm asking for your opinion. Do you have any other comments?"

"No, I don't want to do this," I dismissed her and went back to watching videos on my phone. 

"What do you mean? I'm genuinely asking for your opinion." She sounded upset but for whatever reason again, I dodged her. I was on defense mode. I didn't want another one of her games. 

Not tonight. 

"No, because you always do this and then it's like you trick me and judge me for my opinion," I reasoned out, waving my hand in the air because I didn't want to deal with another one of her inquisitions. 

"What?" She asked, confused. At that point, she was getting heated. 

Karina can argue. And she was getting ready. 

"See, this is why I don't like telling you things because you nitpick everything I say and make me look like the bad guy." I was also getting annoyed, upset that she was playing this game again when we're about to sleep. "You judge me for the things I say when you ask me  questions." 

"Where did this even come from?" Karina raised her voice and I winced. I don't like it when she raises her voice. "I wanted to hear your opinion about my story and you go off on a tangent. And now you're saying this to me?" She said incredulously. 

And with a puff, she breathed out "unbelievable."

"See what I mean!" My phone has long been forgotten, annoyed at how the night was turning out. I was getting angry, all rationality out of the window. 

"What, Winter? What exactly do you mean? Because I don't think I'm doing something wrong here. You're the one who's being so dismissive and snappy when all I wanted was your opinion on my work." 

"I don't like doing your little games. This is the reason why I don't tell you anything even if I know you're wrong because it always ends up like this. So I avoid it because I don't like to fight." 

I could feel myself heating up from the tension. "Whatever I tell you, I always lose." 

"There is no winning or losing here, Winter. I ask you questions because I want to have a discussion with you." I could see the tears forming in her eyes. "And now you're telling me you avoid talking to me because you hate fighting with me?" She heaved a sigh, shoulders slumping in the process.

And with her lowest voice, she whispered, "All along, I thought you were okay with me."

Karina is scary when she raises her voice. But it's scarier when she becomes quiet, voice hardened and eyes darkened. 

"But now I find out that you don't even open up to me to avoid fighting with me." 

"Because, this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid. When you say something that upsets me, I sweep it under the rug because I don't like this!"

"So you would rather avoid talking it out with me? Do you know how that makes me feel, babe?" 

She wiped the tears from her cheeks. "I always ask you to open up to me because I don't want you bottling up your feelings." Karina sniffled, hiccuping the words out of her mouth. "Because I know how you always blow up and turn it against me. Like right now." 

"You know sometimes I just don't want to because I'm not good with words. I somehow always say the wrong things. I can't think clearly," I huffed, my emotions on overdrive. She was doing it again, pinning everything on me. 

Karina looked at me as if she's unable to believe everything that's coming out of my mouth. "So your best solution is not to talk to me? To avoid situations like this? But look where we are, Winter. You're blowing up, taking things out of proportion when all I asked was a simple comment from you." She shook her head in disbelief. "Why do you always think I'm out to get you? You're always so defensive when it comes to this." 

"Because you always make me look like the bad guy!" I was determined to let her know how wrong she was. 

"This is not how our relationship is going to be, babe," she whispered. "If you can't tell me things — if you can't open up to me then what is our relationship going to be? You would rather bottle up all your bad emotions. You're going to end up hating me." 

"That's not going to happen." 

"You don't know that." 

"I do know. And I'm not going to hate you. I love you" 

"No, you don't know that." I willed myself to look at her and all I could see was hurt. Karina looked vulnerable and suddenly, all the anger bubbling up inside me was slowly dissipating. "You're already doing it, babe. You're avoiding confrontation. Next thing you know, all these bad feelings you have for me will pile up and you will end up despising me."

I didn't want to believe her. I love her too much for that to happen. "No, I won't." I was trying so hard to convince her. Or was I convincing myself? "I won't hate you. That won't happen." 

Karina wasn't listening to me. "Our relationship won't work that way, babe. I always tell you," she wiped the fresh tears streaming down her face, "tell me how you feel because I always tell you how I feel." She shook her head as if another thought had just enlightened her. "I can't believe this. I thought you were okay with me. I feel so blindsided." 

"Babe, no." I had lowered my guard down, voice softer. Slowly, what she was saying was starting to make sense. I realized too late. I already hurt her. "I don't have bad feelings for you." 

"I must have been such a bad wife for you to be scared to talk to me." 

No. This was not how it's supposed to be. 

"No, you're not." 

She shook her head and got up from the bed. "This is not how this relationship is going to work, Winter. If that's how you think then…I don't know." 

Karina made the move for the door and I whimpered, "babe…" almost begging. 

Tears pricked my eyes and I attempted to get up and go after her when she opened the door to leave but she stopped me.

"Don't," she shook her head, not facing me. "I-I need some air." 

Panic set in when Karina didn't return after an hour. My anxiety was getting the best of me and every bad scenario plagued my head.

What if Karina leaves me? My wife, my best friend. What if she has had enough of my stupidity?

I laid in bed, waiting in the dark, shivering. The room felt cold despite the heaviness of the blanket around me. 

The words I said replayed in my head. Why did I even snap in the first place? Why was I so triggered? Have I really developed such ill feelings for my wife that a simple question ticked off something in my head?

No, that shouldn't be. 

I love her. 

Finally, the door creaked open and I felt the other side of the bed dip and Karina's familiar scent immediately enveloped me.

Her back was facing me. 

I contemplated whether I should keep my distance or go closer to her but I decided to go with the latter. I wanted to comfort her so I carefully inched myself closer until her back rested against my front. Nervously, I wrapped my arm around her waist and buried my face in her hair. 

She didn't push me away so I held her tighter. 

"I'm sorry, babe," I mumbled, guilt washing over me. "I'm sorry, I'll be better." 

Karina remained still, quiet.

"I love you, babe," I whispered. 

She hummed in response. A moment passed before she replied, "love you," barely above a whisper.

But I heard it. 

Because even during a fight, we never not say 'I love you.'

But it hurt hearing it this time. 

Because I didn't deserve it.

I was getting by with Karina's silence the first couple of days. It was never complete silence; she never quite gave me the silent treatment. She would respond, albeit one worded but only when needed and mostly when it concerns our Coco. I was used to it. It's how my wife cleared her head.

Those days I was happy when she would tell me to eat or where she was going. 

"I'm walking Coco," she would tell me, eyes averted from mine.

"Okay, be safe," I'd say.

It was a relief when she'd allow me to hold her every night and whisper sweet nothings in her ear – a small gesture I'm afforded despite the tension between us. 

It didn't matter that she was stiff against me. Feeling her warmth was enough to soothe my anxious mind and heart. 

I would always give her the space because I was the same. I'd also ask her to leave me alone for a couple of hours to clear my head. 

But what stings is her aversion; it's when she doesn't meet my eyes. It's when she refuses to look at me like I'm not there.

It's like the sight of me would burn her. 

It makes me feel invisible.

And I always thought that she was cruel for that. It's why I hate fighting with her. 

I hate being invisible around her. 

By the third day, I was beside myself. I had been anticipating for her to break her silence, for the pain to melt away and to finally look at me. 

I miss her.

I miss looking at her face. I miss her smile. 

And it's so hypocritical for me to miss her random tidbits and questions when it's the one thing that got me so triggered, I ended up hurting her. 

So when she didn't so much as glance my way when she passed by me to the kitchen, I was distraught.

How long was she going to do this? 

I was getting nervous, antsy and to be honest, impatient.

I wanted us to be okay. I couldn't stand feeling this way.

It has never been this long.

Have I royally fucked things up this time?

I needed to fix this.

We needed to talk.

When I found her lounging on the couch, I sat beside her. I took the opportunity to lie on her lap and bury my face in her tummy hoping she would reciprocate and run her fingers through my hair like she always does.

But I was met with rejection. 

Karina shook her leg, clearly not wanting me anywhere near her. Her voice was laced with annoyance when she asked, "what are you doing?" 

I wanted to cry right then and there. 

Hurt .

That's all I felt.

This type of rejection felt ten times worse. 

I got up from her lap. "I just wanted to be with you," I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying. 

"Well, don't," my wife said, not taking her eyes off her phone. "Not right now, please. I'm still not okay with you, Winter." 

I sat on the other side of the couch, making sure there's some distance between us. I took a deep breath before facing her.

My chest felt so constricted, it was hard to breathe. I craved so much of her affection.

"Baby, can we-can we talk?" I whimpered, unable to hold back what I was feeling. "Please."  

Karina sighed before putting her phone down. But she still didn't look at me. Instead, she looked straight ahead where our pictures are hung on the wall. 

I swallowed the lump in my throat before starting, "I'm sorry, babe. I know it's hard for me to tell you about how I feel and I'm sorry." 

I bowed my head, embarrassed. "I'll be better. I just-I just need your help." 

"I can't help you if you don't tell me anything," she said, her voice low. 

"I will, babe. Please, don't give up on me," I sounded so defeated. I wanted to hold her, to help calm down my nerves and make this feeling go away. 

"You gave up on me first, babe," she sniffed, wiping her cheeks. 

What? 

"I didn't!" I rose from my seat, defensive. Because how could she say that when I've always been fighting? 

"You did," she choked on a sob. "The moment you decided that you would rather avoid me than talk to me, you gave up on me. You made that decision so easily without even thinking how I would feel." 

"No, babe, I didn't," I pressed on. My hands shook as I tried to reach out to her. "I would never do that. I'm always here, fighting for us!" My throat was starting to hurt. "I think…I think the reason why it's hard for me to tell you things is because I'm scared."

I moved closer to her, this time holding her hand. She let me.  "I'm scared about this," I gestured between the both of us. She still hasn't spared me a glance. "Because of this…whenever we fight, you can't even look at me and I feel so invisible when you do that. So I try not to tell you things so it doesn't escalate to this."  

Karina pulled away from my hold and finally turned to look at me, eyes steely. I don't know how to describe the look in her eyes. Pain? Disappointment? Anger? 

"Excuse me?" She scoffed. "So you're blaming me for not being able to open up to me?" 

"No! I didn't say that!" How did she take that so differently? 

"That is what you implied, babe. How is the way I handle my emotions the reason for that? You yourself want to be left alone when you're upset, why can't I do the same? Why is it okay for you to be quiet when you're mad but not me?" 

"Because you ignore me!" I raised my voice. This is unfair. She was being unfair. She was painting me to be the bad guy again. "Karina, ten years and you still do that." 

"I don't. Winter, I still talk to you. I can't look at you because I don't want to be angry. I don't want to say things I don't mean. So allow me that time for myself." Karina was starting to breathe heavily. I know this. She was getting angry at me and she was trying hard not to yell. "And how can you even hold that against me? You're counting? It's a work in progress. Things don't fix themselves overnight. You know how much I've been working on my anger, babe. You know how I can be with my words. I don't want to hurt you with the shit that comes out of my mouth. Because I know I've done that so many times and I still hate myself for that. So please, don't justify your inability to open up to me by blaming me." 

She got up from the couch, chest heaving. She took a deep breath before whispering, "Ten years? And yet you give up on me so easily." 

And then she walked away. 

And I couldn't even do anything to stop her.

My wife…how could I have possibly made this even worse? 

All I wanted to do was to fix things but I still managed to say the wrong things. What is wrong with me? Why is it so hard for me to get my point across?

Why do I have to hurt her first before realizing what I've done?

This is why…I was never good with words. And I really only have myself to blame. 

Fuck. 

"Winter, are you dumb or are you dumb?" Ning flicked my forehead.

"Ow, Ning, what the hell?" I hissed, rubbing my forehead.

In my desperation, I sought out my best friend for help. I usually don't because I like to keep the business between my wife and I in private. We don't need other people to know about our fights and whatnot. I especially don't want other people to look at Karina differently if I were to vent out my frustrations about her. 

My wife is a great person. I don't want anyone else to have a different perception of her. 

I glared at Ning. 

"You deserve that," she sneered at me. "You really are a dumbass, you know that?" 

I groaned. "I know that. But why?" 

"How could you say those things to Karina? No wonder she isn't talking to you. If it were me, I wouldn't even cook you food!" 

"Good thing you aren't," I mumbled. Because despite my wife and I fighting, we still take care of each other. 

"Give Winter a break, Ning," Giselle said. "She already knows she's dumb. She doesn't need to hear it from you." 

"Gee, thanks," I said sarcastically. And here I thought Giselle would be on my side.

"But Win," Giselle handed me a cup of water. "You never come to us when you guys fight. It's that bad eh? Can't say I blame Karina, though. I would be really hurt too." 

Frustrated, I downed the water and slammed the cup on the table. "I know, okay? I don't know what's wrong with me. I always seem to say the wrong things to her even if it's not what I mean!" 

"I say this as your best friend, Winter, so this is totally unbiased but you were wrong for that!" 

"Again, Ning, I know. I realize that now. No need to keep repeating." 

"Nah, you need to hear it again and again so it sticks in your head." 

I plopped down on their couch, defeated. "I don't know what to do." 

"Have you even tried making it up to her, Win?" Giselle asked. 

Have I? I think I have been. I've been trying to fix this all week long. 

"Well, I do what I usually do. I cook her food, clean the house, and make sure she's comfortable." I don't do anything different. Whenever we fight, I always do things for her so she doesn't have to think about it. 

Ning looked at me as if I grew another head. "Seriously, Winter? That's household chores which you are obligated to do! You haven't even done any romantic gesture to make it up to her?"

"How can I when she won't even look at me!" 

"See, that's where you're wrong. You always think about yourself when she's upset and how her mood is affecting you. You haven't changed at all, you dumbass." Ning flicked my forehead again.

"Ow! Will you stop that?" Annoyed, I moved away from her. "And what do you mean?" 

"I've known you all my life and you do this all the time when I get mad at you," she started. "You let my mood affect you that you end up getting frustrated when I'm upset. Girl, let me feel what I feel!" 

"I don't do that!" I defended myself. 

"Yes, you do," she rolled her eyes at me. "You gotta stop thinking about how it's affecting you and start thinking about Karina's feelings. My gosh, Winter." 

I never really thought of that. Have I really been that selfish? So self absorbed that I fail to even prioritize my wife's feelings when she's hurt?  

"And you've been together for how long?" 

"Ten years…" I sighed. "Married for four." 

"And yet you still can't make it up to your wife properly. I would be tired too," Ning deadpanned. 

"Ning!" Giselle reprimanded her girlfriend. "Don't say that! Karina wouldn't do that." 

"Win," Giselle looked at me with sad eyes. "I'm not saying Karina is not at fault here either. Her not acknowledging you can be upsetting but Ning is right. It's like you're invalidating Karina's feelings. You have to let her be sometimes."

"I do," I buried my face in my hands. "I give her space." 

"But it frustrates you. You want to fix things quickly but you're not doing anything to make it better." 

"But it's been so long!" I whined.

"See, Gi? Selfish. Winter needs to hear how stupid she is." 

"Stop it, Ning." 

"Fine, whatever. But one last thing to knock some sense into you," Ning looked at me pointedly. "Don't wait until Karina gets tired of your bullshit, Winter. You're getting too comfortable in your relationship." 

That stopped me. 

The thought of my wife not caring for me or loving me scared me.

What if this is the last straw? Will she actually get tired of putting up with me? 

All these petty fights that turn into something bigger might really push her to the edge. 

I couldn't help but cry. I let the tears fall freely from my face. Giselle gave me a comforting hug and I just cried on her shoulder. 

"Winter, maybe start by telling Karina how you feel," Giselle caressed my back to calm me down. "Reassure her that you're going to try and be more open." 

I nodded on her shoulder. "I will." 

"I've known you and Karina since high school and from what I know, Karina is not a patient person," she chuckled. That's right, my wife can be the most impatient person. She gets annoyed easily. "But she's so patient with you. That girl loves you like crazy, Win." 

I pulled away from her embrace. At the corner of my eye, I saw Ning come closer to offer me a napkin to wipe my face but not without scowling at me first. 

"What I'm trying to say is, give Karina that chance she gives you all the time. Don't dismiss her feelings. And seriously, you gotta stop bottling your feelings. Karina is right. You're going to end up hating her the more you do that." She pushed me slightly. "You know you're already doing it, you just don't know it. Don't let it get worse, Win."  

I wiped my face, nodding. "I know. I will. I won't let that happen. I love her so much." 

"Come here, you loser," Ning suddenly pulled me in an embrace. "You better fix this or I will seriously punch you in the face, dumbass. Stop hurting your wife. I honestly love her more than I love you even if you're my best friend." 

"Wow, I feel so loved," I laughed through the tears. It's always like this between Ning and I: tough love. "Thank you, Ning. And Gi. I really needed that." 

"Now go!" 

"Wait, I don't know what to do!" I panicked. 

"Oh my gosh, Winter, are you for real?" Ning said frustratedly. It looked like she wanted to pull her hair because she's so annoyed with me. "Karina is a low maintenance wife. Maybe if you go and buy her her favourite bubble tea as a start, it would help." 

That's right. All throughout our relationship, Karina was never demanding. If anything, she's so easy to please that a simple chocolate bar could make a difference in her day. 

My mind started working immediately, nodding my head at Ning's suggestion. "Alright, I can do that. Thanks, bestie!" 

Ning started pushing me out their door. "Now be a good wife and go home to your wife. Give her a massage. Draw her a bath. Anything! Just make sure it ends up with make up sex." She winked at me, laughing maniacally before shutting the door in my face. 

When I got home, I found my wife curled up on the couch with Coco. I smiled at the sight before me. Karina doesn't usually let Coco lie down with her unless Coco has been bathed. 

I was about to approach and sit on the couch with them when I saw Karina stir and started talking to our dog while petting her head. 

"Why did you lie down with Mama, Coco?" She cooed. "You haven't bathed. Did you feel that Mama is sad?" 

Guilt.

Guilt washed over me upon hearing that. I felt as though a cold bucket of water had been poured all over my whole body. I shuddered at my own disappointment 

I wanted nothing more than to hug her and comfort her and take the sadness away. but I stayed where I was not wanting to disturb her moment with Coco. 

"Are you here to make Mama feel better?" At that, our dog buried herself in my wife's arms. "Thank you, baby. Mama is a little sad."

Karina stroked Coco's hair and our dog just whimpered. She was comforting Karina — something I haven't been able to do. 

"I don't think your other mom trusts me very much, baby. It makes Mama sad." 

Hearing that broke my heart. Tears started clouding my eyes and everything that I had said to her started replaying in my head.

I was so wrong, so very wrong to make her feel this way. 

It was getting harder for me to stop myself from crying so I slowly made my way back to the kitchen to let out the ugly sob I've been holding back. I covered my mouth with my hand so Karina wouldn't hear how pathetic I sound with my cries.

I had been so selfish. I had taken my wife for granted. She shouldn't ever have to doubt me.

I can't believe I hurt my wife so much for her to think this way. How could I let it get this far? 

That's not true at all. I trust her with all my heart. 

But I showed her otherwise.

What kind of a wife have I been? 

I stayed in the kitchen for a while to calm myself down. I wiped my tears before going to where my wife was, determined to fix what I started.

She means the world to me and I would show her just that. 

"Hi babe, I'm home," I cleared my throat, trying to sound like I didn't just cry. I gave her the bubble tea before kissing her temple and greeting Coco. 

Karina looked surprised but took the drink anyway. "Thanks." 

"What do you want for dinner? Do you want sushi?" I asked, remembering how she has been craving sushi for a while. I was also hoping she would say yes. It's been a while since we last went out and I really wanted to make it up to her.

So when she said yes, I had to stop myself from jumping from happiness. I grinned at her, glad that I was starting to make progress. 

Finally . 

The rest of the week I tried my best to make it up to her. 

On a particular hard day, I offered to massage her when I noticed that she was squeezing her shoulders and complaining about her back.

She has always had a bad back for unknown reasons. She's gone to multiple doctors, specialists, and physical therapists, and even went to the emergency room because the pain was unbearable. They found nothing. 

So she often gets massages to help ease the pain. Lately, she hasn't been going because she's been busy. 

One time I saw her looking at an instagram post about a new restaurant and asked if she wanted to go. And because the way to Karina's heart is through her belly, she beamed at me — for the first time since our fight! — and excitedly nodded.

Another day, she was in such a good mood that she prepared a feast. She cooked far too much for two people but she said she would pack some for Ning and Giselle.

And like always, I gave her a hug and kissed her forehead and thanked her for cooking. My heart did a mini dance when she was talking animatedly about how she found the recipes on tiktok and wanted to try it.

I missed this side of her so much.

Ning was right. Karina is so easy to please and I was glad that she was slowly letting me in again.

I felt so undeserving of her kindness that later that night, when the lights were off and our heads hit the pillow, I couldn't help but ask her. 

"Baby, can I cuddle you?" It's not like she hasn't allowed me the past nights, I just felt the need to ask. She only hummed in response and laid on her side. "Can you face me?" 

I was hopeful. Everything has been going so well. 

"Why?" She asked, genuinely curious about my request. No hostility or anger in her voice.   

"I just want to hold you closer," I whispered in the darkness. "Please?" 

Slowly, she turned around to face me and I didn't waste any time to pull her close to me. I grabbed her arm, wrapped it around my waist before enveloping her in my embrace. 

I smiled when she nuzzled her face on my neck. 

"I'm sorry, baby," I apologized, once again, kissing her on the top of her head. "I'm sorry I hurt you. I'll be better, babe," I promised. 

"You're already the best for me babe," she said, voice hoarse. I could feel hot tears on my chest and I hugged her closer. "I just want you to be open to me and trust me with your feelings." 

"I know, I will. And I trust you babe. I'm sorry if I made you feel like that. I didn't mean to." 

"Yeah, that really hurt me." 

I pulled away slightly to look at her. Even in the dark, my wife is so beautiful. I cupped her face, thumbs caressing her tear-stained cheeks. "I'm sorry. Are we okay?" 

Karina leaned in my touch and nodded. "We'll always be okay, baby. But right now, I'm not 100% okay with you," she said honestly. "I was really hurt. It's going to take some time." 

"I know." 

"I'm sorry, too." 

"For what?" 

"I know I can be difficult to deal with when I'm upset. I'm working on it," she said. 

"Baby, you're entitled to feel that way. I'm sorry if I always try to rush you to be okay with me." 

"You pout so much when I don't talk to you," she chuckled. "Honestly, it is hard to ignore you when all I want to do is cuddle up to you. But at the same time, you're so cute when you pout. You start looking like Coco."

I pouted at her and she only leaned in to kiss me. "Most of the time, that's what I want to do, though — kiss the pout away." 

God, what did I do in my past life to deserve her? It's like a big load had been lifted off my chest after our talk.

I love her so much.

"I love you, babe," I whispered, pulling her closer. "So much I feel like crying." 

Karina only laughed and it's like music to my ears. "You and your dramatic ass." 

"It's true!"

"I know," there's softness in her voice tonight that I missed hearing. And I'm lucky to be the recipient of such affection. "I feel the same way. I love you a lot." 

And it's crazy that even after ten years, I have never felt anything less.