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1.
Gregor keeps up a blank face as Admiral Hubert and Admiral Megelea argue over fleet repairs, then keeps his composure as they discover that their reports aren't compatible in the slightest and they have wasted his entire morning. Hubert is more apologetic about it than Megelea, but neither of them care much about the Emperor's opinion over the Prime Minister's, and Aral's not here right now.
Finally they leave him in peace and Gregor slips his comm out of his pocket. He flips through until he finds exactly what he's looking for. It's more active than usual; half of Gregor's old classmates are on the other side of the planet and the other half are on the other side of a wormhole, and while ship time is set at Vorbarr Sultana time, that doesn't always align with breaks. He soon sees the reason for the mid-day interest.
Adam Keithan: that's what you get for wanting ship duty lol no sympathy dude
Mark Millien: not even a little bit of sympathy?
Cagley Vorinko: Tiny bit, not more than that.
Mark Millien: but there's no coffee!
Owen Piltz: boo hoo, I just ran winter training for a hundred whining sixteen year olds. You don't compare.
Haywood Szoka: THERE'S NO COFFEE ON THE PRINCE SERG ALERT THE EMPEROR THIS IS A DIRE EMERGENCY
Adam Keithan: Don't lie to people, there's coffee, just not for you. Jump a few ranks and you'll have your coffee.
Gregor smiles.
After the next supply ship docks, Szoka posts a picture of three crates of coffee, with a handwritten note: 'compliments of a classmate'.
Haywood Szoka: Thanks, anonymous benefactor! None of us will ask how you got Supply to remember us. Your secrets are safe.
The good mood lasts Gregor even through a Council meeting.
2.
The nights he can't sleep, Gregor looks in on his classmates from prep school. About a third of them had never gone on to any military academy at all and had spun off their own group, inviting anyone to join who wanted to stay in touch. When Gregor can't think of his life the way it is, he indulges himself in his life the way it never could have been.
Joe Franzett: she just fucking glanced at my paperwork and laughed at it, I ask you, what kind of way of doing business is that
Claude Thiney: she's Komarran, Joe. They expect you to actually put in some effort in your corporate take-overs
Joe Franzett: she told me my penmanship was awful :( :( :(
George Gaittet: Have you considered Vorring up and hiring a secretary?
Joe Franzett: Fuck off.
Frederick Delfino: No, no, he's right.
George Gaittet: Of course I'm right.
Joe Franzett: None of you are being helpful right now.
Danilo Kuznetzov: If you want helpful, petition the Emperor for penmanship classes at the academies.
Joe Franzett: Oh yeah that's going go over so well. Hey, Vorbarra, remember when I avoided you constantly and blushed every time you looked at me? No? Whew, wonderful. It's great to be forgettable.
Claude Thiney: I can promise you that Gregor Vorbarra has forgotten everything he ever knew about us. It's been like ten years already.
Dima Alexandros: Yeah so it'll work perfectly when you show up at one of his petitioners courts and tell him that what the prep schools need are handwriting classes. Go for it, Joe.
Joe Franzett: I am absolutely not going to go for it.
Stanimir Stamkos: You could also ask the Emperor for help on hiring a secretary already. He's got like twelve of them, doesn't he?
Karel Carlson: If Gregor Vorbarra makes his own hiring decisions at that level, I will eat the Emperor's own hat.
Gregor does choose his secretaries, albeit from a pool that's already been winnowed down for him. But that's not the important part here.
He picks out three instructional courses on improving handwriting and has them sent to Joe Franzett, with a note telling him they're for self-study. He also includes resumes of experienced corporate secretaries looking for work in Archimedes.
Joe Franzett: thanks to whichever of you fuckers are backseat driving my career. I'll get right on that.
3.
Miles and Ivan have forgotten he's on this chat. They should stop forgetting he's on this chat, but that's not really Gregor's problem.
In theory, it's a chat of all their extremely-extended cousins who are around their ages. In practice, it's Miles and Ivan snapping at each other and critiquing each other's dating ability, fashion sense, and haircuts. Gregor is pretty sure everyone else has it deleted or on mute for so long, they've forgotten it exists.
Miles: did Gregor get his ear pierced and no one tell me?
Ivan: why should anyone tell you, you're on the other side of the galaxy and have a ten hour lag between messages.
Miles: it's more than ten hours.
Ivan: how did you go to school on two different planets and not learn about relativity?
Miles: that's not how relativity works.
Ivan: how should you know, you spent your entire academic career planning military conquests of Cetaganda.
Miles: I have never tried to conquer Cetaganda.
Ivan: yeah because you love them so much, you tried to fuck their Empress.
Miles: That is slander.
Ivan: That is accuracy.
Miles: they don't even really have Empresses.
Ivan: No, I'm pretty sure they do.
Ivan: You have just chosen to forget everything about their system that doesn't suit your needs.
Ivan: And your needs at that moment were fucking one of their Empresses.
Ivan: I do not understand you, Miles.
Ivan: Can you just never keep it in your pants?
Miles: lol like you ever have.
Ivan: I know better than to fuck a Cetagandan Empress!
Miles: just because you never had the opportunity doesn't mean you never had the urge.
Miles: But don't distract me with Cetagadans. Did Gregor get his ear pierced?
Ivan: How should I know, do I look like I stare at Gregor's ears all the time?
Miles: Yes.
Ivan: SLANDER. I will meet you at dawn.
Miles: Good thing my dad's not on this chat.
Ivan: yeah no shit.
Ivan: although I bet your dad knows if Gregor got his ears pierced.
Miles: I am not gonna text my dad to ask if Gregor got his ears pierced.
Ivan: have you texted your parents at all this month?
Ivan: why do I even bother asking when I know the answer is no.
Ivan: "oh Ivan dear have you heard from Miles recently" = THE ONLY THING YOUR MOTHER EVER SAYS TO ME
Miles: Well, that's just not true.
Ivan: how would you know, you're not here to hear it.
Miles: I get home leave.
Ivan: Sure you do.
Ivan: Is it really home leave when you consider your military posting to be your home?
Ivan: Stop giving me the silent treatment. I'll ask Gregor tonight, are you happy?
Gregor looks up. "Send Ivan in," he tells his armsman.
Ivan endures a 15 minute audience and at no point does he ask Gregor about his jewelry-related life choices or even look at Gregor's ears. He spends most of it looking directly at Gregor's knees.
Gregor pats Ivan on the back as he lets him leave, and then slips two Vorrutyer-insignia earrings into Ivan's coat pocket for Ivan to find later.
4.
This chat is not actually muted. The armsmen have several and Gregor checks the family notices one several times a day. And when he doesn't check it, the armsmen on duty will usually fill him in. It's part of being a good liege lord, Gregor tells himself. You have to keep an eye on morale, and you especially have to keep an eye on cute babies.
Tommaso Andretti: He's having a bad one today.
Gregor doesn't see it until later, too busy dealing with the Being The Emperor, but when he looks later, there's scroll after scroll of babies and grandbabies and cousins and neighbors and even one baby dressed in Vormuir colors, with a note that there was a playdate.
"Thanks," he tells Rogoff. He knows Rogoff will tell everyone else.
5.
The group is called Gregor's Exes, but really it's Henri and the ever-expanding group of women who Gregor has escorted to various events. Most of the time Gregor glances at it, they're talking about what're the best places to take out of town relatives to, who's fucking who at the Imperial Ballet, and why did the best restaurant close the week before Midsummer.
Zara Vorthys: There, there. Do you want me to ask Celeste to never let her in the door again?
Penelope Voraiken: No, it's not worth it.
Penelope Voraiken: I'll ignore her at Vorsmythe's tomorrow and that'll be harsh enough revenge.
Henri Vorvolk: Kyril Island is always open for new recruits.
Penelope Voraiken: I'm not sure who would win in that fight. It might be her.
Ludmilla Vortala: Your taste in women continues to be appalling, Pennie.
Penelope Voraiken: It's a long family tradition.
Louisa Vorhovis: So what's going on with the Night Mares? Heard they're getting a new coach.
Valentina Vorkalloner: They are and she's TERRAN. I clutched my emeralds when I heard. Scandalous.
Francesca Vorthys: What's wrong with Terrans? Other than the, you know. Cultural fit problems.
Valentina Vorkalloner: Are Terrans any good at hockey at all? They keep losing.
Penelope Voraiken: Poutiainen's a good coach, and she's especially a good coach for the situation the Night Mares are in, what with Lillak retiring to go study clams.
Adriana Kanzian: Lobsters.
Penelope Voraiken: Right, lobsters.
Renata Vorbohn: I can't believe hockey sometimes. The best player the Night Mares ever had got her PhD, took a summer trip to who knows where, and came back and said, fuck hockey, I want only wet water now.
Elisa Vorparadijs: Yeah, they're in total chaos right now. I hope this Terran knows what she's getting into.
Alice Vortalon: Why didn't any of you ping me? I was on the hiring committee. She'll be fine. And the cultural fit problems won't be an issue; she's coached at three training camps on Sergyar.
Louisa Vorhovis: Not to belabor any points, but Vorbarr Sultana is not Sergyar.
Francesca Vorthys: Of course not. We have street lights and a nightlife.
Alice Vortalon: Ahem. This is the part of Sergyar where there are twelve Vor per square inch and six on each team. And not to impugn the honor of any Vor, but...
Francesca Vorhalas: Oh. So she'll be fine.
Alice Vortalon: She'll be *spectacular*.
Gregor waves over his social secretary. "Make a note to have me attend the season opener for the Vorbarr Sultana Night Mares." It'll probably be good hockey but even if it's not, it'll be memorable. "I'll take Henri and his family."