Chapter Text
Joel woke to the light footsteps crossing his bedroom floor at 2:17 in the morning. Sarah occasionally still crawled into his bed some nights. At seven years-old, she mostly slept in her room. However, sometimes nightmares about the monsters lurking in the dark corners of her room drew her to his safe arms. He couldn’t make out his daughter’s face in the darkness, yet a pit of uneasiness settled into his bones.
“Daddy, I don’t feel good,” Sarah whined.
Joel swung his legs over the edge of the bed and turned on the lamp. The warm light filled the room, allowing his eyes to observe the current state. Sweat beads across her forehead and vomit staining her purple pajama shirt told him all he needed to know.
A stomach bug .
“Alright baby, we’re gonna get you cleaned up okay.”
“I threw up.”
“I see.” He steered her towards the bathroom.
“I threw up all over the sheets Daddy.” Sarah burst into tears. She clung tightly to her father’s shirt as she buried her face into his stomach.
Joel kneeled down and enveloped her in a hug. “Don’t cry, baby. It’s okay. Don’t cry. I’ll get you and the bed cleaned up. Fresh as new.”
He soothed Sarah until her cries mostly quieted down before running the bath. After checking the water’s temperature, he got her out of her soiled pajamas and placed her in the tub. He threw the clothes in the corner, reminding himself to toss them in the wash later with the presumably dirty bed sheets that he still needed to change.
After cleaning up and getting Sarah dressed again for bed the second time that night, Joel deposited his sleepy child in his bed. He tucked her snuggly into the covers and pressed a kiss to her slightly warm forehead before leaving to change the bedding in her room. Upon entering, he was met with the stench of bile and regurgitated Spaghettios. Joel took a deep breath and began to strip the bed. Factoring in the state of her room and her usual tendencies when she gets sick, Joel knew Sarah was definitely sleeping in his room tonight. He’d call Tommy in the morning to let him know he wouldn’t be making it to the worksite.
Once all offended fabrics were being spun around the washing machine and the bed remade, Joel returned to his room, medicine in hand. Surprisingly, Sarah wasn’t asleep, making the process of giving her liquid Motrin slightly easier. Joel rinsed out the cup and placed the bottle on the bedside table in preparation for the later morning hours along with a trash can in case Sarah threw up again. He then climbed into bed, draping an arm over Sarah as she buried herself into his chest, and waited to hear her soft snores before finally drifting off to sleep.
Beep
Beep
Beep
BEEP
Joel groggily opened his eyes. The blank darkness of the ceiling was threatening to send him back to sleep. Passing headlights briefly illuminated the room. He simply laid there, sinking slowly back into the bed. A few minutes of laying here wouldn’t hurt anybody. Except for the weight he’s suddenly registering that is pressing against his side.
Sarah .
Sarah’s sick.
And now he’s frantically fumbling for the alarm that is still beeping. Sarah is stirring, and she’s only been asleep for two hours maximum because she threw up at two in the morning, and now that he’s thinking about it, his shirt is a bit damp from what is probably her fever sweat, so looking back, maybe he shouldn’t have tucked her in so tightly underneath the comforter, and the beeping still isn’t stopping because he can’t find the correct button.
The alarm ends up being unplugged.
Sarah settles back into a deep sleep.
And Joel lets out a deep sigh. I need to call Tommy.
With that, he carefully extracts himself from the bed and Sarah’s arms. Her soft snores fill the absence left behind by the now silent alarm. Joel leaves the covers at the foot of the bed, in hopes her body will cool down, before going downstairs to dial up his brother on the landline.
Joel enters the kitchen and flips the light switch before punching in Tommy’s number. The phone rang on and on forever until like always, Tommy answered at the last moment before being banished to his full voicemail box.
“I’m not coming to the site today.”
“Well, good morning to you too,” Tommy croaked, the early morning rasp signaling he was fast asleep before Joel called him.
“Sarah’s sick,” said Joel as he leaned against the wall. “She threw up this morning. It’s probably a stomach flu.”
“She doing okay?” Tommy asked. He was no stranger to a sick niece, often serving as a source of care and entertainment for Sarah when he still lived with his brother.
“Lowgrade fever, stomach ache, vomit. Nothing I can’t handle. Just gotta keep her cool and hydrated. Probably get some Pedialyte in her whenever she wakes up.”
“You sure there’s some left? I thought you drank it all after that bout of food poisoning a few weeks ago.”
“Yeah, there should be a bottle left in the pantry.”
“I’ll stop by after I finish up today.” There was a pause, followed by a bit of shuffling, presumably Tommy finally making a move to get ready. “Given the weather forecast, it’ll probably be mid afternoon when I get over there. Have a good chance of getting rained out.”
“Praying I don’t see your sorry as standing at my doorstep until next week at least,” Joel teased.
Tommy chuckled. “Yeah, whatever. I’ll be by later.”
“No funny business while I’m gone. That goes for you and the rest of the crew.”
“You think so little of me.”
“I think an accurate amount.”
“Yeah, yea, I’ll see you later. Go play Nurse Joel.”
“Bye, Tommy,” Joel grumbled.
He hung the phone back on the wall and walked back into the kitchen. Much to his mild irritation, Tommy was right and there was indeed no more Pedialyte in the house. If Sarah kept throwing up, they were going to need more than water to keep her hydrated. Luckily, he remembered the bottle of gatorade in the fridge he never cracked open during yesterday’s work shift. Not as electrolyte heavy as Pedialyte, but it would have to do for now. She’d drink it and take another dose of Motrin later once she woke up.
In the meantime, Joel looked over blueprints for the current project his crew was working on. They had just broken ground at the site. A small shipping center, nothing too special. Concrete, steel, electric, hydraulics, etc. Run of the mill gig other than the slightly higher pay he and Tommy were usually awarded by their clients. Bigger project, bigger pay. Only drawback was the longer working hours and the quicker turnaround. A few days of time off from the project would be offset by the increased wage, but due to the shorter timeframe, Joel was already itching to get back to the site. For now, all he could do was make sure all the measurements and calculations were in order, so they wouldn’t be delayed by some costly mistakes.
Joel was poured over the kitchen tables for a few hours before he heard slow, lumbering footsteps descending down the stairs. Sarah appeared around the corner wrapped in her purple butterfly blanket from head to toe, fuzzy slippers, and pink bonnet half way off her head. Joel’s heart warmed at the sight as he watched her sleepy eyes scan the room before landing on him. He rolled up the blueprint before crossing the kitchen to press a kiss into her still burning forehead.
“How you feeling, babygirl?” Joel asked worriedly, frowning as he pressed his hand to her sweaty brow.
“I still feel sick Daddy,” she whined, not letting go of his waist. “I’m cold, and my tummy still hurts.”
“Do you feel like you need to throw up?”
She shook her head.
“Okay, well then, let’s try some breakfast. You up for some eggs and applesauce?” he asked, grinning as he lifted her onto the kitchen chair. He pulled her bonnet down over her face, erupting a fit of giggles from her mouth.
“Daddy stop it!” she said between her laughs, legs swinging wildly as she attempted to playfully kick her father. Suddenly her face drew in with pain and a small gasp escaped her throat. Joel dropped down immediately searching for the cause of her outburst. Sarah pouted her mouth. “It hurts to laugh.”
Joel shook his head. “I’m sorry babygirl.”
“It’s okay Daddy. You didn’t mean to. Next time you start being funny, I’ll just smile and laugh in my head instead,” Sarah pointedly assured him. Her father let out a soft chuckle. “Can I have my eggs now?”
“One egg castle with a side of applesauce moat coming right up for my favorite egg princess!”
Joel whipped up a batch of scrambled eggs for him and Sarah to share. He fried a few pieces of bacon for himself as she chatted on from the kitchen table, telling him about her dreams during the night. Unicorns and dinosaurs having a large-scale battle over the last remaining butterfly t-shirts in Conway . The Unicorns won of course after the triceratops defected to their side. Joel plated the bacon and eggs before fetching a small container of applesauce from the pantry. There was still some coffee left in the pot from the batch he made earlier that morning, so he simply reheated a mug to finish it off. He placed all the food on the place mats before remembering the unopened Gatorade in the fridge. Leaving Sarah to start digging into her scrambled eggs without him, he returned to the kitchen and poured half of the red drink into her small Rugrats themed thermos. After making his way back to the table, all necessities in hand, he joined Sarah for a relatively quiet breakfast, a stark contrast from the moments before.
Sarah was about halfway done with her plate when she started picking at the remainder of her food. At some point, the applesauce ended up being poured onto the egg plate, forming a mushy mixture of protein and fruit. She pressed the back of her spoon into the eggs before laying a dollop of applesauce on top of them and swirling them around. She repeated the action a few times before moving on to using the tip of the utensil to draw pictures on the plate. Joel watched on worriedly, having already finished his breakfast and half of his second cup of coffee.
“Are you finished with your breakfast babygirl?”
Sarah nodded and pushed her plate away. She climbed down the chair and crawled into her father’s lap, laying her head on his chest. He nuzzled his chin into her hair as he draped his arm around her. They sat there, taking comfort in each other. The sharp chirping of the morning birds carried through the air. On the wall, the clock hands read 8:34. Slamming house doors and humming car engines signaled the start of their neighbors’ morning departures. Dew still fresh on the lawn, not yet evaporated by the rising sun. The roars of a plane flying thousands of feet overhead. And inside the yellow house towards the end of the cul-de-sac, amongst the worldly noise, was a father and daughter holding on to each other, ignorant to the outside world, basking in their self-created silence.
After a while, Sarah shifted in Joel’s lap and encircled her arms around his neck. Getting the message, he slipped his own arm underneath her knees before lifting her out of the chair, still holding her close to his chest but moving her closer to his side. Sarah rested her head in the crook of his neck as he stood. She watched her father gather their plates and scrape off the uneaten food in the trash can before moving to place everything in the sink where they’d be unceremoniously abandoned until later.
Joel carried Sarah into the living room and gently deposited her on the couch. He left her alone for a moment as he went upstairs to retrieve her medicine and thermometer. He sighed when he entered his room to find half the covers on the floor. A problem for later . Both items were on the bed table where he left them a few hours before. After grabbing them off the table, Joel started to make his way back downstairs before backtracking to Sarah’s room. Much like his comforter, her white teddy bear laid forlornly on the hardwood. More or less his fault than hers since he was the one throwing soiled sheets around last night with complete disregard for any of his daughter’s stuffed animals friends, including Bearinda. Figuring she’d ask for the bear later, he added it to the growing collection in his arms and finally descended down the stairs.
Sarah was curled up on the couch when he re-entered the room. Blanket still wrapped around her body and pillow underneath her head. Her face lit up when she saw her father with her bear in arm, before frowning at the medicine in his hands.
“Gotta get the fever down baby,” said Joel, kneeling down in front of her as he placed the bear in her one outstretched hand. “Open up.”
She petulantly stuck her tongue at him before opening her mouth. Joel slid the thermometer inside and started measuring out the Motrin dose. He made faces at Sarah as they waited for the instrument to beep, drawing a closed smile from her. Crossing his eyes, frowning, raising his eyebrows, puffing out his cheeks: all of the above. After a few seconds, the thermometer finally beeped.
“101.2°.”
Sarah let the thermometer fall out of her mouth and onto the sofa, giggling softly as Joel gave her a pointed look. The giggles stopped once he held the tiny cup of liquid Motrin in front of her to drink. The whine died in her throat at the sight of a raised eyebrow. She quickly swallowed the dose, grimacing as Joel pulled the cup away and placed it on the coffee table, a smug grin on his face.
“Oh boohoo, the taste will go away in a few minutes.” He grabbed the remote and sat down on the couch, shifting Sarah so that she could lay her head across his lap instead of the throw pillow.
“It tastes awful Daddy! Why can’t they just make it taste like real berries?”
“I’ll help you write a letter to the medicine boss so you can let them know their flavoring is horribly inaccurate,” he chuckled, pressing a kiss to forehead as he reached for the tv remote. “We can do it now if you want.. or we can watch Babe .”
“Pig movie! Pig movie!”
“I don’t know. That letter sounds very urgent-”
“Pig movie or I’m gonna find Babe in real life and tell him that you his cousins for breakfast.”
Joel laughed. “And what are you gonna do when I tell him you like to eat his cousins for breakfast too and would eat them for lunch and dinner if you could?”
“No Daddy, don't tell him!” she pleaded.
Joel got up from the couch and made his way to the door, acting like he was going outside right then and there to find Babe the pig and tell him of Sarah’s love of bacon. His hand barely brushed the door knob before a throw pillow collided with his shoulder. He turned only to see a fleeting head of hair disappear underneath a blanket. Grinning, he creeped towards the purple lump on the sofa, pillow in hand. He loomed over her for a few seconds before lightly whacking where he assumed her head to be. Arms shot out and cries of glee pierced the air as he playfully attacked her.
After tiring of the one-sided pillow war being waged, Joel turned on the tv and put the VHS tape in the old, dented VCR player on the tv stand. A few seconds of static was eventually cut off by the movie’s opening credits. Sarah, since recovered from being softly assaulted by a throw pillow, lifted her head to let her father sit back down on the sofa and reassume their original positioning before a series of slightly unfortunate events. After a little more shifting and readjusting, the two finally settled in to peacefully watch the movie.
Sarah fell asleep about halfway through the movie. Her soft snores lulled Joel into an in-and-out slumber as he fought against reaching the same fate. His efforts proved to be unsuccessful as he woke around twelve o’clock in the afternoon to the soft pitter patter of a light rain against the living room window. Content to keep Sarah asleep, Joel craftily slipped a pillow under her head to substitute as his lap. He needed to finish looking over the blueprints and clean up from earlier. Considering the dark gray state of the sky outside, it was gonna storm like Tommy was saying, so he’d probably be over in the next few hours. In the meantime Joel washed the remnants of breakfast and made up his and Sarah’s beds after fetching the now clean sheets from the dryer.
Joel had been working for a few hours at the kitchen table when he heard the telltale signs of Tommy coming into the house. He could hear the hum of the truck engine over the pouring rain and howling wind. The trees had a slight bend as they resisted collapsing over. Headlights pierced through the darkness, the sky even greyer than it was before and visibility shot due to the intense amount of precipitation. The soft light provided a brief additional illumination of the room through the window. Depending on how long this went on, the crew wouldn’t be able to start back until Wednesday. Soil would be too wet. The door creaked open behind him, followed by the wet squelches of muddy work boots. An exasperated sigh escaped from around the corner as the thumps of shoes being dropped to the floor bounced off the walls. Heavy steps scurried up the landing as Joel turned around.
Tommy stood, wet curls plastered to his forehead, clothes dripping on the floor, puddle forming at his feet, plastic Walmart grocery bag in hand.
“I brought Pedialyte.”
“Thanks,” Joel stared at him for a moment before he sighed and stood up to take the bag from him. “Stop tracking water all over my damn house.”
“I’ve walked, like what five steps at most?” he huffed.
“Why don’t you have your coat, or better yet, why don’t you have that ratty umbrella that girl gave you?” Joel asked as he rummaged underneath the counter to find something to give his brother to dry off with. “You were the one talking about the rain earlier. I’m not spoon feeding your ass chicken stock when you get pneumonia.”
“For your information, my umbrella is not ratty,” Tommy explained. He caught the towel Joel found and attempted to dry off. He draped it over his head and rubbed furiously at his soaked hair. “One little hole at the bottom does not make it ‘ratty’. Barely makes a difference. Besides, I accidentally left them here last time it rained.”
“Twenty-three years old and you still can’t keep up with your things?”
“Yeah, whatever, I knew where they were the whole time.” Tommy shot back, disappearing around the corner and up the stairs to the guest bedroom that was unofficially his. According to him, considering he used to live there, it still is.
“Throw your clothes in the laundry when you come back down here!”
Joel sighed. Tommy could just be Tommy sometimes. A few years behind a dastardly stint in the military and his regular behavior of being all over the place irritated Joel on the best of days. Despite everything, he worried and wished his brother would move back in with him. Iraq still had its claws in him. It would, most likely, for the rest of his life. Even though Tommy’s apartment was exactly seven minutes and fifty three seconds away and they worked together everyday, he couldn’t shake the feeling of not being there for him if he experienced an episode. But, his brother asked for space, and he gave it to him, despite his own wishes.
The Pedialyte bottle peeked out over the collapsing plastic bag he set on the counter. Joel popped the cap off to pour it in Sarah’s thermos. He heard her rustling on the sofa a few minutes ago when Tommy first came in, but she had stilled since then. He’d wake her up in about thirty minutes, so she could get some more fluids in her. Placing the rest of the bottle in the fridge for later, he figured he could make a late lunch for everyone to eat. Grilled cheese and chicken noodle soup for Sarah, not yet trusting her stomach to handle the sandwich.
Cheese, bread, butter, and Campbells can on the counter, Joel cut on the stove. It stuttered for a few seconds before catching alight. He was reaching for the pans underneath the cabinet when he heard Tommy rushing back downstairs. The footsteps temporarily faded, as he presumably checked on his niece sleeping on the sofa before returning to the kitchen. Screeches from the table chair being dragged across the floor alerted him of his brother’s presence.
“You eat already,” asked Joel, throwing a sliver of butter into the pan.
Tommy leaned back in the chair, freshly dressed in a pair of warm, dry sweatpants, socks, and a t-shirt. “Nah, I was coming here anyway, so I figured I’d just raid your pantry instead.”
“Hmph, and what if I didn’t have any food?”
“I’d raid your chip stash you keep in the back of your closet upstairs,” he said matter of factly, ignoring his brother’s glare. “Considering you didn’t have any Pedialyte, I did consider it a possibility.”
“Considering you’re just sitting around wasting my air, I did consider sending your hungry ass back outside in the rain a possibility.” Joel muttered, throwing the assembled sandwich into the pan. “Make yourself useful and put Sarah’s soup on the burner, and I’ll consider making you a grilled cheese.”
“For the record, I’m making the soup because I love my favorite niece so very much,” he said, jumping up from the chair. Joel slid the can over for him to open once he finished rummaging around the drawer looking for the opener. “Not because I want a grilled cheese.”
“She’s your only niece last time I checked.”
“You already had the fuc-”
“Tommy.”
“Fricking extra slices of bread out anyway. For Christ's sake Joel, she’s still asleep.”
“Knowing her, she’d wake up just in time to hear you say it,” he said, shaking his head.
“Not like she hasn’t heard you scream it at the top of your lungs before.” Top popped off, he poured the soup into the pot. “Remember when you dropped that toolbox on your toes. The whole neighborhood heard that one.”
“Shut up and co-.”
A heavy wail echoed off the walls.
Joel’s heart shattered. Sarah.
He bolted out of the kitchen, Tommy close at his heels, food quickly forgotten. A few seconds separating lunch and the nightmare scene in front of them. Sarah was sprawled on her side in a sobbing heap on the floor, blanket half-abandoned. Her red-rimmed eyes were glazed over with fever. Arms cradling her stomach, she howled in pain as her father and uncle dropped to their knees.
“Baby, baby what’s wrong,” Joel asked frantically. He reached out his arms, attempting to cradle her to his chest. “Babygirl, what’s wrong? What hurts?”
As his hands lifted her from the floor, Sarah let out a blood-curdling scream. Joel snapped back as if he’d been burned.
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to baby girl. I'm so sorry,” apologies falling on deaf ears as her cries drowned out his voice.
“Sarah, honey, can you tell us what hurts? Is it your stomach?” Tommy asked loudly. His voice was steady only showing a hint of fear and unease as he tried to provide a calm foundation, a welcome by-product of his time in the military. Sarah gave him a minute nod. “Where does it hurt? Does it hurt here?” He motioned towards his lower stomach? Another nod. He shot up. “We need to take her to a hospital now!”
“Tommy, what’s wrong with her?”
“I think it’s her appendix. Appendicitis. One of the guys in my unit, Rogers, had it. Started with a fever and pain. Thought he ate a bad batch of rations until he started screaming his head off in the middle of the night. She’s showing the same symptoms he did.”
Joel glanced out the window. It looked like a monsoon outside. The roads would be slick, maybe flooded. Visibility had only further deteriorated, as he could barely see the end of the driveway through the downpour. However, they couldn’t afford to wait out the storm.
“Get the truck ready.” Tommy nodded before running back into the kitchen to get his keys. “Alright baby girl, I have to pick you up okay? It’s gonna hurt real bad, and I’m sorry, but we have to get you in the truck okay? Do you understand?”
“Okay, Daddy,” Sarah said.
“Here,” Joel grabbed Bearinda, who was still on the couch, “hold on tight to her for me, okay. Squeeze her when it hurts too bad.” He shot a mental apology to the bear for giving her up to be used as a stress ball. Sorry.
After half draping the rest of the blanket over her, Joel put his arms underneath her and lifted Sarah off the floor. A large cry escaped from her mouth as more tears streamed down her face. Poor Bearinda was trapped in an iron-clad grip. More apologies poured out Joel’s mouth as he carried Sarah through the kitchen. Thankfully, Tommy already turned the stove off. He slipped on the sneakers he kept by the door and draped his raincoat over Sarah before grabbing the house keys and going outside.
Tommy jumped out the driver's seat to open the back as he saw the two approaching. Joel maneuvered their way inside, laying Sarah across the back seat before getting in himself. He strapped the seatbelt over the upper half of her torso and placed her head in his lap before giving his brother a nod. Tommy backed up slowly, ensuring he didn’t hit any debris that could be in the path because of the storm before pulling off.
Crashing rain droplets against the car body and the swooshing of the pair of windshield wipers went largely ignored in the background as the family raced to the hospital. Although the roads were relatively clear of other vehicles, the conditions were still perilous. While they wanted to get Sarah to the hospital as fast as they could, Tommy could only push the truck so much without hydroplaning or running into an unforeseen obstacle due to the lack of visibility.
Joel stroked Sarah’s hair, trying to keep her calm as they battled their way to the children’s hospital. Her sobs had quieted mostly due to being drowned out by the rain. An occasional, louder whimper emerged every so often, motivating Tommy to press on the gas harder for a few minutes before gradually returning to slightly safer driving for the weather.
The bright white hospital sign was a lighthouse beacon in a hurricane. Joel let out a sigh of relief as Tommy turned into the lot. He skidded to a stop in the emergency lane before jumping out to help his brother get his niece inside, not bothering to shut off the engine. Joel muttered a quick apology again before gathering Sarah back into his arms. Her sobbing continued as they entered the ER. Tommy ran ahead, alerting a nurse to their situation. She and a few others raced to prepare a stretcher. Joel laid her down gently, hand gripping hers.
“Daddy, I’m scared.”
“You’re gonna be okay baby girl, You’re gonna be fine.” He held her hand to his chest as the nurses wheeled her down the hall, flurrying around her as they received the information Tommy was telling them as he trailed behind. “The doctor is gonna fix you right up.”
The medical staff wheeled her into a small hospital room. The walls were covered in paintings of circus animals and balloons. Joel and Tommy stood by Sarah’s side as a nurse began hooking her up to a few machines. After a few minutes, a doctor came in. She examined the chart the nurse had started before introducing herself as Dr. Matthews. After doing her own rudimentary examination, she explained she and her team would be running a series of tests and taking Sarah for a CAT scan to examine her appendix before most likely taking her into surgery. Current signs showed it hadn’t ruptured, but removing it was still an urgent matter.
After getting her dressed in a hospital gown, Joel accompanied Sarah to the CAT scan while Tommy left to move the car from the emergency lane and park it in the lot. He wanted to avoid getting towed for blocking the entrance if he could. The nurse led the way to the lab as Joel wheeled Sarah down the hall. Her blanket was draped over her shoulders, as the nurse said that she could hold onto it until the tests began. The whole process lasted about forty minutes. Dr. Matthews examined the scans taken and showed Joel the state of his daughter’s appendix.
“As we suspected,” Dr. Matthews explained, pointing towards the small, white mass on the scan, “Sarah’s appendix is largely inflamed. However, it’s much closer to rupturing than we thought, so she needs to be prepped for surgery immediately to avoid any further complications.”
“How long is the surgery? Will she be okay? How high is the risk of any more complications?” asked Joel. Sarah’s wide brown eyes looked up to him, searching for answers, fear shining through. He stroked her hand with his thumb in reassurance, hoping to settle both her and himself.
“The procedure will take no longer than an hour. As long as her appendix doesn’t rupture, additional complications will be avoided. It is a relatively simple procedure. She should recover in a few weeks. Rest assured Mr. Miller, we will ensure the safety and health of your daughter while she is in our care. However, it is imperative we get her into the OR now.”
Joel’s life suddenly descended into a frenzy. Papers were shoved into his face to sign as nurses flurried about the room while prepping Sarah for surgery. He handed the hastily written forms off to one of the attendants before turning his full attention back to his daughter. She reached out and latched tightly to his arm, tears still flowing freely. Joel whispered hushed reassurances and soothings in her ear. One of the nurses adjusted the scrub cap over her curls as another ran an IV through her wrist. A cacophony of increasing medical monitors fell on deaf ears as Sarah and Joel remained in their separate world.
At some point, Tommy quietly joined them in the hospital room, placing himself on the other side of Sarah, stuffed bear in hand. A sluggish reach was met with his soft chuckle as he promised she could hold Bearinda after her surgery. After a few minutes, Sarah’s eyes began to drop as the morphine in the IV line took effect. Her grip loosened on her father’s hand little by little before going completely slack.
“It’s time Mr. Miller.”
Joel cast a lasting look on his daughter’s sleeping form as he stood up. A final forehead kiss was all that he was awarded before the medical team wheeled Sarah out of the room, leaving the brothers alone with one of the nurses. His eyes remained on the doorway leading to the hall where Sarah was transported.
She’ll be okay.
She has to be okay.
But what if she’s not?
What if I was too late? I should’ve paid more attention.
What if Tommy didn’t come over when he did?
What if they were already out of time?
What if-
A gentle tugging of his arm briefly freed him from his thoughts. Tommy . Tommy was in front of him, pulling him away from the room. His lips were moving, but there was no noise, just ringing. He couldn’t breathe. Why can’t I breathe ? The space was larger now, the lights were brighter. Someone was pushing him down in a chair. My chest. My baby. My baby girl. She’s, she’s-
“Joel.”
Tommy . Tommy’s here.
“Joel, I need you to match my breathing.” Tommy’s face filled his vision. “Can you do that for me, big brother? Like this okay.”
Joel nodded.
“1-2-3 in and out, in and out.” he held his brother’s hands firmly. “Look at me Joel. Look at me! In and out, in and out.”
His sharp breaths were a harsh contrast against Tommy’s deep, grounding inhales. Gradually, Joel’s breathing slowed to match Tommy’s.
“I failed her.”
“Joel-”
“I should’ve noticed something was wrong?” he stammered out, tears falling freely. “That something was different.”
Tommy moved into the chair beside him, cradling his brother’s face in his hands. “Joel’s there’s nothing you could’ve done. Sometimes these things just happen.”
“But-”
Tommy shushed him. “No buts Joel. There’s nothing we can do about it now except wait for her to come out of surgery.”
“I can’t lose her, Tommy. I just, I just can’t.”
“And you won’t.” A hard determination on his face, he drew Joel into his arms. “You heard the doctor, they caught it in time. She’ll be up and about demanding post-game ice cream before you know it.”
“You can’t promise that,” Joel said weakly. Tommy simply squeezed him tighter.
The two sat in silence for a little more than an hour when the doctor re-emerged from the OR. Joel shot up immediately, Tommy on his heels. Dr. Matthews’ face broke out into a smile and Joel let out a breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.
“Mr. Miller, your daughter’s surgery was successful and experienced no complications. We were able to remove her appendix in time. She has been moved to a recovery room which I can lead you to.”
Joel nodded, quickly wiping a tear from his eye.
Dr. Matthews led them down a different hallway to get to Sarah’s recovery room. She stopped to let them inside before giving her goodbyes, so she may check on her other patients. Joel rushed to Sarah’s bedside. She was still out from the anesthesia she had been given earlier, but she looked more like her normal self. The color had returned to her cheeks and her face wasn’t drawn up in pain. Joel took her small hand and enveloped it in his as he took her in. Tommy sat opposite them, softly stroking her hair. He lifted her arm and slipped Bearinda underneath.
A nurse bustled about the room, checking Sarah’s vitals as her family kept watch over her. After a few minutes, she started making small movements as her body fought to wake up. A few finger twitches here and there evolved into a moment of her unconsciously squeezing Bearinda closer to her chest, electing a chuckle out of Tommy. Eventually her eyes fluttered open, groggily taking in her surroundings. She quickly found her father’s eyes looking back at her, unshed tears threatening to fall.
“Hey baby girl,” Joel said softly, his voice hitching. “How ya feeling?”
She gave him a loopy smile, still under the influence of the anesthesia. “I feel fuzzy Daddy.”
“I bet you do sweetheart. Do you know where you are?”
She nodded. “I’m on my cloud castle and everybody’s floating away. We have to swim through the sky so we don’t get lost.”
“Mhm,” he said amusedly. Tommy shot him a look, trying to hold in his laughter. Joel smiled as he cradled her face with his hand. “Well, I don’t know about this cloud castle, but how about a cloud hospital.”
“Joel, that wasn’t even remotely funny,” Sarah turned to Tommy. “I think we're still floating on the cloud castle. High above everyone else. Ain’t that right sugar lump.”
“Seeeee, I told you Daddy.”
Joel let out a heavy sigh. “Well I apologize for insinuating otherwise Miss Cloud Princess. I should have known better than to argue with you.”
“Why are we on this cloud castle, your majesty?” asked Tommy, his face in a wide grin.
Sarah paused, eyes fluttering back closed.
He flopped back into his chair. “I guess we’ll never know," he bemoaned dramatically.
“Either that, or she keeps going whenever she wakes back up,” Joel added, rolling his eyes at his brother.
Tommy laughed, before sombering up. “She’s okay, Joel,” he said seriously, holding his brother’s gaze. “She’s okay.”
“I know,” He let out a deep breath and turned back to Sarah. “She’s okay.”
“That’s gonna be a gnarly scar when she heals up," his brow furrowed in thought. "She can match that little French girl in that book she likes.”
Joel laughed, shaking his head. “Madeline? I don’t know. She might be more excited about matching with you.”
“Those are two different scars, Joel.”
“Yeah, but to Sarah, y’all are basically twins now.”
They kept going back and forth, providing white noise as Sarah slipped in and out of consciousness. She frequently added to the banter in the periods she was awake, killing the time in between the hospital and home. After a few days, she was discharged. Tommy pulled the truck around as Joel wheeled her out, Bearinda in her lap, in the hospital-issued wheelchair. Only a few theatrics occurring once they arrived home when Sarah refused to stay upstairs in her room despite Joel's protests. He and Tommy traded off days to stay with her during the first week of her recovery before she went back to school. She took it slow for a while. No soccer, light play at recess. After a few weeks she had her first post-op appointment to ensure everything was healing well. Stitches were taken out and activity guidelines were revised. Gradually, weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. Overtime, Sarah’s scar healed and faded and the Miller family moved on with their lives.
Sarah, unlike the other Millers, would eventually receive another stomach wound. Once again, it started after midnight, held in her father’s arms, liquid staining her purple shirt.
It never scarred.