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The moon hangs low over the road. James is getting tired. It's his third week on the road and he hadn't had the chance to get back to his loving wife. In times like these his only companions were the late night phone calls with Lily, his colleagues over the radio and strangers at truck stops. Drinking became all the more enticing then. James was never one for loneliness. He was used to being the center of attention, the person people called for help and attention. But things had slowed down over the past couple of years. Years, or were they decades?
James pulls over at the next truckstop. He takes out his duffle bag, and locks the truck. There aren't many other cars around. Just the truck of a different company, which James was very sure they were competing with, and two personal cars.
James ruffles up his hair, sighs and takes in the too damp night air. Summer could be cruel that way. Only heat and high humidity. In times like these driving could be a salvation. Even if the sun beats down harshly on the metal casing of his truck, opening the windows provides you with your own personal wind.
When James comes closer to the Inn, he sees a person smoking outside.
Long, dark hair fans around their face, in enticing curls, tall, and slim in a way that speaks of missed meals, or maybe a drug habit.
The person turns around, sucking in the residual smoke from his last drag. Yes, definitely a man. A boy? He couldn't be a day over 21, if James had to guess. Sharp cheekbones and dark lips. His glittering eyes cast in twilight from his full brows, and he cocks one of them, just when he blows out the smoke. A smirk plays on his lips, as if he knows exactly what his looks are doing to James' insides. Like he is aware that he is the walking embodiment of James' most secret desires. The fantasies he rarely let himself think out. That only comes to him unasked, in dreams, or when climaxing with Lily takes too long. He is sin in human form.
James swallows. He realizes that he had stopped in his tracks.
To escape the moment, James hurries inside the Inn. Things feel more normal here. Grounded. The air tastes like cigarettes and frying oil, both older than James' parents. The light is yellow, turnt more so by the yellow wallpaper and light brown wood paneling. The room is empty, not even the bar is occupied.
James closes the door behind him and sits down at the bar. Takes off his glasses, in an attempt to straighten his head. It's too late now to get his son on the phone. It's a school night after all. But maybe Lily would still be awake.
The bartender exits the kitchen and greets James roughly.
"What can I get you, pal?"
"A room, bangers and mash; and the loo!"
"A pint?"
"You read my mind. Where's your phone?"
"On the way to the loos," the barman replies and shows James the way.
James cracks his spine after getting up, a painful reminder of his age and sedentary lifestyle. How smooth his joints have been when he was younger.
The toilets are dirty, and the lights are humming loudly with electricity. James hurries up, and gladly washes his hands. He would definitely need a shower later. His clothes stink with old sweat and cigarette smoke, even in the bathroom.
Then he pays for a phone call. It takes a few minutes for Lily to pick up. Enough for the barman, Sean, to bring over his pint.
"Evans," Lily answers. His parents have not been delighted when they had learnt that Lily would keep her name even after the wedding. But, to be fair, Lily's parents hadn't been very happy about that either.
"Hey, love," James' head turns around when the door goes again. The young sex god walks in. He carries himself with an elegance James isn't sure he had ever seen in a man before. Though it was definitely masculine, in a very enticing way. His jeans hang around his hips. On any other person James would suggest a belt to prevent that. But on this man, who is now taking the barstool James had sat down earlier, it looks like lingerie.
"James?"
"What? Sorry, I was distracted. What were you saying?"
Lily sighs. "Where are you at?"
"Bumfuck nowhere, to be honest. But I'm getting close to Edinburgh. How are you doing?"
"Fine. Was just getting ready to go to bed. Tunes called earlier and I really wish we had alcohol in the house, if I'm honest."
James chuckles.
"Didn't we get this cider for Da's birthday a few months ago?"
Lily considers this.
"Can you pick up some more of that when you're up there?"
"Sure. I'm having a pint now anyway. Could join me on a drink."
Lily puts down the receiver, and James waits a few minutes for her to return. He uses that time in the best possible way. By drinking in the sex god. Since when did men have such long and dark lashes? Right now they are casting his dark eyes in shadows. He is drinking ale, his eyes glued into a book that has seen better days. Every once in a while he'll grab around the counter to the bowl of pretzels and pop one into his mouth. Between these dark red lips. James should read up on his colors. Red really wasn't cutting it description wise. Red sounds boring, and banal if applied to these lips.
All of the sudden the man looks up, directly into James' eyes, and James' jeans start to feel tight. Enough so that James misses most of what Lily is saying.
There is this smirk again. A wink. And the eyes find their way back on the pages of his book.
"Jamie, where is your mind tonight?"
"I'm here, love."
"Cheers then!"
Both drink.
They chat a little more, about Petunia, about Harrys school, and the new shoes he'll be needing soon. James promises to put more money on the household account as soon as he gets to the city.
They hang up when James' food arrives.
Lily's sleepy voice only made James' predicament worse, and he uses the way back to the bar to adjust himself.
He sits down a few stools away from the stranger, and tucks in. It's too salty, and the sausages taste at least as old as the rest of the establishment. James turns to look at the mute telly on the wall. Some football game is playing, a rerun that James is sure he had seen before, in a comforting way.
"I'm Sirius," a voice comes from his right.
James startles and jerks around. The sexy stranger - Sirius, apparently - had put his book down, and is now looking at James. If his lips had been hard to describe in colour, his eyes are an entirely new level. They should be blue, or black. But even in this bad light James can see the bright lines in them. Several degrees of black, of blue, of grey, mixing together. Like damascus steel, or the ocean during a storm. Cutting James open, while inviting him to drown in them.
"I'm-" James starts and realizes how dry his throat is. He clears his throat, and takes a swig of his beer. "I'm James, how are you?"
"As good as you can be out here, I guess. Now, I have an important question for you: is Jones going to stay on this team or are they finally going to chuck him out after the amount of reds he had gotten this season?"
Sirius fixes James with his eyes, like a biologist does beetles, like the romans did Jesus. A predator his prey. James finds himself wishing to be gutted and devoured by the man before him.
"I'm predicting.. Jones will stay on the team, but only because Smith got involved in a dirty sex scandal and that they can't have two scandals in a season."
Sirius chuckles. A delightingly hoarse sound. "I always thought he just bribed the coaches."
"Not sure he makes that kind of money," James replies thoughtfully.
"So, James," his name sounds good from Sirius' mouth. Like it's important. "What are you doing out here?"
James rubs the back of his neck, suddenly embarrassed about his job. He wants to impress Sirius. More so than he wants to impress people in general.
"I'm traveling for work," it sounds like a lie. Even though it's technically true. Sirius eyes James slowly, slices him up and lays him out flat. James wonders what Sirius sees. Then his alluring mouth stretches into a smile.
"What a coincidence! So am I," Sirius concludes. James takes the pause Sirius had taken to look James over as an invitation to do the same. He has broad shoulders that make him appear more muscular than his otherwise skinny frame, accentuated by the block colored button down. Red and yellow. It may be white, but who is to say in this light? His waist is slim. A swimmer's body. His hands are smeared with motor oil. It had gotten under his fingernails. It looks nearly like a manicure. The knuckles are red. Boxing marks on a pianists hands. No wedding band, a fact that fills James' stomach with a curious fluttering.
His jaw is defined, with dark stubble shadowing it, cheeks sallow. Deep shadows lie under his mysterious eyes. There is a mole, a beauty mark, really, in the inner corner of his eye. Makes it look like he is wearing eyeliner. Upon deeper inspection, his hair looks greasy, and could use a comb. Sirius squirms in his seat, and something new is in his expression now.
James grins and ruffles up his hair. "Colleagues then!"
Sirius laughs, as if James had just made a funny joke. His eyes are closed, his head thrown back, his Adam's apple moves. It's short lived, but satisfies James nonetheless.
"I suppose we are."
The door to the Inn opens again. Someone new arrives. Sirius immediately greets him by name. The way the other man eyes James makes his hackles rise. James could do with a fight, but he had promised Lily not to do that anymore. Not without good cause. If not for himself, or for her, then at least for Harry.
So James bids them a good night and goes upstairs to the room he had rented for the night.
The door creaks as he opens it, its hinges unhappy about the change, rusty perhaps, and a streetlight shines directly through the window. At least the air in this room is less stale.
James takes a shower, first thing after opening the windows. The water is lukewarm at best, and the water pressure is basically nonexistent. James enjoys the trickle either way. The bar soap smells like pine, leaving James feeling cleaner than he had in days. The last place he had stayed at, had a soap that left his skin dry and made him break out again.
When James comes out of the bathroom, he can hear the distinct noises of sexual activity in one of the other rooms. James elects to ignore it.
Closing the windows would help with that. But then, it's too warm to really do that. Instead, James lies in bed, and only grows more awake by the second. Most of what he can hear is male grunts, and the bed that is slamming into the wall. It really shouldn't get him hard again. Whatever Sirius had done to make him hard didn't mean anything. Thinking of men has always only been a last resort kind of thing with Lily. Or the other girls he had shagged. It's not like he does that often. And Sirius had something weirdly feminine about him. Not because of the hair, or the lips, or the lashes. Everything about him was very male. But then again, there was something that didn't fit the mold. Something that had James interested, that got to him like sexy girls had.
While still in thought about Sirius and his very weird magnetism, James puts his hand into his briefs. He is hard already, his dick hot in his hand, and desperate for release.
James starts to fondle his balls. He always loves it when Lily does it, before taking him in her mouth. Her soft fingers are often a bit cool to the touch but that just excites James more. It's so very different than his own calloused and ever warm hands. He licks his hand and thinks of her tongue when he strokes his middle finger up the underside of his dick, along the vein there. He thinks of her pretty, rosey lips, hot and wet, and with freckles on them, when he makes a ring with his hand and pushes back down. The sudden image of Sirius' darker lips replaces his image of Lily, and James lets out a groan. He stops for a second, trying to get his mind back to the task at hand, to his wife, the woman he loves. But her image gets messed up by the needy moans that soon join the masculine grunting through the walls. And while they aren't as deep, they still sound male. James' hand speeds up, pushes this pleasurable pressure closer to the surface. And James' mind is filled with Sirius. Burying his hand in his long hair, bending him over at his slim waist, over the sticky surface of the counter they sat at earlier, making him moan and scream with every thrust, thinking of the hot wetness he knows of girls, how Sirius said his name earlier, how his skin would taste, the form of his tight little ass in James' hands and - James comes with a shout, sweat and jizz mingling on his belly, and he falls asleep shortly after.
James gets up early the next day. Hoping to see Sirius again, and hoping just as desperately not to. He isn't sure he'll be able to look the other man in the face after last night.
He gets a quick coffee and sandwich for breakfast, and then lingers longer than he wants to, his mind frenzy and unfocused.
When he finally makes up his mind, James all but runs to his truck. His fingers tremble when he starts the engine, and he kills the motor three times before he manages to start.
One last look into his rearview mirror, shows him Sirius - leaning out of a window, his hair limp around his face, smoking. James steps on the gas, taking up speed. Leaving this enigma of a man behind him.
— — —
James is buzzing with electricity.
He is on his way back from Scotland, and he will have to make one stop before he gets home. He just has to. There is basically no chance to find Sirius again. Not when he is traveling as well.
It's barely teatime when James arrives at the same hotel again. The owners' giant dog is greeting him with booming barks, and it fills James with excited butterflies.
It shouldn't, really.
James gets a room for himself, and then promptly takes a shower. The water pressure is still pathetic, but James just wants to be clean. He scrubs away at his motor oil stained fingers, until the skin is pink and raw. Then he looks at himself in the mirror, as he brushes on the shaving foam. He looks tired. At some point over the past years has he started to look like a proper grown up. His hair had started to turn grey in his early twenties already, and it's only gotten more so over the years. Lily loves to run her fingers through it, to massage his scalp. Her own hair is still red, but even that had lost some of the fire, has gotten muted. No less beautiful. Just different. James looks down his nose to see what he's doing, as he cuts his nose hair. A disgusting feeling, and it always makes him sneeze. But he will look his best today. The conversation with Lily had been weird. They have been together for such a long time now, and it had never even occurred to James that he could ever want someone else. Lily is It for him. Always has been. That had changed.
The blade is cold when it connects with his chin, and James pulls it in practiced strokes up his cheeks. Extra carefully at the places on his cheeks where akne had marred his skin. Stroke after stroke, does he free his skin of hair. The towel is harsh on his fresh skin, and the after shave has a sharp burn to it. Then he tries to comb his hair down with wax, but he knows it's a futile effort. His hair is stronger than the wax, it always has been.
Then, James puts his things away, dries the razor. Pulls on the red shirt he likes, and a pair of slacks, and then he makes to leave his room.
His nerves are building, behind every corner he hopes to find Sirius.
The owner of the Inn stands behind the bar, and greets James again. James wants to ask, but doesn't, about Sirius. Maybe later, should he had not found him by then. It's entirely unlikely that he would be here. But James doesn't care. He feels it in his bones. Sirius will be here. He has to be.
There is a small forest behind the Inn, and James decides to take a walk. He hadn't gotten enough nature lately. A creek gurgles its way alongside the trail James had chosen, the noise becoming more pronounced the farther he gets from the highway.
He takes a few deep breaths. Is reminded of the long tracks he and his parents had taken when he was a boy. How much energy he had back then. He makes a mental note to take Lily and Harry on a hike when he is back. Maybe even to go camping, just the three of them.
Birds trill and tweet around him. It's serene.
When he comes back to the Inn, there is this motorbike again. He is sure he had seen it before.
Otherwise, there are two normal cars, and of course his own truck.
His nerves are tense, when he opens the door. The stale, yellowed air tastes of different now. Less of the abyss, and more of new beginnings. Opportunities.
Sirius is there. Sat in a booth, head again buried in a book. His hair is shorter than last time, and he looks to have had a few more meals here and there since the last time he saw him.
James orders two pints, and a shepards pie, and then goes to join the younger man.
Sirius doesn't seem to notice the company, other than the quirk of his full lips. Whatever James had remembered of the colours of this man, it pales against the real thing. Dark cherry lips. Blue hues under his eyes. Black charcoal hair shadowing his cheeks.
Sirius flips the page of his book, and pushes his hair back. His eyes move over the page. James just drinks him in. He doesn't know what he is doing, if this is leading anywhere. If he misjudged the entire situation. The owner brings their pints, and James' pie. He thanks him, and the owner winks at him. James' heartbeat picks up.
He starts eating, waiting for Sirius to do, well, anything.
When he is halfway through his meal, which is hearty and so much better than the salty one he had before, does Sirius put his book down. He takes a swig of his beer, which makes his adams apple dance. Then he turns to look at James. His eyes hit James like a car crash. He forgets to breathe for a moment.
"Good to see you again, James," Sirius says.
James' heart is racing now.
"You remember me," he says.
Sirius smiles now. There is a light dimple in his right cheek. James never wanted to feel someones smile so badly.
"How could I forget you?" his eyes travel over James' body. There is an expression in his eyes that sends heat directly into James' groin.
James ruffles through his hair, effectively messing it up completely.
"I wasn't sure you'd be here," James replies.
"Turns out this is going to be more permanent for me."
"You live here?"
"I have to work somewhere, no?"
Energy surges through James' body. "What do you do for work?"
Sirius sighs, and thumbs at the condensation on the beer. "Just some upkeep. I help with the cars. And.."
James thinks he knows. He is pretty sure. He had heard them, after all.
"And the other thing," James completes the sentence for him.
Sirius nods, and then drinks again. His shoulders are tense.
"That's why you are here," Sirius tells him. And James shakes his head.
Sirius raises his eyebrows.
"I am here because of that. But not only. Not if you don't want to."
A smile adornes Sirius' lovely lips. His sharp features seem softer for it.
He finally turns toward James. There is a glint in his eyes.
"I have never done the other thing either."
Sirius looks down to the wedding band on James' finger.
"I have done That thing, just not like you do."
Sirius hums. "I'll be gentle with you then," he says softly.
It touches something in James that he wasn't aware needed it. He sniffles a little.
"You have children then?" Sirius changes the topic.
James smiles, even though his eyes feel wet. "A son. Harry. Absolute madman, that one. Get's to secondary school soon. And I swear he can't wait to go to boarding school. Can't stop them from growing up."
Sirius chuckles. "Boarding school, huh?"
"Oh yeah. He's a bright one. Deserves the very best."
"I went to boarding school."
"How was it?"
"The education was good."
"Then why -"
"Did I end up as a rent boy in an Inn in nowhere?"
James clears his throat, embarrassed. But Sirius grins amusedly.
"Chill. It's a valid question," Sirius turns even further. His knee knocks against James' thigh, and his arm leans on the headrest behind them.
"See, I was doing alright mostly. Different politics than my parents, and just about every other kid in this school, and I wasn't really great with keeping my mouth shut when people weren't treated right, but I was doing okay. But then my girlfriend ratted me out."
Sirius sighs quietly. James lifts his leg a little, and covers Sirius' knee with it. The other man looks up, and smiles softly. Never had James wanted to hold someone else this much.
"I had tried to have sex with her, but it really just didn't work. She blew up, and told everyone, including my parents, that I was an impotent queer predator," Sirius' voice is flat. His otherwise intense eyes somewhere far away. "My parents really weren't happy. They were okay with me voting Labour, probably because they thought I'd grow out of it. But that was just a step too far. They couldn't even sweep it under the carpet, with the way that girl ran her mouth. So they did the other thing, and threw me out. Didn't finish school, had nowhere to go."
Silence builds between them. James isn't sure he should say something. It doesn't feel like his silence to fill.
"So I started doing this. Sean was kind enough to let me kip here in exchange for help with the Inn, and he lets me do my thing for some extra money."
James clears his throat. The way Sirius speaks it sounds like ancient history. But it all has to be relatively fresh.
Sirius blinks a few times, returning to reality.
"Sorry. I've never talked about this."
A fuzzy feeling spreads from James' heart.
"I'm happy you're here now. Who knows if we had met otherwise.."
Sirius looks up, and smiles his pretty, pretty smile.
— — —
They go to James' room that night.
It's the same one he had slept on last time. The door opens noiselessly though.
It closes with a quiet click. Moonlight shines through the windows, but James closes the curtains tonight.
Suddenly, he is really nervous.
Sirius steps up behind James, and pulls him into his arms. James can smell him now. His arms are wiry but strong. James leans back against him. Breathes into his hands. He can feel the soft warm breath of Sirius against his shoulder. They stay like this, breathing together for what feels like forever. James feeds the moment to the moon, to never forget it.
At some point, he turns around. Sirius' beautiful grey eyes reflect the moonlight, and James swallows hard. His heart is beating in his throat. A steady rhythm, leading him forwards. To offer, to claim.
Sirius' lips are firm, and soft, full against James' own. They move together in chaotic harmony, James loses himself in the sensation. His arms find the slim line of Sirius' waist, and feels himself getting hard when Sirius' breathing quickens. They press closer together. Closer. James gets to feel up the straight line of Sirius' back, feels the knobs of his spine, the soft arches of his chest. Sirius' long fingers find their way into James' hair, and now it's on him to moan at the feeling. Desire rages through James, setting all his nerve endings on fire.
Sirius' hot mouth kisses down to James' throat, while James walks them towards the bed. He sucks, he licks, and James gets to feel the shape of his teeth against his skin. Sirius reaches down, blindly opens James' fly. The pressure is gone only for a beat, before Sirius' hand cups him. His broad palm hot, and dry even through the fabric of James' pants.
"Gorgeous," Sirius whispers against James' shoulder, as he starts to stroke. "You love that, don't you?"
James can do nothing but nod silently, and hold onto Sirius for dear life. Shockwaves of pleasure threaten to wreck him. His breathing comes laboured, and he has to get more. Clamps his hand into the silky tresses of Sirius' hair, to turn his head around. Claims those smiling lips for himself. Again and again. Sirius kisses with purpose, handles him with practiced motions. Sirius hums, and James' knees buckle. His grip on Sirius' hair tightens, when he finally reaches in. Skin touches skin, now. There is no reason why he should like the callouses on Sirius' hands, but it drives him insane. His hips buck on their own accord, deeper and faster into the tight heat of Sirius' steady hand. Seeking the delicious friction. Chasing his pleasure. Breathing in Sirius.
Heat builds, seismic shocks coming closer and closer to James' groin.
Sirius' soft, dark, velvet voice whispers sweet nothings in the air around them, only drowned out by James' desperate grunts.
A kiss. A bite. James' vision clouds, as white hot pleasure burns through him.
His knees buckle, but Sirius must hold him, turn him. Gently maneuver him on the mattress.
James heaves. Chuckles wetly. Brings a hand to his face, as he experiences the aftershocks of his orgasm. A tab goes in the bathroom. James still hasn't come down, when Sirius returns. The mattress dips under Sirius' weight, as he joins James.
They stay like that. Sirius starts playing with James' hair. Scratches over his scalp in such a wonderful way. Traces patterns over it. Nearly absentmindedly, while James' breathing evens out.
The bitter scent of smoke fills the room at one point, bringing a smile to James' lips. He sniffles, and then turns towards the other man. Cuddles closer to him. Breathing him in. Cooling down.
Sirius continues his demonstrations. Lightly traces over what James knows to be his worry lines. Featherlight fingertips kiss the old akne scars.
When James finds it in him to look up, Sirius looks out of the window. Right here, and far away.
"I told my wife about you," is the first thing out of James' mouth. His voice is rough.
A smile flashes over Sirius' face, and then he looks down.
"Did you, now?"
James nods. He reaches up to capture Sirius' hand in his own. Presses a reverent kiss to his wonderful palm.
"We've been married for a good 20 years now. I couldn't have done this without telling her. She is okay with it."
Another smile.
"I am slightly older than your marriage," Sirius says. An emotion in his voice that James can't place.
They fall back into silence.
"I don't kiss my clients," admits Sirius. So quietly that James isn't sure it was meant for his ears.
There is something monumental in that statement, and James has to pull Sirius closer. Pull him into another kiss. Deep, thorough. Passionate and soft, and everything in between. The soft tapping of rain sounds against the window, relieving the atmosphere of pressure.
They fall asleep that way. Curled around each other. Bodies and souls intertwined.
And James kisses Sirius awake without even having to move.