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Jekyll had felt a lot of things on the days of the upcoming expedition. But none of them had been like this.
There was the fear of waking up in an unknown space shuttle… again. Being dragged across the stars to who knows where. That had been a mess in itself. When nobody seemed to understand his lack of understanding, he stopped trying to get answers. He’d figure it out himself.
Then there was comfort, being held by someone who didn't know what was wrong but cared anyway. Ghost was sweet. Jekyll liked Ghost. Maybe they had been close before, though that didn’t really matter now.
And then… there was awe. The giddy feeling that filled him when the ship landed on unfamiliar terrain. The buzz of his code being altered to adjust to the respawn and regen-mechanics. The sickeningly sweet taste of the air around them. It almost made the days of stress prior disappear.
Almost.
But this? Hearing Ghost scream for help before silence. Coming back up the steep steps of the rickety mine they had made, claiming he was fine only to immediately start screaming about something Jekyll struggled to make out. The echoes of screams bouncing off the stone walls. And then… he died.
It had happened so quickly. Too quick. Nobody should die that fast. There had been no damage indication Jekyll could see. Was he supposed to see it? He was a bit glad he didn’t. He wanted to throw up.
He knew they had three lives in this world before their permadeath. Even then, once they reached and lost their last life, according to the records they would be sent back to their shuttle — which was conveniently circling the world until further notice. Ghost still had two lives. This wasn’t a big deal. Hell, others had died prior, death messages sitting neatly in the world chat.
And yet, collecting what he could of Ghost’s stuff before it de-spawned made his stomach churn.
Once he got to spawn he spotted Ghost — next to his newfound soulmate, Peppi — his name a bright yellow hue. It felt ironic. He had given the other a daffodil earlier. A yellow flower for a yellow name.
"Ghost!" He didn’t hesitate in running up to the other, immediately beginning to shift through his inventory, emptying what he thought to be Ghost’s belongings onto the ground. "I think this is yours? I can’t tell honestly… we both had a bunch of junk." Jekyll’s laugh ran dryer than he had wanted. He hoped it wasn’t obvious.
Thankfully it didn’t seem like it was.
"That’s fine, this…" Ghost shifted through the items in his inventory, scanning it over once before confirming. "Yeah, this looks about right. I didn’t have too much on me. Unless you count all the diorite."
Jekyll didn’t have it in him to laugh. His throat seemed to constrict, stopping any sound from climbing out. His silence lasted too long. It didn’t go unnoticed.
"Um… Jekyll? Are you good there? World to Jekyll!" Ghost waved a hand in front of the taller one’s face — having to stretch particularly high to do so.
It managed to snap Jekyll out of his thoughts. "Oh! Uh, yeah diorite or… something." A painful silence fell between the three. Peppi was the one to break it.
"Jekyll, are you alright? You seem a bit out of it. Did something happen between here and spawn?" Nothing had happened. Jekyll felt dumb for making it seem like something had.
"It’s nothing. Just those new-world-jitters." Did those exist? He hoped they did.
"Are you sure? You look a bit—" Peppi didn’t get the chance to finish his sentence. Jekyll wouldn’t allow that. He was fine. He knew what respawn was… or well, what you could learn about it from loose-leaf documents scattered across the floor.
"I’m sure. Let’s just focus on getting you some armor before you guys die again." His words came out harsher than intended. He couldn’t bring himself to apologize.
The time leading up to finding his soulmate was draining. And now that he was standing right in front of him, it wasn’t any better. He didn’t want to leave Ghost. Not after the past few hours. He couldn’t just leave him, what if he died again?
And the little voice in the back of his head scolded him. Ghost isn’t your soulmate. Why do you care? Local needs you now.
He ignored it.
When Local and Spine went off to talk amongst themselves, anxiety dug its way into his stomach. He felt nauseous again. "They’re totally talking shit about me aren’t they!" He ran a hand through his hair and over his ears, giving them a light scratch as his tail flicked about in a panic.
"I’m more worried they’re talking shit about me if I’m being honest. Spine and Local didn’t seem too fond when you brought up us being neighbors." Peppi’s voice was nervous as they tried to look to where Spine and Local had run off to. It calmed the feline down to know he wasn’t the only one freaking out.
"I bet Spine’s telling Local I’m going to cheat on them or something!" Jekyll’s voice came out in a panicked hiss as he let his body fall back against the grass, narrowly missing a torch. The warmth nearby was comforting, even if it was small.
"Pff, cheat with who?"
There was silence. An unspoken understanding between the three of them.
When Local and Spine hadn’t returned for a concerning amount of time Jekyll let his nerves get the best of him. He’d go ask the two himself.
Local didn’t want Ghost and Peppi with them. Even worse, Local said they were his ”sides”. Ghost was far more than a side! He had spent the entire session with Ghost just a few blocks away. Who cared if they weren’t soulmates? Local does.
Jekyll once again ignored the voice that nipped at the back of his thoughts. It was being mean.
He needed to talk to Ghost. Alone. For a reason, even he hadn’t quite figured out yet.
When he had managed to find himself alone with the other, his mind blanked for a moment. He didn’t want to leave Ghost. Local didn’t want him around though. If only his soul had been bound to Ghost. Then there would be no need to live separately, even if it would only be a few hundred blocks west of the Cherry Alliance.
"Local doesn’t want you and Peppi to be our neighbors. Says he doesn’t want my ‘sides’ living with us… whatever that means." The words came out as smooth as broken glass. He didn’t want to say it. The words scratched his throat as they came out.
"Oh… Well, I guess there’s not much that can be done then. Me and Peppi can live nearby though. Not neighbors but… close!" Ghost’s optimism felt warm. And in place of the little voice that nipped at him — the one berating him for wanting Ghost more than his soulmate — was a sweet whisper.
He wants to be close to me.
"Welp, bye Jekyll! I’ll see you soon alright?" Ghost turned to leave. This wasn’t a goodbye, it was a see you soon. But it hurt the same.
"Wait…" His voice came out meek and muffled as though he was speaking through a mouth of cotton. "Are you… okay?" He wondered if he was asking for Ghost or himself. It didn’t take much wondering for him to know the answer — though he wouldn’t say it out loud.
"Yeah?" Ghost's eyes sparked with confusion as he looked back to his taller companion. Why wouldn’t he be okay, was something supposed to be wrong? He didn’t get long to think about it before the air was knocked out of him, his limbs being crushed in a tight hug.
The embrace loosened a bit, just enough to breathe properly. "Jekyll?"
Silence.
It was silent for a while. They felt like statues. Unmoving. Unspeaking. Peaceful.
"Jekyll, are you alright?"
"Why wouldn’t I be?"
"You’re holding on rather tight. That’s why."
"Am I not allowed to hold my friends?"
"…"
"You died, Ghost."
Ghost’s fingers twitched. He checked the tab list. "Jekyll, I wasn’t the only death today."
"I know."
It was silent again.
"Are you sure you’re alright?"
"…No."
"Wanna talk about why?"
"Not really…"
"You’ll have to eventually."
"Don’t say that."
"…Sorry."
They stood there like that for a while. Jekyll’s fingers twisted the fabric on the back of Ghost’s waistcoat as if letting go would mean losing him forever. It’d need to be ironed later.
When they finally broke their embrace Jekyll rushed to wipe away silent tears that had fallen, rubbing his eyes raw. And as they departed, Jekyll attempted to discreetly peer back at Ghost, wanting to keep him in range as long as possible. Ghost pretended to not notice.