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It was late.
By some miracle, Jui had earned enough trust in the Song household to be assigned Tian’s personal butler and bodyguard.
For an assassin, it was the perfect opportunity.
For a man who loved Tian, it was torture. Tian, who was beautiful, kind and gentle. Tian who rescued insects and made shadow puppets. Tian, who looked at Jui like he was a man who could be loved, wanted.
Tian had returned late that evening, tears in his eyes. Normally, Jui would slip out of their room, to give him some privacy, but tonight, Tian catches his sleeve and whispers, “Stay.”
He stays.
He sits beside Tian, who leans into his side and tells him that his mother hates him, hates what he is. That he would rather die than change. Jui tenses, slides a tentative arm around Tian's back. Tries to comfort him. Begs in his mind for his Tian not to leave him.
Tian crumples at the touch, curls into Jui, and Jui holds him. Holds Tian, who smells like sandalwood and lilies, his eyelashes brushing Jui’s skin, his long, slender fingers tangling in Jui’s shirt.
Jui tries not to bury his nose in his hair, cling to him, frighten him with the intensity of his desire to hold, protect, comfort.
He allows himself to drag a calloused thumb under Tian’s eye, catching a tear, the delicate skin soft. Tian sniffs and looks at him, his eyes wide and dark.
Jui loves him.
“Tian,” he says, softly. “Go get ready for bed.” Tian nods, wipes his tears, and grabs his towel.
Jui heads to his own bathroom and does the same, willing his heart to stop beating so fast.
***
In the moonlight filtering through the lace curtains, Tian is ethereal. He’s the goddess from his myths. Jui almost reaches for him, from his cot on the floor.
He closes his eyes instead.
Tian’s voice is so soft, full of fear and longing when he whispers, “Jui…can you lay with me?”
Jui’s traitorous heart nearly stops.
He rises from his bed, powerless to do anything else, and Tian shuffles over, his eyes bright even in the darkness.
Jui lays down, trying to make himself small in the silk sheets, next to Tian who is warm, his dark hair spilling over his pillow, the line of his jaw so delicate that Jui is afraid Tian would shatter if he touches him.
But Tian reaches for him instead. Laces their fingers together under the sheets, his palm warm, and Jui can’t help the flinch.
Tian clings tighter. “I don't want to be alone,” he whispers. He shuffles closer, until his cheek is resting on Jui’s shoulder.
Jui wants to cry. Tian, who is so, so lonely. Tian, who if he knew what Jui was, would be terrified.
Tian can definitely feel him shaking. A hand is placed on his chest, over his heart, and Jui begs the universe, Please, let me have this. Let me have him for one night. Please.
“Are you alright?” Tian asks, his voice small, tentative. Jui takes a deep breath. Please, he pleads one last time.
“Come here,” he whispers back. He rolls so he can tuck Tian into his arms, feel his breath on his collarbone, feel his shoulder blades, the dip of his spine. Tian clings. He makes himself so small, burrowing into Jui’s chest, and makes such a tiny, soft noise of comfort. Jui presses his nose into Tian’s hair, and holds him tightly.
Tian falls asleep there, and Jui prays.
***
In the soft morning light, Jui opens his eyes. Tian looks so young in his sleep, his tension and fear erased. He doesn't deserve this, Jui thinks.
He doesn’t deserve this, he thinks again. Tian, who made him a picture book to learn how to read and write, who was generous with his time and love, who was clumsy and sweet and who is asleep in Jui’s arms.
A drop lands on Tian’s cheek. Jui is crying. How could he not? How could he kill his Tian? When did Tian become his?
Another tear lands, and Jui breaks. He’s kissing Tian’s hair, his brow, the corner of his beautiful eyes, the teardrops he left, and he begs Tian for forgiveness. The universe be damned, how could he live any lifetime knowing he betrayed his Tian?
“Jui?” It's so soft, but it stops him short.
Tian is awake, tousled and perfect in the golden light.
Tian wipes a tear from Jui’s cheek, with a soft fingertip. “What’s wrong, Jui? What happened?”
“Tian,” Jui whispers. “Tian, forgive me.”
“For what, Jui?” He’s starting to sound frightened.
Jui takes a breath. He sits up, and pulls Tian to rest against him. “Tian, let me explain. When I’m done, you can do whatever you want, but let me explain.” His voice is breaking already.
Tian nods. His eyes are huge, searching.
Jui explains. About his sister, about Ma, his assignments, where his siblings are, and how he can’t follow his orders, would never follow his orders again.
Tian’s face is still, his eyes hardening as Jui explains. At the end, Tian nods. His expression is unreadable, and Jui’s heart hurts. At least now, Tian knows. He might lose his Tian, but Tian will be alive.
He’s still leaning into Jui’s side. Jui reaches for him, hand shaking, and Tian catches it, pulls it against his cheek. Jui sobs.
“We can fix this,” Tian declares. “We’ll get your siblings back. Thank you for telling me.” His voice is bitter, tired. “At least someone can be honest in this cursed house.
“We won’t tell anyone. Maybe just Yang and Pin?” he muses, still holding Jui's hand to his soft cheek. Still running his thumb over Jui’s scarred knuckles.
Tian looks at him. “I've had worse betrayals," he says. He sits up and lets go of Jui’s hand, and tilts his head. “Jui,” he whispers.
Then Jui has the prince of the Song family in his lap. He’s beautiful, kind and gentle, and he’s looking at Jui like he can be loved, wanted.
“Can you kiss me properly?”
Jui can, and does.
***
Years later, Tian will be in Jui’s lap again, no longer a prince but a king. Jui will still think him kind and beautiful, and Tian will look at him like he is loved, wanted.