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Humans were nothing like what Wilbur had imagined.
He had spent a large amount of time studying the species after they’d decided to keep the human on board, but lots of the data seemed to be rather irrelevant or plain wrong.
Like the research said that humans were a highly social species, and yet the human hadn’t come searching for them once since being let out of his cell.
It also said they could regrow teeth, and yet the human had a gap in his teeth where no tooth had grown.
Honestly Wilbur was starting to question all the research they had on humans.
He’d tried talking to the hu—to Tommy as much as he could about his species, asking to run tests and take scans or bloods for their record. But every time without fail Tommy would shut down, refusing to speak any more.
The first time this happened Wilbur assumed it was a fault with the translator and had gently pulled Tommy towards the medbay so he could fix it. Except as soon as they entered, Tommy spoke very fast and very high pitched and Wilbur assumed it had just been a processing issue.
Except then it happened again. And again. And again.
The more it happened, the more Tommy would retreat from Wilbur, and he started to think that maybe there was something else going on here.
Except Tommy wasn’t telling him what.
So Wilbur devised a way to get him to open up.
Wilbur read about some of the strange traditions on Earth, and seeing Tommy’s missing tooth gave him an idea. But it was one he was going to need Techno for.
Techno and Tommy were on—strange terms. They weren’t exactly hostile towards each other, but it was near impossible to find the two of them in the same room for any period of time, and after a few tense moments that included Techno letting out a growl in Tommy’s direction, they both seemed to have silently agreed it was better if they didn’t interact.
But Wilbur had an idea and he really needed Techno for it. Which led to where he was now, trotting after Techno and pleading with him.
“But Techno—”
“No.”
“Please?”
“No.”
“Come on—”
“No Wilbur.”
Wilbur stopped and threw his hands up. “What do you think is going to happen? Phil is going to get bored and suddenly drop him at a space port somewhere?”
“Hopefully.”
“Well we both know that is highly unlikely to happen. He is here to stay whether you like it or not, so you can either start helping me get him to open up and make this easier on all of us, or you can keep being your stubborn self and never get anywhere.”
Techno also stopped and let out a snort. “Yeah, the second option sounds better.”
Wilbur leaned against the wall, dragging a hand down his face, his fins squeezed tight against his head with stress. “Please Techno. I need to do this, and I can’t do it without you.”
Techno raised an eyebrow at him, and Wilbur increased the look of utter despair on his face. The eyebrow raised higher and Wilbur allowed his fins to tremble slightly, a clear sign of distress. Techno started to falter and Wilbur pushed towards victory.
“Please Tech.” He whispered, allowing his voice to crack with a warble at the end.
Techno threw his head back and bared his tusks in frustration. “Alright fine.” He growled. “But just this, I’m not helping you with any of your other little experiments.”
“Of course not.” Wilbur grinned sharply, grabbing Techno’s arms and starting to drag him down the hall. “This is going to be simple and painless, trust me.”
//
“I am never trusting you again.”
“It’s fine.” Wilbur said, peering around the corner. “You remember your lines?”
“Wilbur, this was not what I agreed to.”
“You agreed to helping me.” Wilbur brushed him off. “Now get ready, I can hear him coming.”
The door around the corner hissed open and Wilbur heard the human walking down the hall. He gestured at Techno who crossed his arms, shaking his head. Wilbur flared his fins, marched behind him and shoved with all his might.
Techno stumbled out into view, catching himself and locking eyes with Tommy. Tommy’s mouth slowly went slack as he stared wide-eyed at the spectacle before him.
In fairness, none of the books Wilbur had read had ever actually described what a Teeth Fairy looked like, so he’d sort of had to put that together himself.
He had dressed Techno in a mixture of purple and pinks and attached a pair of sparkly wings to his back. There was a tiara nestled on top of his head, forcing his ears down, and he had a sparkly wand held in his hand.
It was quite possibly the best thing Wilbur had ever created.
Techno however was not playing the part very well. He continued to just stare at Tommy, awkwardly holding the wand in one hand with the other reached out to steady himself. Likewise, Tommy kept staring straight back at him, face the picture of shock and disbelief.
Wilbur let out a subtle cough and Techno jolted. He cleared his throat and waved the wand around aimlessly.
“Tommy, human from Earth. I am here for your teeth.”
Tommy startled. “My what?” He squeaked.
“No, No!” Wilbur hissed and Techno backtracked.
“I mean, I am here to give you teeth?”
“No!”
“I’m here to give you money.”
“NO!”
“I am here to take your money?” Techno said questioningly. He levelled the wand at Tommy’s chest. “Give me your teeth and your money.”
Wilbur knocked his head against the wall and let out a groan. “You said you knew your lines!”
“Wilbur, be grateful you got me into this stupid costume.” Techno snarled back, making Tommy jump. “I am not learning lines on top of this.”
“Sorry, what’s going on?” Tommy squeaked, stumbling backwards slightly. Wilbur rushed out, hands held up and fins wide.
“No wait! Look, he’s a Teeth fairy.”
“A what?”
“Teeth fairy? I read about them, their currency revolves around teeth, and human leave them under the pillow when they fall out and the teeth fairies take them and leave them coins in return? I assumed that was why yours hadn’t grown back yet, because the old tooth hasn’t been collected?”
“A Tooth Fairy.” Tommy corrected automatically, looking between Techno and Wilbur warily. “So—you aren’t going to steal my teeth?”
“Unless you want us to.” Techno said with a raised eyebrow, the pink and purple costume and wings slightly ruining the effect. Tommy shook his head.
“Well I figured since there probably aren’t any tooth fairies out in space, Techno could be your tooth fairy.”
“Unwilling tooth fairy.” Techno muttered, but he raised the wand anyway and waved it violently. Tommy blinked.
“I—uhh—”
“So give us your old tooth, and then the new one can grow!”
“It—uhh. It doesn’t work like that.” Tommy said slowly. “You only have two lots of teeth, baby teeth fall out and adult teeth replace them, but if your adult teeth fall out you can’t grow new ones.”
“Oh.” Wilbur said disheartened. “Well that seems like an evolutionary flaw.”
“Was it your adult tooth that fell out?” Techno asked, and Tommy nodded. “How?”
“I’ll still take the money though!” Tommy said brightly, completely ignoring Techno’s question. Techno shook his head but didn’t push.
“Nuh-uh. My money now.”
Tommy pouted and Wilbur flapped a hand at the two of them. “Shush, I’m thinking.”
“Don’t think too hard.”
“Tommy be quiet.”
“No the human’s right Wilbur, you might have an aneurysm.”
Tommy snorted and Wilbur levelled Techno with a stare. “Don’t take the human’s side.”
“I will absolutely take the human’s side when you force me to dress up like this.”
“I think you look kind of cool.” Tommy interjected and Techno cocked his head, considering.
“I will admit it is much less restricting than normal clothes.” He said, swishing about. “But I do not think it is very—me.”
“Clashes a bit with your hair.” Tommy gestured and Techno snorted agreement.
“When you two are finished.” Wilbur scowled. “Tommy, what if I gave you a new tooth? Would that work?”
“Really?” Tommy said surprised, his tongue finding the gap in his teeth. “That wo—you’d—yes please!” He stammered.
“Right.” Wilbur said, clapping his hands together. “Meet me in the medbay?”
Tommy went white so alarmingly fast Wilbur thought his heart had suddenly stopped. “Could we not do it somewhere else?”
Techno and Wilbur exchanged glances. “If you want.” Techno shrugged, starting to lead the way out the hall.
“Somewhere sterile please!” Wilbur complained, heading off in the other direction to make a new tooth. Thankfully he’d already managed to get a dental scan off all the human’s teeth when Tommy was sleeping, studying the different kinds of teeth shapes helped him to create a balanced diet.
Not that Tommy knew it of course.
“Yeah yeah.” Techno said, waving a hand. “Come find us when you’re done.”
//
“Techno. I said sterile.”
Techno shrugged, looking around the kitchen. “I mean this is sterile. We literally prepare food in here.”
“Raw food Techno, raw. This is not the place to do dental surgery.”
“Take it or leave it.” Techno yawned, leaning back against the countertop. “Doubt Phil will let you do this in the living quarters.”
“Is it going to hurt?” Tommy said anxiously, wringing his hands.
“Not at all.” Wilbur reassured, holding out the dish with the new tooth on it. “Dental implants have been around for forever, the technology’s gotten pretty advanced.”
Tommy peered nervously at the tooth in the dish. “What do I do?”
“Just place it in the gap, make sure it’s the right way around, and the rest will happen naturally.”
Tommy gingerly picked up the tooth. “And you’re sure it won’t hurt?”
“Barely.” Techno grunted and Wilbur flared his fins at him.
“Don’t listen to him, you won’t feel a thing.”
“Alright then.” Tommy muttered. “You got a mirror or something?”
//
“What do you think?” Wilbur asked anxiously.
Tommy turned his head left and right, tongue pushing against the new tooth. It sat comfortably in his mouth, even if it felt slightly foreign. “It’s good.” He said smiling. He grinned wider at the lack of gap in his smile. “I like it.”
“It looks good.” Techno said gruffly and Tommy’s eyes flashed to him in the mirror.
“Thanks.” He said quietly. “And thanks for the tooth.”
“I’m glad you like it.” Wilbur grinned. “Now tell me, what do the tooth fairies do with the teeth when they’ve collected them? Do they build houses made of teeth?”
Tommy laughed, loud and genuine, a noise Wilbur hadn’t heard before. Wilbur’s fins fanned out at the sound and a trill bubbled up his throat that he had to work to hold back.
He glanced at Techno and saw Techno’s pupils dilating slightly as he fought to hold back the chuff that must’ve been straining to burst out his chest.
And he decided then and there he was going to make the human laugh like that as much as he could, for there was no better sound in the whole universe.