Work Text:
“I love you too, Lopez!”
The android looked at Donut. The change would be subtle to a human, but Lopez had been anything but subtle. For an artificial mind to function, millions of terabytes had to be processed, at the fastest speed that his not-so-late nano circuitry within his hardware. Thousands of calculations were made using advanced algorithms to ensure that Lopez made the most accurate judgments in lieu of an actual human being with an IQ at the better end of the bell curve, with the added benefit of superior knowledge of equipment maintenance.
The bottom left of Lopez's vision changed. The software itself had updated Donut from “Idiot” to “???”. This was akin to failing to initialise English.exe due to a hardware error.
He conveniently misplaced himself to sort it out. Sarge probably had some stupid ideas about whatever input he had to give, and the point of it all was to avoid Donut at all costs, at least until he had figured out what the problem was.
The protocol was first to scan for Malware. Lopez sat himself quietly inside the trash. Deactivating control over his limbs saved him the energy that was much needed, anyway. There was no Malware, which indicated that there were possible data corruption as well as hardware failures. Worried was the approximate emotion that Lopez felt, right then.
Donut came by. He walked past, multiple times. Lopez watched him from where he sat (Limbs.exe yet to initialize in this reboot). He noted that Donut's armor was polished, and that he was holding something in his hand. Figuring that any information was useful, Lopez quietly zoomed in and took a snapshot of that object.
The android saved the file, for future reference. A quick scan showed that it was a book.
“Que, probablemente, es una película para chicas.” Lopez noted. “No hay nadie normal sobre este planeta. No me pida que cuidar de mis niños pequeños.”
“Lopez? Is that you?” Donut cleared his throat. He looked in Lopez's direction. The android's limbs were still disabled, but the pink armoured man came closer and started rummaging in the trash for him. “Thank goodness, you are in one piece.”
“No me digas , por supuesto que estoy en una sola pieza. ¡Suéltame ahora o ser el primero en morir en una revolución del robot.”
Donut looked at him for a moment, and said with a voice that trembled, “I didn't know you needed me, Lopez! Just... Wait for me. I'll be right back.” He dropped the book again.
“Sí, eso era exactamente lo que tengo en mente. Te necesito como un tumor canceroso necesita otro tumor canceroso en la parte superior de la misma.”
Having nothing to do while his debugging process was still running (and he could not yet reactivate his limbs), Lopez scanned the book again now that it was in clearer shot. It was one of those romantic phrasebooks. Lopez remembered seeing it on Amazon. Was it... in Español?
Donut came back with Caboose this time.
“Here he is. Hold this, Caboose!” Donut said, lifting one of Lopez's limbs. “...Ready...”
Lopez groaned in only the way an android could. There was an unexpected addition of multiple ??????? in the lower right side of his screen. There was also a flipping of his switch, which was ultimately beyond his control.
“Ah... Mmm... I will help you with your boyfriend.” Caboose said, lifting the entirety of Lopez by his legs such that Lopez dangled upside down, his switch rubbing against his codpiece.
“Oh no, he's hung! It hurts, doesn't it?” Donut gasped. “Bear with it, Lopez! I'm going to make everything better.”
“Activa el interruptor hacia abajo. El Loud idiota hizo esto para disuadir ...” Lopez realised that he was never going to regain control of his limbs until it was flipped back on. As to what had caused it to flip, there was only one answer: Lopez had a “feature” encoded in his AI. He had vaguely experienced something similar with the tank, but the switch itself had never physically flipped on its own accord. That was the first time. He would have to find a way to flip it back without the use of his own limbs. “Mierda.”
Lopez was quickly brought back to the bunk. Everything seemed to take forever, but by then he had already finished the debug process.
Donut looked at Lopez helplessly while Caboose tried to coax Lopez into moving his limbs. “I'm going to pick Sarge up. Keep him company, Caboose.”
“Cristo. No es el idiota en voz alta.”
Donut stopped in his tracks and looked at Lopez again. He looked at Caboose, and said, “No...I think he wants me to stay. Can you get Sarge for me, Caboose? I will pay you back whenever you need something to drink in the desert.”
“Mmm! Okay... I will find Church. He always knows what to do.” Caboose ran away quickly, before Donut could say anything.
Donut sighed. He sat there beside Lopez and took off his helmet. He removed Lopez' helmet as well, and, with a hand against the android's cheek, he leaned in for the kiss.
Lopez's data for Donut finally updated. It was a series of squares that his text encoding was not equipped to support. He would have to restart in order to read it properly. Lopez hoped that it was nothing particularly stupid.
“I thought I would never see you again, Lopez. I am glad that Washington brought you back. And now I just want to learn Spanish, so that I can communicate with you properly... I lost the book again.”
“I know, Lopez.” Donut smiled. He leaned against Lopez, even though the android's armour smelt like trash. Lopez's scent sensors registered a sweetish lavender scent from Donut's shower cream. “I enjoyed our time together when you were still a head in the garden.”
“Se podría hacer un buen escritor de ficción. Para una película para chicas.”
“You want me to help you out of this uncomfortable armour in your last moment?” Donut asked, tender as ever.
“Se podría hacer una carrera en desacreditar el cambio climático. Pensar en ello.”
Donut smiled at Lopez. The android's core temperature was rising – although it could be the use of his hardware. Being so close to the man seemed to overload Lopez' sensors, making them function at higher frequency. There was a slight buzzing sound where one of Lopez' vents were located. “You look great, Lopez. Tú sexy robot.”
Lopez' artificial skin flushed red to indicate the rise in heat. “¿Yo?”
Donut helped Lopez out of his armour. Lopez never had the need to wear anything underneath, since he was not made of actual flesh – just synthetic ones. Donut looked surprised at the state that Lopez' switch was in, but he looked up, smiled, and said, “I could help with that,” with a wink and another kiss.
One switch flip and a restart later, with Donut nestled against him, Lopez finally managed to read the squares on his screen.
It was a series of hearts.