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“I can’t believe how hard you are already,” Chen Yi grinned, his tongue sticking out between his stupidly perfect teeth. It made Ai Di suppress the urge to smack the smug expression right off his face.
Instead, he rolled his hips, causing his dick to drag deliciously along Chen Yi’s length, and looked at the older one with raised eyebrows. “Look who’s talking.”
Chen Yi’s chest rumbled with laughter, sending shivers down Ai Di’s spine.
It still blew Ai Di’s mind to think that not only was he allowed to touch Chen Yi like this now, but that Chen Yi was laughing with him.
When he had left that night, Ai Di thought he would never get to see Chen Yi being kind to him again. Had lost the right to. No more touches. No more bickering. No more smiles, as faint as they might often be.
Yet, here they were, bodies pressed close, hands roaming and lips chasing whatever small part of the other they could reach.
And Chen Yi laughed. Because Ai Di made him.
Ai Di was pulled from his thoughts when Chen Yi slung an arm around his butt and picked him up with no effort at all. And Chen Yi’s shameless display of strength jaundiced Ai Di as much as it turned him on.
Any comment Ai Di had died in his throat, however, when Chen Yi pushed Ai Di’s back against the hard wood of the sturdy shelf partitioning off his bed from the door they just had burst through in a wild mess of limbs and kisses.
Chen Yi sucked a painful hickey into the younger one’s neck, making Ai Di groan. His fingers dug into Chen Yi’s hair, pulling hard.
Whether because the sensation of Chen Yi going down on his neck was too much or too little, Ai Di himself wasn’t sure. He just knew he couldn’t let Chen Yi take all the charge.
Not that he didn’t like being manhandled by Chen Yi - far from it, really. There was just some part of him that couldn’t lie back silently and submit. He needed to push back. Protest.
And he trusted Chen Yi to know that the fingers pulling on his hair weren’t a sign of discomfort or actual resistance, but… just his weird kind of love language.
As if he had read his mind, Chen Yi licked along Ai Di’s earlobe. “You like that, huh?” he teased him, his breath tickling Ai Di’s ear, causing him to let out a traitorous stuttering breath.
With a pleased smile pulling on the corner of his lips, Chen Yi gave Ai Di’s butt cheek a tight squeeze as he pressed close.
“I’m gonna fuck you so good today,” he announced and Ai Di snorted a laugh at Chen Yi echoing his own words from a few days back.
“Oh, really? You sure about-” he started, but his words were cut short when Chen Yi spun them around and unceremoniously threw him onto the bed.
Ai Di’s body bounced on the soft mattress and he would have made some biting remark if not for the absolute hunger in Chen Yi’s eyes as he looked down on him.
In one swift motion, Chen Yi dropped his pants and shook off his boxers. He then leaned down to help Ai Di, whose hands desperately worked open his own zipper, to get rid of his last pieces of clothing, too.
“I need you in me,” Ai Di declared boldly as he grabbed for Chen Yi’s neck, pulling him down onto the bed with him. “Like… right now.”
It was Chen Yi’s turn now to laugh against Ai Di’s lips. He pushed his tongue past them, kissing Ai Di with such rigor it left the smaller one breathless and almost painfully hard.
Chen Yi’s long fingers found their way down to his hips, caressing the soft skin there before wandering down to dip hungrily between his ass cheeks.
“Yes,” Ai Di moaned into Chen Yi’s mouth, his mind too clouded from everything Chen Yi to remember any teasing commentary. Chen Yi, taking in the sight of Ai Di below him with hungry eyes, complied with Ai Di’s unspoken request and carefully pressed one finger against his entrance.
They had done it often enough over the past few days that Chen Yi’s finger went in without too much discomfort. Ai Di’s body was by now used enough to Chen Yi’s touch to accommodate him easily.
Having learned from prior mistakes, Chen Yi reached over to the side of his bed to produce a small bottle of lube that he opened with a skillful flick of his fingers.
The lube was still cold where it hit Ai Di’s thighs, causing him to twitch briefly as he sucked in a breath and licked his lower lip in anticipation.
“You’re so cute,” Chen Yi commented as he worked his finger, now slick and moving with much less friction, into Ai Di again. When the younger one’s head fell back in response, he tracked the movement with hooded eyes and his lips opened around a satisfied half-smile.
Ai Di huffed a laugh and pulled Chen Yi down by his neck, biting the older one’s shoulder in retaliation.
“Watch who you call cute,” he threatened, but was cut off by a moan when Chen Yi, that smug fucker, added another finger and twisted them just right.
Ai Di’s body gave a little jerk and Chen Yi’s eyes lit up in satisfaction at the sight. “Oh, you know that I have a lot more words to call you,” he teased.
Face hot with embarrassment, Ai Di swatted a hand at him, as he remembered all the filthy things Chen Yi had whispered into his ear the prior night, making him cum so hard he almost fainted.
But Chen Yi just playfully snapped his teeth at Ai Di’s hand.
Chen Yi’s fingers left Ai Di in one swift but careful motion and before Ai Di fully knew what happened, he found himself flung around, suddenly staring down at Chen Yi’s dark blue bedsheets.
Chen Yi hovered above his shoulders, his body a warm and hard weight against Ai Di’s back. “I’ll show you just how cute you can be,” Chen Yi teased again, his hot breath tickling Ai Di’s ear, sending a shiver down his spine that made his cock leak in anticipation.
Ai Di reached up to flick his fingers against Chen Yi’s forehead. But the older one’s fingers wrapped around his wrist, pressing it firmly into the mattress next to his head.
For good measure, Chen Yi did the same with Ai Di’s left hand as well, completely immobilizing the smaller one below his bulky frame.
Ai Di drew in a sharp breath at the sensation, his neck tingling uncomfortably.
He felt helpless, suddenly.
But it was okay. This was Chen Yi. Chen Yi. So he swallowed and took a deep breath to shake off that sudden rush of nerves.
Chen Yi, unaware of Ai Di’s internal turmoil, rolled his hip, causing his dick to rub against Ai Di’s bare ass, allowing Ai Di to feel just how hard the other was already.
And it should have turned him on. It should. But all Ai Di felt was cold panic settling in his chest as Chen Yi hungrily sucked on his neck.
Ai Di blinked, trying to clear his head and rid himself of the nausea that settled in his guts.
This was Chen Yi. He was okay. It was Chen Yi.
Ai Di took drew in a shaking breath. He was shivering, suddenly. Visibly. Cold sweat forming on the base of his neck.
He tried to reassure himself again that it was okay. This was Chen Yi. He was okay. This wasn’t like back then…
Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on Chen Yi’s heartbeat, calm himself down, but all he could hear was a shrill ringing in his ears.
The panic settled deeper, making his throat close up.
This was wrong. This was Chen Yi above him, not…
but…
Ai Di’s vision turned blurry, his eyes hot with unshed tears. His fingers grabbed onto the sheets below him in an iron fist as his muscles tensed to the extent he could feel himself shaking from the exertion.
He could feel Chen Yi shift above him, his hands leaving Ai Di’s wrists as his fingers wrapped carefully around his chin.
Chen Yi was saying something to him, Ai Di was sure. But he couldn’t hear anything. The blood in his ears was loud and shrill. So loud, he couldn’t even hear his own heartbeat.
Ai Di wanted to assure Chen Yi that he was alright, but his throat was still closed up, all tense muscle and pain, making him unable to speak.
He couldn’t breathe.
Ai Di felt Chen Yi’s touch on him more firmly as the older one spun him around.
Ai Di knew it was Chen Yi above him, but his vision was blurry and dark. Shadows started to creep into his vision and it caused his chest to clench up even further.
He couldn’t breathe.
This was stupid. This was so stupid.
This was Chen Yi. His Chen Yi. So why…?
His throat was burning. His chest, too. And his arms hurt.
Ai Di wanted to reach up, to wrap his arms around Chen Yi, to reassure himself that it was him. To feel him. Smell him.
But all he managed was to wrap his fingers tightly around Chen Yi’s underarm, where it rested against the side of his chest.
“Breathe, Ai Di!” he heard Chen Yi’s voice through the noise in his head.
And the recognition of Chen Yi’s low timbre loosened his throat enough to draw in a painful breath.
Chen Yi leaned down, his face only inches from Ai Di’s as he cradled the smaller’s face in his huge hands.
“It’s okay, Ai Di,” he reassured. “I’m here. You’re okay. Breathe for me. Come on.”
Ai Di felt hot tears trailing down his temples and pooling where Chen Yi’s fingers sat firmly against his skin. At Chen Yi’s gentle encouragement, he drew in another painful breath that set his lungs on fire.
Then another.
All the while, Chen Yi coaxed him gently.
Slowly, Ai Di’s muscles unclenched, his body tingling in the absence of the immense tension it suffered before. It made Ai Di feel dizzy and tired.
“You’re doing good, Ai Di.” Ai Di heard Chen Yi as his eyes finally focused enough again to actually see the older one above him. “You’re okay.”
Chen Yi’s face was reddened, his eyes wide with worry as he stared down at Ai Di, eyes flickering as he tried to read every little change of expression on Ai Di’s face.
“You’re okay,” he repeated again. And again. And it made Ai Di wonder if he said it really to him, or rather to reassure himself.
They stayed like this for several minutes, Chen Yi cradling Ai Di’s face and reassuring him of his safety, as the two of them just looked at each other.
“I’m okay,” Ai Di finally answered, his voice coarse and smaller than he wanted it to sound.
He squeezed where his fingers still wrapped around Chen Yi’s arm and swallowed the bitter taste that had pooled in his mouth.
It was Chen Yi’s turn to draw in a stuttering breath and Ai Di hated himself for the pained expression the older one wore.
Because it was his fault. He put it there.
Ai Di closed his eyes, more tears clinging to his lashes. “I’m sorry,” he whispered.
They had fun. They were intimate. It had been great.
And then he had ruined it.
All because of these stupid memories… All because his stupid head just couldn’t bury the past.
He finally had Chen Yi by his side. They were happy.
And Chen Yi was gentle with him since they got together. Sometimes more than Ai Di liked.
So how?
How could he even remotely connect Chen Yi’s touch with…
“I’m sorry,” he repeated again, a whine slipping from his throat as he tried to swallow the shame he felt.
“No,” Chen Yi countered firmly as he leaned down to press a soft kiss against Ai Di’s forehead. “I’m the one who’s sorry.”
Another kiss, this time to Ai Di’s left eye. Then the right.
Ai Di felt his chest tremble with suppressed sobs and Chen Yi must have done the same as his hand left Ai Di’s face, his strong arm pushing its way below Ai Di’s body to pull him into a tight hug.
His face buried in Chen Yi’s neck, Ai Di finally found his chest loosen and tiny sobs spilled from his lips. Chen Yi held him firmly against his chest and pressed soothing kisses into his temple.
“I’m sorry,” Chen Yi repeated. “I should have been more careful.”
Ai Di wanted to protest, assure him he did nothing wrong, but all he could do was shake his head into the wet crook of Chen Yi’s neck and wrap his arms tightly around him.
They stayed like this for a long time, holding onto each other, and Ai Di breathed in Chen Yi’s smell. Sweet, warm and slightly salty.
It smelled like home.
And it settled something in his chest, allowing him to breathe normally again.
Ai Di was grateful. Because Chen Yi didn’t blame him.
Because despite all his worry, he didn’t ask what was wrong with Ai Di. He didn’t ask what made him react like this. Didn’t ask for details or explanations.
He just understood.
Accepted.
And held onto Ai Di despite all of it.
When Ai Di slowly withdrew his head from Chen Yi’s neck, Chen Yi had shifted them to the side, so his cheek was resting on the older one’s biceps.
Chen Yi‘s fingers were still caressing his blond hair, and it made Ai Di feel warm and comfortable.
For a moment, the two of them just looked at each other, their eyes soft as they took in the other one’s face. Then Chen Yi leaned forward and pressed a kiss onto Ai Di’s nose, then his lips.
“Better?” he asked and Ai Di closed his eyes at the tangible rumble of Chen Yi’s voice against his own chests, vibrating against his ribs.
He nodded, a small smile pulling on the corners of his lips as he closed his eyes for a moment. “Yeah. Better,” he assured.
When he opened his eyes again, he found Chen Yi looking at him from up close, the older one’s eyes flickering from his lips to his eyes.
He looked relieved, but Ai Di knew him well enough to recognize the worried tension of his lips.
He had put that worry there.
“I’m sorry,” Ai Di started again, but Chen Yi cut him off with a sharp flick of a finger against his forehead.
Chen Yi clicked his tongue. “Stop apologizing,” he reprimanded and when Ai Di was about to protest, he bit him playfully in the tip of his nose.
“You did nothing wrong,” Chen Yi said pointedly, eyes looking at Ai Di with such intensity that the younger one couldn’t help but press his lips shut.
When Chen Yi’s expression didn’t lighten up, Ai Di sighed before giving a small, curt nod as an answer.
This finally seemed to do the trick as Chen Yi’s lips curled up into a smile and he leaned forward to kiss Ai Di.
When Chen Yi pulled back, it was Ai Di’s turn to lean forward and catch the older one’s lips with his. His fingers curling into the soft strands of hair on Chen Yi’s neck, Ai Di turned his head slightly to adjust for a better angle.
He licked against Chen Yi’s lips almost timidly and sighed out a small breath of relief when the older one opened his lips happily, tongue immediately greeting Ai Di’s with a playful push.
Their kiss started playful and sweet, but Ai Di quickly noticed the heat the taste of Chen Yi’s mouth made bloom again in his lower abdomen.
He definitely was getting hard again. And Chen Yi, pushing his hips into Ai Di’s, made sure to let him know that he wasn’t the only one.
Ai Di let out a breathy moan at the friction, and Chen Yi used the opportunity to lick deeper into the younger one’s mouth.
Knowing how to drive Ai Di crazy by now, Chen Yi teasingly licked the roof of the younger one’s mouth, making Ai Di’s gums tingle.
Chen Yi’s hands wandered, his fingers tracing Ai Di’s collar bones down over his chest to his nipples before tracing his ribcage.
Ai Di arched his back, pushing himself closer to the warmth of Chen Yi’s fingers. The honest reaction made Chen Yi smile, dimples showing on his cheeks that Ai Di immediately chased to cover with a kiss.
With a mixture or a huff and a laugh, Chen Yi grabbed Ai Di by his hips. Distracting the younger one with a heated kiss, Chen Yi turned them over so his tall frame pressed Ai Di’s back into the soft mattress below them.
Ai Di’s legs instinctively fell open, allowing Chen Yi to settle in tightly between them.
Chen Yi watched him with wide pupils as he rolled his hips, causing Ai Di to throw his head back in a silent moan, exposing his slender neck.
And Chen Yi didn’t even pretend to be unaffected by the sight: Immediately, he pounced on Ai Di, sucking what Ai Di was sure would be a sizable hickey into the left side of his neck.
The blond lifted his hands to Chen Yi’s back, his blunt fingernails digging sharply into the muscles there, causing Chen Yi to gasp at the sudden pain.
Chen Yi promptly retaliated with a small bite to Ai Di’s collarbone.
With a grin, Ai Di dug his nails even deeper into Chen Yi’s back, dragging them in an attempt to mark him up just as good as Chen Yi marked him.
Chen Yi’s hips buckled, his erection pressing hotly against Ai Di’s, causing both of them to moan hotly into each other’s neck. Ai Di was busy licking Chen Yi’s earlobe when the older one pulled Ai Di’s hands from his body to pin them above the smaller one’s head.
Once Ai Di’s hands hit the pillow above him, Chen Yi stilled for a moment. His pupils were still blown with desire, but his eyes searched Ai Di’s face carefully.
“Is this okay?” he asked and Ai Di felt a ping of guilt for making him ask.
He took a deep breath, exhaling the feeling of guilt to make space for the fondness he had for the man looming above him. With a smile, Ai Di gave a curt nod and lifted his head just enough to press a small kiss on Chen Yi’s lips.
And this seemed enough to melt the worried lines from Chen Yi’s face.
Chen Yi leaned down, catching Ai Di’s lips with his once, twice before moving on to kiss the corner of his mouth. Then his cheek. And chin. And down his neck.
Ai Di squirmed under the tenderness, hands still pinned above his head by one of Chen Yi’s firm hands, and turned his head to allow Chen Yi better access.
Chen Yi sucked another hickey into his skin, hard enough to make Ai Di gasp at the delicious pain.
His hips moved in stuttering circles, searching for more friction, more pleasure, more of Chen Yi. And he was sure he could feel Chen Yi’s lips curl into a smile against his skin as the older one slowly kissed his way lower.
Chen Yi teased Ai Di with some thorough licks over his sensitive left nipple, as his free hand drew absentminded patterns on his sides.
When Chen Yi’s fingers traced the outline of the scars on Ai Di’s rib cage, the younger one took a sharp breath, holding it as his eyes closed for a moment.
Chen Yi observed his reaction, his fingers soft and warm where they rested against the edge of the biggest of his scars. After a brief moment, Ai Di opened his eyes to look down at Chen Yi and he wasn’t sure how to read the older one’s expression.
There was sadness and a tinge of anger, but also worry and fondness and questions. And Ai Di felt that one day he needed to share the story behind his scars, physical and psychological alike, with Chen Yi.
He deserved to know.
But he was relieved that Chen Yi didn’t ask. Didn’t pressure.
Instead, Chen Yi’s lips curled up in a small, sad smile and he leaned down to press a reverent kiss onto the scar.
The gesture took Ai Di by surprise, making him draw in a sharp breath and close his eyes to fight against the sudden urge to cry. Not because he was hurt by Chen Yi’s actions. But because he loved this man.
He loved this stupid man with all his heart.
When Ai Di reopened his eyes, Chen Yi was right in front of him, a small smile playing on his lips as he gave Ai Di’s hands a reassuring squeeze.
“I love you,” Chen Yi stated, simple but firm, his eyes never leaving Ai Di’s and Ai Di’s chest warmed at the words.
“I love you, too,” he replied and it should have been scary how much he meant it, felt it in every fiber of his heart. But it wasn’t.
Chen Yi let go of Ai Di’s hands to fist Ai Di’s hair instead, pulling his head gently to the side to kiss him deeply. Their tongues were grappling for a while as Ai Di’s now free hands roamed Chen Yi’s body.
He ran his fingers over his back, revisiting the red lines his nails had painted on Chen Yi’s skin. Finding their way down Chen Yi’s back, Ai Di’s hands then moved on to his firm ass, up his sides and finally to his chest.
Ai Di loved the fact that he was allowed to touch Chen Yi like this now. Freely. Shamelessly.
Like no one else was allowed to.
And Chen Yi seemed to feel the same way about Ai Di’s body. He had always been hands-on with him, the only one allowed to yank and hug and carry Ai Di.
But where Ai Di used to protest, however artificially, in any of these situations and push him away, Chen Yi now was allowed to linger in his space.
And when it was just the two of them, Ai Di gave up any pretense and leaned into his touches wholeheartedly. Hungrily, even.
And Chen Yi visibly basked in that knowledge.
Same as he did just now, making sure to touch every inch of Ai Di’s chest, his tiny waist, his thighs, his ass.
Slowly, Chen Yi rubbed a finger between Ai Di’s ass cheeks, probing and giving Ai Di the chance to protest.
Ai Di loved him for being so considerate with him, while at the same time he felt the urge to hit him over the head to just get on with it.
As if to make a point, Ai Di moved his hips, gasping when the movement caused Chen Yi’s finger to rub directly over his entrance.
Chen Yi stilled for a moment and when Ai Di groaned at him in frustration, he found the other to look at him with dazed fondness in his eyes and a grin blooming on his lips.
And that was all it took to get both of them back into the action.
Chen Yi worked Ai Di open, carefully but with a frantic rush to his movements that drove Ai Di crazy with want.
One to take as well as he received, Ai Di’s fingers wrapped around Chen Yi’s length and worked him over in long, wet strokes. His movements were determined, only stuttered slightly whenever Chen Yi hit the right spot inside of him.
“That’s good enough,” he declared, when the desire in his lower belly grew too hot, and he caught Chen Yi’s lips between his teeth.
Chen Yi just chuckled. “Oh, yeah?” he teased, as he reached for the lube to slick himself up some more. “You think you’re ready for me?”
Ai Di huffed and impatiently slung his legs around Chen Yi’s hips.
“I’ve been ready for like 8 years,” he stated with an eyebrow raised. “Get with the program.”
Chen Yi laughed at that, one of his rare belly laughs and it made Ai Di’s face split with a smile. He bit his lip in a smile as he lined himself up.
“Your wish is my command, I guess,” he replied teasingly, and any comeback Ai Di had went out the window as the feeling of Chen Yi entering him made him throw back his head in a low, heady moan.
When Chen Yi was fully inside of him, Ai Di’s hand loosened slightly where he had gripped Chen Yi’s biceps.
“You feel so good,” he heard Chen Yi murmur against his collarbone and the reverential tone of the older one’s voice made warmth bloom in his chest.
Chen Yi’s sweaty head rested on Ai Di’s shoulder as if the sensation of feeling Ai Di around him made him lose the strength to keep himself up.
The thought made Ai Di giddy.
“I like this,” Ai Di admitted after a few seconds of just enjoying the feeling of feeling Chen Yi.
The older one lifted his head and looked at him, one eyebrow raised in a silent question.
“Being able to look at you,” Ai Di explained, and he suddenly felt embarrassed. Chen Yi just looked at him with, giving Ai Di time to explain further. Ai Di averted his eyes, somehow unable to meet Chen Yi’s gaze while laying his heart open.
“I like… You know… Seeing your face while we’re doing this.”
Chen Yi looked at him silently for a moment, his eyes searching Ai Di’s face. Then, his smile turned wider, and he leaned down to kiss Ai Di.
Once, twice, thrice on the mouth, before pulling back just enough to see Ai Di’s full face.
“Me, too,” he stated. “I like seeing you, too.”
He leaned down to nuzzle into Ai Di’s neck, pressing a wet kiss onto the younger one’s ear. Ai Di swore he felt the grin on Chen Yi’s face when he whispered “… Especially your face when you cum.”
Cheeks suddenly hot with embarrassment, he let out an indignant squeak and tensed his legs around Chen Yi, causing both of them to jolt and laugh.
“You’re insufferable!” Ai Di exclaimed as he playfully hit Chen Yi over the head, but the older one just laughed.
“That makes us two then, I guess.”
Before Ai Di could reply anything, Chen Yi shut him up with a twist of his hips that caused Ai Di’s breath to stutter.
When Ai Di finally came, his fingers tightened around Chen Yi’s where their hands were intertwined.
His back arched off the mattress, caged in by Chen Yi’s muscular body, while the older one looked down at Ai Di’s flushed face, smiling.
“I knew it,” he huffed. “Seeing you like this really is the best.”
Ai Di, still loose and dizzy from his orgasm, just shook his head, huffing out a laugh.
He placed both his hands on Chen Yi’s cheeks and looked up at him.
“Then I think it’s my turn now,” he announced. Chen Yi tilted his head slightly in confusion, causing Ai Di to roll his eyes.
He pushed Chen Yi deeper inside of him by his legs and clenched his muscles slightly to elicit a rumbling moan from the older one that made Ai Di grin in delight.
“It’s my turn to watch you come now.”
And Chen Yi certainly didn’t need much more prompting than that…