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He opened his eyes as she entered their shared tent and watched her remove her outer clothing. She caught his look and smiled.
“Did I wake you?” She took down her hair and crawled into the bedrolls they had pushed together. “Were you someplace wonderful?”
“No, not yet. I was only dozing.” He lifted an arm and she slid underneath, resting her head on his shoulder. “You surprised me earlier. Usually you just laugh at Sera.”
“Yes, I could have handled that better. I’ll apologize tomorrow.” Her tone was light, but the words winked out almost immediately, leaving the air in the tent heavier than before.
“Did you want children?” The experience of a thousand years in the Fade handling delicate negotiations and he blurts it out like an adolescent. Marvelous. “Had you wanted to have children before this all started?” he amended, hoping he could still salvage some of his dignity. She lay still and did not answer immediately. When she spoke, her voice was deliberately neutral.
“I hadn’t had a serious enough suitor to consider marriage or a family yet, but I assumed it would happen, one day.”
She was trying not to scare him and that grated on his nerves.
“You intend to go back to the Dalish afterwards, if we succeed?”
“Yes, most likely.”
“You’re wasted on them.”
“You think I should stay and pretend to be a politician?” She was annoyed, but that was better than listening to her walk on eggshells. “Thedas may accept an elven leader during a crisis, but once things have stabilized all the old prejudices are going to resurface. The humans will accuse me of favoring the elvhen in everything I do, and the elvhen will think I didn’t favor them enough. No, thank you. I’ll be more useful as a symbol or a legend.”
“You could be---more.” He gritted his teeth.
“I’ve done some good and I’m glad of it, but I’m not going to change the fate of our people overnight. That will likely take lifetimes, and I doubt we will achieve anything like what you saw in the Fade.”
“So resigned.”
She slid from under his arm and propped herself up on her palms, looking down at him.
“You have something else in mind? Perhaps you’d like me to unite the clans, rebuild Arlathan and restore the empire to its former glory after I’ve saved the world?” Her expression was incredulous. “You do realize that I’m not actually the chosen of any god, don’t you? That we’ve come this far is incredible; if by some miracle I survive Corypheus I’m going to consider my luck spent.”
You could be, he doesn’t say, and his jaw aches with the effort. You are the first spark I have seen come out of the Dales in centuries. You could be, do, so much more. He doesn’t imagine, just for a split second, seeing her crowned Queen---High Queen, even---with bright-eyed children---
No.
“You’re right, of course. I apologize. My ambition runs ahead of me sometimes.”
Finally she lay back down, but she did not seek his arm again.
“Besides, you said you aren’t staying either. You’ll go back to studying ruins and the Fade.”
Damn you.
“Yes.”
They fell asleep separately, but when he woke he found they had tangled themselves together again, and if he held her a little more tightly she did not object.