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Jason had a few things certain in his life, and by now had learned how to feel comfortable in the role of ‘the one who never got married.’
Another mindless fuck, the girl would sleep beside him. He would see no love in things. Except in his guitar; he would sit as he watched another failure unfold in front of his life, as his guitar gently wept.
He was also used to being eternally known for being part of the same band; he was slightly thankful for that, thankful for being known at all. So there he was, going to do another thing for the same old band.
He didn’t expect to have a woman be a part of the spoof; it made him take a step back. He was experienced, so he looked at her hand as if to look for a ring and listened to her phone calls as if to wait for her love confessions, but found none.
He could listen to sweet melodies sung only by a guitar and a voice when he looked at her, and felt that was a brilliant sign- the best sign he could get.
He had plans of Shakespeare plays and poetry, and he finally knew her enough to put them in action. She didn’t know how to deal with romance at all, as if she had never learned to play with love; as if she didn’t know where she was, as if she never belonged.
For the first time he saw himself trapped in the idea of someone, the idea of a relationship working. He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it.
And then he met David.
At a dinner, at Josephine’s house, he met the infamous David and felt the Earth moving under his feet; he felt every single one of his cells being set on fire and burning out.
Always learning, Jason was.
The first woman to ever take his breath away was taken. She was broken inside, perverted, twisted. She couldn’t see right from wrong anymore, she could only see her own heart’s desires; she could only feel her own wants and needs. It was as if she has been liberated, but she didn’t know to unfold her love because it had been misplaced way before he got in the picture.
Catherine was brilliant; she was wonderful, as long as you ignored the fact that it was an open secret, it was hidden in plain sight that she was so completely in love with someone already.
Jason was used to playing games, always the same old games. He could get the women he wanted whenever he wanted. With Catherine he got Christmas shopping, watching horrible movies while cuddling, and a sense of security.
And with that also came a sense of non-belonging that oozed from her and affected everyone she ever got in a relationship with. At least that’s how he saw it.
She was very good at hiding her feelings, at making him feel special when she was with him; she was perfect at making everything look like it was the best thing that had ever happened to him. The saddest part was that it was the best fucking thing that had ever happened to him.
She would soon leave for LA, which was something that he saw as a blessing; when two people were connected by a blinding, almost teenage passion as those two seemed to be, distance was great. Distance made the heart grow fonder, but made feelings grow. Passions like that didn’t survive maturing.
That was until the day of David’s marriage. She didn’t go to the wedding and she didn’t leave the house. She didn’t eat. She sat there, in the living room, cracking jokes and talking about a stupid song she heard on the radio earlier that week. Catherine was brilliant, but on that day she looked hollow. She felt hollow too.
They talked and he could see in her eyes she hoped he couldn’t see past her walls. He hugged her, and she smiled into his shirt. A few days later she left and he stayed in London, being consumed with dark thoughts as his guitar gathered dust.
The first night of her in LA she called, and she was sweet and funny. It drove him to a PUB, and Jason was always very comfortable with being Mr. Single.
Another mindless fuck; the girl sleeping beside him had blonde hair, but he was more into gingers these days.
On the following week he started feeling as hollow as she looked on December 30th. He debated on what to do as he woke up with another woman beside him in his bed.
So he called her.
“Hey, Jason why are you…”
“I can’t do this anymore.”
“Are you breaking up with me over the phone?” Her voice sounded little and broken, just like he knew she was deep inside.
“Have you ever heard about the chaos theory? Sometimes I feel like no one alerted you that everything you do affects everyone around you. Everything. Everyone, Catherine.”
“How did you-“
“You should carry a mirror and look at your own face whenever he’s near. I think no one told you about that either”.
He hung up, picked up his guitar, sat on his couch and wept.