Chapter Text
Nick had always dreamed of moving to New York, he just never thought he’d actually get the opportunity.
After working independently on animation for 2 years post-graduation, he got the email of his dreams; a prestigious American animation studio had seen his work and wanted him on their team.
Nick was excited at first, but when he looked up their website and saw that they were located in New York, NY, he just about lost his marbles. He screamed so loud that Sand came out of his room and begged him to stop, or they’d get noise complaints. But, after Nick showed him the email, he was shaking Nick’s shoulders and screaming as well (quieter, but still).
Nick immediately texted the group chat to meet at his house. They all arrived within a couple hours, and when he finally dropped the news, Chueam yelled so loud you would have thought she was being murdered. Nick was dragged into a slightly uncomfortable but joyous group hug.
The night was going well, until it wasn’t.
They were having a lively conversation, all except Ray slightly buzzed (Sand had sacrificed one of the bottles he was going to sell), when Ray asked,
“Didn’t Boston move to New York?”
The smile on Nick’s face dropped, and the light chatter of side conversations faded out into a tense silence.
Even though Nick had no hard feelings–it had been 2 years and they ended on fine terms–Nick still felt his stomach drop at Boston’s name. Truthfully, he had remembered about Boston when he realized he could be moving to New York, but he shoved his feelings and memories far, far down. He didn’t want his past to get in the way of his future.
After about 30 seconds of painfully awkward silence, Nick finally said, “Oh…yeah. Forgot about that.”
Everyone had this look on their faces, almost like pity, and it made Nick wince. He sunk farther into his sofa, hoping someone would change the subject so he wouldn’t have to think about it anymore.
“It’ll be fine. New York is a big city; you probably won’t see him at all,” Chueam said, patting him on the shoulder reassuringly.
“Yeah…” Nick didn’t know if he felt better or worse after her suggestion. The idea of being so close to Boston for the first time in years was…off putting. He didn’t know if he’d be able to cope with being just minutes away from his lost love, but never actually reconnecting. He knew it was a bad idea, but that didn’t stop him from imagining the way Boston might ask him about the hostel, might hug him, might kiss him like he did so long ago.
Or maybe he had moved on, and never wanted to see Nick again. Somehow that idea felt worse.
Someone changed the subject and his friends kept talking, but their voices faded, Nick drowning in his thoughts.
***
A month later, Nick had forgotten about Boston again. He was so busy coordinating everything for his move and preparing for his new job that he didn’t have much time to think. It was only when he set foot in New York City at 5 AM, sitting on a bench waiting for his Uber, that it really hit him. He is in the same city as Boston. He is going to live the rest of his life minutes away from Boston. Fuck.
He ignored the feeling of dread and took out his phone to take a picture for his friends. He held his phone up and snapped a photo of himself. (In the back of his mind, he remembered when he had taken a photo at a similar angle on Boston’s phone.) Suddenly the sun felt too hot, and his exhaustion from the 20 hour flight kicked in. He reached into his backpack to take out his water bottle, and had just got done taking a long sip when his Uber arrived.
Nick’s apartment was tiny. And expensive. Just like every other apartment in New York. He could barely fit his mattress and dresser in his bedroom without making it suffocatingly cramped.
After the longest day of his life, Nick threw himself on his couch, intending to just rest his back before making dinner, but instead fell asleep in seconds.
When he woke up, it was 11 PM, and his stomach was growling like he hadn’t eaten in days. Nick groaned as he sat up, relishing in the satisfying pop of his bones as he stretched. He got up to go grab some food, then remembered he didn’t have any groceries yet. He almost decided to just lay back down and sleep through the night, but his stomach was screaming at him.
Instead of going out and buying groceries to make a meal, he just walked across the street to a local Chinese place to get takeout. He decided to take a short walk to the park, eating some rice on his way, then sat down at a picnic table to eat and do some sight-seeing.
New York wasn’t magical like the movies, but it was still absolutely beautiful. The bright lights of buildings and skyscrapers illuminated the night, and the city was very much still alive despite it being close to midnight.
He also did some people-watching. He saw some people speed-walking, probably rushing to get home after a long day of work, some people in groups dressed up with plenty of skin showing, probably headed to the club, and even some couples, holding hands and laughing in a sickeningly sweet manner.
Even though Nick was seeing so much life , he still felt a little dead without all his closest friends.
He took a picture of the city lights and sent it to his friend’s group chat, knowing it was around morning time for them. The photo also captured a few people walking around the park, and Nick didn’t think anything of it at first. But as he zoomed in, one of the faces felt oddly familiar. He looked up, and surely enough, leaning on a tree laughing with some guy, was Boston.
Nick felt sick to his stomach. He couldn’t tell if it was because he saw Boston, or because he saw Boston with a guy , being all flirtatious like he used to be with him. He hoped, for his sanity, that it was the former. For a second, Nick thought about going up to them, about how Boston might be happy to see him, but he knew his fantasies about him were just that– fantasy . Nick put his head down and scarfed down the rest of his pork fried rice.
Just as he was about to get up and flee to his apartment, Boston and the guy started to walk in his direction. Nick felt his heart start to beat out of his chest. He pulled out his phone and slouched down, pretending to text someone. He heard a small bit of their conversation, a mix of Thai and English, as they passed him. His shoulders tensed even more. They were talking about some photography project, which wasn’t incriminating in itself, but the way Boston was talking was eerily familiar. Sweet.
Nick’s heart sank to his stomach. That guy was probably Boston’s boyfriend. And Nick, for some reason, felt like that was the worst thing imaginable.
***
It felt like Boston was haunting him. More like the idea of Boston; what his new life was like, where he lived, his job.
His boyfriend.
One week in New York City, and Nick was already wishing he had stayed in Thailand.
At least his new job was nice. The manager was treating him well, his first assignment was a breeze, and his coworkers were quite outgoing. They invited him to a company dinner after his first day, and they all seemed to like him pretty well.
Another pro of New York was that there were so many more queer people. Back in Thailand, he had his group, his little bubble of queers, but outside of that he didn’t know of a whole lot of people like him. In New York, it was like his gaydar was always going off, and he actually ended up making some friends pretty quickly that way.
Of course, no one could replace his friends back in Thailand. They had been bombarding him with questions, begging to call and updating on how things are going without him. It was hard to find time to call with the timezones, but he was planning to call them after dinner that day.
He had a long day at work–tech problems–but managed to be in a good enough mood to make a home-cooked meal. Granted, he was broke, so his home-cooked meal was Kraft mac-n-cheese, but it was delicious nonetheless.
After he finished eating and washed his dishes, Nick texted the group chat to see if they were all available to call. They all responded fairly quickly and enthusiastically, and Nick saw his wide smile reflected in the black of his phone screen as he dialed them.
“ Nick! ” Sand yelled, apparently the first one to pick up. “How does it feel being a New Yorker?”
“Hi Sand, so far it’s pretty awesome! My apartment is kinda shitty though,” Nick responded. “Actually, how about I turn on my camera and give you guys a tour?”
Chueam and Top, who had joined a few seconds after Sand, begged him to show them his apartment, Top probably wanting to critique his design choices.
Nick turned on his camera and showed them around. Although half the house was still covered in boxes he had yet to unpack and his mattress was still on the floor, they still thought it looked comfy. Top said his color scheme could use some work, but Nick just laughed him off.
“Hey Nick, since you gave us a tour of your apartment, why don’t you give us a tour of the city as well?” Mew asked.
“I’m not your virtual tour guide.”
“Come on, Nick, please . The photos you’ve been sending are so pretty, I need to see more!” Chueam joined in. All the others joined in as well, begging him, and eventually he gave in.
“Alright, fine. I’ll take you guys on a walk down some streets near my house,” Nick said, and his friends cheered. He wished they would turn their cameras on as well so he could see their excited faces.
He wished they would turn their cameras on even more when he actually started to show off the city. Their dramatic reactions to every little detail were comical. Even as they ooh -ed and ahh -ed at the scenery, they still begged for Nick to show them more.
“That store looks so fancy! Can you please go in and show us?” Chueam asked, and Nick laughed and shook his head.
“That would be weird. I can’t just walk into some fancy store with you guys, especially not when I’m dressed this casual,” Nick replied. “I could probably find some other store to show you, though.”
Nick looked around for a store that wouldn’t be too weird to show off. A couple feet in front of him, he saw what looked like a tech store. He did need a new drawing pen, since his was being finicky at work that morning. Plus, people probably went in there and filmed or chatted on the phone all the time. It was a tech store, after all. Nick turned his phone volume down a bit and pushed open the double doors of the shop.
Thankfully for him, the store was fairly busy. In the front were big displays of iPhones, then iPads to the right, and computers to the left. Behind those displays were some speakers, then cameras. Finally, in the back of the store, he found what he was looking for.
His friends complained that he’d picked a boring store, since he had previously worked at a tech shop and it was nothing they had never seen before. Nick defended himself by explaining how he needed a new pen, but they still complained in his ear. Nick rolled his eyes and ignored them.
Just as he picked out a pen and turned to go check out, a voice yelled out,
“Nick, is that you?”
Nick’s eyes darted around, searching for the source of the yell, when he locked eyes with none other than Boston. Nick thought God must hate him, to keep putting him in situations like this.
“Sorry guys, I’ll call you back in a bit,” Nick said to his phone, and hung up. When he finished putting his phone away, Boston had come closer. Nick felt the air thicken as he approached.
“Ton…!” Nick said, avoiding eye contact.
“What the hell are you doing here? I thought I’d never see you again.” To Nick’s surprise, Boston was smiling at him. It made him feel uneasy.
“Remember how I told you I wanted to move here to work on animation?”
“Yeah, I thought you were just saying that because you wanted to come with me. I didn’t expect you to actually come here.”
“I told you when you asked that I wanted to move here for myself. So I did.” As the topic of their past came up, the air became so tense you could cut it with a knife
“Yeah…Good for you, man,” Boston replied with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
They both went silent. For a brief moment, they made eye contact, then immediately turned away. Nick was just about to say goodbye when Boston blurted out,
“It’s nice to see you again.”
Nick’s mouth twisted into an involuntary grin. He hid his face in his shoulder. He could not let himself get back into this.
Against his best interests, Nick found himself whispering, “It’s nice to see you, too.” He pretended to not hear the sigh Boston let out after.
Nick tried to reason with himself. Nick and Boston were over, but maybe being friends again wouldn’t be so bad.
“So, what have you been doing the past couple years? Still doing photography?” Nick tried being casual, just friendly .
“Yeah, that’s actually why I’m here.” He held up a polaroid camera. “Trying out something new.”
“Have you tried out a lot of new things since you came?” Nick knew he was getting into bad territory, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself from wondering.
“Ha, ha,” Boston replied, deadpan. “Honestly, I’m not like that anymore. Just a few boyfriends, no fuck buddies, but nothing has really lasted that long.”
Boyfriends. Nick shuttered at the word. But maybe it wasn't so bad. Maybe Boston wasn't so bad anymore.
Pushing his thoughts away, Nick replied, “Of course they didn't last. Who'd want to date an asshole like Ton?”
Boston just grinned, and Nick mirrored his expression.
“Have you been dating back in Thailand?” Boston asked, biting his lip.
Nick stayed silent for a good 10 seconds, then finally replied, “No. Been working on myself.”
That was a lie. He had been working on himself, but about a year after Boston left, Nick started dating again. He went back to Dan, but they didn't work out. Something about Nick being distant when they hung out. Then he started fucking around with guys at the bar, but they never treated him well. Always treated him like their sex doll and nothing more.
Boston just clicked his tongue in response, nodding.
“So, what part of the city are you living in?” Boston asked.
“Just a couple streets down from here, actually.” He hoped he didn't regret telling him that. “My place is kinda shitty, but it's home now.”
Boston let out a low chuckle. “I get it. I've been living here for years and yet I still can't afford anything nice. You should see my place.”
Nick swallowed. Was that an invitation? He wasn't sure if he wanted it to be or not.
Like he was reading Nick’s mind, Boston said, “That was an invitation, if you're not too busy. We should catch up.”
Against his better judgment, Nick nodded yes. When their eyes met again, Nick felt a familiar sensation, a familiar passion , that left him with heat pooling in his stomach.
All rational thoughts left his brain. He forgot about Boston’s probably-boyfriend. He forgot about the consequences of what he was about to do. He almost forgot to pay for his drawing pen, as well. He just followed Boston to his apartment and ignored how jittery he was feeling, the shaking of his hands and the beating in his chest.
When Boston unlocked his door and led Nick in, the jitters left in an instant. This was familiar.
With his newfound coordination, Nick threw an arm around Boston’s nape, shutting and locking the door with his other hand, and closed the distance.
Maybe him and Boston couldn't be friends again, but Nick liked it better that way.
—
Boston knew he was making a mistake.
He knew it was a mistake the moment he walked up to Nick in that store. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold back.
As Nick licked his lips and then into his mouth, Boston felt right at home again. He relaxed, letting Nick take the lead, relishing in the familiarity of his soft lips, his scent, the way his waist felt under his fingertips.
In the back of his mind he knew what he was doing was kind of fucked up. He had a boyfriend. He was falling back into old habits.
Guilt wracked him and sent a chill up his body–or maybe it was the way Nick was inching his fingers closer to his waistband.
But he couldn't stop. He couldn't let Nick go again. He had to have him–even if it was just for the night. And that's what he told himself: This is just for tonight. One last time.
Then Nick’s hand finally went under his boxers, and Boston stopped thinking.