Archive of Our Own

Derek woke up and for once, there was no nightmare plaguing his mind. He wasn't entirely surprised by that fact anymore, because it tended to happen more and more often lately – he just wasn't sure what to think of it all. The nightmares were a part of him for such a long time, dating all the way back to the fire, that not having them every night seemed somehow weird to him, unsettling.

And then there was the other thing – the fire. There, he did it again. He let his thoughts skim over the term and ended up baffled, that he actually did not feel the need to curl up under the bunk and be reduced to a crying bundle of desperation. When did it became normal for him to think about it all without wanting to punch a hole into the wall?

He guessed one would call that an improvement and it probably kind of was, if weren't it for the fact, that he was pretty much betraying his whole pack, living on like a normal person, even though he practically killed them all on that fated morning. But it seemed like the universe was making fun of him by not acknowledging that fact at all.

For years he waited for the punishment that never came. He wished for the sheriff to turn up on his doorstep, handcuff him and send him to jail for the rest of his life, depriving him of the moon to slowly die in agony, a shadow of his former self. He wished for the hunters to track him down and finish him off mercilessly or preferably after a really long and painful torture session. He wished for Laura to strangle him in his sleep. But none of that came of course, because nobody except him knew of all the crimes he committed and he was too much of a coward to confess it.

So what other choice did he have? He managed to keep the guilt at bay for two long years, living an empty life. He had watched Laura flit around New York, as if nothing bad has ever happened to them back in Beacon Hills. As if it was just a long-forgotten bad dream. But he endured... not caring about anything, not letting himself enjoy a single small thing, because what other choice did he have? It was not like he could just take the justice into his own hands and punish himself... Well, that was until he realized that that was exactly what he could do. It was actually his only option at that time, wasn't it? Who else but him could decide what would be the accurate punishment for all his sins? His Alpha should have done that, of course, but his Alpha was his sister and not even she knew any of it. Not a single thing did he relay to her, scared of admitting the truth and seeing the disappointment and disgust in her eyes. She was his only living pack member after all and even though one might think he was being selfish, he could not bring himself to hurt her in such a way. Definitely not, if she was succeeding where he failed in life.

And so he decided to do it all by himself... it might sound like he developed a serious case of suicidal tendencies, but it wasn't about that to him, oh no, it really wasn't, because that would mean he had considered himself alive at that time, which was as far from the truth as it could get. His body might have been highly functional on a biological level, but his mind was long gone. It died watching his pack being consumed by the ferocious flames and as his pack died, so did he.

Thinking like this, he was obviously convinced his intentions were just about justice at that time. An eye for an eye you might call it, weren't it for the fact, that Derek only owned one pair of eyes, so he could in no way make up for all of those he conspired to ruin through the fire. For all those he ended up killing, letting them all turn into ashes in agonizing pain...

Yes, that's right, he was a murderer, a mass murderer at that and that was why he needed to be punished. It was only logical to him all those years ago. And what better way to do it, then to use his favorite way of killing werewolves – the fire. That was his modus operandi after all – setting the ones he loved the most on fire. Let the skin, muscle and every other particle of their living bodies burn and burn until there was nothing left, until even their bones turned into dust... until their cries died out turning into ghostly echoes.

Derek took a deep breath in, exhaling loudly, as he turned his body to lie on the back. The moon was shining onto his bed through the tiny window in between the bunks and he watched the minuscule dust particles swirl in it's light, trying to calm himself. He really did not like to reminiscent about that one night he decided to put himself on fire and almost managed to kill himself in a desperate attempt for redemption.

He really didn't like to think about it, but the memory tended to have it's way of resurfacing through the thick layers of ice he constructed around his mind, especially after a peaceful night like this one has been. It did not only break through the barrier like an icebreaker, but it also displayed itself right in front of him like a grotesque caricature of his own self – a disgusting mess of blood and burns and quilt.

Thinking about it all now, as he lay on his bed bunk surrounded by the gently beating hearts of werewolves, he knew it had been a stupid idea - he did not deserve to die back then, because that would mean a swift end. It would have ended this punishment, that was his life. It would have stopped the pain, it would have rendered the quilt useless, it would have given him peace, but he did not deserve that. And that's why he had to keep on living. He had to live every fucking second remaining of his miserable life and think of all the horrible things he caused and also suffer, preferably a lot.

Except he did not realize this all those years ago. He could only think of one single thing after the fire and that was: His pack was dead, then why shouldn't he be too? If there hasn't been that stupid mountain ash barrier around the house at that time, he would have jumped inside without a second thought – right after he saw what was happening. He would have tried to save them or he would have gladly died trying... and if he could, he have even go, find her and beg for death. But there was no point in thinking about things that might have happened, in wishing that they really did happen. It was too late for that now, too late for everything...

And that was when a voice startled him out of his dark thoughts – a barely audible whisper from the bunk opposite of his. “Wanna go for a run?”

He blinked, turning his head to the right to peak over the edge of his pillow at Leo. The werewolf was lying on his side, tucked underneath his blanket like a little baby, his eyes staring at him with that knowing look, with moon reflecting inside them through that dim golden glow that signified his position in the pack. Derek could feel his eyes starting to respond with a similar glow, but he forced the reaction inside his irises into submission with a few rapid blinks, because their color was like a crude confession.

Leo's eyebrows rose higher and higher as he waited for a response and Derek knew he was not allowed to refuse, not when Leo was the one asking. And so he nodded, freeing himself from the tangled mess made out of his huge blanket and pulled himself from the bed bunk, careful not to hit his head on the metal construction forming the base of a second bunk right above him.

He sat on the mattress for a few seconds longer, rubbing the sleep and the unshed tears from his eyes while Leo got out of the bed, his naked form slipping from under the covers. Derek watched him stand up and walk to one of the chairs across the room, where his clothes lay folded with a military precision and then decided to follow his example and put on some clothes too.

He patted over the tiled floor to his own chair, clad in his boxers and snatched up his jeans, pulling them over his hairy legs and then leaned over to pick up his shirt too. That was pretty much all he needed, not counting the boots that were lined up in front of the house, because even though it was quite chilly outside, he knew he would not get cold no matter what he wore.

In fact, werewolves usually went out for a run naked. It was really the most convenient for them, since they always turned into wolves anyways and clothes would only end up being in the way. It was only when they went for a run with Derek that they put on their clothes though, because Derek...well, he was flawed, broken – he could not turn anymore no matter how much he tried, no matter how much his Alpha helped him, no matter how much other weres encouraged him. He just couldn't do it. He was stuck in his human form or the Beta in-between. Just thinking of it made him feel sick and...

There was a clatter from the right and he snapped out of his thoughts once again, whirling around to watch Leo's chair roll on the ground. His exhale was joined by a few annoyed growls and whines from the bunks.

“You're noisy as hell, you fucker,” Seth muttered from the upper bunk situated above Derek's and threw a pillow in Leo's direction. The said werewolf just grinned and snatched it from the air, hurling it back at the huddled form hidden underneath a mass of blankets.

“It's already morning anyways. I did you a favor, Seth,” Leo rolled his eyes, leaning down to pick up the fallen chair. He pulled it upright in one swift motion and started to pick up his scattered pieces of clothing. Derek walked over and handed him the shirt that flew way to far for him to reach.

“Fuck you very much,” Seth growled, snatching the pillow that landed on his back and pulled it over his head, snuggling in deeper into his bed sheets. His growl was followed by a collective sigh from all the other bunks and Derek noticed the slight change in all their heartbeats, which meant that the falling chair probably ended up waking them up. He glanced suspiciously at Leo, because he was not the one to be clumsy like that, but the other werewolf just shrugged and continued to fold his clothes.

“Well since you're all up,” Leo ventured, when he was finished with his task. “Wanna go for a run with us?”

Derek doubted they were all up at that moment, having either fallen back to sleep or in Ben's case not waking up at all. Even if the chair was loud enough to wake up a hybernating bear during the winter, Ben was the type that could sleep through an hour long atomic bombing - nothing could wake that man up, nothing except his Alpha's voice and the smell of roasting bacon.

“So wanna go or not?” Leo repeated, leaning onto his chair, which started to tilt dangerously, the chimney of his nicely folded clothes tilting slightly, ready to tip over at any given moment.

“Duuude, we're weres!” Robert exclaimed in frustration, pulling the blanket over his face.

“So...is that a yes?” Leo wondered, pushing away from his chair to walk to Robert's bed. He grabbed the edge of his blanket and started to pull it off lightly, but it did not bulge.

“One word, you bastard, one word: instant abs!” Seth growled from the other side of the room and Derek turned his head to watch the blankets move around the bed in an agitated motion. Actually the whole room was starting to smell slightly of annoyance and he would have left already to avoid any confrontation, weren't it for the fact that Leo was still hanging around.

“Those were actually two words,” Leo corrected his pack mate, letting go of Robert's blanket after almost being kicked in the head. “Plus if you don't use those moon-given abs of yours, you will end up in one hell of a pain during the next transformation.”

“I don't give a shit,” Seth muttered in a sleepy voice, already halfway to the dreamland.

“It's totally worth it,” agreed Robert, turning around to face the wall.

“Yeah,” sighed Arthur, who was pretty much silent this whole time, although Derek knew by the sound of his heart, that he was not asleep anymore and unlikely to fall asleep again.

He understood the dilemma here though. It was just that they really did not enjoy running in their human form and did not feel like rubbing their transformation abilities into Derek's face...that was pretty much the only reason they refused to run with them in the morning. It was only Leo who joined him every once in a while. Otherwise he went for a run all alone in a false hope to clear his thoughts.

“Suit yourself,” Leo shrugged, beckoning Derek to follow him outside, which he did almost immediately.

~o~

The air outside was chilly, but neither of them cared, as they bolted into the darkness, running between the trees behind the old farm house they all slept in. But of course it would not be right to say it was dark outside, because they were in fact supernatural beings, who had no problem seeing through any kind of darkness that would be created by the absence of the sun. And so Derek scanned their surroundings as he ran behind Leo, watching the small animals scatter when they entered the forest.

He smelt the moss covering the trees, the poisonous mushrooms growing nearby under those dry bushes, felt the chilly breeze caress the exposed skin on his face trying to get underneath his clothes to cool him down, but his muscles were working way too hard for that to happen. He pushed them to move faster and pulled ahead of Leo, who panted slightly to keep up with his pace.

Their breath was visible in the air, but they did not stop to survey it. They ran...and Derek lost himself in the feeling of the forest around him, desperately wishing he could change his form and turn into a wolf, to run mindlessly through the trees, led by instincts solely, feel the dirt beneath his paws, let his tongue loll out of his mouth, fold his ears to his head to run even faster, let his tail swish behind him...

He felt his eyes glow with want, felt his bones shift in unease beneath his skin and he pushed at them with his might, just the way he used to when he was a child, wanting it to work this time, only this once, praying to the moon that it would grand him this one wish... but nothing happened and he remained trapped in his human form, his muscles burning with extortion.

Defeated by his own mind, he slowed down and then stopped completely. Leo ran past him in a frenzy of movements jumping over a huge tree stump with a short howl of elation, but Derek could not appreciate the sentiment of running right now. It hurt knowing he could not change anymore, because of that fucking wall of quilt separating him from his wolf. He hated that wall with all his heart, but at the same time, he knew he deserved it to remain there for the rest of his life. It was a remainder...a remainder of what he had done. Of what he could not bring back.

He watched Leo circle the nearby clearing and then turn around to run back to him, obviously noticing that his companion still didn't move a muscle, but Derek did not feel like talking about any of this, so he turned and ran back for the farm house, rushing to stay ahead of the other werewolf who did not try to catch up to him. His breath echoed always at least ten paces behind Derek, acknowledging his personal space and for that he was grateful.

He enjoyed the silence Leo was able to keep even though he wasn't the type to be silent for too long. But in these kind of situations, when the misery must have been rolling off Derek in strong waves, he shut his mouth and let him brood for as long as he wanted, remaining on the edge of Derek's perception like a solid column, that he could lean on if he wished to. Not that he would allow himself to do so, but it was nice to know that he could. It was nice to know that he had at least something resembling a pack at times like these.

Of course he still had Laura, his Alpha and his sister, but what they had was far from ideal. It was not a real pack, no, not really, it was just... Derek did not know how to call it, because he had never heard about a situation like theirs occurring elsewhere in the supernatural world. But he was glad to have it - that little almost-pack of theirs, even if the sentiment was a little too bittersweet.

He was hit by a sudden wave of nostalgia, wishing for Laura to be here. This was the longest he's been ever separated from his Alpha and he was starting to fear he will get lost in himself, if there is no one to order him to keep it together.

That was when Leo caught up to him, his presence calming Derek down marginally and he glanced over at the other werewolf thankfully, but Leo ignored him focused solely on running. This was why Leo was expected to become the next Alpha of the Mitchell pack. He was not only the oldest son of the current Alpha, which mostly helped, but he was pretty much the most suited werewolf for such a position – caring and protective. Even of Derek who was technically only under the protection of the his pack and not necessarily a pack member per se.

It was only thanks to Laura, who begged Leo's father to take Derek in for the time being, while they traveled with their company for the work, so that he would not be in danger of slipping into the Omega status, because that would probably kill him. It was after all one of the biggest fears any werewolf had – to become a lone wolf, to sink so far under, that there would be no escape from the status, no one to answer your howl, no one to...

Was that how Peter felt? Derek wondered suddenly, his thoughts slipping in a totally different direction. Peter... sitting in his chair in the hospital for all those years, remaining motionless and lifeless, without a pack... Derek cringed internally thinking of his uncle, who smelt more like an Omega now than their own pack member.

He wished there was something he could do about it, because that was also his fault, but Laura did not wish to talk about it. No matter how many times he started the conversation, she remained distant, allowing them to visit him every two years and then leaving their uncle all alone in that town, surrounded by ignorant humans.

Derek could not imagine how Peter was feeling about all that deep inside and he secretly wished to never know, hoping his uncle was really as emotionless as the doctors had always said.

~o~

The sun was already touching the treetops, when they came back to the farm house and judging by the fact that all of the other guys were already pacing impatiently in front of the shed that stood near the driveway, they must have missed the breakfast too leaving them only a few minutes before the planed departure.

Derek's face morphed into a guilty grimace, frowning and glaring in his freaky default setting, as he headed to the shed to pick up his chainsaw. Luckily he already cleaned it and sharpened it yesterday, so there wasn't anything else for him to do. Just lift it and head for the truck waiting in the driveway.

“Where the fuck is Leo?” Seth asked, when Derek came out of the shed, the chainsaw hanging by his side. Derek jerked his head in the direction of the house, ignoring the lingering smell of arousal from the other werewolf. Just because he knew, that Seth jerked off in the shower this morning did not mean he needed to react to it in any kind of way. They were all used to little to no privacy. It was pretty much a given among werewolves.

“Am just getting some breakfast,” came a voice from inside the house and guys around him growled in a mixture of impatience and annoyance. But nobody said anything, waiting patiently by the vehicles.

It was just two minutes later, when Leo walked out of the farm house with an apple in his mouth, his teeth locked tightly around it. There was one more in his hand. He threw it into Derek's direction automatically and Derek snatched it out of the air, nodding in thanks even though he didn't exactly feel hungry.

He bit into the apple anyways though, loading his chainsaw and some other equipment into the back of the truck and then climbed into the second car, which was already crammed with four other werewolves. Leo sat behind the steering wheel, glancing forlornly at his shiny black Camaro. It was parked securely under the nearby oak.

He never took it up into the woods, because not only would it probably not make it through the terrain, but it was also too expensive to use for such trips. That never stopped him from looking sad before leaving for the site and Derek kinda shared his sentiment - it was a nice car indeed. Such kind of a car, that Peter would have loved to have...

“We need to finish cleaning up the area today, guys,” Leo said, knowing full well, that the werewolves following them in the truck would hear the conversation as well, if they strained their ears hard enough. “Possible?”

“I guess so,” Ben muttered from the back, staring sleepily out of the window.

“I think we'll actually be done earlier than planed,” Arthur nodded, humming in contempt. “We are ahead of the schedule after all.”

“Great, that's what I wanted to hear,” Leo grinned, leading the car up the muddy road. The wheels skidded over the bumpy road full of stones and mud, leaving a deep track in the ground and Derek turned his face to the window, watching the trees pass them by.

He tuned out the ongoing conversation as he always did, knowing full well that they will not bother him, since he could bet he was emitting so much depression into the air, that no wolf would ever want to start a conversation with him right now. Sometimes it was indeed good to be surrounded by supernatural beings who could tell exactly what was going on inside your head.

And so they rode up the hill, with Derek silently staring out of the window, trying to shove the memory of yet another unsuccessful transformation to the back of his mind.

~o~

Derek got himself lost in the work once again - find a tree in the marked area which was supposed to be cut down, slice out the notch on one side to direct the tree in the right direction, make a felling cut on the other to trigger the fall itself, ram the wedge into it and once it begins to tip, walk out of the range, watching it fall down. Then walk back and cut off all the branches, chain the logs to the machinery and let them pull it down the hill onto a pile of logs. One tree after another, letting the hours pass.

It was a good work, rewarding. Not because he got payed for it, which was a good benefit of any job, but because he was able to shut down his brain completely and concentrate solely on the job at hand. No depressing thoughts, no sad reminiscing, no sad memories – just a tree that needs to be cut down efficiently and safely.

He was good at manual labor, his muscles relishing in the strain even more, because he could not transform into a wolf. It was like they wanted to be pushed all the way over the edge, but could not, so they were eager to do as much as they could to make up for it.

He was in the middle of cutting down his third tree that day, when Leo walked by wiping the sweat away under his helmet with his protective gloves. Yes, they were all werewolves there, so they technically did not need any of the safety gear items, but just try to imagine how that would look like if the contractor would see them all cutting trees without the protection, hefting up heavy trees and what not...yeah, not so good if they wanted to stay incognito. And so they did everything as normal people would. They wore protective gear, they used machinery for the heavy lifting and they stopped working before sundown.

Leo stopped near Derek, putting his chainsaw on the ground and surveyed the section under them which was mostly empty of trees. They would clean up the cut off branches in the afternoon and then plant new trees instead of those they cut down as they always did, but for now the area remained weirdly empty and unnatural, considering they were in the middle of a forest.

“Doin' well?” Leo asked suddenly, putting his hands on his hips, as he watched Ben cutting out a notch into a nearby pine tree.

Derek just nodded absentmindedly and wrenched the wedge into the cut, looking up to see the tree tip slightly. He glanced in the direction it tipped in, making sure it was exactly the planed section where nobody worked at the moment and nodded again, mainly to himself this time.

“I thought you'd be in a lot worse mood today,” Leo stated, his eyes darting up the tree to make sure it wasn't going to fall in their direction. Even though they were all werewolves, they preferred not to be smashed by trees if truth be told.

Derek just shrugged, notching the wedge deeper inside the cut, tipping the tree over. He strode out of the reach fast and the tree started to fall right after that, the trunk cracking menacingly under the weight of the wood. It fell down hitting the ground with a loud thud.

As he wanted to walk back to it and get some work done on those branches, a hand on his shoulder stopped him and he looked up, frowning at Leo in confusion. That was until he started to talk:

“I have a feeling Laura did not tell you, because you're way too calm and I would rather you'd find out and sort it all out with her over the lunch break that we are all going to take now, than later while cutting down trees, because that would be dangerous and the contractor will be over with a few people so...,” he nodded, squeezing his shoulder a bit harder than a human normally would, grounding Derek with the touch for some reason.

“Laura went back to Beacon Hills yesterday night. She called dad to inform him and promised us to tell you too, but...,” he trailed of, waving his free hand in a vague gesture. “Guess she did not want to worry you. I felt obligated to tell you though, because she is your pack and you should know these kind of things. Especially since she is your only pack member and your Alpa at that.”

Derek stared at him for a while, feeling his knees going weak with fear. Laura went back to Beacon Hills without telling him? She went back and tried to keep it secret from him? Why would she do that? Did she find out about what happened all those years ago? Did she find a clue and went to investigate? Did she know it was all Derek's fault? He could not think clearly, his brain assaulted by way too many catastrophic theories.

“Derek,” Leo said sternly, his eyes flashing in warning. but it was the grip on his shoulder that brought Derek out of his impending panic attack. He blinked a few times, shook his head and put the chainsaw down on the ground.

“I'll... go call her,” he muttered then, waiting for Leo to approve. The werewolf nodded immediately, letting go of his shoulder and gestured down the hill, where all the others were heading for their lunch break.

Derek nodded back and jogged up the hill in the other direction to get at least a feeling of privacy, although he knew that if any of the wolves wanted to listen in, it wouldn't be any difficult for them. Luckily they were polite enough to act as if they couldn't hear a thing, although Leo might bring it up in case things went south, which yeah...okay, Derek was pretty much freaking out at the thought of Laura returning to Beacon Hills that suddenly and with no warning whatsoever.

Once he reached the top of the hill, he stopped by a huge pine tree, that they will have to cut down today too and fumbled with his phone, hitting the speed dial for Laura. She picked up almost immediately much to Derek's relief.

“Leo told you, didn't he?” she exclaimed in annoyance, her voice surrounded by dozen voices talking about all kinds of illnesses and Derek did not need to be a mind reader to realize she was in the hospital.

“Why did you... did something happen to Peter?” he questioned, suddenly very afraid for his uncle's life. What if the hunters came for him? He could not defend himself, he could not run. They left him there all alone, without any protection, against all their instincts and now...

“Don't be ridiculous, he's fine,” she huffed, the sound of the entrance door being pushed open reaching Derek's supernatural ears.

“Or well...as fine as he always was I guess. Did not react to me at all. What a shocker,” she finished bitterly.

“Oh,” was the only thing Derek could push out of his mouth at that time. He felt relieved for a second, thinking it was dumb of him to freak out like that, but then he realized he still didn't know why Laura went back without telling him. If it wasn't for their uncle, then why?

“The bank called me over to sign a few things, that's all,” she continued impatiently and Derek strained his ears to hear a lie in that. But it was too hard to tell over the phone if one was lying or not, because he could hardly mess the reaction of the whole body like this.

“You could have just send it sighed as any other person would,” he countered, suspicion creeping into his voice.

“Well yeah, but I have other things to arrange as well, so I thought I might as well...,” she started glossing over the whole topic, but Derek wasn't patient enough to listen to it till the end.

“Why did you go back, Laura?,” he whined, pacing impatiently, the panic swelling up inside him once again. “You're the one always saying we got nothing left in Beacon Hills and now, out of nothing you just...is everything okay? What if something happens, Laur, did you...?”

Did you find out? He wanted to finish, but refrained himself too afraid that she will confirm his worries. She couldn't have, could she? If she knew, she would be way too pissed to even talk with him. She would curse him and then use the Alpha voice, that she was never really able to use to order to kill himself or something...so...there was no way she knew, right?

Laura must have heard his heart beating rapidly over the phone, because her voice turned stern and unyielding: “Derek, no, everything's fine,” she enunciated. “I just have a few errands to run here.”

“What errands?” he demanded to know, running his left hand over his heart to calm it down a little. Everything was fine, it were just errands she said after all. It was hard to believe though. Too sudden, too suspicious. There was definitely more behind the whole thing.

“Like I said, it's just the Sheriff's station, the realities and the bank to sign a few things,” she explained, but there was something more to it, Derek could sense it in his bones.

“You never needed to go over before now, couldn't you just...” he started, but Laura interrupted him with an impatient growl.

“No, I could not,” she breathed, the echo of her steps speeding up in accordance with her rising annoyance. “The bank needed me over for the deposit.”

“You've never cared about those...things” he grit out, suddenly reminded why did they never go to collect any of those mementos before now – because it was full of painful memories they did not want to live through all over again. So why now? What was the point behind it all? What was Laura hiding?

“Of course I care about them, Derek, I do,” she muttered dejectedly, he tone making him cringe internally. He hit a nerve alright. “I'm the Alpha. I have to take care of it. It's mom heirloom. And I know I've been ignorant for all this time, but it's time Derek, it's time we face it...it's time we stop running away from our past...I want to go collect all of it and bring it back to New York. Dontcha want to remember our family properly? Dontcha want something to remember them by? We can't run forever and I am so sick of it...I just...”

“I'm sorry,” Derek blurted out before she could finish the thought. He sank down to the ground and sat down, leaning his back to the trunk covered by a soft layer of moss. “I'm sorry... I'll come over and we...”

“I can do it by myself too. You've got work to do anyways,” she stated, her voice being drowned by the sounds of the busy market in the background. She must have close to the church already, walking between the market stalls.

“I'll come,” Derek repeated, getting up to his feet once again. Laura needed him, his Alpha needed him. He couldn't hide behind the Mitchell pack any longer. He needed to show her how much his own pack meant to him, even if that meant going back to that hell of a place called Beacon Hills.

“Alright,” Laura huffed after a few silent seconds. “But finish your work first and fly from New York, when you're done with it...”

“It's alright, Leo won't mind, when I go right now. It's close enough to drive. I'll rent a car...I'll be there soon,” Derek interrupted her, already walking down the hill, straining his senses to find the said werewolf. He heard him laugh somewhere at the base of the hill munching at the chicken they got for lunch and so he headed that way to ask him for a leave.

“No, I said fly after the job,” she stressed

“That doesn't give any sense,” he shook his head, catching a sight of Leo. The werewolf looked up at him and raised his eyebrows in question.

“Leo can take care of the transport all by himself too, he doesn't need me here per se,” Derek told Laura, gesturing at his phone. Leo caught up to the conversation at once, nodding in agreement. “I can just...”

“Doesn't matter,” she grit out, getting very frustrated for some reason. Did she not want him there? “Derek, you need to finish your job first. I was free, so I flew over...and once you're free too, you can come to join me, but...I am not letting you throw away the normal life you worked so hard to build. And if truth be told I...I really do need some time alone with them...so...”

Derek pursed his lips, partly understanding what she meant and partly ready to argue till the bitter end, but what would be the point? Laura was the Alpha here and if she said she needed some time alone to finally grieve, then who was he to prevent her from all that?

He wasn't that selfish, even though he was scared as hell, that she might figure out the real reason behind the fire...even so, her wishes had to come first. And she didn't even need to use her Alpha voice to get what she wanted. He would do anything she asked him for.

“Okay,” he agreed reluctantly, turning away from Leo, who was watching him patiently.

“Awesome, gotta run now,” Laura said, her voice almost too low for human ears. Maybe it had something to do with the fact, that the sounds of the market were growing rapidly more and more silent. “Call me when you get to New York, Derrie!”

“But...,” he started to protest, a little distracted by the fact she called him like that in front of the other guys, because they always started to snicker silently behind his back, knowing full well he could hear them all the way from the tables. And Laura knew that as well, making her choice to call him that in their ear shot a perfect distraction.

She hung up then, leaving Derek standing awkwardly in front of a pack of weres, who were just finishing their lunch and hiding their grins behind their cups of coffee and tea.

“Come get some chicken, Derrie,” Seth teased immediately, his mouth full of roasted potatoes and Derek sighed dejectedly, pocketed his phone and turned around to go get his share before Seth decided to eat his portion as well.

~o~

Derek's stomach growled as he watched the tree fall down and he didn't even notice, too preoccupied with his thoughts and worries. It was all Laura's fault really. If she hadn't had gone to Beacon Hills, then he wouldn't have to mentally panic every few minutes and then he would have been hungry enough to eat his lunch. But no, she had to go back and keep it a secret from him, so that he might end up right in the middle of an emotional hurricane that rendered his hunger nonexistent, forcing him to willingly offer his meal to Seth.

So that's why he was now standing on the base of a sickly looking pine tree, his mind racing faster than his heart, his breath uncontrolled and ragged, his claws submerging into his palms and his eyes almost flashing... but just almost, because he was too ashamed to let anybody see their color to let himself lose control like that. And so he just tried to pretend everything was okay and yeah... failed at it quite miserably.

But this was Beacon Hills after all and even though the Argents were not living there anymore, what was there to stop them from tracking Laura back there? They surely still had their allies in the town, didn't they? And if they found out Laura came back all alone, an Alpha without her pack to protect her, even if it was just Derek... what would they do? Would they try to finish the job? Would they try to kill her too? Would Kate...

A silent whine wrenched itself from Derek's chest, his eyes flashing violent blue without his consent. He could smell blood from the punctured skin where his claws pierced his palms, but that only made the panic attack approach faster, because his blood smelled like Laura's blood and...

“Calm down, Derek,” commanded a stern voice from beside him and Derek exhaled violently, his head snapping up to Leo, whose voice was laced with a slight Alpha undercurrent.

“It's okay,” the werewolf nodded calmly walking slowly closer to Derek as if he was a wounded animal. He bent over and picked up the chainsaw, which was somehow still running wildly and scattering dirt all around them.

Derek frowned, watching Leo stop the chainsaw and throw it effortlessly over his shoulder. He did not remember dropping it and how did he not notice it was vibrating on the ground, cutting out pieces of moss and ground and sending them into the air? How could he not notice it's grinding sound? It's wrenching noises?

His frown deepened when he glanced down at his hands, pulling his sharp claws out of his palms with a painful twitch in the corner of his mouth. The wounds healed immediately, but the blood remained untouched. Flustered, he ran his palms over the sides of his pants and glanced up at Leo, almost afraid of his reaction was going to be.

“The guys will finish cutting down the remaining trees in the area,” Leo informed him calmly, looking up the hill as if he was checking the process. “Why don't we go down and load the wood, yeah? I could really use your help with that, man, that freaking vehicle hates me after all.”

Derek watched him for a few seconds not saying anything. He could imagine how that looked like though – probably as if he was glaring Leo to his early grave. But it truth be told, he was just embarrassed by the way he lost himself in his fear just a minute ago and afraid what Leo might think of him now. Basically, any kind of mixed feelings inside him usually ended up with his default expression, which was an angry looking glare.

Leo did not react to it though. He turned around without any other word and started to walk down the hill, making his way through the piles of branches, that waited to be cleaned off the area. Derek sighed and followed him feeling a bit calmer.

~o~

Loading logs was one of Derek's favorite tasks and yes one of the reasons was, that it reminded him of an old Tetris game he used to have back when he was a child, even though the logs did not exactly come in all kinds of different shapes so it was really a lot easier than that.

But the other reason was that he got to operate a timber crane, which was basically playing around with this giant claw and that was not only hell of a nostalgic thing for him, considering he once snagged a blue stuffed bunny for Cora all those years ago, but he was also very good in it. So good, that Leo practically let him do all the loading every day, although Derek suspected it was mostly because it lifted up his spirits. But hey, he was not gonna complain as long as he got to do his thing.

And so he led the claw down to the pile of logs, hitting the button near his little finger to open the claw and gather at least three logs inside to create a tight embrace that wouldn't dislodge and cause the logs to fall out and hit some of his coworkers. Which probably wouldn't happen, since all the guys walking around his crane were werewolves and so would probably manage to jump out of the way just in time, but he wasn't taking any chances.

He glanced around, while he led the claw slowly up, watching a group of weres at his left – Leo was standing in front of them gesturing vaguely in the direction of the hill, explaining to the second group what parts of it need to be cleared and where do they need to deposit all the excess branches.

Just as Derek was in the middle of transferring three logs locked inside the claw, his phone rang, playing a generic tune in his back pocket. He reached over automatically, his concentration fixated onto one of the logs that was quivering slightly to make sure it would not slip out of the tight grasp of the claw.

He held his fingers on the lever still moving the logs at a slow invariable pace, as he flicked his thumb over the screen, accepting the call without even glancing at the screen.

“What?” he inquired, expecting to head Seth or Arthur, because he was pretty much sure it was just one of the guys calling him from up the hill to inform him that they were done with the section and that there is no point in waiting for another batch of logs to load.

But he was wrong in that assumption and realized that right away, when the two seconds of silence came though the speakers accompanied only by some nervous tapping in the background. And then there was Laura's voice.

“Stop!” she commanded fiercely through the newly established connection and Derek's hand twitched on the lever unwillingly, as his brain tried to stop the whole fucking crane, because that was his Alpha speaking, using the most commandeering voice in the history of commandeering voices and wait...what the hell?

Derek swore as the crane claw opened itself, because he freaking hit the release button with that jerk of his hand and the three logs spilled onto the ground. He let the phone slip away from between his fingers and reached over to try and capture them again somehow – okay and that was even more stupid, because even if he did have super fast reflexes, there was no way a machine would respond as fast as he did.

And that is why the logs crashed onto the ground next to the truck, making all the werewolves at the sight whip their heads in his direction, staring with various degrees of amusement and malevolence.

Derek cursed under his breath feeling the eyes of all the guys outside on him, as he bent down to pick up his phone and mushed it go his ear, which was probably red with embarrassment already.

“What the hell Laura?!” he growled, glaring at the windshield so fiercely, that some of the younger weres turned away afraid he might zap them dead with his glare.

“I dropped the whole load!” he complained, deliberately ignoring the snickering from the outside. Who cared what... and then he suddenly stopped in his tracks, because something else caught his attention. He noticed a second heartbeat, that was fairly close to Laura's, which yeah okay, that wasn't anything special.... she was probably in the library judging by the faint sounds of pages being turned in the background, so hearing somebody else's heartbeat close to hers in a public place wasn't really out of the ordinary, but...

There was something about this particular heartbeat, that made him forget about the ongoing conversation as if it wasn't even happening. He honed in on it, listening to it intently and wondering why was he so fascinated by something so simple. It didn't sound different than any other heartbeat he had ever heard, actually it was a pretty normal one, even if slightly faster than the average he encountered, so it couldn't have been Peter, even if it seemed so familiar. His uncle's heartbeat was way too sluggish compared to this one.

So why was he so enthralled with it? And why did he wish there was more than just a heartbeat to the person on the other end of the line? It was like somebody only gave him a spoon of salt and told him that was his meal for the whole day. It wasn't enough, even though it was a very significant part of the dish.

He did not have time to think further about it though, because Laura obviously wasn't done with her game, taking a deep breath in to spit out the next command: “Howl!”

And once again he was so startled by the fact she used her Alpha voice on him freely, that he could do nothing else but obey it. But it wasn't just that, because no matter how startled he was, there was no way he wouldn't be able to refuse to participate in her weird prank... no, it was something more, something his wolf was itching to do after hearing that heartbeat on the other side and so Derek allowed the instincts to take over him, took a deep breath in and howled longingly.

It was only after he was done with it, that the echoes of laughter reached him and he realized what he'd done. What the hell was wrong with him? What the hell was wrong with his wolf and why the fuck did Laura force him to do something like that? Was she out of her mind?

“Are you done?” he muttered, ignoring the laughter and whistling from the outside. He tried to be angry with her and even felt the stirrings of resentment starting to build themselves inside his chest, but then he heard the stifled laughter from the other end and none of it mattered anymore. The other person was there with Laura – was laughing with her and... well the fact he made that person laugh seemed more important than whatever mischief Laura was brewing at that particular moment.

“This is far from funny,” he said to that person, hearing a faint snort and a smile spread over his lips...and wait, wow, that was actually some pretty weird shit right there.

But before he could think about it further, Laura said something, which he did not catch unfortunately, because he was too busy contemplating the weird situation, so he just grunted non-comically as he always did, knowing full well it would be enough to satisfy her.

That was when Leo yelled at them from the outside knowing full well that Laura would hear it too and Derek was actually glad those two started their usual round of flirting or whatever you wanted to call it, because he could tune out the voices for a few seconds without the fear of missing some important information and listen in to that marvelous heartbeat once again. Just because he could. Just because there was nothing stopping him.

He did not comprehend what was happening. It was really nothing special. Just some muscles contracting and pumping blood into the body and yet... there was somehow more to it and Derek really wanted to know more about it. He wanted to know it so badly, he opened his mouth and interrupted his sister.

“Uh,” he started, wondering how to ask. Who do you have there with you? Who is it? Will they still be there once I arrive? Will I get to...

“Awwh, Derrie... don't be such a spoil sport!” his sister exclaimed, wrenching him out of his thoughts with her unstoppable current of words.

“Shut up, Leo or I will alpha your ass too!” she continued right away, making Derek look out through the windshield and frown in confusion. He did not realize half of the guys descended the hill already and ended up standing around Leo, listening to his boisterous proclamations as if it was the most amusing thing in the world.

“Laura,” he grunted, waving them all away. This was not the time for them all to have a conference call. There were more important things he needed to find out, but she seemed to have other plans.

“Yeah, yeah, sorry,” she muttered dejectedly. “It was just a prank. I was bored waiting here. Talk ya later sweet brother!”

Derek fiddled with the levers wondering frantically if there was a way to stop Laura from hanging up, but then realized he was being ridiculous. Going through such lengths for some random person's heartbeat? Was he going crazy? Was it that close to the full moon, that his urges were acting up again? He had to put a stop to this before he ended up doing something disastrous all over again.

“Bye, Laura,” he made himself say and ended the call with a determined press of a fingertip.

~o~

It was an uneventful rest of the afternoon for Derek, especially compared to all the previous events. He spent the rest of the day loading three more trucks with felled logs and Leo continued to command weres around to cut down the remaining few trees and clear the area of branches, that needed to be delivered elsewhere. Not to mention he had to plan the whole replanting thing, so everybody had their hands full up until twilight came, because that was when they had to head back down.

“So Derrie,” Seth smirked, as they got inside the car, Derek finding himself between Seth and Robert with Leo behind the steering wheel and Arthur sitting right next to him in silence. “Why dontcha howl for us one more time huh?”

“Would you shut up already?” Leo grumbled in annoyance, already fed up with Seth repeating the same thing over and over ever since Laura called.

“Fuck no,” Seth shook his head, the grin on his face widening slightly. He looked over at Derek, who stared resolutely through the windshield ignoring the other werewolf. “Seriously, got my panties all wet and such,” the werewolf continued, leaning in closer to him. Derek looked over at him unimpressed raising up his eyebrows without a word. Internally he was way too embarrassed to even react to that statement, but he knew that he looked like a pissed of serial murderer on the outside which was always a good look, when someone tried to make fun of him.

“What's enough is enough, ya know,” Arthur muttered from the front, not taking his eyes off the road. The wheels skidded a few times, turning with an unnecessary strength as Leo led them down the hill, but as long as they did not get stuck nobody really noticed.

“Or what Artie?” Seth teased, rolling his eyes excessively. “Will Derrie call his hot Alpha to command me around as well. Oh, I would totally enjoy thaaa-...what the fuck?!” he yelped suddenly, when Derek buried his claws into the other werewolf's thigh silently.

“Awwh fuck, did you have to?” Seth whined and pulled away to dislodge Derek's claws from his flesh. He ran his palm over the rapidly healing skin and glared at them all in turn as they nodded in approval.

“That one was well deserved, pal,” Robert stated from the other side of the car, joined by Arthur who hummed in agreement.

“You should be glad I was busy driving,” Leo remarked, his eyes flashing once in the rear-view mirror, before he turned them back to the road.

Seth sunk back into his seat, turning his head away from them to look out of the window. He muttered something along the lines of “it was just a joke”, “fuck you all” and “this is the last job I am doing with you bastards”, but else remained relatively quiet for the rest of the trip, which Derek was quite thankful for, because if Seth would try to aggravate him more, it would probably not end up as peacefully as it did now- Talking like that about his sister was just unacceptable.

Derek looked up into the rear view mirror and caught Leo glancing back at him. The other werewolf winked at him in some sort of thanks for some reason and then returned his eyes back to the road. He turned the car right, leading it into the driveway of the old farm house they've been staying at and parked it in front of the shed, where they lock up their gear every day after work.

Derek waited until the others vacated the car, unable to leave faster, since he was sitting in the middle of the back seat and found himself thinking back over the person with that special heartbeat – no, it couldn't have been that special. He must have either imagined it somehow or the Alpha voice shocked his brain into stupidity. There was no such thing as a special kind of heartbeat or whatever, was there?

Derek climbed out of the car and walked back to the truck where his chainsaw waited to be cleaned, sharpened and stored again. He won't be needing it anymore for a few weeks, seeing as they already cut down the whole predestined section. The only thing left to do was to replant the trees and transport the goods, which will he and Leo take care of tomorrow morning.

He snatched the chainsaw from the trunk and headed for the shed. The other were passing him on their way into the house. When he walked inside, he spotted Leo putting his chainsaw away, obviously deciding that he is in no mood to do the maintenance tonight. Maybe he could do it early morning too, Derek wondered, hefting the heavy tool up onto a shelf.

And that was when something inside him lurched. He frowned and froze, staring into the wall with the chainsaw still in his hands as he tried to analyze the weird pang inside his chest. He saw Leo turn to him curious, but was then forced to close his eyes, blanching suddenly, because there was another tug - a more violent one this time.

Derek gasped and the chainsaw slipped from between his fingers when the recognized that painful ripping sensation inside his chest.

“Oh no, no no no,” he panicked. The last time he felt was a long time ago, but he knew right away. He whined under his breath as the tugging increased, his hand shooting up to clench at the front of his chest as if that would somehow prevent his pack bond from dissolving, from being ripped from his heart, from being wrenched out of his wolf.

Pushing his palm against his chest did not help though, not one bit and when the bond linking him to his Alpha broke, Derek stumbled back and fell onto the ground, whimpering pathetically and clenching his heart as if he was having a heart attack.

But it was worst than an heart attack or a seizure or anything else humans went through. His muscles spasmed being suddenly filled with a lot more strength than he was used to, his senses went haywire from all the stimuli he was suddenly unable to block from his mind, his wolf howled and clawed inside him as if he was trying to rip him apart and emerge from inside all drenched in his blood.

And all the while, there was a part of his brain, that assessed the situation coldly, comparing it to what he felt like at the time of the fire. And this part of him looked at all the facts, at his own convulsing body and at the void black spot forming itself inside his heart and it knew...it knew without a mistake that that horrible thing he was so afraid of came true – Laura was dead.

And with that knowledge in the back of his mind, he opened his eyes, crying out in pain and despair as the red of an Alpha filled his eyes, killing the every last drop of hope and doubt he might have had.

~o~

The Alpha straightened his back and glanced around the space he found himself in. It was small and claustrophobic. There was only one opening that could lead outside, but something was standing in his way, blocking his path... no, not something. A someone. And that someone had his arm outstretched to him, the hand gripping his shoulder in a very threatening matter - as if he wanted to crush his bones, as if he wanted to trail his claws up his neck and rip his throat out, as if he wanted to pull him in closer and sink his teeth into his neck and the Alpha did not like that at all. The threat seemed way too close.

He growled, his red eyes glaring at the other werewolf in front of him, assessing his strength and status with one throughout glance.

“Oh shit,” swore the Beta, his eyes flashing yellow in response to him. He let go of the Alpha's shoulder immediately and backed up a few steps, reeking of fear and concern.

The Alpha rose to his full greatness, his muscles flexing experimentally. He felt somehow sore, his limbs not responding properly, but he dismissed that concern right away. He was still stronger than this werewolf in front of him and the Beta knew it full well judging by his fluttering heart, by the failing struggle to keep his breath even and by the sweat that kept forming on his forehead at the sight of the Alpha's lengthening claws.

A door opened somewhere in the distance, a hum of voices reaching the Alpha's ears together with the approaching steps.

“The fuck is going on in there...?” questioned the male from the outside, his voice muffled by the thick wooden walls separating them, but the Alpha could still hear it loud and clear. He heard the tint of nervousness in it. The dread.

And he would have whipped his head around to stare at the exact spot the male was standing behind weren't it for the fact he needed to stay focused on the Beta in front of him, who posed an imminent threat.

He clenched his jaws as the dull ache inside his chest flared up for a short fraction of time and he took a startled breath in – something was missing, he realized. Something very essential to him, something very important and at first he wasn't sure what it was, because his mind was consumed by the newly gained status, but then it came to him.

It was his pack. It grew even smaller than it was before he was changed into an Alpha. It was so small, so tiny. He could only feel one distant Beta, a faint tug of despair somewhere far away. And then one more connection presented itself to him – an empty void, a recently severed bond to his previous Alpha.

His chest felt so empty now, so unnaturally empty, that he could not concentrate on anything else but that. An itch to fill that void grew inside him, spreading rapidly underneath every inch of his skin, making him want to crawl inside out. It even got inside his mind, whispering foul things, compelling him to fill in the missing connections in every way possible.

“Get out of here, Seth!” the Beta in front of him growled in a commanding voice and the Alpha responded with a fierce flash of red, that made the other werewolf lower his head in submission.

But that did not satisfy the Alpha. This werewolf in front of him was a bigger danger to him now, that he realized the truth about his status due to the gentle undercurrent of the Alpha voice. This Beta had the potential of being an Alpha one day and thus his existence was a challenge to his own status. He needed to kill him.

“I am not a threat,” the Beta whispered harshly, noticing the change in the Alpha's posture or maybe he could even read his thoughts....who knew, who cared. He even folded his arms behind his back, bending his head to the side to reveal his neck to him, but even that could not save him or could it?

The Alpha studied him for a second, the itch inside his chest growing stronger than the urge to kill. Maybe he could force him to join his pack. His Alpha seemed to be nowhere near them anyways. And there were more Betas outside too. The one, who spoke before was already nearing the door to the shed and the others were coming out of the building outside.

They were all so close and so unprotected, es if served on a silver platter... he could take them all, force them to join him and then he would be whole again. He would have a real, strong pack.

“Derek,” said the Beta pleadingly, his voice gentle and seemingly calm. “It's Leo Mitchell... you know me.”

But the words meant nothing to the Alpha. He only recognized one thing, one prerogative and that was, that he was an Alpha and he needed a pack. He needed to fill the hole inside his chest as soon as possible. Before it would rip him apart from the inside. Because if there was no pack for him, then he could be an Alpha no more and that idea might drive him crazy.

The other Beta stepped inside cautiously, surveying the situation with glowing eyes and extended claws. A growl wrenched itself from the Alpha's chest. It could have been in victory to have found another possible pack mate or it could have been a warning. He did not know himself. Maybe it were both of those things.

“I said get the fuck out of here, you dumbass,” muttered the Alpha candidate, keeping the commanding vibrations in check this time for some reason. As if that would help disguise him now. It was too late for that.

“Not a chance, boss,” grinned the other Beta, showing them a glimpse of his canine teeth. “He would rip you apart, because you have the Potential.”

The Beta crept slowly closer, choosing to stand in front of the other werewolf and the Alpha's growl intensified, because it wasn't just him - there were others joining them in the shed.

But before he could make his muscles move, the shed was full of them, their eyes glowing, their claws out, their teeth sharp as knives. And all of them stood in his way to the Alpha candidate, protecting him with their own bodies, ready to offer their lives for his...

And the Alpha snarled angrily feeling crowded and his muscles tensed, ready to leap and tear them apart. They did not wish to belong to his pack. He knew that much from the way they arranged themselves around their precious candidate. They did not want to join him. Well... fine. He will rip them all apart in punishment for that insult.

“H=holy shit,” one Beta exclaimed suddenly and the Alpha's head whipped over to zero in on him. It was a young bitten werewolf, standing on the edge of the group, which automatically made him the most vulnerable of them all. And so the Alpha chose his first target. It was logically the weakest link and thus the one he would eradicate first.

Except, before he could make his move, there was suddenly a different Beta right in his field of vision. How dare he? His view was obscured and the Alpha could not stand them crowding him any longer so he leaped forward and tackled the daring Beta to the ground, ready to pierce his lungs in one swift motion of his hand.

The other werewolves were too slow. They could not have stopped him, no matter what strategy they had chosen. The Beta underneath him was too weak too, so there was no way he could have stopped him either. But the Alpha stopped anyways, his hand hovering inches from the other werewolf's chest, frozen, petrified.

He stared into the blue glow of the Beta's eyes as if it was a well full of water and he was a thirsty man in the middle of a dessert. They seemed to be strangely captivating, shouting at him, pushing the Alpha further away from his own brain.

“You know this don't you?” the Beta spoke, flashing his eyes once to enunciate his point.

“Arthur,” warned the Alpha candidate and by the sounds of it, he tried to push his way in between the Betas standing in all around him, but they did not let him. And the Beta underneath him just shook his head gently and continued staring at him without so much as a blink.

“The quilt. The shame,” the Beta spat, his blue eyes burning a hole into the Alpha's brain. “The red in your eyes might cover it for now, but it's still there... your anchor.”

The words didn't make any sense to him. They didn't, because his brain had been intertwined with other priorities right then, but as he stared into those eyes, he felt himself slowly remember... their cries echoing inside the woods, the pain, the ashes, his pack, his anchor.

And he realized, that no matter what his instincts told him, he did not want to create a new pack. Because it did not matter how many wolves he could force over to his side. He will never ever be able to replace those he had lost, those he had killed. And the dull ache was supposed to be in his chest, had to remain there for the rest of his life, because that was his only connection to them.

Derek blinked and willed the red color fade away from his eyes. It left only his regular brownish green irises in display, which made all the wolves inside the shed relax visibly, breathe in relief or grin victoriously.

“Get off me, man,” Arthur laughed, pushing at his shoulder and Derek led himself be manhandled off the other werewolf's lap and into a standing position.

He opened his mouth to apologize, when he noticed the way Arthur cringed getting up from the floor, but the werewolf just shook his head and stretched out to check for any wounds.

“It's nothing,” he said, waving his arm around in a circular motion to correct the dislocated shoulder. “Almost healed anyways. It wasn't an Alpha inflicted wound, after all. Was actually the floor that hit me...”

Derek glanced sheepishly down at his feet, sensing way too many eyes on him. But there was one pair he could not avoid any longer and when he glanced over at Leo who was standing next to Seth, he felt his stomach clench involuntarily, because the fear and concern remained inside the other werewolf's eyes, unyielding. Was he going to shun him now that he was an Alpha? Was he...

“Laura...?” Leo breathed out, his voice a painful whine and Derek suddenly understood. The strong emotions inside the other werewolf's eyes had nothing to do with him. At least not directly. It was all about his sister, because she had a potential for Leo... they might have been more than just friends, but the potential was gone now, which meant Leo felt similar kind of loss tonight.

Was Laura really...? She must have been, right? He wouldn't have inherited the Alpha status, if she was still alive. It was true, she could have had forfeited it for some reason, but then he would have still felt their pack bond inside his chest. There was nothing though. So she must have been... but why? What happened...? Did the hunters...?

“I have to...,” he started vaguely, turning around to walk out of the shed. He did not have any plan of what to do now, but knew one thing for certain. He had to find out what happened back in Beacon Hills and he had to find out right now. He needed to find her body... to make sure she was really... dead.

“Derek!” yelled a voice behind him and he stopped on the threshold, looking around at Leo, who was rummaging inside his pockets. He brought out his car keys and threw them at him. “Take my car.”

“What...?” Derek asked stupidly, catching the keys by reflex. But he did not understand what was happening and the wolves around did not offer any explanation either.

“I said take that stupid car and go find out what happened to her,” Leo barked impatiently. “I would go with you but...”

...it has nothing to do with me, we weren't even mated, it was just an unclaimed possibility, I have no right to seek revenge and I cannot leave my pack, because as a future Alpha I can't be reckless like this. I need to be responsible and trustworthy. And how could I be taken for such a person, if I drove into the darkness and left them all here to take care of our business?

Derek heard all those reasons, even though they remained unsaid. He nodded shortly in acknowledgment, gripped the keys tighter and walked resolutely out of the shed heading for the shiny black Camaro.

~o~

Derek drove for what seemed like weeks although it were just a few hours yet and there were still a few to go before he would reach Beacon Hills. He drove without any thoughts whatsoever. He did not think about Laura nor his pack, nor his newly gained status, because if he would have dared to cast his eyes upon all the aspects of his present life, he would have probably just stepped on the gas pedal and driven the Camaro off a cliff.

He even considered doing just that for a second, when he was speeding over a vast bridge, but had not had the courage to actually carry out any of his ideas. This was Leo's precious car he was driving after all. He couldn't just selfishly wreck it like that. And maybe that was even why Leo has offered him his car in the first place – to ensure he stayed alive for the time being.

It only gave sense for Leo to be worried about him. He knew what happened to the Hale pack all those years ago, he'd been there when he and Laura approached the Alpha of the Mitchell pack with their pitiful request for a treaty. He'd been there and so he knew.

Well not about everything of course, but their whole pack must have had some suspicions after seeing the color of Derek's glowing eyes. They all probably knew it was tied back to the fire and suspected him to be responsible for it. And they were not wrong in that assumption after all, so why bother correcting them?

Honestly, Derek was kind of surprised Laura did not figure it out yet. Or maybe she did, but was considerate enough to not let him know? What was the point of thinking about it now anyways? He won't ever know the truth, because Laura was gone now.

Derek took a sharp turn left and gunned the gas pedal, the tires squealing madly. He drove the car up the road to the highway, his mind and heart racing faster than the Camaro itself. But that would do no good now would it? And so he pushed all his emotions away. His thoughts were way too dangerous right now, they were borderline suicidal and he needed to resists them and concentrate on the one thing and one thing only – to reach Beacon Hills and find out what happened to his sister and then...well...

He concentrated on the dull ache inside his chest instead. How could and empty space hurt that much he did not understand, but he guessed one would compare it to the same kind of pain that remained after a wisdom tooth has been removed. Granted he never had his wisdom teeth removed, because his own ones grew into a perfect health and shape, but he knew about the procedure enough to know how much pain it caused to remove them.

Because they were rooted deep inside you after all. It's tendrils weaved into your flesh, growing inside of you all your life. And that's how it was for him right now... his pack had been removed from him forcefully and the flesh around the wound gaped open, aching as if it had been washed out by flammable chemicals.

But shutting off his emotions helped a little. It forced the pain so subside and made him realize there was something beyond it – a small fragile connection, not thicker than a nylon thread, that was pulling him weakly to someone. And when he realized to whom, he almost whimpered in relief.

Peter. It seemed like they still shared a pack connection even though his uncle was currently comatose and unresponsive. And that fact made Derek feel a lot calmer almost immediately. It was good to know he wasn't the last living member of the Hale pack, that he was not alone, that he had someone to take care of and execute his Alpha status onto.

And with that realization came another one. He is not going to leave Peter rot in that godforsaken facility any longer. He is going to take him back to New York or maybe... his heart quickened at the thought, but maybe...no, could he? Could he use his newly gained power to cure his uncle?

He heard of Alphas doing that sort of thing before – offering their power to the moon to save a pack member from the imminent end. Could it be done for Peter as well? Granted he wasn't dying, but it's not like he was alive either so...

Besides, Derek never planed to be an Alpha, he never wanted to be one in the first place, so he would have no qualms giving his power up for the sake of curing Peter. As long as it meant it would bring his uncle back, he was pretty much ready to give up anything. Not like he had much to give anyways.

Derek grinned suddenly, feeling the thrill of that idea blossom inside his chest. Yes, that's exactly what he will do once he'd reached Beacon Hills.

And with that vague plan in his mind, he sped along the highway, talking the quickest road to his old hometown. He should have probably counted himself lucky that there was no speed control on his way there – not because he didn't want to get a ticket, but because he probably wouldn't have stopped for them anyways. His thoughts were pushing the gas pedal lower and lower, urging the car to race after his pack. Or at least what remained of it.

~o~

The rest of the ride to Beacon Hills seemed like a feverish dream to him, like chunks of blurred motion and emotion mixing together as he drove nonstop to reach his destination. And that did not change once he drove past the sign that announced he had officially reached the Beacon Hills' Preserve. Quite on the contrary. It made him push the gad pedal even lower, leaving his last drops of restrain back at the main road when he turned the car to race up the old preserved road that led to the burned down Hale house.

He was close now. So close. And for a brief moment he wondered how did he know where it happened? How did he know where to start this search for his sister's dead body? But of course it would be in the preserve near their old house – it seemed like there wasn't even a different place for a Hale to die, as if it was some curse put down on their pack by an old witch.

But of course it wasn't just that, because at the same time he knew he was instinctively following the ripped off pack bond. It was the same exact situation as when Laura came running back to their apartment, when he tried to commit his fiery suicide back in New York. She just said she suddenly knew where to find him, so this must have been similar....except there was nobody to save this time, there will only be a body to recover.

Will he have to fight hunters to get to it? Was Laura's unmoving body now a lure to get him too? Surprisingly it wasn't fear that ran through him at that thought. No. It was anger, anger that they would dare to touch someone as sacred to him as his sister was with those filthy fingers of theirs.

Derek's eyes flashed angrily and a growl wrenched itself from his throat, resonating in the tight space of the Camaro. He drove without keeping an eye on the road, because why should he? This was the old road to the Hale house after all, there wasn't supposed to be a living soul around, only the ghosts of his murdered family. But he was wrong in that assumption, because as he rounded a bulky tree, that was growing halfway into the road, he came up face to face with a silver Porsche driven by a young male teen.

He cursed under his breath, realizing there was no time for elegant evasive maneuvers, not unless he wanted to hit the other car head on. And what the fuck were they doing speeding down their private road anyways? And with no headlights on at that!

Derek scowled at the guy driving the Porsche, even though he knew fully well, that the two people on the front seats wouldn't even notice his expression in that one second, their vision obscured by the Camaro's headlights beaming directly at them.

He saw their eyes widening in shock, their pupils contracting as the light his their faces - a grotesque grimace of fear spreading slowly over their features. Derek could even hear their hearts beginning to pump blood frantically over the roar of their collective engines.

He clenched the steering wheel tighter, glancing around the woods to find a safe path for him yank the car on. As it was, the right site was full of thickly intertwined bushes, which seemed like a perfect place to park his car into to avoid the crash and so he jerked the steering wheel, forcing the car to change it's trajectory in the last possible second.

He missed the silver Porsche by less than an inch and hit the breaks. Of course it did not stop the car right away, but the velocity of his speed only led him into those waiting bushes so there were no bad consequences for him.

But the same obviously couldn't be said about the Porsche. There was a panicked yell and a loud wrecking crash behind him accompanied by a loud crack of wood, a whoosh and another crash. Derek whipped his head around on the driver's seat and blanched at the sight of the accident.

The car wedged itself into the tree trunk of the bulky tree, ripping it's trunk apart in the process. It tipped over and fell down at it's front without any warning whatsoever.

How did they end up driving off the road too? Derek wondered for the first second, not understanding what happened. He outmaneuvered them, didn't he? They should have just stayed on the road and kept driving, nothing was supposed to happen to them! But the teen must have snatched his own steering wheel in fright and jerk it in the opposite direction without actually thinking about where he was leading the car! Stupid humans! Stupid fucking humans!

Derek turned off his engine, wrenched his door open and leaped out, running for the silver wreck of a car. They were still inside, the two of them, stuck between the massive tree and the coiled metal. Their breathing was shallow and they were obviously both unconscious. And there was blood...so much blood Derek could smell it all around like a sick infection carried miles by the wind.

He felt his eyes burn red with panic at the stench. Did he just kill two innocent teens as well? How did this kept happening to him? Was he cursed? Did everybody who ever came in contact with him have to die? Was this... but he did not let that thought come to an end. There was no time for him to panic, not while their hearts were still beating, because that meant there was still a chance for him to save them.

And so without any further hesitation Derek surged forward. He jumped at the hood of the car, encircling the tree trunk with his arms. He locked his fingers behind it, securing his hold on the wood that way and locked his legs. Pushing and pulling with as much power as he could muster, he managed to lift the fallen tree off the hood.

He grunted at the weight of it, sweat falling down his forehead, but he'd be damned if a fucking tree got the best of him – he cut those fuckers for living after all, they could not win against him under no circumstances!

With a final groan, Derek managed to move the tree to the side, letting it fall down once again and settle on the ground next to the car with a lot of cracking and rustling. He did not pay attention to that anymore though. Instead he crawled higher up using his hands for support as if the hood wasn't full of sharp glass and peered inside through the broken windshield.

They were both still there, their hearts beating weakly as they tried to feed them enough blood, but it seemed to be getting harder, since they were both bleeding pretty badly. There was no time to lose, but if he tried to lessen the pressure of the metal on their bodies wouldn't they both bleed to death in seconds?

He was no doctor. He did not know how human bodies worked – of course he did remember some stuff from school and he did have a first aid course behind him, but that was way too long ago for him to remember. And besides, he only had to remember how to help a werewolf heal and he knew that well enough!

If a bone breaks, one had to correct it fast so that it wouldn't heal weirdly. If there was a bleeding, one would simply have to hold the edges together and wait for them to meld again. He did not know how to heal a human! If they were werewolves then he could help them right away, but they weren't, were they?

Derek stared at their broken forms, an idea forming itself in his head. If they were both werewolves, then they wouldn't have to die. They would just heal. And he could make werewolves out of them now that he was an Alpha. Granted the change wouldn't hit them fully till the next full moon, which meant they wouldn't be able to acquire their wolf shape before that, but the rest of it....the healing? The heightened sensitivity? The sped? They would get all that right away, even if they might not be able to use it... the werewolf gene would only need a little while to settle inside of them. It would not let them die, not unless they would refuse the Bite at least.

But he couldn't do that or could he? Just bite them like that without any consent? Was there any other option though? He smelled the air, scanned their bodies and realized that even if he did call an ambulance right away, they would probably be long dead by then. Definitely if they kept losing that much blood.

But still, he couldn't just bite them without their consent. Plus there was something about the two of them, that made him hesitate. It was as if they weren't meant to be werewolves. Especially the girl - he glanced at the ginger teen quickly - it was as if she was all wrong and it had nothing to do with the fact that she was covered in blood, nor the fact that she was essentially dying at the moment, she still smelled like rotting flowers and dry grass.

And the other one? Derek pursed his lips, his mind racing. He got rid of the tree like a half minute ago and now he was supposed to be saving their lives, because he was actually the one who caused this accident in the first place no matter what the circumstances of it were, but he couldn't bring himself to act. There was only one way to save them, but he just couldn't... couldn't do it. He was a coward, a weak selfish coward.

That was when a gurgle came out of the male teen's throat, his eyelids flying up in panic. He gasped through the liquid inside his lung, tried to take a breath in through the blood flowing down his throat, but did not succeed. His eyes flickered around in alarm and landed on Derek, who was kneeling on the hood, his head stuck inside.

“H-hggr...” croaked the teen, his hand twitching where it was lying on the seat next to his unmoving body.

Derek watched in horror as he lifted his other hand and clawed at his neck, as if that would bring more air inside his chest. It only made more blood splutter from his lips though.

“Hee-aarg,” the teen slurred, trying to tell him something, his eyes full of tears. The air was joined by the smell of panic and fear and Derek could not take it any longer. He could not watch them both die. He wasn't a cold blooded murderer no matter what his brain accused him off for all those years.

He climbed further inside and reached over the pull the guy closer by his shirt. Their noses were almost touching, when Derek barked out the words.

“Do you want to live?!” he snarled, watching the teen's eyes widen and then turn around as the loss of air pushed him further into unconsciousness.

“Do you want to or not?!” Derek repeated, yelling into his face, as he shook his weak body. The teen managed to refocus back on him and then he grabbed his wrist - the strong squeeze was an answer enough.

“What about her?! Does she?!” the Alpha continued and the teen gurgled again, blood spluttering all over the werewolf's face, but he ignored it, watching the guy's eyes carefully. He saw them flicker to the left, saw his hand reach out and fail midways as he lost the consciousness once again, but that did not matter any longer, because Derek heard what he needed to hear.

He set aside the fact that he was new to this, he put a hold on his logical thinking and let the wolf take over. He was a born werewolf, which meant, that the wolf was actually him at the same time as he was human, but his logic could reign his instincts at any time and keep them bottled. Not this time though. Not now.

A howl built itself from inside his lungs, as he opened his jaws as wide as he could. Pain flared inside his joints as he did so. It felt as if the ball was being yanked out of the socket, the muscles straining and the teeth aching as they lengthened into sharp fangs. It was not pleasant, because it's been ages that he decided to turn into his Beta form, but he wasn't paying enough attention to care, his mind clouded by the surge of Alpha power that came with surrendering to his instincts.

Suddenly the whole world seemed red and he was the brightest red of them all, the strongest, the fittest. The Alpha. And the ones in front of him were weak and dying and not at all suitable to belong to his pack. He will just leave them there and find some better candidates....wait, no, he whined, the red vision flickering from his eyes. Oh they still glowed the same, but he saw the world how it really was again and he realized what it was that he actually needed to do.

And so he surged forward and sank his fangs into the guy's neck, because not only was that the only space available to him at that moment, but it was also the closest way to get to the heart. Through the main artery, he would contaminate the blood quickly and efficiently.

Of course it wasn't the best way to bite a human. By far actually, because humans were not made for such a straight onslaught of the werewolf gene, but it would have to do. There was no time to be gentle after all.

Derek felt his power leak into the human in front of him, the flesh between his jaws burning with heat, but he did not wait for the following reaction. Instead he pried his teeth from the tense muscles of the guy's neck and turned over to the girl, repeating the same process.

Sinking his teeth into her bleeding neck was less than unpleasant though, because it felt as if he was washing out his mouth with something akin to zombie goo. He ignored it for the sake of completing the Biting ritual though.

Once he was done, he pried the teeth out of her flesh too and stumbled back, pulling the upper part of his body out of the car. His chest burned, as the mixture of blood and saliva dripped down his chin and he instinctively opened his mouth once again to let out a deep claiming howl.

The flame inside his chest expanded toward the two bodies in front of him, gripping onto them, wedging itself inside their souls and forming a pack bond. Derek could suddenly feel their presence inside him, just on the edge of the huge crater left by his former pack.

He exhaled sharply, coming slowly back to his senses and then reached back inside the car to pull out the phone that was vibrating in the girl's purse for the last twenty seconds. He just did not notice it before now, drunk of the power and distracted by the newly formed bonds.

“Lydia?” came out of the speaker once he managed to slide his finger over the screen. “Lydia you better come home right now!”

Derek sighed and put the phone into the girl's lap, smashing the window to her left. He then stuck his hand through the opened space and grasped the side-view mirror into his hand, tearing it off with one swift movement.

“What? What is going on in there?” yelped the female voice as the noise reached her. “Lydia? Lydia?! Oh no...George! George come here quickly...something happened! Lydia?! I swear to God if this is some kind of a joke... George!”

The woman kept screaming through the speakers, talking to her husband and then to the local sheriff and Derek signed, backing off the hood slowly. He needed to go, before they found him there, but he couldn't make himself move away, watching his new pack members for a while longer.

The bleeding was slowly subsiding by now, their hearts pumping a bit stronger than before. And so he did one last thing, before heading back to his car. He gripped the metal enveloping them in it's deadly grasp and pulled it up a little, so it would lesser the pressure on their bodies.

It took a while for him to correct all of it and when he was done, the parents of the girl were already relaying the coordinates of their daughter's phone to the sheriff and the ambulance. They will probably be there in like fifteen minutes tops, which meant he had to leave as fast as possible.

He listened to their heartbeats just a little while longer anyways, making sure they were healing. Granted it was a slow process, that could in no way be compared to the speed in which a settled werewolf healed, but it was still pretty good for human standards.

By the time the ambulance arrived they will probably be out of the mortal danger. Unless the Bite gets rejected until the next full moon, but that was not something Derek could help with so he just turned around and walked haltingly back into his car, driving away to the Hale house and up the hidden road behind it.

~o~

It was almost morning when he reached the clearing far behind the Hale house. He didn't even look at it as he drove past shaken by the accident, by the fact that he was heading to go find her body, by the whole situation he found himself in. He heard the ambulance's sirens far behind, could hear them hurry up the road and then they were suddenly cut off, the seeming silence filling his ears.

He glanced down the road, which couldn't be even called that after all the years, since it already became a part of the woods - only here and there reminding him of the old road he used to walk over with his dad or brothers.

Derek pursed his lips and turned around to head to the east. The sun was just starting to rise from behind the horizon, it's rays creeping slowly between the branches, making the woods look weirdly eerie.

It wasn't just that though. It was also the dread that was filling Derek's head. It was also the fear, the anger, all the mixed feelings of what he was about to discover, because he was close, so close now, he just knew it.

And Derek's heart sped up involuntarily and his hands began to sweat, as he broke into a desperate run, following the cold trail of his pack bond. He passed the trees in a blur, his breath coming out ragged after the first few leaps, but that did not stop him and so he weaved between the trees, jumped across fallen logs and leaped over the creeks.

He ran like a panicked deer, uncaring about his surroundings, not even noticing the tingle of magic not too far away, that would have reminded him of the old druid that he once met in New York...because none of it was important to him right then and there. None of it but reaching his sister.

And somewhere in the back of his mind he did realize he could be heading into a trap, but that was all irrelevant to him. And so he run, pushing his muscles until they hurt, until they cried to be transformed into a form that would be more suitable for running, but he couldn't, oh he still couldn't and this time it didn't even upset him because there it was, the smell of his sister, of her blood, of her insides and he whined, his vision getting blurry, but still he ran and ran...until the stench of her blood got so strong it seemed almost hard to penetrate, but he did not slow down anyways.

Not until he saw her. Only then did he slow down, his chest heaving, his breath catching up in his lungs as he saw what was left of her.

He let out a heart-wrenching wail, stepping in closer to the heap of blood that was once his precious sister. He knelt down to her and reached over to stroke her hair, pushing it out of her face.

Her empty eyes stared right at him, silent and accusing and he could not handle to look at her any longer, so he just bent down and pushed his face into the crook of her neck crying like a newborn baby. He clenched her body, ignorant of the blood, ignorant of her guts spread out in front of him like hand fan, he did not care about any of it, sobbing mindlessly into her cold skin.

This was all his fault. He let her go back to Beacon Hills all alone, he let he be murdered just as he let Kate slaughter the rest of his pack. He failed to protect them just as he failed to protect Laura and there was nothing more in this world that could ever put him back together, because he was broken beyond repair by now.

Broken and lost and his sister was dead, lying here under his hands, her blood seeping through his fingers and into his father's leather jacket and there will be no way for him to ever wash off the blood on his hands. Because he is cursed and damned...and there is no absolution left for him, no life, no pack, no family...no future.