Chapter Text
Ammara sat on the stone floor of the Queen’s apartments while her practiced fingers weaved the black and silver strands of Ammara’s hair together.The place was teeming with servants, maesters and handmaidens caring for the heavily pregnant queen.The heavy smell of incense and scented candles hung in the air,sweet and cloying.Sunlight streamed through the large windows and warmed Ammara’s face.She laid her head back on Aemma’s stomach.Lightly,so she didn’t harm the babe growing in her belly and closed her eyes at the feeling on gentle hands carding through her curls.This was how most of her mornings were spent,with Aemma braiding her hair and Ammara telling her court gossip,her exploits in the training yard,the latest thing she had drawn or the various disasters in the Lannister family.
On that particular morning,Ammara was showing Aemma her newest illustration.She had drawn Dreamfyre specially for Aemma because she said she was her favourite dragon.It had taken her ages to get the right shade of icy blue and do all of the distinctive silver markings.She was proud of it and she hoped Aemma liked it.Which she did.
”I love it sweet girl,you’re so talented.”she pressed a kiss to the crown of Ammara’s head and her heart swelled.
“I had to mix four shades of blue to do it”,she said tilting her head at the drawing.”I think I might do all of the dragons now.”
Aemma hummed in reply,busy putting the final touches on Ammara’s hair.
Well,all except one.She wouldn’t draw Caraxes .She didn’t have anything against the dragon but his rider and her husband,Daemon.The same husband who had fucked her the day of their wedding and left the next morning without a word.Ammara had woken up to a cold bed and sticky thighs .She had long since moved on from it even if it still hurt because she didn’t really blame him for leaving because she would leave if she could too and she wouldn’t marry her either.She was brought out of her musings by Aemma’s gentle voice asking if she liked her hair as she pinned it in place with a golden dragon clip.Ammara smiled, of course she liked it.Aemma had been doing her hair ever since she had arrived at court and was the only person to do it since.It was perfect every time.
“I love it.”,she said,admiring Aemma’s work in the handheld mirror.She had done two little braids leading into a braid crown near the top of her head and the rest of her hair flowing down to her waist with two curly,silver tendrils framing her face.She turned back to Aemma with a soft smile still in place.
”Thank you”,she said gently
Aemma smiled back at her and cupped her cheeks before placing a kiss to the top of her forehead.Ammara leaned into it.She had always craved a maternal presence after mother had died and Aemma had always been there for her with kind smiles and open arms.
She trusted her completely .Aemma trusted her too, she told her about her worries and her fears she couldn’t tell Rhaenyra or Viserys.And,Ammara guarded those secrets with her life,the two both bonded over their love for Rhaenyra and they both agreed to protect Rhaenyra from some of the harsher realities of life that she didn’t need to know.A father’s vicious blow,the feeling of a cock forcing it’s way inside of you,the lies and hatred of the court and everything that lay beyond the castle walls.Aemma rewarded her for her faithful companionship of course,she helped get Ammara appointed to the small council as Master of Laws,which wasn’t too difficult because Ammara was a prodigy and Viserys was easily swayed.She also protected and defended the princess was no one else seemed willing too.
Ammara opened her mouth to say something but she was interrupted by the arrival of Rhaenyra, with Alicent in tow.They turned their heads in her direction and Aemma pushed herself up on the chaise.
”Ah,Rhaenyra you know I don’t like you to go flying while I’m in this condition.”
Rhaenyra’s hair shone like beaten silver in the sunlight as she advanced further into the room.
“You don’t like me to go flying when you’re in any condition”.
That was true,while Aemma was half Targaryen by birth, she seemed weary of the great beasts. Alicent offered a gentle “Your Grace”, from the entryway.
“Good morrow,Alicent.”,the queen replied,with her usual kindness directed toward the Hand’s daughter.
Rhaenyra began with her her usual line of questioning,forgoing any more courtesies.
“Did you sleep?”,she asked her mother.
“I slept.”
“How long?”
Aemma sighed as Rhaenyra collapsed next to Ammara,resting her head on her shoulder.Ammara wrinkled her nose slightly at the stench of dragon coming off her friend.
”I don’t need mothering,Rhaenyra.”,she rolled her eyes.
“Well here you are surrounded by attendants all focused on the babe, someone has to attend to you.” Aemma ignored Rhaenyra’s worries and tapped her with her foot.A sure sign she was about to impart something important to her daughter.
“You will lie in this bed soon enough Rhaenyra.This discomfort is how we serve the realm.”
“I’d rather serve as a knight and ride to battle and glory”,came the stubborn reply. Aemma let out a little laugh and carried on fanning herself.
“We have royal wombs you and I.All of us”, she directed at Ammara as well.”The childbed is our battlefield.We must learn to face it with a stiff lip.”
Ammara could see the sadness in her eyes,like there always was when the topic of children and childbirth was brought up.
Aemma’s eyes tracked Rhaenyra’s as her gaze drifted to the window, something indiscernible in the blue eyes.Alicent still lingered at the door, not going any further but Ammara could see she wanted to reach out and comfort her dear friend.So,Ammara did it for the both of them and gave Rhaenyra’s hand a little squeeze.She squeezed back.The atmosphere in the room had changed and words left unsaid lingered in the air.
Aemma spoke into the silence.”Now take a bath,you stink of dragon”.she said with a sad smile curling at her lips.
Rhaenyra nodded and huffed out a little laugh.She kissed her mother on the head and made her way to the small council meeting.Ammara followed but not before she promised to visit Aemma later.
-
“So I said to him, well I do believe you might be looking up the wrong end!”
There was laughter around the table as Viserys recounted another one of his riveting stories.The men on his council laughed either they found it genuinely funny or they did it out of duty.Ammara believed the latter but she smiled as well.There was a certain humour to be found watching men lick each others arses.
Much his granddaughter,Lord Corlys was not amused.
“My Lords, the growing alliance among the Free Cities has taken to styling itself The Triarchy”,he got out of his seat and unfurled the map Ammara had drawn for him.”They have massed on Bloodstone and are presently ridding the Stepstones of it’s pirate infestation.”
“Well that sounds suspiciously like good news Lord Corlys”,Viserys said,probably irritated that they had to talk about something important.
Her grandfather continued,”A man called Craghas Drahar has taken to styling himself Prince-admiral of this Triarchy.They call him the crab feeder due to his inventive methods of punishing his enemies.”
It was at that moment Rhaenyra hurried into the small council chamber,late as usual after leaving Ammara to walk Alicent to the Tower of the Hand.
Viserys pretended to chastise his daughter,”Rhaenyra,you’re late,King’s cupbearer must not be late,it leaves people wanting for cups.”
”I was visiting mother.”,came the steady reply as she dutifully kissed her father on the cheek.
”On dragonback?”he asked.
Rhaenyra smiled in response and went to fetch the wine.
Corlys went back to his seat,his jaw set and she could tell he was irritated at being dismissed.
Lord Beesbury was quick to raise his own concerns,”Your Grace,at Prince Daemon’s urging the Crown has invested significant capital into the retraining and requipping of the City Watch.I thought you might urge your brother to fill his seat on the Council and provide an assesment of his progress as Commander of the Watch.”
Ammara liked Lord Beesbury,he was a bit fussy and stuck in his ways but he was honourable and good at his job.
The King ever defensive over his brother,jumped to protect him,”Do you think that Daemon is distracted by his present tasks?And that his thoughts and energies are occupied?”
”Well one would hope so considering the associated cost.”
”Well then let us all consider your gold well-invested Lord Beesbury.”,Viserys dismissed him.
All the lords turned their attention to her grandfather as he began speaking again.”I would urge that you not allow this Triarchy much latitude,your Grace.If those shipping lanes should fall,it will beggar our ports.
”The Crown has heard your report and takes it under advisement,Lord Corlys and takes it under advisement.”,came the grating reply from Otto Hightower.
Ammara felt irritation flare inside of her.They didn’t care now but they would when it affected them.
The Hand was quick to divert the King’s attention elsewhere.”Shall we discuss the Heir’s tournament,your Grace?”
Visery’s face lit up.”I would be delighted.Will the Maester’s name day prediction hold Mellos?”
”Well you must understand that these things are mere estimations,My king but we have all been poring over the moon charts and feel that our forecast is as accurate as it can be.”
”The cost of the Tournament is not negligible”,Lord Beesbury began.”Perhaps we might delay until the child is in hand?”
Ammara agreed with him to an extent but they could not just tell hundreds of nobles to turn back now.”Most of the Lords and knights are certainly on their way to Kings Landing already.To turn them back now-“
She was cut off by her good brother.”The tourney will take the better part of a week.Before the games are over my son will be born and the whole realm will celebrate.”
”We have no way of predicting the sex of the child.”,the Grand Maester cautioned.
”Of course,no maester’s capable of rendering an opinion free of conditions,are they now?”Viserys suddenly turned serious.”There’s a boy in the Queen’s belly,I know it.And my heir will soon put all this damnable hand-wringing to rest himself.”
Everybody around the table conceded and Ammara felt her stomach churn with all kinds of emotions.Pity for Rhaenyra at her father so blatantly ignoring her presence,anxiety for Aemma and anger at Viserys.But she was always angry at Viserys.She took a sip of her wine instead of gulping down in one like she wished,like her father always did.She acknowledged the King’s statement with a small nod and let the rest of the conversation fade to just noise.
-
Ammara walked along the halls of the Red Keep with a pounding in her head.She had just finished having an excruciating conversation with her grandfather about the Stepstones but then again all of their conversations were.She contemplated on how to spend the rest of her day.Rhaenyra had told her to come to the gardens with her and Alicent but she had to see Oryn,her twin brother as well.Oryn had been disinherited and cast out of Casterley Rock shortly after the death of their mother.Their father had found him in bed with one of the squires and cast him out of the castle battered and bruised,leaving Ammara alone.He’d never truly recovered,sinking deeper into his cups and reverting to violence.Sometimes,she thought he might go completely off rails but then he would do something that would remind her he was still that kind-hearted,gentle boy she grew up with.The boy who would defend her against their father’s anger,take hit after hit,hold her in his arms while she sobbed and soothe her fears.It had always been them.The two of them huddled in their childhood bed in the dark,the covers shielding them from the harshness of reality.Bound by blood and the water of the womb.
She soon found herself walking the familiar path to her brother’s rooms.When she reached the large,wooden doors she entered without knocking.
”Oryn?”
Her brother was predictably still asleep and she could just make it his black curls from where he was buried under the blankets.He had got their father’s hair while Ammara got a mix of the two.She sat down on the bed and shook him awake.
“Oryn get up you lazy cunt.”
”What”,he snapped in response as he propped himself up on the bed and turned to face her.
”It’s nearly midday and you’re still not up.”
”Just because you wake up at unholy hours doesn’t mean everyone else has to.”
”Uncle Jason and Uncle Tyland are coming in from Lannisport today for the tourney and they’ll be expecting you up so we can see to them.”
Oryn groaned,”I’d much rather stay asleep than have to spend any time in their presence.”
She slapped him on the head but she had to agree.Her uncles were both pretentious and incompetent respectively.Ammara couldn’t say she held them in particularly high regard but they were still family and she valued that to an extent.
“Alright fine,I’m getting up.”,he took a gulp of ale that rested by his bedside and continued.”Speaking of this tourney,do you know if your dear husband will be competing?”
“I doubt Daemon would miss the opportunity to brutally batter some knights half his age and call it a victory but to my knowledge he hasn’t re-emerged yet.”
Oryn let out a little chuckle in response and the two of them settled into a comfortable silence.A small part of Ammara hoped that if Daemon was back,he would have sought her out or at least sent a letter.She did truly want to see him,she couldn’t confess to being in love with him but like many young girls,she had always harboured a little crush on him.Not just because he was a dashing knight and a dragon rider but because he seemed pure in ways that others were not.Pure in the ways he wanted things and took them,in his emotions and who he was.It was an admirable thing and it endeared him to her.To Ammara,it seemed like Daemon just wanted to be loved,to be needed and she understood that deeply.Perhaps she spent too much time dwelling on a person who seemingly hated her but she liked to understand people and it was far easier to get inside other people’s mind than her own twisted one.After making some more idle conversation with her brother and ensuring he was actually going to get ready for the day,she slipped out of the room and headed to the Godswood to see Rhaenyra and Alicent.
-
As soon as she had gotten to the Godswood,Ammara had left again.Seeing Rhaneyra with a spring in her step and Valyrian steel necklace hanging around her throat meant Daemon was back.It was true enough that Rhaenyra got new jewellery often but this one was different.It was so perfect for her and only Daemon could’ve been the one to gift it.A token of their shared ancestry or perhaps a symbol of his affection for Rhaenyra.Ammara was all too aware of the feelings her husband held for his niece.The glances he would cast at her across the room,the longing in his eyes whenever he looked at her.Ammara couldn’t count the amount of times he had ignored her in favour of speaking to Rhaenyra or twirled her around the dance floor while Ammara watched,humiliated from her seat.When they were together,neither of them spared her a second thought and why would they?Blood calls to blood,fire calls to fire;it was the Targaryen way and no matter how much Ammara tried,she would never be what anyone wanted,especially Daemon.
Ammara suddenly stopped in the hallway once she realised she had no idea where she was walking.She was already close to her chambers so she decided to just get some work done in her solar until her uncles arrived.Her solar was conveniently attached to her chambers.They were technically Daemon’s chambers but he had yielded them to her when he left.Ammara attempted to read through some important documents but her mind kept drifting to Daemon.He was here in the Keep.She could go and seek him out.Force him into a confrontation but she had no desire to make a fool out of herself and she doubted anything would come of it either.In truth,Ammara didn’t know why the necklace bothered her so much she had to make up some petty excuse and leave almost immediately.But,she had always been sensitive.That’s what mother used to say,that she was “delicate”.Always working herself up into a state.Quick to tears.Ammara didn’t think of herself like that anymore.She wasn’t a child anymore,she was a princess now,a force to be reckoned with.But deep down,there was always that little girl whose father didn’t love her enough.Who spurned his daughter attention and gifts for his mistresses.Ammara couldn’t get rid of that child and she hated her.
It was dark by the time a servant knocked on her door to alert her of her uncles arrival.She hurried to greet them and collected Oryn on the way who complained the whole time of having to see them.
The two of them arrived just as her uncles stepped out of the carriage with their wives and Ammara’s cousins.The youngest of the horde ran up to her with his little arms outstretched and squealed in delight when she picked him up.They all looked the same to her but she was just about sure it was the middle child out of the three,Arne.
His father on the other hand was much more composed.
”Uncle Tyland and Uncle Jason,it’s good to see you.” Ammara said with the friendliest smile she could offer.
Her Uncle Jason spoke for the both of them.
”Likewise,Princess.”,he begrudgingly acknowledged her brother after a moment.”Oryn”
Oryn gave a respectful tip of his head.”Uncles.”
Ammara greeted her aunts in a similar fashion and doted on her younger cousins before ushering them all inside.She showed her family to their chambers,making polite conversation.But as there always was,there was an underlying tension present,nobody truly saying what needed to be said.Once everybody was safely deposited in their chambers,she promised to break her fast with them on the morrow and bid her good nights to everyone and made to leave for her own rooms.However,her Uncle Tyland called out for her,offering to escort her to her chambers and the two were making their way over to Maegor’s holdfast.
Ammara spoke first.”How’s father?”
She knew the answer to that question but it had been nagging at her for so long she had to ask it and she knew that her uncle wanted to discuss him.
“He’s not doing well Ammara.He’s drinking all the time and becoming violent,he hit a serving girl for spilling his wine and he has people whipped for anything he deems the smallest mistake.He just spends all his time in his rooms,he’s practically incapable of running Casterley Rock.I think-we think it’s best if you-“
“I’m not fucking going back.”
Her uncle sighed.”Ammara,listen-“
“No you listen to me.”,she snapped.”I manage accounts and look after what I can from here but I won’t go back to Lannisport.If father wants me,he can send for me.”
She couldn’t believe her uncle’s audacity to demand she go and govern the Westerlands in all but name because they were too fucking incompetent to help their family.It was no secret that her father was a drunk with a penchant for cruelty and that cruelty extended to his children in particular.Ammara hadn’t been back to Casterly Rock since she married Daemon.There was nothing there anymore but the ghosts of her past.
She turned to face her uncle as they approached her rooms,slightly calmer.”I have duties in Kings Landing now,Uncle.I can’t just abandon them because you can’t deal with your own brother’s behaviour.”
Her uncle seemed to understand what she didn’t say.That she couldn’t go back because it hurt.Because it physically pained her.He nodded in assent,defeat evident on his face.
“Goodnight,Ammara.”
“Goodnight,Uncle.”
As soon as she entered her chambers,Ammara called for her maids to ready her for sleep.She mulled over what her uncle said in her head.Truthfully,Tyland and Jason were both unfit to run Casterly Rock.Uncle Jason had an opium addiction that was slowly getting worse and Uncle Tyland liked to gamble away what little money he got as a third born son.Everybody had their vices in the family but Ammara and none of them would lose them anytime soon.As she lay alone in bed that night,Ammara wondered if it made her selfish,to stay in Kings Landing instead of going to rescue her family and assume her role as heir.But perhaps it was better to let them all destroy themselves.The world didn’t need anymore fucking Lannisters,not even her.