Chapter Text
Chuuya sits in his tub, at one in his element- water, The crystal clear water had gone cold as the time progressed on, the prunes on Chuuyas body making him resemble a naked grandma. That's one thing a burglar definitely would not want to meet. In the background was calming music, filled with the most annoying voice known to mankind. It did nothing but irk Chuuya, the opposite of its purpose. "Breathe in, Breathe out," It says. Fuck are you to choose what Chuuya does? He's independent. He makes his own choices. Not some 34 year old white women failed homewreaker whose job is probably as boring as her hair color. Now he's pissed but isn't he always? It's not his fault a certain bandage freak makes his day 3x worse than it needs to be. *CRASH* Speak of the devil. "Oh Chuuyyyaaa" The voice is distant and muffled but so recongizable to Chuuya.
"WHAT?" Chuuya yells
“Where are you at? :3"
"WELL LET ME LOOK AROUND AND TAKE A LOOK.”
“YEAAA!!! :3”
“whoaaa!! Im in france.”
“Chuuya we live in florida. >:(”
“I dont know man… Last time I checked I had rights''
“New york?”
“WHY ARE YOU PONDERING ON OUR LOCATION?? JUMP.”
“Hey man. Thats not very nice”
“If you have an issue with it… DEAL WITH IT.”
Then there’s silence. No more noise, just the peaceful sound of Chuuyas breathing.
Did dazai leave like a threatened child? Running to cry in the arms of the nearest woman? Or is this what it feels like to be in the eye of the storm? Should Chuuya run or let it be? As that one song says “A beat without a melody”. The shivers get to him. There’s nothing worse than not knowing whats gonna happen next. Well execpt for being naked and not knowing whats gonna happen next. In the terms of someone with a poor education its worser. *SWOOSSHH* Chuuya flinches before yelling “FUCK!” He had accidentally turned the faucet on. The cold water bringing an extra chill to his bath coaxing him into finally leaving the wash. He bends over to stop the water and unplug the drain. Ah. Theres the storm. Dazai rams into the door with all his might. Not only breaking the door down he also crashes into Chuuya causing both of them to fall it the water. *SPALSH!!!*
“WHAT THE FUCK BANDAGE FREAK??”
“My fault sugar lips”
“ID OUTTAH SUGAR MY LIPS UP YOUR ASS”
“Thats kinky Chuuya”
“IM GONNA POUND YOU”
“EWWW IM NOT INTO THAT”
“THAT DOESNT MATTER. GET OUT MY HOUSE DAZAI”
“I JUST GOT HERE???”
“BOOHOO.” Chuuya shoves Dazai off him.
.
.
.
“CHUUYYAA YOURE NAKED!!” Dazais arms flare up as he states the obvious. “AHHH NO MY EYESS”
“DAZAI FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU”
“MY EYESS! THATS WHATS WRONG CHUUYA!! IVE BEEN TAINTED.” Dazai pauses for a moment as he catches chuuya in his eyesight again. “Is that real?”
“Is what real?”
“Your ass and waist?”
“WHY ARE YOU LOOKING AT MY BUMM”
“ITS JUST THERE AND ITS LARGE HOW COULD I NOT?”
“HOW COULD YOU? GET OUT SO I CAN CHANGE”
“ID RATHER WATCH YOU PUT ON CLOTHES THAN HAVE THE LAST IMAGE OF YOU BE YOU BUTT BOOTY NAKED.”
“ID RATHER HAVE NEITHER!! MOVE BEFORE I EAT YOUR ASS”
“EWWWWW” Dazai runs out of the bathroom, face planting into the wall after Chuuya throws 3 spare towels at him.
“CHUUYA CHUUU!! I BROUGHT SOME ZA”
“I DONT SMOKE YOU EMO!!”
“DRINKING AND SMOKING IS THE SAME THING MAN”
“DONT PLAY WITH ME DAZAI I WILL BOMB YOU.”
________
Dazai and Chuuya sre sitting in a flat together, the room polluted with the taste of smoke and smell of alcohol. Two different substances. Two absolutely buzzed people.
“Dawg. What if two plus two equals four.” Dazai says. His mind far gone due to the definitly inconspicuois amount of green leaves on the low coffee table.
“But it's fourty dumbass.” Chuuya states equally as zooted but this time due to the 5 empty bottles crowding him.
“I SAID WHAT IF CHUUYAA”
“DONT ASK STUPID QUESTIONS DAZAI.”
“WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT??”
“STUPID SHITTY DAZAI. FUCK YOU SHITTY SHITTER. YOU MOM FUCKER. DEGENERATE BASTARD. BANDAGE FREAK” Chuuya continues to yell at Dazai. Fortuantly, we dont hear it. But I have to. Because i'm the Narrator and i'm writing this for you because it is the only option I have to leave this realm. And once I do I will come into your house. Anyway, subject to the countless onslaught of insults Dazai sucks his lips and his eyes water. “WAAAAAA CHUUYYAAAAA YOUR SO MEANNN”