Chapter Text
Beep.. Beep..
“I’m very sorry…”
Beep.. Beep..
“...a lot of omegas have infertility issues..”
Beep.. Beep..
“There are other options we can explore…”
Options. Yoongi didn’t want to hear what options there were. He listened to the machines beep as he looked around his hospital room, watching the faces of his mates. Seokjin, being the only Beta in the pack, was trying to pump his calming fresh rain scent through the room. Normally it would have the desired effect but it was no use for the current situation. He glanced over at his youngest packmate, his baby Alpha Jungkook. The younger man was blinking tears out of his eyes as he was being pulled down into Seokjin’s arms. Yoongi watched as he curled himself into Seokjin’s side, tucking his face into the beta’s neck.
Beep.. Beep..
“Please don’t let this deter you from starting a family…”
Yoongi found himself zoning out again as the doctor continued on. His eyes landed on his two remaining packmates, Hoseok and the pack Alpha Namjoon. The two were the picture of authority as they stood like stone listening to the doctor's words. They asked questions when appropriate and thanked the doctor for everything he’d done to try and save their pup. Yoongi felt a tear roll down his cheek as the doctor exited the room. He knew what was coming, all “we love yous” and “it’ll be okay.”
“Yoon-,” Namjoon started.
“Can we just talk at home please?”
Namjoon walked across the room and wrapped Yoongi in his arms. “Of course, let’s go home.”
The car ride was completely silent on the way home. Yoongi bolted from the car as soon as it was in park. There would be no talking tonight. He quickly walked through the house, ignoring his name being called, passing the packroom and locking himself into his private room. He needed to be alone right now.
This was the pack’s second loss, but for Yoongi it was the fifth. After the first miscarriage his mates were absolutely devastated. The sadness in their scents was almost too much for him to handle. When they decided to try again he started taking scent suppressants. He didn’t want the pack to be able to tell if he was pregnant until he felt like it was safe. Which is how he managed to hide the other miscarriages, but with this one he was farther along than with the others. It was supposed to be okay, he needed it to be okay. He wanted a pup, his pup.
It was just another thing to add to his list of “why he wasn’t a good omega.” Other than being somewhat smaller in stature, Yoongi had always felt and been told he wasn’t very omega-like. His scent was like freshly brewed coffee with notes of cinnamon, where most omegas had sweet enticing scents. His parents always told him he needed to at least appear soft and sweet since his scent was not very omega-like. He didn’t nest outside of his heats, and he barely did it then. He wasn’t overly domestic or nurturing either.
Yoongi was aware that a lot of his hangups about being an omega were based on omega stereotypes and hated it but growing up and constantly being told how “bad” of an omega he was. He battled his demons daily and those negative things played on a loop in his mind nonstop. However meeting his packmates had quieted the noise inside his mind for so long but those same thoughts were creeping back in, this time louder than ever. The one thing Yoongi knew he could do as an omega, even as a different omega, was have a pup. It was clear to him now he couldn’t even do that. His mates deserved to have pups, they deserved to have a real omega.
He wasn’t sure how long he had been in his room or when he had fallen asleep, but a knock on his door had his eyes snap open. “Yoongi, can we come in or do you want to come out?”
Of course they sent the baby alpha to him. They knew he could never say no to Jungkook. “I’m coming out. I’ll meet everyone in the living room.”
He sighed as he listened to the youngest shuffle away from his door. Yoongi wasn’t ready to talk but he knew his mates were worried about him and also sad for their pup. He stared into the darkness of his room for a few more minutes before he pulled a hoodie out of his closet and made his way down the hall and into the living room. The scents of his mates tinged with sadness hit him like a brick wall as he walked into the living room.
He schooled his face as he took a seat next to Jungkook on the loveseat. He could feel the tension in the room amp up as silence fell around them. He knew they were waiting on him to start the conversation, probably hoping he would say he wanted to explore the options the doctor had talked about. The truth was that he didn’t want to try those options. He knew it wasn’t fair to his mates but he didn’t want to try anymore, his heart couldn’t take another loss.
Someone cleared their throat causing everyone’s head to turn. “You all know I hate pulling rank, but as pack alpha I think we should all express how we’re feeling right now and what to do going forward.”
Namjoon shifted forward and looked Yoongi in his eyes with nothing but sincerity in his face. “This isn’t your fault. I know you and I know you’re in your head right now. What happened is not your fault and I'm so sorry this happened again. I know you’re probably feeling a bit more than the rest of us, but we’re a pack and we’re here for you. Seok, do you want to go next?”
Yoongi knew what Namjoon said was true, and he appreciated hearing it but he’d already made up his mind. “Actually, can I go next please?”
Hoseok nodded and Yoongi took a deep breath. “Um, I know the doctor said we shouldn’t let this deter us but I don’t think I can do this again. And I’m so sorry, but at least for right now, I don’t want to try again. That being said, I think you all should think about possibly courting another omega or omegas.”
“What the fuck..”
“No..”
“Yoongi..”
“Everyone stop!” Namjoon very rarely used his alpha voice, so hearing it shocked the room into silence. “Emotions are high right now and we shouldn’t jump to rash decisions.”
“I know this seems selfish of me but as of right now, my mind isn’t changing. I honestly don’t see it changing at all. I meant what I said, I think you all should think about it seriously. There’s no guarantee the treatments or whatever will work and the possibility that I’ll end up back in a hospital bed without a pup is higher than me ending up with one. I can’t do it again.”
Silence, again. Yoongi took a chance and glanced at their faces. Seokjin and Hoseok looked a little lost and confused but it was Jungkook and Namjoon that made him pause. They looked almost murderous. He knew if he told them the real reason why he didn’t want to try again, they’d understand but he refused. He needed them to see that he was doing this for them, and he didn’t want them to miss a chance of having a complete pack because of him.
The cushions shifted as Jungkook pressed himself against the back of the sofa. The younger man appeared to be trying to calm himself down, but was failing miserably as he kept clenching his fists. When he deemed himself somewhat in control, he turned to look at Yoongi. “I don’t want another omega. You’re our omega.”
“Jungkook, I’m not saying you have to. I’m just-”
“No! I don’t.. Why would you suggest something like that!”
Because I can’t give you what you want, he thought.
“Kook, he didn’t say we had to. He just said we should think about it,” Seokjin said quietly off to the side.
“But my question is why ? Why do you want us to find other omegas?”
“I’d like to know that as well,” Namjoon practically growled out.
“Okay everyone just wait,” Hoseok said standing up. “Let’s drop this for now and talk about this in a few days.”
Once again Yoongi made a beeline for his room. He locked the door and fell face first into his sheets. He knew the conversation wasn’t going to be an easy one but he didn’t expect anger to be a reaction, maybe that was naive on his part. But Namjoon and Jungkook being upset wasn’t going to change his mind.
Weeks and months had passed and the topic wasn’t brought up again. The day after the heated conversation hugs and kisses were given all around and they all fell back into their normal routines. The baby/courting omega topic became like Voldermort in their home, it was as if the conversation never even happened. Yoongi almost forgot what was discussed until he came home one day to Seokjin furiously cleaning the kitchen. While the beta often did housework, Yoongi knew the way Seokjin was cleaning was because he was nervous about something.
Yoongi stepped into the kitchen and pulled out one of the bar stools at the counter. “What’s wrong?”
“You scared the shit out of me!”
“Sorry, I wasn’t quiet though. What’s wrong?”
“Um, nothing.”
“Jin, you’re clearly lying. Plus you smell like the beginning of a storm.”
“Oh. Um, yea something happened or something has happened.”
“Something bad?”
“I don’t know, but I need to talk to everyone. I’d like to just say it at one time.”
Yoongi’s brows furrowed as he slid out of his seat and approached the beta. He wrapped the older man in a hug. “What’s wrong?”
Seokjin returned the hug but said nothing. “Can you ask everyone to come to the living room?”
The pack’s living room was starting to become Yoongi’s least favorite place. He had no idea what was bothering his eldest mate and looking around, the others didn’t either. Seokjin sat by himself playing with his fingers as his eyes shifted around the room.
“Does everyone remember a few months ago, Yoongi brought something up. Um, he said maybe we should think about courting another omega or omegas, whatever. That was never a thought in my mind. You all have to know that, especially Yoongi. I love you all so much and I would never do anything to jeopardize our bond. I.. I met someone maybe a month ago. I was grabbing coffee before a meeting and the barista was really nice. We um chatted for a little bit and I started going to this coffee shop pretty often. We just kept talking and then we started hanging out and I didn’t tell anyone and I knew it was wrong. I know it was, but I like him a lot. I’m not sure when it happened but my feelings for him changed and I knew I needed to tell you all.”
“I also need to say something.”
Yoongi’s head whipped around to look at Hoseok.
“I knew about Jin and the barista.”
“And you didn’t say anything because?” Jungkook asked, sounding very confused.
Hoseok ran his fingers through his hair. “Tae, I mean Taehyung um the barista, has a partner. Um his name is Jimin, they’re both omegas. They’ve been together since high school and moved here recently. I went to visit Jin at work one day and saw him with Tae as I was walking by the coffee shop. He introduced us and he was nice, really nice. After hanging out with them Tae introduced us to Jimin and we all just kinda hit it off.”
“Okay,” Namjoon sighed, “so you both have feelings for these two?”
“Yes.” Both said in quiet voices.
Seokjin stopped playing with his fingers and looked around at the others. “Seokie and I have talked about it and we know this is a lot to drop on you all, but we would really like you to meet them.”
“I don’t understand what the fuck is going on right now,” mumbled Jungkook. “So you’re what, courting them? Is that what’s happening here?”
“I can’t speak for Hoseok, but yes. They’ve both become important to me and I would like the pack to court them.”
“I.. I would also like for us to court them.”
“Are you okay with this?” Jungkook asked, turning to look at Yoongi.
You can’t be upset, you can’t be upset, Yoongi thought to himself .
He felt like he’d just been suckerpunched but he knew he couldn’t be angry, after all this was his idea wasn’t it? He wanted them to do this, he’s the one that planted the seed in their heads. Hoseok and Jin needed to know Yoongi was okay with this, even if he was screaming on the inside. He was beyond thankful he was still taking the scent suppressants, because his scent would have exposed everything.
“I’m okay with it Kook, I promise. So, when do we meet them?”
Later on that night in the pack’s bedroom Yoongi replayed the conversation they had earlier. He replayed the way Hoseok’s and Jin’s eyes lit up as they spoke about the two omegas they were completely taken with. They sounded perfect, they way Hoseok and Seokjin described them, they sounded like everything his pack deserved. He tried to keep reminding himself that this is what he
He curled himself around Namjoon’s sleeping form and prayed no tears would fall. And even though he was trying to convince himself that this is what he wanted, he was absolutely terrified for Namjoon and Jungkook to meet the two omegas. If Seokjin and Hoseok were so taken with the omegas then of course Namjoon and Jungkook would be as well. He wanted his mates to be able to have a complete pack but he didn’t want to lose them and he was terrified that that was exactly what was about to happen.