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Rayla took a deep breath and counted to three before letting it out. Then she raised her fist, hesitated, and knocked softly on Callum's door. "Callum, it's me. Can I come in?"
She heard some banging inside before footsteps approached, and the door swung open. Callum looked at her, his brown hair disheveled in the way that meant he had been concentrating on something, and pale blue shadows hung under his eyes. He looked at her wearily before giving her a wane smile and stepping aside. Rayla's heart broke, and she stepped timidly into his room. He shut the door and perched on the inn bed.
"what is it?"
Rayla turned her back to him and looked out the window at the moon. The soft light cast its pale armor around her, and she steeled herself. 'Garlath give me strength.' Rayla thought.
"When I was a wee elf, mah parents left me with Runnan and Ethari to serve Queen Zubea as Dragon Guards. When they told me that they had been summoned by the queen and were traveling to the Storm Spire, I didn't understand. I was so angry at them. I wouldn't look at mah da, wouldn't speak to mah mum for a few days afterward. I thought that they didn't love me anymore. But one night, I happened to look into Mum's eyes and saw the pain, pride, and duty swirling in them. And I couldn't ignore them any longer."
Rayla started pacing, and she heard Callum shuffle behind her, but she couldn't look at him. "They told me it was their duty to me, the other Moonshadow children, the dragons, and Xadia to protect the dragon egg. I wanted so badly to go with them. They said that I couldn't, that I still had a lot of growing up to do, and that they hoped I understood someday. I didn't, though, as I watched them walk away from Silvergrove - as I moved in with Runnan and Ethari. It wasn't until Ethari and Runnan showed me that sometimes loving means making sacrifices - that you have to do what's necessary so that the ones you love don't have to - that I began to understand why they left. And years of training and then learning how mah parents sacrificed themselves to protect the egg, which gave us the chance to bring peace to the world, helped me truly understand what it meant to love fiercely and with your whole heart. Or at least I thought I did."
Rayla finally turned to face Callum, his eyes watery and sad. "Oh, Rayla…" he started.
"Please, don't," She sniffed. "I need to finish.
She sat on the bed and curled her knees to her chest. "I left to protect you. Because all the love I've known has been self-sacrificing. I left you because I didn't want you to get hurt. Viren took everything from me, and I didn't want him to take you as well. But I didn't realize until later that by leaving you, by lying to you, I hurt you in a different way. Leaving you and disappearing for two years was the worst mistake of mah life.. In a way, I lost you to Viren too. And it's all my fault." She banged a fist against her thigh.
"I am so sorry, Callum, for all the pain I've caused. I'm so sorry for lying to you, for not respecting your choices, for not coming back, for not writing or letting you know that I was alright, and for not apologizing the moment I returned to Katolis. I was so scared and guilty, and I deluded mahself into thinking that we could go back to the way we were before I messed everything up. But we can't, and I can't stand this distance, this indecision, ... this tension between us any longer without doing something to fix it ."
Rayla buried her face in her hands. She didn't understand how he had managed to be so civil with her for the past few weeks. She certainly didn't deserve his forgiveness, didn't deserve the smile and soft look he reserved only for her, or the space in his sketchbook. Yet somehow, even after she had hurt him so terribly, he still was there. Broken and battered but still standing. Her guiding moon.
Rayla felt a hand touch her shoulder, and the bed dipped as Callum sat beside her. He pulled her up to the head of the bed so they could lay their heads on the headrest and sat shoulder to shoulder with his hands fidgeting in his lap. They sat in silence as Rayla pulled herself together and wiped her eyes. Callum took her hand in his and gave a gentle squeeze.
"Thanks for apologizing," he said, his voice scratchy from crying. "I don't know if it fixes everything, but it's a start."
He tipped his head back and looked at the ceiling. "So many times, I've wanted to forgive and forget, to pretend that you were on a mission that would bring you home in a few day's time. That you were hunting for moonberries around the castle, or practicing with Soren, or taking your nightly run across the rooftops. You were everywhere and nowhere at the same time, and it was torture. The first few weeks after you left, I was a mess. I still am, but I just got better at hiding it. I would lay on my bed, clutching the note you left in my hand. I spent so long agonizing over why you left. Was I not tough enough, not smart enough to make my own choices, not good enough for you to stay? I wouldn't eat or get up, and I scared Ezran so much. I think that's why I finally forced myself to get up. I just couldn't stand him coming into my room every day, crumbling as the weight of the world bore down on him. I couldn't do that to him. Not when he had already lost Dad, had lost you."
Rayla opened her mouth to utter another apology, but Callum stopped her. "I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilter; I just need to get this off my chest."
He rubbed slow circles on the back of her hand and continued. "I got obsessed with magic. I went into Viren's study and devoured his books on magic. I wrote to Lujanne and Ibis and had them send me books to study. I got really good at it," Callum gave a self-deprecating smile. "Figures, when you spend all your days obsessing over something. Ezran definitely still worried about me, but I think he was glad I was up and about. A few months later, Ezran made me the court mage. Every day, I poured over magic, and yet you were always on my mind. I didn't know if you were hurt; if you had found Viren; or if you were even alive. And when you came back, I was so conflicted. I had wanted so much to forgive you while you were gone, but when you were in my room, I was so angry. I wanted to never see you again...I wanted you to never leave. I thought maybe I could let go of the past and move on, but every time I see you, I'm reminded of the hole that you left in my heart. And by the gods, does it hurt. But I think now it might be ready to start healing. I think I'm ready to forgive you."
Rayla looked at him with sad hope in her eyes.
"I don't understand how you don't hate me." She confessed.
"I don't know if I can ever completely forget, and it will take time for me to trust you again completely, but I'm so tired of being angry. Even at my angriest, I never stopped loving you. And I want to start something new. I don't want to be stuck in the past any longer.
Callum met her gaze as they gave each other tentative smiles, and the last remaining tension slipped quietly away as if it were a shadow being chased by the sun.
"I will spend the rest of my life earning back your trust, Callum," Rayla said solemnly. "I can't promise that the road ahead will be easy or that Aaravos won't try to separate us or to turn us against one another, but I promise that I will fight with all mah being to stay by your side, to bring joy and happiness to your life, to rebuild this relationship on a stronger foundation than before."
Rayla tilted her head closer to his shoulder but hesitated until he gave a nod before resting it there.
"I don't really want to be alone tonight," Callum said after a while. "But I'm not ready to share a bed again."
"I can bring my bedroll and sleep on the ground." Rayla got up to retrieve her things, but Callum didn't let go of her hand.
"You can use my bedroll as extra padding."
Rayla looked at him fondly. His green eyes were brighter than she had remembered seeing for a long time, and he gave her that special smile that made her heart come alive with a happy pitter-patter. "Sappy prince," she said affectionately, squeezing his hand before releasing it.
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In the moonlight, two figures got comfy in the Prince's room; one in her and Callum's bedrolls and the other in the bed. Callum shuffled and sighed contently.
“Night Rayla.”
“G’night Callum,”
Things were still messy, and only time would allow for true healing, but for the moment, a peacefulness graced the room as the moon blanketed them under the same beam of light. 'My guiding moon,' was Rayla's last thought before she succumbed to the first restful sleep she'd had in a long time.