Chapter Text
to someone, I’m spring
to another, winter
I’m the end to someone and the start to another
I’m happiness to someone and the soul to another
Remember we’re always together anywhere
I’ll always console your life
So just lean on me and rest sometimes- Song Request; Lee Sora, Suga.
In the hectic new life of Atsushi Nakajima—an orphan who had been taken in by a strange man in bandages, and his partner, an equally strange man but without bandages—he had somehow become on good terms with the rabid dog of the mafia. He didn’t know how it got to this point either.
Atsushi had been sitting on the riverside, slowly starving to death, contemplating stealing for survival but being unable to bring himself to do it. Then he saw him. Not in a ‘he saw him’ moment but rather in a ‘what the fuck what the fuckwhatthefuck’ moment. Him being Dazai Osamu, floating down the river, drowning. Atsushi fished him out, Dazai offered to feed him, and Kunikida actually fed him. And long story short, he was blackmailed into joining the Armed Detective Agency.
Somehow, by saving a weird man, Atsushi had saved himself from his own lonely existence and stumbled his way into gaining a family friends. The Agency was filled with kind, albeit strange, people who easily settled into Atsushi’s heart and (he hoped) he in theirs.
Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, the Rabid Dog of the Mafia, was someone Atsushi did not meet and immediately like. In fact, when they met, Akutagawa was a total dick. Annoying and mean, those were the words Atsushi would have used to describe him.
Then Atsushi had been sent on a mission to face off with the leader of the Guild, an organization that had put up a bounty on him, only for Akutagawa to be there too. He’d been his usual dick-ish self but…
He’d said something. A few words that had Atsushi faltering.
The words from your past are fundamentally meaningless. They do not dictate who you are now.
Was it that simple?
Akutagawa was still an ass, but he’d fought alongside Atsushi, sort of. Had dragged him away to safety afterwards, too.
And… it was different now. Atsushi no longer felt that same sharp irritation and anger, now that he knew him more.
It helped that they had grown into a habit of running into each other frequently. At the grocery store, the laundry mat, and embarrassingly enough that one time Atsushi was running errands in his pajamas.
After the Cannibalism Incident, Atsushi could safely say that Akutagawa was no enemy of his. More like a persistent rival swearing to kill him. But not an enemy.
Atsushi wouldn’t say he was good at reading other people’s feelings towards him —or understanding relationships —but he was plenty confident that Akutagawa no longer viewed him as the worst thing ever. So… no longer enemies.
These were the thoughts floating through Atsushi’s head as he walked around the grocery store he frequented. It was a little further away but it had some pretty good deals, which was extra important now that Kyouka lived with him. The Agency didn’t pay poorly, but Atsushi (and Kyouka) had nothing to their name before coming to live at the dorms. So a lot of their money went to things like furniture or other household items that the other Agency members already had. Well, other than Dazai; but Atsushi had convinced him to buy a couch the other day (with some mafia guy he was potentially in love with’s money) after pointing out that they could hang out easily if there was somewhere to sit, and by pointing out that furniture was expensive so his mafia guy would be irritated. He also brought up Kunikida’s name, with a mental apology to him, but apparently, Kunikida had been on Dazai’s case about buying literally anything to make his dorm less creepy, so Dazai thought he’d be too delighted about Dazai becoming closer to his Ideal Hard-Working Dazai to be mad about the lost money. That made sense to Atsushi, for all of Kunikida’s complaints and lectures, he was very generous with his money. He was most of the reason Atsushi had more than just a futon when Kyouka came to live with him.
Anyway, the point was, Atsushi was poor - and he would be until he could focus only on things like food and other necessities and not worry about their dorm being furnished. Personally, Atsushi was fine with his singular futon, singular outfit, and utensils only for one person; but with the agency’s (especially Kunikida’s) concern and occasional gifts, and with Kyouka living there too, he had been motivated to make his apartment as homely as possible. Kyouka deserved the best. And perhaps he deserved a little bit more than the bare necessity if the agency was to be believed.
And, Atsushi thought, gripping the end of the strawberry cardigan he was wearing (gifted by Kyouka), it was nice to have options.
Thinking of his family friends, made his steps lighter and his face to fall into a smile even as he put back the more expensive brand of tea to grab a cheaper alternative.
“Your taste is abhorrent,” came a voice Atsushi recognized with ease by now. He sighed and turned to see Akutagawa standing there, supporting the most disgusted expression Atsushi had ever seen on his face, even through sunglasses.
“It’s not about taste,” Atsushi huffed, turning back and hoping he’d go away, “it’s not practical to indulge in expensive tea.”
“It is if you do not want your taste buds to shrivel and die pathetically,” Akutagawa replied.
“Shut up. The taste won’t be so bad.” Also, Atsushi was pretty sure his taste buds had already shriveled up and died after he’d tried that soup Dazai had made for him. It was back when he’d still had trouble saying no to him, especially when he’d gone out of his way to do something kind for him. He’d gotten a lecture from Yosano afterward about not drinking poison, over complaints from Dazai that his soup was not poisonous and he’d made it with a lot of care; and then a lecture from Kunikida too about not trusting Dazai to not be horrifically bad at basic life skills; and then, finally, a lecture from President Fukuzawa about being careful.
“It will,” Akutagawa said, glaring at him and then letting his eyes wander down Atsushi’s body, and snapping back up with an even more intense look on his face, “What the hell are you wearing?”
“Oh, this?” Atsushi said, smiling happily and moving his cart away to do a little spin that he’d no doubt lay awake at night and cringe over for at least a week, but was currently too happy to not show off a gift his little sister in all but blood (and also in all but any legal way) had given him. “Kyouka gave it to me! Isn’t it so cute?”
Akutagawa coughed and looked away. Then he took the more expensive tea Atsushi had put back, and threw it at him, with only instinct letting Atsushi catch it. He glared at Akutagawa.
“What the hell was that for!?” Before he could scold him, however, Akutagawa threw his wallet at him too. And then he turned around and left, leaving behind his own cart and ignoring Atsushi’s confused shouts.
Akutagawa was a strange man. And a rich man, if the weight of his wallet was anything to go by. Atsushi wondered if he had meant for Atsushi to spend his money to buy better tea. It was strange, but the only thing that made sense.
Atsushi gripped the tea and wallet and tried to fight off the sudden heat on his cheeks. That was a strangely sweet thing to do.
Though, Atsushi thought, as he took out just enough bills to get the tea, why wouldn’t he just give Atsushi money for the tea? Why did he give him his wallet, filled with cash, cards, and a few fake IDs he’d be appalled at if he hadn’t seen almost everyone at the Agency accidentally take out their fake ones at least once when asked for their ID. (The president had told him to clear out a day to get his own soon, too. And to take someone so he could find someone who could make a convincing one. At least one.)
As Atsushi paid and left, he wondered where he could find Akutagawa to give him his wallet back. They usually just ran into each other. Should Atsushi just keep it on him? Should he wait until his next paycheck to add back the money he’d taken? Though if he did that, and Akutagawa had not intended for him to pay it back (because by paying it back it would seem like Atsushi thought Akutagawa was purposefully being kind and that gave Akutagawa the hives) he’d be grumpy and dickish.
Still, Atsushi didn’t want to leave it unacknowledged.
Atsushi walked into the dorm building, still unsure what to do. He sighed and barely flinched at Kunikida’s shouts and Dazai’s laughter, not even bothering to wonder why the two were both in the same dorm. He also ignored the sounds of petrified screams from Yosano’s dorm. He was getting really good at that. Typically everyone quieted down later at night, especially after they realized that because of Atsushi’s ability, he was extra sensitive to sounds.
Atsushi unlocked his door and walked in, calling out that he was home for Kyouka and went to put away the groceries.
He was putting away the strawberries he’d bought when he remembered Akutagawa’s reaction to his cardigan. He didn’t seem like the kind to like cute things (at least not cute clothes - Atsushi had seen him stop to pet cats when he thought no one was looking (and in his defense, it was only Atsushi watching, too far away for the normal eye to catch; and only because he always seemed to know when Akutagawa was near)). Maybe he just really liked strawberries.
Suddenly an image of Rashomon opening her jaws and biting Atsushi in his strawberry cardigan, thinking him the fruit, entered his mind, and he half shuddered and half choked on a laugh.
Maybe, Atsushi thought, dismissing his vision, and pulling the strawberries back out, he could make him strawberry muffins.
“What are you staring at the strawberries?” Kyouka asked, walking towards the grocery bags and starting to pull stuff out.
“I’m considering if I should make strawberry muffins for Akutagawa,” Atsushi replied. Then paused when Kyouka paused, and backtracked, “I mean, I’d make them just because. I’d just give some to Akutagawa. I mean, I’m not making them for him.”
Kyouka stared at him.
“Why would you give him anything?” She continued putting stuff away.
“Ah,” Atsushi laughed nervously, “he paid for the tea.” Kyouka stared at the box of the tea.
“Tell him you’ll bake him anything as long as he continues to pay.” It seemed her distaste for Akutagawa was not as strong as her desire to buy good food without worrying about cash. Atsushi laughed.
“I’m not going to do that. Plus, what makes you think he’ll continue to pay just for a few baked treats?” Atsushi laughed; it would be funny if Akutagawa suddenly became less stubborn because of a few baked goods though.
Kyouka walked closer and peered at him with earnest eyes. “Anyone would do anything for anything you bake.” Atsushi blushed a little and smiled at the flattery.
“Is that so? Do you think I can get Dazai-san to do his paperwork like that too? It would save Kunikida a lot of stress.” Kyouka nodded, taking his jest seriously.
“He would.”
Atsushi laughed again, patting her head and letting the conversation stop. He really enjoyed having such a sweet sister.
Atsushi did end up baking strawberry muffins. He made enough to pack some carefully for Akutagawa; take some to the agency; and still have leftovers for Atsushi and Kyouka to enjoy at home. He thought he’d overdone it a little, but Kyouka was delighted.
So was the agency when he’d brought them in; pausing briefly at the Cafe to offer the workers there one, despite them being surrounded by baked goods constantly. Lucy took one but the other waitress declined because she got to take a lot of the stuff that they didn’t sell home.
At the Agency, Ranpo had tried to stuff all of the muffins into his mouth immediately, but Yosano held him back so everyone got to grab one, putting one away for Dazai who only came to work when he wanted. When Ranpo got in, it would take a miracle to snatch one away from his grip.
Atsushi knew this quite well, personally, as Ranpo occasionally picked the lock of his apartment when Atsushi was baking and indulged himself with whatever thing Atsushi was baking. Atsushi understood why Kunikida blocked his door and windows before he baked, but he enjoyed Ranpo’s enjoyment. Even if he’d once watched Ranpo eat pre-iced cookies, and at Atsushi’s insistence for him to wait until he was done icing, take the bowl of icing and eat a spoonful while maintaining eye contact.
Atsushi had the neatly packed batch for Akutagawa in his bag, away from Ranpo’s curious eyes (though who was he kidding - Ranpo already knew about them; Atsushi needed to keep his bag close by) along with Akutagawa’s wallet. At lunch he’d approach Ranpo, he had decided, and hope he was in an indulging mood for the sake of the muffins and ask where he could find Akutagawa.
Dazai came in an hour after he was supposed to and after noticing the muffins made his way to get his own. Just as he was about to bite, Kyouka approached him seriously.
“Atsushi said you could only have yours if you did your paperwork," she explained to him, apparently taking Atsushi’s joke from the other night seriously. Dazai immediately broke into a dramatic whine and Atsushi was about to explain that it had been a joke, but Kunikida seemed delighted and Dazai had made his way to Atsushi and was shaking him with one hand, muffin carefully held by the other, still whining, and it made it hard to speak.
“Atsushi kindly provided us with the muffins,” Kunikida interjected, pulling Dazai away from Atsushi, “the least you can do is follow what he says.”
Atsushi didn’t think Dazai would listen, but he sat down and pulled up a report, only pausing his work to sadly bite into his muffin and aim puppy eyes at Atsushi that caused Kunikida to throw a pen at him every time.
He only ended up doing one report while eating the muffin, but it was quicker than usual. Kunikida was delighted, patting Dazai’s head when he realized he’d finished one, which caused Dazai to stiffen and stare at Kunikida wide-eyed briefly before he masked himself back into his usual Dazai self.
Dazai was a strange guy, Atsushi thought.
The day continued on, with only one case taken by Junichiro and Kenji and everyone else stuck on desk duty. Ranpo was playing games and eating his many snacks, like usual. Kunikida was intensely at work on his reports. Yosano and the President were in their offices. Kyouka and Atsushi were also diligently working on their paperwork.
Dazai, after quickly finishing his one report, was slowly working his way onto his others. Sighing and pouting every few minutes. He was the first person to spring up when it was lunchtime, dashing away, with Kunikida hurriedly finishing his own work to follow, shouting after him to actually take the time to eat and not wander around doing god knows what.
Atsushi packed his bag and cautiously made his way to Ranpo.
“I wondered when I would see you,” Rnapo said, not looking up at him and smiling mysteriously, “Just kidding! I knew you’d wait until lunch.”
Atsushi chuckled nervously, mentally preparing how to say his case.
“I’ll be kind and tell you today, but don’t get used to it!” Ranpo said, pausing to reach over and grab one of the muffins stacked on his desk (he wouldn’t let anyone else eat it, but had added it to his snack pile).
“Thank you, Ranpo-san,” Atsushi replied, hiding his bag behind himself when Ranpo eyed it. Ranpo told him where to find Akutagawa and Atsushi bid him a ‘see you later!’ and headed out, telling Kyouka to eat without him; he’d grab something on his way back.
Akutagawa was exactly where Ranpo had said he’d be - lurking at some alley, eyeing the cats and standing up still when he noticed Atsushi.
“Akutagawa!” Atsushi called out, even though he’d already noticed him.
“Jinko,” Akutagawa replied, staring at him blankly. “You are not wearing that… cardigan?”
“Ah,” Atsushi laughed, rubbing his neck awkwardly, “I’m working right now! And I don’t always wear the same clothes.” Akutagawa didn’t reply, but his expression conveyed a serious amount of doubt.
Rude.
Atsushi huffed and decided to just get this over with. He reached into his bag and took out the wallet and the muffins. “Here. I wanted to give you your wallet back.”
He flinched when Rashomon shot forward and grabbed it. Akutagawa took the wallet and peeked inside.
“Did you not use anything? How stupid.”
Atsushi squawked in protest.
“I bought the tea! Honestly, if you wanted me to buy it, you should've just given me enough money for it! Not thrown the entire wallet!”
Akutagawa stared at him like he was the stupidest person he had ever met, but then sighed and put his wallet away, moving to leave. Atsushi stopped him, by shoving the muffins at him.
“Here,” he said, not meeting his eye, knowing that if he did so his blush would worsen, “I made these for you. I mean-” he choked on his words and paused before continuing, “I made these just because. And then I thought I’d give you some. Because you paid for the tea. Thank you.”
Akutagawa did not take the muffins, nor did he reply. Instead, there was utter silence, and for a moment Atsushi thought he’d simply left. When he looked over to double-check, though, he was still there, staring at Atsushi as if he was a strange creature.
“Um,” Atsushi said intelligently, taking a few steps closer and pushing the muffins out towards him more, “Take them.”
“Is this a joke?” Akutagawa replied, still not taking the muffins, still staring.
“What?” Atsushi asked, confused, “Why would it be a joke?”
“You …” Akutagawa stared more, “...made me muffins?”
“Yes,” Atsushi replied, slowly as if he was talking to a child. “I made you muffins.”
Akutagawa still did not take them; still stared. Atsushi sighed, frustrated. He reached over, risking Akutagawa and Rashomon’s wrath to grab Akutagawa’s hand; taking a moment to note how soft it was, and put the muffins on his hand, nodded at him, and then turned and left. Akutagawa watched him leave.
Atsushi felt the softness of Akutagawa’s hand long into the day; after lunch; after his shift; and at night as he lay staring at his hand, wondering what it would be like to properly hold and then dismissing the thoughts as post 9:00 pm crazy thoughts.