Chapter Text
Kazuichi Souda made a group chat
Kazuichi Souda added 15 people to the chat
Kazuichi Souda changed their name to Dr. Pepper
Dr. Pepper changed the chat name to Get Therapy Damnit
Get Therapy Damnit 2:04am
Dr. Pepper: >:D
Get Therapy Damnit 7:56am
Hajime Hinata: two things
Hajime Hinata: 1 wtf is this
Hajime Hinata: 2 why tf were you awake at 2:04am Souda
Nagito Komaeda changed their name to Burnt
Nagito Komaeda changed Hajime Hinata’s name to Ahornge
Burnt: it’s a group chat
Ahornge: gdi
Gundam Tanaka: SHARP TOOTHED MORTAL WHY HAVE YOU ADDED ME TO THIS COMMUNICATION ROOM?!
Dr. Pepper changed Gundam Tanaka’s name to Falling in Reverse
Dr. Pepper: it’s for the class
Chiaki Nanami changed their name to minceraft
minceraft: personally I think this is a great idea
Dr. Pepper: THANK YOU! At least someone appreciates me >:c
minceraft: I just gotta change one thing
Dr. Pepper: :0
minceraft changed Sagishi’s name to Ejected
minceraft changed Hiyoko Saionji’s name to Minion
minceraft changed Peko Pekoyama’s name to Chimkin
minceraft changed Fuyuhiko Kuzuruyu’s name to Don Wazowski
minceraft changed Mikan Tsumiki’s name to TT^TT
minceraft changed Ibuki Mioda’s name to crawling in my skin
minceraft changed Mahiru Koizumi’s name to Spotlight
minceraft changed Teruteru Hanamura’s name to *gestures in italian*
minceraft changed Akane Owari’s name to Cronch
minceraft changed Nekomara Nidai’s name to Monch
minceraft changed Sonia Nevermind’s name to Rosalina
minceraft: >:3c
Dr. Pepper: o this is great
Ahornge: imma just
Ahornge added Izuru Kamakura to the group chat
Ahornge changed Izuru Kamakura’s name to bitch
Ahornge: I got him his own phone so he doesn’t use mine
Get Therapy Damnit 3:42pm
Don Wazowski: @Falling in Reverse hey can u do me a favor
Falling in Reverse: DEPENDS ON WHAT TASK YOU WISH TO REQUEST FROM ME!
Don Wazowski: get fucked
Falling in Reverse: …
minceraft: akduhdbwksjdgbdjai
Cronch: wheeze
Ahornge: I can’t believe Gundam’s dead
Falling in Reverse: WHAT ARE YOU SPEAKING OF NORMAL ONE? I AM CLEARLY STILL AMONG THE REALM OF THE LIVING!
Rosealina: its a figure of speech Gundam
Falling in Reverse: OH!
Dr. Pepper: isudhdnskusgshskag
Minion: you keysmashed?
Minion: fuckin bottom
Dr. Pepper: ur not wrong but did you need to call me out like that?
Minion: perish
Dr. Pepper: jsusgsbskusgsvsk
Get Therapy Damnit 7:58pm
Dr Pepper: oh yeah no I hate myself lol
Dr Pepper: so anyways
Don Wazowski: ur in ur room right
Don Wazowski: im omw
Dr Pepper: haha wot
Dr Pepper: he’s probably joking
Dr Pepper: so as I was sawkejudgebsndiy
Chimkin: cant believe Souda’s dead
minceraft: f
Ahornge: f
*gestures in italian*: f
Burnt: f
Ejected: f
Spotlight: f
Minion: f
Monch: f
TT^TT: f
crawling in my skin: f
Cronch: f
Rosalina: are we just going to ignore what souda said before fuyuhiko broke into his room
Chimkin: yes
Rosalina : ah
Get Therapy Damnit 12:37pm
Dr. Pepper: @Falling in Reverse I need you to punch someone from our son’s class they made him cry >:c
Falling in Reverse: WHO DARES HARM THE OFFSPRING OF THE GREAT GUNDAM TANAKA!!
Dr. Pepper: shuichi told him that he’s alone and he always will be
Falling in Reverse: HOW DARE THAT PATHETIC MORTAL SPOUT SUCH LIES TO OUR PRINCE! I WILL SEND MY TWELVE ZODIAC GENERALS TO SHOW HIM WHAT HELL TRULY IS!
*gestures in italian*: aight I’m gonna ask bc apparently no one else is
*gestures in italian*: who tf is ur son
Dr. Pepper: Kokichi Ouma
*gestures in italian*: that little purple kid in the class below us?
*gestures in italian*: the one who always lies and pulls pranks?
Dr. Pepper: yes
*gestures in italian*: yeah that checks
minceraft: makes sense
minceraft: nobody acts like that without having some sort of trauma and you have a motherhen instinct Souda
Dr. Pepper: I’d be offended but he’s literally asleep on me rn so I can’t really deny it
minceraft: kaishfjdjwugabdkfudh
minceraft: momda
Dr. Pepper: do not
Rosalina: you should add him once he’s feeling better!!
Dr. Pepper: that’s a great idea
Dr. Pepper: he needs actual friends!
minceraft: alisydgdjwkdgbwksidgdv
minceraft: you’re just gonna drag his class like that
Dr. Pepper: mercilessly
minceraft: wheeze
Get Therapy Damnit 6:52pm
Dr. Pepper has added Kokichi Ouma to the chat!
Dr. Pepper has changed Kokichi Ouma’s name to gwape juiwce!
gwape juiwce: owo whats this
Minion: finawwy a pewson of cuwtuwe
gwape juiwce: I wike you wet’s be fwiends
Minion: heww fucking yes
gwape juiwce: UwU
Minion: èwé
Ahornge: oh shit, oh fuck, there’s two of them
Dr. Pepper: y’all can continue ur conversation in a sec
Dr. Pepper: @everyone introduce yourselves
Minion: hewwo new best fwiend im hiyoko saionji
Spotlight: Hi! I’m Mahiru Koizumi, and @Minion I thought I was your best friend :c
Minion: ur my girlfriend that’s different
gwape juiwce: ah hell yes lesbeans
Minion: @Dr. Pepper I wanna keep him
Dr. Pepper: wheeze
Dr. Pepper: he’s ours now class 79 can fucking fight us
minceraft: hi kokichi! im chiaki nanami
gwape juiwce: fuck yeah minecraft
minceraft: do you think we can smuggle him into our class
Rosalina: nice to see you again Kokichi! and nanami bold of you to assume anyone can stop us
Monch: I’M NEKOMARU NIDAI!!!!!
gwape juiwce: lovin the enthusiasm
Cronch: I’M AKANE OWARI AND ANYONE WHO WANTS TO HURT YOU HAS TO GET THROUGH ME!!!
Monch: AND ME!!!
gwape juiwce: I have never felt so safe in my life
Ejected: I’m the Ultimate Imposter, I don't have a name but many call me Sagishi.
TT^TT: I’m Mikan Tsumiki
*gestures in italian*: I’m Teruteru Hanamura! Do you have any allergies?
gwape juiwce: shellfish
Ahornge: I’m Hajime Hinata and @Bitch is Izuru Kamakura, the result of human experimentation. Sadly we share a body :/
gwape juiwce: f
Burnt: Is that you wittwest viwwain
gwape juiwce: middwe viwwain it is indeed I
Burnt: you do weawize i’m going to have to teww biggest viwwain about youw cwass wight
gwape juiwce: …
gwape juiwce: fuck
Don Wazowski: I’m Fuyuhiko Kuzuruyu
gwape juiwce: owo
Don Wazowski: do not
gwape juiwce: :c
Chimkin: I’m Peko Pekoyama and @Don Wazowski you made the bean sad
Chimkin: run
Don Wazowski: oh fucanbshdudusgnskwysvsb
Chimkin: f
gwape juiwce: f
Minion: f
Cronch: f
Burnt: f
Monch: f
Ahornge: f
TT^TT: f
Spotlight: f
Ejected: f
minceraft: f
*gestures in italian*: f
crawling in my skin: hi kichi I’m ibuki mioda :D
crawling in my skin: also
crawling in my skin: f
Falling in Reverse: f
Dr. Pepper: f
Rosalina: f
gwape juiwce: @crawling in my skin ur my sister now
gwape juiwce: you gave me a nickname
gwape juiwce: you showed me love & affection
gwape juiwce: ur stuck with me now
crawling in my skin: IBUKI GLADLY ACCEPTS NEW BABY BROTHER!!!!!!!!!!
gwape juiwce: (*≧∀≦*)
crawling in my skin: ☆*:. o(≧▽≦)o .:*☆
Dr. Pepper: @Falling in Reverse was the mission successful
Falling in Reverse: DO NOT FEAR MY QUEEN MY TWELVE ZODIAC GENERALS REIGNED HELL UPON THOSE WHO WOULD DARE HURT OUR OFFSPRING!
gwape juiwce: wot
Dr. Pepper: oh fuck
Dr. Pepper: abort abort abort
Dr. Pepper is offline!
Falling in Reverse is offline!
gwape juiwce: cowards
Minion: wheeze
Get Therapy Damnit 5:39pm
Minion: @gwape juiwce ya know what
Minion: fuck you
Minion: unkazuichi’s ur souda
gwape juiwce: nooooooooooooooo
Don Wazowski: wtf
Dr. Pepper: damn
Dr. Pepper: can’t believe I’m dead :/
minceraft: aisidydhsjajudhxbdnsftsgv
Minion: bottom
minceraft: im just a lesbean hiyoko
Minion: fucj
gwape juiwce: fucj
Dr. Pepper: fucj
minceraft: fucj
Minion: >:0!!
Minion: QwQ Even you bestie how couwd you
gwape juiwce: UмU im sowwy bestie but it had to be done
Dr. Pepper: @gwape juiwce tmw is the first day of classes since we decided to steal you do you know the plan
gwape juiwce: show up to ur class ur teacher will cover for me
Dr. Pepper: ☚(ﾟヮﾟ☚)
gwape juiwce: ☚(ﾟヮﾟ☚)
Get Therapy Damnit 7:00am
Spotlight: classes start in 20!!
gwape juiwce: I can’t wait! I was so incredibly bored in my other classes
TT^TT: why
gwape juiwce: cause I already knew it all
TT^TT: :0
TT^TT: how
Spotlight: I’d also like to know
gwape juiwce: when you have no friends and all of your classmates lie and say they’re busy when you ask them to hang out you have nothing to do but study
TT^TT: oh
Spotlight: oh
Don Wazowski: @Chimkin remind me to put out a hit on his classmates
Chimkin: yes sir
Don Wazowski: …
Don Wazowski: please just use my name
Chimkin: never
Get Therapy Damnit 12:23pm
Rosalina: wishdgsbkaudgdjwkwyf
minceraft: oaudhdbmwudgwbskdigejw
Cronch: akshdgsbksusgwbksidg
*gestures in italian*: what happened
minceraft: so ya know that one dude from kichi’s class
minceraft: the space obsessed one
*gestures in italian*: yeah
*gestures in italian*: he’s kinda a dick ngl :/
minceraft: well apparently he saw souda and gundam with kichi earlier
*gestures in italian*: oh no
minceraft: so he comes over to the table where me akane and sonia are eating lunch right
minceraft: and he’s like “where tf is Kokichi? I know y’all have him I saw him with two of you earlier!” all angry and shit
minceraft: and sonia just fucking pulled out an uno reverse card and slapped it on his forehead
*gestures in italian*: ahxbckfugsbfkauwg
*gestures in italian*: that’s beautiful
minceraft: ikr I love my girlfriend
minceraft: @gwape juiwce
gwape juiwce: wassup
minceraft: read up
gwape juiwce: kk
gwape juiwce: andbxyaisywbdkfkwigs
gwape juiwce: iconic
Get Therapy Damnit 9:24pm
Falling in Reverse: shfgshaiudhcjskjsgw
minceraft: gundam? keysmashing? in this economy? more likely than you’d think
Cronch: wheeze
minceraft: ok but seriously im lowkey concerned
minceraft: @Falling in Reverse are u ok??
Falling in Reverse: hng boyfrnd and son cute
Falling in Reverse: them.png
Ahornge: holy fuck
Burnt: that’s so fucking cute
Don Wazowski: this fucking has to be illegal
Chimkin: hold on
Chimkin: are those tear tracks on kichi’s face
Chimkin: who needs to die
Falling in Reverse: fhfhdbsjakdufvsnkaidhdvfjk
Cronch: well he’s broken
Chimkin: fuck @ahornge do ur detective thing so I know who to kill
Ahornge: probably his old class
*gestures in italian*: why tf did I just see peko fuckin sprint out of the dorms
*gestures in italian*: oh wait nvm I read up
Rosalina: she zoom
Cronch: aidhvdnaksydfskusf
minceraft: SONIAHAHDVNSJSGDVJDJSGSV
minceraft: fuck im gay
Monch: hi gay im dad
minceraft: fuck
Get Therapy Damnit 10:05pm
Rosalina: gundam I could use your assistance with this ritual
Falling in Reverse: I cannot move
Rosalina: oh no! are you stuck somewhere? are you hurt? are you trapped under something?
Monch: i can lift up whatevers pining you
Falling in Reverse: YOU SEEM TO HAVE MISINTERPRETED MY MESSAGE! I AM CURRENTLY ACTING AS A CUSHION TO MY BELOVED AND OUR SON! THUS, ACCORDING TO THE RULES OF THE UNIVERSE IT IS ILLEGAL FOR ME TO MOVE!
minceraft: oudgdbaksjvdjsisysh
minceraft: pics or it didn’t happen
Falling in Reverse: iamimprisoned.jpeg
Falling in Reverse: hhhhhhhhhhhhh
minceraft: oh that’s precious
Rosalina: ah ok I get it now! I can get celestia from class 78 to help UwU
Rosalina: have fun with your family cuddles
Falling in Reverse: ehfhdugehwhdgdhjdowiehkfkiwg
Get Therapy Damnit 7:15am
Hi
gwape juiwce: hey dads @Dr. Pepper @Falling in Reverse can I eat lunch with leon and hiro
Dr. Pepper: of course c:
Falling in Reverse: AS LONG AS YOU PROMISE TO BE SAFE MY OFFSPRING
gwape juiwce: I promise!! thanks dads!!
Get Therapy Damnit 12:35pm
gwape juiwce: sidhbfksksgfvjsjafsjkffy
Dr. Pepper: is everything ok kichi???
gwape juiwce: the best fucking thing just happened
gwape juiwce: can I add leon and hiro so they can explain I don’t think I can put it in the right words
Dr. Pepper: sure why not c:
gwape juiwce added Leon Kuwata to the chat
gwape juiwce added Yasuhiro Hagakure to the chat
gwape juiwce changed Leon Kuwata’s name to roomster
gwape juiwce changed Yasuhiro Hagakure’s name to Weed?
roomster: ayyyyyyyyyy
Weed?: ayyyyyyyyyyyy
gwape juiwce: ayyyyyyyyyyy
gwape juiwce: anyways guys tell them what happened
roomster: oh that was amazing
roomster: ok so as you guys know kichi hiro and I ate lunch together
roomster: and we were just vibing yaknow, doing our thing, minding our business
Weed?: and then that space motherfucker from kichi’s old class walks up with the half-rate detective
minceraft: isjhdjakidgshdjfjdhva
minceraft: half-rate detective
minceraft: I can’t breathe
Weed?: and the fake detective’s all like “ouma what the hell! where have you been? why havent you been in class?” And he’s all mad and shit
Weed?: and I noticed that kichi was lookin uncomfortable and I was like uh-uh not today satan
roomster: and you wanna know what this bitch did
roomster: he looked those two dead in the eyes and said “guys you need to chill, this isn’t ouma, it’s my cousin Aema Gogichi”
Rosalina: aldudvsbksusvsndkdh
Rosalina: aema gogichi
minion: that’s so fucking funny wtf
Dr. Pepper: guys shush I wanna know what happened next
Weed?: ok before I continue I wanna add some context real quick
roomster: oh here we go
Cronch: owo
Weed?: so since leon and I were worried something like this might happen
Weed?: we decided to sit near mondo
Don Wazowski: that biker gang leader?
Weed?: yee
Weed?: motherfucker is hella protective of his friends
Weed?: now you may be wondering “hiro wtf does this have to do with the story”
Weed?: >:3c
roomster: and here’s where that comes into play >:3c
roomster: space bitch doesn’t appreciate hiro’s magnificent brand of humor and decides to take a swing at him
roomster: so he punches hiro
gwape juiwce: which I’m still mad at him for >:T
roomster: I mean me too but shhhhhhhh it’s getting to the good part
gwape juiwce: fine
roomster: so space bitch has punched hiro making him fall off his seat
TT^TT: oh no!!!
TT^TT: hiro where are you
TT^TT: let me check that out for you
Weed?: thanks for the offer mikan but I’m ok
Weed?: it’s not the first time I’ve been punched
Weed?: dw I’m icing it and shit
TT^TT: hhhhhhhhh
TT^TT: ok
TT^TT: but if anything weird starts happening let me know
Weed?: I will
roomster: aight now that that wholesome moment is over back to the story
Dr. Pepper: I’m dying from anticipation
roomster: mondo hears the crashing noise and looks up to see space bitch standing over hiro
roomster: and you can tell he’s pissed
roomster: he stands up so fast and so violently that he knocks his chair over
roomster: and then he fucking vaults the lunch table and body slams space bitch
gwape juiwce: best day of my life tbh
Weed?: and it gets better
Cronch: is that even possible????
Weed?: faux-detective goes to grab kichi and fucking taka vaults the table and knocks him out in one hit by hitting a pressure point
Burnt: ishimondo the heroes we always needed
Ahornge: wtf is ishimondo
Burnt: it’s their ship name get w the program
Falling in Reverse: @Dr. Pepper WE MUST REWARD THESE MORTALS FOR THEIR COURAGEOUS ACTIONS IN DEFENDING OUR OFFSPRING!
Dr. Pepper: way ahead of you babe
Dr. Pepper: already texted mondo
Dr. Pepper: imma upgrade his bike
Dr. Pepper: and I texted taka to tell him that imma add a bunch of new safety features as well
Cronch: we should throw a party as well!!
crawling in my skin: YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
crawling in my skin: WE SHOULD INVITE ALL OF CLASS 78!!!!!!!
crawling in my skin: I’ll provide music!!!!!
*gestures in italian*: and I’ll be in charge of the refreshments
Monch: and I’ll keep an eye on him
Rosalina: oh this is going to be so much fun!!!!