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Yunho woke up feeling weird. His mind felt foggy inside, and he couldn't quite focus. It was almost as if he was still half asleep. But when the sleepiness didn't go away after two cups of their strongest coffee Yunho started worrying he might have caught a cold.
"Morning, Yunho," San and Yeosang greeted him on their way from the in-built gym to their rooms, probably headed to get ready for the day. They both looked so full of life and energy. Wooyoung and Mingi joined Yunho in the kitchen a minute later, immediatly starting conversation with him about the games they spent the night playing.
Yunho was the third oldest member of Ateez, and he acted as such most of the time. He usually put the others first, sometimes neglecting himself in order to help the others feel comfortable and happy. There were other members who acted as happy viruses and sunshines to lift the group's spirits, but where Yunho was always there to take care of said members when they weren't feeling like themselves, there was no one to do that for Yunho in return.
As part of the 99' liners, Yunho was pretty close to his same age friends, but sometimes Yunho wished they didn't expect so much from him — he was just as energetic and playful as they were, but sometimes the energy ran out and he wished they would respect him as the hyung and let him alone for a moment. He also envied their youngest. They were both hardworking, no doubt, but Jongho was so talented he would be fine skipping practice.
That was Yunho's current situation. He practiced for days to get the new choreography right before teaching it to his members. And when most of them learned it to perfection in mere hours, Yunho couldn't help but feel like he was falling behind.
Seonghwa entered the kitchen next, followed by their dear maknae. Both also ready for the day. "We have practice in about an hour, Yunho. Why haven't you changed out of your pajamas?" Their oldest seemed to be annoyed. Yunho knew he was probably upset since Hongjoong had gone to the studio after practice and hadn't come to the dorm to sleep. And now everyone's attention was on Yunho. "Yunho. Did you hear what I just said?"
Seonghwa was very caring, specially with their younger brothers. Not so much with him. Because Yunho didn't usually have a feeling of wanting or needing their eldest's attention on him. But today, Yunho wanted Seonghwa to place his hand on his forehead to check if he had a fever, and help him feel better.
Yet, instead of checking why Yunho was acting the way he was, Seonghwa focused on what the tallest wasn't doing.
So, still feeling funny, Yunho hurried to his room to get ready for the day. Yunho struggled to choose what to wear. Everything was too plain for his liking, and the fabric not soft enough. With a heavy heart, Yunho grabbed anything before anyone could come look what was taking him so long.
On the way to the company Yunho put on his earphones to stop the others from talking to him. There was no way they didn't notice he was acting strange. However, they let him be for now, fortuntely not bothering him with questions.
He led the practice with as much normalcy as possible — the room already awkward enough with Hongjoong and Seonghwa's imminent argument approaching. After a last overview of their latest choreographies, they finished. Most of them nearly running out of the room to their vocal practice to avoid getting caught in between the hyungs' fight.
While Yunho would've usually been okay with mediating their disagreement, he was just feeling unprepared for it today. "Yunho, darling," Seonghwa called as the dancer was trying to gather up his stuff. "Could you tell Hongjoong hyung how long I stayed up waiting for him last night?"
Yunho was reminded of the few arguments his parents had when Yunho was in highschool, always expecting their children to take sides. "When he got home he went to bed right after taking a shower."
Hongjoong's face was pure confusion. "So why are you upset then?"
"I went to bed right away, because I trusted you when you told me you were going to be back home in a couple of hours. But when I woke up and you weren't there it was clear you didn't even care about your promise."
"Hwa—"
"Whatever, just stop lying to me. I'd rather if you straight up told me you care more about producing than your health. Just tell me to fuck off so I can stop worrying."
"Hyung," Yunho cringed. Hongjoong was looking down now, neck bent almost as if bowing. "Maybe you guys should talk about this at home?"
Seonghwa shook his head, "everyone praises our group being like a real family, but it's tiring when I'm the only member considering it one."
Yunho couldn't fully comprehend the statement anymore. Only isolated words. The sensation he felt that morning had only intensified.
"Enough," Yunho began, not really noticing he was voicing his thoughts. "You are both always praised, mom, and dad, no one notices I am hyung, too. I do a lot for the group, too. But I'm not as talented or good looking as other members. I'm just tall."
"Yunho," Seonghwa gasped, "no, darling, that is not what I meant. I'm sorry—"
"You're not just tall," Hongjoong corrected him in a firm voice.
Yunho's sight clouded with tears filling his eyes. All he wanted to do was lie in bed and sleep. He was too tired for this. Anxiety and fear slowly overflowing him.
"Yunho, take a deep breath. Talk to me, baby."
There it was. The motherly tone Seonghwa used to calm and comfort their dongsaengs.
"I don't feel okay, hyung."
"What are you feeling, darling?" Seonghwa carefully put his hands under Yunho's chin, holding his face so the taller would look at him. "Are you feeling sick?"
"No. Weird. Tired."
Hongjoong brought him a bottle of water from the small fridge in the room but Yunho struggled to hold it. "Here," the captain opened the lid for him and helped him hold the bottle, "drink."
The hyungs shared a worried look, both noticing how Yunho was a little out of it. "Yunho?" Seonghwa leaned closer, eyes searching the main dancer. "Can you look at me, please?"
Suddenly, everything was loud and overwhelming for Yunho. He was still sleepy, so he reached for Seonghwa, who welcomed him in his embrace. He wanted nothing more than being held by his oldest hyung.
"Yunho, darling," Seonghwa tried again. "You think you can make it through your vocal lesson?"
The tallest shook his head and felt his eyes filling with tears again. "No, please. I'm scared."
"I drove here, should we take him home?"
"I think that would be the best," Seonghwa agreed hastily. "Can you text his teacher? I'll bring him down to your car."
"I'm right behind you," Hongjoong began gathering their stuff as Seonghwa guided Yunho to the elevator on the hall.
"Come on, sweatheart. You can sleep in huyng's car, we're going home."
"I feel funny," Yunho was struggling to keep his eyes opened with how bright the elevator lights were.
"Have you felt like this before?"
"This morning."
"Would you like to visit a doctor—?"
"No! Please, no," Yunho pouted, feeling anxious again.
"Okay, okay! No need to worry, baby. We won't."
As they waited seated on the back seats of the car, Seonghwa called Wooyoung to let him know they were leaving, and to give him instructions. They didn't have to wait long for Hongjoong to join them — the captain giving them both reassuring smiles before starting the car. "Would you like me to stop at the pharmacy or convenience store on the way?"
"Yes, please," Seonghwa asked in a low voice as Yunho had leaned his head against his shoulder and seemed to be falling asleep. The oldest told Hongjoong what to get on their quick stop and they were soon home.
"Yunho," Hongjoong had opened the back door to help Seonghwa wake the younger, but they were struggling because Yunho kept whining in protest and wouldn't let go of Seonghwa.
"Yuyu," Seonghwa tried calling against his ear, and surprisingly it worked. The motherly tone in his voice doing the trick. "We're home, baby." Yunho turned his head to see Hongjoong standing on the door with their bags and waiting for them to go inside.
He hadn't realized he had fallen asleep until now, yet the daze he had been in since that morning only kept getting worse.
"Come on, Yun. We're home" Hongjoong repeated. And this time Yunho's instincts were to reach out for their leader. He followed Hongjoong out of the car and was granted with the shorter circling an arm around his waist.
"Yunho, your hyung can't carry you and the bags inside, come here."
Yunho made a noise of complain but went back to Seonghwa's side and let the oldest lead them inside.
"Take off your shoes, Yun," Hongjoong asked, setting their stuff aside.
Once the door had closed behind them, Yunho allowed the emotions overcome him, tears rapidly running down his face. The older members were worried about their dongsaeng's health, fearing he was overwhelmed with work and other worries, and they hadn't noticed on time the signs telling them to help him avoid breaking down.
"I'm sleepy," Yunho cried in a quiet voice.
"Oh, darling," Seonghwa sighed. "Let's go get you to bed, then," he crouched down before him to help him remove his shoes. "Go on, I'll be with you in a minute." Seonghwa wanted to talk with Hongjoong first, but Yunho was too vulnerable to head deeper into the dorms by himself.
"Scared," Yunho whined.
"We'll talk later," Hongjoong promised Seonghwa as they both moved to walk Yunho to his room.
When they went to leave the taller to himself so he could change into more comfortable clothes and lie in bed, he began crying again. Seonghwa was growing anxious at not knowing how to help the younger. "It's okay, we ain't leaving," he dragged a chair closer to Yunho's bed while Hongjoong stood beside him, leaning against the desk.
Yunho was biting his lower lip to keep himself from sobbing, he was overwhelmed by how vulnerable he was feeling, but with his hyungs present and caring for him, Yunho was able to keep his head clear for a bit longer — enough to change into his warmer pajamas and tug himself in bed. Hongjoong sighed and left the room to go turn on the air conditioner.
"Are you cozy?" Seonghwa asked with a smile on his face and his brows furrowed. Only Yunho's face was showing from how he had basically hid under his blanket and cover. The taller had stopped crying and was looking at Seonghwa with big eyes. "Feeling better?"
Seonghwa placed a hand on Yunho's forehead, checking for a fever, but the gesture only had Yunho closing his eyes and leaning into the touch.
"Aigoo, so cute."
The members rarely called Yunho cute. It wasn't unheard of, but it was usually other members who received said title, both in front of cameras and away from the public eye. The compliment somehow made Yunho feel loved—more than he already knew he was—, and it was easy to finally let the sleepiness overcome him and allow his body and mind some rest.
Yunho woke up to the murmur of Seonghwa and Hongjoong's conversation. His mind was still feeling funny, but he wasn't scared about it anymore. He was surrounded by warmth, both physically and emotionally.
The hyungs were discussing something about their latest project with some of the other producers back in the studio over a phone call. Yunho wondered why they hadn't left the room to answer the call, but then he noticed they were closer to him than he had thought.
Yunho opened his eyes and found himself draped across his hyungs' laps, facing away from them as they sat against the wall behind the bed. He was pretty much hugged to Hongjoong's leg. The younger felt his face and ears turn red with embarrasment, and closed his eyes to pretend he was still sleeping.
Then one of Seonghwa's hands began patting gently against his leg, telling him the older knew Yunho was awake. "Ah, hyung, I'll be at the studio later so we can check that... Yes, okay... Thanks," Hongjoong hung up after noticing too. "Yunho?"
Yunho sighed, knowing he had been caught. "Yes?"
"Are you feeling better?"
"Yes," he replied in a quiet voice. Yunho didn't want to disturb the warming feeling in the atmosphere. He was sure the older members would ask him to get up anytime soon so they could leave to do something else. They had a busy life, schedules to follow, deadlines to meet. And Yunho was robbing them of their time. "Sorry."
"Why are you apologizing for, sweetheart?" Seonghwa reached to brush the hair off Yunho's eyes. But the taller wasn't ready to face them yet, and he instinctively turned his head to hide against Hongjoong's tigh. The movement accidentaly causing the captain's leg to jolt — which Yunho interpreted as a request to move away.
"Sorry!" Yunho apologized louder this time, hurrying to get off their laps.
"Yunho-ah," Seonghwa called with the sweetest tone he could muster. He pulled Yunho into a hug, "you're safe."
Yunho nodded, finally daring to make eye contact and seeing nothing but honesty and endearment in Hongjoong's eyes. "What's going on, Yuyu?"
"I don't know," Yunho was in the dark too. He snuggled closer to Seonghwa, seeking comfort. "This morning I woke up feeling like this."
Seonghwa hummed and began rocking back and forth with the younger in his arms — Yunho mirroring the sound with content. "But this helps?"
"It does."
"Do you want to continue sleeping?" Hongjoong suggested.
Yunho shook his head, eyes unintendedly filling with tears. "You have things to do."
"We can take a rest," Hongjoong promised. "It will do us all well."
"Woah, Yunho," Seonghwa kissed the top of his head. "You managed to have the Kim Hongjoong himself enjoy some time off work. Thank you, love."
Hongjoong rolled his eyes dramatically and stretched to get down the bed. "Whatever — come on, let's go get something to eat. I haven't had breakfast yet."
"It's nearly five," Seonghwa said unimpressed. "I promised myself I wouldn't worry anymore but you just make it impossible."
"Hwa," Hongjoong looked down in apology.
"No anger," Yunho frowned, tightening his hold on his older hyung. Seonghwa wasn't sure how to react, Yunho's tone had been dangerously close to what he sounded like on the rare times he used aegyo when recording some content.
"I know, Yuyu. He's not worth it," Seonghwa agreed instead, playing along as he pettily enjoyed Hongjoong's grimace.
"But work hard," Yunho stated, somehow being conscious of the commitment Hongjoong had for all of their futures. The leader looked away, not wanting either of his members to see the tears forming in his eyes. "Hunger."
Seonghwa cleared his throat in acknowledgement, "let's go."
Yunho stood up after his hyungs and followed them to the kitchen, draped in his coziest blanket, and with wobbly steps. The other two didn't say anything, patiently helping him until he was safely sitting on a kitchen stool.
"Anything you're craving, baby?" Seonghwa asked Yunho, but as the younger carefully thought of his answer, Hongjoong used the opportunity to appropriate the pet name.
"Ramyeon is okay, my love."
Yunho laughed gleefully at Seonghwa's scowl, hands still holding onto his blanket instead of covering his mouth as he would normally do.
"Is ramyeon okay, Yuyu?" The oldest began preparing their food as soon as Yunho approved the dish. "What about some kimchi pancakes with it? Hm? Hongjoong-ah, can you hand me the ingredients?"
"Sure."
Yunho watched patiently as his hyungs moved around the kitchen, eyes fixed somewhere inside the fridge everytime one of them opened it. "Yuyu?" Hongjoong called, fridge door still opened, "what do you want, baby?"
"Milk..." Yunho murmured and then vibrated with disbelief when he saw Hongjoong offering him a strawberry milk he was sure was actually Seonghwa's — the leader even opened it for him. "Thank!"
Once their food was ready, Seonghwa and Hongjoong sat on both sides of Yunho, as if shielding him from the world — the way he was acting and speaking made him even more precious than he already was for his hyungs, and they wanted to protect him from anything and everything.
Yunho began struggling with the chopsticks, his motor functions weren't working properly, and although it was confusing for Yunho, he just accepted it and tried his best. Eventually, though, Hongjoong handed him a fork for his ramyeon and fed him bites of pancakes with his own chopsticks.
When the three of them finished, Hongjoong took care of the dishes while Seonghwa helped Yunho move to the living room. They sat together on the couch and turned on the TV as background noise. Yunho was lying against Seonghwa's side again, arms around the older's waist, blanket around them as Seonghwa petted his hair. "How are you feeling, Yuyu?"
"Happy. Weirdly good."
Seonghwa smiled, "can you describe it a little more?"
"Hyung, I feel playful. Like- like a kid."
"I noticed," Seonghwa nodded.
"Am I weird?"
"No. You're perfect."
If the older said nothing was wrong with Yunho then there was nothing to worry about. He believed Seonghwa blindly.
"Are you still sleepy?"
"A little," Yunho hid his face against Seonghwa's chest.
"Sleep, baby. I won't go anywhere."
"Promise?"
"Promise."
When Yunho woke up again, it was to the sound of the main door being unlocked.
At first, Yunho couldn't process the idea of someone coming home, since he was sitting in between his hyungs, and in that moment, for him, there was no one else in his life but them. In a fearful response, Yunho could only think of alerting them of a possible intruder. The word that left his lips was enough to freeze the two older members, "dad. Dad, scare-"
"Hyung!" Mingi called as he walked into the living room — however, it only scared Yunho even more. He pressed his face harder against Hongjoong's shoulder as he shrieked. The leader placed the blanket over his head to protect him from the other members' curious gazes.
"Mingi-ah," Seonghwa reached for him as he stood up. "Come with me, boys."
"Is Yunho hyung okay?" The younger members followed Seonghwa to the kitchen.
"Baby? They're gone, Yuyu. You're safe" Hongjoong coaxed Yunho out of his hiding place with a steady patting on his back. "They're your friends, darling."
Yunho frowned.
They were his friends...
Because they were part of Ateez. Just like Yunho. He was an adult. But why wasn't he feeling like one?
"Da- hyung," his eyes filled with tears again.
"It's okay, Yuyu, it's okay."
"This can't be normal," Yunho was feeling more aware of his surroundings and the situation, but his mind was still foggy.
"I think I have an idea on what is going on with you, it may not be common, but it doesn't mean it's not normal."
"What is it, hyung?"
"It doesn't matter at the moment," Hongjoong assured, tiny hands drying Yunho's tear-streaked face. "You're allowed to feel the way you're feeling. It's valid, and we won't judge you. Now, we'll talk about this later, and if you want or not the others to be there, that will be your decision. For now, let me take care of you, okay? How about you take a nice bath, and then we can go back to your hyungs' room to rest, hm?"
Yunho nodded with relief. "Thank you, hyung."
"No problem, Yuyu. I'll tell Seonghwa to join us after he makes sure the other kids order something for dinner."
"I love you."
"I love you, too, baby."