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It took Vi a long time to realize that it was cathartic to lose control, so long as she had a say in it, so long as one and one person only understood her boundaries and never pushed her over. Being restrained without the fear of not being released, being ordered by someone- the only one- she'd answer to. How badly she only wanted Caitlyn.
Caitlyn telling her to get on her knees.
Caitlyn ordering her to come.
Caitlyn holding her arms down, spreading her thighs.
It took even longer to voice those thoughts.
It started as an accident of sorts, Caitlyn was lost in the moment, yet she trusted Vi enough for her to let Caitlyn know if anything she did was too far. They'd been branching out more and more lately, Caitlyn being held on the edge for hours, Vi with her wrists bound above her head, but they had never leaned this far into this kind of territory before.
Most nights were simple, nothing at all happening, a kiss on the cheek before bed, maybe some wandering hands and cheeky groping. Some nights, after a long day, it was slow and and soft, with coaxed moans sinking into the sheets, with careful hands bringing sweet orgasms. But, rarely, the mood would turn heady and hot, with nail marks down one of their backs, with bruises sucked into skin, and shameful moans muffled into the pillows.
This was one of those rare nights.
Vi was a wreck, strung out and trembling in the quiet of their room, all because of Caitlyn, only because of Caitlyn. Every ounce of her body was aflame, burning as Vi muffled her moans into the pillow, almost mortified at the sounds leaving her.
Caitlyn's hand crawled along her back, leaving shuddering skin behind while her other hand was keeping a rough pace. She leaned forwards, whisps of her hair dragging along her skin and Vi's arms buckled, she could barely hold herself up.
"You alright, darling? Breathe, remember." There was clear amusement in her voice, "In and out." She meant is as a little joke, something for Vi to scoff at.
But Vi took a deep, shuddering breath of air in, staggered in its attempt. And the mood changed. She felt Caitlyn's smile against her skin.
"You can do better than that, Violet. Out." She commanded with a particularly rough curl of her hand. Vi had no choice to obey, evenly releasing her breath.
Caitlyn released a chuckle into her shoulder, "In." She demanded. Vi complied, using every bit of force to smoothy draw air into her burning lungs. Not being able to heave or pant made her head spin, her lungs burned with an excitement she didn't know she loved. She was on the edge, so, so close to falling over off into oblivion-
Minutes later, with her head still foggy and her breaths becoming less ragged, she began to think.
Vi never realized how much she enjoyed... that.
And that's what she told Caitlyn later that night, after they'd both recovered, once she was able to work herself up to admitting it, to admitting how much she loved the feeling of powerlessness. She couldn't explain why it felt so good, why it made her feel weightless and heavy, lost and found. She just hoped Caitlyn didn't think of her as a freak.
"I don't, darling." Caitlyn whispered, dragging her thumb across cooling skin.
Apparently Vi had mumbled that last part out loud. She took a sharp breath in, burying her face in the pillow to hide. Caitlyn spoke again before Vi could spiral down a path of embarrassment or doubt.
"Is that something you'd want to try?"
Vi flushed even more, burying her head further into the pillow despite the fact that it was already hard to breathe.
'Breathe, remember?'
Vi shivered, her body flushing with want despite the fact that she was tipped over the edge mere minutes ago. She brought her head back up and nodded.
"I'd really like that."
Caitlyn hummed, scratching her nails through Vi's hair and kissing the corner of her mouth. Vi wasn't sure if Cait expected her to feel her smile against her cheek, lips straining to keep it at bay, but ultimately failing.
"I'd like that, too."
___
Vi had to stop herself from breaking and begging, she was so wound up that it nearly hurt.
"Nice and slow for me." Caitlyn whispered, trailing her finger down Vi's throat, almost as if she was dragging the air into Vi's lungs herself.
She wasn't, Vi was just obeying her command, to breathe in and wait for whatever Cait dished out next.
Caitlyn continued moving, curling hard without warning and making Vi's thighs tremble.
While one hand was tracing the lines of her abs, Caitlyn's other was furiously filling her, before being taken out and rubbed against her clit. Vi bucked, wheezed her breath out in a whining moan, and trying again when Cait slowed her fingers with a questioning 'hm?'
"You're being good for me, aren't you, Vi?"
And oh how she wanted to say yes, but Caitlyn eased a dull nail under her clit, and Vi cried out a moan when the pain swirled with pleasure until she couldn't tell which was which.
"Shit, sorry-" Vi harshly inhaled, but Caitlyn cut her off.
"Do you need me to help you?"
Oh, fuck.
The very, very vivid mental image of Caitlyn wrapping her long fingers, the same ones that were just buried in her cunt, around her throat, made Vi shudder and arch her back. The thought of something so wrong, something she'd never take from anyone else in the world, being willingly permitted to Caitlyn to use as she pleased. It was wild. It was maddening how much she wanted it.
"Yes, please." Vi squirmed, trying to get more friction from Caitlyn's idle hand, and sucking in through her teeth when she got it.
Caitlyn's mouth came to rest right next to her ear, breathing intoxicatingly hot breaths onto the sensitive skin.
"Stay still."
That one command was all it took for Vi to stop in her tracks, stock still, not even daring to move. She felt Caitlyn's hand drag up her hip, leaving quickly cooling trails of slick on her skin, before deviating it's path and trailing to her shoulders, which were trying their hardest not to quake.
Vi's entire body tensed when she felt those fingers glide around her neck, no doubt feeling every breath and swallow under those knowing fingers. The nerves came next, the moment of clarity about what Vi was doing made her skin prickle, and the words bubbled up from her chest.
"Please, C-Caitlyn, please."
Caitlyn no doubt heard the need in Vi's voice, the raw want of what was promised, she no doubt heard the waver in Vi's tone, the telling signs of her composure falling to pieces. But instead, she stilled.
"I think you should wait, seeing as how you didn't listen earlier." Caitlyn hummed, feeling Vi's shoulders finally break and tremble.
Vi's breaths shuddered, and she untangled one hand from the sheets and brought it up to her own neck, resting shaking fingers over Caitlyn's. She had no clue why, but she needed this. She wanted it so bad, for someone to control her like this, it hurt.
"Please, I-I-" Her hand fumbled uselessly around Caitlyn's fingers, "Take it from me, I just-"
"Shh, you're safe, relax, darling. I just want to make you feel good."
"Fuck, please."
"I want you to let me know if it is too much." Caitlyn whispered again, always checking in, reminding Vi of what they had talked about those few days prior, two snaps from her fingers, and everything would stop. After watching carefully for any sign of worry or hesitance, nothing but silence met her ears, she continued. "There we are, just like that for me, I've got you."
The words were a promise, and Caitlyn would hold to them. She tightened her fingers around Vi's neck harshly, years of grip strength from rifle training making dimming Vi's airflow easy, smooth. Vi arched, pressing her hand tight against Caitlyn's as her muscles trembled.
"Good girl. Just relax and let me do my job, okay?"
She felt Vi gasp an airy moan, pushing desperately into her hand, feeling her wild and short breaths fill her palm.
"You like that, don't you? You like my hand, how I'm touching you."
That made Vi whimper, her grip on her own fists tightening.
"Shh, it's okay. You're safe."
And it was true. She was. Caitlyn released her grip, listening to Vi suck full breaths of air into her lungs while each exhale was either a moan or whimper. The sight, it was... something else. Vi was so tough on the outside, a ruler of everything she did and said, but she so, so desperately wanted something to take that away, something to make her feel so small in comparison to everything around her.
The sound of Vi's breath was almost hypnotic, the slow exhalation after the inhale long and low. And it was the most erotic thing she'd ever heard. Vi's hand tightened around her own again, followed by a faint, raspy, "C-Caitlyn."
"You want that again?"
Vi nodded.
"You want me to fuck you while doing it?"
"Please..." Vi's voice was wrecked, she sounded distant, like her mind was farther away from her body. Even despite the nature of their actions, Caitlyn had never seen this side of Vi, not even for a second.
Caitlyn tightened her hand again, hearing Vi's ragged words get cut off with her breath, and Caitlyn dragged her free hand down to her cunt again, slipping two fingers in with ease.
"I'm going to make you feel so good, Vi."
She felt Vi tense up, but Caitlyn didn't stop with her hand. She'd go slow tonight, because she wanted to get a sense of what Vi was feeling. She was about to take things to a new level, make things even better, and she needed to know what kind of buttons to push.
She bit Vi's earlobe just as she buried her fingers down to the knuckle, once again starting up her fucking from earlier. Curling, pressing, feeling the rumble in Vi's throat against her skin as she tried to keep quiet, feeling the tension in Vi's thighs rack higher and higher as she pulsed at her throat.
Vi felt her mind fog over, thoughts quieting until it was nothing but a quiet static, there were no thoughts besides Caitlyn, and the way she controlled Vi's breath with only her hand.
Caitlyn had never seen Vi like this before, and she quickly realized how much of an addiction it would become. Vi's teeth were bared, eyes glassy and foggy where they stared into Caitlyn's, the grey of her iris nothing but a sliver from how blown her pupils were. Each noise coming out of her was high and trembling, nothing like the low grunts or deep rumbles she'd heard other nights.
Taking her hand away from Vi's throat, Caitlyn listened to the choked noise that escaped her girl next, replaced by a breathless sigh when Caitlyn pressed her weight down on Vi's body, nipping and sucking at Vi's throat until splotches of purple marred the skin.
"Fuck, you're so pretty like this." Caitlyn breathed into Vi's ear, "Whose is this?" She asked, dragging her fingers out and smearing wetness up to Vi's clit, teasing until she got her answer.
It took Vi a few second to register the question, "Yours-" She whined, "M'yours..."
She was so far gone, Caitlyn ached at the trust. Ached at the feeling of knowing that Vi could let go, sink into the back of her mind and let Caitlyn take care of her.
And she would. She always would.
"M'gonna come, Cait- please-"
Caitlyn wasted no time.
She slicked her fingers back in, listening to the trembling moan that left scarred lips, and used her other to press into the bruises at the base of Vi's neck, feeling her brawler throw her head back, exposing more of her throat and closing her eyes. She started her pulses back up, a few seconds on, a few seconds off, bringing her thumb up to rub rough circles around Vi's clit. Her knees snapped together at the overstimulation, and Caitlyn knew that it wouldn't take much longer.
Vi's whimpers became choked off pleas, slurred and fast as she rocked her hips into Caitlyn's hand, scarred knuckles digging into the sheets.
Then, her back snapped into an arch, and the warm waves soothed over her, slow and sweet as her center throbbed, it took Caitlyn releasing her grip and sliding two fingers down her throat to let loose a shaking cry, thighs pressed together so tight that Caitlyn couldn't move her hand, could only watch as her lover bucked her hips, riding out her orgasm with quieting whines before her strong back curved back into the sheets. Aftershocks pulsed around Caitlyn's fingers, and she had to bite her lip to keep herself composed.
Vi shivered when those long fingers left her, wiping the residual wetness on her thighs, and glassy eyes opened when she heard a sharp pant fill the quiet room.
Caitlyn was still above her, except now, her hand was shoved into her underwear, rubbing frantically across her clit.
Vi tried to bring a sore arm to Caitlyn's thigh, but was stopped when Cait pushed it away.
"No. Watch me."
Vi throbbed at the demand, "I can do it for you-"
Caitlyn leaned over Vi, her arm braced by sweat-damp hair, "Watch me, love." The words strained, while the thought of Vi making her come was very entertaining, she was just so worked up that she couldn't wait, she churned her hips against her hand, watching Vi's eyes flick from her own to in between her thighs, obeying what Caitlyn had told her.
"Good girl." Cait panted, mind fuzzing at the crest of her orgasm, "Good- fuck!" The words died off as she clenched her teeth, coming into her own hand and nuzzling into Vi's neck while she brought herself down, leisuraly grinding into her hand.
Her short yet sharp orgasm was great, but seeing Vi look at her, her eyes still a bit glassy, was better tenfold.
"How do you feel, darling?" Caitlyn asked, laying on her side and pulling Vi into her arms.
"Weird." Vi mumbled, "A good weird."
Caitlyn smiled fondly at seeing Vi try to resurface, blinking slowly.
"And how was it?"
"It was... a lot. But I liked it." Vi shuffled closer, 'liked it' was an understatement, but she was still trying to be human again, and any other words fled her. "I like being able to trust you."
Caitlyn brought Vi's face up with a finger and kissed her, "And I thank you for trusting me. You're wonderful."
Vi buried her head, after everything they just did, that was what embarrassed her, her face burned red. Caitlyn pressed a kiss to her head, holding Vi close, knowing that Vi loved being held, loved being wanted, loved being safe.
"We need to get cleaned up." Caitlyn started, only for Vi to sigh.
"Just a bit longer." She smirked, moving to kiss in between Cait's breasts. Caitlyn scoffed.
"Menace." She moved Vi so that her chin was resting there instead, looking up at her lover. "I love you."
Vi had the sweetest smile on her face, "I love you too, Cupcake."