Chapter Text
He hears it before he sees it - the cheers, the claps, the whistles - the sound of their victorious football team making their way into the cafeteria. It's deafening, honestly. There should be complaints against them for noise pollution.
Sunoo scoffs at the sight of the team members being surrounded by the bodies of the people crowding the room - there's freshmen trying to cozy up their way into an enviable social standing, team rejects still fighting to find a way in, and a host of teachers praising them from a distance too.
“Wait, I still don't get it," a voice pipes up from the chair opposite his. Sunoo turns around and comes face-to-face with Ni-ki almost climbing over the table and on to his lap just to get a better look at the sweaty and positively glowing group of players making their way to their very own “Champions' Table" - a very normal table placed smack dab in the middle of cafeteria.
Only they could enjoy being put on show like that.
Sunoo pushed Ni-ki back to his designated seat, next to Jake, who managed to save the chair from toppling while still typing away at something on Heeseung's laptop. The subtle buzz of conversation that had been taking place in the cafeteria had been completely replaced by the shouts and jeers, like a siren of cacophony.
“What part do you not get?" Jungwon asked, his voice exasperated.
“I get the hating the jocks part but why do we hate the Business major kids?" Ni-ki asked, pushing his hair back out of his face.
“Because," Sunoo started, putting on his best fake smile, “we're Music Production majors. Which means we do all the creative work and they get to take all the money."
"And all the joy out of life," Jungwon emphasizes, spinning his spoon around in the soup left over on his plate. Sunoo pulled the leftovers towards himself, knowing Jungwon would never finish it. The other throws him a grateful wink and takes up Sunoo’s leftover veggies on to his plate instead.
"But all of them won't end up in the same industry, right? I mean, look at Jake hyung," Ni-ki points at the man sitting beside him, finally pulling Jake and Heeseung out of the laptop screen and in to the real world.
"I'm going to be a house-husband," Jake splurted out, as if on command, nodding twice as if to reassure himself.
When he first heard that, Sunoo had laughed. But hearing it time and time again, he understood that Jake truly meant it. He hoped the other would at least learn to cook before the year ended so that his plans wouldn’t be derailed.
"Jake hyung is like an oyster among those clams," Sunoo supplies, taking the spoon and swinging it towards Ni-ki. “Remember, kid, all those people won't end up in our industry but all our bosses will have been Business majors."
"Oh, yeah, that's the first lesson they teach us in our first year," Ni-ki replies, pulling his lips down and nodding, earning a flick on his head from Jungwon.
"It's also factually incorrect," Jake adds, finishing his own food.
"Is that why you're always staring at Sunghoon, too?" Ni-ki asks nonchalantly before Sunoo can reprimand Jake for interrupting his educational moment with statistics.
Sunoo chokes on the last sip of his orange juice.
"Are you always this perceptive?" Heeseung asks from his place next to Sunoo, his hand smacking Sunoo's back to help. "We could really use you in the photography club."
Sunoo throws both of them dirty glances. As another wave of cheers goes up, his eyes slide over to the Champions' Table.
He knows it's inevitable. When he looks for Sunghoon, he knows it's inevitable for their eyes to lock. He wishes it wouldn't set off that firework of anger inside him but there it is again, the roiling anger. And when Sunghoon winks at him, he decides the most rational thing to do would be to walk off.
☼
Sunoo couldn't pinpoint when he started looking at Sunghoon with eyes of distaste and rage instead of admiration.
When they first met, Sunoo was 5 and Sunghoon was nearing 6. The Parks had moved into a new house, bigger than their last as they waited for the newest addition to their family.
Sunghoon had an inch or two on the younger boy, a fact that he exploited to its fullest extent in the first few months. But no matter how much Sunghoon terrorised the younger, he would return, day after day, with his toys and tales from school (Sunghoon would never admit he heard the stories with all his attention trained on the other). Sunghoon wasn’t made of stone - with Sunoo’s undeterred presence at his door every day, Sunghoon had had no option but to make a little room in his heart and home for him.
Despite going to different schools, their time afterwards was almost always spent together - Sunoo held Sunghoon's hand as they slid down the 20 foot slide that scared the latter, Sunghoon guided Sunoo gently from the back as he stumbled across the cement pavements on new skates. Sunoo became the first person outside the family to meet Sunghoon's little sister; his sparkling eyes and furrowed brows made all the adults in the room laugh and Sunghoon giggle along with them. Every birthday, they would be the first to wish each other, the windows separating them always left open.
They were polar opposites in every way that mattered. Sunoo liked the summers, Sunghoon the winters. Sunoo had sworn off of sports, Sunghoon was the first pick for the football and athletics teams each year. Sunoo picked up instruments as easily as breathing, Sunghoon couldn't remember the order of the notes even on his best day. They kept going to different schools - while Sunghoon dreamed of getting into a science high school, Sunoo aimed for the arts. And days that started apart from one another, always ended together.
But before they could realize those dreams, their bubble burst. The Kims had to move away, closer to Sunoo's grandparents. When Sunghoon heard the news, he shut down, refusing to speak to the younger in the weeks leading up to the move. Sunghoon’s mother had helped them pack and find movers; Sunghoon, on the other hand, had taken up extra study hours in school, returning later and later, never giving the time of day to Sunoo. Nevertheless, he'd shown up outside the house the night before they sent the final trucks out to the new house; Sunoo spotted him lingering outside, hands clenched tightly in front of him. Sunoo had run towards him, smile wide and arms open, but the other had just shouted out words that were indecipherable to Sunoo's ears and run away in the opposite direction.
Their families remained in touch - Sunghoon's mom called on every festival and Sunoo's mom handcrafted gifts for Sunghoon and his sister's birthdays. They got into the high schools they wanted and when their mothers called to congratulate each other, Sunoo heard Sunghoon's voice for the first time in a year. A gruff "Thank you" and a disheartening "Congrats". It annoyed Sunoo. Maybe that was when it started. Not hate, not quite, Sunoo thought.
Sunoo was proud to announce that it barely even bothered him when he found out both of them had ended up in the same university. It just kept him up for two whole nights, losing all peace of mind, wondering what, if anything, he would say to the other if they met.
He was even less bothered, if he were asked, about how shaken he was by the Sunghoon he saw when he stepped foot on campus. He had grown even taller, his hair flowing in cropped waves on top of his head, his moles had become more prominent on his glowing face. Like a carefully carved sculpture. And it was exactly like a sculpture - cold and hard - that Sunghoon treated Sunoo. For all means and purposes, they didn't seem to have ever known each other, no matter how they always managed to find each other's eyes when in the same room.
Sunoo had a small circle - Jungwon, Jake and Heeseung were all people he knew from middle school. Niki, a junior from his high school had joined them more recently, at the beginning of their second year. On the other hand, Sunghoon had reached stardom barely a month into their first year - star striker and captain for the football team, acing all his courses, and with just the right amount of mystery surrounding his background to keep everyone enraptured. "Perfect boys make perfect men," Sunoo had explained once, recounting their past briefly to his friends.
His voice bothered Sunoo the most, the way it had deepened, like quicksand waiting to pull him in. It bothered him how he couldn't remember the last thing he'd said to him in person, when his voice was still shrill and child-like.
Still lost in thoughts of the past, Sunoo walked into his class. As he pulled himself back to reality, he realised what class he'd walked into - Creative Marketing, the one class he shared with Park Sunghoon. He groaned, finally looking up to find all the students huddled together at the front of the class, with their professor standing right at the other end.
"Okay, kids, now that all of you are here," the professor started, "look around."
Sunoo's eyes zeroed in on the placards lying on the tables, numbers placed randomly on the desks.
"For today's exercise, we're gathering in groups of three to conduct a thematic analysis on any series of ads pertaining to the same or similar products. Simple, right?"
The prospect of group work made even more of the class groan.
"Great!" the professor continued, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Find your roll numbers and begin!"
Sunoo hitched his bag up his shoulder and made his way to the seat with the 13 placard on it in the second row. He looked at the other numbers - 4 and 7 - and wished he'd managed to remember the class list at all. Sunoo turned around to pull out his notebook and phone from his tote bag, hearing the chairs next to his shift, signaling his partners’ arrival. He turned back, smile playing on his face and an array of ideas ready to go.
When he did see his first partner, his greetings got stuck in his throat. Park Sunghoon. Because the universe was playing a cosmic joke on him. Sunoo had never been good at controlling his expressions and he could feel his smile turn into a scowl rapidly, not that he was proud of it, especially considering Sunghoon’s poker face.
“Oh…” Sunoo vaguely became aware of a figure behind Sunghoon - Jay, another member of the football team and Sunghoon’s best friend if the talk of the town was to be believed - switching his gaze between the two of them.
This was a battle of nerves now. Sunoo schooled his expression and extended a hand towards Jay, smiling before saying, “I look forward to working with you.”
Sunghoon looked away, scoffing at the exchange. Jay reciprocated the greeting and shifted his chair to the side, forming a kind of barrier between the sword of ice and the sword of fire. Sunghoon leaned back in the weak chair, the seat groaning as he balanced on the back legs.
Obviously, the situation was not ideal. Sunoo worked best alone and he knew it, but if he was going to be subjected to this, he would make sure he wasn’t the reason their boat tipped over. He jotted down the ideas he had on the notebook in front of him, explaining them briefly and passed the page over to Jay. It was a deliberate move but one that completely failed to factor in that Sunghoon would have to lean forward, his knee knocking into Sunoo's thigh and his hands brushing past Sunoo's knees, to look at the notes. The gentle scent of perfume hit his face and for a second, a fraction of a second really, he closed his eyes and let the closeness wrap around him.
In the next second, he pinched his thigh (the one not currently inches away from Sunghoon's chest) and refocused on the world around him. Jay and Sunghoon had decided on one of the ideas and started discussing, and they were both looking at him expectantly, clearly having asked a question.
"Can you get your head out of your ass for a second?" Sunghoon prodded, looking up at him from where he was still leaning over.
Sunoo blinked down at the face staring at him for a second before swatting him away, and loudly declaring, "Only if you get the stick out of yours." Somewhere to his left, he heard Jay choke. At least it made Sunghoon lean back, his brows furrowed and permanent smile widening.
He was even more horrified to find out how well they worked together. Jay was actively contributing and to his surprise, Sunghoon had a penchant for making presentations even with the short notice. Jay is funny, Sunoo notes. He makes stupid dad jokes and does these silly little impressions that pull out Sunoo's snort laughs that he keeps hidden under wraps. They work and banter back and forth and the whole time, much to Sunoo's pleasure, Sunghoon stays quiet, his focus entirely on the laptop screen in front of him. If it's exactly what he needed from him, what he wanted, then why does his heart feel so uneasy?
They're the first group to finish and present, earning them a pat on the back and an early exit from the class. The three of them exit together, bowing at the professor, and pushing each other out of the class.
"Ha! I'm a genius," Sunoo exclaims, as soon as the door closes behind them, pumping one fist up in the air.
"Agreed, agreed," Jay supplies, nodding enthusiastically. "If it wasn't for your idea, we would still be stuck going around in circles in there. Right, Sunghoon?"
Jay turns to his friend, who in turn looks up from his phone and finally notices the two sets of eyes trained on him. His eyes widen and he nods, agreeing with Jay, though anyone can tell he has no clue what he's agreeing with.
Jay shoots him a look and turns back around. "Actually, there's something I was going to ask y-"
"There's a party tonight for the team. You should come," Sunghoon interjects, looking Sunoo straight in the eye.
It's Sunoo's turn to squint his eyes at the other as if he's just told him the sun revolves around the Earth.
"Thank you for taking the words out of my mouth, friend," Jay adds, slinging his left arm around Sunghoon's shoulders and adding with as much sarcasm as he could muster up, "I really needed that."
Sunghoon shoots back a smile at him and it only looks half as guilty as his eyes.
Ignoring him, Jay turns to Sunoo, adding his own appeal, "You can bring your friends too!" He leans forward conspiratorially and whispers, "Between you and me, the party is only for the team in name. It's always better to have a reason when you get blackout drunk and end up on the other side of town half-naked and with a new kind of hatred for Jinro."
Sunoo laughs again and Jay moves back, looking proud of himself. Beside him, Sunghoon is still stuck in his statuesque pose, hands resting on his hips and an almost expectant look on his face. But that can't be right, Sunoo wonders.
"So will I see you there?" Sunghoon asks, eyes unwavering from his face.
"You will if I go," Sunoo replies, adding a smile on to the retort. And before he can hear a reply, he walks away.
☼
Sunoo hates parties. They’re loud and disruptive (and he always feels sorry towards the people living around the area), the smell of alcohol is an assault on the senses, and there’s entirely too many people making out on every square inch of space available and he doesn’t need a constant reminder of the lack of love and lust in his own life. But, Sunoo loves his friends and when they beg him to go to the party with them, he has no choice but to comply. He takes dibs as the driver because there’s no way he’s getting wasted on a Monday night.
He knows vaguely where everyone is - he saw Jake and Heeseung dip into one of the rooms on the first floor a while ago, he can hear the cheers from the living room where he knows Ni-ki is destroying all opponents at beer pong, and Jungwon was last seen dancing smack dab in the middle of the makeshift dance floor with what was ostensibly a glass of pure rum in one hand. So everyone was exactly where he expected them to be. As he roams the backyard he wonders if he should go inside, at least interact with a few people; Sunoo isn’t one to admit that he’d dressed up for the occasion but anyone with eyes could tell that the tank top tucked into his form-fitting jeans and the belt accentuating his waist weren’t part of his dailywear. If he played his cards right, he realized, he could at least get some decent flirting in.
He looked down at his own emptied glass of soda and decided it was time for a refill.
There was a moment, Sunoo realizes in the next few moments, where he had forgotten that he hates parties. The moment is short-lived though as he bumps into a stumbling freshman on the steps leading from the backyard to the kitchen, leaving him soaked in expensive vodka. Fuck.
The freshman throws a slurred apology off-handedly before stumbling down the stairs and Sunoo manages to keep his curses to himself. When he reaches the kitchen, he trashes his cup and hunts for tissues instead, though there is a pack that is conveniently left on the countertop. He knows its pointless, the vodka long soaked through his tank top, but he thanks the powers that be that the terrible house party lighting ensures that no one can tell that the material has become transparent, sticking to his torso like a second skin. Once he’s done wiping away whatever he can, he leans forward against the counter, putting his weight on his hands and closing his eyes. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. There’s only like 2 hours left till he can pull his friends from whatever hole they’ve buried themselves into by that time and drive them back to his and Jungwon’s apartment. He can do this.
He’s still trying to calm himself down when he feels a cold hand wrap around his left wrist.
“Sunoo?”
The voice is familiar but not in a way that Sunoo likes. It makes his blood run cold. He looks up to confirm his worst fear. Kang Injun.
Unlike with Sunghoon, Sunoo can tell the exact moment he started to hate Injun because it was the first moment he didn’t love him.
Sunoo and Injun had met in high school when Sunoo joined the Literary Club, the same year that Injun became President of the club. Sunoo was two years younger than the other and they hit it off from the moment they first met while planning for a play for the Theater Club to put up - they laughed about being the only two people to have read A Midsummer Night’s Dream and Sunoo felt a warmth in his chest that he hadn’t felt in years. Not even a week later, Injun had asked him out after school and Sunoo had said yes so quickly it made both of them burst out into giggles.
Their days and nights were all spent together, their parents and friends fond of them both. They never had prom but Injun did a whole promposal for the end-of-year party for the seniors graduating and Sunoo felt like he was on Cloud 9. Injun had all of Sunoo’s firsts - first kiss (their third date, on a boat in the middle of the Han river), his first dance (behind the curtains at the final run of A Midsummer Night’s Dream), his first time (in Injun’s bed the night before Injun’s graduation). Sunoo could have sworn this was it, that he was it, for him.
The fall is always harder than the flight, though. Sunoo knew college changed people, expected it even, but he never could have guessed how much. Injun still spent almost all his time with Sunoo but for the latter, it felt like the beginning of a slow suffocation - the warmth he felt in his chest felt more like smoke now. Injun’s words were harsher, his kisses seemed more insistent than ever before, his soft hands always cradling a cigarette and gripping Sunoo just a little too tightly. They fought more, every week a new issue manifesting itself out of thin air.
Injun kept inviting Sunoo to parties and who in their right mind could deny that offer; so, Sunoo kept on showing up, standing on the sidelines as Injun became the life of the party, leaving Sunoo to just stand in the shadows. It was no surprise he remembered clear as day the time when he’d felt Injun’s hands on his neck under the flickering lights of one of those parties. He’d almost thrown up but he kept his eyes unwavering, pushing the other off him and stalking off.
He’d blocked Injun everywhere that he could. Radio silence. He didn’t even find tears in himself to waste over him. It was just a couple of months before his own graduation so he kept his head down and worked himself down to the bone to keep his mind from wandering. His friends threw him a little party, a celebration for getting rid of that trash bag and he felt himself lighten up for the first time. He had his own life to take care of, college to get to, and a past he didn’t need dragging him down. If he spent a fraction of his time looking behind his shoulder everywhere he went, no one needed to know that.
It felt like a sick joke to Sunoo that he would run into Injun again at a party. He had no reason to be here, didn’t even go to this college. Sunoo blinked again at the face smiling at him and felt his whole body shut down. It felt like a movie on a screen as he stood there, unable to move. He prayed, and he hoped that if he prayed hard enough, he would at least be able to pull his wrist back, create some distance between them. He didn’t even know who to blame for his prayers failing him.
Injun’s prying eyes slid down to his soaked tank top, his hand sliding up to Sunoo’s bicep and his brows furrowing as he said, “Oh no. How did this happen?”
“It was just a drunk kid,” Sunoo replied tightly, his eyes still stuck on the other’s face. It felt wrong, the hand resting on his arm, the gaze resting on his stomach, it all felt wrong. He didn’t want to answer the other, he wanted to be angry, to walk off or at least ask the other to fuck off. But all he felt was fear, coiling in the pit of his stomach and making his mouth dry up.
“Ah,” Injun nodded, as if he cared about what he said, before leaning forward, his lips inches away from Sunoo’s ear. “It’s okay, I think you look good like this.”
Injun had his growth spurt late. Though they were the same height in high school, he towered slightly over Sunoo now, bracketing him against the counter. Sunoo felt the bile rise in his throat, praying his body to move, to do anything at all.
"It's been a while, no?" Injun asked, his hand coming up to rest on Sunoo's neck. Sunoo felt his heartbeat rising like a mirror to the music fading into the background. "How have you been?"
Sunoo stays quiet. It's all he can do.
"Still don't want to talk to me?" Injun looked down at him, pulling on his best sad face as a facade. But Sunoo knew that that was exactly what it was - a half-assed attempt at making him feel guilty.
"Look, I know I fucked up but it's been a while. I've completely changed," he started, leaning in closer, running his thumb against Sunoo's cheekbone. "Why don't you grab your drink and we can go talk upstairs? Like really talk. I know we had something special and I think we have time to save it."
Sunoo wanted to scoff. Special? The only thing special about this was the kind of guts it took for him to talk to Sunoo like that. He wanted to scream, truly let out every thought he'd had about the other in the past 2 years. But all his words died down in his throat, and all that was left behind was the feeling of hands around his throat all that time ago.
Injun looked around behind him and finally pulled back a little before speaking. "You don't have a drink yet?" His smile widened, twisting the knife further in Sunoo's stomach. "Why don't I make you one? Or we can share mine?"
"I'm not drinking," Sunoo replied, his voice too quiet for his own liking. "I have to drive my friends back."
"Come on, babe, one sip won't hurt," Injun insisted. Sunoo felt the edge of the cup bump against his lips and the smell of vodka hit him like a bullet. Maybe this would be his last straw before he puked all over the other man.
"I'm not drinking," Sunoo repeated, if only to convince himself.
Sunoo knew what would happen next. Injun's face darkened, his smile dimming and his hand catching Sunoo's chin. It was curiously fascinating how Injun always made it seem like they were the only two people in the world. He'd admired that about him once upon a time.
"Sunoo, let's not create a scene here," Injun replied, his other hand snaking around the back of Sunoo's head. Sunoo stifled a scream, his eyes closing involuntarily.
And then a glass crashed next to him. He heard the sharp sound and the liquid splashing against his ankle. Slowly, he felt Injun's hands loosen up a little, finally allowing him to breathe.
"Do we have a problem here?" a voice piped up from the side.
This time the voice was familiar and in a way that Sunoo felt comforted by.
Sunghoon stepped over the glass, closing in on where had been crowded up against the counter. His eyes flickered to where Injun's hands were - the cup resting against Sunoo's lips and the other gripping his neck.
"Oh? No, no, we're alright. The glass didn't even get here," Injun replied. He was smiling again, always the typical charmer, but Sunghoon's eyes were focused on Sunoo.
"Sunoo?" Sunghoon asked, quieter this time, and moving closer. "Are you fine?"
Sunoo wanted to say no, scream no in fact, but he figured his body spoke for him. A person that was fine wouldn't really be stock still and shaking from head to toe, would he? But Sunoo couldn't even meet Sunghoon's eyes, fear mixing with shame in his guts.
"He's alright, he's alright. We were just going to go out to talk. He's just a little surprised," Injun replied. His hand had slid down again, trapping both of Sunoo's wrists. Sunoo's eyes seemed fixed on the glass shattered on the floor.
"Actually, this reminds me," Sunghoon started, "I needed to discuss our class project with Sunoo. It's due at the end of the week and we're completely lost without him. Can we talk about that, Sunoo?"
They didn't have a class project due at the end of the week. Which meant one thing - Sunghoon knew something was up. Sunoo wanted to smile at him, at the lame excuse he made (who talks about class projects at parties?) but all he could do was stare at the glass, let the world pass by him.
"Listen, man, I'm sure you can do this later," Injun continued, his hands tightening around Sunoo's wrist.
"Okay, so you clearly can't pick up on hints," Sunghoon retorted, taking another step towards the two of them. "So, how about you let Sunoo come with me and we forget this ever happened?"
Injun must have fallen for the provocation because Sunoo felt his wrists fall free as the other man turned around to face Sunghoon. This was his chance, to run away and keep running. But thay would mean leaving Sunghoon in this mess and that was not a risk he was willing to take. Not today, not ever, not with anyone.
"What did you just say to me?" Injun asked, scoffing.
As if on autopilot, Sunoo moved forward, placing himself between the two, his back facing Injun.
"Sunghoon hyung, let's go," Sunoo spoke up, trying his best to put on a smile, pulling on Sunghoon's hand. "Everything is okay so let's go."
Sunghoon's eyes flickered between Sunoo's face and the looming presence behind him before falling to where Sunoo was clutching on to his arm.
"Oh, I get it now," Injun scoffed behind Sunoo. "This is who you're sleeping with, right? You should have told me, Sunoo."
Sunoo saw Sunghoon's jaw clench. He dropped his hand from the other's arm, his eyes widening. Okay so this plan failed, that was okay. He could just send Sunghoon away and figure out the rest later.
Sunoo turned around, facing Injun. But Injun had moved forward to rest his hand on Sunghoon's shoulder. He leaned forward and announced, "I don't mind sharing if you don't."
Sunoo felt dizzy, like he'd been punched. Just because Sunghoon had come to his rescue doesn't mean he deserved this.
"Injun hyung, it's not like tha-"
Before he could finish his sentence, something flashed past him. The drink that had been spilt on the ground was mixing with blood now. Sunoo couldn't even hear the string of curses Sunghoon was letting out under the sound of the punches hitting Injun's face. One, two, three, four. Sunoo counted four punches. Four punches before someone was pulling Sunghoon off the battered body on the floor.
A crowd had formed around them, Sunoo realised. And from somewhere in that crowd, Jay had pushed his way to the front, pulling Sunghoon back with the help of another senior, Yeonjun. Even with both their strengths combined, it took effort to hold Sunghoon back.
"Sunoo?" Sunoo looked up to find Heeseung, Jungwon and Niki by his side, with Jake going over to where Jay and Yeonjun were trying to talk Sunghoon down. The lights in the kitchen had been turned on and there was already somebody kneeling down next to Injun, checking on his wounds.
"Hey, what do you say, we get out of here?" Jay shouted across the small space separating them. Sunghoon had stopped straining against the arms holding him back but his anger was still visible on his face.
Sunoo quickly nodded and let Jungwon lead them outside.
They stumbled on to the curb, all of them sobering up after the ordeal. They bid farewell to Yeonjun, who took up the duty of damage control, and started walking towards the main road.
"We should call a couple of cabs," Jake declared. At Jake's proposition, Sunoo remembered why he'd gone to the party at all - as the designated driver.
Sunoo stopped in his tracks, before checking his pocket for his keys, "I'm so sorry, guys. I was supposed to drive you back. I'm sorry."
"Hyung, don't apolgize," Jungwon reassured him, stepping forward to place a hand on his shoulder. Jungwon's hand was warm and he felt his shoulders drop, the tension draining from his body.
"Yeah," Heeseung added, "we should be sorry. We didn't know he'd be here."
Sunoo shook his head, smiling at them. "You couldn't have known."
A shiver ran down Sunoo's back as he stood on the sidewalk watching the others hail taxis, his jacket long forgotten at the party. He looked down again, remembering the vodka that had been spilt on his top. At least now he couldn't tell if he was still shaking from before or shivering from the cold.
As he pulled his arms around himself, he felt a strange warmth surround him. He looked behind to find Sunghoon placing his own letterman over his shivering figure. His frown was stolidly in place still as he straightened the jacket around the other's shoulder.
Sunoo wanted to say something yet again but it seemed all his words were bound to stay hidden for the night. It was hard to say anything to Sunghoon when his face had specks of blood on it and his knuckles were busted open.
"Sunoo, I asked Jungwon and he said we could stay at your dorm for the night because ours will be a little far from here. Is that okay with you?" Jay asked as they finally flagged down two taxis. Sunoo nodded enthusiastically, this time smiling without having to force it.
They piled into the taxis, Jungwon and Heeseung riding with Sunoo while the rest took the other. Jungwon and Sunoo's dorm was a short drive away and the ride was quiet, almost painfully quiet. When they got off at their building, Sunoo immediately looked around, locking eyes with Sunghoon as he stepped out of the other car. His face had changed, the anger replaced with a weariness.
Jungwon led the group upstairs once again with Sunoo tailing them at the back, Sunghoon stuck to his side like a bodyguard. Sunoo pulled the jacket around him a little closer, gasping as he realised whose it was.
"You must want this back," Sunoo started hurriedly, starting to take the jacket off.
"No. No, you need it right now," Sunghoon replied, putting his hand over Sunoo's, the two being separated by the thick material of the jacket. As he felt his hands shake, he realised that was probably true.
As they piled in to the dorm, Jungwon got busy with his phone. A moment later he looked up, "Hyung, my friend just told me that the bastard transferred here after his service. He only started again this semester which explains why we haven't seen him around before."
It was tiring. Sunoo felt tired deep in his bones. He couldn't run away from something that had wings. He closed his eyes, breathing in and out. It's fine. If he just pretends the other doesn't exist, it'll be fine.
"Okay, well, it is what it is," he declares. "I've dealt with him before and I can do it again if need be. Today just caught me off guard. Plus, I have you guys, so I'm already kind of invincible."
"I know we haven't talked a lot but if there's anything we can do," Jay added, pointing between himself and Sunghoon, "let us know." Sunoo bowed in gratitude before realising that Jungwon was sitting perched on the armrest of the sofa Jay was sitting on and the older had his arm wrapped around his waist.
"You…" Sunoo whispered, pointing towards the hand and the waist.
"I can explain," Jungwon replied quickly, making Sunoo giggle.
It seemed like everyone noticed the glaring difference only after Sunoo pointed it out because a moment later, Niki exclaimed from the opposite sofa. "Am I seventh-wheeling right now?"
Everybody burst out into laughter, cooing at the youngest in varying voices. Everyone, except the figure sat behind Sunoo on one of the chairs lining the counter of their kitchen.
Sunoo turned around towards Sunghoon. "There's a med kit in my room if you want to…" he left his sentence unfinished as he noticed the cuts and bruises on the other's knuckles, how deep they seemed to run.
"Yeah, okay. Lead the way."
They parted from everyone else, with Sunoo pointing out to Jungwon where the extra mattresses were kept. Sunghoon hugged Jay, whispering something to him, and bowed to everyone else before following behind Sunoo.
Sunoo had never let anyone into this room. He had had no reason to. After Injun, all he did was study and spend time working on projects. He definitely didn't expect the first non-Jungwon person in the room to be Sunghoon. Despite the situation they found themselves in, Sunghoon took a second to look around the room. Suddenly, Sunoo started becoming conscious of everything wrong with his room - the pile of clothes in the corner of the room, the equipment left on on his worktable, the manuscript papers crumpled around the table. It felt wrong to let someone look into his mess, even if it technically wasn't their first time in a room that belonged to him.
"You can sit down," Sunoo gestured towards the bed. He bent down to get the med kit from one of the drawers in his table and made his way towards the figure hunched on the edge of the bed. The lighting in the room was dim, the only source of light a busted lamp placed on the cabinet next to the bed. At least it obscured his view of Sunghoon.
It was still hard to look Sunghoon in the eye. He dabbed the cleaning liquid on the knuckles first, wiping away the blood carefully.
"His name is Kang Injun. I think he studies math. He's…"
"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."
"It's alright, I want to," Sunoo continued, loading the gauze up with antiseptic cream. "We started dating in high school. He's two years older than me. We dated for two years and I broke it off just before I graduated.
"I loved him but I couldn't love the person he was becoming. Everything I liked about him was gone and he became the person you saw today. The last time I saw him was at a party, too and it went about as well as you'd expect. I haven't heard from him in two years though. If he went to serve, that's probably why."
"So why now? Why is he back?" Sunghoon asked, his voice gentle.
"I want to think it's a coincidence but I can't say with him," Sunoo replies, taping the gauze to Sunghoon's hand. He looked up, gaze fixing on the specks of blood splattering the left side of Sunghoon's face and neck like freckles. He notices a thin scrape on the other's jaw which means Injun must have gotten a couple of hits in too.
Sunoo repeated the process in silence. He couldn't look him in the eye but he could tell Sunghoon had concern written all over his face. Sunoo cradled the other's face, gently wiping the blood away. As the liquid came in touch with the scrape, Sunghoon let out a quiet hiss, his face contracting in pain.
"Did that hurt?"
Sunghoon nodded.
"Good. Because what you did was stupid."
Sunoo continued before the other could interrupt. "What you did was stupid and reckless and I don't need you to protect me."
"I know."
"And I don't want your pity and sympathy."
"I know."
Sunoo notices the blood lodged on the side of his mouth and he runs the piece of cotton over it, pulling the other's lip down.
"And I need you to promise me you won't do anything like this again. For old times' sake if nothing else. Let me handle it."
"I can't do that."
Sunoo's hand stills. They're too close and his thumb is still resting against the other's lips as he speaks. He finally looks up at Sunghoon's eyes, only to find them focused on him already. It makes him gasp.
"What?" Sunoo whispers, moving his hand away hastily. "Sunghoon, look…"
"I agree with you - it was reckless," Sunghoon replies. "But it was the decent thing to do for anyone. And you're not just anyone."
Sunoo looks away again, and his hands start shaking so he busies them - he packs away the bottles and tubes into a little bag, he rolls the unused gauze back into its container, the smell of antiseptic cream being locked away with all the materials. At some point he'd dropped the saline on his jeans so he starts wiping it away because at least then he doesn't have to deal with the figure sitting in front of him, looking at him like he was worth something more. He didn't know how to deal with those words. Who says things like that after 8 years of ignoring someone?
"Look, Sunghoon, this is my problem. And it could get messy and I don't need you to have to deal with that. I'll handle it," Sunoo explained.
And then Sunghoon decides that the night hasn't been long enough because he declares something completely insane.
"Date me."
Sunoo doesn't even have it in himself to say the words 'what' or 'are you out of your mind' because he's a little busy blinking rapidly at the other and feeling like the ground beneath his feet had fallen away.
Sunghoon must see the confusion because he pushes himself back, leaning forward on his hands so he's face-to-face with Sunoo before explaining, "Not for real. Fake date me." As if that makes it better.
This time Sunoo manages to squeeze out a very strained voice, loudly exclaiming, "What?"
"Okay not to oversell my abilities but I think I got that bastard pretty good," Sunghoon started, raising his hand up as some sort of proof, "and don't you think he'd at least think twice before approaching you again if he knows I'm around?"
Sunoo hates that it makes sense. Injun might have no self-respect but he still cared about self-preservation.
"So, what, you'll beat him up every time he comes near me?"
"Oh, god, no. This hurt too much," Sunghoon replied. A look of genuine sadness and concern flashed over Sunoo's face, forcing Sunghoon to follow up with, "I was kidding. Kidding. I'm fine."
Sunoo seemed unsure. Things like this don't happen to people like him.
"What do you get from this?" Sunoo asks, his brows furrowing. The jacket around him is snugly fit and soft to the touch; the day's tiredness is settling into his bones and he blames the daze that that brings for even considering this insane proposition. But consider it he does.
"Well, for starters, it would get a lot of people off my back," Sunghoon answered, looking at the ceiling of the room. "I'm not swamped with suitors but there's definitely some persistent ones I could do with getting rid of."
"So I'm a tool to you?"
"Wait, let me get to the more important part. It would get my mom off my back because she is convinced I'm going to die alone and if I were to bring home not just someone but specifically you, I'm winning Son of the Year."
They're both smiling now and though he can feel the tear tracks on his face from before, Sunoo can't remember why he ever felt scared.
"You know this is a stupid idea, right?"
"Yeah. But don't knock it till you try it."
Sunoo takes a deep breath. This doesn't happen to people like him but that doesn't mean that it can't.
"Let's do it."
Sunghoon lights up and Sunoo remembers how expressive he can get when he wants. His face is only half-lit by the light of the lamp but it feels like it's glowing.
"Deal?" Sunghoon asks.
"Deal."
☼