Chapter Text
Alina takes a deep breath, removing her goggles and her lab coat and tossing them into her locker. She slams the door and rolls her shoulders, groaning at the tightness.
"Was today that bad?" A laughing voice says
Alina turns and sees Genya, the head of the lab techs for this side of the building. Her copper hair is pulled up and twisted into a complicated braid. Her lab coat is perfectly settled on her body, unlike Alinas, which as much weight as she has gained since practically starving through college, has never fit completely right. Alina forces a small smile and steps closer to Genya. This small smile makes the mirthful look fall off Genya's face, and a worried one replaces it. She reaches for Alina, thinks better of it, and pulls her hand back.
"It wasn't. I'm just tired, Gen. I have to get home soon so that I can meet Mal before he has to run off to training," Alina says as she runs her hand over her face and brushes past Genya. Alina can feel the look she's given on the back of her head, the weight of it adding to what already felt like the world on her shoulders.
"Alina, I'm just worried… You haven't been the same these last few weeks. I want to know you're okay,"
Alina turns back to Genya, the redhead leaning against the door jamb, blocking Alina's only escape out of her self-made hell. Alina never wanted to go into chemistry and lab work; as much as she liked doing the makeup formulation for the products going out, this wasn't what she wanted. But you can only do so much with a full ride to NYU on a STEM grant.
"Gen, I promise I am fine. Things have just been weird with me and Mal. I think it was just how much time he spent studying for his classes. Tomorrow is going to be different," Alina grips her bag and pulls it up higher on her shoulder, trying to make it look like she feels better than she does. Genya's face falls, and Alina knows her lying skills have not improved since 2nd grade. Ana Kuya always gave her the same look when she was caught in a fib about the candy in the kitchens. Alina gives another smile and a nod, turns to the hallway, and walks toward the only way out of the basement lab. Walking quickly, she makes her way past Genya's office. A quick glance allows her to notice a dark-haired man, tall and intimidating, leaning against the desk. He glances up and scowls at her, making her blush and turn towards the elevator again.
Alina moves quicker, wanting to avoid anything to do with the dark man and his presence in the basement. As much as he intrigues her, she knows better than to dwell on him and the look he gave her. The man feels familiar, like someone she's known all her life. Fighting the pull to go back and look into Genya's office, to ask him who he is and why he's calling to her like this, is one of the hardest temptations that Alina has had to fight in her adult life.
As Alina reaches the elevator and the doors ding open, she turns and looks back while frantically pressing the button for the lobby. She sees both Genya and The Man watching her worriedly from the opening of Genya’s office. Genya leans over and whispers something to him, making him raise a brow and lean back toward her to murmur something before ushering Genya back into her office. A flash of jealousy runs through her, making her bite her lip and face back towards the elevator. What the fuck was that, Lina? As the doors close, Alina sees The Man glance back before moving further into Genya's office, a concerned look on his face. Who is he?
She feels the tears welling up behind her eyes, the lump in her throat making it hard to breathe, to even think. Alina starts to pick at her cuticles, taking deep breaths to hold back the flood of emotions. Why does it feel like I'm leaving everything behind? The deep breaths quickly work and the anxiety of going home soon comes back. She has no idea what she will come home to, or if she even will come home to anyone.
Soon, the elevator doors open to a small crowd, and Alina pushes through, moving towards the front doors. She takes stock of all her things, feeling her phone in her pocket and pushing on her shoulder bag to feel her wallet and lab notebook within the leather. She gives a sigh of relief and walks out the door, keeping her eyes on the floor to make sure she doesn't trip. This was something Mal always made fun of her for, even though he was always the one who had to help her up after she tripped over her feet.
As expected, with her luck, she bumps into someone, and they drop the stacks of notebooks they were carrying on the ground. Alina falls on her ass, staring at the woman she knocked into. The woman, a brunette with severe eyes and a downturn to her mouth scrambles for the notebooks. The glare she gets in retaliation could kill, given the right amount of power.
"Oh my- holy shit, Zoya, I am so sorry!" Alina rushes to help and grabs the notebooks furthest away from Zoya. She’s scrambling, her hands shaking.
"Watch it, Starkov. I better not get my ass chewed out because of you," Zoya growls and stands up, grabbing the notebooks Alina was able to grab. She rights the notebooks and marches off through the doors to go further into the building, probably turning in the observation books from the last batch of new foundation. Alina looks down, trying to calm her breathing. She finishes standing and fixes herself, looking around to ensure nothing fell out of her bag. People keep passing her by, not even sparing a glance in her direction while she stands up and brushes dust off her ass.
Walking out the door of the company is a literal breath of fresh air, but also the pressure of work and people allows her to breathe easier. The dread is still there in the back of her mind, but the open air pushes it back.
Alina continues on and walks toward her apartment, dreading Mal coming home. She tries to enjoy her time outside, but there's only so much she can try to focus on before she is consumed by anxiety again.
…
Alina has been home for a couple hours by the time Mal stumbles in. She is standing at the kitchen counter, making her lunch with some of the leftovers from her dinner she just made. Mal almost falls over while taking his shoes off, giggling and mumbling to himself all the way down. Alina lunges toward him to keep him from breaking something, grunting under the weight of a full-grown man.
"H-hey 'Lina," Mal hiccups and stutters out, leaning against the counter where Alina met him and is holding him up by his waist. She pulls back from him as much as she can, making a face at the smell of liquor on his breath.
"Mal, wasn't it too early to start drinking with Dubrov? It's barely 7 PM. This is getting kind of ridiculous…" Alina sighs and shifts him around to sit at the counter, rubbing her head with exasperation. He's done this 6 days in a row now… what do I do? What can I do? He’s a grown adult.. But not acting like it.
Alina grabs his face, pulling his slumping figure up enough that she can see his half-lidded eyes. They're red and bloodshot, the haze apparent in how his pupils won't focus. Alina just takes a deep breath and pulls his weight onto her again, moving him towards the bedroom.
"W-wher' we goin'," He asks, slurring this into the crown of her head, drooling. Alina feels it drip down onto her head and soak through to her scalp, a gross shiver moving throughout her body. She plants him on the bed, and nearly immediately, snores erupt from his mouth. Alina shakes her head and rubs her eyes, breathing to try to plan out how she is gonna handle this man-child another night.
Alina and Mal had been friends since middle school. He took her under his wing as the new girl when her new foster mother, Ana Kuya, enrolled her in the school. Since then, it has always been 'Mal and Alina' this and 'Mal and Alina' that. She was tired of 'Mal and Alina.' For the longest time, he helped take care of her. He helped her find the scholarship for her degree that got her through undergrad for free . Mal was her better half, and they “fell in love” during college.
Alina doesn't know exactly when she fell out of it. She always felt like Mal was gonna be it for her; he was the one who would never leave her behind. Even in high school, when he was popular and on the football team, he was hers. He still hung out with her every chance and consistently proved that she was it for him. He was perfect. After graduation and Alina getting her job in the lab, their life was perfect. They moved into a new apartment, fell even more in love, and were happy. Alina hadn't been happy like that, maybe ever. She finally felt settled and loved and like a real person.
Then Mal met Dubrov at work. Mal had been studying to be an engineer and was one of the best in his class. He met Dubrov working at a store near their apartment, and they hit it off like nobody else in the world mattered. At first, Alina made jokes about Mal loving Dubrov more than her. After a while, they weren't jokes. All of Mal's time was spent with Dubrov, except when he wasn't collapsing into Alina's arms drunk or stoned at the end of the day. That was even if he made it home. He stopped going to work, and now Alina's income was the only one supporting them. She was tired of it.
Alina knows that this isn't a sustainable living situation. She's now having to dip into her savings just to pay the bills. It's a lot on her shoulders, and mostly hating her job doesn't help. She didn't want to go to school to work in a lab, but what other choice did we have when offered a full ride? Alina dreamed of being in marketing and graphic design. Alina did not want to get a chemistry degree and go straight into makeup formulation. She was always obsessed with art and editing and just making things work . She figured after a couple of years of doing this whole formulation business, she could go back to school for graphic design and just move her way up in the company to get out of the dreary basement. Obviously, that's not happening anytime soon.
Alina finishes pulling Mal's socks and shirt off, trying to get him at least a little comfortable before leaving him and going back to finish packing her lunches. She swallows back tears and takes a deep breath, trying to ground herself.
This is a phase. He'll grow out of it. It is a phase, it's a phase, it's a phase.
As she moves back into the kitchen, seeing the mess she left behind in her haste to get Mal settled leaves an ugly taste in her mouth but she swallows it in taste of just getting through the night. Its a phase, its a phase , keeps running through her mind, probably the only thing getting her through the night.
…
The weight Alina feels as she trudges into the open lobby, bare to the world with all the windows and open spaces, pushes down on her and makes the hair sticking to the back of her neck even more annoying. Her back hurts, and her neck keeps popping anytime she turns it. After finishing her cleaning and prep the night before, Alina attempted to lay down in bed with Mal. By the time she got in there, he had starfished all over the bed and forced her to sleep on the couch, which was no longer a rare occurrence.
She felt a pair of eyes on her back, sending a weird shiver down her spine. She turns to the elevator, seeing the dark man from the day before staring her down. His dark eyes feel like weights on her, making her shoulders pull up to her ears. His face today is more relaxed, not so scow-ly as it was in Genya's office. Alina feels a pull, something in her chest telling her go, you need to be near him. Alina fights the feeling and goes to take the stairs, knowing that by doing so she is avoiding anything and everything to do with the man. Her body’s instinct is to fight her and move back toward the elevator but she brushes it off and shakes her head before continuing down to the basement level.
Genya is walking out of her office when she huffs her way down the last steps, smiley and peppy with her coffee in hand. Alina notices the frappuccino in her hand, hoping it's for her.
"Morning, Lina! This is for you," Genya states, holding out the frappuccino and a wave of gratitude pulses through Alina, taking it and murmuring a 'thank you' before scampering away towards her locker. She takes a sip of the sweet icy goodness and sighs. At least something was going her way today.
"What's on the game plan, boss-lady?" Alina turns and smiles at Genya, shrugging on her lab coat and leaning against the locker containing all her important belongings. Genya smiles and goes into detail about the projects that 'Morozova' had told her about yesterday. She seems excited, talking about “new products” and changes to the formulation which are going to make their jobs much easier apparently. Alina feels relief more than anything else because it makes her job easier.
She quickly finds out that Morozova is the dark man she's been seeing everywhere. Apparently his mother was the CEO of their company and has sent him to be the head of communications, despite his expertise being in management. It explains his dark demeanor away, but Alina still wonders why she feels such a pull to him, why she feels like she's missing something intrinsic when he's not around. She’s never even spoken to the man, and he’s already got her internally fighting the urge to be like a lovesick puppy.
Genya keeps going on about how the projects are important, but Alina can't help but go back to Morozova and his presence. His dark eyes followed her before she turned her back to the elevator, and even then she still felt the weight of it. What does this mean?
Alina moves on with her day, slugging through her lab work. It felt like her day dragged, the coffee from her frappuccino wearing off early and making the rest of her day sleepy. She skipped lunch, declining to go out with Genya. The look she got was one that she ignored, knowing she needs to eat better. She just didn’t have the extra money, and even if Genya “didn't mind” spotting her, she knew it would get old fast.
Nearing the end of the day, she got a text from Mal.
[Mal] I have to talk to you.
Alina takes a shaky breath, the building anxiety leaving a vice around her throat. His text was one she had not expected, what with the drunken stupor he has been in for the last weeks. She tries to keep it cool while running to the bathroom, trying to choke down her gasps and make them not so obvious. She accidentally slams the stall door, wincing at the loud noise, but soon giving into the panic and letting it take over.
Alina knows that this should be a relief, but all she can feel is the panic and the dread that the text brings. Her whole life has come down to Mal, from supporting him emotionally and then to physically as he fell down his rabbit hole of addiction. She’s so tired and wants it not to be her whole life.
Alina works her way through the panic attack, taking deep breaths and trying to focus on the feelings around her.
"Alina?" She hears Genya call, the door to the bathroom opening and the click clack of her heels echoing on the tile. Alina sniffles and pulls herself together, wiping her eyes of tears. The slide of the door handle is loud in the bathroom, and seeing Genya looking so concerned sends Alina into sobs, collapsing in on herself. Genya rushes to catch her, cradling her and whispering that it's gonna be alright. Alina can't believe it, can't think that anything to do with Mal is going to be alright.
"What's wrong Alina? What happened?" Genya asks, pushing her away enough to see her face and tries to get her to take deep breaths. Alina chokes it out, stuttering and going on about how Mal would leave her and she can't do it, Gen .
Genya sighs and helps her back into her office, settling in the chair across her desk. Alina is offered a bottle of water, one of the fancy Fiji ones, the only type of water Genya keeps. Alina takes a sip, letting the cold water reset her system. She focuses on the feeling of it moving down her throat and loosening the vice.
Her first calm breath is still a little shaky but more supported than they have been for 15 minutes. Alina's eyes are closed, but she still feels the presence of who walks out of the elevator after the little ding . Her eyes pop open, and she feels relief as Morozova walks into Genya's office. What is happening to me?
"Genya, can yo-" He's cut off by the sight of Alina in the chair and just takes a deep breath. Alina fights the instinct to turn around and slowly gets up, gathering her things.
"If it's alright with you, Genya, I'm going home early. I'll stay over another day," Alina says and turns, avoiding catching the eye of Morozova. She can't avoid it, as he's already looking at her in worry. The way their eyes meet is like a moth to a flame, her light brown eyes meeting his dark ones. The wave of relief which washes over her when he doesn’t look away and keeps eye contact is worrying. She feels like he’s seeing her, right through her and into her soul. She breaks their staring contest and averts her eyes as she makes her way out of the office.
Genya sighs, letting the disappointment waft off of her. "Alright, 'Lina"
Alina nods, scurries from the office, past the dark man, and grabs her things to leave. She pulls her keys out in the elevator, walks to the parking deck, and makes her way to her beat-up car. Sitting in the only thing that's actually in her name, Alina takes deep breaths and thinks about all the good things it could be that Mal wants to talk about.
"Maybe he's finally decided to get better. Maybe Dubrov is leaving, and everything will be fine…" The panic is rising, and Alina forces herself to breathe, chanting the mantra of it'll be okay all the way home.