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Ashlyn paces back and forth on the bus in her backyard. She had been thinking all day on how this plan would work.
“Maybe if we do this?” She says while writing a strategy on the white board.
“No, that wouldn't work.” She says while erasing the board. Ashlyn chews on her marker still trying to come up with ideas. She flops back in a seat, pushing her hair back.
“I’m so dumb. Why can’t I think of any good plans? Plans that would work? Any of these plans could go wrong. Someone could get hurt. I could get hurt. Someone could even get killed! I'm so stupid. I need to come up with a perfect plan. Nothing can go wrong.”
She thought to herself. Ashlyn goes to stand up, but realizes her legs are wobbly, and that her vision is fading. “ What the hell?” She catches herself on the seat in front of her.
“Now what the hell is wrong with me? First I can’t come up with a good plan and now I can’t even walk? I'm such an idiot. If I can’t even get up how am I going to survive in the phantom dimension?”
Her lip started trembling and her ears started ringing. But it wasn’t the normal ringing that she was used to randomly happening. No, it was different. It was ringing, but at the same time it was muffled. She looked down at her hands, and they were shaking.
“What the hell!? I’m a mess! What the hell is wrong with me? I hate this so much.”
Ashlyn tried to get up but immediately fell back down. Her eyes teared up.
“I can’t be doing this right now. I need to keep planning! What the hell is wrong with me? I hate this, I hate everything. Why did we have to get stuck in stupid dimension? I’m such a failure. None of my plans are right. Someone always gets hurt. Aiden sprained his ankle. I was attacked by a phantom and left with a concussion.”
She starts breathing quickly. Rapidly. She grabs the top of her head, almost pulling out some of her hair. Tears rolled down her face.
“I hate this so much. I can’t do this anymore. I just want everything to be normal. Why can’t everything be normal? Why can’t I be normal?”
Tyler knocks on the door of Ashlyn’s house and is welcomed by the friendly faces of her parents.
“Ah! Tyler! You’re a bit early, no one- Oh? Where’s Taylor?” Ashlyn’s dad asked, confused.
“She has a cold. She didn’t want to spread it to anyone, so now she's laying in bed at home.”
Tyler replied. Ashlyn’s dad nods and welcomes him in.
“Ashlyn is in the graveyard right now, on one of the buses you guys usually hang out on.”
Tyler nodded and started walking through the house to the graveyard. Tyler steps outside, making sure to close the door behind him. He whistled while walking towards the bus the group usually hangs out on. He looked down at his watch and realized how early he actually was.
“Mr. Banner was right, I am really early. Better early than late I guess.”
He thought to himself. Tyler makes his way over to the bus, just to be surprised, seeing Ashlyn on the floor crying.
“Ashlyn!? Are you okay!?” He asks frantically, running over to her. He tries to grab her and help her sit up.
“Don’t touch me! Get off me!” She yells, pushing him off. Tyler notices Ashlyn hyperventilating. He scoots back and tries to get her attention.
“Ashlyn. Ashlyn, look at me.” He says sternly. Tyler also suffered from attacks. Whether they were panic, or anxiety attacks. Though he couldn’t really tell which one she was having, he just knew she was going through one.
“Hope this works.” He thought.
“Ashlyn. Please listen to me, please. I know you’re scared but you need to listen to me.” He says, sitting on the floor staring at her. Ashlyn looks up through her eyebrows. Still hysterically crying, trying to catch her breath.
“Ashlyn, take a deep breath with me. We’ll use my finger to count how many seconds we inhale, and how many seconds we exhale.” He explained, raising his hand up. Ashlyn blinks hard while trying to wipe off sweat from her face.
“Now inhale with me through your nose, it might be hard, but try.” Tyler says. Tyler puts up his finger while inhaling through his nose, making sure Ashlyn is doing the same. He realized she obviously couldn’t be touched or held during this. Which isn’t that different from what she's like normally.
“Alright, good.” He mumbles. Ashlyn starts to look away, “Ashlyn, look at me.” He says, causing Ashlyn’s eyes to dart back on him.
“Now, exhale with me, while I put my fingers down, alright?” He explained. Ashlyn still remains silent, tears still rolling down her face. They both exhale, while closing their eyes.
Ashlyn and Tyler repeat this process for a few minutes. Causing Ashlyn to calm down more. Ashlyn grabbed her braids, lightly tugging on them.
“Stop that.” Tyler glared. Shocked, Ashlyn slowly lets go of her braids, and puts her hands on the cold, rough bus floor.
“Is it done?” Tyler thinks to himself.
“Are you better? Are you okay?”
He asks, still concerned for her. Silence. She still isn’t talking. Ashlyn stares in front of her. Not speaking a peep. Just staring. Tyler sighs, and scoots over next to her, leaning his back on the cushion of the bus seat. Both of them were sitting side by side on the floor.
“Are you able to move a lot? Or do you feel numb?”
Tyler asked, curiously. Ashlyn blinks, and tries to wipe off all the sweat on her. It had started to irritate her, her sweaty palms, head, even under her nose was sweaty. And it was starting to annoy her. She grabbed her chest to see if her heart was still beating quickly.
“Yup it is, rapidly too. I hate this so much. This is so embarrassing, why did Tyler of all people have to find me? He’s gonna bring this up the next time we get into an argument. Great, that's going to be nice to deal with.”
Thoughts swirling in her head, she takes a shallow breath.
“D-”
“I won’t tell anyone.” Tyler looks at Ashlyn, after cutting her off. Ashlyn looks at Tyler.
Her eyes then darted away, for making eye contact was weird. She tries to get some words out, even though her jaw hurts. Her whole body hurts. It feels like she had just been trying to get a gasp of air after being underwater for ages.
“Don’t force yourself to talk. It’s okay.” Tyler said. Ashlyn closes her mouth.
“Were you trying to come up with strategies for plans? And you got too stressed doing it by yourself?”
He asked, curiously. Ashlyn blinked in disbelief. She was surprised he had immediately realized why she was freaking out. Ashlyn nods.
“I can start listing some ideas. Plus it's easier if everyone is here, so we can plan together.” Tyler shrugs.
“If it’s not perfect. Then I’m not satisfied.” Ashlyn mumbles.
Tyler looks at her, pretty surprised at what she said.
“What? Why?” He asked.
“People..” She hesitated. “People always get hurt… because of my plans. Because of me. It’s all my fault.” She said, staring down at her socks.
“Can I touch you? Really quickly?” Tyler asks.
“Uhm.. I guess. Not too hard.”
Tyler softly places his hand on Ashlyn’s shoulder, causing her to flinch slightly.
“Look Ashlyn, people get hurt. There’s nothing we can do about it. People get hurt all the time. For example, Aiden chose to jump off the wall. You didn’t make him. He got hurt all by himself. Not because of you.”
Tyler reassured her. Ashlyn continues to stare at her socks. Not speaking a word.
“Now.” Tyler grunts, while getting up from the floor. “Time to come up with some ideas, you stay there.” He says while walking over to the board.
“Like I said earlier, I won’t tell anyone about what happened. But you should take a bit to calm down more, you're still sweating like crazy and breathing hard.” He says uncapping the dry erase marker. “The others are coming soon.” He mentioned.
“Tyler?”
“Hm?”
“Thank.. Thank you..”
Tyler looks over at Ashlyn, with her head on her knees.
“Of course.”