Chapter Text
Steve blinked, looking at Tony's expectant face and wondering if he'd misheard something here. “I'm sorry, you... what?”
“I want to take you out,” Tony repeated, smiling at him. Steve thought he almost looked a little nervous, but the expression was gone too quickly for him to be sure. “To dinner.”
They'd gone to dinner lots of times. Hell, they'd gone out two days ago. Why was Tony asking him as if the words held some sort of weight?
Tony couldn't be asking him out on a date, could he?
“Just to be clear,” Steve said slowly. “You're asking me...”
“On a date.” Tony raised a hand, waving it back and forth. “It doesn't have to be a whole... you know, thing. If you're not sure. Just...” Tony's mouth twisted. Yeah, he was definitely nervous. “I just wanted to know if you were up for dinner. That's all.”
Tony wanted to take him to dinner. But it didn't have to be a thing? What was Steve supposed to do with that?
Tony had never expressed any sort of interest in him. Steve was fairly sure that he would've noticed if Tony had feelings for him that went beyond friendship. So what the hell was this?
“I didn't really know you, uh...” Steve struggled to find a way to phrase it properly. “Got with men,” he said delicately.
Tony frowned. “I get with men plenty. You know that.”
Oh. Oh.
This was about that whole thing Tony had been doing recently, wasn't it? Ever since his relationship with Pepper had gone up in flames, Tony had been out and about, a different date on his arm every night. Steve had seen Tony bring men and women alike to the tower many times, a one-and-done deal that usually ended in a semi-awkward morning after and a headline for TMZ. Tony seemed to be sliding back into his old playboy ways, loving and leaving them by the dozens.
And now he was asking Steve to join his long line of conquests.
Steve considered it for a moment. It wasn't as though he'd never thought about sleeping with Tony. He'd long since come to terms with his sexuality, and Tony was one of the most eligible bachelors in the world. He was handsome with a wicked sense of humor, and if the stories were true, he was a fantastic bed partner.
But Steve could imagine the aftermath. He didn't think that Tony was one of those men who wouldn't respect him in the morning, but they were friends and co-workers before anything else. There was no reason to ruin a good thing, no matter how tempting the offer. And as far as he knew, Tony had never been in a serious relationship with a man anyway.
“I'm sorry, Tony. I don't think it's a good idea,” Steve said, and Tony averted his eyes, nodding like he'd been expecting this answer.
“Okay. Can I ask why?”
Oh god. Steve was terrible at talking about feelings, especially when he had to tread lightly. “You're one of my best friends,” he began, then shook his head. “No, you are my best friend. And I like us that way. As friends.”
He internally winced at how juvenile he sounded. He could've just said he wasn't interested in sex. But Tony nodded again, giving Steve a small smile. He didn't quite meet Steve's eyes, but that was understandable. Steve had just rejected him.
“Yeah. I like being your friend too.”
Steve sighed in relief. “Right. So...”
“Forget I said anything. Water under the bridge.” Tony turned away, waving goodbye over his shoulder. “I'll be in the workshop. Talk to you later.”
“See you at dinner,” Steve called after him, and Tony disappeared in the elevator without another word. As soon as the doors closed, Steve wiped a hand down his face, wondering what the hell had just happened. The last thing he'd expected today was to be propositioned by his best friend.
A part of him couldn't help but be flattered. Tony was in a league of his own, and for him to think of Steve that way... yeah, it was an ego boost, Steve wasn't going to lie. He'd never quite gotten used to the concept of being sexually desired, but with his new body, it had happened more and more. But considering the high-class people Tony usually went out with... yeah, Steve was flattered.
He shook his head, rolled his shoulders and headed down to the gym. Sure, it was a shame that he'd had to turn Tony down, but he knew with absolute certainty that their friendship wouldn't suffer for it. They were both grown adults, and a pass and a miss wasn't the end of the world. Whatever ruffled feathers there might be at first, time would definitely smooth things over.
Soon enough, they'd both forget this ever happened.
True to Steve's prediction, Tony greeted him the next morning as if nothing ever happened. He was perfectly cordial and nice, even offered to get Steve tickets to the MET because he mentioned he'd like to see the 'Art for the Millions' exhibition.
But in the following days, Steve noticed that Tony had retreated somewhat. Giving him space, it seemed. Usually they had dinner at least once or twice a week, and Steve had spent many days hanging out in the workshop or watching movies with Tony. Now it almost seemed like Tony was actively avoiding any kind of alone time with Steve. He wasn't going to pretend that it didn't sting.
Steve tried bringing dinner down to the workshop twice before he gave up, seeing as Tony wasn't there either time. It was unusual, but when Steve got the notice that Tony had gone on an urgent business trip, he understood. Sure, Tony hadn't told him he was due to leave, but Steve had never quite understood the ins and outs of SI, so it didn't surprise him. It was probably something important, if Tony was leaving so suddenly.
Tony still answered every one of Steve's texts, apologizing for leaving so suddenly and allowing Steve to let go of that niggling worry in the back of his mind. He'd been the reluctant victim of Tony's elaborate silent treatments before, so he knew that if Tony didn't want to talk to him, he wouldn't. The fact that Tony was still communicating with him was a good sign. And as much as Steve missed him, he couldn't fault Tony for investing more time in his company.
Steve really missed him though. He hadn't even realized how much time he and Tony had been spending together recently, but over the week he constantly found himself smiling at something he read or saw or heard and automatically turning to tell Tony – only to realize he wasn't there. When had Steve become so accustomed to Tony just... being there?
Suffice to say Steve was waiting with bated breath for Tony's return. But Tony didn't come back for almost two weeks, prolonging his trip for one reason or another, and Steve was starting to feel antsy again. He wished he could just see Tony, make sure that everything was okay between them. He'd hate for there to be any lingering tension. Steve didn't do well with these awkward social situations.
In the end, Tony came home just in time for an Avengers book signing event. Someone on their marketing team had written a 'Guide to the Avengers' mini-biography about each of them in one collector's edition. They'd decided to turn the official release into a small meet-and-greet where each of them would have their own little booth for fans to take pictures and have their copies signed.
Tony showed up with only minutes to spare, stepping out of the armor to the sound of people's cheers and waving at all of them with his signature smirk.
“Fashionably late, huh?” Steve asked, and Tony chuckled, nudging him in the side.
“Hey, don't knock it til you've tried it.”
They shared an easy smile, and Steve felt a weight lift off his chest. They were okay. Any tension had been completely inside his mind. It was such a relief that Steve couldn't stop smiling all the way through their first interview in front of the crowd.
The Q&A portion of the event went off without a hitch, and by the time they all headed to their respective booths, Steve was in a stellar mood. He took the spot right next to Tony, hoping to continue their easy banter while they waited, but the first line of fans was already in place, so Steve put on his best smile, shook hands and signed book after book. All the proceeds would go to charity, so seeing how well the sales were going was another mood-booster.
Steve gave every fan his full attention, but his serum-enhanced hearing made it inevitable that he picked up bits and pieces of the conversations around him. Nothing interesting enough to distract him from his task, but Steve couldn't suppress a smile whenever an eager fan enthusiastically expressed their love for one of his team mates.
There was one very memorable person that day though. Not because of what they said or did. Honestly, the man didn't really stand out apart from his conventionally attractive features, smooth, dark skin and curly hair. No, what caught Steve's attention was the way Tony perked up when he saw him, leaning over the table as he smiled at the stranger.
“Hello there,” Tony said in a perfectly pleasant tone as he took the book the man handed him. “Nice to meet you.”
“Pleasure's all mine.” His voice was nice, Steve had to admit as he talked to the girl in front of him, simultaneously listening in on Tony's conversation. “I was hoping you could sign this. I've been a fan for a really long time.”
“Well, that's nice to hear.” Tony twirled his pen in his hand before he set it to paper. “Who should I make it out to?”
“Josh,” the man said, leaning a little closer as Tony scribbled his signature and a short message onto the inside of the cover. “I'm sure you get this all the time, but can I just say that I love your work on hybrid nanofluid flow? I still don't know how you came up with that.”
Steve watched from the corner of his eye as Tony raised an eyebrow, looking at Josh from under his lashes. “You're an engineer then?”
“Oh, no. I teach theoretical physics at Columbia. Never got into the practical side of things myself.”
“But you read my paper,” Tony half-stated, half-asked. Josh shrugged with a smile.
“I've read most of your papers. I think my favorite was your quantum detection of wormholes.”
“More of a thought experiment, really,” Tony said, and Josh cocked his head.
“So you're in the habit of revolutionizing entire fields of science for the sake of a thought experiment?”
Tony laughed, an unrestrained laugh, the kind that Steve didn't usually hear at events like this. “I've been known to do that from time to time. If only because it pisses off the CSSP.”
Josh grinned, and Steve wasn't surprised when he grabbed Tony's pen, leaning down to write something on a piece of paper. “Hey, I don't want to hog your time, but if you want, I'd love to hear more about that later? I'll be at the event for a while.”
He handed Tony what was surely his phone number, and to Steve's shock Tony actually looked excited as he took it.
“Sure. I'll text you,” Tony said, and Josh winked at him before he left. Steve had just waved goodbye to his own fan, so he didn't miss the way Tony checked out Josh's behind as he went.
“He seemed nice,” Steve said, not knowing why he felt the need to comment, but Tony's smile didn't dim as he looked down at the number in his hand.
“Yeah, he did, didn't he?” Tony carefully tucked the piece of paper into his jacket before he looked up to greet the next person in line. Steve followed his example, trying to ignore the undercurrent of queasiness in his gut. If Tony wanted to take this good-looking scientist to bed after the event, it was no skin off Steve's back.
Though it did hurt a little that apparently a roll in a hay had really been all that Tony was after when he'd asked Steve on a date. Otherwise he wouldn't already be trying to sleep with someone else, right?
Truth was, in the light of Tony's absence these past few days, Steve had really come to appreciate the time Tony spent with him. Tony always made sure that Steve had a good time without ever giving off the feeling that he wasn't exactly where he wanted to be. Honestly, Steve couldn't shake the thought that dating Tony would've actually been really nice, if Tony did that sort of thing. Maybe he shouldn't have been so quick to say no.
Steve shook his head at himself as he bid another one of his fans a nice day. It didn't matter now. He'd made his choice, and Tony had clearly not been all that serious about it, considering what just happened. The two of them probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.
Though, if Tony had asked him out and actually meant it? Steve was starting to think that he might have liked to give it a chance.
Steve was making French toast in the common room kitchen when Tony stumbled in the next morning, his shirt rumpled and hair a mess. He was practically glowing, loose-limbed with an easy smile on his face. So he'd probably taken that scientist from yesterday home with him. Steve told himself he wasn't disappointed by that.
"Good night?" Steve asked, and Tony winked, confirming Steve's suspicions.
"You could say that." Tony grabbed a cup and poured in so much coffee that it almost flowed over. He sucked the excess off with his lips on the rim. Steve averted his eyes.
"That's good. Is he going to join us for breakfast?"
“Oh, no.” Tony waved a hand, leaning against the counter. "Josh left last night. He has a conference early today."
So they'd already parted ways. Steve felt his shoulders relax a little.
"We're meeting for coffee next week though," Tony said with a pleased smile, bringing Steve up short. Tony was going to see him again? That wasn't the usual MO. "He has some interesting projects going on. I think we really connected."
That was great. Really, it was. Steve was glad Tony was making new friends. "Sounds like you had a fun time."
"Yeah, I really did," Tony said, still with that quiet smile. The sight of it made Steve's stomach twist.
"I'm glad," he said, mostly to distract himself for the stirrings of jealousy in his gut. Sure, he didn't have any interesting science projects going on, but Tony liked spending time with him all the same. And just because they hadn't done anything together these past two weeks didn't mean that they weren't going to hang out now that Tony was back.
Steve shook his head at himself. He was acting like a spoiled teenager. Tony could go for coffee with whoever he wanted, however many times he wanted.
“I'm happy for you,” Steve said firmly, swallowing down his mixed feelings. “I'm sure you'll have fun next week.”
"Thanks," Tony said. There was a hint of hesitation in his eyes before he shook his head and walked off, toasting Steve with his cup. "Enjoy your breakfast."
"You're not staying? I'm almost done," Steve said with a gesture at the stove, but Tony smirked, tapping his fingers on his cup.
"Got everything I need. Later, Cap."
Tony was gone before Steve could remind him that coffee wasn't food. Steve sighed, looking down at the French toast, suddenly not very hungry.
It was strange, wasn't it? Tony didn't usually go out with the people he slept with. Steve would know, he'd lived in the tower for months.
Trust Tony to be full of surprises.
Steve smiled wryly to himself, putting those thoughts aside as he helped himself to a serving of cinnamon goodness. Whatever Tony was up to with that scientist, it would probably pass as soon as Tony's interest waned. Which, Steve knew from experience, could happen pretty quickly.
He didn't think he would ever see Josh again.
For a couple of weeks, Steve's prediction stayed true. Tony sometimes talked about Josh and the things he was up to at his university. From the stories, he seemed like a swell guy, intelligent and compassionate with an enthusiasm for philanthropy that rivaled Tony's own. It was no wonder they got along so well.
Still, Steve didn't see him again until five weeks had passed and he walked into the common room kitchen to see Josh seated at the dinner table, along with all the other Avengers sans Clint, who was stirring something in a giant pot on the stove. Tony and Josh were wearing fancy suits for some reason. For a second Steve was confused, but then Tony got up and smiled at him.
"Hey, Steve," he said, an edge of nervousness about him that wasn't usually there. "I wanted to introduce you to my boyfriend. Josh? This is Steve. Steve, Josh."
"Hey," Josh said, getting up and stepping forward to shake Steve's hand. He had a good handshake. Firm grip. Open smile. Boyfriend. "It's nice to finally meet you. Tony talks about you a lot."
Steve cleared his throat, hoping that his shock wasn't visible on his face. "Nice to meet you. I'm Steve Rogers."
"Oh, I know," Josh said, then flushed a little. "I, uh. Used to read the comics. Oh god, I'm sorry, I bet you get that all the time." He laughed nervously. His grin was charming too, Steve noticed. Steve could understand what Tony saw in him.
Tony's boyfriend.
"Nah, it's cool," Tony said, coming up behind Josh and wrapping his arms around his waist. He was shorter than Josh, but somehow it looked like they fit together perfectly. Steve was also taller than – "You should ask him to sign your old posters. Steve loves that stuff."
"Babe, shush," Josh hissed, now properly embarrassed, but when Tony pouted, Josh smiled like he couldn't help it, stroking Tony's arm where it rested on his stomach. "You're determined to make me look uncool in front of Captain America, huh?"
"Just Steve, please," Steve said before Tony could dig an even deeper hole, tearing his eyes away from their casually intimate touch. "I'm only Captain America when I'm on the job."
"Of course." Josh nodded gratefully, and Steve smiled at him before he took a seat, his head reeling as he snuck a surreptitious glance at Tony and Josh giving each other heart-eyes next to the table. He could feel Natasha staring at him, but he refused to meet her eyes, not wanting to see whatever she was picking up from his expression.
"So what's for dinner?" Steve asked, and Clint spun the spoon in his hand, smirking at him.
"Goulash de Barton. You'll love it." He glanced at Tony and Josh, looking them up and down and cocking an eyebrow, probably at their fancy clothes. "Are you eating with us?"
"Nah, we have reservations. Speaking of, we should probably get going." Tony pulled Josh towards the door by the hand, waving at the team. "Don't burn down the tower while I'm gone."
"It was nice meeting you all," Josh said before he fell into step with Tony, letting go of his hand to wrap his arm around him.
"And this time you'll let me pay," Tony said right before the elevator doors closed. "It's my turn, so no sneaking off to pay behind my back –"
The elevator shut with a quiet snick, cutting off Josh's response. Steve only realized he was staring when his line of sight was cut off by the doors, turning back around to see that the whole team's eyes were on him. "What?" he asked, and Bruce, Clint and Thor averted their eyes. Natasha kept giving him an unreadable look.
"It's a bit of a surprise, is all," Natasha said. "Tony having a boyfriend. Who isn't you."
"What the hell does that mean?" Steve asked, not knowing if he really wanted the answer. She told him anyway.
"You've been going out with him for months. We thought it was only a matter of time."
A matter of time. Him and Tony. A matter of time.
“Why would you think that?” Steve asked, a queasy feeling sinking into his stomach. “Tony is my best friend. He doesn't think of me like that.”
Natasha raised an elaborate eyebrow. Steve hated that look.
“What?” he snapped, and Clint sighed, raising his hands.
“Look, man. If you didn't see it, we're not going to say anything.”
That was as good as an admission. The team thought that Tony and him had been going on dates. And they'd assumed that it meant that Tony had feelings for him, despite there being no evidence for it other than... other than...
Tony asking him on a date.
Steve froze, realization dripping through his veins like ice water. There was no way. Tony hadn't meant it romantically, right? Tony didn't do romance anymore, not after Pepper. He'd certainly never made any indication of wanting a relationship with a man.
But if what the team said was true... then Tony probably hadn't planned on treating him like a one night stand. Maybe he never had, not with any of the dates he'd gone on these past few months. Steve had watched him try and try again, and just assumed that this fleeting attraction was all Tony had been looking for. And now here Tony was, with Josh, proving that all this time, he'd been looking for a connection. For something real.
And if Steve hadn't been such a prejudiced dick... that could've been him.
Steve felt as if someone had pulled the wool off his eyes as he thought back to that day. Tony had seemed nervous when he'd asked him out, in that painfully casual way he usually adopted when he was really invested in the outcome of something. And after Steve had rejected him, Tony had run away on a business trip to lick his wounds.
Tony had been serious about him. The signs were all there. And Steve had shot him down like an asshole.
Oh god, Steve had done exactly what he'd sworn to himself he never would again – judge Tony prematurely and assume the worst of him. And now he had to live with the fact that he'd destroyed his chance at what could have been the best thing in his life.
Steve liked Tony. More than that, he admired him, looked up to him, trusted him to have his back. He was only just beginning to understand how deep his feelings for Tony ran, and to think that once again he'd missed his chance...
It hurt. It really hurt.
“Excuse me,” he mumbled, getting up from the table and walking off to his room. The whole team had probably noticed his sour mood, but Steve didn't care. He just needed to be alone and think for a moment.
Tony had feelings for him. Thinking about their past interactions, it made a lot of things slot into place. The way Tony always made sure Steve was comfortable more so than himself. Buying him gifts and bringing souvenirs from his trips because they 'made him think of Steve'. The long nights spent talking into the early hours of the morning, the dinners, the galas, the smiles Tony seemed to reserve just for him...
God, Steve was an idiot, wasn't he?
He put his head in his hands, just breathing for a couple of seconds. If Tony had genuine feelings for him, then Steve's rejection must have broken his heart. He'd have every reason to get over Steve and move on to someone else. And it seemed as though Tony had done just that with Josh. A man who was handsome and smart and interested in all the things Tony liked. He really couldn't have done better for himself.
But it could have been me.
Steve swallowed around the sick feeling in his stomach, clamping down on the regret weighing heavy on his heart. Once again, Steve's realization was too little, too late. He hadn't been able to make it work with Peggy, despite knowing how much he loved her. Now he found out he had feelings for Tony, only to have already missed his shot. How was Steve so fucking bad at this?
Not to mention how much of an asshole he was for misjudging Tony in the first place.
Steve finally made it to his room, falling face-first onto his bed without even taking off his shoes. He would get to all of that later. Right now, he just wanted to lie there and wallow in his misery. It was a cowardly thing to do, but he didn't care. Steve deserved nothing less.
He had broken Tony's heart. And inadvertently, his own. So even if he'd completely ruined his chances with Tony...
He just hoped he'd get a chance to fix the damage he'd caused.