Chapter Text
Changkyun knew college wasn’t going to be easy, he knew that he’d have to speak in front of strangers and live with one or two other people, he knew that. He just hadn’t known that it was going to be this hard to do the little things too. Like getting out of bed on time or remembering to eat something with his medication and making sure he called home once a week so his mother could make sure he was doing good. Changkyun hated the way he was. Over sensitive, quiet, nothing but bad luck and uselessness all balled up and smooshed together. That was him. A walking disaster. It seemed like everyone knew it too. No one talked to him in any of his classes, though he had tried his best to pick ones that required the least amount of effort. Taking a course in music introductions had seemed like less work than it actually was.
Figuring he could just learn how to play and then practice alone in one of the soundproof practice rooms. Instead he found himself sitting at a desk writing sheet music because he’d finally found something he good at. He wrote all the time as soon as he discovered this talent he hadn’t known he had. He wrote songs without words, two at a time when he was in the mood. He wrote them for classmates who asked him, his roommate who desperately needed something to play, and for his teacher who gave him endless praise and an A+ on everything he did so long as she liked the way it sounded. Changkyun also wrote for people he didn’t know too. He wrote for strangers, people on the bus late at night who put slow eerie melodies in his head. For the girl behind the counter every Friday night that always gave him one penny to many every time. For the boy who comes over to his roommates room every other night that leaves in the morning when only Changkyun is awake. Anything that made a sound in his head, he’d write it down and play it in class the next day. He never ran out of sounds, he had an abundance of music notes that he knew he would never use up.
He also came to find out he had a knack for playing the piano. He had originally wanted to try the drums or maybe the guitar but they were proven to be disastrous. Nothing ever came out right and drums created too many complaints from his roommate. When Changkyun had slid onto the piano’s bench for the first time, he had laughed a little to himself. Him? Playing piano? That seemed about as likely as getting all A’s.. Yet here he was. Playing the piano and getting all A’s. Life seemed like a dream the first few months of college. It was hell for the first two. Trying to find out where he belonged in the world of cramming for tests at 4am and drinking a year's worth of coffee within the span of time it takes to ride the bus from his dorm to the classroom, which he was surprised was quite a lot. After he finally found his rhythm, the things he was good at, places and people he could go to; life slowed down enough for him to take his time a look around. To see that it was colder than when he’d arrived five months ago. It was chilly enough to need at least a long sleeve and Changkyun was happy to find that he wasn’t the only one who was using the weather as an excuse to show to class in his pajamas.
The only thing Changkyun couldn’t seem to get a hold on was writing the actual song. The words, the lyrics. He’d try, fumble with the direction he wanted to take, but it never worked how he wanted. The words didn’t match the feeling he had behind the sound. When he talked to his friend, the quiet rough looking kid who sat in the back by the name of Wonho, he had offered to lend a hand. Changkyun agreed and it was easy, went smoothly and all of Wonho’s lyrics came out perfectly, they mixed in with Changkyun’s notes and they both spent hours locked up in one of the rooms working out song after song. Wonho had smiled after the third one was completed, had looked up from his pile of notebook pages that were scattered around him from his his seat on the floor and said, ’you’re the lightning, and I’m the key on the kite. what we’re making? that’s the spark. this is perfect, Changkyun’. Changkyun had smiled back and from his own seat on the piano bench, he let out a soft sigh and played another piece, Wonho’s pencil working its way across each line of paper.
Night after night of this and Wonho and him had completed enough songs to make an album. The only thing was they didn’t have anyone to sing the lyrics that Wonho wrote. Changkyun had been devastated upon finding out. you can’t sing? He had asked Wonho the last night they worked together. Wonho sadly smiled and put his coat on. sorry, find me when you need more words though, that I can help you with. best of luck Changkyun was a little sad to see Wonho go. They texted for awhile after not meeting up every night, but Wonho faded out of his daily life after a while and Changkyun found himself letting it happen.
Break was coming up, Changkyun would have the dorm to himself. His roommate, a loud boy by the name of Jooheon, was going back home for the week-long break. Changkyun had lied and said he was going back home as well, didn’t want to lie and have to explain he didn’t have that kind of bond with his parents. Less complication. Besides, Changkyun was fairly certain that Jooheon was going to his boyfriends. Made Changkyun think maybe he’d like something, someone like that. A person he could go to for a hug, to keep him warm when the chilly leaves falling from the trees become snowflakes. Though Changkyun tried to talk to more people, but the girls in his class fawning over his composing skills were doing nothing but just that, praising him. Of course there were the occasional ones who would hint that they’d ’love to hear you play sometime.. maybe at your place?’. But that wasn’t, and still isn’t, what Changkyun wanted. He wanted someone who was there for him when he wanted more than a warm body next to his own. Someone who was like what he sees walking down the street. Couples with their hands intertwined, shy smiles and sweet kisses to the corner of the mouth. Changkyun wanted, but never reached out for it. Fate could put the piece together, he’d decided one night after composing a song for a pretty curly haired girl he’d smiled at on the bus home. She hadn’t smiled back and he’d named the piece ‘bitter sweet.
“See ya in a week!” Jooheon yelled halfway out the door, Jooheon’s boyfriend smiling and waving as he took Jooheon’s hand into his own. Changkyun groaned and shut the door after them. Jooheon had requested for him to see him off at the ungodly hour of 7am. Changkyun flopped onto his bed a wrapped himself into his covers. This was fine. He could just sleep away the entire break. Maybe stop by the classroom and see if they keep the doors unlocked. That way he could get a few more songs in and surprise his teacher. Maybe he should invest in a keyboard. Changkyun glanced at the clock displaying a time far too early for his taste and groaned again, snuggling further into the bed. The keyboard could wait, it was cold outside and he wasn’t about to spend first day of break in a store full of people. Later though, later.
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Later came three days later, and only because Changkyun had eaten the last bowl of ramen left. Jooheon would probably be impressed that he’d eaten that much in such little amount of time.. if he were around. Now, Changkyun found himself wrapping a scarf around his neck in attempt to cover the skin that his coat didn’t. It looked cold out, Changkyun pressed his hand against the window and shivered. It was so cold, as if the seasons had decided to skip fall and head straight to winter. He put his hand in his pocket and walked outside, leaving the warmth of his and Jooheon’s appartment behind.
There were no other people walking along the street, Changkyun noted. Probably inside where it wasn’t -20 degrees out. The logical part of Changkyun’s brain told him it’s because everyone was with their family enjoying their break. Changkyun walked halfway to the store when he felt a drop of something hit his head. And then another, and another, and oh. It was raining. Changkyun spotted a store that looked open and sprinted over to it, running inside and walking as far away from the door as the wall would let him. And that’s how Changkyun found himself in isle three of a music sheet store that smelled like old books. The lights were dim and gave the paper a yellow tint, its shelves were lined with stacks of sheet music ranging from the classics to modern. Changkyun found himself drawn to the piano arrangements in isle seven.
He flipped through an arrangement titled “why I hate pianos” while waiting for the warmth to seep back into his fingers. He didn’t even notice the slightly taller boy standing next to him, trying to read over his shoulder. Didn’t even notice the soft hum right next to his ear, breath warm against his still chilly skin. Until he talked, which promptly made Changkyun jump and throw the book.
“Oh my god! I am so sorry, are you okay?” The boy asked, trying his damned best to stop laughing. Changkyun blushed and searched for the book he was sure he’d probably broken and need to pay for. “Here, looking for this?” The boy asked. Changkyun nodded and took the book from his hand. Their fingers touched and Changkyun felt a jolt of something warm. It made him step back and drop the book again. The boy asked if he was okay again, this time with real concern.
“Y- yeah, sorry, my hands.. they’re.. I mean- your hand is warm.” Changkyun wanted to kick himself, what kind of sentence was that? The boy made an ‘o’ with his mouth as if coming to an understanding with the strange string of words that he’d heard. In the next moment Changkyun felt the same jolt of warmth again, his hand being held by the boy’s own, and then he was bringing Changkyun’s hand to his mouth and blowing hot air onto it. Changkyun was too shocked to move away and so the boy repeated the action a few more times before giving his hand a squeeze before letting it go. “Um.. Thank you?”
The boy smiled. “It’s warmer now, no? You’re welcome!” He said, picking up the book, again, and handing it over. “Want me to ring that up for you?” He asked. Changkyun noticed then that the boy was wearing a store uniform. He stole a glance at the boy’s name tag (Yoo Kihyun) before nodding dumbly. The boy smiled again and motioned for Changkyun to follow him to the register.
“You play?” Kihyun asked. Changkyun took a moment to realise he was referring to the piano.
“Oh! Yes.” Kihyun nodded and scanned the item.
“Cool, never had the money to learn how to, I envy you. How long you been playing?” He asked, tapping a lone finger on the counter. Changkyun fumbled for his wallet while he answered.
“Only about a year.” Changkyun noticed then that he’d left his wallet back at the apartment
“Ah, you go to that college just a ways up the street?” Changkyun nodded. “Nice, I’ve always wanted to check out that place.”
Changkyun gave him a questioning look. “You’re not a student?”
Kihyun chuckled. “No, I don’t go to college.”
“Why?”
“I don’t have any money.”
“Oh, sorry.”
Another chuckle. “Don’t be! Besides, I have tons of fun sleeping in and working here.”
“If you work here.. don’t you have a little money saved up?” Changkyun asked, hoping he didn’t seem nosy or rude. He seemed to have a bad habit of not knowing when to shut up, he’d found out the hard way while making the few friends he had now.
Kihyun smiled, this one a little sad. “It’s a little complicated.” Shit. He’d done it again, asked for too much information and crossed too many lines. “And before you say sorry, don’t be, I can see the regret in your eyes.” Kihyun laughed again. “You’re so innocent. What year are you?”
“First.”
“Makes sense, you seem really young. I’d be on my third year if I went to college.”
Changkyun nodded and hated himself for creating such an awkward atmosphere. Kihyun smiled politely and Changkyun wanted to shrink up and die when he realised he was probably waiting for him to pay. “Oh! I- I forgot my wallet at home..” Changkyun quickly explained.
“That’s fine! Want me to save this for you? It’s really popular right now, might be gone next time you come by.” Kihyun answered calmly. Changkyun nodded and offered a smile. Kihyun returned it and they both stood there smiling again. “Do you need anything else?” Kihyun asked after a minute.
“Umm,” Changkyun looked out the glass door from where he stood and grimaced at the rain. Kihyun laughed from behind the counter.
“Do you want an umbrella?” He asked. Changkyun was about to refuse but a red and white striped umbrella was already being pushed into his arms. “Thanks.. I-”
Kihyun eyed him, “You…?”
“I wish I had something to repay you, you’ve been really kind and you don’t even know me.” Changkyun fiddled with the umbrella’s handle.
Kihyun smiled and damn Changkyun could hear about five songs begging to be written about it. “Repay me for what? My hand warming services? Didn’t think they were that good.. maybe I should be charging people for that.” He laughed at the look Changkyun must have given him and waved his hand dismissively. “I’m kidding, hand warming comes free as charge, you can actually repay me by giving me your name so I can register this arrangement for you.”
Changkyun felt so small. He had nothing funny or witty to say and here Kihyun was, one comedic line after the next. “Changkyun.” He said, trying to make his voice into not that of a small child-like adult. Kihyun saw right through it and stopped himself from laugh just in time.
“Well, Changkyun, your item can be held for up to six weeks, so take your time coming back.” Kihyun informed him. Changkyun nodded and walked towards the door, borrowed umbrella in hand. “But don’t wait too long.” He finished when Changkyun was already outside.
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