Chapter Text
“Topher, are you really gonna do this again, man?”
Topher’s typing stopped as he quickly snapped out of his trance, but his pride overcame him, and started vigorously clacking away again.
The boys were holding a second sleepover, again at Topher’s house. Abe was hesitant when Topher had suggested another one, especially considering how their last one went plus the current tension between the two of them being in love with the same girl, Joan of Arc. Topher had revealed his crush on Joan the day after Abe told Topher he loved Joan. Abe thought it was odd, since he had never seen Topher talk to Joan once and every time Abe would bring her up, Topher seemed disgusted by the mere mention of her. However, Abe didn’t look too much into it, and just saw Topher as competition which made their friendship turn sour. So, when Topher had called him one night after a month of refusing to talk to Abe since the whole death maze situation, Abe was taken aback. For one, he did not even know if he wanted to hang out with Topher again, he thought he was a strange, selfish lunatic that always let his pride get the best of him, but on the other hand he knew Topher did not have anybody else in his life besides his foster mother. He felt bad for the guy, and he thought that accepting his offer could be a good start to rekindling their friendship. Turns out he hasn’t changed.
“One second Abe, I’ve gotta teach this guy a lesson. He needs to be educated on a couple things.” Topher sounded full of himself.
“Topher, we haven’t talked in a month, and you were the one who wanted me to come over, and now you’re pulling this stunt again?!” Abe’s voice started to get a little heated.
He never understood why Topher always decided to be rude and ignorant towards him. Throughout their whole friendship Abe sat there and gave Topher multiple second chances because he felt bad. He knew Topher was a bad person, but he wanted to help him, nonetheless. That is why he accepted his offer. He wanted to get through to him, but he never could because Topher always shut himself out. He looked at Topher, who did not say anything back and just kept typing, and thought enough was enough, no more second chances. This was it.
“If you don’t want any help then fine, I’ll just leave.” Abe said reluctantly.
At that point, Topher slammed his fist on the desk which made Abe jolt up from Topher’s bed where he had been laying down for about twenty minutes since he had gotten there.
Christ that was sudden, he thought.
He was about to start yelling until he heard a whimper. He peeked over and he watched as Topher covered his mouth and pulled down his beanie.
Shit. This was about to get real.
“I’m sorry.” Topher began sobbing.
“Hey, it’s okay, just finish up so we can talk.” Abe spoke calmly now.
Maybe just one more chance. Abe thought.
Topher must have had a lot of pent-up emotions.
The air grew tighter. Despite the size of Topher’s room, Abe was starting to feel cramped. This was the first time he had seen Topher show any kind of frustration, he was surprised he even had any other emotions besides anger and... jerk. Topher took his beanie off and chucked it behind his head, having it land at the foot of his bed. He messed with his hair after taking it off and began typing again. Then Topher’s keyboard fell silent, and Abe watched as Topher closed his browser, not even finishing the backhanded reply he was cooking up. This was when he saw Topher’s desktop for the first time, and it screamed nerd.
He had a Monster Hunter wallpaper and a ton of games. Abe took a gander at some of the games he had installed. Most of these were games that had come out within the past decade which he had never heard of, but one stuck out, RuneScape. He was surprised. He did not know people still played that game. It was the only time in his life where he really felt out of place with himself as he remembered spending hours on it and trying to get Ghandi to play with him, but Ghandi always refused and said it sounded stupid so he would usually play alone. Man, that must be how Topher feels playing all these games and having no one to talk about them with.
The room oozed with melancholy as Abe watched Topher put his arms on his lap and just stared at his screen and cried. He realized Topher had zoned out again, so he tapped him on the shoulder to wake him up. Topher flinched, wiped his tears, and spoke with a lump in his throat.
“Oh sorry. I don’t know what got into me.” His voice was cracking as he sniffled and quickly wiped his tears. He cleared his throat before speaking again, “Usually, I’m pretty in control of my emotions, but... I guess this past month has been hard on me.” Topher admitted.
“Yeah, I get that.” Abe recognized the feeling and, without words, agreed with Topher that it sucks.
“I... I just, don’t really want to talk.”
“Topher, I know we haven’t spoken in a month, but can you please just let me help you?” Abe knew Topher was starting to shut himself out and Abe was begging to be let in.
Topher turned around to face Abe. He did not dare to look Abe in the eye after that. Abe took a second to look at the boy. His hair was greasy, and he could spot a ton of dandruff where his beanie would usually sit, safe to say he has not washed his hair in a while and has been wearing that damn hat every day for God knows how long.
He panned down to his hands.
They were so dry and yet, drenched in sweat, his fingernails were too long for a guy, probably a good few millimeters more than they should be, and his cuticles were noticeably unkempt. His skin was even flaking at his palms.
Abe looked back up to look at his face.
It had a reddish tint from the sobbing. At least he finally has some color. He noticed his lips were severely chapped and that he even had a bit of dried-up blood on it, assumably from picking at his lips every now and then.
He has never seen Topher like this, he is usually very tidy with his appearance, not to look presentable to other people, but because he said his therapist suggested taking better care of his himself and his body would do wonders for how he viewed himself, and he had stated before that, it worked for the most part, and he was very proud of that.
“You look awful, man.” Abe admitted.
“Gee, thanks.” Topher mumbled sarcastically.
Abe put his hand on Topher’s shoulder.
“Topher I... I wanna help you, dude. I know we’ve had our disagreements and frankly I feel a little strange because I didn’t know this was how you would react tonight, but I still care about you, even after everything that’s happened.”
Topher stayed quiet, except for a couple of sniffs and coughs. Abe sighed, took his hand off Topher’s shoulder and sat down with his legs crossed on the floor. He was now a little below eye level with Topher. He took a second to check the time on his watch. “10:23 P.M.” He figured it was early still so he would not get tired anytime soon. Good.
“If you don’t wanna talk, fine. Just know that right now, whatever feud we had in the past is not important to me right now.”
“Abe, I never liked Joan.” Topher could not have been blunter.
“What.” Abe could not believe what he just heard.
Topher sighed before he spoke.
“Look, I’m sorry about the whole Ms. Grumbles thing, okay? I just had this really fucked up line of thinking that because of Joan, you would not have a reason to hang out with me anymore. I know I like to pretend I’m heartless, but honestly? I’m afraid, Abe. I’m afraid of my future.” Topher was speaking faster than he had ever spoken in his life.
Abe was still processing what Topher had said before, and it was very noticeable that’s what he was doing. Topher watched him stare at him with his mouth open for a whole three minutes without saying a word. Abe finally snapped out of it and spoke.
“What?!” Abe was really confused now.
“Abe, you sound and look so stupid right now...” Topher was still sobbing.
“I’m sorry I just- I don’t know what to say or even feel right now. I mean I’m... angry? I feel horrible? I wanna smack you? I wanna hug you? I’m...very conflicted right now...” Abe somberly looked down and fiddled with his thumbs.
“Jesus Christ, you know what? Forget it, if you can’t even make up your mind on how to feel about me then just leave me alone.” Topher quickly grew impatient.
He rolled back around in his chair and was about to place his hand on the mouse to open FlipFlop when suddenly his chair was swiftly turned back around and before he knew it, his face started to sting. Abe had smacked him.
“Ow! Motherfucker you didn’t have to-”
He was cut off by the taller man hugging him, and Abe hugged him hard. Suddenly, now Topher was the one who didn’t know what to feel. The stinging from the smack was mixing with the happiness from the embrace. It felt so strange, being exposed to such close physical contact that was not from his overly affectionate foster mother. Topher’s whole body was stiff as a board until he felt the vibration from Abe’s voice.
“I’m sorry. I felt like I had to do something, but I couldn’t make up my mind so I kind of just did both.”
There it was. A voice so sweet it sounded like honey and daffodils.
That’s when Topher lost it, he closed his eyes, unstiffened his body and not only melted into Abe’s embrace, but also held on to his shirt for dear life. Abe could feel Topher clutching the back of his shirt and that only made the hug tighter.
Topher realized back when he lied to Abe about Joan that he had fucked up royally. Every day became a constant cycle of waking up, venting out his frustration online, and for the rest of the day, pondering about how he was gonna get himself out of this mess he put himself in. He couldn’t just tell Abe right off the bat that he lied about liking Joan, no that would make him seem like a loser, he was too full of himself to show any kind of weakness. So, he continued to blackm-, er, white-leverage Abe to try and make himself feel better, and for a while it felt good. He was happy that Abe wouldn’t leave his side and that he wouldn’t have to be lonely. That was until the day before the death maze incident, when Topher heard Abe crying in the bathroom stall. He was just passing by, he did not even know Abe was in there, he was not even looking for him that day. His sobbing was just so annoyingly loud that you could hear it from the hall. He saw it as pathetic, and yet, for the first time ever in his life, he knew what guilt truly felt like.
That feeling ate at him for that whole month and not talking to him made it worse. He never reached out because, well, what were they gonna say to each other? Topher was never keen on apologizing. He was stubborn like that, he never liked admitting he was wrong. He knew it was all his fault, but he could never let himself feel remorse for what he had done to Abe.
That dreadful month played in his head. The endless all-nighters he pulled wasting his time on Overwatch and Hearthstone just to distract himself from that feeling of being alone had taken a toll on him one day. He caved, and called Abe and invited him to this sleepover. Because now he could finally let himself admit it.
“Please forgive me, Abe. You’re my only friend and I should have trusted that you wouldn’t leave me behind. I wanna be a better person, I really do. I want your help more than anything.”
Abe flinched. Topher had never sounded this desperate before. He rejoiced, for he felt that all those times he showed compassion and kindness to someone that didn’t seem like they deserved it finally paid off. Abe had a big enough heart to recognize that Topher was not a good person and despite that, showed him what it means to be a good friend. He couldn’t help the tears that were now softly and warmly gliding down his cheeks.
“You have no idea, how much it means for me to hear that, Toph.”
There was that nickname again. God did Topher miss that nickname.
The two boys stood there, hugging, feeling each other's hearts beating faster and faster. Topher admittedly did not want to let go, and neither did Abe. They were both stubborn like that. The hug soon came to an end when Topher decided to open his eyes and, through wet lenses, looked at Abe, who looked at him with the same eyes. His gaze was warm, inviting and safe.
I’m gonna be okay, Topher thought. I’m finally gonna get better.