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Hanbin had seen the 'rivals' storyline that Mnet wanted to craft for him and Hao coming from a mile away. He'd debated the pros and cons of feeding into that narrative, wondering if playing along would increase his chances of debuting.
Then, he spent exactly one hour talking to Hao and knew he didn't have a choice.
Hao was magnetic and charming and terrifying and ridiculous and also the cutest person he'd ever known, and he was best friends with Matthew.
Over the course of a few months, Hanbin found himself gravitating to Hao whenever he could. They would talk for hours, sharing quiet shameful fears, far-off dreams they hoped to achieve, inane facts like their favourite books. Through it all, theirs was a game of tug-of-war, played in lingering touches and furtive glances.
It was a startling, delightful, terrifying revelation to have: to stand in the midst of thousands of screaming fans, and think, you are the other half of my soul.
It was true, though. Hanbin didn’t know what he would have done if one of them hadn’t made debut.
And now, they could figure out where to go next, together.
Like so many of their deepest conversations, they ended up confessing to each other in the dead of night, three days after the finale. This time though, there were no cameras to film them, no beleaguered roommates to hear their stifled words.
Instead, they were pressed close in the living room, the entire dorm otherwise silent. Hanbin had his arm around Hao’s shoulder, breathing in the sweet scent of his hair. He smelled like watermelon that day.
Hao brought it up first, because he was always the bold one. He was, however, also blunt to his core. He said, “So, you’re my boyfriend, right?”
Hanbin choked and sputtered. He looked down to meet Hao’s gaze. Hao’s eyes were calm and expectant, but Hanbin could see his fingers tapping away at the couch under them, giving away his nervousness.
Hanbin breathed in deeply. He could hear the thud of his heartbeat in his ears. He murmured, “If you would have me.”
Hao laughed. He leaned up and whispered into Hanbin’s ear, “I want to have you in a lot of ways, Sung Hanbin. But I’ll start with a kiss.”
Hanbin turned his head and immediately pressed his lips against Hao’s. He savored the startled little gasp Hao let out, darting out his tongue to feel the smooth plumpness of Hao’s bottom lip.
He’d thought about those lips far more than he would ever admit. They were even softer and sweeter than he’d dreamed of. Hao leaned slowly back, his mouth opening pliantly even as his fingers gripped tightly at Hanbin’s shirt, pulling him down onto the couch with him.
It was at that moment that Hanbin knew he was done for. Hao would be the death of him, and he’d hand himself over on a silver platter.
It would be worth it.
They weren’t open about their relationship, exactly, but they didn’t precisely hide it either. The company knew, because they had to. The members knew, of course, probably before even they did.
Other than that, the company had firmly said they wouldn't be allowed to make it public, and neither Hanbin or Hao protested. They wanted it to remain private too.
However, all of them knew that he and Hao's chemistry was a major selling point to their fans. They would be foolish not to use that. So, it was agreed - they could keep acting like themselves, indulge in skin-ship and tender looks, so long as they never crossed the line where denial became impossible. The company would handle the rest.
It was fine - it was something he knew he signed up for as an idol. In many ways, it was easier for him than many others in the industry, because he didn't have to arrange covert meeting places and sneak around to meet with his boyfriend.
His boyfriend lived with him, slept in the room across from him. He could see Hao every day, scent him each morning, fall asleep to their quiet conversations, think fleetingly of smothering him when the snoring got too loud, kiss him in the privacy of their rooms. Taerae and Gunwook got used to their revolving door of roommates, and eventually the habit spread to the rest of the members too.
Still, there were certainly challenges.
Hanbin had discovered that very first night that Hao's skin was delicate. He was so pale that any mark Hanbin left on him stood out like a brand and lasted for days.
Their head stylist had given him a very aggrieved sigh when she first saw the marks. They'd gotten a stern warning to ensure neither of them were marked when they had any public schedules.
The leader in him agreed completely.
The alpha part of him crowed obnoxiously every time he saw Hao marked up. It made him feel equal parts proud and guilty, like he was giving in to his base instincts. He didn’t know how to reconcile the enormity of his desire with his need for control over himself.
It was worse because Hao liked being desired. It was obvious in the slow curve of his smirk, in the delicate touch of his hand stroking along Hanbin’s arm, in the heat of his gaze. Hanbin felt helpless to it.
It was especially bad on the day of their ELLE photoshoot.
Hao's lips were red, red, red. The ELLE staff had styled him in a crop top and pants that showed off his slender waist, his eyes dusted with eyeshadow that made him look a little dangerous.
But Hanbin's eyes kept going back to his ruby red lips. Hao's natural pout drew his attention on a regular day, but it was especially distracting today.
Hao noticed his stare and those damnable lips curled up into a teasing smirk. His eyes gleamed with barely hidden mischief. Hanbin let his hand rest on Hao’s hip, felt Hao’s hand rest on the back of his neck. He was spellbound.
The photographer exclaimed loudly, “That’s perfect! Beautiful. I think we’re done for the day.”
Hanbin jerked back, startled. He had almost forgotten where he was. He quickly withdrew his hand and pulled back, bowing to the photographer. Hao did the same.
Hanbin could still smell the soft scent of Hao around him - coconut today, an old favourite perfume, and underneath that the unique scent of milk-and-pine that was so distinctly Hao.
He turned away to march towards the bathroom. A splash of cold water would help.
Hao’s gaze burned along his back as he left.
When they get home, Hanbin herded Hao towards Hao and Gunwook’s shared room, Hao’s lips curving into a satisfied smile as he followed along.
Taerae had taken one look at them, rolled his eyes, and pulled Gunwook along with him. Gunwook went easily, as he’d already been sleeping in Taerae’s room for the past two nights anyway, his duck plushie resting peacefully on Hanbin’s bed.
When the door shut behind them, Hanbin grabbed a hold of Hao's hips and pushed him against the door. He kissed Hao fiercely, tasted the sweetness of him. Hao kissed him back just as fiercely, the push-and-pull of it exhilarating.
They slotted together perfectly. They were similar heights, so Hanbin could press against Hao with ease, all of them in alignment. Hao was less broad though, toned but slender, and his waist fit easily into Hanbin's hands. He felt delicate in a way that made Hanbin want to devour him, hide him away, take care of him, ruin him.
Hanbin pulled away to nose along Hao’s neck, settling at his scent gland. They had the next three days off from filming, with only dance practices scheduled back-to-back, so he could get away with leaving a mark. Hao tilted his neck back with a soft groan, giving him better access.
Hanbin lost himself in the sweet-soft-woody scent of Hao, a perfect contradictory mix, just like Hao himself. He experimented hungrily, felt how Hao reacted to a nip along his throat with a sharp gasp, how a slow curl of his tongue made Hao whine, that a hard suck got Hao to arch his back, pressing his crotch against Hanbin’s.
Hanbin moaned roughly when he felt Hao's hard heat rub against his cock. He’d been so preoccupied with discovering Hao’s reactions that he’d almost forgotten his own arousal.
Hao seemed to sense his distraction, because he reached a hand down to palm at Hanbin’s cock, his long sure fingers a heavy tease. Hanbin bucked his hips up, and Hao murmured, “I want to suck you off. Can I?”
What was a man to do, faced with a question like that? Hanbin said, helplessly, “Please.”
Hao folded easily, going onto his knees. Hanbin was about to have a heart attack. Hao looked up coyly at him, his eyes big and wet. Hanbin stared at the blooming red mark he’d left on Hao’s throat. Hao looked like a dream.
Hao started to pull at his zipper, and Hanbin watched, transfixed, as Hao slowly drew his cock out of his underwear.
Hao's mouth dropped open in surprise. His tongue darted out to lick his lips, "You're big."
Hanbin could feel his ears burn red. He said, a little uncertainly, "Thank you?"
Hao wrapped a strong hand around his cock, giving it a slow stroke. Hanbin choked back a whimper. Hao said, eyes fixed on his cock all the while, "I can't wait to have you in me."
Hanbin let out a low whine at that, hips bucking slightly into Hao's fist.
His whine turned into a moan as Hao gave a careful lick to his tip. There was a drop of pre-come on the tip of Hao’s tongue, and Hao’s eyes flicked up at him as he swallowed it.
He stared, transfixed, as Zhang Hao slowly took him into his mouth. He watched those plush lips, that he'd fantasized so much of, part and stretch wide around his girth.
Hao's eyes watered slightly as he took him further into his mouth, but Hao didn't stop until he had Hanbin fully in his throat.
He doesn't have a gag reflex, thought Hanbin semi-hysterically. He stared down at Hao, trying to commit the sight to memory.
And then, as Hao kept him deep in his throat, cheeks hollowing as he sucked, he thought, bless his lung capacity.
Hao's eyes were wide as they stared up at him, round and deceptively innocent looking. His soft cheeks bulged as he slowly moved back and forth, occasionally letting Hanbin's cock push against one cheek as he did, his tongue curling skillfully along the vein of his cock. It was so lewd. It was the hottest thing Hanbin had seen in his life.
Hanbin wound a hand tentatively into Hao's hair. Hao gave an appreciative little hum which reverberated through Hanbin's body.
Hao slowly pulled off his cock. Hanbin traced the string of saliva that linked them with his eyes.
Hao's voice was raspier than usual, but he sounded confident as ever as he murmured, "You can pull my hair, I like it. I like it rough."
Caught, Hanbin kept one hand fisted in Hao's hair, and cupped the back of Hao's head with his other hand to hold him in place.
He pulled out slowly and thrust shallowly into Hao’s mouth a few times, testing the waters. Hao didn’t resist at all, instead focusing on linking and sucking at Hanbin’s cock as best as he could, trying to match Hanbin’s pace.
I like it rough. Hanbin could hear that phrase ringing in his head. Feeling possessed, he bucked his hips up suddenly so that he sheathed himself fully down Hao's throat.
Hao gagged slightly, a small tear trailing its way down his face, but he didn't pull back. He just took it. Hanbin felt like a savage, using Hao this way, but it was the best thing he'd ever seen or felt. Hao’s mouth was so tight and warm and wet. In fact, he was pretty sure he could see the outline of himself in Hao's throat.
He groaned roughly when he saw Hao's arm move down to pull his own cock out of his pants, clearly getting off on being used.
Hao’s cock was so pretty and pink and flushed, elegant and needy as the rest of him. With his pants open, Hao's scent filled his senses, his arousal obvious. Hanbin was sure if he slipped a hand between Hao's cheeks, he'd feel how wet Hao was.
Hanbin gradually found a rhythm, enjoying the lewd sound of his cock sliding in and out of Hao’s throat, Hao’s little whines and moans that reverberated through his body, the tear-bright eyes that were staring directly into his, the rapid movement of Hao’s hand on his own cock.
Hanbin’s orgasm rose into a crest, and he tugged slightly at Hao’s hair, trying to pull him off, “I’m going to come.”
Hao put both of his hands onto Hanbin’s thighs and held him there, determinedly keeping Hanbin’s cock in his mouth, his tongue laving at the head.
Helplessly, inexorably, Hanbin came down Hao’s throat, watching the bob of Hao’s Adam’s apple as he swallowed.
His legs felt jelly-like as he slowly withdrew. He could see the slightest bit of come still in Hao’s mouth, and it trickled down Hao’s chin.
Hanbin knelt down to kiss Hao roughly, tasting himself on Hao’s tongue. He reached down and wrapped a hand around Hao’s cock, which was wet and leaking in his palm.
Hao trembled minutely in his arms, his head tilted back as he let Hanbin do anything he wanted. Hanbin twisted his wrist, delighting in the hot silky hardness in his hand, as his tongue pushed deeper into Hao’s mouth.
It felt like Hao was his, his to love and to have and to please, just as he was Hao’s.
With a sudden jerk, Hao broke the kiss to cry out as he came, spilling warm and sticky over Hanbin’s hand. Hanbin gently pumped his cock a few more times, milking out the last of Hao's orgasm before pulling back.
Hao slumped against him, panting tiredly. Hanbin pressed a gentle kiss to Hao’s hair, feeling himself come down from the high.
They sat in peaceful, perfect silence. Hanbin could feel their breaths slowly syncing up with each other, the two of them the only people that existed in the universe. Hanbin wanted to capture this moment in a box, so that he could come back to it again and again.
With what felt like Herculean effort, Hanbin finally stood up to grab a wet wipe from his bag, cleaning off his hand and then wiping Hao down. Hao watched him, eyes sleepy and content.
Hao’s lips curved into a smile, his cheekbones rising. Hanbin smiled back at him, helpless to it.
“Where’d you put the throat candies I got you?” Hao asked, his voice rough.
Hanbin immediately blushed, “Are you okay? I’ve got them in my bedside table, but I don’t know if Taerae and Gunwook will be asleep already.”
Hao laughed, “We’ll have to keep a stash in my room too. I should be fine with some warm water.”
Ears bright red, Hanbin said, “Sorry.”
Hao gave him a playful slap on the chest, “Don’t apologize. I asked for it, and I definitely enjoyed it. Don’t pretend you weren’t fantasizing about it too. I’ve seen you staring at my mouth.”
Hanbin grinned, feeling bold, “Once we have a break then, I’ll really show you what I want to do with you.”
Hao’s eyes gleamed brightly in the dim lights of the room, “I’ll hold you to it.”
Here is the thing about Hanbin: he was soft and gentle and he did everything he could to be kind.
Here is the other thing about Hanbin: underneath all of that was a sharpened knife.
The press of the mob against them was suffocating. He could feel the world around him narrowing. There was the shifting path forward, being forcefully created by their security guards. He kept a sharp eye out and counted out the other 8 members as often as he could.
He had a tight grip around Hao's arm, and he could hear Hao's quickening breaths as the mob got worse.
He was angry. He couldn’t deny it. But he knew what the industry was like, so he bit his tongue and kept pushing forward. They couldn’t afford an outburst, no matter how badly it burned.
They managed to make it through the crowd, though there were several close calls. He could see everyone looking shell-shocked and upset.
He grit his teeth. Tried to pull himself together. He couldn’t afford to lose it. He was their leader - he should say something encouraging, comfort them. The anger burned his throat and swallowed his words.
Hao laid a gentle hand on his arm. Unbidden, Hanbin turned to look at him. Hao still looked a little pale, but his face was calm and determined.
"We're alright," Zhang Hao said firmly. "Look at me, Hanbin. We're all okay. You got us out."
Hanbin held onto those words tightly. Forced himself to match Hao's exaggeratedly slow breaths. Stared at Hao's dark eyes and counted each second until he could feel himself slowly back away from the cliff side of his rage.
Finally, he felt like he could speak again. He swallowed heavily and said, "Thanks, Hao."
Hao smiled, expression a little wry but still so achingly fond. "Of course."
Hanbin turned to look at the other members, who were watching them with wide eyes. He cleared his throat, "Is everyone okay?"
They replied in a staggered chorus of yesses. Hanbin cast a critical eye over them anyway, and relaxed further when he saw that no one looked injured.
Yujin's voice was a little muffled from the way he'd tucked his head into his sweater. "It was pretty scary."
Hanbin could feel his heart crack. A part of him howled at this inability to protect his youngest pack member. He said, “Yeah, yeah it was. I’m sorry I couldn’t keep us safe.”
Jiwoong shook his head sharply, “That’s not on you. Don’t take on that kind of responsibility, it’ll eat you alive. You got us out of there, and we’re all okay.”
Hao’s hand tightened on his arm and he said, “Jiwoong’s right. We’re okay. It was scary, but we’re okay. It’s not your fault.”
Matthew pressed his lips firmly together, “And if anyone tries to tell you it’s your fault, I’ll set them straight. Including you, Hanbin-hyung.”
Hanbin let out a shaky laugh. “Okay, okay. I see I’m outnumbered. Let’s just get home, okay? I’ll talk to management tomorrow, see what we can do next time.”
Hao nodded, his hand coming up quickly to wipe at some of the lingering sweat on Hanbin’s brow. He turned to the rest of the members, “Alright, let’s decide on who’s showering first now. I don’t know about you all, but I want to sleep and the faster we get things sorted, the quicker we can faceplant on our beds.”
Gyuvin immediately shot a hand up, “Dibs on the downstairs shower!”
Ricky shoved him, rolling his eyes. “No way, you take forever. Yujin can go first.”
“Ya, like you’re any better, Kim Ricky,” said Gyuvin, “Besides, Yujin, my son, the light of my life, you wouldn’t shower before me, right?”
Yujin said, voice dry as the desert, “Of course I would. I'll take first shower, then?”
Matthew, Ricky and Jiwoong immediately nodded their heads to Gyuvin’s dramatic groan of betrayal.
At his side, Hanbin could see Gunwook and Taerae playing rock-paper-scissors to decide between them for the upstairs bathroom.
Hanbin breathed deeply, letting the normalcy of it all settle in his bones. Through it all, Hao’s hand rested on his arm, fingers tapping away rhythmically.
Hao leaned over to whisper, “If we run, we can probably beat both of them to the shower.”
Hanbin grinned and whispered back, “Deal.”
Here is the terrifying thing about Hao: he was naturally gifted in a way most people could only dream of. He'd learned violin for less than a year before entering university with a violin major. He'd somehow scored ridiculously high for both STEM and Arts CSATs. He'd picked up dancing to an idol-level within a handful of years, all while running around working part-time, competing in school competitions, and still somehow managing to graduate early.
For all that Hao joked that his greatest dream in life was to go home early, Hanbin was pretty sure it was because Hao managed to do more in an hour than most people did in a day.
So, it was easy to take Hao’s confidence for granted, that it was as ironclad as Hao liked to pretend. After all, what could Zhang Hao be insecure about?
Then, one day, Hanbin found himself knocking on the upstairs bathroom door in increasing frustration. Hao had been in there for nearly an hour, and he really needed to pee. Finally, Hao opened the door, wordlessly stepping to the side to allow him in.
Hanbin opened his mouth, frustrated, but Hao simply brushed past him without a word. Hanbin stared after him in surprise. He didn’t think Hao had ever just ignored him like that before.
Once he finished relieving himself (the bathroom had been surprisingly dry, considering how long Hao had been in the bathroom for) and went to Hao and Gunwook’s room though, the lights were already turned off. When he whispered Hao’s name, he was met with dead silence. Hao's back was facing the door, so Hanbin couldn't even see his face.
Hanbin bit his lip and slowly closed the door behind him. He was pretty sure Hao’s eyes had been red, earlier.
He wasn’t sure what to do.
When Hanbin woke up the next day, he resolved to check on Hao and see what was going on. It should have been easy, except Hao was definitely avoiding him.
Hanbin had known for a while that Hao was made up of contradictions. He was blunt but kind, honest but emotionally guarded, coolly elegant but adorably energetic. He was the strongest person Hanbin knew, but he was also so tender-hearted that sometimes Hanbin couldn't help worrying that he'd scatter apart like a dandelion. And, for all that Hao was a constant pillar of encouragement to everyone when things went wrong, when Hao was really stressed, he closed in on himself.
Knowing that didn’t make the obvious avoidance any easier to bear. Hao was keeping it professional, as he always did, answering questions about logistics and their schedules, shepherding the other members around as he was wont to do, letting Hanbin focus on contacting their manager to hear if there’d been any changes to their upcoming schedules. Nothing much was planned, just a series of videos to promote their KCON performance, and then vocal practice for the rest of the afternoon.
However, through it all, whenever Hanbin turned his head to look at Hao, expecting Hao’s usual playful gaze to be looking back, Hao was always somewhere else, not meeting his eyes.
It was a deep-seated ache in his chest, this missing link between them. On their busiest days, those little moments of connection were sometimes all that kept him going.
Hanbin managed to put it aside and focus on the day before them. There were a hundred little things that needed to be sorted, and if Jiwoong kept glancing between him and Hao worriedly throughout the day, well, Hanbin was a master at masking his feelings.
At the end of the day, Hanbin, Gunwook, Jiwoong and Taerae wound up in the same car. It was a little strange, because Hanbin and Hao almost always sat together, but Hao had ducked immediately into the car with the other four members, closing the door behind him.
Jiwoong didn’t miss a beat, once their own car door shut. “Are you okay? What’s going on between you and Hao?”
Taerae nodded, eyebrows scrunched tightly in a serious expression, “Yeah, the tension between you two was palpable. You guys alright?”
Hanbin huffed a tired breath, “Your guess is as good as mine. I don’t know what happened. We were fine all day yesterday - we even went to the convenience store down the road to eat supper, but when we got back he went into the bathroom for like an hour and he’s been avoiding me since.”
Gunwook chewed at his bottom lip, clearly debating something. Hanbin resisted the urge to tell him to stop, lest the stylists chide him.
Finally, Gunwook spoke, “Hao-hyung got a phone call from his mom late last night. He looked pretty happy at first but then he started to look a little sad, and that’s when he left the room.”
Hanbin frowned, absorbing that information. Hao didn’t usually call his family until the weekend, so a Tuesday night call was unusual. A family issue would certainly explain Hao being upset. He said, “Thanks, Gunwook. I’ll try and talk to him when we get back.”
“I’ll keep the kids downstairs,” said Jiwoong, nodding at him.
“Gunwook-ah, come sleep in my room tonight,” said Taerae, “Otherwise Hao-hyung will definitely try to use you as an excuse.”
Gunwook nodded, “Sure. I'm down to do anything to help you two. I don’t like seeing you guys upset. It feels like there’s some kind of disturbance in the universe when you two aren’t attached at the hip.”
Hanbin rubbed a sheepish hand along his chin, “I’m sorry we’ve let this affect you guys.”
Jiwoong shook his head, “You guys were perfectly professional. A little bit of tension won’t kill us. Gyuvin and Yujin fought for way longer when Gyuvin accidentally spilled water on Yujin’s Switch.”
“Thank you, all of you,” said Hanbin, touched.
“Any time, leader-nim.”
When Hanbin pushed his way into Hao’s room, Hao was sitting against the wall on his bed, knees huddled to his chest. He lifted his head briefly to stare dully at Hanbin when he walked in before burying his face in his knees, but didn't otherwise protest.
Hanbin gingerly sat down on the bed next to him. He ached with the urge to take Hao into his arms, to fix whatever hurts Hao might have. But he was also a little annoyed that Hao hadn’t said a word that wasn’t work-related to him the whole day.
“Is everything okay?” Hanbin’s voice was as calm as he could make it.
Hao shook his head, not looking up.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
Hao started to shake his head again before stopping himself, shrugging his shoulders instead.
Hanbin wished he would look up so he could see Hao’s eyes. “Is it something to do with your family?”
Hao nodded, and Hanbin could see Hao’s ears starting to flush red, the way they always did when he was getting upset.
“Do you need to go home?” asked Hanbin, careful. It would be very difficult with their debut coming up, but if Hao really needed to go home then Hanbin would move heaven and earth to make it happen for him.
Finally, that made Hao lift his head. He opened his mouth, once, twice, wordless, before his eyes spilled over with tears. Hanbin wrapped an arm around him immediately, and Hao collapsed into his chest.
“No, I don’t need to. I just want to. My cousin just had a baby. A boy. He's the first baby born in my generation and I can't see him. I can’t even tell my cousin when I'll be able to see him. I haven't seen my parents for nearly two years. And I still can't even get the fucking pronunciation for In Bloom right!" Hao said, his voice hitched from the force of his tears. "What if I made a mistake?"
"I think," Hanbin whispered, his heart aching and feeling too big for his body, "That you are amazing and wonderful and that you can do anything you set your mind to. And I'm sorry I can't help you with this. It sucks that you can't just go home. I know you miss your family."
Hao continued to cry, tears leaving wet trails along his cheeks. His hands were clenched so tightly that his nails were leaving dents in his palms. Hanbin gently covered them with his own, and Hao slowly uncurled his hands.
Hanbin said, voice gentle, “Do you regret it? Coming here?”
Hao swallowed, and Hanbin could see him turning the question over in his head. It made him glad to see that Hao was considering it carefully and not just saying what Hao thought he wanted to hear. He wanted Hao to be honest with him, to be comfortable sharing his innermost thoughts. He wanted to be a safe space for Hao in the hurricane that was their lives, just as Hao had been for him so many times before.
Finally, Hao answered, “No. I don’t. I regret missing out on everything back home, but I don’t regret coming here, if that makes sense?”
Hanbin thought of the college life he’d left behind, the easy casualness of being able to attend class without people following him around, the dance classes he used to lead, and thought about the idol life he had now. He said, “Yeah. That makes sense.”
“I want to be here. I want to be an idol. I love the life I have here. And if I hadn’t come here, I’d never have met you . I just feel so homesick sometimes, and that makes me feel so ungrateful. I’ve got everything I want, and yet I want more.” Hao sounded exhausted, a hand tiredly wiping at the tear tracks on his face. “Then I started thinking about the recording coming up, and it just made me feel even worse. Everyone's looking at me, at us, now. And I just feel like I'm going to screw it up somehow.”
Hanbin bit back the instinctive denial that Hao could do badly at anything. It wouldn’t help at all. Instead, he stroked a gentle hand along Hao’s nape and said, “Which parts are giving you trouble? We can work on them together.”
“You’re so busy already, Hanbin-ah. I can figure it out.”
Hanbin pulled back so he could stare into Hao’s eyes, “I’m never too busy for you, Hao. I know I’m younger than you, that you keep telling me that I just need to look after the team and you’ll look after me - but, hyung, I want to look after you too. Because you’re part of the team, and because you’re my boyfriend, and my omega, and a million other things besides.”
Hao stared at him, mouth open. He swallowed a few times before saying, “I’m sorry, Hanbin-ah. You’re right.”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“No, I do. I shut you out when you’d done nothing wrong. I’m just so used to handling things on my own, that I forgot I could rely on you now.”
Hanbin grabbed both of Hao’s hands and held them close, “I just want you to know you can always come to me, hyung. I'll always be here. I want to be able to help and support and take care of you hyung, just like you do to me.”
Hao bit his lip, but then nodded firmly, “I want that too. I don’t think I’ve ever really had that before.”
Hanbin smiled, “Well, I can be your first.”
“Well, you already took one of my firsts, what’s another one?” Hao’s voice was light, a weight clearly lifted off his shoulders.
Hanbin frowned, confused. He knew for a fact that Hao hadn’t been a virgin when they got together, so he wasn’t sure what Hao meant. Honestly, sometimes Hao zipped between moods and topics so fast that Hanbin felt like he was scrambling to keep up.
Hao leaned closer to him, lips brushing against his ear, and said, “You’re my first love, Sung Hanbin. I love you. Thank you for being you.”
Hanbin’s heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. He felt filled to the brim with adoration for the impossible, heart-rending omega in his arms.
“Wǒ yě ài nǐ, Zhāng Hào,“ Hanbin whispered back, stressing the Mandarin pronunciation carefully. “I love you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
Very gently, Hao pulled Hanbin down onto the bed, so that Hanbin had to use his elbows to prop himself up. He stared down at Hao, taking in the sight of him. Hao’s nose and eyes were still a little red, his face tacky from his tears, cheeks blotchy.
He was the most beautiful thing Hanbin had ever seen.
Tenderly, gently, he leaned down to kiss Hao. It was soft and sweet, just the two of them in a quiet room. Hanbin didn’t think he could ever tire of just kissing Hao.
It was well past midnight now, and the long day was catching up to both of them. Hanbin could feel Hao slowly drifting off under him, the omega keeping himself awake through sheer force of will. Hanbin imagined that the crying fit had sapped Hao of whatever energy he’d had left.
With one last chaste kiss to the bow of Hao’s lips, Hanbin drew back and settled himself next to Hao instead. Hao immediately turned and buried his face in the nape of Hanbin’s neck, breathing in deep. The position put Hao’s own scent gland right under Hanbin’s nose.
Hanbin took a slow breath, letting Hao’s scent fill his senses. He thought of the tattoo on his collarbone.
Hao was his sun, his moon and his stars. Hanbin swore he’d do everything he could to keep him safe.
As he drifted off to sleep, he thought, I better check some flight prices back to Fujian, when we next have a break.
He smiled.