Chapter Text
“That’s it—we’re hiring an exorcist!”
Xingqiu looked up just in time to see Hu Tao stalk out of the bathroom, though he quickly jerked his book back up when he saw she was only wearing a towel. “What are you— Put some clothes on!”
“I would, but the ghost stole them!” Droplets from her wet hair sprayed his hands as she whirled around and slammed her bedroom door. “Call the exorcist, Xingqiu! We’re evicting our unwanted roommate! Our— Our meddlesome freeloader.”
Xingqiu sighed and sat up in the armchair, mourning the loss of his comfortable position. “I told you I was working on a spell to handle it.”
Hu Tao cracked open her door to reveal her unamused amber eyes. “Oh yeah? And how’s that going?”
“Um …” Xingqiu glanced at the book in his hands, which was decidedly not a spell book. Hu Tao groaned.
“Xingqiu, what good is being a witch if you can’t get rid of a simple spirit?” She shut the door again.
“Hey, you know witches aren’t made for those sorts of spells.” Xingqiu prided himself on his enchantments, transfiguration, and even the occasional divinations that didn’t go awry. When their apartment first showed signs of a ghost a month ago, annoying Hu Tao of all people, he’d promised to take care of the problem in exchange for paying less rent. He really was going to exorcize the ghost … next week, maybe.
“Your inability to do so is exactly why we need to hire a real exorcist.” Hu Tao opened the door, finally dressed in a baggy black sweatshirt and lounge pants, her wet hair tossed behind her back. “Yanfei told me about one. I think it’s called Ghost Blade Services? Or Spirit Blade? Spirit Slasher?” She strode past him to the couch and plunked down next to Plum Blossom, giving the cat a few chin scratches.
“‘Ghost Blade’? ‘Spirit Slasher’?” Xingqiu dragged his laptop onto his lap. “Those sound like trashy horror movies. Or a thirteen year-old’s edgy usernames.”
“Mine was ‘FuneralFun666’ back in the day,” Hu Tao said proudly. “Actually, it still is!”
“Why am I not surprised,” Xingqiu sighed. In the search bar, ‘ghost blade exorcism services’ did not yield any results, but replacing ‘ghost’ with ‘spirit’ did. He clicked on the link of the proclaimed ‘Spirit Blade Exorcism Services’, leading to a poorly crafted website with half of the default images still in place. Thankfully, at least the tab with the exorcist’s contact information had been updated.
“Did you find it?” Hu Tao leaned over to peek at his screen. “What is that email? [email protected]?” She wrinkled her nose.
“Looks like it.” Xingqiu smirked. “Are you sure you still want to hire them?”
“Better them than you,” Hu Tao shot back. Plum Blossom meowed. “And Plummy here agrees!” She giggled and reached a hand toward the tortoiseshell, but the cat slipped out of reach. “Aw, come back! Plummy …”
“How did Yanfei even hear about this service?” Xingqiu asked as he typed up an email to [email protected] .
“It’s …” Hu Tao counted on her fingers. “Her friend’s girlfriend’s … nephew. I think.”
“What an extensive social network we have.” Xingqiu scanned the email he’d typed up. “Alright, I’m about to send it. You’re sure this is legit, right?”
“Re lax, Xingqiu. He’s an exorcist, not a serial killer.” Hu Tao flopped down on the couch. “And if he is, I’ll know! I just have a sense for those sorts of things, ya know?”
“Tell me about it,” Xingqiu muttered. With the tap, the email was on its way. He set his laptop aside and curled back up in the armchair, trying to get comfortable again. “So the ghost took your pajamas?”
“My favorite sweatshirt,” Hu Tao wailed. “You know, the one with the pompoms!”
“You’ll probably find it in a cabinet like, in a week.”
“Thanks. Hey, how come it never bothers you?”
“I don’t know. Maybe I’m too nice for it to haunt.”
“Wha— I’m nice !” Hu Tao pouted. “Ugh, I can’t wait for the exorcist to get here and get rid of it.”
The lights flickered. Somewhere in the kitchen, a cabinet banged open before creaking shut.
“Oh, grow up!” Hu Tao yelled. “You know you aren’t supposed to be here, Mr. Ghost!”
“She didn’t mean that, Mr. Ghost,” Xingqiu called after her. “Please don’t be mad.”
“Whatever. He’s probably just here to steal my Netflix password.” Hu Tao reached towards the coffee table where the TV remote was precariously set on the edge of a stack of spell books. “What do you wanna watch?”
“You can pick.”
“Cool, I was thinking the new Miraculous Ladybug movie.”
Another kitchen cabinet slammed.
“Kidding!” Hu Tao made a face. “Ghost can’t even take a joke.”
When Xingqiu woke the next morning, Plum Blossom was batting at his face and Hu Tao’s alarm had been blaring for the past fifteen minutes. He also had eight notifications on his phone, most notably an email in his inbox from [email protected] .
Hello Xingqiu,
It sounds like you’re being troubled by a common house spirit. I can be over at 10 am on Saturday, if that works for you?
Regards,
Chongyun
Spirit Blade Exorcism Services
“Sent at two A.M.” Xingqiu huffed a laugh, shaking his head. “He’s almost as bad as Hu Tao.”
Dear Chongyun,
Yes, that will work for us. See you Saturday.
Xingqiu
“He’s here! The exorcist’s here!” Hu Tao crowed, leaping up from the couch. Xingqiu got up to follow her while Plum Blossom bolted straight for Hu Tao’s bedroom, ever the scaredy-cat.
“Hu Tao, at least wait for him to use the doorbell,” he sighed, peeking out from behind her shoulder.
“It’s broken, remember?” Hu Tao glanced back at him. “He’s here. You ready?”
“For what? You can tell he’s not a serial killer, right?”
“Hmm …” She tilted her head. “You’re right, he’s not.”
With that, she flung open the door. The exorcist was there, one hand held up to knock.
“Oh, um.” Slowly, his hand fell back to his side. “Hello.”
Staring at the exorcist, it took Xingqiu a moment to remember how to breathe. It was as if winter incarnate was standing at their doorstep—he had a stoic face as if carved from ice, pale blue hair, and eyelashes like fresh frost. He was dressed in snow white clothing accented with light blue, a bag slung over his shoulder. But it was his eyes that were the most striking part of him, ice blue and catlike as Plum Blossom’s. They were unlike anything Xingqiu had ever seen before.
“Come in, come in!” Hu Tao’s voice snapped him out of his reverie. Suddenly, it was his roommate who was looking like a cat—one who’d swallowed the canary, judging by the rapidly growing smirk on her face. “So … you must be Chongyun! Xingqiu’s told me all about you.”
“What? No,” Xingqiu blurted, trying to ignore the catlike eyes now trained on him. “I-I mean, you were the one who wanted to call an exorcist. Not me.”
“Oh … right. Silly me.” Hu Tao fluttered her lashes, then reached over and shut the door. Now that the frosty exorcist was standing in their apartment, Xingqiu could swear the temperature was cooler too. Wait, no, it was feeling hotter.
“I’m Hu Tao. And this is Xingqiu!”
“It’s nice to meet you both,” the exorcist—Chongyun—said politely, giving Hu Tao’s hand a shake. “So, you two have a ghost problem?”
He cast a glance around the apartment, which made Xingqiu wince at how cluttered it was. They had tried to tidy up (or rather, he had tried), but Hu Tao’s very existence went against the notion of tidiness. Scattered around the room were stacks of Xingqiu’s spell books and novels, bat wings and solar essence from Hu Tao’s latest “experiment”, and no less than six dusty crystal balls hoarded by Plum Blossom in a corner. But if Chongyun was put off by any of it, he didn’t show it.
“Do you mind if I have a look around?” he asked.
“Go ahead!” Hu Tao waved her hands.
“Just— mind the cat,” Xingqiu added. “She’s shy.”
“... What is going on with you?” Hu Tao whispered to Xingqiu as the exorcist started poking around their kitchen. “You totally froze when you saw him.”
“I did not.” Xingqiu bit his lip. “I just— didn’t expect him to look like that.”
“Oh my god, like what ?” Hu Tao sounded unbearably coy.
“Can we not talk about this right now? He’s literally right over there,” Xingqiu hissed. She gave him a look he’d come to recognize to mean, This conversation isn’t over yet. He pretended not to notice.
“It’s just as I suspected,” Chongyun said, walking back over to them. “All the signs of a common house spirit. They’re harmless, but they are considered pests for a reason.”
“Honestly. It keeps stealing my clothes. And eating my leftovers. And leaving cabinets and drawers open. I’ve hit my elbow at least three times.” Hu Tao rubbed at said elbow with a frown.
“The good news is, that’s the worst it’ll ever do.” Chongyun put a hand on his bag, which presumably held his exorcism materials. “Do you have anywhere I can draw some spell circles? They won’t damage the floor, I promise.”
“Sure!” Hu Tao pointed down the hall. “You can use Xingqiu’s room.”
“What?” Xingqiu stared at her. “My room?”
“Um, yeah? You’re the witch in this household. You definitely have enough floor space for spell circles, and my room … doesn’t.” She smiled, not the least bit apologetic.
“But—” Xingqiu stole a glance at the exorcist, whom his brain was finally acknowledging as cute, and whom Xingqiu definitely could not allow in his room. “But it’s … It’s not clean,” he finished lamely.
“That’s alright. I can wait for you to tidy up a little, if you’d feel more comfortable,” Chongyun offered.
“Oh no, I couldn’t take up more of your time than I should,” Xingqiu said quickly, but Chongyun shook his head.
“Don’t worry about it. I need to sort through my talismans anyway. Please.” He gestured at the hallway.
Archons, he’s cute and courteous, Xingqiu thought, with an internal groan that was definitely loud enough for Hu Tao to hear—which she did.
“Alright! Let’s go clean!” She grabbed his wrist and dragged him down the hall. “Make yourself at home, Chongyun!” she yelled before shutting the bedroom door. She spun around, placed her hands on Xingqiu’s shoulders, and squealed.
“You like —”
“Not so loud!” Xingqiu slapped his hand to her mouth, but immediately jerked away. “Did you lick me?”
“Don’t change the subject,” Hu Tao scolded. “And if you’re worried about him hearing, just cast a silencing charm.”
“I’m going to, because you’re loud when you’re annoying.” Xingqiu muttered an incantation; the corners of his room shimmered with the blue of the silencing charm.
“Soooo, you’re into an exorcist, hm?” She leaned forward, a knowing smile on her face. Xingqiu smushed his palm into her cheek.
“I’m not into him.”
“Oh, sure.”
“Really, I’m not.”
“C’mon, you know you are! Just ask him out!”
“I don’t even know him.”
“That’s the whole point of the first date.”
“Well, he’s probably not even allowed to date. Aren’t exorcists strict about those things?”
Hu Tao rolled her eyes. “Xingqiu, stop making excuses! This is probably the only time you’ll ever get to see him. After today, he’s leaving and never coming back!”
“Wouldn’t it be weird to ask out the exorcist you hired though?” Xingqiu ran a hand through his hair, grimacing at its half-clean state. “I don’t even look good right now. He’ll probably think I’m weird. Or creepy.”
“You look fine,” Hu Tao assured. This, coming from someone who went on dates in white shirts that still had spaghetti sauce stains on them.
“I’m still not asking him out.” Xingqiu crossed his arms, hating the way his face was burning. The last time he’d asked anyone out was … Never ago.
“Hmph, fine. I guess I can’t force you,” Hu Tao finally said, miffed. “Even though he was thinking …”
Xingqiu perked up. “What? What was he thinking?”
“And I thought you didn’t approve of me snooping into people’s thoughts.” Hu Tao stuck out her tongue. “Find out for yourself, Xingqiu! And while you clean your room, I’m going to investigate this icy cold exorcist you’ve hired.”
“You were the one who hired him!” he yelled as she escaped out the door. With a sigh, he pressed his fingers against his temples, trying to quell the headache that always came with being in Hu Tao’s presence—literally and figuratively. He didn’t usually keep his mental shields up this high, but he couldn’t risk a single embarrassing thought slipping out right now. He didn’t even want to imagine what she was doing to their poor guest now.
“The sooner the spirit’s exorcized, the sooner he can leave,” Xingqiu muttered as he took stock of his room. It wasn’t even that messy, aside from some dirty laundry and a few book stacks that needed straightening. The few romance novels on his nightstand were promptly shoved into his closet, and for the first time in forever, he made his bed.
“Okay.” Xingqiu blew out a breath. “Just act normal. It’s not like you like like him or anything. You just think he’s physically attractive. Like how idols are. Or the Light of Kshahrewar. Just. Nice to look at.” He forced a smile, however uncomfortable it felt on his face, removed the silencing spell, then stepped out into the hallway.
“Well, that was weird. Sorry about that—I don’t know what’s gotten into her,” Hu Tao was saying. Xingqiu paused before entering the living room. They were both sitting on the couch, their backs turned to him. “Did she get you at all?” she asked.
“Not at all, I’m fine.”
“We don’t normally have guests over. Guess she isn’t used to strangers.” Hu Tao sighed. “Normally she’s very sweet. Xingqiu and I adopted her about two years ago. We just kept feeding her until she walked right into the apartment! And our hearts,” she cooed. Thankfully, Chongyun didn’t seem too put off by her cat mom behavior.
“That’s nice of you. I’ve never had any pets.” He paused. “It sounds like you two have, um, been together for a while.”
“Us two? Together?” Hu Tao sat up. “You mean, me and Xingqiu?”
“Oh, my apologies,” Chongyun stammered—it was startling how red his ears were turning. “Are you two not …?”
“Ahahaha!” Hu Tao threw her head back, laughter bubbling up from her throat. “You are a riot, Chongyun!”
“Um … thank you? Again, I’m sorry—”
“No, I get it. I mean, we are a boy and a girl living together. He’s a great roommate too! Would recommend. But to answer your question, I’ve got a girlfriend.” She leaned towards him. “And just between me and you, Xingqiu’s single.”
Panic shot through Xingqiu—how could she be saying all these things about him?! He had to stop her. A silencing charm on his feet worked wonders as he crept towards the couch.
“So what about you? Are you with anyone?” Hu Tao asked slyly.
Chongyun shook his head. “Not anymore.”
“Anymore?”
“It was … an arranged affair.”
“I get that.” Hu Tao nodded sagely. “Are exorcists as strict as people say they are?”
“When it comes to certain things, especially marriage and relationships. They’re very conventional.”
“Ick.”
“It’s not too bad— Oh, you’re back!” Chongyun finally spotted Xingqiu who was—admittedly—lurking behind them.
“Uh— yep. I’m back.” Those eyes really were remarkable, Xingqiu couldn’t stop himself from thinking. He started to wonder what magical properties they held—maybe they purposefully entranced people who looked into them—but forced the thought away.
“Well then,” Chongyun said, offering a half-smile and no, Xingqiu did not feel his breathing stutter at that. “Let’s go catch a ghost.”