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When I was 10 years old life was pretty fucked up. I was this huge outcast because, like, who wanted to be friends with some punk ass white kid covered in freckles and had demon red eyes that reminded them of the firey pits of hell? No one, that's who. It was really bad, kids would push me down, hit me and kick me, steal my crayons and snacks.. all because I was different from them. It got worse over the years and I have a few scars to prove it, stab scars and such. It was at it's worse when I was 12, I thought about killing myself every day. I mean, sure I had Bro at home every day to cheer me up and feed me and be my brother and guardian but that just wasn't enough. I was convinced that I was the ugliest most worthless thing in existence, I was this little loser outcast kid with no friends.
Then I met this boy... The God I had stopped believing in so long ago came through and blessed me with this angel. A black haired, bucked toothed, glasses wearing blue eyed angel. Every moment I spent with him was like heaven. His name was John Egbert and he was the light of my life and the main reason I am still alive to this day. That's when my shitty life became significantly better. Everything was starting to work out, John would help protect me from bullies and we'd share cookies and everything and..
Fuck... by the time I turned 15 and actually knew what love could really potentially be... I knew. I knew that John Egbert had stolen my heart and I had stolen his and I only realized this when we were watching one of his shitty movies in his room on a Friday night after school and he was getting pissed at me because I wouldn't stop insulting Matt McconaGAY (the movie was Faliure to Launch or whatever) and so to get me to shut up he kissed me. He fucking kissed me right on the mouth and I froze. God I froze and he freaked out and thought I hated him and John, if you're reading this I don't hate you I never could. Then I kissed him to make up for freaking out on him.
I was confused. How could a beautiful angel love a demon like me? I mean, I always knew I wasn't the most attractive person on the planet, but one day he told me that he found me the most beautiful thing that could ever exist and god damn it he knows how much I love it when he gets all sappy and it makes me cry. It's so uncool but fuck it. He makes me cry the happiest tears and he knows it's his doing and he hates it when I cry and tries to get me to stop by making me laugh so hard I bust a gut.
When I was 18 and we were in college things started to go downhill for me again, which sucked because I took it all out on him and yelled at him a lot and I didn't mean any of the things I said like that time I called him a twat licking thunder cunt and and and when I accused him of cheating. I was real stressed out due to college classes and finals and I wasn't the smartest and my peers were all really fucking rude... And he left me. I felt small, inferior to everyone at this point. Everyone and everything had been so much better than me and then the boy with blue eyes came back and apologised and I apologised and he told me that I was the most important thing universe to him and he just took my breath away and I'm crying on my laptop now. Fuck.
On my 19th birthday I was scared. Fires were all around us in the state of California. All I remember was the color red. We had to evacuate our apartment to a shelter and it would have taken us ages to get there but it didn't, because we didn't go the way most people traveled. We went out on the back roads all the way to the canyon and stayed the night was we watched the fire from afar. I was so scared. It was dark and there were noises but he comforted me and I eventually opened up and well... I let him take me. He was first and I'll never forget that night... in which the flames kissed the moon turning it red for what seemed like forever until the sun came out and washed away the fear of monsters and of losing him.
He was the one I called home. The one I went to for anything and everything. We did it all together but we worked seperate jobs.
When I was 24 he had asked me to marry him. I freaked the fuck out. In a good way. I tackled him onto the couch with rips and tears in it and we made love.
We contemplated on adopting a baby girl, when I was 25. He wanted to get her the most, name her Casey, give her a present on her 4th birthday and watch as she opened it to find an old tattered bunny from the movie Con Air that I had gotten him ages ago just so he could tell her to "Put the bunny back in the box." But we decided not to have children just in case something terrible happened.
And that brings me to last year. I was 26 years old, it was storming out and I had just called him at work to drive safely... but...
He didn't see the semi coming on the intersection. The cops said he went straight and fast and that he looked to be in perfectly good condition. I agreed to see him one last time.
I got to see him one last time.. but he didn't fucking get to see me and we never get to grow old and wrinkly together and and and and
Give me a second...
......
........
.........
I thought about killing myself, and attempted it plenty of times that year. I would never love anyone again, ever. I will never love anyone else.
The last thing he said to me was, "I love you too, babe, I'll be home in 10."
He never came home.
HE NEVER CAME HOME.
FUCK.
Now I'm 27, I live by myself. My brother is dead, and my lover is dead and now I'm all alone. But I keep going. I keep going because that's what John would have wanted. That's what he wants me to do. Sure, it's hard but I have to keep my head up to make him proud. I've adoptted a baby girl, I'll be the best dad, I'll see her graduate and walk with her down that aisle. I will try to teach her from my mistakes. And I hope to god she wont lose what I lost.
John, I love you.
Casey, I love you.
Bro, I love you.
So, that was my story. Pretty awesome, huh? Yeah it was because it was my life and I am the epitome of awesome.
It feels good to have told someone that.
I'm Dave Strider, I'm 27 years old, I have an averaged sized dick, a beautiful young girl named Casey Egbert, and I have never lost hope.