Chapter Text
Living in Tokyo was very different from visiting it. Jay should have expected this but it was still a surprise—a jarring one that, on bad days, often made him question whether it was the right decision to move here at all.
He wasn’t necessarily unhappy. In fact, Jay was glad he had the opportunity to experience Japan like this, in a way that allowed him to mingle with the locals and live the way they did. This was the type of immersion he wanted from the get-go, neck deep to the point he had no choice but start mastering Nihongo if he ever wanted navigating around the city to become easier. But there was one thing he hadn’t anticipated.
The bullying.
He was aware of this—the Japanese weren’t always very kind to outsiders, to gaijin, but he’d researched about this a lot. Talked to so many people, ones who’d lived in Japan for years. The experiences varied but the majority of the feedback said something similar: bullying here was the exception, not the norm.
As luck would have it, Jay fell into the norm category.
It started out as them mocking him for every little thing: how he dressed, the way he spoke, his expensive stuff, the way he would get excited while talking about something he was really interested in. From there, it had escalated—turned physical. They started roughing him up, first harmlessly. A shove, a bump of the shoulders, a foot where he was walking so he would trip and fall and embarrass himself. Break things.
You know, the classics.
Over time, it got worse. They started beating him up when he got mouthy and began fighting back. No one helped, not even university administration, because he was a foreigner. People seemed to be under the impression he had done something to provoke these guys—nice guys generally speaking—so it must have been Jay.
It must have been his fault.
He endured it because he found that when he didn’t give these boys, his seniors at the local university he attended, the reaction they wanted, they got bored really quickly. They would always have a go at him though, a hit or two, sometimes each, and it wasn’t uncommon for Jay to go to class or back home with a busted lip, a black eye, sore limbs.
He’d stopped bringing his expensive stuff, too. More than once, his seniors had broken something of his that he treasured very much including his prized acoustic guitar, a gift from his parents, smashing it to so many pieces there was no way it could be fixed. That said, he started shopping for school supplies and other stuff at a daiso near his place instead. Jay wouldn’t miss these items and they were very cheap. Easy to buy again, to replace.
Except the more he had to do these unnecessary things, the angrier Jay got and he didn’t like being angry. It was a healthy emotion of course—he knew that. But this wasn’t healthy at all, the way he felt. It was poisonous resentment and on a near constant basis, Jay felt like he was on the brink of snapping, of breaking, and he was afraid that one day, he would end up doing something terrible. So he looked for an outlet and, one sleepless weekend night, discovered an indie visual kei band.
It was by accident. Jay was too polite to refuse the flyers and brochures that people often handed out in the streets of Setagaya, and he was sorting through them and preparing them for recycling when one slipped from his grip, fluttering to the floor, only to land face up. Jay leaned down to pick it up but the fivesome on the shiny paper distracted him—specifically one of them.
The people posing on the brochure were dressed strangely. This wasn’t new here in Japan if you ventured to the right places but Jay still found himself a bit fascinated. It was a giveaway that everyone on the photo were boys but they were done up prettily, in a way that made them very feminine, and their mishmash of clothes, provocative and as epicene as their makeup and hair, made them out as dainty in an eccentric, twisted way. The Kareninas, it said below. They had instruments so they were obviously a band. Underneath their name were some social media handles and then names, presumably of the members.
Narihira. Jake. Takemi. Hoon. Kafu.
More than just a little intrigued, Jay set their brochure aside, bundled up the rest and put it somewhere accessible for trash day. And then he retreated to a corner of his tiny apartment, his little study nook where the kotatsu was. He tapped on the mouse pad of his laptop to wake it up, sitting down on his fluffy, overused zabuton before looking up The Kareninas.
The first result was their Soundcloud.
There were a handful of songs, all loud and heavy and angry. Jay switched to his headphones since he didn’t want to bother the neighbors, his interest growing. He was enthralled. Their music was all rock with many influences but it was their looks, as he clicked on their Instagram account with its modest three thousand followers, that made The Kareninas one of a kind. It was to be expected of a Japanese band, he supposed: everything about the Land of the Rising Sun, overlooking what was traditional, was different from the rest of the world. He clicked further, this time on one of the photos, the same person from the brochure catching his attention on screen as well.
Lead guitarist, it said. Jake.
He was breathtaking. The shot was candid, taken from below the stage while Jake was playing, and he looked so into what he was doing, eyes closed, tiny waist pinched further by a corset, he could very well be in a world of his own. Leaning against the table surface, Jay started scrolling through the rest of the photos.
Narihira, vocalist.
Takemi, rhythm guitarist.
Kafu, drummer.
Jay stopped and stared in awe a second time as he clicked on a picture of the bassist, Hoon. Where Jake was mindless of his photo being taken, Hoon was looking straight at the camera instead and he was intense, almost aggressive, the way he looked back at the lens. At Jay. He was wearing an off-shoulder top, exposing his left-hand side up to the collarbones, and he looked… great. Fashion wasn’t supposed to have a gender but Jay had to admit: not everyone could pull off Hoon’s look but he did. It was like the top, the entire look, was made just for him.
After a few more clicks and looking around, Jay followed all of their accounts. Subscribed to their basic website’s newsletter. And then he spent the rest of the night listening to their songs, again, so angry. It was almost like The Kareninas was singing for him. About him. The screaming and the growling and the guitar riffs, the pounding of the drums, the thrum of the bass, they reflected everything Jay felt about his situation. His life.
He fell asleep to Narihira screaming profanities only to wake up the next day with his bluetooth headphones dead—he hurried to charge it—and an email from, surprise:
The Kareninas.
They had several lives scheduled the next few weeks.
Jay grinned in excitement as he switched from his phone to his laptop again, taking note of the dates and venues. What a coincidence. He was going to go see them for sure! It looked like they were touring around the general area where he was but Jay was familiar with only one venue, the basement live house Shelter in Shimokitazawa. He knew where this was and had been in the Setagaya city library a building away.
The live fee was cheap, too! As a small band, that was, again, to be expected. Jay was quick to create an account on their site and then accessed further details—signed up to their fanclub membership on the spot—and then accessed the live details for the venue he wanted. In no time, he’d secured a ticket. Even bought a shirt and a hoodie with The Kareninas emblazoned in front. Just in time.
By the time he clicked back on the homepage, all the merch was sold out and so was the Shelter live. It said the venue could only hold up to three hundred people and Jay was one of them.
Lucky!
Jay spent the rest of the weekend eager and, the rest of the week leading up to the live on Saturday, not even his bullying seniors could dampen his spirits. He’d found his outlet. Could even interact with them. He’d found an escape.
No matter what, he was going to be just fine. Not unharmed obviously but ok.
He was going to be ok.
When Jay arrived at Shelter, it was to find that most of the attendees were girls. They were all dressed and done up very particularly, similar to the band’s aesthetic. He felt a little out of place and found himself rushing to the nearest Lawson and, while Jay couldn’t really do anything about his clothes and didn’t have time to shop for something else to change to, he could apply a little makeup, right? So he bought some eyeliner. Asked for help to put it on from the girl working the cash register who was more than happy to oblige.
After, he stared at his reflection from a borrowed mirror. The kohl made his eyes less sleepy, which was its default, thanks to the way the girl had lined it, giving him tiny wingtips on the edges of his lids. It looked pretty. He thanked her several times before leaving and hurrying back. There was already a queue and he lined up, still feeling out of place and sticking out like a sore thumb, but thankfully a few other guys showed up, either with a girl or in mixed groups.
No one really talked to him which was fine.
At half past seven, the stairway that led down to the basement live house lit up in neon and everyone in the queue cheered. Jay grinned, excited, and even shared eager smiles with the girls in front of him. The line began to move and the anticipation was palpable. There was a charm to the live house—it looked like the back door of some unimportant building and there were even crates stacked up near the door.
But it was endearing. The band was just starting out if Jay remembered what he’d read last week correctly, not even two years old. They were starting from the bottom. It was going to be a great story once they started playing bigger live houses. Gained popularity. Became more successful.
When Jay walked in, he was surprised by how small of a space could have a bar on the side. It was very tiny but they managed to fit one in. There was even a section filled with lockers for anyone who needed a place for their stuff but Jay didn’t really have anything.
Further into the room was a raised area with barricades, the stage, and it was even tinier, cramped with guitars on their stands, the drum set, and several amplifiers. In contrast, Jay’s excitement was so big he couldn’t stop smiling, stopping to stare up at the fun, Roman-numbered clock on one wall, lit up in white, pink, and yellow before heading to the bar. He ordered a beer and had a little chat with the bartender, asking about this and that. A few people overheard. Joined the conversation when they realized he was new.
Soon, Jay was talking to a big group of highschoolers who all called him oniisan, and it was cute. They answered his questions about The Kareninas, filled him in on a lot of different things about “the fandom”. Made him feel like he belonged. However, they were interrupted as a door off the side of the stage opened and everyone’s anticipation shattered into a million pieces.
It turned to full blown excitement.
Like the rest, Jay watched the band members file out one by one, led by Narihira. Jay was absolutely struck because he was seeing the vocalist in the flesh. Nearly at the same time, everyone moved to gather in front of the stage, the highschoolers pulling Jay along. The room was filled with screams and shouts and cheers.
Jay made sure to be as loud as everyone else.
“Yo Shelter!”
Narihira was a bean pole, all long limbs, tall and wild looking in his crazy hairstyle as he grabbed the mic and greeted everyone. He honestly looked like a half-grown pineapple but it didn’t matter; he pulled it off. He was so cool. He said a few things in Japanese but since it was too noisy, Jay could barely understand what he was saying, still unused to the language.
So he looked at the other members.
He was only able to admire Takemi and Kafu fleetingly because his gaze fell on Hoon just then, his bass guitar already strapped around him, wearing that off-shoulder top from the picture Jay had seen though this one was black. He was a sight. The color of his outfit made his pale skin stand out even more, but the true highlight was the black thigh-shorts he was sporting, complete with thigh-high boots of the same color, leaving a gap of mouth-watering skin still visible.
He looked amazing and those legs… jesus.
Finally, there was Jake who was busy talking to the drummer. Jay admired him from afar in his tube-top corset and matching arm warmers. He was wearing a frilly little skirt on top of his pants, pants that looked so tight it could have been painted on. There was no way anyone could wear that like normal pants. A pair of platform boots completed his look but the clothes were just decoration.
The real highlight was his face. He was so fucking pretty.
But Jay didn’t have time to keep staring at the two—undoubtedly his favorite members if it wasn’t obvious—because Narihira said a few things that drove the crowd wild, wilder than they already were. After that, they started hard on Kafu’s lead and though he was a few seconds late, Jay started to head bang like everyone else.
It didn’t matter that he could hardly understand anything. Every time the crowd screamed the word fucker, he screamed it with them. With Narihira. At one point, with the rest of the band. It was strange—how could this room hold so much energy, so much directed anger?
「 Radical Fucker Japanese Fucker
Destroy Mr. Fucker! 」
Panting and jumping around with the crowd, Jay’s attention eventually went back to Jake. He and Hoon were near the door they’d come in from, playing in front of each other, their faces very close. Just one head tilt from either of them and they would be kissing. Jay wanted them to do that. Fuck, he really did.
Lead guitar and bass were smirking at each other but it was in contrasting ways: Jake’s was playful and flirty. Hoon’s was sexy and dark. They were so different. They looked so good together and Jay really wanted to see them kissing.
And they did.
It was as the song switched with emphasis on Hoon’s playing, his bass, its deep sound—a brief moment, a press of his and Jake’s lips, but even as a bystander Jay didn’t know why the lip lock felt so charged. So… sensual. Maybe it was because of how Jake had tilted his head sideways to be able to kiss Hoon properly, slotting their mouths together in a very intentional manner.
Holy shit. Holy fuck.
When they pulled away, with Jay still watching closely, nearly forgetting all about the song, he stared at the way Hoon’s smirk widened a fraction as he and Jake stared at one another for a second. And then he turned to face the crowd.
Looked straight at him.
Jay nearly choked on nothing and even more so as Hoon winked.
Fuck.
The rest of the live went by in a daze of singing, screaming, jumping around, head banging. Jay was so tired after.
It was worth it.
Jay bought tickets for other lives nearby.
He wanted to see The Kareninas again, specifically Jake and Hoon, and he’d also promised the highschoolers he met at Shelter that he would see them again. So they made plans. They were attending some of the lives he was going to as well. Jay looked forward to it.
Three days later, his merch finally arrived.
He laundered them and then wore the hoodie everywhere. He wished he would’ve bought two because, at the rate Jay was using this one, it would get worn out easily. Oh well. He also decided to bleach his hair just because he wanted him and Jake to match, though he ended up with a much lighter shade than the lead guitarist’s honey blonde.
Jay felt reborn. His seniors ignored him two days in a row but only because they didn’t know it was him. But the bullying resumed and, when they saw his hoodie, it got worse. He didn’t know why.
He headed home with a limp that day, hoodie torn in places, all of his happiness from seeing The Kareninas seeping away to be replaced by that poisonous resentment he was trying so hard to keep at bay. Stopping by a convenience store, Jay ignored the wary glances from the employees. He knew what he looked like—a delinquent. He headed for the first aid items area. Someone was there but he excused himself to grab a few things: band aids, cotton balls, disinfectant.
His fucking Kareninas hoodie. He wasn’t going to get another one like this…
“Are you ok?”
He glanced at the person who he’d excused himself from to find he was looking at him. He seemed a little familiar but Jay’s mood wasn’t the best and he couldn’t quite focus. He was so angry because of his hoodie. It was such a stupid thing to be upset about but…
“Yeah, fine,” he muttered, turning back to the shelf. He leaned down to try and get a box of band aids and winced. Jesus. “Ow. Probably not as fine as I think. Can you please grab me a box of those?”
Whoever this person was, they did as he requested in a snap, grabbing a pack of cartoon-themed band aids. He handed them over.
“Here you go. What happened to you?”
Jay closed his eyes for a moment. He was in so much pain… and this guy had so many questions, didn’t he? Blinking just an eye open, he glanced at him again. He was looking at Jay’s hoodie, at the logo in front, The Kareninas.
“Thanks. Got into a fight,” he muttered lamely, glancing down at himself. “They ruined my hoodie. This is brand new—love this band. I’ll never get one of these again…”
The guy laughed. He fucking giggled.
“I have an extra hoodie just like that.”
Jay narrowed his eyes because that sounded a little suspicious until he slowly realized why this person was familiar. It only clicked as he watched the guy smirk at him, his honey blonde hair unstyled, bangs falling over his eyes in delicate waves.
Jay gasped and stepped back. Winced and went ow a second time but recovered far more quickly because holy fuck?
“Are you Jake? From The Kareninas?”
Jake’s smirk turned into a grin as he assumed a guitar-playing position. He looked so different without the makeup and the outfit but not in a bad way. In fact, where he was pretty onstage, like this he was handsome as fuck.
It was so confusing.
“That’s me,” Jake answered, smiling at him winningly. “I live nearby. It has a bit of a factory defect—the hoodie I mean—but it’s barely noticeable. The stitching on the side is just a little bit off-center.”
Jay was still staring in shock. Fuck. Of all the times to meet Jake, why did it have to be after he’d just been beaten up? He probably looked horrible. He wasn’t making a good impression, was he? He hoped Jake wasn’t judging him because if he was, how could Jay ever face him again during their future lives?
Not like he wasn’t still going to go.
“I—you’re serious? About the hoodie?”
Priorities.
Jake giggled again. It was the best sound ever. Jay already felt healed. All these scrapes and bruises and bodily pains? They were insignificant earthly things that he could overlook. They didn’t matter at the sight of his favorite lead guitarist talking to him in a random aisle of a convenience store.
What movie was this?
“I am. It’s not everyday a random stranger I meet at a 7 Eleven says he loves my band.”
Jay laughed in embarrassment.
“Well… I was at Shelter and you guys were great. I’m very serious. I love you—your band. All of you. As a group. You know what I mean. I’m sorry—I can’t believe I’m talking to you.”
“You’re making me blush,” Jake teased, reaching out and taking the items in Jay’s hands from him. And then he walked around him. “Come on. Let’s get this paid and then let’s get you a new hoodie.”
Jay followed eagerly, still limping, like a puppy. It was Jake. Jake of The Kareninas.
If he died now, it would be with happiness.
“Sunghoon?”
Jay froze at the doorstep of an ordinary looking apartment at hearing Jake shout. He was in the middle of taking his shoes off by the genkan but was already peering in, shouting again.
“Hoon, you here?”
Oh god, Hoon and Jake lived together?!
“Stop shou—oh. Hi.”
Someone appeared around the corner just then, stepping into the hallway and the light spilling through from outside, providing Jay a full view of his face. It was him. Those collarbones were definitely Hoon’s, Sunghoon’s, who was currently shirtless with a towel over the back of his neck, his dark hair still dripping a bit. Had he just come out of the shower? But more importantly, how could anyone look good just right after a fucking shower?
He looked like a model.
“Hi,” Jay managed to say back, voice surprisingly steady even if it was a little high pitched. “Hello.”
Jake’s job was to giggle because that was what he’d been doing since Jay met him.
“This is Jay, Sunghoon. Ran into him at the convenience store—I’m giving him our extra hoodie because the one he’s wearing is ruined. He loves the band.”
Sunghoon had turned fully to face his direction, one hand lifting the end of the towel to rub at his hair while he stared at Jay. His body was perfect. Jay tried not to ogle but it was difficult. He liked him and Jake so much. They were his gods at this point with how much he’d been listening to The Kareninas and raving about them with a bunch of teenagers.
“Nice to meet you, Jay. Come in. Not sure where the hoodies are though… probably inside one of the boxes in the spare room.”
He almost told them he was ok to wait outside instead but Jay was curious. Very curious. So he followed Jake into their apartment, smiling awkwardly at Sunghoon who gestured him to go ahead as he took the rear and walked behind him.
“Sit down and let Jake do the looking,” Sunghoon told him as they arrived at the main room, surprisingly plain with only the most basic furniture. Oddly enough though, there weren’t any cooking appliances in sight: not a stove or an oven. A microwave. Weird. “Want a drink?”
Jay sat down where the kotatsu was and accepted out of politeness’ sake.
“Sure. Anything you have is fine.”
Sunghoon walked past him and into the kitchen, affording Jay a view of his back: the smooth white planes of it, the way his shoulder blades moved as he opened the fridge door and reached in—
“Got it!”
Jake stepped out of the spare room carrying not one but two hoodies in different colors. One was black, the other a navy blue. He presented it to Jay, brandishing it in a manner reminiscent of a matador.
“There were only two left so it’s your lucky day, Jay—you can keep both.”
Jay brightened and then winced. Fuck, his side hurt. Anyway:
“Really? I can have both?”
“Yeah,” Sunghoon said, flopping down across him and placing a can of Pepsi in front of him. “Here. You all right? You don’t look good.”
“Fight,” was all Jay said, grabbing the can and opening it. He took a quick sip so he didn’t have to explain further.
“He was at Shelter,” Jake told Sunghoon as he sat beside Jay, his grin back. “His first live of ours. He said he’ll be attending others.”
“You’re not just saying that to get free hoodies, right?”
Jay choked on his Pepsi, making Jake laugh. He loved making Jake laugh. Putting the can down, he hastily wiped at his mouth and chin with the sleeve of his ruined hoodie.
“No! I’ll be in Garage, Four Forty, Mosaic, and Club Que.”
Sunghoon made a face like he was impressed.
“So basically, every live we have in Shimokitazawa.”
Offering a sheepish smile, Jay scratched the back of his head with a tiny nod, a little shy as he glanced at Jake who was watching him with a smile.
“Yeah… I really like your music. And your energy. I want to experience it again.”
There was a moment of silence where Jay felt weird—had he been too much of a fanboy? But Jake was quick to fill it with more conversation and he was relieved because Sunghoon’s stare was a little overwhelming.
“He lives near us, too. Sunghoon and I just moved here,” Jake began, turning back to Jay. “We could use a friend.”
Jay’s jaw practically dropped to the floor. Him? Friends with lead guitar and bass of The Kareninas?
“I think he’s having a mental breakdown,” Sunghoon muttered, leaning back with his hands a little behind him on the floor. He was smiling now. “Cute.”
Oh lord. Jay felt himself flush because had Sunghoon just called him cute?
“Definitely cute,” Jake echoed, making Jay glance his way all flustered and speechless. “Want to stay for dinner?”
“I can?”
Jay barely held back his wince, this time not because of the pain he was feeling. It was because of how eager and cringey he sounded. Ugh.
“I just offered, didn’t I? Here, keep your hoodies close to you. So you don’t forget them.”
This was a dream. Jay took the hoodies, a little dazed. It was Sunghoon who laughed this time as he pushed himself off the floor.
“We never cook so we’ll get takeout. I’ll do it—Jake, entertain him. Maybe have the rest of the band drop by.”
“Sure! I’ll call Kafu but we need to take care of your injuries first, Jay.”
Holy shit.
Jay ended up having dinner and a drink with The Kareninas.
He couldn’t believe it.
“We’ve got it,” Takemi told him, waving a hand his way when Jay tried to grab his wallet. “You’re our fan. We have to treat you well.”
And they did. All the members talked to Jay normally, casually, like he was their friend. It got worse the drunker everyone got. He really was dreaming… glancing at Jake and Sunghoon who were seated together, he straightened a bit. They were making out.
“Ignore them,” Kafu muttered, pushing their bowl of kaki no tane closer to him so he could snack on them while drinking his beer. “They do that a lot but they’re ‘just friends.’”
“Makes for good fan service. Plus friends can make out,” Jake said, pulling away from Sunghoon to look first at Kafu and then at Jay. “It’s just skin on skin, mouth on mouth. It doesn’t mean anything.”
“Then why aren’t you kissing the rest of us?”
Narihira’s slurred, challenging question was met with laughter, even from Sunghoon himself. Jake wrinkled his nose.
“Because I know where that mouth’s been. I don’t like girls and you’ve kissed girls in places I’d rather not think about.”
“Faggot,” Narihira muttered, snorting, and while the word was very offensive, it was obvious he was joking. Jake didn’t take real offense either but he reacted with a gasp and a fake snarl, diving forward to shove at his chest.
“Take that back, asshole!”
But because everyone was more than tipsy by now, Jake barely made it to the vocalist who swerved sideways, too drunk to keep himself steady so that he fell on the floor to roars of laughter from Takemi and Kafu. Sunghoon was laughing too but it was more quiet.
All this while Jake fell straight into Jay’s arms, his lap.
Oh shit.
Jake grinned up at him, his eyes shiny and bright. He wasn’t sober but Jay wasn’t either. No one was in this room.
“Hi,” he breathed out and Jay felt himself blush. He was too close. “Girls or boys, Jay?”
Jay glanced at the rest who were still laughing about Narihira—he was so drunk he couldn’t even get up—before looking back down at a waiting Jake.
“Boys,” he answered in a whisper. “They don’t mind, right?”
The lead guitarist’s smile had turned into that familiar smirk of his, the one Jay had only ever seen onstage and once earlier, while they were in the convenience store.
“I certainly don’t,” Jake whispered back before pushing himself up, his eyes fluttering to a close, to kiss Jay.
“Oi! Jake, you fucker—”
“He likes it,” Jake mumbled, cutting Kafu off, all while climbing onto Jay’s lap properly, Jay who couldn’t stop himself from kissing back. Jake’s lips were wet and didn’t taste like beer. Strange because that was what they’d been drinking all night long. “He likes me. Everyone likes me. You do, right Jay?”
Jay couldn’t even answer, busy as he was with his mouth and kissing Jake deeper. Fuck his lips were so soft.
“We did say we’ll treat him right as our fan,” Takemi pointed out, unbothered. “But maybe take it to the bedroom. Some of us are straight, Jake.”
Jake giggled and pulled back, struggling to stand, and hounded Jay up along with him by the arms. They nearly fell if not for Kafu.
“Ok boys, I’ll take care of this one. Hoon, you wanna join?”
Drunk as he was, Jay felt his brain short circuit. Hoon? So… the three of them? When he looked at the bassist, it was to find him watching not Jake but him. His eyes were very focused—he didn’t look as drunk as the rest of them.
“In a bit,” he answered, not taking his gaze away from Jay. “If you’re both still awake by then.”
“Come here,” Jake said, not needing to be told twice. He dragged Jay by the back of his hoodie. “Jay, move faster.”
They stumbled into one of the bedrooms and Jake slapped a hand on the light switch. Jay winced at the sudden flood of brightness, never mind it was a warm, comforting yellow, before Jake was pushing him against the door. It closed with a loud thud, not that he noticed because they were kissing again.
“You’re really cute,” Jake whispered, licking at the reopened wound on his lower lip. It stung a bit but Jay moaned because it felt good. It was also really hot, never mind he could taste blood in his mouth. “Fuck me, Jay.”
Wait… he could?
“You really want me to?”
Jake laughed, giggled, moving backwards and already taking his clothes off.
“Did I stutter? Come on, baby. Want you in me. Any way you like. Just give me your cock.”
Fuck. Jay probably wasn’t thinking straight—neither of them were with the amount of beer they’d consumed—but at the very least, they were in the same state. It was a shared decision between drunk, maybe consenting adults. Right?
Jay nearly tripped over his pants as he tried to step out of them but Jake fell on his knees in front of him. Helped. Obviously he had other motives.
“You’re big,” Jake told him, eyes half-lidded where he was on the floor. “Let me get you ready.”
It was all happening so fast. Jake took his cock with both hands, one on the base, the other near the head, and stroked him slowly, watching him all the while, his grip meeting halfway. He did that for a bit as Jay bit back every too loud moan and groan. It felt so good. Hands that weren’t his always felt extra good. Unfortunately, he lost the ability to stay quiet as soon as Jake took him inside his mouth and began sucking him off.
“Fuck,” he moaned aloud, the back of his head hitting the wooden door as he threw his head back. Jake was taking him deep, nearly all the way, and he was being messy about it. Whether it was because he was drunk or this was how he liked his blow jobs, Jay wasn’t sure. “Jake.”
Jake just moaned around his cock, gagging as he went, and Jay was so close so quickly.
“Don’t make me come yet,” he begged and, thankfully, Jake complied. He pulled away, his chin a mess of spit. He was grinning again, flailing as he tried to stand. He fell back on the bed where he crawled backwards, lifting a hand. Beckoning Jay with a finger, seductive, so handsome and pretty and Jay was going to lose his damn mind.
“Make yourself come then. Inside me.”
Jay was on him in a heartbeat, fumbling around with a condom and the lube after asking where it was. Jake refused to be prepped—
“Sunghoon and I did it this morning. He fucked me,” he whispered where Jay was on top of him, his legs loosely wrapped around his waist, and Jay groaned. Now that was something he wanted to see, too. Sunghoon fucking Jake. “So no need for prep. Stick it in and enjoy, baby.”
Jake was so crude, so filthy… and Jay didn’t know why but he liked it. Liked him like this.
It was a blur from there—Jay was too drunk to remember a lot, and a lot was happening: Jake’s legs high up his waist as he pounded into him, his nails scratching at the skin of Jay’s back. He was going to pay for all this the next day since he was still aching in certain places after his seniors had their way with him but just like the live…
Worth it. And this was all just based on what Jay could recall.
The next day, he woke up to a still sleeping, very naked Jake cuddling against his side while Sunghoon hung out by the doorway, tapping at where a watch would be and smirking at him as soon as their eyes met.
“You mentioned you’re in university, right? I think you’re late.”
Jay checked his phone. He was. By three fucking hours.
“Shit!”
He flew out of bed—Jake just groaned and turned the other way—uncaring that Sunghoon could see everything. He grabbed his clothes and hurried to put them on.
“Sorry gotta go!”
Just before he could run out of the apartment, Sunghoon tossed him a paper bag.
“Breakfast and lunch. See you soon, Jay.”
There were two sandwiches inside and, though he was supposed to have one for lunch, Jay ended up eating both—one on the way home where he took the quickest shower of his life and the second one on the way to campus.
Later in the afternoon, he received a message from an unknown number just as he was walking to his next class.
Guess who?
Clue: we had fun last night.
Jay grinned and even more so when Jake sent him a selfie.
Drop by tonight? No beer.
Just me.
And Sunghoon if he wants to join.
The answer was a resounding yes.
Jay started coming over often and almost always, it ended with him and Jake having sex. If fucking him drunk had been an experience, it was even better sober. Jake loved sex, was more than happy to try anything with him, and was always very eager.
So far, Sunghoon still hadn’t joined them. He always said later but he never actually showed up even if he lived in the same apartment. He never complained about all the noise either and they could get very loud, especially Jake who didn’t care that everyone knew he was getting laid.
Even after their live performances, Jake and Sunghoon always invited him to stay a bit. Jay wondered if this made him a groupie. It didn’t feel like that. Sometimes, it really seemed like the two were his friends. They asked about him, about his classes, about his interests, and they remembered the things he said. Referred back to them.
In the case of his preferences, they recalled those things, too. Whenever Jay stayed for the night, they would have his favorite food and drinks. Have the AC just right, in the temperature he preferred. It was really nice and thoughtful.
At the same time, it all still felt like a dream.
As a treat to the highschoolers who’d ‘adopted’ him into their friend group even if it was just at live venues, Jay introduced them to the band. They were thrilled and it made him happy to see them reacting in probably the same way he’d reacted when he met The Kareninas for the first time himself. Everyone had ramen together and then, as usual, Jake and Sunghoon asked him to stay.
That night, for the first time, Sunghoon joined in.
“Got room for one more person?”
He and Jake were only getting started, having just removed their clothes, and Sunghoon’s arrival startled Jay because he didn’t hear the door open or close.
“It’s ok,” Jake whispered soothingly, pressing kisses from his cheek down to his jaw, nipping and licking as he went. “It’s just Hoon.”
Jay turned a little behind him as Sunghoon walked further into the room, just an outline at first since their only source of light was a night light plugged into an outlet on the far wall near the door. There was something about the way he moved that felt a little predatory and it made Jay a little afraid. A little excited. Both. His breaths sped up as he sat up at the same time Jake did.
“How do you like it, Jay? I already know what Jake likes.”
Jay swallowed, looking from Jake who was sitting in front of him and then Sunghoon who was standing on the edge of the bed, waiting. He licked his lips. From what he already knew, between the two of them, it was Sunghoon who did the fucking. Jay was fine with both so…
“I fuck him and you fuck me.”
“Perfect,” Jake crooned approvingly, reaching up to cradle Jay’s face. He turned it forward to face him and, in the dimness, Jay could see his smile because his teeth had a sinister glint to them and, for some reason, they even seemed sharper than usual. Or was that just what little light there was playing tricks on his eyes? “We’ll make you feel so good, baby.”
Jay shivered, leaning in and meeting Jake’s lips, the kissing torrid and hungry. He felt the bed dip beside him, Sunghoon climbing in to join them, and he groaned when he felt the bassist press himself on his back before a pair of lips touched his shoulder, kissing at first and then biting, licking. Tasting.
He pulled back from Jake with a gasp, tilting his head to the side, giving Sunghoon more skin to work with as he reached the side of his neck. When he opened his eyes briefly, he saw Jake and Sunghoon kiss a bit from over his shoulder. So hot. And then Sunghoon was back to whatever he was doing to Jay while Jake turned his attention back to him with an all too familiar smirk.
“Would you let him eat you out, Jay? I want to watch Sunghoon do that to you.”
Shit.
He nodded his head. He wanted it, wanted anything they wanted to do, wanted him to do, wanted to give him. Pulling away, Jake and Sunghoon both guided him on his back. Jake disappeared for a bit and when he came back, he had some dental dams and edible lube. When he opened it, the sweet scent overwhelmed Jay: it smelled like donuts or milk. He couldn’t figure it out—vanilla?
“Legs spread,” Sunghoon told him, his voice even, his gaze intense as usual like he was trying to set Jay on fire with his eyes alone. When he hesitated, Sunghoon chuckled and then stroked part of his inner thigh with his fingers, gentle and sensual. It was like getting lit with a match. “Don’t be shy. Let me do this for you.”
Jay felt lust coil at his lower abdomen, curling into this very tight ball of want, of need. He spread his legs, not taking his eyes away from Sunghoon who waited. He was very patient about it. All the while, Jake hovered beside where Jay was, shifting once in a while, excited. Eager.
“Come on guys,” he encouraged, grinning. It made Sunghoon laugh a bit and, though he was nervous, Jay chuckled. “I’m getting old. Let me have my show.”
Again, Sunghoon started moving in a very deliberate way, like a predator, and Jay’s heart rate doubled, pulse thrumming fast and even more so as Sunghoon moved to the foot of the bed to kneel on the floor, yanking at his ankles as he went. Not long after, with him lubed up and the dental dam in place, legs spread, the bassist dived right in, not even slow about it and starting a ravenous pace, making Jay moan and arch his body.
“Stay still baby,” Jake murmured, his breaths loud and hard and fast as he placed a palm over Jay’s abdomen. “You’re going to hurt your back. Just relax.”
And he was trying. Jay was trying so hard to relax but it felt really good. No one had done this for him in a very long time. Closing his eyes and pressing the back of his head against a pillow, he felt fingers caress the side of his face, his cheek. Jay leaned against it. Opened his eyes again, moaning as Sunghoon continued slobbering over his hole, dirty and obscene.
“Feels good?”
Jake was watching his face and there was something starving in it like he wanted to eat him. It turned Jay on even more as he nodded, distracted, eyes closing again as he moaned even louder because Sunghoon was now fucking him with his tongue, fucking him so good.
“Sunghoon.”
Sunghoon groaned when Jay called his name, the sound vibrating against his skin, and Jay nearly trashed when he felt Jake take his cock in his mouth so that they were both working on him. Fuck, he wasn’t going to last a this rate—it was so overwhelming, so good, but the agreement had been for Sunghoon to fuck him and for Jay to fuck Jake.
“Jake,” he begged as Jake sucked extra hard, one hand grasping the back of his head, fingers tight around strands of his honey blonde hair. “Sunghoon, Jake… please.”
They slowed down but it took a while for them to stop. When they finally did, Jay watched them make out, so much tongue and teeth and biting, grinning at each other before turning their attention to him where he’d reached out for his own cock to stroke it at the sight.
“On your knees,” Jake murmured, leaning down to press a kiss in the middle of Jay’s stomach and then his chest. “Sunghoon likes doggy.”
Jay did as he was told, turning in bed. His legs were shaking with anticipation, in excitement, as he got into position on his knees, bracing his arms on the bed, shivering when he felt Sunghoon kneel behind him. His hands found Jay’s waist, caressing down his hips and then his lower back before finding his ass cheeks and squeezing, kneading, only to spread them apart.
“How do you want it?”
“Hard,” Jay muttered against his arm, shuddering as he felt the head of Sunghoon’s cock prod his entrance. “Fast. Just give it to me.”
“Exciting,” Jake laughed beside him, stroking Jay’s hair. Running his fingers down the back of his neck, his shoulder blades. “Make him scream, Hoon. I wanna hear it.”
“I will,” Sunghoon said with a chuckle before he pushed himself in, making Jay groan and close his eyes. It was a little painful—he hadn’t bottomed in so long—but there was something satisfying about the burn, the ache. About being filled. When he tried to push his ass back though, just so he could take Sunghoon in a little faster, the bassist clicked his tongue and gripped his waist tightly. “Slowly. I’ll fuck you up once I’m inside you but give it a moment.”
Jay turned his head and pressed his cheek on the bedspread, facing Jake’s direction. Jake’s attention was where Sunghoon was easing himself inside Jay, his hand on his own cock, jerking himself off. When he glanced back at Jay, their eyes met and he smirked.
“We haven’t even started yet and you already look so fucked out.”
“Because ‘s good,” Jay whispered, out of breath, biting his lower lip and groaning as Sunghoon finally bottomed out. Shit, fuck. He reached down for his own cock and gave it a few desperate tugs. “Please move. God, just start fucking me.”
Both Sunghoon and Jake chuckled at his words just before the former started moving, snapping his hips forward. It punched the breath out of Jay’s lungs but Sunghoon just went going from there, doing it in the way Jay said he liked, hard and fast, a consistent pace that made his head spin, his toes curl, thanks to how punishing it was.
“Fuck,” Jay moaned, pushing himself up a bit, arms still braced on the bedspread, panting. It felt amazing. “Give me more. Just like that.”
“Anything you want, baby,” Sunghoon whispered, his voice rough though he wasn’t even breathless as he pulled Jay’s body against his every thrust. He went even harder and Jay keened, holding onto the covers beneath him tightly, fabric bunched around his fingers. “Like that? Tell me.”
“Yes,” Jay sobbed out, the word turning into a delighted moan when he felt Sunghoon press himself hard against him, rolling his hips, the head of his cock finding his prostate and rubbing on it deliciously. “Yeah, right there. Fuck, right there.”
“You sound so good,” Jake gasped out, sounding even more excited than earlier. Jay groaned as he felt Jake take a fistful of his hair and yank his head back. “You look even better getting fucked than doing the fucking.”
“Get under him,” Sunghoon said just then to an approving sound from Jake, a kind of satisfied humming sound. “Let’s make him feel good.”
Jay felt Jake slip right under his body, navigating around his position, until his arms were on either side of his head and they were face to face. Jake’s gaze traveled, one hand caressing Jay’s face, his cheek, thumb pressing against his lower lip, while Sunghoon continued to fuck him.
“Put it in me,” he requested just as Jay felt Sunghoon adjust them both, pushing on his lower back. “Your cock, put it in me. It’s going to be so good, baby—Hoon and me at the same time.”
Jay groaned. He was so dizzy. Couldn’t think. But he forced himself to, the three of them shifting about for the best position until he could push himself inside Jake’s tight heat and oh fuck, good god, fuck.
“Oh shit,” Jay panted, closing his eyes and throwing his head back a bit. He was so fucking high with pleasure it was insane. He breathed out a moan, a laugh, undulating—pushing his ass back for more of Sunghoon and then pushing himself further into Jake. “You both feel amazing.”
“Yeah?”
Sunghoon ran a palm down his spine, his touch searing, fingertips tracing every jut of bone as he whispered the question.
“We’ll make sure you’ll never want it any other way again.”
Jake just nodded underneath him, wrapping his arms around Jay’s neck, and then he and Sunghoon began to move together, pleasuring him in two ways. Jay dropped his head and keened in desperation, chin nearly pressed against his chest, as he grasped at the covers, whatever he could, getting so much. Receiving so much.
“Fuuuuuck,” he gasped, panting. His lungs were going to collapse, jesus. Jesus. “God, please. Please, fuck please.”
“Just want to make you feel good,” Jake whispered soothingly, pressing kisses on his cheek. “He’ll come in you and you can come in me. Let’s make a mess, Jay.”
Jay wasn’t even moving anymore. All the work, they were doing it for him, taking him higher and higher, to the zenith of his pleasure, tearing at every part of him as they went. It was too much—he couldn’t anymore, it was too good—and with a sharp gasp, Jay came, not sure what to do with his body and against who.
But Sunghoon and Jake took care of that part, too. They caged him in, Jake tightening his arms around him while Sunghoon leaned forward, pressed most of his weight against Jay’s back so that all he could feel was them. Nothing else. And Jay knew he was making the most pathetic sounds, moaning and whining but he didn’t care.
It was so good. So good. He wasn’t human at this point, just a body, and whatever it needed, that was all that mattered.
When he collapsed, chest heaving, Jake cradled him in his arms, smiling and whispering something he couldn’t understand. Vaguely, Jay felt Sunghoon pressing kisses up the line of his shoulder until he reached his nape, his mouth tender. And then, eventually, slowly, they pulled away: Sunghoon first and then Jake as they arranged him in bed, covering him with a blanket.
“You did so good,” Jake praised, pushing strands of sweaty hair away from his face. Jay smiled at the action; it was comforting especially after how intensely he’d orgasmed. “Mind if Sunghoon and I finish? We haven’t come.”
He shook his head.
“No, sorry I didn’t make you come.”
“It’s ok,” Sunghoon hurried to assure, appearing from behind Jake. He leaned forward, palm braced on the bed, and leaned in. Kissed Jay for the first time right on the lips, firm and purposeful. “You’re the priority.”
Jay couldn’t help but smile. That sounded kind of sweet, again so thoughtful. He reached a hand up and ran his fingers up from the side of Sunghoon’s neck to his jaw. His cheek. Sunghoon smiled at him and, for a change, his expression was soft.
They fucked beside him while standing by the bed, Jake bent over and grasping at Jay’s arm. Since they were both already worked up, it didn’t take long: they came at the same time, with Jake looking at him, his face twisted in that crazy, gleeful pleasure only sex could bring. After, Sunghoon and Jake bracketed him from either side and they fell asleep like that, with Jay in the middle.
It became their thing and from then on, Sunghoon always joined. It never was just Jake and him but the three of them and it felt better.
It felt right.
Soon, Jay found himself touring with The Kareninas.
He attended their lives even outside Shimokitazawa if he could, when school allowed it, alternating spots: he wanted it to be fair so he stood across Jake’s side of the stage or Sunghoon’s in turns. He always had a great time even if the songs were repetitive—he loved them all—but even better?
Jake and Sunghoon always found time to flirt with him while they were onstage.
It started with static, only to devolve into something deceptively slow and sensual to Narihira’s wordless singing, and then Sunghoon’s bass would kick in. If Jay was close enough, Sunghoon often walked up to the edge of the stage and looked straight at him as he played part of the intro, smirking, one of his fangs peeking through. And then the rest of the instruments would join, turning up the fun, and everyone would start dancing wildly.
But no one danced as crazily as Jake.
Though he didn’t kiss the rest of his band mates with the exception of Sunghoon, Jake did the best fan service: he walked up to his members and always initiated, playful all the while, often gyrating against them or else pressing his back against their side, guitar in his arms, sliding downward, looking provocative for the crowd.
For Jay.
Every time he was being sexier than usual, his gaze wasn’t for anyone else but Jay and he loved it, the attention, especially since Sunghoon did his own version, more lowkey fan service, intense eyes burning Jay from the inside out. The lives were like foreplay; the sexual tension increased as the performance went on and, by the time Jay arrived at Sunghoon and Jake’s place, all of them were raring to go.
“Make me cry,” Jake begged one night, yanking both him and Sunghoon by the collars of their shirts into his bedroom. He looked drunk—the crowd had been extra crazy tonight—gaze flitting from Jay to Sunghoon then back. “Take turns fucking me.”
And during another:
“Both of you,” Sunghoon told them, his voice indicating it wasn’t a request as he slowly took his clothes off. “On the bed beside each other. On your arms and knees.”
Other times, Jake would just watch. He liked watching Jay getting fucked—said he made the best expressions—and often just made himself come at the same time they did. There was a lot of sex involved in their... three-way relationship but, surprisingly, that wasn’t all. Jay had expected it to be but Sunghoon and Jake continued to talk to him. To listen. That part didn’t change even though there was more fucking involved among them. They remained thoughtful, sweet.
They took care of him a lot.
Which was why when Jay visited one random day, long after touring was done for The Kareninas, when they saw his face and the way he was limping, in a manner similar to when he’d first met them, Jake and Sunghoon finally sat him down.
They were very serious. Eerily so. It was a little frightening.
Jay should have known.
“Who is it?”
That was the only thing Jake asked, his lips set in a tight line. On his other side, Sunghoon had his arms crossed, his expression unreadable. They waited as Jay struggled to answer, licking his lips only to wince at the brand new wound he had on a corner of his mouth.
“Some of the seniors in my university. They… like doing this.”
“Have you reported it?”
Sunghoon was being scary and Jay couldn’t help but fold in on himself. There was something so threatening in how blank he was at the moment. He wasn’t even cold—all there was, nothing. His expression was empty and his tone even more so as he asked the question.
“I did.”
He watched Jake and Sunghoon glance at each other. That was all they exchanged. And then Jake sighed and stood up, disappearing into the hallway. When he came back, he had a first aid kit.
“Come here,” he said, turning soft and gentle. “Let’s get you patched up.”
Sunghoon stayed silent and moody for the rest of the evening and didn’t join him and Jake during sex, which was slow for a change. Kind of loving.
When he left for university the next day, Jay didn’t know it but Sunghoon followed him.