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Eddie thinks that somehow, somewhere deep down, he always knew it was Buck. Even when he was dating Marisol, or Buck had Taylor, hell, even for the half second that Shannon was back in their lives, Eddie has always worked best with Evan Buckley at his side.
It’s only been two weeks since the lightning strike, and Eddie feels a constant pull to be near Buck, to feel his heartbeat, to watch him inhale, to make sure that he’s okay with his own eyes. He was insistent on bringing Buck back to his place once he was released from the hospital, not wanting to let him out of his sight just yet. Buck, to his credit, doesn’t seem to mind at all. He quietly thanks Eddie for allowing him to stay over, as he limps through the door, as if Eddie would ever want him to leave.
He never quite felt at ease in Texas. The constant pressure of failing to live out the life his parents had planned out for him. The heat feels like it suffocates him, the sweat gets stuck in his collar, and the worry lines never seem to fade even when he’s just there to visit. Texas will always be an important part of him, the state that shaped him, the place that saw him have his first kiss, his first school yearbook photo, his first heartbreak, and everything in between. Texas is important, integral to the man that he is today, but it’s not home. It’s never been home. Home, Eddie thinks, grew up in Hershey, Pennsylvania. Home is 6’2 of sunshine and generosity and selflessness. Home is his partner in everything, work and honestly life. Home is sitting across from the room from him, dried tears on his cheek after getting dumped by Natalia just hours ago. Home has his tongue in teeth, bad leg tucked underneath him as he researches sugar-free recipes for their kid at half past midnight, concerned about Chris after he got two cavities filled at the dentist earlier in the day. Eddie is not sure how this moment is all that different from any of the millions they’ve shared before. But somehow it just is.
“Buck.” He says softly, before he even knows what the next words that are going to come from his mouth. Buck looks up, his eyes holding Eddie’s. His slightly confused expression quickly shifts to a soft blush that spreads across his cheeks. He ducks his head and Eddie must not be hiding his fondness very well, but the thing is, he doesn’t care. Eddie thinks he might want to dedicate his life to making sure that gentle tilt of the lips stays on Buck’s lips forever.
He’s not even sure what quite clicked, but one day sitting on the couch of the home that they had made for themselves. He looks across the room and sees the rest of his life.
“Yeah Eds?” He responds hesitantly and quietly. Buck looks hopeful but apprehensive, as though his heart knows what’s to come in this conversation, but his head won't allow him to want it, and that just won’t to.
“Buck, sweetheart. Let’s get married.” He responds confidently, not phrasing his proposal as a question, because it’s really not. He knows that if Buck were to deny him, he would accept his refusal with no hesitation, he loves his best friend too much to cross any lines drawn in the sand. Somehow though, he knows at the deepest part of him, in his very core that this, them, this is the only future he can allow himself to imagine. Eddie Diaz never claimed to know much for certain. He knows that the Earth is round, he sucks at monopoly,Christopher is the best kid in the world, and Evan Buckley is the love of his life. Just saying these words feel like a shift, a puzzle piece finally slotting into place, or a piece of his heart coming home.
He can tell by the hitch that catches in Buck’s breath at the sound of his words, that he feels the same. Eddie slowly crosses the distance between them, dropping to his knees so he can meet Buck on his spot on the ground. Eddie reaches a hand out, taking Buck’s face in hand, and pleading with Buck to meet his eyes. Buck looks dazed, eyes clouded as though he can't quite believe what’s happening.
“Eddie, is this real? Because I’ve been getting better but please tell me I’m not there, tell me this isn’t another dream. I don’t think I can handle that right now.” Buck’s voice is barely a whisper, but Eddie hears him, Eddie always hears him. Eddie’s heart breaks at the words, at the notion that Buck believes he can only have him in his dreams, as though that’s the only explanation his brain can possibly produce for Eddie confessing his undying love to him.
Eddie knows his next words are probably the most important he will ever utter. He knows that Buck grew up starved for affection, neglected by his parents, having such distance from Maddie for so long and feeling left behind by everyone else who claimed to love him. Eddie needs to convince him that he can stop looking for love, for acceptance, for warmth, for a home. Because they have already found all those things in each other, and Eddie has no intention of losing that, not for as long as he lives.
Eddie takes a deep breath to gather his thoughts, reaches his thumb out to swipe the lonely tear that drops from under Buck’s eyes. He lifts his other hand and gently sits it on the dip of Buck’s waist, gently tracing the pattern of the Lichtenberg scar that still paints Buck’s skin. The painful reminder of the worst day of Eddie’s life renews his sense of urgency to have this conversation, and now. He’s almost lost Buck so many times. The truck bombing, the tsunami, the lawsuit, their list of shared traumas seems never ending. Eddie refuses to let another day pass without acting on what has always existed between the two of them. By the way that Buck shudders at his touch, he knows that Buck feels the same.
“Buck. It’s always been me and you, yeah? Me, you and Chris?” He strokes his cheek again, allowing his own slow tears to flow freely while wiping Buck’s away.
“You know that much is true, that I am real, that kid down the hall, he’s real. And we both love you so much. You have always been there for me, for both of us really, saved my life more times than I can count, supported me in every way. You cleaned my house when I was in a cast, and broke down my door when I took a bat to my room. Hell, you saved our kid from a fucking natural disaster. You have taken such good care of us baby. You’ve done such a good job.”
A sob gets caught in Buck’s throat, and Eddie pulls him even closer, nearly seating them in each other's laps.
“That’s what we do, isn’t it Evan? We take care of each other right?” Eddie pauses for unneeded confirmation, but Buck is already nodding, bobbing his head quickly in response to Eddie’s rhetorical question.
“Yeah.” Buck whispers out.
“Yeah baby, we take care of each other, and to the best of my ability, I want to take care of you for the rest of my life. You and Chris are the most important people in my life, and I’d do anything for you. I’ll spend everyday trying to make you happy, because that's what you deserve sweetheart. I love you. I’m in love with you, and I know you feel the same. You show it everyday in your actions, and I can only hope to show you how deep my love runs for you. I’m sorry I took so long to catch up sweetheart but I’m there now. I know you’ve spent so long looking for a soft place to land. Searching for where you fit in, somewhere you can be seen and known on every level and loved anyways. But baby, you can stop looking. I know nearly everything about you, and I know that I need you by my side, forever. If you want it, you can have everything you’ve been searching for. If you want it, want us.”
When Eddie finishes, there’s a long moment of pause. They hold each other's gaze, Eddie trying to convey his affection with his eyes to match his words.
Suddenly, Buck is closing the gap between them, sitting himself right on Eddie’s lap, throwing his hands behind his neck and catching him off guard with a lengthy, gentle kiss. Eddie doesn’t flinch, gathers himself after the best kiss of his life, and just takes his partner’s weight and adjusts his hold, stretching Buck’s bad leg out behind him.
“ I can’t believe this is real, Eddie. This is all I’ve ever wanted. Of course I’ll marry you” Buck breathes out with such sincerity it makes Eddie’s heart clench.
“ I’m so sorry it took me so long to catch up with the program, but I’m here now, and I’m not going anywhere. This is home, baby. You, me and Chris are home.”
Home feels like the garden of daylilies they plant in the backyard in the spring because Buck insists the house needs to appear more welcoming to the bees who like to pollinate during their visits. Home smells like the extra sunscreen Eddie rubs in for his husband before one of their day trips to the beach for exposure therapy. Home tastes like caramel apples kisses shared in the fall after hayrides that Chris insists he’s too old for pumpkin picking. Home sounds like the giggles of Jee and Eddie’s favorite Buckley (soon to be Diaz) as they drop ornament after ornament while attempting to hang them on the christmas tree.
He doesn’t have to keep looking, home is the little family he has managed to build for himself here.