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He doesn’t know how he gets so stressed out, to where he’s shaking as he stands in Mark’s bathroom, washing tear tracks from his face. Or, well, he does, but he refuses to do anything about it. It’d been a good month and a half since he’d been little, mind descending into the realm of cotton candy clouds in his mind, where he can just relax. But he’s not looking to go there again, not now, not really ever. There’s too much to do, he has to be a grown up, not some weird…baby adult. He for sure can’t be little, right here right now as Mark waits for him in the living room to continue their filming with Tyler. The same man knocking on the door currently.
“Eth? Bud, you alright, it’s been awhile….”
“Yeah I-” Ethan clears his throat. “I’m okay, I’ll…I’ll be out in just a sec!” He takes a deep breath, sighing softly. He dries off his face, unlocking the door and stepping out. “Uhm,” he starts, seeing Mark still there. “Sorry…just…got a bit anxious?”
Mark frowns, shrugging. “It’s okay, really. Do you wanna pause filming for today and just relax? I know Tyler wouldn’t mind, he’ll understand. You can talk to me, yeah?”
Ethan gives pause, before shaking his head. “No, no I’m okay. C’mon, really,” he plasters on a smile, running a hand through his white hair and walking past Mark, back into the room. “Remind me why we’re redoing an egg drop?”
Tyler smirks. “We like torturing you,” he jokes. Ethan rolls his eyes playfully, sitting back down in his spot, the massive amount of supplies sprawled across the table.
Mark turns the camera back on before coming to sit, explaining to the camera what they’re doing. “Hopefully this time some of us remember to make the proper thing. Right Ethan?”
Ethan pouts dramatically. “Ha ha,” he deadpans. The video really starts, them making their egg drop objects, with Ethan having two as he’s supposed to this time. The banter is fine, and Ethan laughs and jokes, but does start to get overwhelmed with the device making, huffing as stuff keeps popping off or just generally not working. Come on, he doesn’t need this! He just needs something to work, why won’t it work. He gets lost in it, not realizing how worked up he’s getting until his head is down close to his work, sniffling from being a bit overwhelmed. He tries to breathe, take a breath, but at that point he hears the beeping of the timer, knowing that time’s up, and both of his items are awful. Again. Tyler and Mark both say something, but Ethan doesn’t hear, starting to shut down, which is not good, and only makes him panic inside even more. He gets stuck in his mind, not surfacing until there’s a hand on his shoulder, nudging him gently.
“Eth, hey, breathe.” His eyes snap to look at Mark, him and Tyler both shooting him worried looks. “What’s the matter?” he asks softly.
Ethan sniffles, shaking his head. “I’m, I’m fine just…I’m sorry.” He presses his palms to his eyes, and really why is he being so affected right now? It’s just a stupid egg drop, it’s silly to be upset over it. But there’s a part of him that doesn’t think that, that right now thinks this is the worst thing in the world, that he’s a stupid failure, and just wants to curl up and cry.
“No, don’t apologize,” Tyler murmurs. “Just tell us what’s up? You seem…more than stressed. You seem distraught, we want to help, that’s all.” They can’t help, he just needs to be little but he can’t tell them that!
“I’m fine,” he lies, though his voice is quiet, and even he wouldn’t believe himself. He blinks back tears.
Mark furrows his brow. “Ethan. Ethan please tell us what’s wrong, what do you need bub?” He pauses. “Ethan, you’re crying, what’s going on?”
Ethan whimpers softly, trying to cling to his adult headspace, but crying opens up the need to be little, throws salt in the wound. “No,” he whimpers out. He goes to get up, but Tyler holds him back, gentle but firm. “Lemme go,” he whines, pulling at Tyler’s grip.
“Ethan, you’re upset, let us help you,” he says. “What’s got you so upset, we just want to make you feel better.”
“S’nothing,” he grounds out, pulling more on Tyler’s hands, tears falling free.
“Crying isn’t nothing. This isn’t some time to be all stoic and pretend you’re fine. We’re your friends, we want you to be happy, but you’re not right now.” Mark kneels down to face him. “What’s going on, you’ve been on edge all day.”
Ethan presses his palms to his eyes, wiping away the tears. “Please,” he whimpers, the fight slowly going out of him. He can’t fight anymore, he’s teetering the line and fast losing, and just collapses into Tyler’s hold, sobbing. In that moment, the world melts in his arms, Ethan feels safe, though still upset, he calms ever so slightly. The two men let him cry, Mark murmuring soft assurances, Tyler’s hand gently rubbing his back. Once the tears subside, Ethan’s fists clenching Tyler’s shirt, he gives a soft smile to the youngest of the group. “
There we go,” he murmurs. “Did it feel good to let it out?” Ethan nods, not finding the words to speak, and rests his head against Tyler. “Mark, do you…do you care to get him a glass of water? After crying he should rehydrate.”
“Sure thing,” Mark murmurs, ruffling Ethan’s hair gently before leaving.
“Ethan?” Tyler prompts softly, getting red rimmed eyes looking back at him. “You wanna tell me what’s wrong? Why’d you get so upset? I’m not…I’m not invalidating your feelings, you can feel however, but…it’s not like you to be so upset like this.”
Ethan hides his face, shaking his head. “Just…overwhelmed. There's this part of me…that just screamed over everything being wrong. I’m sorry,” he whimpers out brokenly.
Tyler pulls his chin so he can see him again, wiping his eyes gently. “I get being overwhelmed, I’m sorry. Is there anything we can do to help, anything that helps you?”
By this point, Mark returns, offering the glass to Ethan. He drinks from it, dribbling a bit down his chin accidentally. Mark, trying to diffuse the stress, chuckles lightly. “Need a sippy cup, bub?”
This breaks Ethan again, though he doesn’t know why, resulting into another bout of sobs into Tyler’s shirt. Tyler glares at Mark, decidedly pulling Ethan more into his lap to rock him. “Why are we so upset now? Mark didn’t mean that….”
“I’m sorry Eth, I really didn’t.”
Ethan whimpers, shaking his head. “No, no you’re right I’m just a baby! I’m pathetic and no good and wo-worthless,” he cries out.
Mark’s eyes widen. “Ethan, no that’s not what I said or meant, I’m so sorry,” he murmurs.
“It’s true, I’m pathetic, you’re not wrong about sippy cups I do use them ‘cause I’m just dumb and and a baby,” he whimpers.
Tyler lets out a low warning tone. “Ethan. You won’t talk down to yourself like that,” he scolds. “It doesn’t matter if you use them or not, that’s not the point, and that doesn’t make you a baby or dumb. Take a deep breath for me,” he prompts, breathing with him. Once Ethan calms down, Tyler looks at him with a soft expression. “It doesn’t matter if you use sippy cups, it wouldn’t matter if you full on acted like a toddler, because you’re our friend, and we’ll care about you regardless. Now why are you so overwhelmed, and how can we help?”
Ethan whines, not wanting to talk, just over-tired at this point. Mark frowns. “You can tell us anything, we just want to help, Ethan. No matter what it is.”
“Uhm, I’m….” Ethan hides his face again in his hands, sighing. “When…when I get overwhelmed, sometimes my brain gets all fuzzy…and I like the more childish things.”
“Like what?” Tyler prompts, patient and kind.
Ethan blushes. “Like…stuffed animals an coloring…’n sucking my thumb….”
“Oh,” Mark says softly. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Ethan.”
Tyler nods. “I think I’ve heard of it, actually…are you a little?” Ethan squeaks out in surprise, hiding his face once again. “It’s okay if you are. I’ve…actually read up on that stuff, I could help you?”
“I can help too,” Mark encourages. “I’m not well versed on it but, I’ll catch on with what to do.”
Ethan furrows his brow. “Don’t…don’t you guys think I’m weird? Don’t you hate me?”
“No, absolutely not,” Tyler says, slightly shocked. “Ethan there’s nothing wrong with this, as long as it makes you happy and helps you.”
“Yeah, we’ll never hate you,” Mark promises. “Tell us what you need, anything. I think I might have a couple plushies around from like cons and stuff…and I don’t have coloring books but I have paper. Heck, I can make a trip out if I need!”
Ethan bites his lip, thumb making it’s way towards his mouth. “Hey little man,” Tyler says softly, catching Ethan’s thumb before it can. “That’s not real sanitary…have you considered a pacifier?” Ethan blushes, looking down and shrugging. “Mark if you do make a trip that might be something to get….” He sighs softly, thinking. “In the meanwhile, why don’t we get you a snack, and then you can draw or we can watch a movie? Even a nap if you need.”
Ethan’s eyes widen. That sounds…exceptionally good. “‘Kay…,” he murmurs.
“I have goldfish crackers,” Mark offers. “And I’ll go out to the store- don’t give me that look, I’m going to, so it’s easiest to tell me what snacks and dinner you’d like.”
Ethan pouts, though he is grateful, just unsure, but still rattles off a few things, followed by, “But you really don’t have to.” Mark quickly grabs him a bowl of goldfish, refilling his glass and promising to return.
Tyler in the meantime looks to Ethan. “Movie or drawing?” he asks softly.
Ethan looks at him, feeling small in all senses of the word. “Movie?” he questions.
“Sure thing little guy,” he smiles, grabbing Ethan’s snack for him as well as the water, leading him into the living room. “Hop up on the couch for me,” he murmurs. Ethan does so, frowning. Tyler sits down by him, draping a blanket over the younger. “What do you wanna watch, hmm? Anything you want.”
Ethan hums at the softer tone Tyler’s using with him, enjoying it. “Disney?”
“You want a Disney movie? That’s fine, I know Mark’s got the subscription somewhe- aha. Here we go, which movie?” They settle on Moana, Ethan relaxing slowly, even resting his head against Tyler, dozing in and out. He’s only half awake when Mark busts back into the house, a fair few bags in hand.
“Alright, I come back baring gifts for a certain little guy,” he says enthusiastically.
Ethan rubs his eyes, yawning as he sits up and tilting his head. “You didn’t have to…” he whispers out.
“I wanted to,” Mark promises. “Though uh- I didn’t fully know what to get, so bare with me here.” He starts showing what he got, which was multiple snacks for Ethan, and dino nuggets and macaroni and cheese for dinner. He also picked up a few coloring books, two more kiddy ones and an adult one, as well as some colored pencils, and a dog plush. In his final bag he pulled out a two pack of sippy cups, and a two pack of pacifiers. “I wasn’t sure about the cups…and if you don’t like them just tell me.”
Ethan looks at the stuff, then leaps forward, hugging Mark. “T’ank you,” he mumbles, nuzzling Mark.
“You’re welcome,” Mark says softly. “You want me to wash these off real quick so you can have one?” he asks, referring to the pacifiers and getting a nod. “Yeah? Which one you want babyboy?” He points to the light green one, and soon it’s popped into his mouth, and he’s planted between his two friends, falling deep into space and feeling oh so secure and safe.