Chapter Text
Title: Reflash
Author: 
leviathans_moon
Artist:
itzcoatl
Pairings/characters: Arthur/Merlin, mentions of Arthur/Mithian, Gwaine/Elena and Gwen/Lancelot
Rating: NC-17
Word Count: 37k
Warnings: character death (not Merlin or Arthur); lots of swearing; mentions of fire incidents
Summary: The thing with putting out fires in schools was: they often led to biscuits and squiggly paintings of happy firemen. The fire in Albion primary school, however, leads Merlin to Arthur and his daughter Lynn; to more biscuits, but also pancakes; to fun and butterflies; and to a whole new world of letting someone in; ready or not.
Careful, don’t burn your fingers!
Author's Notes:This fic came to me because I read a very awesome firefighters fic in another fandom. Then, the lovely helped me with plotting and kindly pointed out fire trucks wherever we went (of course we saw like five or six that day, typical) to get me excited about writing this. It worked. So, first of all a big thank you to her, for making me do this and for bouncing ideas around with me. Another big thank you to my cheerleader, who kept me motivated with lots of Colin pics and pics of pouting pandas (lovely alliteration). She helped me a lot during the writing process. Another huge thank you to my lovely artist, . I was ecstatic when I found out you were doing art for this fic. I loved working with you and I love your pictures and everybody go to the arts page and comment on her art. Thank you to my beta, who again did brilliant work. Any mistakes left are completely my own. Thanks also goes out to my RL friends who’ve helped out a lot and suffered through my whinging. Same goes for all the lovely people in the paperlegends chat. It’s just been so much fun. Hugs to you all. Thanks to my flist as a whole for supporting me. Finally, a big thank you to for organizing this and being so helpful all the time. You’re doing a brilliant job. Thank you.
Artist's notes:see art post
Story link: Masterpost on LJ
On AO3
Art link: on LJ
Disclaimer:Merlin belongs to the BBC and Shine. This is just a fan playing around. No profit is being made from this.
Prologue
They were leaning against the pump, their helmets lying on the seats and their fire jackets open. Merlin’s LFB-shirt clung to him with sweat.
“I don’t get it. We’re doing something wrong.” It was very frustrating.
They were all watching a tall and admittedly good-looking firefighter flirting with one of the rescued women. She seemed to be very receptive to his advances; as indeed were all the women the guy had ever talked to at a scene. He was famous throughout the entire area, if not all of London, for taking women home straight from the job.
“I mean I’m the one who actually saved her. I brought her out of the building. Why is she talking to him? Why am I not the one asking her out?”
“You’re gay, Ems,” stated Morgana. “But apart from that, yes, why aren’t you the one asking her out?”
Gwaine laughed at them all as he threw his helmets on top of theirs. “Guys, I met Elena in a supermarket, not at work. Seriously, you need to expand a bit.”
Merlin pouted. “My dad met my mum because he saved her from a fire. It’s not too much to ask to have it that easy as well, in my opinion. Plus it’s romantic.”
“But then you can’t take Mr ‘I was February in the firefighters calendar 2012’ as an example,” replied Gwaine. “I doubt he’s looking for true love.”
“Who says Merlin is?” said Morgana teasingly.
“Who says I’m not?” He stuck his tongue out to her.
“Interesting.”
Merlin rolled his eyes. “Well, no true love today, let’s get out of here. Owain, come on!”
As they all climbed on to the pump, Gwaine clapped him on the shoulders. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll get a work-related fuck at some point. You’re not that bad-looking.”
“Thank you, Gwaine. Coming from you, that means a lot.” Merlin punched him in the arm, laughing.
“You’re welcome.”
Merlin threw one last look at Calendar man and laughed at himself for envying him.
“You can do so much better than that, Ems,” whispered Morgana and as he often did Merlin simply accepted her opinion as the truth and fist-bumped her as he settled into his seat.
~oOo~
Arthur tripped in his haste and nearly fell into the classroom. He looked around. All clear, windows closed. He breathed out and turned around. The alarm was ringing in his ears, louder than it had ever done so during the fake fire alarm practices. He ran into the next room, all was clear and the windows closed. All the teachers seemed to have been able to follow the guidelines. There was one more room for him to check before the main entrance came up on his right and then he too would have to leave the building. Again, everything was as it should be. He tried to calm down, taking deep breaths, before turning and walking out into the courtyard where at the far end all students and teachers had assembled.
As soon as he stepped outside, he heard the sirens of the fire trucks in the distance. About bloody time.
Percy split away from the large quivering group and walked towards Arthur, clipboard in hand.
“All accounted for, sir. Only little Tommy from 2b has a small wound on his knee, no other injuries as far as we can tell,” said Percy, looking at Arthur tentatively.
Arthur nodded shakily, looking back at his school. There was smoke slowly rising from the back of the building. Thankfully, the fire had broken out there, with only the gym possibly holding pupils. The rest of the classrooms were in the front of the building.
Lucky, thought Arthur.
A fire engine came flying around the corner with its sirens blaring, though they were turned off as soon as the vehicle screeched to a halt. Immediately, six men jumped off the truck. Five began to work on the engine, unravelling the hose or preparing the hydrant that was just outside the school grounds. A second truck parked right beside the first one, followed by two ambulances. Arthur looked over to the children. After the initial shock, most of them were now excitedly pointing towards the red trucks. Arthur sighed heavily, closing his eyes for a moment. He turned to see a man walking towards him and Percy in long strides. The firefighter pushed his visor up, revealing some of the most remarkable cheekbones Arthur had ever seen. A few strands of black hair peeked out from under the helmet, tickling the pale skin. Arthur nearly forgot his frustration and anger.
“Is there a back entrance as well and are there people still in there?” asked the firefighter. Percy’s eyes quickly darted to Arthur who seemed to be somewhere between anger, incredulity and surprise. Percy reacted quickly.
“There’s a back entrance directly leading into the gym. The fire is just off it. All pupils and staff are outside.”
The firefighter nodded. He turned and yelled: “Will, Lance, Julius, Edwin, in. Morgana, Gwaine, Helen, out, B-C.”
“Oi, 52. I’ll send mine in from B-side,” yelled a firefighter from a third truck, that Arthur hadn’t noticed arriving.
“Roger. Charge the hose, Owain.”
Will and Lance had already disappeared into the building carrying the still empty hose behind them. The hose filled quickly after the order. They were followed by two firefighters from the other team, carrying fire extinguishers, while two firefighters, probably Morgana and Gwaine ran around the outside of the building to the back. 52, as he now was in Arthur’s head, pressed a button on his jacket and the static sound of an open line disrupted the chatter of the children.
“Alpha-Echo, 52 here, two pumps responded, 52 and 56, sector G south-west, civilians OD, all companies working, medics on scene, sufficient support.”
“Roger, 52. Waiting for further instructions.”
52 released the button, looked back towards the few men who’d remained behind at the trucks and receiving a thumbs up he raced past Arthur and Percy.
For a while, they didn’t see or hear much. The children were starting to get restless. Arthur cast a look over the crowd, making sure everything was all right. The paramedics tried to sort through the children, taking any injured ones to the side. So far they still only had little Tommy who had a bloody knee, probably from tripping over his own feet during break time as he so often did. Nevertheless , Arthur kept checking and rechecking, looking here and there. At some point, Percy placed a hand on his shoulder to stop him fidgeting. Arthur sighed and then looked thankfully at Percy. He knew he was making some of the children nervous and had to try to compose himself. He set his suit right, looking up towards where the smoke had risen from a few minutes earlier. It was barely discernible now.
“So, we’re going to need a new gym,” said Percy, sounding as if this was a dinner party he was making small talk at.
“We’ll have to see how bad the damage is,” replied Arthur, feeling the switch to professional happening. “We can ask the high school whether we could arrange a schedule for their gym. Take the kids across. And then try to squeeze some money out of the council. Fun times.” He rubbed his face at the tiring thought of hundreds of forms and applications and explanations. Sometimes he hated being the headmaster.
“They’ve got the insurance.”
Arthur nodded. “But that doesn’t stop them from cutting our funds and finding it a brilliant idea to send primary school kids across a busy street to a different school for their gym classes. By the end of this, we’ll have no gym and the council will be absolutely fine with it.”
“Until a child gets run over by a car, of course,” said Gwen from behind him, arms crossed.
“Of course,” agreed Arthur grimly.
“Looks like they’ve put it out.” She nodded in the general direction of where the fire was. The sky was now clear of dark, stinking clouds. “We’ve called about a third of the parents to come pick up their children,” Gwen waved her mobile phone. “Most of the children don’t know their phone numbers, though. We need computer access for those.”
Arthur smiled at Gwen gratefully. “Are they alright?”
“Yeah, they all think it’s really exciting,” said Gwen.
Percy tapped Arthur on the shoulder and pointed towards the left of the school building. 52 was coming back. He took off his helmet as he walked towards them and shoved it under his left arm. His hair clung to his head and his face shimmered with sweat.
“Fire is out. My men are checking for a reflash, but we don’t think it’s going to hap-“
“Reflash?” asked Arthur worried.
52’s eyes shot up to meet his. “Um, that’s when it looks like the fire is out, but a small flame remains or glowing material rekindles to a bigger flame. It’s standard procedure, if that’s what you’re wondering,” said 52 slowly and reassuringly.
“Yeah, no, okay, thanks,” said Arthur, shifting slightly in an attempt to hide his discomfort, but he knew by the pitiful look that Percy threw him that he hadn’t succeeded.
52 furrowed his brow in confusion for a second before becoming professional once more. “Anyway, the fire investigators will have a proper look at the damage and what might have caused it, but from what I can tell, you should have your electrical outlets checked. It looks like the sockets in the boys changing room short-circuited and since they’re right underneath wooden benches, big mistake by the way, it was basically a given that a full fire would develop. The boys’ changing room is unusable and the girls’ room is damaged as well, but I think your gym itself is fine.” He messed up his hair with his right hand before grabbing his helmet and making to go towards his truck.
Arthur, however, held him back. “Well, maybe the fire wouldn’t have been so bad if you’d arrived here earlier. You took way too long to get here,” he said angrily. “What if our children had been trapped inside that room?”
Gwen subtly put a hand on Arthur’s arm. 52’s eyes darted from her over to the children and back to Arthur. “With all due respect sir,” sounding a lot as if he didn’t think of Arthur as a ‘sir’. ”In a situation of panic and fear, the feeling of time is always distorted. I can assure you we arrived within five minutes, which is the standard dispatch time for the first pump on scene. Everything went according to protocol.” His eyes were dark. He was challenging Arthur, as he’d done so many times before with prats who believed they knew better how firefighting was done.
Gwen stepped in before Arthur could say anything else. “Thank you so much, Mr….”
“Emrys, Merlin Emrys.” He shook her hand and managed to smile at her as well as scowl at Arthur at the same time.
“Thank you, Mr Emrys. Which one is your station? I’m sure the kids would love to make you a little thank you gift.”
This time Merlin’s smile became a shining beacon that reached his eyes. “It’s Woodford fire station -the two trucks up here. The one truck round the back from 56 is from Ilford station. So yeah, anyway, thanks, anything made by the kids is bound to cheer up everybody at the station. We’ll look forward to it.” He waved at the children for good measure and received a multitude of waving hands in return.
“Right, the paramedics will take care of any injured persons, or well the one.” Merlin looked around at little Tommy, who was being patched up with a blue Band-Aid. “Oh, did he fall?” said Merlin in a worried tone. Gwen smiled at Merlin, who coughed and focused on the main issue again. “Um, was there anything else?” he asked, turning serious again.
“No,” answered Gwen, her hand still resting on Arthur’s arm who just seemed to stare at Merlin in suppressed anger, not affected at all by Merlin’s outbreak of worry about the children. “Are we allowed to enter the main building? It’s just; we have to phone all the parents so they can pick their children up.”
“As long as you stay away from the gym until the investigators have given the all clear, it will be fine.”
Gwen thanked him again and indicated to Percy that he should come with her. Merlin was left with Arthur, who still looked just as sour as he had two minutes ago. Merlin looked at him for a few seconds, before his struggle not to speak up broke: “You know, you should be grateful that nothing worse happened, then thank your staff for having such a good reaction to a difficult situation, possibly give them a pay raise and stop blaming me for being on freaking time. We are doing the best we can, and frankly, this was a job well done in my books, which is what I’m going to tell dispatch.”
With that, he brushed past Arthur, looking determinedly ahead. Arthur just stood there, dumbfounded, for a minute or two before slowly turning and walking towards the children. His eyes swept across the numerous little heads until a hand shot up waving. He ruffled a few hairs on his way through the crowd and spoke a few words of compliment and encouragement to all of them, but all he really wanted was to get to that waving hand.
“Are you alright, love?” He crouched down, facing the little girl with soft brown hair and his eyes.
“Yes.” She held out her arms and twisted them slightly to show him that everything was in order. “Are you?”
Arthur smiled, relief taking over every other emotion. “Yes, I’m alright too.”
“Good,” replied his daughter earnestly.
He kissed her forehead. “I have to go do a few things. Can you stay with Miss Jones until I’m done?” Arthur looked up to see Sophia Jones nod at him in agreement. He mouthed a ‘thank you’ at her, before turning back to his daughter and giving her a reassuring smile.
The fire crew was packing up, rolling up the hose, and storing all extra equipment away again. Merlin – the station manager as Arthur assumed - was sitting in the driver’s cabin with one leg hanging out. He was still talking to someone on the intercom and looking down at a clipboard every now and then. His eyes lifted to find Arthur looking at him. Arthur held his gaze, but then Merlin was interrupted by one of the others and by the time he looked back up, Arthur had gone inside the school building.
~oOo~
The cap of the beer bottle skidded across the kitchen tiles and under the table. Arthur went to retrieve it, hitting his knee on one of the stools in the process.
“Jesus fuck,” he cursed. He’d been in a perpetual state of frustration all day long, for good reason, he thought. Now, Lynn was happily dreaming in her bed, hopefully about unicorns and rainbows and not about red hot flames coming at her; and he wanted to simply enjoy a nice cold beer and some mindless TV show before going to bed himself. He wished he could get properly drunk but that would make the following workday unbearable, so he resisted the urge. He’d just settled onto the couch when the phone rang, forcing him to get up again.
“Hello?”
“Hey, I just wanted to call to see if you’re alright.”
Arthur couldn’t decide whether he was glad or even more frustrated. In the end, he went with ‘fondly exasperated’. “I’m fine, Gwen.”
“And Lynn?”
Arthur shrugged. “She seems fine, but I won’t know for sure until she slept through the night without any nightmares.”
“Yeah, I guess. Well, if you need any help or anything-“
“Gwen.”
“Yes, I know. You just sometimes make it so easy to worry about you, Arthur. I can’t help – what’s that noise?”
“Porn,” said Arthur drily.
“Okaaay.”
“I think it’s Big Brother, but it looks like porn from here.”
“Please tell me, you just accidentally landed on Big Brother.”
“I just accidentally landed on Big Brother. Your phone call distracted me.”
Gwen laughed. "For a moment there, I was worried, Arthur.”
“I’m hanging up now. I want to enjoy my well-deserved beer.”
“Good night, Arthur. And like I said, if you need anything…”
“Thank you, Gwen. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He sat back down and watched Big Brother for five minutes, with increasing incredulity, and sipped his beer. However, he didn’t last long and left his unfinished beer to grow stale on the table overnight.
He woke up twice during the night; the images of red hot flames dancing before his eyes.
~oOo~
Merlin woke up to the shrill alarm of his Doctor Who clock. In his state of half-sleep he mistook it for the siren and tried to scramble out of bed, ending up on the floor in a tangled mess of long limbs, sheets and a happy dog climbing all over him, trying to lick his face.
“Kilgharrah, stop, get off.” Merlin tried to wrestle him off, unsuccessfully. “Assis,” he mumbled into the now slightly wet sheets and Kilgharrah got off him, sitting calmly by his side except for the wildly wagging tail.
Merlin sighed. He would never understand why Kilgharrah reacted to French orders only. It didn’t make sense. “You’re a German shepherd, living in Britain. Why French?” Merlin straightened himself up, rubbing the happy dog behind his ears. Kilgharrah barked once and headed towards his food bowl, sitting down in front of it.
“Forget it. I’m having a shower first.”
Twenty minutes later, Merlin munched on cereal while Kilgharrah slobbered away on his special food selection, making a huge mess on the floor.
The front door opened and an exhausted looking Will came in. He dumped his backpack on the couch and sat opposite Merlin, taking away his bowl of cereal.
Merlin didn’t protest, but got a banana out of the fridge. “You look like shit.”
“God, we had two fucked-up accidents and one fire. Not one quiet moment. I need sleep,” moaned Will, stretching himself. “Why are you up? It’s your day off, and it’s 8 in the fucking morning.”
“I’ve been invited to the school assembly thing in that primary school we were sent to last week, remember?”
Will nodded around a mouthful. “I ‘ope dey baked biscuits or sumfing.” Will swallowed. “And don’t eat them all on your own. We did most of the work, you lazy bastard.”
Merlin looked comically affronted. “I was in charge.”
“Lucky bastard then.”
Merlin kicked him under the table. “You’re just jealous.”
“Hell yeah,” said Will loudly, spraying chunks of cereal all over the table. Merlin raised his hands away from the table to save his fruit from being contaminated.
“Sorry.” Will wiped the table down with the sleeve of his dirty hoodie, making Merlin laugh.
“I don’t think you’re making it any better.” Merlin got up and threw the peel in the rubbish bin. “I’ll do that later, you sleep.” He disappeared into the bathroom right next to the kitchen to brush his teeth.
“Are you taking Killy with you?” yelled Will. Kilgharrah growled at him. “Yes, alright, sorry. Not calling you Killy again. Aggressive dog.” He received another growl.
“Yeah, it’s a bunch of small school children, they’re going to love him and then maybe that weird guy won’t be on my back again,” said Merlin, leaning against the doorframe, the toothbrush dangling from his mouth.
Will snorted, spraying some more cereal. “That’s what you get for being in charge.”
Merlin disappeared for a second, rinsing out his mouth, before appearing in the kitchen and putting on a black well-cut leather jacket over his white LFB shirt. “But why do I always get the paranoid idiots or the ones who think they can do the job better?”
“You’re cute, you attract them,” replied Will with a wide grin.
“Thanks. Kilgharrah come on. I’ll see you before your night watch.”
Will raised a dripping spoon in acknowledgement and poured some more cereal into his bowl.
Once outside, Merlin turned left, away from his fire station and towards the school. He only needed about 15 minutes to walk to the school, walking at a swift pace as usual. There had always been something hurried about him. ‘It comes with the job’, was what his mother had told him when he’d just started. His father was the same. Always running about, doing things, never quieting down and never just lazing around. Merlin had picked that up from him. Just sometimes, Kilgharrah slowed him down.
“Come on, you’ve been sniffing that bush for five years now. I’m pretty sure it’s still the same bush as any other day.” Kilgharrah ignored him and continued sniffing. “Come! Heel! Sit!” Merlin stared in defeat. “Anything?...You know I am not giving up until you die! One day you are going to react to English commands! Ici!” Merlin shook his head as Kilgharrah immediately trotted to his side. “Bloody hell!”
By the time, Merlin reached the school Arthur was already impatiently waiting for him.
It had been Gwen’s idea to invite the firefighters over to their school. She said the kids all wanted to thank them and a lot of them had already drawn a picture or prepared something they wanted to say. Even his own daughter had come to show him a recipe for orange cupcakes that she wanted to make, so Arthur had reluctantly made the call to the station, asking whoever picked up whether there’d be the possibility of at least one of them coming down to the school. He had received a very enthusiastic answer and was sure then that he had that Merlin person on the other end. Arthur groaned on the inside.
“Is Friday okay? It’s my first day off.”
“Yes, Friday works well. We have an assembly every morning at 8:30, so if you could make it for that.”
“Yes, that’s fine. 8:30.” Arthur could hear a pen scratching across paper. “See you on Friday then.”
Kilgharrah leisurely jogged towards Arthur, sniffed at his trouser legs, barked once and then turned to look at Merlin.
“Looks like he wants to tell me something. Are you hiding anything harmful that I should know about?” said Merlin jokingly, but it irritated Arthur.
“The children are already inside waiting for you,” he said curtly, and lead the way.
Lost cause, was all Merlin could think.
The children oohed and aahed at Kilgharrah and waved at Merlin, recognizing him. Merlin and Kilgharrah both basked in the attention they received, not to mention the different biscuits, cupcakes and drawings.
The children asked him millions of questions and he tried to answer as violence-free as he could, shooting a look at the teachers occasionally to make sure he wasn’t overstepping any boundaries. Every so often he noticed how uncomfortable Arthur looked over on the side with his hands hanging stiffly by his side as if he was ready to punch someone.
As the kids filed out to their first, well second, lesson of the day, still waving at him, Merlin interrupted Arthur before he could even say anything.
“I noticed you didn’t file a complaint against the station concerning the conduct of our mission.”
Arthur stopped in his tracks and frowned. “Do you always talk like that? Conduct of our mission?”
Merlin shrugged. “That’s actually the light version of my professional talk,” he said, grinning. “It sometimes gets the better of me. It’s fun though, yelling obscure orders and confirmations down the intercom,” he added as Arthur continued to frown. “Don’t you do that? ‘Child 456 rampaging in corridor 3. Cease your action now’.”
“Too complicated, it’s easier to just say: Justin, shut up.”
Merlin’s eyes crinkled up and he laughed quietly. “Nice. So, you can make a joke. I’m pleasantly surprised. I thought you were a stuck-up humourless git.”
Taken aback by the bluntness, Arthur coughed and unnecessarily straightened his suit. “Well, thank you for coming to-“
“Who talked you out of it?” asked Merlin. “Filing the complaint?”
Arthur hesitated and then grumpily admitted: “Gwen, you met her on the day.”
“I must thank her. It’s a lot of paperwork, ‘cause if someone complains about the fire department, who saves lives after all, people think we must have really fucked up, sorry, messed up,” Merlin corrected himself, looking around to see if any children’s ears were still in the vicinity. They were alone, though.
“Yes, I get it, I was out of line and you were just doing your job. I’m sorry.” Arthur shoved his hands in his trouser pockets, a gesture that didn’t go unnoticed by Merlin. He immediately seemed more approachable.
“It’s alright. I get it too, you know,” he said, trying to sound as understanding as he could. “An entire school with hundreds of little children, one of them your own, and it’s on fire? It’s a scary thing. It’s scary, even for us.”
“Is it?”
“Oh yes, you jump on to the pump and can’t help hoping all the children got out in time. Schools knock the breath out of you for a second.”
“Wha-“ This time Arthur interrupted himself and changed his mind, instead asking: “How did you know I have a child here?”
“I watched you. It was the only child you directly went to and talked to for more than just a few seconds. Plus, you kissed her on the forehead. Not really hard to figure out,” said Merlin, wondering what Arthur had been about to ask instead.
“Right.”
Merlin waited for more, but when it didn’t come, he stuck his hand out. “It was a pleasure and thanks for all the biscuits and cupcakes.” He raised the two full bags a bit. “The guys will love them. We haven’t tried baking for a while. The last three times, the sirens went off and well, once it landed on the floor, the other time the cake burnt in the oven and nearly set our station on fire and the third time, we forgot about the dough until it stank up our kitchen. And I’m going to stop talking now. See you.” He waved curtly and hopped off the small stage of the assembly hall.
Arthur watched him walk along the rows of tiny colourful chairs. At the end of the rows, Merlin hesitated and then turned around.
“You know, if you like we can do some fire education for the kids and teachers and first aid for the teachers. We do that all the time. Just some simple stuff that kids can follow and basic first aid, but it helps save lives in case something like this happens again.”
Before he knew what he was doing, Arthur agreed and said he’d call again when he’d talked to all the teachers.
Just like that, he would be seeing this Merlin Emrys again.
Percy was the first to speak up positively about the suggestion of doing some fire and first aid education. Within two days he had a whole week of activities around emergencies of any sort organised, presenting the outline and schedule to Arthur and, at the assembly after school, to all the teachers.
All Arthur had to do in the end was to sign off on it, suck up to the council for some extra money and call the various emergency departments, including the fire station.
“Woodford Station, London Fire Brigade. How can I help?”
“Um, hi, my name is Arthur Pendragon, I’m calling from Albion primary school. Am I-?
“Oh hey, mate, tell your kids the biscuits were awesome. They were gone within two days. White and Red didn’t even get any and we had a serious battle with Blue. They got a few in the end, but man they were really, really good. Can we have some more? Oi!”
There was a bit of a scramble on the other end of the line and judging by the sounds, someone was being choked.
“Hello, Merlin here. Please ignore Gwaine. One mention of food and he goes mental. He literally peed himself at the sight of all the biscuits.”
“I did not!” yelled Gwaine in the background.
“We got it on video! Makes for very good entertainment,” assured Merlin. “So, how can I be of service?”
“Well, I was wondering if you’d still be available for that education thing you mentioned.” As he said it, Arthur fidgeted with the edge of the paper in front of him, shooting glances at the door, willing it to stay closed. When his conscious realised what he was doing, he coughed and got up from the chair and walked to the window.
“Hey, yeah, definitely. When are we talking about?”
Arthur went back to his desk to look at the dates, which he knew by heart. “Preferably in the week from the 26th to the 30th.”
Merlin was quiet for a bit and Arthur could hear people playing ping-pong in the background. There was a loud cheer and Merlin yelling: “Lance, you better be winning,” before he focused his attention on Arthur again.
“Right, we could do the Monday and the Tuesday, but we’ve got the day watch on Wednesday and Thursday and the night watch on Friday, so the Friday really isn’t ideal either. But that’s the Green Watch. If you don’t want to see me again, I can give you Red for Thursday and Friday, Blue for Friday, and White for Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.”
“Okay, um well, I think, um, what?” Arthur had tried to write down what Merlin said, but somewhere in all those days and colours, he’d gotten lost.
Merlin laughed. “Red, Blue, White, Green, they’re our watch colours. I’m the green watch, but the station has to be manned at all times, obviously, so we have alternating shifts. Two day shifts, two night shifts, four days off.”
“Four?”
“Hey, it’s a tough job,” said Merlin indignantly. “Besides look who’s talking, you get six weeks in the summer.”
“It’s a tough job,” said Arthur and he found himself smiling. “Well, Monday and Tuesday are absolutely fine. Monday morning for the kids, Tuesday afternoon for the teachers?”
“Other way around please, Monday teachers, Tuesday kids. With day watch on Wednesday, I’d rather we have the afternoon off on Tuesday, or else my team is going to hate me.”
Arthur nodded and then remembered that Merlin couldn’t see him. “Right, that’s settled then.”
“Yeah, cool. Looking forward to it.”
Arthur chuckled. “You look forward to everything.”
“Not everything. And in case you hadn’t noticed: That’s a compliment.” There was an awkward pause. “Gotta go. Morgana is kicking Lance’s arse, I have to go distract her. I’ll talk to you later, Arthur.”
Merlin didn’t wait for a goodbye from Arthur’s side and Arthur didn’t quite know what to make of his farewell. He put the phone back onto the receiver and scribbled down the dates.
~oOo~
Merlin opened the door to the women’s changing room and peeked inside. Morgana was just putting on her bra and looked up at the breeze of cool air that Merlin had let in.
“Stalker!”
Merlin grinned as the door fell into the lock behind him. “You’ve lost weight,” he said, nodding at her visible ribs.
“Look who’s talking.”
Merlin waved her comment away. “I’ve always been this thin. You haven’t.”
“Thank you for worrying about me, but you’re the one who’s putting us through such rigorous training.”
“That was one exercise. One. And all you guys have done is complain about it instead of thanking me, seeing as it came in very handy today.”
Morgana leaned down to kiss his cheek, before she buttoned up her shirt.
“Just saying. Don’t tell me you didn’t apply what we practised in that training session.”
Morgana sighed, tossing one of her shiny strands of hair over her shoulder. “Merlin, when are you going to stop doubting yourself so much? We know you, you don’t have to prove yourself and you don’t need us to tell you that you did great today and that we indeed followed the protocol according to the training session from last week. Now stop being such a drama queen and invite me for a coffee.”
Merlin leaned back against the damp and cold wall. It was a relief after all the heat of the afternoon. “My dear Morgana, what do you think about going for a coffee?”
“Oh well, my dear Merlin, that is an excellent idea as we have business to discuss anyway,” she said, grabbing his wrist and dragging him out of the room.
“Business?”
They went to their usual coffee shop round the corner from the station. On a good day and with the right barista they got their coffees for free, though not their cakes.
“Which one should I take?” asked Morgana, leaning around other customers to get a better view at the selection of cakes and muffins.
“The double chocolate muffin and the New York double cream strawberry dream cheesecake. Jesus, what a name.”
“Two?”
“You need it, girl!”
She shoved him lightly, but Merlin was distracted by the bell over the door to care too much. A small girl with her brown hair in a pigtail entered the shop followed by Arthur Pendragon.
“Shit,” whispered Merlin, quickly turning around.
“What?” asked Morgana, not bothering to turn around.
“Nothing. We’re up.” Merlin pointed ahead at the waiting barista, hoping Arthur just wouldn’t recognise him or acknowledge him or else Morgana would have a field day.
“Oh, hello, um, Merlin.”
Ah shit, well hope for the best and kick Morgana as often as possible. “Hi, Arthur. How are you?”
Morgana jerked her head around in the middle of her order just as Merlin was smiling at Arthur with teeth exposed.
Don’t smile.
“Hi, yeah, I’m good. My school is still standing, so pretty good, actually.”
“You’re welcome.”
“This is Lynn by the way,” said Arthur, tearing his gaze away from Merlin and pointing to the little girl who was staring at all the cakes.
“She’s beautiful.”
“Thank you.”
Merlin took a deep breath, his eyes darting all over the place.
“So-“ “So, I-“
They laughed and Arthur stuffed his hands in his trouser pockets, swaying slightly on his soles.
“Your station’s around the corner right?” Arthur jerked his head in the general direction of ‘out the window, down the road’.
“Yeah. We come here often.” Stop smiling like you’re a deranged drug-addict, Merlin.
“It’s practically our post-work ritual, after the night watch,” chimed in Morgana, holding a tray up that almost overflowed with coffee and cakes.
“Three muffins? I’m not eating two.”
“No, it’s for Lynn. You order your coffee, Arthur, it’s Arthur right? And we’ll be sitting in the armchairs by the window.” Arthur looked around and saw that his daughter had already made herself comfortable and was eagerly awaiting the double chocolate muffin.
“She’s going to be really hyper today,” sighed Arthur.
“Oh god, sorry about that,” said Merlin, laying an apologetic hand on Arthur’s arm. “I can just tell Morgana that you had to go or something.” Merlin jerked his hand away as he realised that Arthur’s eyes had wandered to it. “Sorry, I’m a very touchy-feely person. Sorry.” Dammit.
“No, it’s – it’s fine. I’ll go get my coffee then.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah.”
Merlin glared at his colleague as he walked towards their comfortable corner, but Morgana played the innocent angel.
“This is nice, isn’t it?”
“I hate you,” he whispered at her.
“Maybe, but judging by your smile, you definitely don’t hate him.” Morgana grinned as if Christmas and all the birthdays of her life had fallen on this day and bit into her muffin with visible pleasure.
“Shut up, his daughter is sitting there eating a muffin.”
“Very cute daughter by the way,” said Morgana, half of the muffin still in her mouth. “Very cute and handsome father, too. But I’m sure you’ve noticed.”
“Daddy is very pretty,” piped up chocolate-mouthed Lynn from across the table. Merlin nearly fell out of his chair.
Morgana leaned forward, smiling at Lynn. “He is very pretty, but so are you.”
“Who’s very pretty?” asked Arthur as he stepped up to his armchair.
“You are. At least that’s what Lynn and Merlin think,” replied Morgana, earning a not so subtle glare from Merlin. “I haven’t decided yet.”
Arthur laughed uncomfortably, throwing a glance at Merlin, who had a slight blush crawling up his face.
“So, are you his sister or girlfriend or..?” Arthur vaguely pointed at them with his coffee cup.
“Sister? No. Girlfriend? Probably would be if he were straight, but alas, he’s as gay as a unicorn.”
“That’s me. The fire-fighting gay unicorn.”
“I saw him stab a fire demon with his horn once. True fact that.” Morgana tried to keep her face straight and almost succeeded, but Lynn was giggling so hard that it was infectious. Arthur’s eyes crinkled in the corners even though his mouth displayed only a small smile. Merlin thought the crinkles made him even more handsome and he had to tear his eyes away from him.
Morgana was pushing the plate with the cheesecake into his hand. “Now eat, you need the sugar to shit proper rainbows out your arse, unicorn.”
“Morgana!”
This time Arthur laughed properly while his daughter looked shocked. “Daddy says that’s a bad word.”
“Oh god, sorry. I forgot. It just sort of happens. You didn’t hear that, Lynn, right?” Lynn shook her head and Morgana blew her a kiss.
“Ah, you’re a colleague,” said Arthur. “That sort of language seems to run in the profession.”
Both firefighters nodded vigorously. “See, it’s easier fighting fires when you can yell insults at them.”
“Besides, life is short. Why waste it on trying to find complicated ways of speaking politely,” added Merlin. He noticed Arthur’s cringing during the first sentence, but decided not to comment on it. Arthur stretched out a hand towards his daughter, placing it on her back.
“Have you finished?” he asked in a soft voice and Lynn jumped out of her chair in answer. “Right, sorry, but we have to get to school. You two, um, have a good day, or night, I don’t know. You’re probably going to sleep for the entire day, aren’t you?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“Well, good night then. And I’ll see you Monday after next.” Arthur waved.
“Can’t wait,” called Merlin after him and simultaneously hoped Arthur hadn’t heard. The crinkles around his eyes and the blush on his cheeks as he left the shop said differently. Merlin sunk back into his chair red with embarrassment.
Morgana sighed happily. “I love it when you’re making a fool of yourself.”
“Why did I do that? Why? That was stupid. Bloody hell.” He buried his face in his hands, shaking his head from side to side to emphasize his point.
“If you care to have my opinion-“
“No.”
“He’s very handsome, obviously intelligent, his daughter is adorable and he’s definitely interested.”
Merlin’s head jerked up. “You think?”
“The smile when I said you’re gay. Definitely! I could feel the vibes. So when is this thing at his school?”
“26th. Why?”
Morgana carefully sipped at her coffee before answering. “We have got to work on your ‘how do I not embarrass myself in front of handsome men’-strategy.”
~oOo~
A week later, Arthur was fumbling with the phone, balancing it on his knee, picking it up, placing it on the cushion to his right, dialling Gwen’s number, hanging up again. Every so often, he listened for any noise from Lynn’s room, but she was sound asleep. He’d had a similar routine for the past two days, ever since he’d talked to Gwen about his meeting with Merlin and Morgana in the shop and she’d told him that bright smiles and touches on the arm and making jokes equalled flirting. He’d wondered whether he’d really forgotten all that. After that, he’d started to imagine what it would be like to be dating again. What it would be like to be dating Merlin Emrys, the firefighter.
He picked the phone up again, took a deep breath, and dialled the number. It rang twice.
“London Fire Brigade, Station 52. How can I help?”
Arthur coughed. “Um, right, um, can I speak to Merlin Emrys? Is he there?”
There was a rustle on the other end of the phone line. “Hang on. The watch ended an hour ago, but I think he might still be in the conference room. Oi, Em, phone for you.” The squeak of a door in the background rang down the line, followed by the sound of feet shuffling on the floor.
Arthur fought the urge to hang up again. What was he going to say? He didn’t even really know why he’d called.
“Hello?” Even from that one word, Arthur could tell that Merlin was exhausted and he forgot all about hanging up.
“Hi, it’s Arthur.”
“Arthur! Hi!” Arthur smiled at how more awake Merlin suddenly sounded. It was pleasing to think that he might have caused that.
“Hi, how are you?”
“I’m good. You?” Liar. But Arthur dismissed it or else Merlin would possibly start sharing some gruesome story he really didn’t want to hear.
“Good too. Well, I, um, I called be-“
“We’re still going to show up on Monday, don’t worry. All my men have agreed to come along, so you’re going to have a full house. I’ll try to keep the swearing to a minimum. They can expect punishment otherwise,” joked Merlin, but again Arthur could sense the exhaustion and possibly something else.
“You had day watch today?”
There was a pause and Arthur wished he could see Merlin’s face. “Yeah.”
“And tomorrow?”
“Same.”
“Oh, okay. Right. Okay.”
“Why?” asked Merlin.
“Well, I just thought that maybe, if you’d have been free tomorrow or had the night watch or well, yeah, we, um, could have gone for a pint or something and discussed things. About Monday and whatever else.”
Gwen would kill him if she knew what a mess he was making of it. To be fair the last time he’d asked someone out, he had been a lot younger and a lot smoother and generally more confident when it came to that sort of thing. He ended up marrying her, after all. It just was such a long time ago.
“Any other night, I’d say yes, but like I said, got day watch again tomorrow and a stack of papers that I need to work through. Unfortunately, you really called at a bad time. I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s fine. Don’t worry about it,” said Arthur a bit too quickly.
“We should do it another time?” The question mark in Merlin’s voice caused a somersault in Arthur’s stomach.
“Yeah, yeah, definitely.”
“Okay. Is there actually much to discuss about Monday?”
“Erm, no, not really.” Arthur laughed nervously. “Well, you’ll get access to the assembly hall to do whatever it is you do and well, you know where it is. So yeah, that’s actually it.”
There was an awkward pause between them, and a strange dread and sense of embarrassment took over. “Well, I just... I don’t know.” Arthur ruffled through his hair, pulling it up to clear his thoughts. It didn’t help.
“You don’t know?” Merlin’s question was tentative.
Arthur huffed a laugh. “Not really, no.”
“Um, well, tell me when you do?”
“Sorry, I’m keeping you from your work. I’ll... I’ll see you on Monday.” Arthur didn’t wait for a goodbye from Merlin, but simply pressed the red button on the phone to disconnect.
“Fuck! What am I doing?” Arthur got up, switched off the lamp and walked to his bedroom in darkness.
“What did you do that for?” said Gwen in the staff room the next day. “It was going rather well I’d say until you said ‘I don’t know’.
“Not so loud, Gwen, I’m the flipping Head. And what’s so wrong with ‘I don’t know’. I actually really don’t know what I’m doing.” Arthur stirred his coffee even though he had added neither sugar nor milk. He just liked to have something to do, something he could focus his eyes on.
“You’re moving on. You’re trying to get a date. Which is a good thing, you know. But for that good thing to happen you have to call him again and do it properly this time.”
Arthur shook his head. “No, I’m just going to wait till Monday and see what happens.”
“Arthur.”
“I’m going to wait till Monday and see what happens,” he repeated.
Gwen stared at him unrelenting and it was these moments, when he always wondered how fierce she could really be, if she wanted to. She definitely had the parents under control and that was saying a lot.
Arthur sighed. “Believe it or not, Gwen, this isn’t as easy as it might look to you.”
Gwen’s eyes grew soft. “I know it’s not-“
“Do you?” Arthur threw his spoon in the sink and left the staff room. He knew he’d been unkind, but all the pushing and prodding didn’t help. He needed to think.
~oOo~
Merlin was slumped against the window of the pump truck with his eyes closed. Sweat glistened on his skin and his full hair was plastered to his head. There were several smudges of dirt and soot on his face. His helmet was resting on his knees and his jacket was open and had slipped from his left shoulder.
They had been called to a fire on the fourth floor of a block of flats as the second pump unit; their neighbouring station being first. However, as they arrived at the scene the first pumps hadn’t arrived yet and the fire had been burning longer than should have been the case.
He and Morgana took the first hose and ran into the building, only to find that the fire had spread to the third floor via the staircase and that parts of the floor were crumbling above. Merlin had immediately requested two more pumps, whilst yelling at dispatch where the bloody fuck pump 1 was.
By the time, the fire was under control there were 8 pump units at the scene, but still no sign of the missing one and Merlin was furious until he found out that they had had an accident and two of their firemen were on their way to the hospital due to severe injuries.
Merlin opened his eyes as they pulled into the station. Gaius was waiting for them with Kilgharrah on top of the stairs.
“I’ve put the kettle on, guys,” he said with a sympathetic smile. He resented the title housekeeper and always insisted on being called station guard but Merlin really couldn’t think of a more appropriate title than housekeeper. He took care of the books and other organisational stuff like fundraising, often cleaned the station when it should have been their job to do that, patched up minor wounds, made tea and tried his best to keep them entertained and occupied on a slow day. Gaius did as much - and more – as he could do considering his age. Merlin’s father knew him from his early days as a firefighter and now Gaius was there as part of the strong support system they all were for each other in this station. The only set-back: Gaius wasn’t the best cook, but when all of them had been out on a job and had no time to cook themselves it didn’t really matter how it tasted as long as it was hot.
“What happened?” asked Merlin and Gaius was ready with his answer.
“It was on the roundabout on Colchester Avenue, a guy in a BMW was in the wrong lane, wanted to get out of the roundabout and crossed right in front of the first pump. ‘Cause he didn’t see them.”
“And was deaf, apparently,” interrupted Gwaine who stopped at Merlin’s side.
“Well, the first pump hit him and swerved and crashed into the sideline boulders, which would have been okay, but the second pump didn’t manage to brake or swerve in time so they hit the back of the first. Basically, all of them are injured in some way, two going directly to ICU.”
“BMW guy?”
“A few scratches and a big court case.”
Merlin wiped his hand over his face. “If people had been trapped in that building, they might be dead now because of that idiot.”
“Never trust a BMW,” said Gwaine, clapping both Gaius and Merlin on the shoulders before going off to help the others clean up the pump and equipment.
Gaius looked at Merlin’s tired face. “You did well, Merlin.”
“There was no one in danger anyway.”
Gaius shook his head. “Still, you reacted well to the situation. It was a tough one. Let’s hope there’s nothing else today.”
Merlin checked the big clock just above the hangers. It was ten past 6. “I hope so too, or else we’ll be doing overtime.”
Merlin took his time in the shower, alternating between warm and cold water and rinsing his hair twice. He really shouldn’t be showering now, not when he was still on duty and the alarm could go off any second. If, then it wouldn’t be the first time though that he would run out of the showers naked, dripping wet, and jump into his fire suit. If he thought about it, they’d all probably done it at some point.
By the time, he was dressed in his trousers and grey Brigade T-shirt, the smell of curry was winding its way through the station. He smiled.
“Hi, Elena.”
The blonde was standing in front of the hob, stirring the immense amount of curry. Gwaine was leaning against the counter right beside her, dunking pieces of Naan bread into the curry.
“You are too good to us,” said Merlin as he kissed both her cheeks.
“Gwaine just told me I picked the right night to treat you guys.” She got an affirmative cheer from the rest of the crew as they walked into the kitchen. Merlin opened the fridge and starting handing out cokes.
“Can’t we have the beer? It’s only 30 minutes till watch change.”
“And right now a gas pipe could be exploding in a house in our district. No, Gwaine.”
Gwaine pouted. “You are no fun, Merlin.” Merlin showed Gwaine the middle finger and closed the fridge to prove his resolve. Will and Morgana had been getting out the dishes and cutlery, setting the table. Finally, the huge pot of curry and several small bowls of rice were put on the table, though not without injury as Elena burnt her finger, and it looked as homely as a fire station could look. They used to have a candle, under the condition that they’d always remember to blow it out in case their dinner got interrupted. One time they forgot and the candle had to go. Having a fire station burn to the ground because of a forgotten candle didn’t exactly invite the public’s trust.
“Merlin, can you pass me the bread? Thank- Gwaine, I asked first.”
“’M on the way.”
“A good splash of curry please.”
“God, I’m bloody starving.”
“Can we have roast beef on Sunday, Elena?”
“A bit more.”
“This is fucking excellent.”
“Watch where you’re spraying your food.”
“Really delicious.”
“Sorry, Morgana.”
“Better than the curry down at whathisname.”
“Aladdin.”
“Anybody want some hot sauce? Lance?”
“Wait, seriously? Aladdin?”
“No way, I still haven’t recovered from your prank.”
“Like the Disney film?”
“Like the Disney film.”
“Will, pass me more rice.”
“Anybody up for some drinks at the pub after work?”
“Count me in.”
“Yup.”
“Are you okay?” asked Morgana out of the blue before taking her next bite. Merlin’s head jerked up and he found her looking at him.
“Yeah, fine. Sorry, just exhausted.” He smiled at her, crinkly eyes and all. But this was Morgana, the one person they had so far never managed to prank.
“You looked like you were thinking about something very hard.”
“Merlin, stop thinking. It doesn’t suit you and you’ll get wrinkles,” yelled Gwaine from the other end of the table. Elena hit him on the arm, knocking over her coke can in the process, which resulted in cheers all around the table.
“We know who’s cleaning the kitchen afterwards,” said Will, directing his comment at a groaning Gwaine.
“Cheers, mate.”
“It’s your wife, man. You should help her. L’égalité and all that.”
“Stop speaking French, Will. Kilgharrah’s got that from you, hasn’t he?” whined Merlin, which caused everyone around the table to break into laughter.
“But it’s funny. He’s a French dog now,” replied Will, looking very pleased with himself.
Merlin threw his crumpled napkin at Will. “Yeah, except I never learned a word of bleeding French in my entire life and now I’ve got a French dog.”
“Technically he’s German.”
“Shut up, Morgana,” said Merlin, laughing loudly.
“Merlin, stop laughing. Doesn’t suit you and you’ll get wrinkles,” called Gwaine again, this time picking up his own drink from the table so that Elena had no chance of knocking it over while she hit him again.
Merlin threw a piece of bread across the table at Gwaine, but it landed on Owain’s plate.
“Ew.”
“Food fight!”
“Hell no!”
“You are such children!”
“I hope you’re cleaning it up after you’re done.” All of them looked around towards the door where Tristan was standing with folded arms and a serious expression, looking very much like the Station manager he was. He could be intimidating, but he was a good man and a good leader and Merlin liked working with him.
“Oh we intended to leave it for you bastards,” replied Gwaine, also folding his arms. “Don’t want you getting bored on the night watch.”
“How considerate,” said Tristan. “How was your watch?”
“Hot!”
Tristan motioned for Merlin to follow him and he got up readily. The quicker he was done with the watch change, the sooner he could get back to his curry and properly enjoy it. He filled Tristan in on the accident before going through the usual routine. Tristan clapped him on the shoulder, like nearly everybody else had done that day and still Merlin didn’t necessarily feel like he deserved it.
When he came back 10 minutes later, everybody was already done with their curry and the still half-full pot had been placed in front of Merlin’s plate.
“You’ve got to finish it.”
Merlin smiled. “Right, don’t forget. First-aid training and a bit of fire education for the kids and teachers from that primary school on Monday and Tuesday. Monday at 1 o’clock in front of the school.”
All of them nodded and murmured that Merlin should stop being such a mother and that they wouldn’t forget. Merlin felt a surge of affection for this team. “Great. Now piss off to the pub, I’ll clean up and join you there. And no, I’m not finishing this.” There was a lot of screeching of chairs and clattering of plates and forks and all of them left in a flurry of chatter. All, except Morgana.
“So,” she began. “Arthur.”
“Whatever you’ve heard, it’s not true,” said Merlin.
“You sure? ‘Cause I heard from Gwaine that he blew you in the back of the pump.”
Merlin remained silent and Morgana’s grin vanished.
“Like I said he is very handsome, intelligent and overall cute. Maybe a bit of a stick-up-the-arse? He seemed a bit too ‘everything-has-to-be-in-order’ during the fire for my taste.”
“You’d probably be a stick-up-the-arse if you had to take care of an entire school and it was on fire and then you meet the people who in your opinion weren’t there fast enough.”
Morgana shook her head. “No, I’d be running around, screaming in panic and then giving my everlasting thanks to the people who arrived exactly on time.” She looked at him pointedly, before grinning again. “You know, if I weren’t a firefighter.”
Merlin looked at her with that look of ‘like that would ever have happened’.
“Anyway, down in the coffee shop he was really nice and likable. Maybe his stick isn’t too far in and you could help him getting it out.”
Merlin shook his head in amusement. “I’m just going to ignore your innuendo. And you know; he also wasn’t actually that bad on that Friday, when I went to the school for the biscuits? He even made a joke. And when we talked on the phone it was nice, mostly.” conceded Merlin.
“Hold up. You talked on the phone with him?” Morgana pushed away the pot with the curry.
“Yeah, three days ago.”
“And what do you mean mostly?”
“He got weird towards the end, like he didn’t even remember why he’d called me in the first place. For a moment I thought he might have been asking me out during all his mumble-jumble, but I’m not so sure anymore. Besides he’s got a kid, and probably an ex-wife somewhere, and completely straight and just interested in his school and the training next week, and I’m going to look at his very handsome jaw line from a distance and that’s that.”
“We shall see, Mister. And like I said, coffee shop. He made a much better impression than the stick-up-the-arse thing during the fire.” She was leaning her head on her folded hands and staring at him and Merlin realised that she was probably already plotting how to get him and Arthur on a date. “You two would look very handsome together.”
“Shut up, as I said I’m not even entirely sure he’s interested. I’m just going to wait till Monday and see what will happen.” He scratched his still slightly wet hair.
“You’re already completely infatuated.”
“Am not.”
“Are definitely.”
“You are a child.”
At that, Morgana simply smiled in a way that looked slightly deranged. Merlin blocked her face with his hand and finished his curry in relative peace, groaning at his full stomach when he put his fork down.
“Did I really do a good job today?” he asked after a while.
Morgana sighed. “Yes, you did. I knew you were worried about that. You did fabulous. Nothing went wrong at the scene, we stopped the fire-“
“Eventually,” Merlin cut in.
“We stopped the fire.” She got up and started filling the sink. “We need to get a dishwasher.”
Merlin grabbed one of the kitchen towels, ready to dry whatever Morgana gave him. “It just felt so chaotic, and there were moments when I was really lost and afraid I’d missed something and one of my men was in there being crushed by a burning beam, because I forgot to pull him out or something like that.”
“Merlin, just so you know and please don’t take this the wrong way: but usually, we know what we’re doing and we’d all just not give a fuck about your orders if it was obvious that they would kill us.” Merlin raised his eyebrows. “Not that I think that you would give us dangerous orders on purpose.”
“Thank you for your trust.”
“You’re welcome.”
~oOo~
The door opened and a strip of low light shone onto his bed. A sleepy-eyed Lynn came padding into his bedroom. Arthur sat up, his full attention on his daughter.
“Hey, what’s up?” he asked with a hoarse voice.
Lynn pulled back the blanket a bit and crawled into the bed, sliding close to Arthur. He turned onto his side. “What happened? Did you have a bad dream?”
“I miss Mummy.” It was still a punch to the gut, hearing his daughter say those three words.
“I know. Me too.” He put his arm around small shoulders and she curled up into a ball.
“She’s watching us, right?”
Arthur had once said that to calm Lynn down, to make her stop crying, because her crying had made things so much worse. She had picked up on it and now two years later it was a thought that not only comforted her but also him.
“Yeah, she’s watching us.” Lynn hummed happily at that.
Soon after the crying had stopped and Lynn had somehow accepted that her mother was watching, but not going to come back, she had demanded big sheets of paper. Arthur had bought a whole box and put it in Lynn’s room. Three days later, she had come out of her room, carrying a huge pile of these papers. There had been a trail of them leading out of the room into the living room and she had been adding paper after paper, going all the way through to the kitchen and back. She had put three on the bathroom floor and then called for Arthur to help her hang some on the walls. They had plastered all the doors with them.
“You want some too, daddy?” she had asked him, and he knew she’d meant his bedroom. Arthur had shaken his head, forcing down the lump in his throat.
“Okay,” was all Lynn had said before she had disappeared into her bedroom again.
He still wasn’t quite sure whether she had understood that he just couldn’t bear staring at these pictures, at all the hearts and I miss you’s and little picture stories or simple math problems or photographs that Lynn had drawn, glued or written on the paper.
“So mummy isn’t bored, or forgets us.”
The urge to tear all the make-shift posters down again had been immense, so he’d locked himself in his room, lain on the bed and tried hard not to cry. Hours later, he’d gotten up to check on Lynn. She’d been asleep and there had been a small plate with bread crumbs and a half empty glass of milk next to her bed. Just the simple knowledge that that had been something Lynn had never done before, that Lynn had never prepared her own meal, finally forced out the tears that had been fighting to get out all afternoon. Roles reversed it had been Lynn who’d comforted him that night.
“Maybe she’ll come back, daddy.”
“She’s always watching us, Lynn. Now go to sleep, love.”
She closed her eyes, but Arthur saw how her little brain worked, creasing her forehead ever so slightly.
“Is she watching the firemen who saved us as well?” she asked after a while, her voice betraying her anxiety by going unusually high at the end. “Or is that too much work for Mummy?”
Arthur tried to suppress a laugh. “I’m pretty sure she’s watching them as well.”
His daughter smiled up at him. “Good. ‘Cause they need it more than we do.”
“They do, yes. Try and sleep now, love.” He kissed her on the forehead and drew the blanket a bit higher.
Gwen always kept telling him how well he and Lynn had dealt with the whole situation, how much they’d healed in the past two years, but Arthur sometimes doubted whether they’d really healed at all. Sometimes it felt as if there was simply a plaster over the wound, which could be torn off so easily.
Lynn was still drawing pictures and putting them on doors and walls or laying them outside in the backyard when the sun was shining. They were still seeking each other out for comfort and shared grief. Lynn sometimes had episodes of utter rebellion in school and the teachers had talked to pphim about that, sent her to his office or some had even asked whether she was seeing a therapist. Then in the afternoons at home she had always been an absolute angel again, crying into his shoulder and apologising to Mummy. Arthur had never really known how to deal with that.
The fact that Lynn looked so much like her mother didn’t make it easier.
Arthur closed his eyes, but it was some time before he stopped thinking about Mithian and fell asleep.
~oOo~