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Today wasn't a good day, infact, it's a pretty rough day for Sayori.
She had started the day with her left foot, the alarm startled her so much she felt from her bed to the cold floor. She had forgotten she brought a new alarm after her girlfriends suggested it would help her to wake up more easily.
So she hastily started her day from there, she went downstairs to make herself some breakfast, but decided she didn't want any. Today wasn't a good day, and even her stomach noticed. She grumbled to herself, something about at least grabbing some yogurt, but didn't make an effort to stand up and actually grab it.
She looks up at the clock, she still has half an hour to do anything. Her mind starts to fog, thinking about how she should be doing her homework, or just anything that could mean "oh look! I'm a decent human being!".
She should be doing something useful, rather than just sitting there in the kitchen. She's not even eating anything! she's just...there.
Her breath becomes strained when she feels a familiar hot twinge behind her eyes, she's not going to cry, she knows she can't. Besides, it doesn't really do anything, does it? she faintly wonders if it would cange anything to do her makeup today. Her girlfriends must be really annoyed by her, always messy and never useful.
Gah! no! not rainy thoughts, her girlfriends love her so much.
Do they?
She starts to feel a dark weight on the pit of her stomach, if I were to show up in this state, crying and just being myself. Would they still love me? she entertains the though for a moment before sighing. Of course they wouldnt.
She looks at the clock again and sees that she should be going. She puts her books in her bag, but can't help but notice how her moves are slow, lethargic even. Maybe I should skip school? she stops to think for a second, and miss today's important poem sharing? how usual of you.
Oh right. Today's poem sharing, she was supposed to bring a poem to today's meeting. She didn't even remember, and now it's not like she has enough time. She can't help but let a defeated sigh. She really doesn't change, does she?
She opens the door and steps outside of the house, ah...goodbye sweet and cold place where she sleeps. Ah she forgot to say bye to Mr Cow, she faintly remembers while walking.
Then suddenly, she hears a familiar voice.
"Gah!- Sayori, slow down a sec!" A very familiar short pink haired girl yelled while running to her side.
Hide the clouds.
"Oh Natsuki!" she giggles, "Sorry I didn't hear you..." she sends an apologetic smile her way.
Said girl just huffs while trying to catch her breath, Natsuki and Sayori had begun to have the habit of walking to school together when Natsuki's dad didn't want to drive her there.
"Uff, I bet, it was like you were in a trance, didn't look behind for a moment." she scoffs, before softening her gaze, "U alright?" she asks, in a rather gentle way.
Ah...
"Of course I am!" she sang in a fake cheerful voice, even if her blue eyes didn't met her girlfriend's pink ones.
"Mhm...okay." her girlfriend's voice sounded hesitant, but didn't say anything else.
Ah great, now you're bothering her with your stupid feelings. Even if that's the last thing you want to do, it's inevitable. She muses sarcastically.
"So uhm...I'm happy to see you Sayo." Natsuki admits with a slight blush in her cheeks. Oh?
"Really?" she can't help but ask before feeling a smile tug at her lips, "I'm happy to see you too" she giggles, this time more sincerely.
She obviously did that out of pity.
She's happy to see me, I believe her. Natsuki is not the type to do things out of pity.
"Yeah yeah, whatever." She says in a dismissive manner, while trying to hide her blush. "Let's go faster, we're gonna end up late and I'm gonna blame u!" she holds her hand for her.
"Of course! let's go~" she holds her hand without any doubt, and starts to walk faster. The thoughts still are there, but more faintly. She is loved, she remembers to tell herself, some clouds dissipate.
It's always like that, she feels a lot better when she's with her girlfriends, they just know how to fix her things!
Besides, if she tries real hard today, maybe it won't suck.
"Ah we're already here. I'll see you today at the club, 'aight?" she nods, "good luck!" she walks away with a wave.
Sayori glances around before coming to the realization that today, infact, was a school day and she needed to go to class. Spend those hours in a chair while thinking about how she would rather be home and in her bed, rotting peacefully in her room. She's not sure if she would enjoy getting yelled at my Mrs Lily because she forgot to do her homework, once again.
But she doesn't have any other choice, so she makes her feet move to her classroom.
The hours that come next are nothing more that a blurry experience. Some automatic writing when the teacher tells her to pay attention, but nothing more than that.
When she registers the bell, she rapidly stands up, but her vision turns black for a second. That's not good, i should've eaten. People like you don't deserve to.
She ignores the thought and goes to the cafeteria.
There she finds a familiar purple long hair, well, it's rather easy to find her since she's tall.
When she notices Sayori coming closer she smiles shyly and waves, "Hi Sayori, have you eaten?" Yuri asks while playing with her hair.
Sayori shakes her head, "not yet," Yuri hums thoughtfully, "Is that so? would you want some of my lunch? I'm not that hungry." she offers.
She blinks, "Are you sure?" she can't help but ask, "i don't want to bother..hehe..." she giggles at the end to not sound too emotional.
Yuri's eyes spark with fierceness, "Sayori! you are in no way a bother for that." the fire in her eyes dies for a second, "why would you think that?"
The question sounds almost unreal. The question should be why wouldn't she?
"i..." the words die on her throat, "sorry I don't know," she glances around trying to find a escape "a-ah well, look at that! looks like I gotta go, bye Yuri!" Sayori quickly runs off, leaving a very confused and slightly concerned Yuri.
As Sayori runs through the halls, she can't help but think about it, why is she so messed up? what's the problem with her, why is she a burden?
Something is obviously just wrong with you.
She knows.
She glances at the clock again, only 2 more hours and she'll be free to go to the club.
She can do this!
She can't do this! she's so stupid, she once again didn't do what she should and now she's getting scolded. She expected it, but it still hurts.
She feels the hot twinge behind her eyes again, but this time with more intensity. The sensation accompanied by the feeling of shame. She's so worthless.
"Miss Sayori, just get out of my class." Sayori doesn't even wait a second before stepping out of the classroom. Delightful, she humorlessly chuckles. She wonders where she should go now, maybe go to the club? she would be the first, that's weird. She's usually the last one to get there.
Still, she decides that's where she wants to be right now, so she walks (it's starting to become more like "she forces her body to cooperate and move its feet").
When she gets there, she opens the door and sits in the first chair she sees. She closes her eyes to try and think, but she's met with rainy clouds. Which yeah, she expected it, still hurts.
She feels like she's in the edge of a mental breakdown, but when is she not? haha. It honestly is becoming easier for her to entertain the thought of dying, just rotting away alone without having to burden anyone. She would stop being a bother, she would stop wasting her girlfriends breath to talk to her. She just needs to stop.
Or she needs to start doing something? she isn't sure. Her brain starts to hurt a little, but she figures she deserves it. So she stays there, not doing anything but thinking about a million of things. Not even noticing the approaching footsteps, not before a hand presses against her shoulder.
"Ah! sorry, i wasn't sure if you were awake," an angelical voice says, "I'm surprised you're here early" Monika states happily.
"I-i know...hehe-" her voice comes out more shaky than she intended. Monika can't help but frown at that.
"Sayo-" she starts but is interrupted by two heads entering the classroom. Yuri and Natsuki notice they are interrupting something. "Ah...what's the matter?" asks Yuri.
"I was going to ask Sayori that," Monika responds, while turning to look at her "You don't look so good today Sunshine..." the nickname sounds so out of character today, she finds it hard to think that that's supposed to be her. "Yeah geez, you were acting pretty weird back there, i saw how you ran from Yuri and how you acted at today's morning." Natsuki replies in a stern but gentle.
"...'m sorry, I-i just..." her eyes start to water, and she lowers her head to try and avoid their eyes.
"Tell us what you're thinking Sunshine." Monika tries patiently.
"I...I haven't felt okay lately," they hum in a way to make her know they're listening. "My thoughts sometimes make it hard for me to be...there," she sniffles and meets their supporting eyes. "I just can't help but ask myself..." she stops for a second, not finding the right words, before letting another tear fall.
"Who would try and put up with me? if I'm just an inconvenience to everyone around me, like a parasite, I'll just burden you." her voice sounds hollow at the end.
The girls heart break at the sight, their beautiful sunshine reducing herself to that. It's heartbreaking to see, since they don't ever think she's burdening them. Yuri is the first one to respond,
"I'm sorry you have been feeling that way," she starts, "b-but...! i don't believe you are a burden, at least not for me...?" she hesitates, not knowing how to comfort someone. "Sorry, you're the sunshine in the group...i don't know how to help." Yuri admits shyly.
Monika steps closer, her eyes flick with determination "Sayori," she starts, "You are not a burden, we love you a lot." Yuri nods firmly while Natsuki huffs but still nods. "It...pains us that you think like that" Sayori's eyes widen at that and she opens her mouth, but Monika continues "we would like to know what's happening here," she taps Sayori's forehead gently "so we can help" she finishes, barely restraining herself from hugging Sayori till she can't breath.
"I...I know, but sometimes I can't help but worry" Sayori admits, still avoiding looking to their eyes.
"That's okay," Monika holds out her arms "would some hug energy make you feel better?" she offers her a saddened smile, to which Sayori sends her own one.
"Yeah." Sayori shakily takes a few steps, and Monika embraces her with so much love, she's afraid she'll explote. Then she feels another pair of arms around her, "Love you dummy, I didn't know you were feeling down" Natsuki whispers, while hugging her tightly. "Please tell us next time you feel bad, I want to help" Yuri says, while playing with Sayori's hair while she hugs her.
Then out of nowhere, brrrrmgh
Ah, that's her stomach, right...she didn't eat today. She feels a laugh rip out of her, "Gah s-sorry!" she keeps laughing "I totally ruined the moment" she giggles, the others share a look and smile at her.
"Let's get you some food then~" Monika says while smiling softly.