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2010-01-09
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For Dear Life

Summary:

There are bad days...and then there are days that turn your world upside down. Spoilers for "The Pain in the Heart."

Notes:

Written for ladybug218 for the hetfic summer ficathon. My prompt was: After a bad day, sometimes all you want is a hug. Since I couldn't really imagine a worse day, this is set after the S3 finale. This was my first time even attempting to write Bones, and I could not have done it without the encouragement, beta-reading and moral support of Medie and angelsgracie.

Work Text:

Angela fell asleep in the car on the way home from the hospital after they delivered Zack's belongings to him. Considering the rollercoaster of the past three days, Hodgins didn't really blame her. They'd barely had time to mourn Agent Booth, let alone deal with the shock of his surprise resurrection, before the explosion and the awful revelation about Zack. If he hadn't been responsible for getting them both home in one piece – Angie especially – Hodgins might have been tempted to sleep too.

There had never been any question of going home separately tonight. Not that they often did anymore, but he hadn't even had to ask if Angela wanted to leave her car at the Jeffersonian. They'd pick it up tomorrow: tonight neither one of them wanted to leave each other's side for long.

She woke up as he was pulling into the driveway, just in time to see the dark, empty shape of Zack's apartment over the garage loom into view. Neither of them said anything for a long moment, parking in silence and just sitting, staring at the apartment as if by doing so they could turn the clock back and save Zack before he'd ever had a chance to fall.

"I suppose we'll have to clean out the rest of his stuff for his family," Angela finally broke the silence, her voice dead tired. "Oh, God – what do we tell his family? 'Sorry we turned your son into a murderer'?"

Something in Hodgins snapped, releasing all his anger and self-loathing to come rushing to the fore. "Don't you mean sorry I turned their son into a murderer?" he asked bitterly.

Angela looked at him, a question in her eyes but not on her lips.

"I was the one always talking about the Illuminati and the Templars and..." He stopped, swallowing hard to try to get the bitter taste out of his mouth. "And back when the possibility of Gormogon being an inside job first came up, even you thought I was a plausible suspect."

She sighed, as if tired of explaining this to him. "No, I didn't--"

Hodgins didn't let her finish. "Maybe not. But some people did. Even this time, I know the FBI considered me a suspect. Cam didn't say so, but she didn't have to." He sighed, rubbing his face with his hand. "The point is, if Zack thought this was something I would do, what reason would he have to believe he shouldn't?"

Angela's mouth drew into a hard line that he should know by now never to provoke, but it was too late. "Yeah, and Brennan framed herself for murder to get a jury to acquit her father when we all knew he was guilty. And I refused to testify against him. What sort of message do you suppose that sent? There's plenty of blame to go around, Hodgins. Don't you dare hog it all for yourself."

She climbed out of the car, slamming the door angrily behind her and stalking away.

Hodgins just sat there in shock for a long moment before finally getting out of the car himself and going to look for her.

He found her in their bedroom, curled up on the bed hugging a pillow for dear life. She didn't turn as he came in, just started speaking softly. "You want to know your real legacy to Zack? How many of this guy's apprentices do you think would have blown themselves up to save a friend?"

When he didn't answer, she went on: "He could have let you perform the experiment. It would've provided just as much distraction, and left him free to find some pretext to go down to the vault and help his 'master' remove the skeleton. But he didn't. And even lying there in the hospital with his hands crippled for life, the first thing he cared about was that you were all right."

Hodgins just stood there, speechless, while Angela finally rolled over to face him, still clutching the pillow.

"We should have kept a better eye on him after he came back from Iraq," she said regretfully, quietly. "I mean, you go away to war and they tell you it's okay to kill if you're doing it to protect your country. Then you come home and they tell you it's wrong. Is it any wonder he got confused?"

"I don't know," was the only honest answer he could come up with. He crossed to the bed, sitting beside her on it. "I'm sorry I snapped at you."

Angela covered his hand with her own. "So am I. And I'm not angry at you, not really. I just..." her voice trailed off in defeat.

Hodgins pulled her close. "I know," he murmured. "I have a feeling we're all going to be a bit edgy for a few days." Okay, so days was probably an understatement, but right now he didn't think he wanted to think much farther ahead than that. The inevitable trial...no, that was one demon none of them were ready to face yet.

She nodded against his shoulder and he felt the first of her tears soak through his shirt. "Can you just hold me for a while?" Angela mumbled into his chest.

He planted a soft kiss on her temple before burying his face in her hair and breathing in the scent as if it were the only constant left in an ever-shifting world. In a world where Zack Addy could be a killer, he needed that constant more than ever. And in a strange way, it was a comfort to know that she did too.

Hodgins closed his eyes and held on for dear life. "Yeah. That I can do."