Chapter Text
The sun began its ascent over the Hogwarts grounds, casting a gentle, warm glow on what was once a bloody battlefield. Seated atop the Astronomy Tower, Draco Malfoy watched as the radiant sun slowly emerged in the east. Its beauty stood in stark contrast to the destruction that marred the very grounds it illuminated. Draco swung his legs over the tower's edge, allowing his feet to dangle perilously, finding strange comfort in the position.
Meanwhile, down in the Great Hall, the rest of the student body gathered. Some were busy celebrating the hard-earned victory, while others were grieving over the lives lost in battle. Or maybe it was a mix of both; Draco wasn't quite sure. After all, he wasn't there to witness it himself. Unable to celebrate or mourn, Draco's embarrassment and shame over his battlefield outburst held him back. Facing the other students, or anyone for that matter, was out of the question. So, he consciously chose to avoid any and everyone, seeking refuge in the solitude of the Astronomy Tower instead.
Draco didn't need to be in the Great Hall to know that everyone was talking about him. His embarrassing meltdown during the final battle was a hot topic for sure. People were probably wondering why Draco would lose his cool like that. But honestly, Draco had no answers to give. He couldn't explain why he suddenly switched sides to his fellow Slytherins or justify betraying his parents. Worst of all, he couldn't possibly explain the reason for his outburst to HIM. So instead of facing his demons, Draco chose to chill out alone on the Astronomy tower, legs swinging over the edge.
Yet, the solace he sought in his secluded position escaped him. He was relieved to not have to face his peers or look upon HIM but saddened that he couldn't manage to escape his thoughts. Overwhelming regret and suffocating guilt consumed him, anchoring him to his spot.
He thought about his parents. Facing them was an unbearable prospect. They were likely scouring the battlegrounds at that very moment, trying to find where he ran off to. Draco couldn't face them after the clear betrayal he had displayed. They had warned him for years to stay away from HIM, preaching that he was the enemy, that the Dark Lord would surely vanquish him. But Draco secretly never wanted him to be vanquished. But his true feelings remained hidden, buried deep within himself, as he played the role of the perfect son. He had aligned himself with the Dark Lord. Obediently he followed every command, engaged in every mission, and embraced his family's bigoted ideology – all to elicit his parents' pride. He had naively believed that his true feelings would remain hidden until the end of time. But now, after his frenzied outburst, it was painfully evident to his parents how he truly felt.
Facing his Slytherin housemates was equally daunting. Many of them shared his past bigotry and hatred. How could he look them in the eye now? They had once revealed in his taunts, joined in his cruelty, cheering him on as he directed his animosity towards the Golden Boy. But now, they must feel so deceived, disgusted by the revelation that Draco was nothing but a liar. All those times he hexed HIM, wished him harm in the company of Blaise, Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle- those moments they had supported and validated – now seemed like nothing more than a crude charade.
And then, despite his best efforts to suppress it, his thoughts inevitably turned to HIM. Draco couldn't bear to face HIM. He knew that the Boy Who Lived was likely searching all corners of Hogwarts, ready to confront him, demanding answers that Draco couldn't possibly provide. The boy who had been his nemesis, the object of his disdain for years. The one who he stood firmly against.
As if on cue, the sound of footsteps echoed on the stairs leading up to the Astronomy Tower. Draco didn't need to turn around to recognize the approaching figure—it was HIM. Climbing up there to confront Draco, no doubt. Inwardly, Draco cursed himself for his lack of preparation. Rather than indulging in self-pity perched on the Astronomy Tower, his time would have been better spent diligently preparing his responses. He was well aware of the exact questions that would be thrown his way, yet he wasted a whole two hours on the ledge without formulating a single answer.
The footsteps slowly came to a stop behind Draco. He was so close Draco could hear him breathing, but he made no move to acknowledge he was aware of his presence. Finally, a foot nudged Draco's elbow, forcing him to acknowledge the intruder. "Hey," Harry's voice broke the silence. "I've been looking everywhere for you."
"What do you want?" Draco retorted harshly; his eyes fixed ahead on the Hogwarts grounds. He was serious about his inability to face Harry. He couldn't even bear to look at him.
"Listen I don't want to fight, I just came up here to ask you a question," Harry replied wearily, disregarding Draco's hostile tone.
"Well, can't you see I'm busy right now, Potter? Can't we do this later?" Draco responded, attempting to buy himself some more time. Maybe if he could redirect the conversation by deflecting, then Harry would take the hint and leave, sparing Draco from having to confront the questions to which he had no answers.
"No," Harry's response was swift. He crouched down, positioning himself to face Draco's profile. "I just want to know why you reacted like that when you thought I was dead."
Draco's breath caught in his throat. He knew this question was coming. It was the one he had been dreading. His mind drifted back to a few hours earlier, replaying the moment when he inadvertently revealed his true self, betraying his housemates and his family. He recalled his outburst on the castle's front steps, the raw emotion that had spilled out.
Flashback
Draco watched as Hagrid trudged up the familiar path to the castle, his massive frame cradling something that Draco couldn't recognize from such a far distance. As Hagrid entered the grounds, a hushed silence fell upon the survivors.
Draco Malfoy stood at a distance; his eyes fixed on the lifeless body. As Hagrid came closer it was clear who that body belonged to. Draco stared at the deathly paleness of Harry's face, framed by his unruly black hair, and it sent a shockwave through Draco's very being. A surge of pain, heartache, and pure devastation surged within him, threatening to consume him whole.
Voldemort's voice boomed across the grounds, his cruel tone dripping with triumph. "Harry Potter is dead! He was killed as he ran away, trying to save himself while you lay down your lives for him. We bring you his body as proof that your hero is gone."
At that moment, as the words hung in the air, it was Draco who let out an anguished scream that pierced the silence. The sound tore from the depths of his soul, carrying with it raw, devastating emotion. Tears streamed down his face, their salty trails marking the pain etched deep within him. His voice cracked and quivered, as if unable to contain the sheer agony that consumed him.
"NO NO NO NO NO NO!" Draco's screams echoed through the castle, each syllable an expression of the overwhelming despair that gripped his heart. With trembling legs, he collapsed onto his knees, his body unable to bear the weight of his devastation any longer. The cold ground offered no comfort, only a stark reminder of the cruel reality that had unfolded before his eyes.
The crowd turned their gaze toward Draco, their eyes widening in disbelief. The sight of Draco Malfoy, the arrogant Slytherin, openly weeping for his presumed enemy, left them dumbfounded. The profound shock hung in the air, casting a spell of stunned silence upon the onlookers. At that moment, Draco's raw display of anguish shattered the preconceived notions they held, revealing a vulnerability they never could have imagined.
Draco was forced out of his memory when Harry tapped him on the shoulder. 'Malfoy, did you hear what I said?" Harry asked.
Draco's sarcastic response came out before he could stop it. "Yes, I'm not deaf Potter."
"Right, so what's your answer?" Harry retorted clearly annoyed. Draco let out a dramatic sigh. Stalling for time. Trying to quickly come up with a lie because the truth wasn't an option. So, he sat there deep in thought, trying to think of something to say.
"MALFOY" Harry screamed. It made Draco jump and turn his head toward him. It was the first time Malfoy laid eyes on Harry since he saw his pale, lifeless body during the final battle. He couldn't help that his heart skipped a beat at the sight of a very much healthy and alive Harry Potter.
"MALFOY" Harry screamed again while shaking Draco's shoulders. "You keep zoning out for minutes at a time. I asked you a question." Harry declared.
"I know, and I already said I was busy," Draco responded.
"That's bullshit Malfoy. You're not busy. You're just sitting here staring off into space." Harry responded. Harry took a deep breath. He could already feel himself getting worked up and decided that anger and aggression wasn't the best approach to get his answers. So, he sat down in a crisscrossed position with his legs facing Draco's profile. He took a deep breath and calmly said. "Listen, I know you want to be alone right now, and I'm not here to bother you I swear. I just… I need to know why you reacted like that when you thought I was dead. You sounded… I don't know…Destroyed almost. I don't even know. I just. I need to know why? Can you tell me?"
Draco ran his hands through his hair aggressively. Potter was relentless. Clearly stalling and deflecting wasn't going to work. He would have to give Harry an answer, just not the truth. Never the truth.
"I was scared ok" Draco resigned "It was torture living with the Dark Lord. He forced me to torture people and then tortured me when I refused. I spent my whole life looking up to a man that would kill me in a heartbeat if I so much as made a mistake. What kind of life is that? Living in fear of making a wrong step. Fearing death at every corner. I was terrified of him, Potter! I didn't want HIM to win. I wanted you to. His victory meant I would spend the rest of my life following an evil, bloodthirsty, murderous madman". Draco screamed.
"When I saw that incompetent giant carrying your dead body it became very clear that he had won. I was terrified. It all happened so fast, and I was so scared. I didn't have time to have a sane reaction. So, I screamed, and I cried. It's not a big deal" Draco tried to explain.
Harry nodded his head slowly at Draco's response. Seemingly understanding what he was saying. "I believe you," Harry responded. Draco let out a shallow breath of relief. For the first time since he climbed on the ledge of Astronomy Tower, he felt as though he could put this embarrassing incident behind him.
"But" Harry's manly voice pierced through Draco's premature relief. "There's more to it than that. I mean there were plenty of people on that battlefield terrified of Voldemort. Terrified of what his victory would mean for them. But none of them screamed for me the way you did. Your scream was blood-curdling Malfoy. You sounded shattered, destroyed, heartbroken. No one else reacted like that. Not Ron, not Hermione, not even Ginny and she was my girlfriend. So while I understand you were scared, I also need to know the real reason. The real reason you reacted so brokenly when you thought I was dead." Harry said.
Draco turned his head to face Harry this time. He looked into his piercing emerald eyes and saw nothing but determination. It was always so easy for Draco to read Harry. He spent so many years watching him, obsessing over him - he could read him like a book. He hated how Harry could read him just as easily.
Harry looked at him patiently waiting for an honest answer. Draco should have known lying to him would never have worked. They knew each other entirely too well, but admitting to Harry the real reason he screamed for him was also not an option. So, Draco had absolutely no idea what to say. He was quickly running out of ideas. Diversions and half-truths were no longer good enough options. So, he tried avoidance instead. "I don't know what you want me to say, Potter."
"Just the truth, Draco" Harry said, his voice laced with patience and understanding. A reassuring smile graced his lips as he tried to ease Draco's worries.
Draco felt his heart skip a beat at the sound of his first name slipping from Harry's lips. The way it rolled off Harry's tongue was like a symphony to Draco's ears, sending a jolt of electricity through his veins. It made him yearn to bare his soul, to release the burden of the secret he had carried for far too long. Yet, Draco knew better. Today was not the day for heart-pouring confessions.
"I... I can't," Draco stated while shaking his head violently back and forth.
"Yes, you can, Draco. Just tell me," Harry urged, his eyes brimming with a mixture of trust and determination.
Draco rolled his eyes in frustration. Why couldn't Harry just let this go? It was clear that Draco didn't want to talk about it. But as usual, Potter was a stubborn little shit, so he pressed on.
"Listen, I won't get upset whatever the answer is. I just need to know" Harry said.
"Merlin" Draco pulled at his hair in frustration. "I already answered your stupid question. What more do you want from me?"
"Like I said. I just want the truth" he said.
"I just told you the truth" Draco gritted out exasperatedly.
"The whole truth Draco. I want the whole truth" Harry responded.
"I told you the whole truth. It was a reaction, Potter. You keep looking for some deeper meaning but there is none" Draco said.
"Don't lie to me Malfoy. You're trying to make me feel like a crazy person for asking you this but I'm not stupid. I know there is more to that outburst than what you claim. So just tell me" Harry said sternly.
Draco was becoming agitated. Harry Potter's relentless questioning was making him feel like he was being backed into a corner. Draco had never been good at submitting, and he was dangerously close to lashing out.
"Potter, I've already answered your stupid question," he shouted. "I have nothing more to say to you. So, if you don't mind. Kindly fuck off."
Harry didn't bat an eyelash at Draco's angry response. He simply continued to stare at Draco with a blank expression on his face, barely acknowledging what he just said "I understand that you want me to leave, and I will. You just have to answer my question first." he said calmly.
Draco growled in anger at Harry's blatant disregard for his previous statement. Was the boy deaf? He had already answered Harry's question three times. What more did he want? Draco was beyond frustrated. Nothing he was saying was working. He had tried deflection, lies and even asking politely to be left alone. Nothing had worked. The only other option was the truth, but Draco could never do that.
He knew that the only way to get rid of Harry was to piss him off. To pick a fight. Luckily for Draco, he was very good at fighting with Harry. If there was a NEWT for pissing Potter off, Draco would surely get an Exceeds Expectations. He always knew just what to say to push Harry over the edge. To make him so angry that he stormed off in a psychotic rage.
So Draco hardened his face and met Harry's gaze with a defiant stare.
"Listen, Potter, I know you're a fucking idiot and you were probably dropped on your head as a child by your whore of a mother. But I've already answered your dumb ass question. I came up here to be ALONE, not to be harassed by you!
Harry took a deep breath to keep his temper in check. He could tell that Draco was trying to get a rise out of him, but he refused to take the bait.
"I'm not here to harass you, " Harry said warningly "I just want to know the real reason"
"That's just it, Potter! I gave you the real reason. You're just too stupid to accept it" Draco said, throwing both his hands in the air in frustration. "Instead of fucking off, like I asked you to, you're sitting here begging me. Begging me to answer questions that I've already ANSWERED. How pathetic could you be? To sit here and beg. I mean I knew you were pathetic before when you used to follow the mudblood and the Weasel around because no one else gives a shit about someone as worthless as you. But this is a new low. This is the most pathetic I've seen you."
Harry glared at Draco with cold, dangerous eyes. Draco continued to scream in his face, oblivious to the change in Harry's demeanor. Harry's calm exterior had shattered, and he was slowly becoming more and more angry.
"Sitting here, engaging in this utterly pointless conversation, has finally made me realize something," Draco sneered, his words dripping with disdain.
Harry's frustration grew, his anger boiling inside him.
"It's crystal clear now that while I was busy fearing the Dark Lord and contemplating the horrors of a future under his rule, I never once considered what a wretched future with you would look like," Draco continued, his voice laced with icy cruelty. "This pathetic exchange we're having right now is more tortuous than anything the Dark Lord could have ever inflicted upon me." Draco's voice turned frigid and venomous; each word designed to inflict maximum damage.
Harry's anger surged within him, his emotions reaching a boiling point. He attempted to interject, but Draco's relentless cruelty refused to be silenced.
"I said I wanted you to win, but honestly, I kind of wish things had gone down differently. Like maybe you both could have found a way to kill each other. Cause here's the thing; the world is definitely better off without the Dark Lord in it, no doubt about it. But the world would be better off without you in it too. "Draco said, words dripping with malice.
Had Draco been paying attention, he would have noticed a distinct change in Harry's demeanor. The once - emerald, green of Harry's irises shifted to a much darker shade. The reddening of Harry's skin and the heaviness of his breathing would have been clear signs of his rising fury. Perhaps, if Draco had noticed this drastic transformation, he would have ceased his cruel words. Unfortunately, Draco remained oblivious, completely absorbed in his desire to push Harry over the edge; to capitalize on his insecurities and exploit his fears. He was too engrossed in spewing hateful speech that he knew would destroy Harry. Instead, he acted as a man possessed, utterly lacking control over the hateful, angry words that flowed from his lips. Ignoring Harry's warnings, Draco continued to eviscerate Potter with his words.
"It's not too late, Potter," Draco added. "You could just end it all right now, and honestly, no one would give a damn. You've served your purpose. You defeated the Dark Lord, and that's all you were ever meant to do. Don't fool yourself into thinking those people downstairs actually give a damn about you, because they don't. They were just using you. Using you to secure this victory in the war. And now that you've done it, they don't care if you live or die. I for sure don't. So, you should do us all a favor and kill yourself. Set us free from having to live in a world with you in it. Everyone would be so much happier if you would…"
Before Draco could complete his vile statement, Harry's rage consumed him, overriding any restraint he had left. In a surge of fury, he roughly grabbed Draco by the throat, cutting off his oxygen supply. Yanking him up from his seated position and pushing him against the nearby wall, forcefully shoving him against it. Closing in on Draco's face, Harry's intense gaze bore into him, while Draco gasped, startled by Harry's rough manhandling. Desperate to escape, Draco attempted to grab Harry's hands and pry them away from his neck, but Potter was much too strong.
"I. Can't… breathe" Draco managed to utter, pleading for release as Harry continued to choke him. Ignoring Draco's plea, Harry simply glared back, his nostrils flaring with anger. Tightening his grip on Draco's neck, he further restricted Draco's airflow, leaving him gasping for breath. In a desperate attempt to free himself, Draco resorted to clawing at Harry's hands, his sharp nails digging into delicate skin, leaving trails of blood in their wake. But Harry remained unwavering, the pain in his hand was easy to ignore when the bane of his existence was staring him right in the face. Frustrated with Draco's attempts to escape, he spits in Draco's face, intensifying the already charged atmosphere between them.
As Harry's spit made contact with Draco's eye, his immediate reaction was to shut his eyes tightly, his disbelief freezing him in place. With the spittle trickling down his cheek, Draco eventually mustered the courage to open his eyes again, only to be met with a chilling and terrifying expression in Harry's gaze. At that moment, Draco realized he had crossed a line with his remarks. He had intended to provoke Harry enough to make him fuck off, not to elicit a physical attack. But as always, when it came to Potter, Draco struggled to restrain himself. Engaging in a fight with him was as essential as drinking water—it was an instinctual need. And just like a desperate and dehydrated person, a mere sip of water was not enough. One would have to chug down an entire gallon.
Harry loosened his grip on Draco's throat slightly, though he didn't release him entirely. Fury consumed him like never before, surpassing even his anger toward Voldemort. At least Voldemort's cruelty had a purpose, albeit a dark and twisted one. Draco, on the other hand, was simply a cruel, malicious bastard for no reason at all. He had relentlessly tormented Harry for years and Harry knew he didn't deserve it.
Harry should have realized politeness and civility wouldn't work on Draco; a different approach was necessary. It was clear that Malfoy would never respond to patience and understanding. He was a nasty, slimy, sneaky, and downright evil person. Merely asking him a question would never be enough. Well, if violence, anger, and aggression were the only languages Draco understood, then Harry was willing to speak that language to him.
Harry rose on his tiptoes, so he was eye to eye with Draco. He moved so close to him that he could pick out the tiny blue specks of Draco's irises. He looked into those eyes and saw a glimpse of fear. Good. That only fueled Harry on.
"What the fuck! What the fuck! What the fuck is wrong with you?" he yelled in his face. "You are so fucking cruel Malfoy. So, fucking cruel. I asked you a simple question. A simple question. And all I wanted was for you to be honest. For once in your life to be honest with me and you can't fucking do it. After all, I've done for you. I saved your life. TWICE. I just won a fucking war. And all I ask in return is for you to answer one simple question. And instead of being honest you yell in my face, call my mother a whore, and then tell me to go kill myself." Harry raged.
Draco cringed as Harry recounted the cruel words, he had said to him. He was truly scared of Potter, scared of what he might do next. He once again struggled against Potter's grip on his neck, but Potter wasn't budging.
"Potter "Draco said, trying to placate him "Please just let me go, we can talk about this."
"NO" Potter screamed. "I'm done talking. I gave you several opportunities to talk, and you lied to me every time."
"Please" Draco pleaded "You're hurting me."
Tears of rage welled up in Harry's eyes as he screamed, "YOU'RE HURTING ME! All that cruel shit you just said. That hurt Malfoy. I don't deserve it. I never do. But you're always such a fucking asshole to me. Even when I'm being nice. Even then, you're still an asshole. I'm not stupid ok, contrary to what you might think. I know what you were doing. Trying to anger me enough so that I give up and let this go. Well, congratulations I'm angry but I'm not letting this go. I will MAKE you answer me because I'll be damned if I let a pathetic, slimy, bastard like you, keep me from getting what I want"
Draco's eyes widened in horror at Harry's statement, overwhelmed by how far things had escalated. He was at a loss for words or actions that could make Harry release him. The relentless determination in Harry's eyes was truly terrifying.
"Please, Potter, I'm begging you, just let me go," Draco pleaded once more, his voice filled with desperation.
Harry paid no attention to Draco's plea. Instead, he growled in response, removing his right hand from around Draco's neck. Harry reached down to his boot, retrieving his wand with his free hand. With a swift motion, he pressed the wand against Draco's neck, its Hawthorne tip pressed against Draco's pulse point. The sensation sent shivers down Draco's spine, making him acutely aware of the threat he was facing.
Draco panicked as Harry held him at wandepoint. He struggled against Harry's grip, but it was no use. Harry was too strong. Desperate, Draco reached into his pocket, attempting to retrieve his mother's wand, but Harry swiftly seized it before he could even react. In one swift motion, Harry snapped Draco's wand in half, tossing the broken pieces over the edge of the Astronomy Tower. Draco watched in horror as his wand plummeted to the ground below, his heart sinking with it.
The atmosphere grew heavy with tension as Draco stood there, now wandless, and vulnerable, facing the consequences of his actions. He was completely at Harry's mercy, uncertain of what would come next.
"That was cute," Harry remarked, referring to Draco's failed attempt to pull his wand out. "You still think that there is a way out of this. There isn't. You can't pull a wand on me, you can't overpower me, and you can't out magic me. So why are you even trying? There is nothing you could do that's gonna keep me from getting what I want. And like I said I won't leave until I get my answers. So, you have two choices" Harry continued, holding both his index finger and middle finger in front of Draco's face.
"Choice one is that I ask you one last time why you reacted that way when you thought I was dead, and you give me an HONEST answer," Harry explained in a stern voice. "Choice two" Harry started. Draco had a feeling he wasn't going to like choice two very much.
"I body bind you to this pillar" Harry gestured with his wand towards a nearby pillar.
"Then sneak into Umbridge's old office and steal a vial of Veritaserum from her old stash. Then I'll come back up here and force the serum down your throat. That way you will be forced to tell me the truth."
Draco looked at Harry in horror. He knew Harry was serious. He would force-feed him Veritaserum to get an honest answer. Draco should have known that taking on the Golden Boy would lead to his demise. After all, Harry had just defeated the Dark Lord just a few hours ago. Draco never stood a chance.
Harry interrupted Draco's thoughts. "I'm going to try choice one, one last time before we move on to choice two. Now why did you scream like that when you thought I was dead?" Harry's wand was still pointed at Draco's neck.
Draco swallowed hard, his heart pounding in his chest. It was obvious that he could no longer lie to Harry. He had been backed into a corner, and it was his only option. He was terrified to tell Harry the truth, but he also realized he had no other choice.
"Because I fucking love you," Draco finally blurted out, his voice laced with emotion. "I fucking love you ok. I've loved you for a really long time and when I saw that oaf, hauling your lifeless body through the great forest, it broke me. I was devastated, distraught - I felt like my whole damn world was crumbling around me. I felt like I was dying too. My legs literally gave out. I couldn't even hold my own body weight up anymore with how much pain I was in. I've never been so distraught, and I've been through a lot of shit in my life. Seeing you like that though, was the worst thing that has ever happened to me." Draco's voice cracked as silent tears streamed down his face.
Harry's entire being froze as Draco's confession hung in the air. Time seemed to stand still as he absorbed the weight of those words. But gradually a flicker of understanding illuminated his eyes.
He removed his wand from Draco's neck and slipped it back into his boot. With gentle release he removed his hand from Draco's chest, allowing him to move freely.
Draco slid down the wall, no longer able to stand. He sat on the cold stone tiles and drew his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them as if seeking comfort within his own embrace. Resting his hands on his knees, he took a deep breath, attempting to steady his racing heart and calm the storm of emotions that raged within him.
The weight of his revelation lingered in the air, leaving him feeling exposed and vulnerable. He had guarded this secret with his life for years, never uttering a word to anyone. The burden of carrying it alone for all that time had become an overbearing weight, steadily chipping away at his spirit. But now, as he finally revealed his true feelings, he realized that life continued. The earth still turned, the sun still shone, and it wasn't as catastrophic as he had feared.
A strange sense of liberation washed over Draco, like a prisoner released from the confines of their cell. It was an unfamiliar sensation; one he hadn't anticipated. In the depths of his soul, he had yearned for the courage to share his truth, and now that he had, newfound freedom beckoned him. The thousand-pound anchor that had kept him bound to secrecy was finally lifted from his shoulders, allowing him to breathe a sigh of relief.
Harry on the other hand paced back and forth in front of Draco, lost in his thoughts. He had somewhat anticipated Draco's answer but hearing it straight from his mouth was still hard to fathom. How could Draco love him? It seemed impossible. With disbelief etched on his face, Harry locked eyes with Draco. "How is this possible?" he questioned, seeking some semblance of understanding.
Draco let out a sigh, his expression filled with a mixture of resignation and vulnerability. "I don't know, Potter," he responded, his voice tinged with sincerity. "It's just how I feel."
Harry stumbled over his words; his confusion evident in his wavering voice. "I'm having trouble wrapping my head around this, Draco. What exactly do you mean by loving me? Is it liking a friendship kind of love, like you love me as a friend?" He stumbled through his sentence, desperately seeking clarification.
Draco rolled his eyes, a flicker of irritation crossing his face. Leave it to Potter to misinterpret his heartfelt love confession as a mere declaration of friendship. "No, not like friends," he retorted, his tone tinged with annoyance. "You think I want to fuck my friends?"
Harry's breath caught in his throat as Draco's blunt response hit him like a gust of wind. He couldn't help but gasp, completely caught off guard by the unexpected directness of Draco's words. "Draco," Harry whispered, his voice filled with surprise.
Draco let out a resigned sigh, his shoulders slumping in defeat. "This isn't fair, Potter" he muttered, his tone laced with frustration. "I didn't want to tell you. You shouldn't have forced me to. I could have spared us both from this incredibly awkward situation. If only you had just fucked off when I told you to."
Feeling a mix of emotions Harry let out a deep sigh and slowly settled down beside Draco. Leaning his back against the same wall, he stretched out his legs, nearly brushing against Draco's. The air crackled with tension, but Harry couldn't bear to see Draco in such distress, not when he was the cause of it. With a gentle nudge and a reassuring smile, he spoke softly, "Listen I know you don't like talking about your feelings but I'm happy that you told me."
Draco glared at Harry. "That's great Potter but I don't give a fuck about your happiness. You shouldn't have forced me to say that. People are allowed to have secrets. People get to choose what they disclose versus what they don't. It's called free will. And you just took mine away from me" He growled, his voice dripping with frustration.
Harry met Draco's gaze, with a guilty expression. He had to make this better somehow. Had to make Draco not regret his confession. "Listen, I understand why you didn't want to tell me. You were afraid that I would be angry with you, but I'm not. I'm ok with this."
Draco rolled his eyes at Harry, he was so clueless "I'm not afraid of you Potter. I don't care if you get angry with me, you're angry with me all the time. I didn't want to tell you because I wanted to avoid this" Draco motioned between the two of them with his hands. "I wanted to spare us from this awkward, painful, and unnecessary rejection."
Harry smirked at him "Well first of all you are at least a little afraid of me." Harry said with a chuckle to try and lighten the mood. Draco didn't take the bait.
Harry cleared his throat "And second of all this isn't a rejection" Harry asserted, his tone firm and determined.
Draco froze at Harry's statement. Now this was unexpected. Draco felt his heart pick up speed at Harry's words. Could it be possible? Was Harry implying what Draco hoped he was implying? Suppressing his excitement, Draco shook his head as if trying to clear his thoughts. He knew better than to jump to conclusions. He needed clarification from Harry before allowing himself to get his hopes up. Raising his head from his knees, Draco looked directly at Potter and asked with a weary tone, "It's not?
"No, it's not," Harry reaffirmed, crawling out from his spot next to Draco and moving to sit in front of him. He wanted to have a sincere conversation to make Draco understand. "Well, I don't love you back," he began, his words careful yet firm.
Draco's expression hardened, his glare murderous as he growled at Harry, "You think I don't know that you cruel son of a bitch. You didn't need to tell me that. I get it. If you had half a fucking brain, you would realize that I don't need…"
"Oh my god, would you let me finish?" Harry loudly interrupted, his patience wearing thin. Draco was such a brat when he didn't get his way. "Let me finish my sentence before you start lashing out like a crazy person," he added, his voice tinged with exasperation. Harry took a deep breath, collecting himself, determined to soldier on.
"As I said, I don't love you," Harry continued, his words carefully chosen. He furrowed his eyebrows, a touch of uncertainty crossing his features. "But that doesn't mean I couldn't grow to love you," he admitted, his voice tinged with vulnerability. Harry realized the weight of his statement and attempted to backtrack slightly. "Wait, actually... Love is a really strong word," he stumbled, searching for the right way to express himself. "So, let's start with 'like.' What I mean is, it doesn't mean I couldn't learn to "like" you. I'm saying I am open to giving us a try and potentially working my way up to feeling the same way. " he clarified.
Draco's eyes went wide, a mix of surprise and hope flooding his face. The mere idea of Harry possibly liking him sent a surge of excitement through his veins, his heart pounding in his chest. He couldn't believe what he was hearing; it exceeded his wildest expectations. "What are you saying?" he managed to utter, his voice trembling with cautious anticipation. Each word hung in the air, teetering on the edge of his fragile emotions. "Are you saying that you want to try dating?" Draco's smile, though restrained, hinted at the sheer desperation he felt to hear Harry confirm his intentions.
"Ummm no," Harry responded, his words deflating Draco's hopeful expression. "I think that might be too advanced for us. We don't get along" he admitted, his voice filled with hesitation.
Draco's hopeful expression appeared back on his face. Harry's concerns were hardly a big deal. If not getting along was the only thing causing Harry's hesitation, then Draco felt it was an easy fix. "Well, that's hardly a big deal Harry. We could work on getting along better," he interjected, his voice determined. "We could make this work, Harry," he added with confidence.
Harry shook his head, the weight of the situation evident in his voice. "We can't just jump into dating, Draco," he explained gently. "I think we should start by trying to be friends."
Draco's expression shifted to one of confusion. "Friends?" he repeated.
"Yeah, what do you think?" Harry asked.
Draco gave Harry a bewildered look. "What in the actual hell are you talking about? Friends?" Draco said in a horrified expression "You just said that you were open to trying with me and now you just want to be friends. How is that even going to work? No. I don't want that. I can't. I don't. I can't be your friend. Not after I just admitted to being in love with you. Being friends is a fucking awful idea, Potter. It's more painful than being your nemesis. I won't do it.
Harry defended his standpoint, a hint of exasperation in his voice. "Well, first off you give yourself entirely too much credit. You're hardly my 'nemesis'" he said in air quotes. "Voldemort was my nemesis, you're a bratty little nuisance at best. And second off you just proved my point. All you ever do is yell at me, curse me out, and call me names. That's no way to start a relationship. We need to work on being friends before anything more because as of right now you can't even have a civil conversation with me without throwing a tantrum." Harry claimed.
Draco stared at him with a disgusted look in his eye "When did you turn into such a pussy? Are you a girl now? Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden? We have to be civil to one another to be together. I can't yell at you now; I can't curse at you now. Are you serious? We're not like that and we don't need to be. Civility is for business partners. Is that what we are? Are you the minister of magic and I one of your loyal subjects? Is this some sort of professional environment where…"
Harry cut Draco's rant off. "Draco, being nice to your partner is like the bare minimum of any relationship," Harry explained slowly in a tone one would use when explaining simple concepts to a toddler.
"Why? My parents aren't nice to each other, and they've been married for 30 years" Draco responded.
"You want to take relationship advice from a man that tried to kill me multiple times and a woman whose psychotic sister killed my godfather?"
"Oh, I'm sorry. Should we be taking relationship advice from your parents instead?" Draco retorted.
Harry glared at him. "See this is exactly what I'm talking about. You're such a fucking asshole. Why would you even say that? Do you think I want to be with someone that says stuff like that to me? You think I want to be with someone that treats me like shit" Harry replied angrily.
"Oh, I treat you like shit, Do I?" Draco asked.
"Yeah, you do" Harry responded.
"Well, you treat me like shit too and you don't see me holding a grudge" Draco responded.
"That's not true at all" Harry glared.
Draco glared at Harry right back. "Get off your fucking high horse Potter. It's not all on me. All you've said so far is how much of an asshole I am. How I'm a brat and I'm cruel and so so very mean to you. But you are the exact same fucking way. You're just as much of an asshole to me as I am to you. If not worse."
Harry reeled back as if slapped at Draco's statement "In what world am I worse than you? The shit that you say to me, I wouldn't even dream of saying to you," he retorted. "Besides I'm only mean to you to defend myself. You're the one that always starts it" he pointed at Draco "Not the other way around."
Draco shook his head in response. "You may not have as sharp of a tongue as me, but you're extremely violent and you have a horrible temper," he countered dismissively.
Harry's brows furrowed as he locked eyes with Draco. His confusion at Draco's words was written all over his face. Was there any truth to them? Did he truly possess a violent and uncontrollable temper? He shook his head as if it would clear his thoughts. He was determined to defend himself "No," Harry's voice quivered slightly as he attempted to convey his point.
"It's not like that. I'm not like that. I only become aggressive when you constantly push me to my limits. It's always a reaction, a result of you taking things too far." Harry's words spilled out, his tone increasingly frantic as he sought reassurance, desperately wanting to believe in his own narrative. But deep down, uncertainty gnawed at him. Was Draco, right? Was he worse than him?
Draco raised an eyebrow in response to Harry's remarks, his expression calm and resolved. He couldn't help but wonder who Harry was truly trying to convince – Draco or himself. "So, I provoke you, and that's your excuse for your uncontrollable violent temper?" Draco's voice remained steady, reflecting a stark contrast to Harry's growing agitation.
"It's not an excuse, it's the truth," Harry retorted, his voice tinged with a mix of defensiveness and frustration. "You're violent too, you know. Remember when you broke my nose on the Hogwarts Express last year?"
Draco nodded slowly, his face unchanging. "Yes, I did that. I broke your nose. A nose you had repaired within minutes. But let's not forget you beat the shit out of me during the Quidditch match in fifth year. Two people couldn't pull you off me, and I could barely walk for a week afterward. And last year, in the bathroom, you tried to kill me. You tore my body apart, ripped my chest wide open, and then you watched me bleed out. I spent two weeks in the hospital wing, recovering." Draco's voice remained eerily calm, his words painting a picture of Harry's cruelty.
Harry's head shook violently, his desperate denial mirroring his growing internal turmoil. He didn't want to believe Draco's words, refusing to accept that he might be the more volatile one in their relationship. But with each statement Draco made, Harry's own conviction wavered.
"No, no, no!" Harry's voice cracked as he shook his head vehemently. "You started that fight on the Quidditch field. You were making fun of the Weasleys and my mother, knowing how much it upsets me. And the bathroom... that was different. It was an accident. I wasn't trying to kill you; I didn't know what that spell did. I would never have used it if I knew." Harry stumbled through his words, his attempts at justification falling short as he struggled to reconcile his actions.
"You provoke me on purpose," Harry continued, desperation seeping into his voice. "You know bringing up my parents is a sore spot for me, yet you always try to use it against me. Even today. You've brought them up what - three times already?"
"Oh, you want to talk about the things that happened today do you?" Draco asked, his voice tinged with a touch of sarcasm. "Let's not forget that you choked me."
"You said you wished Voldemort found a way to kill me!" Harry shot back, his finger pointing inches away from Draco's nose.
"That's just words, Potter. You broke my wand in half so that I couldn't defend myself against you," Draco calmly recollected.
"You told me to go kill myself!" Harry's words rang out, his voice cracking with anguish as he relived the memory.
"And you spat in my face!" Draco retaliated, his calm demeanor never faltering.
"ALRIGHT!" Harry's voice erupted, his heart pounding. He put his head in his hands, suddenly unable to look at Draco. He didn't want to hear another word. The reminder that he had spat in Draco's face struck him with the force of a punch to his face. The realization of his actions was painful, both physically and emotionally. It was undeniably one of the lowest things he had ever done. An overwhelming wave of guilt washed over him.
Draco was right. Harry couldn't deny it any longer. He was worse than Draco had ever been. While Draco might have been mean and enjoyed pulling tasteless pranks on Harry, Harry's temper was a raging inferno. He had caused Draco immeasurable pain throughout the years, leaving scars in his wake. And yet, in the face of it all, Draco somehow loved him. Draco still wanted to fight for him.
Harry couldn't understand it. The thought of being loved by Draco left him both distraught and awestruck. How could Draco love him after all they had done to each other? Harry removed his hands from his eyes and looked back up at Draco. He was still sitting with his back against the wall staring at Harry. Watching him battle his inner demons. "I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have done any of that to you. I should never attack you or hurt you. I shouldn't have spit in your face. That was wrong. And I will never do that again. I swear" Harry said.
Draco gave Harry a small smile "It's ok Harry. I'm not upset. I was just trying to prove a point. And for what it's worth I'm sorry too. I don't actually mean half the shit I say to you, and you should know that. I obviously don't want you to kill yourself. That would devastate me and probably send me into cardiac arrest." Draco responded.
Harry nodded at Draco accepting his apology.
"So now that we have established that we will never be friends, do you want to give us a shot?" Draco asked tentatively.
Harry looked at Draco with a horrified expression. Were they just having the same conversation? He thought the argument made clear that they were entirely too hostile to engage in any kind of relationship with each other. Not as friends and not as boyfriends. "Draco, I think we just proved that a relationship with us would never work," Harry said.
"No, we proved we can't be friends," Draco said. Harry looked at him like he was crazy.
"C'mon the best relationships flourish on this kind of passion" Draco explained.
"No Draco. We can't. I don't want to be in a relationship with someone that treats me like shit. And I don't want to be someone that treats their partner like shit. I don't want to abuse you" Harry tried to explain.
"I don't care" Draco cut Harry off
"You don't care about what?" Harry asked.
"I don't care that you treat me like shit. I want to be with you. You said you were open to this. So be open to it" Draco said.
Harry rubbed his hands in his eyes. He should have never said that he was open to a relationship with Draco because he was holding on to that statement for dear life. "Listen if we start dating, I want us to have a healthy relationship, not a toxic one. I understand that you don't care one way or the other, but I do. I need therapy I think, and so do you for that matter. We need to fix ourselves before we can even think about being together" Harry explained.
Draco banged his head against the wall behind him in frustration. This wasn't turning out the way he had hoped. "But," Harry said, interrupting Draco's thoughts. 'You were right about one thing, we do have passion."
Draco tilted his head to the side. Fixing Harry with a confused stare. "What do you mean?" Draco questioned.
" I mean I can't imagine myself in a relationship with you right now. Especially because we do not get along. I think you're an intolerant slimy git and apparently, I'm a violent asshole with a temper problem. But at the same time, I think you're smart. You're extremely clever and witty. You never back down from a challenge even when you're clearly going to lose. And as much as I hate fighting with you, I do love putting you in your place. Also, I'm not blind." Harry added with a final thought.
With a gentle touch, he reached out his hand to cup Draco's face, his fingers tucking a stray piece of hair behind his ear. Their eyes locked an electric connection forming between them. "I think you're a beautiful, beautiful boy," he whispered, "I've always thought so."
Draco's breath hitched at Harry's words. He looked into Harry's eyes and saw them almost darken to mint green with lust. He looked like a predator. And Draco was all too happy to be his prey.
"Before when you told me you loved me you mentioned something about wanting to fuck. Is that something that you still want because I do? I want to fuck you" Harry said.
Draco was suddenly breathless at Harry's request. He couldn't believe this was happening. He rubbed his legs together. His arousal suddenly became painful under his robes. "You want to fuck me?" he asked hopefully.
"Definitely" Harry responded, not taking his eyes off Draco. "As you said, we have passion." Harry reasoned.
Draco simply nodded his head. Too awestruck to say a word.
"You told me what you want so I'm going to tell you what I want. I don't want the cocky, slimy, bigoted, mean, evil version of you. I don't like you when you're like that. I want you the way you are right now. Vulnerable and honest. This is the version of you that I want to see laid underneath me. I want to see you naked. I want to be inside you. I want to explore every inch of you. I want to see you desperate and needy and submissive. That's what I want." Harry explained.
"Yes Harry," Draco said desperately. Harry slowly moved his hand down to Draco's neck. Softly caressing the warm skin.
He grabbed the back of Draco's head and pulled him close. So, their lips were mere inches apart. "I'm going to kiss you first," he said enticingly. "Is that ok?"
Draco let out a desperate moan. 'Yes, Harry please, kiss me."
Harry pulled back slightly "I don't know Malfoy. You were such a brat today. I don't think you deserve it."
"Please Harry, I'm begging you," Draco said desperately.
"It doesn't sound like you're begging" He responded.
"Oh please please Harry I want it so bad." he moaned. Tears in his eyes from desperation. He didn't care how pathetic he sounded. How pathetic he looked. All his pride was tossed to the side as he was so close to the object of his desire. And he would be damned if he let a little thing like pride get in the way of getting what he always wanted. "I love you so much, Harry. I'm sorry for the things I said today. I was just lashing out. But I didn't mean any of it. I never do. I love you so much and I just want you so bad." Draco was crying audibly now. "Please, Harry. I..."
Harry closed the last inch of space between them and crashed their lips together.