Chapter Text
One thing was clear… Shi Qingxuan still wanted to die.
During her first two days at the temple, she refused to eat, refused to sleep, refused to even sit down. She tried to run to the canal, not to bathe the blood off of her body but to drown herself. She tried to climb a wall only to throw herself down, and tried to let herself fall in front of a running carriage but no matter what, someone held her back. Those vagrants… were surprisingly kind for people who could barely tend to themselves properly.
No matter how she begged them to let her join her Ge, they wouldn’t relent. They dismissed her tales about the murder of a family and a stolen fate as nonsense, and continued to bring her food and water and wait by her side until she ate.
Why why why why WHY?! She thought, clutching her knees to her chest, rocking. Feeling her sanity slipping, giving way to unbearable agony.
“Because you’re young! I’m already an old man, and when I’m even older, you’ll take care of me, right? That’s how families are. We give and take and give and take.” He brushed her matted bangs aside. “Don’t give up, okay? I had a daughter once. She would have been your age now. But a fever took her in childhood. Her mother was never the same, went to the river and never returned. Trust me, if you go now, the loved ones you left behind will hurt even more.”
“There’s no one left,” Shi Qingxuan whispered, shaking. “None…” It was a thousand lifetimes of suffering she caused to her own best friend. Now it was her turn. This life— in all of its anguish, was meant to be her first and her last. This was meant to be his revenge.
Something was wrong. He Xuan could feel it in his withering bones as something cried for him in the imperial capital. He wanted to sleep SO badly but he couldn’t resist the feeling of that pull. It made no sense, but then again, did anything?
Blearily, he gathered himself, dressed in some plain black, unassuming robes and dragged his feet from his domain back to the capital. He navigated the streets with familiarity. How many times had he been dragged here by that little nuisance who clung to him for centuries? How many times had he appeased her against his own conscience? How many times had he—
…
He couldn’t breathe— he knew didn’t need to, but the pain of suffocating was there as he found himself jumping over the railing of the bridge and onto a pebbly beach below.
No! No, no no NO! That little nuisance— couldn’t be— how DARE HE!
He Xuan reached for the body but felt something blocking him out, preventing him from coming closer.
A different sense kicked in. The Supreme Ghost King touched the barrier and felt the essence of a spirit. It was weak, and growing weaker despite such a mounting anger. It was… scared. Shi Qingxuan was mortal and yet the source of this barrier was no doubt her body.
He Xuan had to get to her. He had to destroy the barrier.
With just a small touch of his finger and a pulse of crushing resentful energy, he destroyed that pitiful barrier. A rebound fired back and struck his chest with enough force to crack a rib as he felt another’s cry of agony. He bent down and rolled SQX’s body over only to find a knife in her lower abdomen with her own hand wrapped around its handle.
“You dare to defy me?! Tch! You don’t get to die!” He Xuan cried, cradling her head as he moved to remove the knife. She had lost a lot of blood but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t replenish. But as soon as he touched the knife, he felt another angry burst of spiritual energy coming from Shi Qingxuan’s body.
He Xuan flinched where it stung his hand. “What—”
No… no… it…
He yanked the knife out quickly and cupped his hand over the wound, imbuing the flesh with spiritual energy to heal it enough to stop bleeding. And then he felt it… there was a second heartbeat in this body.
Where Shi Qingxuan’s heartbeat was weak, and fading, this one was beating fast, furious enough for both of them, fighting, trying to survive despite everything. He Xuan could almost feel its despair as it fought for both of their lives.
I don’t understand! Thought He Xuan as he bent over Shi Qingxuan, he touched his forehead to hers, transferring spiritual energy, taking over for that tiny spirit fighting in her belly. He weaved together the walls of burst veins, strained muscles, and torn skin, trying to heal everything he could find in her body.
I’m dead! I’ve been dead for centuries! How could I have done— this— and you—
He couldn’t stop his tears from falling into her hair as he cradled her body, willing her back to life despite her best attempts to escape it.
Why didn’t you tell me?
The second heart beat, nestled deep in Shi Qingxuan’s lower body, slowed significantly to the point where it was almost normal, almost calm. He Xuan lifted his head again when he felt Shi Qingxuan’s breathing become steady and then looked down at where his hand made contact with her belly. A child… there was a child there… one with some sort of power. He Xuan felt his chest tighten. If it did die… if that heartbeat stopped… if it became a cursed fetus…
He bit his lip, he would never forgive himself.
He Xuan tried to reach inside with his spiritual power and see— just in case— if this was a ghost fetus that had formed, it would be able to hear him.
“What do you want?” He asked, his voice cracking even in the private array.
No response.
“Were you trying to save her?”
Nothing.
“Are you—” mine?
Who was he kidding? It had been obvious. Shi Qingxuan had been in her female form for a while… since the Autumn Moon Festival at least…. But then again, she was often in her female form. She claimed it was more powerful, more beautiful, more disarming and charming and thus, more useful when they had to investigate problems in the mortal realm down below.
But when he thought about it, she would usually stay like that for a few days, or a few weeks. Never… had she stayed for so many months. He wanted to slam his head against a rock when he realized it. She was stuck. Even if she tried to change back, this creature inside of her would have fought back. It so clearly wanted to live— but for what?
“I’ll help you,” he decided. “Even if she never wants to see me again— and I don’t blame her— I’ll help you. It’s the least I can do.” He moved his hand in a circle over the Wind Master’s still flat abdomen and felt the second heart beat relax into a steady, healthy rhythm, one that resembled that of a normal baby. Relief washed over He Xuan. It was still alive.
“Oy! WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE?! You’re not allowed!”
“Wait— is that Lao Feng?!”
“Murder— MURDERER!”
He Xuan glared at them— he wanted to kill but also knew— they were good people— as helpless as they were to themselves…Shi Qingxuan would need them when she woke. She would need them when he let her go again.
With a snarl, he set her down slowly, and vanished from the mortal’s eye.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered in his spiritual array he set up between himself and the fetus. “I— I’ve messed up so much already— this time— I’ll do things right!”
He Xuan needed to get Shi Qingxuan off the streets. He needed to get her proper nutrition for the baby— if it died from malnourishment— and became just as angry as he felt it was that night, there was a high risk it could become a ghost spirit, and birthing it— would spell certain death for her. He Xuan needed to keep them both alive.
His clones were only so powerful. They wouldn’t last a long time with Shi Qingxuan’s presence literally grating away their essence with her radiance, however dim it has become in the wake of recent events. He had to go in person.
But Shi Qingxuan wouldn't want to see him after he killed her brother. Even though the Water Tyrant deserved death, He Xuan wished it didn’t have to involve Qingxuan.
Life as a vagrant was no longer an option for the time being, He Xuan decided. He needed to get a house, at least, and a way to feed Shi Qingxuan. He needed to steal her away.
Still, he never wanted to see such horror on her face ever again so kidnapping was not an option. He needed to— change.
He gritted his teeth and fought down the urge to scream as he donned the skin of a destitute vagabond. He could go to the temple, court her as an equal, ask for her hand in marriage and—
He shook his head, tearing at his hair, tearing those already shredded rags off of his body. No! No more false pretenses! No more disguises!
Shi Qingxuan didn’t deserve that— didn’t deserve any of that!
He Xuan bent over his reading table and let out a choked sob. If only he could ask Hua Cheng, but alas, Hua Cheng went and expended all of his spiritual energy in the last fight against Jun Wu, and fucking died for the what… fourth time?!
He Xuan screamed and threw everything from the table.
“What do women want?” the echo of Hua Cheng’s smug, arrogant voice sang in his head. “Safety, security, and good sex.”
“GAH SHUT UP!” He Xuan screamed again.
Safety— He Xuan was a Supreme Demon King— there wasn’t any god or ghost in the three realms that could best him in a physical or verbal altercation… except for maybe the Wind Master but— he shook his head. He could provide safety. Security— money? Stability?
In Hua Cheng’s absence, naturally, his husband inherited his everything, however, his Highness the Crown Prince didn’t think it would be appropriate for such a humble god to preside over Ghost City and the rest of the Ghost Realm, and so, Xie Lian passed on everything to He Xuan… all of those properties, and all of those assets, were his to use as he saw fit until Hua Cheng’s return. He could buy a house in a quiet, mortal city— and give Shi Qingxuan a nice place to live with a solid roof over her head and food on the table.
If the house was big enough… they wouldn’t even have to see each other. Yes. This could work.
He sent a few servants to scout potential places.
Lastly— He Xuan needed to get Shi Qingxuan away from the temple. His true form— the last time she saw it, was rightfully terrifying— but it wasn’t his only true form. That day, he dressed for war— he wanted to look like the Scholar He that was robbed of his fortune. He wanted to look as angry as he felt— and so he wore those sharp cuts with pointed shoulders, the silver waves that practically glowed.
But that wasn’t the only set of robes that he owned.
And so this time, the decided he could look more like a—
“Young Master! Over here!”
“Young Master! What brings you to this part of town?”
“Young Master! Are you in need of any laborers?”
“Young Master! Are you hosting a banquet?”
“Young Master! Are you building a new house?”
“Young Master—”
He Xuan ignored them all as he emerged from the golden carriage wearing one of the nicest sets of black robes that he owned. This one was embroidered with a few dark grey threads and a bit of gold in the hems depicting some unknown treasures lurking beneath the waves. He walked right up to the old man that many of the younger vagabonds looked up to in this place as their de facto leader.
“Young Master, how can we help you today?”
He Xuan bowed and then his head and forced a pleasant smile, his acting hiding the twisting knot in his stomach.
“I’m looking for a domestic servant to help with some more domestic duties in my household. Can you help me?” He Xuan asked, acutely aware of a gaggle of young women off to one side all whispering about just how stunning he was.
“Young Master, I could serve you very well if you let me!” One such woman yelled out.
“A Jiexue begone with you! Leave this young master alone!” The old man yelled. “What kind of domestic servant do you want? Some people here are really good at cooking, some really good at folding your clothes— but I’m afraid you wouldn’t want them touching your pretty robes.”
He Xuan chuckled as they walked towards a group of older women huddled around. They were likely more experienced in chores, more obedient, but He Xuan knew who he had his sights on.
“This one,” he said, turning to face Shi Qingxuan directly. She was leaning against a wall, ignoring the world around her as she stared at an empty place on the floor.
“Ah! Lao Feng? She— you don’t want her, Young Master. She’s” Shi Qingxuan winced at his words. It was subtle enough for no one to notice, but not subtle enough for He Xuan to miss. And it made him hurt. “She’s a bit weak— and— pregnant.”
He Xuan watched her closely— when the old master said pregnant, the wince was almost violent but smothered and it made He Xuan’s unbeating heart hurt.
“Even more reason she should be the one. The streets are no place for such a young woman,” he replied, bending down into a squat before her. He reached out and touched her chin gently, turning her face towards him.
At first, she only blinked, surprised to see someone so clean in their dilapidated temple, but then she saw him. He watched her eyes trace the curve of his ears, the arches of his brows and shape of his eyes and jose and mouth…. And she screamed.
“Get lost!” She shoved him away and then tried to run as fast as her one good leg could carry her.
He Xuan shielded his face and fell back onto his butt, thin silver chains hanging from his waist and his hair clanging lightly against each other.
“Qingxuan! I’m trying to help you!” He insisted, catching her in an instant and pulling her back.
“I don’t need your help!” She replied. “I’m FINE!”
“You’re not!” He Xuan snarled. He stabilized her by her shoulders and bent down by her ear and whispered. “You need food. You can’t live like this— the child—“
“Is none of your concern!” She tried to push him again but he held firm.
“Hey!” a woman yelled, grabbing He Xuan by the shoulder and spinning him around. “She doesn’t want to go with you, give it a rest!”
He Xuan glared at her. “And what right do you have to touch me?” He asked, taking her by the neck.
“Don’t hurt her!” Shi Qingxuan cried.
He Xuan tilted his head towards Shi Qingxuan, his false Young Master persona gone.
No! No! No! No! NO! He Xuan screamed in his head. This is all wrong! He could see the fear growing in Shi Qingxuan’s eyes as she kept her gaze fixed on his, that earlier defiance, replaced entirely.
“Then come away with me…” he ordered, keeping that woman’s neck firmly in place despite her best efforts to escape. “Willingly or unwillingly, it will make no difference.”
He cursed himself. It was coming out all wrong. What kind of choices were that?! He Xuan, shut up!
Shi Qingxuan bit her lip and stifled a sob. “Fine— I’ll go with you!”
He Xuan opened his hand and that woman ran, holding her own neck.
That was— fast.
“Just don’t hurt anyone else in front of me again.” She begged, quieter this time.
“I can make no such promises.” He Xuan replied, bending down to her again, this time to scoop her body into his arms. “And you are in no position to make such demands.” He looked down at her with a cruel, cold look that made her shiver violently in his arms.
It was like his armor. He tried to be kind once upon a time— and all it ever got him was exploited. No matter how hard he tried to be kind again— he reverted back to the same coldness that had served him well for so long in his death.
Nobody else dared to protest as he carried her back to his golden carriage and deposited her on the bench inside.
Only once one of his servants slid the curtains closed, did he close his eyes and rest his head on the wall behind him. He let out a sigh. When he looked back at the person across from him, dressed in rags and covered in cuts and bruises and lice, he wanted to cry.
Shi Qingxuan dug her fingers into the edge of the seat with so much force that her fingers turned white.
“Relax— I’m not going to eat you… tonight,” He Xuan replied in a futile attempt to be comforting.
“You killed my brother,” Shi Qingxuan choked out pointedly.
“He killed my sister.” He Xuan deadpanned, cold and sharp as ever.
Shi Qingxuan flinched. “Then why— why change your mind? Why didn’t you just let me die in that place? I wanted to die!”
“You don’t get to die until you’ve lived!” He Xuan yelled back at her.
“A life of suffering?”
“A life worth living.” He Xuan whispered, surprising even himself with his reply.
“…”
“…”
“I’ve lived for four hundred years and yet—“
“Tch!” He Xuan scoffed. “You call that living? Existing as a shadow of the Water Tyrant, with golden merits delivered to you on golden platters— Life is—”
“Something I’m sure you’re so familiar with considering you died at what— twenty?”
He Xuan’s brow twitched and he bared his teeth but Shi Qingxuan barely noticed in her rage.
“You’re dead! You’re dead because of me and so —“
“Yes! I’m dead! And YET somehow I did that to you!” He pointed at her stomach, unable to even look at it, opting to close his eyes with his face in the direction of the carriage window.
“This—“ Shi Qingxuan blinked, hand moving to where he was pointing, to her stomach, to her child.
She put her hand protectively over her womb. “Is that it then? You feel guilty?”
“So what if I do? What do you care?”
Suddenly, something shifted. Shi Qingxuan’s initial fear, that had turned to anger, morphed back into fear— a fear far greater than before— a fear almost like when—
“After I’ve had this child what—“ she choked, “—are you going to do? Take her from me?”
“No,” he Xuan answered quickly, with certainty.
“Then what? Do you intend for us to raise her together and pretend we’re a happy family?”
“I don’t know,” He Xuan replied, watching her closely for any attempts at self harm.
“Then what do you know?” Shi Qingxuan asked.
“Only that neither it nor you can die.” He Xuan replied firmly. “Not yet. I promised that much to her already— when I found you guys by the river. I don’t care if you want to leave after you’ve had her, but not before.”
“And what right do you have to decide what to do with my life?” Shi Qingxuan demanded.
“Is the fate you still hold inside not mine?” He Xuan inquired.
Shi Qingxuan lowered her head and He Xuan lifted his eyes, waiting for another one of her words to stab him like a thousand knives, but none came.
After a minute of silence, He Xuan let out a sigh and leaned against the wall of the carriage again.
It was funny. No matter how the tree craved the calm, the wind never ceased to rise.