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When You’re Usually Neat But Your Mind is On the Rocks

Summary:

Down in Camp Tipiskaw, Alec, the Librarian, has a plan to outplay all the other campers in this wretched competition and secure the million dollar prize for himself. Swatting up on his plans while his team was obliviously enjoying themselves was just one of the many ways he was doing that. What could anyone do to stop this mastermind studying up on their manipulation skills and steamrolling the game?

Add one useless toff. And Vodka.

Notes:

This fic is a one-shot. If it wasn't apparent by the summary.

I do not own any of the characters in this fic, all trademarks present are property of Odd Nation Cartoons.

Rated Teen for themes of excessive alcohol consumption and innuendo.

Work Text:

It was sickeningly peaceful on the grounds of Camp Tipiskaw. Where merely an hour ago there been chaos and strife now gave to birds chirping happily in the raised branches and woodland creatures skittering along the worn dirt paths. The smell of deciduous leaves and budding flowers quickly overtook the lingering miasma of...whatever materials were being used in the last challenge.

Most of the campers on the Purple Team had gone to the lake to wash off and freshen up. There they had fun and socialised, or simply reflected on the day’s events after yet another win. The laughter and joy could be heard echoing across the campsite. Perhaps even the occasional splash when a camper jumped into the water.

Alec wasn’t at the lake. Alec was sat in the team’s tent, somewhat exhausted. The only scent around him was that of some well-used books, his own cologne (reapplied to cover up the perspiration) and a weathered canvas sheet. He hadn’t paid much mind to the team’s victory; this wasn’t a great feat, they were just that much better than the opposition in terms of team cohesion.

While the Teal team were picking their next boot, his team had been granted a reward; anything of their choosing that they really wanted with them. Truthfully they’d been made to select their prizes before the season had even started, and the framing was just Trevor’s ruse to add more entertainment factor. Regardless, the three books he’d picked were in his possession, adding to the arsenal of knowledge he had at his disposal.

So at that moment, Alec had his head down in one of the books. He was transfixed on each word of the page, absorbing their information with a fervour sealed behind his content expression. Being the chess master he was, these books were all regarding social psychology. He was going to make certain he could play everyone else like the pawns they were.

A soft crunch of canvas broke his concentration.

This annoyed him greatly. If there was anything he liked less it was someone disturbing him while he was in the middle of studying. Obviously Fiore must have gotten bored of hanging out at the lake and wanted to come back to write in that little notebook of hers. He admonished the unwanted guest without so much as a twitch of acknowledgement.

“Back so soon, little girl? I thought a child like you would want to play in the water longer than that” he interrogated dismissively.

“Heh, that’s quite a way to greet your team” the trespasser responded.

Upon recognition of that obnoxious British accent, Alec forced himself to stop reading and turn his head towards the person talking to him. Sure enough, standing there was Nick, sans his trademark hat. Now that did surprise him. The grin plastered on his face suggested that he was up to something.

“In that case, I thought you’d be attempting to court Lill with this opportunity” he probed.

“That’s because I’ve got a proposition for you!”

Alec couldn’t even respond before Nick took an object from behind his back. It was a fairly large box, how he was hauling it around when he whined about hauling luggage was beyond Alec’s understanding. Nick was looking at him expectantly, and his curiosity couldn’t help but oblige.

The box itself was plain brown packaging, rather unremarkable. There were black elastics keeping the box together, and under one of the straps was a large ‘FRAGILE’ label. The only adornment of note was a white piece of paper loosely taped to the box. Upon inspection it was an invoice that ran into the hundreds of dollars.

And Nick was just carrying this around? Alec winced internally.

“You spared no expense, I see. I’m surprised the producers signed off on such a budget sinkhole.”

“Oh, I paid up front for it. Had some labour expenses to pay for as well. Worth the cost, though!”

Alec merely grunted in reply. He took another glance at Nick, his stare conveying the next question he had for him. Nick clearly understood as he nodded approvingly. With that, he set about opening the box up. Not that it was hard, the two elastic straps were barely even enough to hold the box shut. Nick would honestly be lucky if whatever was inside was in one piece. When the straps were off, he discarded them to one side, then lifted the lid of the box to survey the contents.

What greeted him upon opening was...bottles? The first thing that caught his eye was a hefty bottle of vodka laid down the centre of the package. Other smaller bottles with different spirits were strewn around it. They appeared to be there to mix with the vodka. After removing the alcohol, this suspicion was confirmed as there was also equipment in the box on the layer below; a cocktail shaker, a muddler, multiple types of strainer, pour spouts.

Nick was serious about this, wasn’t he.

After another moment of careful inspection, he turned to Nick again. “A vodka cocktail kit? Derek and Trevor were willing to sign off on this?”

“To be honest, I don’t think they know what’s in it” Nick retorted with a dry chuckle.

*************************************************************************************************************************************************

“Actually, we do know what’s in it” Trevor stated smugly to the confessional camera, “But we weighed up the risks with how good it would be for the ratings. And audiences looooove when posh people go off the rails!” The last part was emphasised with closed fists being held to his chest in excitement.

 

**************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

“...And you couldn’t have this at home, because…?” Alec queried. It seemed strange to insist on having all of this here when it would be much safer to use in an actual residence.

Alec then noticed Nick’s perky demeanour somewhat dampen. He supposed he’d hit on a sore spot.

Nick sighed. “I can’t. My parents...they watch what I do carefully, and they’re very firm on me not doing anything they deem dangerous or ‘unbecoming of a gentlemen’ in their words.”

“And anything dangerous would be…”

“Everything, pretty much, yeah…”

There was a moment of awkward silence between them. Nick didn’t seem to want to delve further. While Alec did feel a twinge of sympathy for him, it wasn’t enough to offer any words. He wasn’t the emotional type, after all. Showing vulnerability was rife to be exploited.

Nick seemed to regain some energy finally. “Sometimes, when they go out overnight, I’ll invite nearby folks over for parties where they go wild. It’s nice to be in an event without having to act as a socialite, even if I’m not allowed to drink.”

“You invite them?” Alec interjected doubtfully.

“Fine, I pay them to go” Nick reacted sharply, “and I pay the staff to clean up before my parents get back in the morning.”

“I see.”

Nick’s tone became more reminiscent. “One time, at this pool party I held last summer, I was sitting at the bar alone. I think I was arranging some formal wear for a social event or whatever. Anyway, I got bored with that and just sat there. I saw the bartender prepare an order...I couldn’t stop watching, the finesse he had with the glasses and the alcohol. I was impressed.”

Alec supposed that made sense for someone with a sheltered upbringing, albeit it was a bit on the pathetic side. It’s not like he’d ever done the same thing when in bars, ignoring the revelling of his fellow students during the university Fresher’s week where he’d been dragged out on the bar crawl against his will…

Never mind.

“So since then, I’ve been aching to try it out for myself, see if I can get a new skill.” Nick continued. “There’s no way I could do it at home, not with them watching me so close. This place is my best chance to do what I want for once.”

“In that case, why approach me about it? You know I don’t engage myself in this sort of tomfoolery, if your proposition is what I suspect.” Alec asked bluntly.

Nick gave no rebuttal to his suspicion. “Simple, really; Fiore’s a kid, Ashley and Lill have already said they want to be role models for her, and Will is Will.”

Nick let out a short laugh. Alec was barely able to prevent himself doing the same. He instead kept his neutral look and continued to press Nick on the matter.

“And what of Ellie? She told us she tends bar as her current profession. Surely she would be a better candidate for testing your work if that’s what you’re after.”

“Already asked. Wants nothing to do with the stuff, even when she’s not the one tending. You’re the only other person here who can.”

He finally had a full explanation. Alec couldn’t help but let a twinge of exasperation colour his expression. Judging by Nick’s pleading face, he didn’t have much of a choice in the matter. Not if he wanted to keep on his teammates’ favourable side.

He grimaced as he gave his answer. “Fine. You’re fortunate that tomorrow isn’t a challenge day or I’d say you were trying to sabotage my game.”

Nick seemed pleased at the response, even with the mild threat it carried. He immediately crouched down on the floor and started to get equipment from out of the box.

“Didn’t think you took me as smart enough to do that, thanks Alec.” As excited as he was, it was obvious he wasn’t going to let Alec walk all over him. Alec rolled his eyes at him as he sat up for the task now at hand.

“What do you usually like to drink?” Nick asked as he pulled out some of the spirits.

“I make sure to intake only water on a regular basis. Anything else contains an incredibly unhealthy amount of sugar for long-term health.” As awkward as it was, Alec was being completely truthful. Being awkward was a bonus though.

“Good on you, but there isn’t a water-flavoured cocktail I can whip up. Is there anything else at all?” Nick retorted, visibly annoyed.

Alec hummed as he thought to himself. “I suppose on special occasions I don’t mind a good Grenache, preferably dry. Perhaps an aged Tempranillo if I’m feeling particularly daring.”

He watched as Nick immediately set about working, throwing some ice from a before-unseen cooling container into the shaker. There seemed to be a lot of time spent observing each bottle to decide on what cocktail he’d serve as an opener. It was only when Nick had made a decision that Alec started talking again.

“Vodka doesn’t strike me as the type of spirit that would be ideal for a wine-drinker” he mused, watching Nick pour some vodka into the shaker after measuring it out.

“This is French vodka, made with grape and produced with the expertise of established winemakers. Don’t worry, I didn’t cheap out on anything here.” Alec was mildly impressed at Nick’s response. Doubly so when he poured cranberry juice and triple sec into the shaker simultaneously with precision.

“Is bartending something you’re looking at as a career prospect, then?” Alec changed the subject, feeling somewhat drawn in by Nick’s enthusiasm.

Nick finished squeezing the lime he had in the strainer before discarding the fruit and pouring the remaining juice from the measuring ceramic into the shaker. “Nah, just a hobby I want to brush up on, really. I’m not sure what I want to do career-wise”

Nick shook the shaker vigorously. The concentration was etched on his brow, making sure he’d mixed the concoction thoroughly. When he’d finished, he took out two cocktail glasses from the box and began to pour the liquid into them through another strainer.

“You can afford private education, have you thought of reskilling yourself to improve occupational prospects? If you can move out from under your parents’ heel, I mean.” Alec let his experience as a supportive librarian do the talking as Nick coated the rims of the glasses with lemon. The wedges were then set on firmly.

“Maybe. But right now you need to drink up!”

Alec was handed a cocktail. He watched as Nick took his drink with no hesitation at all. He pondered his carefully; he didn’t know where he’d sourced the ice or fruit, they weren’t in the box. And had he made sure that the fruit was even fit for consumption? Then again, they were already eating the food in the camp without these checks. Surely it couldn’t be any worse than that…

He finally worked up the nerve to take a decent sip of the cocktail in his hand. He brought the drink to his lips, knowing Nick was watching this in anticipation. Carefully, he drew it into his mouth, making sure none of the flavour hit his palate until he withdrew the glass and he was ready to give it a full verdict.

The very first thing that hit him was the fruity body of the taste. The succulent sweetness of the dominant red berry delighted his taste buds to a degree he was reluctant to admit. The citrus-derived tartness quickly accompanied that saccharine sensation to balance it out refreshingly. All of this was complemented by the kick that came from the vodka itself.

For a complete novice, Nick could make a mean cocktail.

Alec had planned to keep this to himself and call it merely sufficient, to keep Nick’s ego in check. Unfortunately, as he was finishing the sip off he heard himself let out an involuntary murmur of satisfaction. So much for hiding that.

“So you liked it then?” Nick smirked. For such an air-head, he sure pounced on that moment of weakness without fail.

“Alright, I suppose your skills with this are higher than I had predicted.” Alec still desperately tried to play it down still, even if it wasn’t enough to do much of anything.

“Will you want more after that glass? I made enough for another each.”

“Please”

Why did he say that.

He finished off his drink in a matter of a few minutes, savouring the taste as it refreshed his senses once again. When it was done, he automatically held out his glass for a refill, and Nick was happy to oblige that request. The second went down just as nicely as the first.

Alec couldn’t notice it, but the effects were already starting to seep in.

At this point, Nick had run out of the original drink, so he was mixing another experiment together. This one was very different from the first, with the vodka lined up with rhubarb syrup, vanilla liqueur, ginger and some sort of sugar substitute.

Alec gazed on as Nick worked his stuff once again. The speed and precision of the hands were especially captivating as ingredients were measured, strained and grated with finesse. After another thorough shake-up, another cocktail was in their glasses, complete with a half-strawberry garnish.

There was no hesitation this time, Alec took a sip of his drink at exactly the same time as Nick. This mix was far sweeter than the first. Instead of being predominantly fruit-bodied, it tasted like a playful fruit dessert. Now he wasn’t being so fussy, he could appreciate how it nourished his sweet tooth in a way he didn’t even know he wanted.

Unbeknownst to him, Nick had already downed his drink and was now watching him with a satisfied smile on his face.

Nick had only made enough for one each of that one so it went down quickly. At this point, both men were visibly affected by the alcohol. They were still pretending they were sober. Nick was determined to keep practising, so he grabbed the vodka again along with a carton of orange juice from inside the box. It was mixed with the same thoroughness of the last two. Alec took note of the fact Nick’s movements were a lot more careless this time around.

“That’s a screwdriver, that is, can’t go wrong with it” Nick chimed in as Alec was busy drinking his fill. It tasted nice, sure, but more pressing was the warm buzz that now pulsed through his body. He was able to keep himself composed for the most part, which was more than could be said for Nick. Made sense with his lack of experience with alcohol.

“Ugh, I thought it was supposed to be colder at night, it’s too warm in here. Let me just get my jacket off…” Nick grumbled as Alec was finishing his drink. Nick struggled to get the open jacket off his sleeves with any semblance of elegance. He got it down with a jerk, and tossed it without regard to anything around him.

He went straight back to working the mixer. Or at least, he tried to. As Alec had predicted, Nick was so inebriated that his co-ordination was practically non-existent. He fumbled with the vodka for a moment before the mixer was knocked over in the process. Upon realisation that he was not in a state to do any more, the vodka was too discarded in frustration. Nick hadn’t even bothered to seal the bottle first.

“I thought I was doing so well with that…”

“You showed some impressive skill there” Alec interrupted, aiming to uplift his teammate a little. He didn’t realise his filter wasn’t exactly working as it should. “If you showed that much skill with anything regarding survival you probably wouldn’t need the help of the others so much.”

“You think I don’t know that!?” Nick snapped. Alec now knew he’d made a mistake. “I’m being outdone in the game by a six-year-old! You think that doesn’t cross my mind every time I fail at a basic task? I admire Lill because she’s so good at everything, I want to learn this stuff so I can finally be independent, I don’t need you to rub it in!”

Alec had backed up in shock, eyes wide behind his glasses. He saw Nick exhale heavily once he was done and tensed up. It was a moment later that he seemed to notice what he had done to him. Alec was surprised when Nick panicked upon realisation.

“I’m sorry, Alec!” Nick dashed over to embrace him in an effort to offer support. “I didn’t mean to lash out like that, I was just irritated and confused…” From what little Alec could see of his face, he was almost to the point of tears. The inability to regulate his emotions definitely indicated this was his first time being drunk. Not that he had ever been, either.

“It’s alright, I should have been more thoughtful in these circumstances.” he responded as he eased out of the embrace.

In truth, despite the tone of his rant being frightful, Alec enjoyed seeing Nick’s self-reflective side. With so many campers there who had no interest in self-examination, seeing him so candidly address his flaws, especially with that slightly unkempt look...he quickly shook that last thought off, focusing on the intellectual side.
“Thanks.” Nick said calmly. An assurance that he wasn’t going to relapse into that spirit-fuel anger soon at least.

Alec continued to think about Nick. He’d never thought about his own strict upbringing in too much depth. He preferred to avoid it really. But hearing Nick’s frustration at the control and restrictions placed on his life, he couldn’t help compare it to his own parents, when they had made him the model student growing up, with the best private education money could afford. Even to the extent of drilling into him that emotions were for the weak. He’d managed to wrestle control of his independence when he pursued further education, but those teachings still stuck with him to this day.

It was dawning on him that, perhaps, they were both birds sharing a gilded cage.

“You look hot there” Nick slurred out, derailing what remained of the lingering reflection. Alec flinched. For the first time he could feel his composure start to crumble with the dizzy water in his system. Surely Nick wasn’t so brazen when he’d indicated no such inclination before...

“Excuse me?!”

“Yeah, looks like you’re sweating, maybe you should take off the sweater?”

There, that made much more sense. Why his mind had defaulted to a more abstract interpolation of that statement eluded him. So he told himself.

Still, he couldn’t disagree that the warmth he felt was getting rather uncomfortable.

“I suppose that would help, aye.”

With a swift movement, the sweater vest came off, and Alec managed to squarely place it on where Nick’s jacket had landed. To cool down even further, he unbuttoned the top three buttons of his shirt.

“That any better for you?”

“Is that your accent? It’s nice to listen to, you should use it more often.”

Alec was thrown off-guard again. It took a moment to process that his native accent was now slipping through his speech. He considered trying to make an excuse for it, but at this point...fuck it.

“Enjoy it while you can, it’s not going to be there come morning” Alex answered teasingly.

“I will, thanks.” Nick didn’t beat around the bush.

The two sloshed sophisticates exchanged smug smiles. The alcohol and study now thoroughly forgotten, the only things worth focusing on were each other. Alec felt himself being checked out, but he was doing likewise. For someone who didn’t get out much, he was in really good physical condition; he could see the musculature through his shirt now the sweat was forcing it to cling to his skin.

His view was interrupted when Nick shuffled towards him, leaning towards his right ear. “You know, I’ve wondered what it’d look like if you weren’t wearing that ponytail of yours…” he whispered. It cut through Alec like a knife through butter, and he felt himself melt accordingly.

“If you’re sure about that, I think I can accommodate.”

His hand reached to the tie that kept his hair so immaculate. He was so intoxicated that he had some difficulty getting his fingers to clasp it. After a few attempts though, the tie came tumbling down, and with it the hair that was always kept prim and proper.

When it had settled in place, his hair reached to about his shoulder blades, resting on top of them. It felt strange to Alec to have his hair down outside of his bed. Yet, it also felt freeing somehow.

“Oh, that is nice! Complements your features, that does.” Nick exclaimed, reaching out his own hand to brush against Alec’s cheek. The sensation, heightened by his current state of sensitivity, shook Alec immensely, although not quite enough for his residual resistance to let up.

“Say, if you want, we could go over there to have a bit more time to let ourselves wind down.”

Nick let out a noise of vague, unenthused agreement, and he backed off to give Alec space to move away from the clutter to the furthermost end of the tent. There he lay down and let his body sink into the contours of the structure.

Nick followed closely after, but he didn’t use the tent to lie against. Instead, he took his chance and laid on Alec’s body directly, his head resting between his pectorals. Alec struggled to find his reaction to this, the side that wanted to keep indulging Nick’s wild streak clashed against the wall that was his reservations on going too far.

“Are you sure you’ll be able to sleep there?” He shot Nick a curious glance. The war being waged beneath was being kept under wraps.

“This’ll be perfect for me, love. Besides…” Nick started, adjusting himself so that his face was directly below the upper chest that still had beads of sweat adorning it. He was looking Alec dead in the eye.

“...how can I say no when you’re just sooo irresistable?”

The last two words came out as soft breaths that wisped along his glistening skin. The feeling in Alec’s body was electric and overwhelming. It was enough to make him feel emotions he had before not even humoured, and whatever resistance was left surrendered to the desire of enjoying the company of the man currently resting on his chest.

They would be awake for a good while yet.

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The tent went silent as the two men finally fell asleep. The grounds around them were equally sedate...save for the gentle rustling of grasses from something small hiding amongst their reeds. Fiore was finally able to come out from the thicket after spending so much time waiting for the two to be finished.

Fiore coming across the tent initially had been for completely innocuous reasons. Ashley had been going on and on about the family memento she chose as her prize for the challenge, and Fiore had become sick of it. She’d come back to finalise her next move in her notebook of strategies then head to bed.

But when she reached the tent, she heard such a strange conversation going on inside. Slurred voices, heavy accents, the occasional low laugh despite no jokes being told, and a...bevy of other sounds she couldn’t fathom.

She wasn’t sure what was happening in there, but purely based off the fact Alec sounded like he was struggling to sound like his verbose self she figured it was something worthy of blackmail material. So she decided to stick around and wait for them to be unable to guard themselves. Much like a wolf predating on a much larger moose.

Choosing a humble camera as her reward was paying dividends right now. Good thing she was able to convince the others it was to ‘take pictures to cherish her time here’. They ate that sappy drivel right up.

“Okay guys, time to get some dirt on you for a rainy day~♪” she hummed to herself in a hushed tone. With some effort, she was able to push aside the weighted flap that was blocking the opening.

What she saw when she got inside the tent was a shock even to her.

The first thing that hit her was the aroma in the air; a mix of strong alcohol and sweat. She sorely wanted to gag, it was so overwhelming. But she had to keep going for the plan.

After adjusting herself to the atmosphere, the next thing that caught her attention was a pile of clothes that had been discarded haphazardly. At the bottom laying on the dirt was a splayed out purple jacket. A blue sweater vest was sat on top of it. The sweater vest looked like the only article of clothing that had been laid down with consideration to its condition.

Close to this were more miscellaneous objects. Mostly bottles and the like that lay forgotten. However, there were also three books amongst them. Two of the books, stacked in a pile, seemed neat and orderly. The last book, something about the transactional analysis model of human interactions based off what Fiore could see, was splayed open. There was a vodka bottle on top of it with the contents spilt, and they seemed to have been almost eagerly absorbed by the pages.

She finally turned to see the main attraction, and she audibly gasped. Alec was laying against the wall of the tent. In contrast to his usual poise, he looked clammy and dishevelled, and he was sleeping in his regular clothes. Nick lay on top of him, his shirt stuck to his body from what she could tell. More than that though, he had his head nestled right below Alec’s. Both men seemed very content to embrace in slumber. If anyone didn’t know better…

Once she got over the initial shock, her faced turned to that of malicious glee. This was exactly the sort of thing she needed to keep Alec wrapped around her finger! And Nick too, she supposed. She whipped out her camera as quickly as possible.

“Say ‘love hearts’, fellas!”

With a playful whisper and a rapid flash, she now had the photo to save for an emergency. In the meantime, she didn’t know when the two sleepyheads would wake up, so she dashed out of the tent as fast as her little legs would carry her.

Oh sure, she’d secretly wake them up soon herself, she didn’t want everyone else knowing about this. Not yet, anyway.