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1
“Haitham, right there! Yes! No- wait- just- a little to the left- come on, Haitham!” Kaveh cries out, and Cyno immediately feels heat rush to his cheeks.
There is no way he just walked in on what he thinks he walked in on.
“Stop squirming, fucking hell,” Alhaitham replies, low and gruff, voice strained, and Cyno’s ears burn. He’s going to need to bleach his ears out after this.
“I’m so close, Haitham, just a little more-“ Kaveh’s voice pitches high.
Cyno’s entire body is frozen, over the handle for the study, and he doesn’t want to move or make a sound. Still, he knocks, if only to be polite.
The study falls silent.
“Who is that? You can come in!”
I can?! Are they into exhibitionism?!
Compelled, for some ungodly reason, Cyno gently pushes the door open, his ears burning underneath his jackal hood, and he closes his eyes, not wanting to see what he thinks he’s about to see.
“Ah! Cyno! Perfect timing. Is this painting straight?”
What?
“What?”
Cyno opens his eyes, and he is not faced with what he thought he would be. Kaveh is perched on top of Alhaitham’s shoulders, and he’s steadying a painting between his hands on the wall of the study. Alhaitham has his hands steadying Kaveh’s thighs, and he looks entirely displeased over the entire situation. Cyno blinks, dumbly at them, eyes wide.
“You’re not…” Cyno starts, drifting off, dazed and confused. He had been so sure from the sound of their voices that they had been…
“We’re not what? We’re putting up a painting. Come on, does it look straight from back there?”
Nothing about Kaveh and Alhaitham looks straight, but Cyno does not say that, and swallows thickly. The heat leaves his face. His hand drops from where it rests on the door, and he rubs it over his face, pinching his nose.
“Nothing. Just- yeah. It looks fine. Alhaitham I need to talk to you about something.”
Cyno pointedly ignores the confused look they both give him, as his heart slowly begins to regain its regular rhythm.
--
2
“Oh- oh it hurts-“ Kaveh’s voice is strangled, strained, and Tighnari jerks in surprise. At first, he’s alarmed, and then there is the low timbre of Alhaitham responding to him, words undecipherable, and Tighnari feels his tail bristle.
He should’ve knocked coming inside. He’s walked into their house so many times uninvited, he’s honestly surprised it has taken this long for him to walk in on something less then… family friendly.
“Haitham, it’s stuck! Oh my- it hurts! Stop, stop, stop!” He’s whining, terribly fraught.
How rough was Alhaitham going at it?! Tighnari was filled with the sudden desire to stop, that did not sound like enjoyable sex noises, and he bristled. He hadn’t expected Alhaitham to be so rough during sex, but surely he wouldn’t be ignoring Kaveh when he’s crying like that?
“I’m close, just hold tight for a minute, Kaveh.”
Close?! He said it hurts!
“Alhaitham!” Tighnari barks, sharply, as he rounds the corner, bracing himself mentally for whatever sight he’s about to see in their kitchen (far too unsanitary for Tighnari’s liking, but he isn’t one to judge. Cyno and him had definitely fucked in some precarious places).
Except, it isn’t what he expects at all.
Kaveh is leant against the counter, hand pressed to his mouth and the other holding his foot up, as Alhaitham bends down, wielding a pair of tweezers. There’s cactus spines on the counter, some of them tipped with blood.
Alhaitham snaps his head to the side, and relief expands over his face when he sees Tighnari.
“Oh, wonderful. Tighnari, can you help me please? Kaveh dropped one of his cacti and stepped on it, and he won’t stop squirming whilst I try to take the spines out.”
“Because it fucking hurts, you asshole!” Kaveh snapped, sharply, and Alhaitham rolled his eyes. “Tighnari, come hold my hand or something- Fuck!” Alhaitham takes advantage of the fact that Kaveh is briefly distracted, and rips the last of the cacti spines out of the heel of his foot, blood beading and dripping down his skin. Kaveh whimpered, high and sharp, and he slaps his hand back over his mouth, squeezing his eyes shut tightly. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!” He shrieks, and Tighnari sighs, rubbing his hand over his face.
He remembers distantly Cyno saying something about him think he’d walked in on them having sex, and is mildly amused that now he has his own story to share with Cyno regarding the exact same thing.
“Right. Cacti spines. I’ll… grab some ointments I’ve got to help with the pain.”
--
3
Cyno wakes, after a night of heavy drinking in the Tavern with Kaveh and Alhaitham, on their divan, his head pounding.
His mouth feels like shit, and he smacks his lips grossly as he slowly peels himself off the cushions. He can see the shadow of Alhaitham standing in the kitchen, leaning against the counter, and groans as he forces himself to stand, beginning to walk his way over.
Only, he spots something, below Alhaitham, that causes his blood to run cold.
Kaveh is crouching in front of Alhaitham, and his- his arm is moving rapidly, and Cyno’s breath catches in his throat.
No fucking way are they doing this when Cyno is right fucking there.
“What the fuck-“ He starts, and Alhaitham turns his head. Impressively, he looks entirely unsurprised to see Cyno, and his face doesn’t falter. How can he keep a straight face when Kaveh is-
When Kaveh is giving him a fucking hand job in the kitchen, with Cyno standing right there?!
“Good morning, Cyno. How do you feel?”
“Cyno is awake? Morning!” Kaveh calls, and then stands up, eyes bright.
He’s holding a cloth. A cloth in one hand. And they both look entirely innocent, and Cyno cannot believe this is happening to him again. He had been… he had been so sure this time, that they had been- that they were-
“What… are you two doing?” He asks, warily, and Kaveh blinks innocently at him, before looking at the cloth in his hand.
“I spilt some coffee on Alhaitham’s pants, so I was cleaning it off for him. What did you think we were doing?”
Alhaitham levels Cyno with a stare, and Cyno just swallows, throat clicking.
“Nothing. I- I didn’t think anything.”
He’s so fucking hungover and tired.
--
4
Tighnari hums as he closes the front door of the Scribe’s house behind him quietly, clutching the bag of goodies he had brought with him. He was a little early, but he was sure they wouldn’t mind. He was in the city for the day, and they had invited him over for dinner.
“Yeah, like that. You’re doing good.” Alhaitham’s voice cuts through the air, low and praising, and Tighnari’s fur bristles sharply. “Mm, hands a little firmer.”
“Like this?” Kaveh replies, soft, and Tighnari swallows thickly. He shouldn’t have come early. Slowly, very slowly, he peeks his head around the corner, and startles at what he sees, feeling his stomach drop out from underneath him.
Kaveh is sitting on the couch, hair falling around his face, and Tighnari can just see Alhaitham’s silver hair peeking out from the other end of the couch, giving away the very obscene position they were in. Kaveh, sitting on top of Alhaitham, on the couch.
“Archons- I’m- I’m so sorry, I should’ve knocked-“ Tighnari stutters out, and he slaps his hand over his eyes, tail bushed out in embarrassment.
“Hm? What’s wrong?” Kaveh says, innocently, like he hadn’t been caught riding Alhaitham on the couch. “Oh, Tighnari. You’re early.”
“Tighnari’s here? I feel like he’d be better at this than you,” Alhaitham replies, voice deep and rumbling, and Tighnari bristles at that again, indignant and horrified.
“Excuse me?!” Kaveh and him both snap at the same time.
“Wha- how dare you! Insinuate I would do such a thing for you- could you two please just- stop whatever you’re doing?” Tighnari rambles, and refuses to move his hand from his eyes. “Honestly, how bold can you be-“
“Bold? I’m just giving him a back massage. His back is stiff from sitting at the desk all day,” Kaveh questions, and Tighnari drops his hand.
There is no way this is happening a second time. No, a fourth time, if you count the two times it had happened to Cyno. There is no way that the two of them have managed to walk in on what they thought was compromising positions for Kaveh and Alhaitham, only for it to be something entirely innocent.
“A… massage?” Tighnari asks, and he drops the bag he’s holding to the ground. He walks closer, and now he can see that Alhaitham is laying on his stomach, teal eyes wary and curious as they look up at Tighnari. Kaveh is perched over his buttocks, and his fingers are kneading into Alhaitham’s lower back. They’re both fully clothed.
Tighnari feels as though maybe, Cyno and him are the dirty-minded ones. How many times can they have the same misunderstanding?
“Yeah, what else?”
“I thought you were… you know…”
“You know what?”
“Having sex, Kaveh!”
Kaveh and Alhaitham both take pause at that, and stare at Tighnari with wide eyes. And then, in slow motion, redness creeps over Kaveh’s cheeks, and Alhaitham’s lips quirk into a smug smile.
“You thought we were having sex whilst waiting for you to arrive? How bold do you think we are?” Alhaitham hums, delighted, and Kaveh’s hands raise to cover his face.
“Nari! How could you think that?! We would never- we wouldn’t subject you to walking in on that!” Kaveh squeaks, and Tighnari’s stomach twists violently.
Of course not. Of course, they weren’t having sex. Tighnari was the dirty one. Cyno was the dirty one. Sighing heavily, Tighnari rubs his temples, and turns away to fetch the bag he had dropped.
“Sorry. Sorry. I don’t know- it just looked very compromising from where I was standing. I’ll put these away.”
“Honestly, you must think us some kind of depraved deviants,” Alhaitham jests lightly, as Kaveh swings his way off of his back.
Maybe I’m the depraved deviant.
--
+1
Tighnari shakes his head, laughing softly at one of Cyno’s terrible jokes, as he shuts the door with a barely audible click behind him. Cyno smiles cheekily, eyes glimmering as he looks at Tighnari as they enter Alhaitham and Kaveh’s house.
The house is dark, and quiet, although Tighnari isn’t really surprised. They had come uninvited, but they had both returned to the city tired and aching, and Kaveh and Alhaitham had given the two of them a key in the event that they needed a place to crash for the night, before journeying back to Gandharva Ville.
There’s the hushed noise of shuffling fabric coming from the living room, as Cyno and Tighnari walk in, trying to remain as silent as possible in case the two of them were sleeping.
Only, they stop dead in their tracks, and this time, this time is surely it.
Alhaitham is shirtless, flushed red and sweaty in the moonlight, mouth parted. There is a pair of legs slung over his shoulders, toes curling in the air, and Alhaitham’s hand is wrapped around one ankle. Cyno and Tighnari both freeze immediately.
Cyno runs through every possible other alternative for what could be happening, but he comes up with nothing, and judging from Tighnari’s frozen features, he’s done the same. There is no way they have come to a fifth misunderstanding.
Someone moans, and it’s soft, and sounds like Kaveh. Alhaitham moves forward, and there’s a very telling wet noise of skin hitting skin, and Alhaitham grunting. Cyno’s stomach drops out from underneath him.
“Haitham, oh- I’m so close, please-“ Kaveh’s voice punctuates the darkness, whining lowly. There is no possible alternative for what is happening. They’ve finally done it. They’ve finally walked in on Alhaitham and Kaveh having sex.
Tighnari leans over to steady himself on the wall, and Cyno’s hand flies up to cover his own eyes. Tighnari must accidentally lean on a light switch however, because light suddenly floods the living room, and suddenly there’s a high-pitched scream, coming from most likely Kaveh.
“What the fuck?!” Alhaitham yelps, surprised, and then he curses lowly, and Kaveh shrieks again. There’s the rapid sound of fabric shuffling, and Tighnari shrieks too, turning to bury his face in Cyno’s chest.
“I’m sorry, we’re sorry! We thought you’d be asleep!”
“Archons fucking- close your fucking eyes!” Alhaitham snaps, furious, and Cyno turns away, even though his hand is covering his eyes already, and he hurriedly leans over to switch the lights back off. “Have you two never learned to fucking knock?”
“You gave us a key!”
“It’s common fucking decency to knock, still!” Kaveh squawks, and there is more furious fabric shuffling. “Holy- holy fuck, did you- did you see anything?!” Kaveh is frantic, panicked, and Cyno violently shakes his head.
“No, I swear! We didn’t see anything! Can you just- can you put your clothes back on!” He replies, voice tinged with panic as well, and Tighnari is shivering in his arms, still pressed against his chest.
“Oh I’m fucking sorry that I was busy in my own fucking house, General-“ Alhaitham sneers, voice cuttingly sharp, and there’s the sound of a slap and Alhaitham being cut off with a grunt. “What?”
“Yes, I suppose it is your fucking home.” The comment slips out of Cyno’s mouth before he can really stop it, and everyone goes dead quiet. The tension is so thick, you could cut it with a knife.
And then, Tighnari laughs quietly against Cyno’s chest, and slaps his arm.
“Cyno, no, you can’t- Archons-“ he giggles, and Cyno can hear Kaveh snort too.
“Fucking heavens- you can open your eyes now. It’s fine, we’re covered now. Gods, that has got to be the biggest boner killer in the world,” Kaveh replies, drily, and Cyno slowly peeks out from behind his hand. He flicks the light back on, and Alhaitham has a shirt back on. His cheeks are still red, but they’re both standing next to each other now. Alhaitham has his arms crossed, and he’s refusing to look at the Ranger and General. Kaveh looks flustered too, his hair in disarray, and there is a very telling dark mark on his throat.
“I am. So sorry. Can we please- can we forget this ever happened?” Tighnari says, peeling himself away from Cyno’s chest and scratching the back of his neck. Cyno nods eagerly, and takes a step backwards.
“Yes. Please. Maybe we will just go home. We were going to crash here in the spare room for the night, but since you two seem preoccupied, we can go home.”
Kaveh flushes again, and Alhaitham rolls his eyes. He looks very angry at being disturbed, and Cyno thanks the Archons above that the divan position hides both Alhaitham and Kaveh’s crotches from eyesight.
“Yes, maybe that is for the best-“ Alhaitham starts, voice still sharp and furious, but Kaveh cuts him off, shaking his head and waving his hands about in frantic dismissal.
“No, no! It’s late, you guys can still crash here, i-it’s fine! The mood is dead anyways. You’re more then welcome to use the spare room, I swear! Go home tomorrow, it’s fine!” Kaveh insists, and Alhaitham whips his head around to glare at Kaveh, jaw clenching tightly.
Seems the mood isn’t quite so dead for someone.
“It’s… really fine. It feels a bit awkward now…” Tighnari mumbles shyly, and Cyno nods in agreement. Alhaitham hums too, and Cyno can feel the palpable hatred exuding from him at being interrupted. Cyno has the distinct feeling that if Tighnari and him were to stay the night in that house, they probably would not wake up the next day if the Scribe had his way.
“Yes, I don’t feel quite so tired anymore. We will… just make our way back home,” Cyno says, and Kaveh frowns at that, looking very guilty. On the other hand, Alhaitham’s lip quirks up in one corner, and both Cyno and Tighnari take a step backwards.
“Once again, very sorry for the intrusion, have a good night, I’m never looking you in the eye again-“ Tighnari babbles, flustered, and Cyno laughs lowly at that, but very much feels the same, as the two of them back their way out of the house.
Kaveh looks upset by it, but he calls out a farewell regardless. Alhaitham does not.
Cyno and Tighnari re-open the front door, and step back out into the dark of Sumeru City. The second the door closes in front of them, they turn to look at each other.
A beat of silence passes between them. And then, Tighnari cracks first.
His ears twitch, and then he bursts out laughing, and Cyno follows suit, as they stumble away from the house, arms clutching at their stomachs.
“Fucking house, really, Cyno? Archons! To think, all the times we thought we had walked in on them,” Tighnari giggles incessantly, and Cyno chuckles in reply, whisking a tear from his eyes.
“Yes well, I think we should definitely be knocking in the future."