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Grian (Voice Over): I suppose I’m the most qualified for this position, being the admin and all. I just never expected this to happen so soon. When I set out on this experimental server, I never expected anyone to get so invested. Either way, I’m the somewhat self-appointed obituary writer of the Third Life sever.
[ Dramatic sigh followed by the clicking of a typewriter ]
G VO: I’m right now sitting in the remains of my small bunker. Scar’s sleeping downstairs so I doubt he’d be seeing me up anytime soon. I can’t help but stare into the chilled night of the desert, the lava surrounding us long since turned into obsidian. Our bunker isn’t fairing overly well. But considering that we quite literally blew up a creator not even twenty metres away, I’d say it held up pretty well. At least it kept Scar alive. I can’t say the same for Timmy. I feel my eyes gliding towards the blood-stained planks of wood by the ladder.
G VO: This is an obituary of Jimmy “Timmy” Solidarity.
Jimmy Solidarity, 25, was a long-standing ally of the Sand People of Monopoly Mountain, me and Scar, alongside his husband Scott Smajor. Both of them were considered hobbits in all ways of the word. They lived in a little flower meadow along the world border. It was secluded, sure, but it was beautiful.
No one is really sure what Jimmy was doing before he came to this server. I think I once heard rumours of him doing some ridiculous things in a single-player world. Something along the lines of singing? I met him once before this though. Evo was a love child of mine, another experimental-style server. We progressed through the various updates. I never did make it past update 1.0.
But that's enough about me, Jimmy didn’t really contribute much to the server. Frankly, I don’t think he knew much about the game. Let's just say he’s an experienced noob. I mean, his PVP skills are abysmal. But he has his own charm, namely his own ridiculous ideas. He ran a gambling business- could it even be called a business? I think it was more of a game to him. The odds were quite literally against you. Chick chance was the definition of a scummy business practice. Not that it stopped people from flocking toward the game. I personally never touched that ‘game’ with a ten-foot pole.
Jimmy Solidarity died of unnatural causes in the heat of battle. By unnatural causes, I’m talking about the arrow embedded directly into his once-beating heart. I’ll be very honest, it was overly dramatic and less bloody than you’d expect. It was less screaming and more shocked splutters that erupted from Jimmy’s mouth. This is to be expected, honestly, given his track record in previous non-permanent deaths.
G VO: And now, for the condolences,
[ upbeat, but slightly foreboding music plays ]
Renchanting sends their condolences. They say: Don’t be a dog, be a god, half-off enchanting for those allied with the Red Army.
Impulse sends his condolences. He says: Why would you ever expect me to betray you? I’ve done nothing wrong! Ever!
[ upbeat, but slightly foreboding music ends ]
G VO: I think that now is the time we check in with the loving, but mournful husband.
[ Crunches of fallen leaves and assorted leaves underneath footsteps ]
G: Scott! How are you fairing with the sudden and very tragic death of your husband?
Scott: (Spluttering) G! Can you not?
G VO: Scott vaguely gestures to the grave at his feet over his tears, a sense of annoyance radiating from him.
Scott: Can I please have a moment to mourn? I literally just buried him.
G VO: He muttered something under his breath. It seemed like something along the lines of ‘insensitive prick, not giving me time to process anything about my very dead husband’. Honestly, nobody respects the work of the obituary writer.
G: I’ll leave you to it!
G VO: I happily left him to wallow in his own self-pity, briefly taking a moment to drop a poppy at Jimmy’s graveside before leaving the widow to bawl his eyes out.
The forest was quiet as I headed back towards the desert, the only sound being the occasional animal and the crunching of twigs underneath my feet. It was serene, it felt like the quiet before the storm. Let’s be honest, with the number of red lives on the server, war is seconds away from happening. Jimmy’s death is just going to be the catalyst.
G VO: (Musing) I suppose, in a way, he’s almost like a canary in a coal mine. His death serves only as a warning for the others. (thunder claps in the distance) I’m surprised it didn’t start raining sooner. Honestly, the cinematic timing is so slow these days.
[ Thunder claps, this time much closer than before ]
G: I was wondering how long it was going to take before you showed up.
G VO: I turned around and faced the Angel of Death. She was taller than the average enderman but far more pale than a skeleton. She had large, boney wings that spread out from her back. She had that smell of death around her, the type of rot that reeks of false hope and promises, like that money your friend promised to pay you back that one time. Flying beside her was her trusty companion, the Button-Eyed Raven, looking as depressed as usual.
G: I haven’t seen you in forever! Hows guiding the souls of the damned been treating you?
Angel of Death: I’ve been doing as well as I can be. Still chasing the soul that got away.
G: You love me and you know it.
AoD: Yeah, we’ll go with that.
Raven: Caw! You deserved to die!
G VO: The Button-Eyed Raven screeched.
G: (Deadpan) Very funny raven you got there.
AoD: (Giggles) Listen, if you die a second time, I might not save your soul.
G VO: I glance around myself, taking stock of every tree and bush with calculating eyes. My eyes land on a curious skeleton, clearly thinking that the Angel of Death is one of its own. It looked almost… flirtatious? This is a feat in itself, skeletons are exactly known for their emotive capabilities.
G: Clearly, you’re here for a reason.
AoD: And you’d be correct. Jimmy’s soul… It won’t move on.
G VO: I frown, reaching my hand to rub at my chin.
G: Maybe he’s waiting for something to happen?
G VO: The Angel of Death didn’t even grace me with a response, simply gesturing for the Button-Eyed Raven to follow her as they disappeared into thin air. I shook my head, and a small smile spread on my face. She never did make answers easy.
I suppose we’d just have to wait for the answers. I’ll need to keep a lookout. But hey! I think that's a problem for future me to worry about.
As for right now, this has been the obituary of Jimmy “Timmy” Solidarity.