Chapter Text
Puss had just been about to dig into his lunch when he felt a familiar presence and turned to see the figure of death looming over him.
“¡¡Hijo de puta!!” He shouted as he fell from his chair.
“Now is that any way to greet an old friend?” the wolf asked as he casually parked his keaster into the seat next to the one Puss had just vacated.
“‘Old friend’??” Puss asked incredulously as he sprung back to his feet. “You were literally trying to kill me last week!!”
”Still hung up on that, huh?” Death muttered as he flicked a bug off the table.
Puss eye twitched. “So what are you doing here now then? Come to finish the job?” He asked, readying himself for either fight or flight.
Death merely chuckled darkly in response. “You’re so far off the mark it’s actually funny.”
Puss only allowed himself to relax the tiniest bit at the words. “Care to elaborate?”
Death locked eyes with the hero, a smirk upon his face. “Well, you are going to die today. Just not by my hands.” He informed lightly.
Puss tried not to let his growing anxiety show as he asked his next question. “If not yours, then whose?”
“Ah-ah.” Death tsked, wagging a finger side to side. “No spoilers.”
Puss clenched his fist in frustration. “Why are you even telling me this? I did not think you were into the habit of giving warnings.”
“You’re right, this is outside of my usual undertakings.” Death conceded with a wave. “But this is a special case, as I’m willing to step in to prevent it.
“And why exactly would you be willing to do that?” Puss asked suspiciously. “I thought you wanted to see me dead.”
“Oh that still rings true, but this upcoming demise of yours would be way too anticlimactic a way for you to go out.” The reaper chuckled. “And I wouldn’t be doing it pro bono. In exchange for my services you’d owe me a favor.” He finished with a grin.
“What kind of favor?” Puss asked through squinted eyes; he wasn’t up for signing any kind of deal with the devil. And if it were something that could put his friends in danger? Well, he’d rather chuck himself off a bridge than accept such an offer.
“Oh, I won’t choose anything that would go against your moral compass if that’s what you’re worried about.” The reaper informed with a condescending smirk.
Puss considered for a bit before clarifying. “Do I have your word on that?”
“Cross my heart.” Death drew an ex in the indicated area coyly.
Oh well, what did he have to lose? But just before he agreed a sudden thought came to mind. “Wait, how do I know you aren’t lying? Just pretending I’m going to die so you can have a free favor?” He asked with a suspicious squint.
“Good question. But I’ll do you one better: is that a risk you’re willing to take?” Death asked with a sly smirk.
Dang it, guess he had no choice. “Alright, you have yourself a deal.” Besides, what was the worst that could happen if he refused to hold up his end of the bargain anyway? Couldn’t be worse than straight up dying, could it?
“Glad to hear it.” Death rumbled lowly.
“Okay, so now that’s settled, will you kindly inform me as to how I’m supposedly going to di-”
He was interrupted by Death unceremoniously shoving his food off the table and onto the floor.
“What the hell!” Puss shouted before peering around the wooden furniture to inspect the mess, quickly deeming it unsalvageable. “Por el amor de- that was my lunch!” He turned on the reaper.
“It was also your demise.” Death placed an elbow on the table and rested his head against his fist. “Or at least, it was going to be.” He amended.
At Puss’ nonplussed expression and silence he elaborated. “You are allergic to shellfish, aren’t you?” He said more than asked, already knowing the answer.
“Yes, which is why I ordered it con pollo!” Puss stomped a foot in frustration.
“Well then your order must’ve gotten mixed up with someone else’s. Take a look for yourself.” The reaper nodded in the direction of the ruined meal.
Puss humored the deity and looked over the ruined meal, soon spotting some shrimp peaking out at him. Dammit. “Okay, you’re right. But you didn’t have to shove it to the floor! Why couldn’t you have just told me?” He huffed with crossed arms.
“Well the answer to that is simple: this way was more fun.” Death replied with a shit-eating grin.
Puss wasn’t going to dignify that with a response.
“Anyway, now that that’s out of the way.” Death said as he stood. “I’m ready to cash in on that little favor you owe me.”
“What? Already?” Puss asked incredulously.
“Yeah, why not? I don’t remember specifying a timeline.” The reaper said as he pushed his chair in with a foot.
Well, that was true. He just figured he’d have more time to process this whole thing before having to do his part. “Alright, let’s hear it.” He sighed in resignation. “What is this ‘favor’?”
“Well you see, I have this little work function coming up. A get-together of sorts. Terribly boring affair honestly.” The cloaked figure rolled his eyes. “Less so this time though, as I’ll be having you accompany me to it.”
What? He just wanted someone to alleviate his boredom while at a drawl event? “Is that all?” He had trouble believing it would be that simple.
“Oh right, I left out one little detail.” Death said with a secretive smile blossoming on his face as he leaned down until his head was level with the cat’s. “During it you are to act as my fiancé.”
… Did Puss actually just hear what he thinks he heard? Because this being some kind of convoluted fever dream seemed way more likely. He bit the inside of his mouth, and unfortunately pain followed the action, meaning this was really happening.
Great.
“Might I enquire as to why that would be?” He asked in a world-weary voice.
“You can thank my coworkers.” Death informed as he straightened himself up to his usual height. “Those idiots wouldn’t stop pestering me about my ‘non-existent dating life’.” He said in a mocking manner, air quotes included. “And they are unbelievably annoying, so about a year ago I got fed up and told them I'd found someone. That thankfully shut them up for a while, but now they want to see this ‘partner of mine’ to make sure they ‘actually exist’.” He rolled his eyes. “So I figured if I brought someone as ‘proof’ that should keep them off my back for good.”
Wow, never in a million years did Puss think he’d end up in such a situation. “Do I even match the description you gave them?” He enquired, as that might've been before they’d even met in that bar in Del Mar.
“Eh, I kept things vague. All I said was that it was someone none of them knew. And you fit that bill.” Death shrugged.
Well, he couldn’t argue with that logic. But “Won’t they think it odd you are fraternizing with a mortal?” He couldn't help but wonder aloud.
“Not really. It isn’t actually all that uncommon for a spirit to take a mortal as their partner. Widens the dating pool and all.” Death informed.
Okay, Puss was starting to wonder if this deal was even worth it. “And if I refuse?”
“Well, I could always make sure that meal of yours doesn’t actually go to waste.” The reaper glanced at said meal and then looked pointedly back at Puss.
The threat was clear as day, and Puss would really prefer not to die from an allergic reaction twice, so “Alright, just tell me what day, where to meet you, and I’ll see you then.”
“Actually, it’s going to be a little more complicated than that.” The reaper just had to say.
“How so?” Puss asked, dreading what words were to follow.
“Well everyone thinks I’ve been with my partner for around a year or so, which means we’ll actually need to hang around each other to learn more about one another before the event, otherwise the ruse will be obvious and would take away the entire point of this exercise.” Death explained his devious plot. “The meet-up is in one week, which gives us plenty time to practice.”
Yup, he was right to dread.
“So, where we headed next?” The reaper asked.
Oh boy, he was going to have a time explaining this to Kitty and Perrito. But before that he needed to go “Somewhere to get a new lunch; my last one unfortunately met an early end.” He said pointedly as he began to walk off.
“Yeah, instead of you.” Death chuckled beside him.
Puss didn’t know if he’d even be able to make it an entire week at this rate.
~•*•~
“You know, now that he's no longer trying to torment Puss to the point of insanity so he can eviscerate what’s left of his damaged psyche along with his body, this guy’s not actually so bad.” Kitty mused aloud while watching Death and Puss play a heated game of checkers. “Strange as that seems.”
“Yeah no, I get what you mean.” Perrito easily agreed. “I was actually just thinking the same exact thing.”
Kitty kind of doubted that. “Oddly enough, I don't think I’m going to really mind these next couple days.”
“Yeah, I feel like I’ve gotten used to him by this point. I think I'm actually going to miss having him around when he’s gone.”
“Eh, I don’t know if I would go quite that far.” But she would miss the pyromancer’s campfire starting capabilities.
“The event thing is in three days, right?” Perrito asked.
“Yup. I can hardly wait to hear how it goes.” Kitty smirked, sure it would prove to be an entertaining story. She then eyed the newly acquired knife held in her paw, thinking about how Death had bribed them into telling him stuff about Puss whenever the orange tabby got fed up with his antics and refused to talk to him until he had a chance to blow off some steam. Which hadn’t happened past the second day of Death playing fourth wheel; slowly but surely those two had actually kind of started to get along. Or at least started acting somewhat amicable around each other. Which she considered an unqualified success as it was.
She then flicked the knife and watched as it sailed through the air smoothly before sinking into a tree, thinking that yes, it was totally worth those lies she’d made up about Puss. Hearing a clink she turned her attention to where Perrito was now playing with the spiked metal ball he’d been gifted, and wondered if she should actually let him play with it, as it was a rather dangerous toy for the dog, but he hadn’t poked an eye out with it yet, so she figured it was probably nothing to worry about.
~•*•~
Puss waited next to Death in a clearing where their ride was soon due to appear.
He would say that the last six days had gone by more smoothly than he’d anticipated (after the first couple anyway, where Puss was sure the reaper had been purposely trying to rile him up), and by this point he no longer found himself wanting to maim the spirit. Which admittedly was a rather low bar, but Puss would still count it as a win.
Just then a noise pulled him from his musings and he looked up to see a flying carriage landing close by. It basically looked like a giant black pumpkin with bat wings. And it was on fire.
“Yeah, I’m not getting in that.” Puss deadpanned.
“Do you have another form of transportation lined up?” Death mildled sarcastically.
“… Oh alright, fine; I’ll ride the terrifying death trap.” Puss groaned in frustration, remembering that the place they were heading was on a different ‘plane of existence’ or some crap. “But if I die good luck finding anyone to fill in for me on such short notice.” He huffed as they made their way over to the vehicle.
“You can sit on my lap if that will make you feel safer.” Death smirked at him as he opened the door and offered his hand.
“Har har, I didn’t take you for a comedian.” Puss rolled his eyes, but accepted Death’s assistance getting on board the carriage (noting with relief that the flames surrounding the thing gave off no heat). He then crossed his arms as he plopped into his seat, Death taking his place across from him on the opposite plush bench.
Shortly after they took off Puss surreptitiously peaked out the window and tried not to show how terrified he was suddenly feeling as they went up and up and up.
This did not go unnoticed by Death, who luckily had just the thing to take Puss’ mind off the view. “Hey I almost forgot, I brought you an outfit to wear.”
Puss looked over to see Death holding up a frilly pink dress in just the right size to fit his petite figure. “Oh, there is no way in hell I am wearing that.” He said with a disgusted face. “That shade would completely clash with my fur. Don’t you know anything about color theory?” Now if it had been of a hue that brought out the green in his eyes that would’ve been a completely different story, as the design itself wasn’t half bad.
… Without moving his head Death looked at the garment in perplexment. He’d brought it as a joke, thinking Puss would object to the idea of wearing a dress in general. Did that mean if he’d packed an assortment the cat would’ve gone for it? Dammit, he should’ve been more prepared. “Well, no matter.” He said as he tossed the useless thing out the window. “You can just wear this instead.” He then held out a hooded cape, in black with a crimson lining, finer and longer than the one Puss was currently wearing. Much more befitting finery of one supposedly being courted by Death.
“Ah, now that is more like it.” Puss said as he plucked the article from the other’s hold, then ran his paws along the plush fabric, soon coming upon a design stitched onto the middle of the back. “What is this?” He asked as he held it up, now able to see the two crossed sickles made out of silver thread.
“It’s to signify you’re with me. In case anyone finds a lost mortal wandering around.” Death informed, lightly mocking in tone.
Puss gave a non-committal hum as he removed his usual cape and replaced it with the one provided, the closure in the shape of a wolf head instead of a cat head not going unnoticed as he secured it. “Really? Are the sickles not enough?” He asked the reaper, gesturing at the glinting silver.
Death merely smirked in reply, then decided to change the subject. “Hey, why don’t you teach me about this ‘color theory’ of yours?”