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The first time Team 7 meets their new jounin sensei, Naruto is admittedly unimpressed.
The man is tall and lanky, but he slouches so much that Naruto can't really tell much of his actual build. His visible eye is drooping and shadowed from exhaustion. His hair is still covered in chalk dust from the eraser Naruto had rigged to drop on his head. He reeks of sadness.
All in all, Naruto is decidedly underwhelmed.
At least he still has Sakura on his team. And Sasuke may be a bastard, but he's a strong bastard so they have that going for them too, even if Naruto would rather eat his left sandal than ever actually admit that out loud.
Their sensei might be some loser, but their shared disregard for the man is also the first thing the three of them seem to agree on for once so that must count as a win, right? Right.
Then Kakashi-sensei absolutely kicks their collective asses without even breaking a sweat, fails all three of them spectacularly, passes them on a technicality, and finally Team 7 is declared an official genin cell by the end of it all. It’s a long day.
Things just get weirder from there to be honest. Naruto…can’t say he really minds.
Sakura can be kind of mean sometimes and she only seems to hit hard when she's using Naruto as her dummy, but she also lets him braid her hair when he can't seem to keep his hands still and paints his nails a bright orange that she bought specifically because it reminded her of him. They bicker a lot and Naruto realises that he maybe isn't in love with her, but he thinks that might be okay. She's his friend now and, somehow, that is even better.
Sasuke is, of course, still a bastard and an arrogant show off who thinks he's too good for team bonding, and he gets on every last one of Naruto's nerves until they're both wrestling in the dirt like neither has ever leaned a proper taijutsu form. But the asshole stays back for extra training every time Naruto asks, and he may glare at Naruto whenever he gets annoyed with the blond, but he glares even harder at the people who call him names in the streets. Naruto can sometimes even go a whole day now without wanting to beat Sasuke's face in!
And then there's Kakashi. Their sensei who drawls his words like he's too lazy to pronounce them properly, who watches them labour away at D-ranks from the shade with an eye-smile always in place. Who walks around in public with his face almost always hidden behind one of his gross books.
At first, Naruto thinks he's kind of self-absorbed.
He's an okay teacher all things considered. Naruto wants to say Iruka was better, but Kakashi-sensei gets some points for always letting Naruto hide behind him whenever the angry victim of one of his pranks is in the vicinity. He's also surprisingly patient about correcting Naruto's hand signs, gently pressing his fingers into the correct shapes over and over again until Naruto can get them right. He makes them run an unfair number of laps when they piss him off, but he never ever yells. And it's a little weird but Kakashi leaves him groceries sometimes and they always have stupid notes attached.
Naruto saves every single one of sensei's dumb notes and wonders if the man even knows. Probably not. Sensei can be kind of stupid but that's probably because he's going senile with age. With hair that gray, he has got to be ancient.
So, their sensei is definitely a weirdo who obviously has no experience with kids, but that's fine as far as Naruto is concerned. He's learning how to be a shinobi so he can become Hokage one day, he has a team that might even like him, and his sensei feels more like a strange but well-meaning neighbourhood nii-san than a stuck-up old coot.
Life is pretty good.
And then the mission to Wave happens.
It's the first time Team 7 is faced with a dire situation; the first time they have to look at an opponent and think, "We might not get out of this alive."
But Kakashi-sensei is there.
He's there to fight against Zabuza, protecting them and managing it even if he does get trapped in the middle and they have to help him out. He's there to be angry on their behalf because they are apparently on an A-rank mission that they're in no way prepared for, and Naruto knows their sensei is as proud as he is fearful when the three of them decide to stay and protect the bridge anyways.
It's probably the first time their sensei trains them seriously, even though he's still chakra exhausted and needs crutches.
But Zabuza is there again, and the three of them are actually fighting this time around, and Naruto hates the hopelessness of it all. He hates feeling weak and outmatched, he hates seeing his friends get hurt, and he hates that he understands and likes Haku, but he still has to fight him.
Then suddenly Sasuke's dead and Naruto's isn't thinking much at all as the boiling in his gut spills over and he loses himself to a haze of redredred—
All the while, Naruto still doesn't know what to really make of their sensei. Because the man had seemed pretty laid back up until now when he'd clearly been ready to die in the name of protecting his students. And when Naruto comes to from the fog of red and mind-numbing rage to find that Haku and Zabuza are dead and Sasuke is still alive, sensei is there to lay an uncertain hand on his head and scrub it through his hair like one might with a shaggy puppy.
Now, Naruto doesn't really know what the protocol is in most social situations since he pretty much raised himself and lives by rules of his own making, but he's pretty sure that when your student goes through a traumatic life-or-death situation for the first time and briefly loses themselves to the spiteful demon sealed within them, they probably require a bit more than that.
So, yeah, maybe Kakashi-sensei isn't as carefree as Naruto had first assumed, but he's definitely pretty bad at emotions. Before they know it, Team 7 is packed up and trooping back to Konoha like it is business as usual.
Except it's not really. It doesn’t feel like it will ever be.
Because Sasuke nearly died while Naruto and Sakura watched it happen, and none of them really end up getting much sleep at all on their way back home. They don't mention any of this to Kakashi, and Naruto does his best to maintain an outward cheer by chattering on about the bridge being named after him, but he has a feeling that sensei knows the truth anyways even if he only watches them quietly from the corner of his eye instead of actually saying something.
Naruto doesn't know what kind of life Kakashi-sensei has led, especially since death is so commonplace in their line of work. He can't tell where the carefree, lazy pervert ends and the skilled, weary-eyed shinobi starts. What he does know, however, is that sensei does care for them after all. In his own weird, stilted, Kakashi-sensei kind of way.
He must, considering how viciously he'd fought to keep them out of the worst of it. But since the conclusion of their disaster of a first mission, Kakashi also hasn't so much as looked any of them in the eye, which has only really added to the hefty tension, and there's more to unpack there than Naruto really feels capable of.
He's tired and scared and being twelve has never felt more difficult. Kakashi-sensei's freakiness can wait.
Things are different and the same after Team 7's first A-rank.
Naruto doesn't even really notice at first until one day, when the three of them are getting dinner together after training, and he realises quite abruptly that he can't remember the last time they'd gotten into a public squabble that resulted in them getting kicked out of somewhere. With how often it used to happen, it's honestly impressive that none of them clocked.
In some ways, they're a lot closer as a team. In other ways, they're a lot quieter as a bunch of hotheaded kids who don't actually have all that much in common. Their general lack of shared interests or similarities just doesn't feel as important anymore when they're still caught in the shadow of the mission in Wave.
None of them say it, but he finds it reassuring to be around them in the wake of what they went through, and he likes to believe that it's the same for Sasuke and Sakura. No one else really gets it anyway and Naruto finds it more relieving than he probably ought to when he has the two of them in his line of sight. It eases the turmoil he can feel brewing within him sometimes, like hitting snooze on an alarm clock.
Kakashi-sensei is, of course, strange as ever. More than once, Naruto finds him peering at the three of them with a weird intensity, or randomly glancing over in that way he does when it's like he's incapable of looking at them directly.
It only becomes apparent that maybe the weirdo is also still dealing with the mission and its aftereffects when he actually treats them to barbecue for dinner once and doesn't let out a single noise of complaint when they take full advantage of the free meal. That more than anything else tells Naruto that their stingy sensei is happy to have them all come out of the mission mostly unharmed.
Training for the chunin exams is what really snaps all of them back into something that resembles the normalcy from before their first C-rank-turned-A-rank mission from hell.
Kakashi-sensei spends the mornings drilling chakra theory and basic ninjutsu through their heads until their fingers are stiff from hand signs. Then they review more theory about shinobi ranks and tactics and village history and all the boring stuff that mostly flies over Naruto's head before it's time for taijutsu training.
Taijutsu training is really just a vague generalisation for what is really all three of them getting their asses kicked by Kakashi individually, and then, simultaneously.
By the end of it, Naruto always finds himself strangely more tolerant of his teammates out of sheer sympathy for their mutual suffering. Sakura says they're 'trauma bonding'.
The only breaks they get from this is when sensei decides to try and find out just how many D-ranks and actual C-ranks he can have them do in a day for his own personal amusement.
To put it simply, Naruto is pretty sure he straight up died in his sleep at some point and is just in hell now.
“You’re all going to thank me for this one day,” sensei tells them without a shred of consideration for the fact that Sakura is trying to become one with the ground of the crater she hasn’t bothered to crawl out of, or how Sasuke is squinting at nothing in the sky and muttering to himself under his breath.
Naruto thinks he’s smelling sounds and hearing colours, but who’s to say.
“I don’t think I can ever move again,” he announces, scrunching his nose up at the burnt hair smell that is wafting off him. His jumpsuit is never going to recover from this.
Helpfully, Sasuke declares, “I think Sakura is dead.”
“Mah,” Kakashi says airily, completely unbothered, “I’m sure she’ll get right back on her feet. Eventually.”
A vague grunt comes from Sakura’s crater.
Naruto barely manages to lift his head up to squint in her general direction. “Don’t worry, Sakura-chan,” he assures, dropping back down when he feels the sore muscles of his neck start to cramp, “we’ll make sure Tanaka-chan doesn’t show up to your funeral.”
Another grunt; this one in a tone resembling approval.
“Who’s Tanaka-chan?” Kakashi asks, meandering over to peer down at Naruto from over his stupid little book.
“Sakura’s mortal enemy,” Sasuke supplies.
“They’ve been at it since we were four,” Naruto adds seriously. “She’s in the civilian school now though.”
Kakashi’s eyebrow shoots up. He lifts his book up higher, but it’s not in time enough to hide the amusement that is clear on his face even when most of it is hidden behind a mask. Naruto grins back up at him.
“Tanaka-chan is a little bitch and I’m going to outlive her out of spite if it’s the last thing I do.” At least Sakura is still alive and mostly well if she still has the energy to be petty about beef with a civilian. She does sound worryingly wheezy though.
Kakashi blinks and looks at Sakura’s crater with an air of bewilderment. “My, Sakura-chan, what scandalous language.”
“I’ll speak however I fucking want to,” comes the heated retort.
“Your mother is going to think you learned that from me,” Kakashi notes, sounding strained at the very thought.
Sakura snorts. “Good,” she sniffs. “You deserve whatever lecture she forces you through.”
“Vindication,” Sasuke mutters with feeling.
Naruto blinks up at Kakashi who stares down at him as if looking for sympathy. “You’ve really pissed off the two most spiteful people I know, sensei,” he observes.
Kakashi sighs and turns his gaze skyward because he’s a dramatic asshole down to the bone. “Why do my cute little students hate me so?” he asks the air.
“Because you keep trying to kill us,” Sakura retorts, finally clawing her way out of her shallow crater. “Mark my words, old man, I will shave your head for this. Just you wait.”
Sasuke sits up to glare at Kakashi too. “End his bloodline,” he chimes in.
“I always knew children are evil,” Kakashi comments mildly. “How adorable.”
Naruto pushes himself up too, scrubbing through his hair to dislodge all the grass and assorted twigs that have made their home there. “At least they’re getting along.”
Humming, Kakashi tilts his head. “True that. Small mercies, I suppose.”
“Suffering,” Sasuke promises.
“Eternal damnation,” Sakura agrees.
Kakashi snorts and has the audacity to actually look kind of fond; like they’re a gaggle of unruly but ultimately cute puppies trying to bite at his furniture instead of killers-in-training.
“I think you three have earned a camping trip this weekend,” the man announces, clapping his hands together, his eye curved up with a smile. “We can all explore the Forest of Death together.”
Groaning, Sasuke flops back down, not even bothering to glare when he undoubtedly hears Naruto laughing at him.
Sakura stares at their teacher in suitable horror. “What did we ever do to you?”
“Come now,” Kakashi rolls his eye, “it’ll be fun.”
Spoiler alert: it is not fun.
The Forest of Death is home to every terrifying creature in existence and a bunch of semi-sentient killer trees, and all of them hate intruders in their home so they keep trying to remove the intruders by whatever means necessary. It’s a really great defensive measure for the village since the forest hugs the circumference of like half the village and keeps enemies from finding their home too easily.
Unfortunately, in this case, the intruders are Team 7 and the forest doesn’t care that they’re a bunch of underqualified twelve-year-olds; it just wants them gone.
Kakashi, because he’s clearly sadistic and hates children, skips ahead of them the entire time and refuses to intervene, cheerfully calling back critiques on their technique and equally unhelpful encouragement.
By the time they make it to the campsite their sensei had in mind, Sakura and Sasuke are pretty much dead on their feet, and Naruto is all but carrying them along. Sakura had given in and slumped against him ages ago. Sasuke, to his credit, held out pretty well until an hour ago, when he tripped over a root and almost didn’t get back up. They’re barely any help in setting up the site, cursing and hissing through getting tents up for all four of them and starting a fire while Naruto works on laying down traps and alerts around their space and sets a few snares to catch their breakfast.
They eat instant ramen for dinner, so at least it’s all worth it in the end. Although Sakura looks dangerously close to passing out and drowning in her bowl. Sasuke watches her with rapt attention that could easily be mistaken for concern, but Naruto knows better—the jackass likes to record his teammates doing embarrassing things with his sharingan when he thinks no one else is looking.
“Mah, the trip wasn’t that difficult, was it?” Kakashi wonders softly. “We’re only on the fringes of the forest, after all. It only gets worse the further you go in.”
His tone is light enough that it could be mistaken for casual or amused, and Naruto almost rises in indignation, halfway to squawking out a righteous defence of himself and his team. But then he pauses and takes careful sniff of the air, immediately frowning.
Kakashi might sound nonchalant and aloof, but he smells an awful lot like fear.
‘Sensei is a liar,’ Naruto thinks with startling clarity.
He had known, to some degree. Kakashi likes to keep them on their toes and, sometimes, lying is part of the way he likes to teach. Besides, he’s a shinobi. They are all liars by trade, and Kakashi-sensei is nothing if not very good at his job.
But, somehow, this is different. It occurs to Naruto just how often he catches hints of this fear in Kakashi’s otherwise familiar scent. He hasn’t ever stopped to really think about it before, mostly because he has been kind of convinced that maybe Kakashi just smells like that. But, no, it’s obvious now. His sensei is afraid.
Afraid of what, though?
Naruto narrows his eyes and sniffs again. ‘Fear,’ he thinks again, frowning. Or perhaps…concern? For them?
“Huh,” he says out loud, staring back blankly when Kakashi looks at him curiously. “You sure are a strange guy, sensei.”
Eyebrow shooting up, Kakashi’s scent loses some of its edge as his shoulders relax ever so slightly. “You think so?”
Nodding sagely, Naruto slumps into the man’s side rather decisively. Kakashi stiffens and relaxes in two fluid breaths, one hand lifting automatically to drop into Naruto’s hair and ruffle it. The motion is still experimental, but a lot surer than when Kakashi first started this tentative show of affection. More aimed at human children than puppies now. Sensei sure has come a long way.
Sakura isn’t a fan of how it messes up her hair and Sasuke is allergic to all affection if he can see it coming, but Naruto rather likes it. He basks in it now, prodding at Kakashi’s chakra insistently until it slowly curls around his own.
“We’re going to be fine, Bakashi-sensei,” Naruto states, with every ounce of surety he has ever felt in his twelve years.
Kakashi tilts his head. “Yeah?”
“Uh huh.” Naruto yawns. “You’re teaching us, aren’t you?”
A quiet huff of laughter followed by the gentle scratching of blunt nails against his scalp, and Naruto tries not to preen too visibly for getting Kakashi to actually sort of relax for once.
“I suppose I am.”
And that’s the best Kakashi can do for them really. Words of affection are pointless with no action to back them up, and in their world, there is no better way Kakashi could have proven that he cares than equipping them with the tools they will need for survival; building them up to the point where they will no longer need him to protect them one day.
Kakashi-sensei might be a liar, but in this way at least, he is painfully earnest.
Things go to hell during the chunin exams.
Sasuke leaves. The bastard who had been a part of the closest thing Naruto has had to a family, the boy who had come to understand him with no need for words between them, who let Naruto sleep on his shoulder and glared at mean villagers and held Naruto’s hand when either of them woke up from nightmares. The boy who had been angry and sad and afraid, and so so kind despite it all.
Sasuke leaves, and Naruto thinks that a part of him leaves with him.
He’s fifteen by the time he and Jiraiya return to the village for good, and finally taller than Sakura. She laughs and punches him in the shoulder when he points this out to her, and Naruto grins because he has always been the only one who manages to make her cackle that particular way. It isn’t a pretty laugh, but it’s loud and open and one of Naruto’s favourite sounds in the world.
He’s unspeakably glad to hear it again.
Iruka is pretty much unchanged, and he’s unspeakably glad for that too. The man had been slightly awkward at first—everyone had, to be honest; no one knowing what to expect from him after three years of little to no contact…and puberty—but by the time their ramen bowls are set down before them, he’s rolling his eyes and trying to hide his fond grins like no time has passed at all. He nags at Naruto about vegetables, listens to every story he tells with rapt attention and indulgent fondness, and then insists on paying for lunch.
And then, there’s Kakashi. Outwardly, the man is pretty much the same. He’s just as obsessed with his pervy books, his hair is still silver in the sunlight, and he still wears his sadness like a second skin. He still smells vaguely sour like fear. They don’t hug or do any of the sentimental stuff because Kakashi is basically allergic to that stuff. This is still the man who gave them awkward headpats and not a word more after their first near-death experience after all.
Naruto has missed him more than he thought he would or will likely ever admit to.
In other ways though, Kakashi is different. He stands just a little bit taller, his shoulders seeming less weighed down by whatever his unseen burden is. His face is less sunken in, his build just a bit fuller, his skin just a little less transparent looking. He looks healthier.
And he has definitely gotten a lot stronger. Even with Naruto and Sakura’s new skills, sensei doesn’t appear to actually struggle against them all that much for all that he is taking them more seriously than he has ever deigned to. They manage to snag the bells in the end, by subterfuge because they’re shinobi and anything goes, but Naruto has to wonder how they’d do in an actual fight.
At the very least, though, Kakashi doesn’t smell afraid anymore. That, more than anything else, tells Naruto that he and Sakura have made it to a point where they are truly strong. Apparently, enough so that their silly old sensei can finally stop worrying about their wellbeing.
Naruto grins and claps Kakashi’s shoulder. “You’ve done well, sensei,” he declares sincerely.
Seated on the ground beside him, Sakura snorts as she redoes the bandages around her knuckles.
Kakashi raises his eyebrows, looking distinctly amused. “Isn’t that supposed to be my line?” He shakes his head when Naruto shrugs and turns an appraising eye to Sakura. “You should get gloves,” he suggests. “They might help.”
Studying her hands, Naruto nods in agreement. “Might also keep your nail polish from chipping all the time.” He aims a grin at Kakashi and helpfully informs, “Sakura-chan said she would do my nails for me.”
“I found the orangiest orange I could,” Sakura adds. “We were going to get dinner together. Do you want to join us, sensei?”
“He has to! It’s my first night back.” Frowning at the considering way Sakura is eyeing Kakashi, Naruto turns to the man with furrowed brows. “You’re coming, right? You’ve got to.”
From the way, Kakashi hesitates, it’s clear that isn’t going to happen. Naruto can’t quite keep the disbelief off his face and Kakashi winces at the sight of it, promptly looking away. “I’m sorry, Naruto, Sakura,” he offers, rubbing at the back of his head sheepishly. “I have to leave for a mission right after sunrise. You’re going to have to enjoy your dinner without me.”
“You can do whatever you’ve got to do after dinner,” Naruto insists. “Come on, old man, don’t be a buzzkill.”
Kakashi shrugs. “Maybe next time, Naruto-kun.” He hesitates for a second before lifting his hands to ruffle through both their hair. “You both did well today. Good job.” And then he’s gone before Naruto can even blink, sunshining away because sensei is a coward.
“What the fuck,” Naruto says.
Sakura hums. “He has been avoiding me since you left,” she says, tilting her head. “I’m not surprised by this, to be honest.”
Her tone is carefully level, but she smells like sadness and her mouth is pinched at the edges the way it always is when she’s upset. Naruto frowns and reaches for her hand, hooking their pinkies together. She aims a small, pained smile at him.
“It’s not your fault he’s being Bakashi-sensei,” he tells her firmly. “We can worry about him and his weirdness later. Let’s get dinner first, yeah?”
Her smile becomes a bit more genuine. “Ramen.”
Naruto bites down the instinctive urge to say yes. Instead, he bumps their shoulders together. “Whatever you want,” he says. “Didn’t you mention some sushi place you wanted to try?”
Eyeing him, Sakura ventures, “Really?”
“Really.”
He’s rewarded with a bright grin for that, and Sakura lets his hand go to link their arms together instead. “No takebacks,” she warns him. “Oh, do you want to just stay the night since you’re coming over later anyways?”
“Will your mom be okay with that?” he asks her mildly. Sakura’s parents have a history of being kind of…skittish around him. They’ve never said anything outright mean, but they always seem on edge whenever he’s around.
Sakura’s face twists into a scowl of annoyance. “She’s going to be whether she likes it or not,” she promises heatedly, dragging him along with purposeful steps.
Naruto laughs and falls into step beside her. It’s good to be back home.
There’s a basket of fruits sitting on his dining table when he makes it to his apartment the next morning. It’s full of mandarins and mangoes and one sweet melon. Naruto plucks off the note attached.
‘Eat well. Welcome back,’ it reads. There’s a hasty drawing of a grinning dog at the bottom. It’s cute in an ugly sort of way.
He sighs and shakes his head. “Silly sensei.”
A lot of things change soon after. Team 7 is thrown back together, this time with the additions of Captain Yamato and Sai. Naruto has to get used to fighting with a team again, but the four of them work surprisingly well together. Kakashi is stuck in a hospital from (you guessed it) chakra exhaustion thanks to the sharingan.
It’s…mostly okay. He likes Captain Yamato even though the man is kind of stilted sometimes. He’s even more awkward about the sentimental stuff than Kakashi, but more like he’s just inexperienced than averse. Naruto can work with that.
Captain Yamato is a total beast in training too, but that’s okay. By now, Naruto knows that this is just the easiest way for shinobi to express care in a world that does not allow them much softness. They beat each other into the ground and never let up because that’s the most effective way to improve. Improvement means growing stronger which means that it’ll likely help them stay alive that much longer.
Sai is super weird, admittedly, but he can be unexpectedly and unintentionally funny sometimes, and Naruto can work with that too.
He still misses Sasuke like a limb.
Running into him and Orochimaru just makes the longing worse, admittedly. Getting so close to the one he has been chasing for all this time and then having him slip through his fingers—it sucks; there’s no other way to describe it.
Sakura isn’t really a comfort. Her sadness and hurt bubble underneath her skin until they break surface and promptly turn into a seething rage that Naruto just doesn’t have the capacity to deal with. Captain Yamato and Sai, emotionally inept as they are, aren’t much help either.
Times like these, Naruto is unbearably grateful for Iruka’s presence in his life. His old teacher has always been willing to make time and listen, providing a shoulder to lean on and words of advice whenever Naruto has turned to him.
“I still miss Sasuke,” Naruto admits to him after a quiet dinner at Iruka’s place, pursing his lips at his murky reflection in the cup of barley tea that is placed before him. “I’ve heard some of the stuff people are saying about him these days, but—” He pauses. “Does that make me a bad person?”
Iruka’s entire demeanour softens so obviously that Naruto notices even when he isn’t look at him. A gentle hand come to rest on his shoulder. “Of course not, Naruto,” Iruka assures. “You care for Sasuke-kun. Things like that can’t be helped so easily. Especially when you have a heart as big as yours.”
“I just wish he was back home.”
“Naturally. He’s your friend, isn’t he?”
Naruto bites his lip. “He’s my friend,” he says, “but…I don’t think I’m his.”
Iruka squeezes his shoulder, dark eyes pained but warm with understanding. “Sometimes, when people have been in pain for so long, it—well, it becomes comfortable for them to stay that way. If you spend enough time with anything, you start liking it—even sadness. And it’s a lot easier to hurt by yourself when you’ve managed to push everyone away who could help you.”
Looking up at Iruka with furrowed brows, Naruto asks, “Why would anyone want to stay hurting?”
“Because at least it’s familiar.” Iruka shrugs, his smile wry. “It’s hard to imagine what it would be like to not stay hurting.”
Naruto presses his lips together. “I’m not going to give up on him,” he says after a moment. “Sasuke may have given up on himself, but I won’t. He’s still my friend, and I’m going to stay until he realises that I’m still his friend too, and then I’m going to bring him back home.”
“Okay,” Iruka agrees, soft and kind.
“I just want him to be happy.”
“I know, Naruto.”
Hesitating, Naruto quietly ventures, “Can I—can I get a hug, Iruka-sensei?”
Without a word, Iruka kneels beside his chair and guides Naruto’s head to rest on his shoulder, pulling him into a firm embrace. Naruto closes his eyes and relaxes against him.
They stay that way for a while.
He starts training with Kakashi again. It’s just as hellish as the first time around.
“You’re still a total slave driver,” Naruto complains to the ground, lying face down in the same spot Kakashi had handily shot put him five minutes ago. Even with the kyuubi healing him, Naruto’s muscles hurt in places they probably should not be hurting. “Didn’t you, like, just get out of the hospital?”
A sandal prods him in the ribs until he scoots away in annoyance. The sandal follows, insistent, and Naruto turns his head just enough to shoot Kakashi a stink eye.
Kakashi smiles back, unbothered. He isn’t even sweating, which Naruto takes as the personal offence it obviously is. “Tsunade-sama is very good at healing,” he provides. “Come on, you’ve got a few more spars in you. That’s enough rest.”
Groaning, he pushes himself to sit up and lets Kakashi haul him back to his feet. “Buy me ice cream after training,” he demands.
Kakashi shoots him a narrow look. “You’re going to get fat eating like that.”
Naruto scowls at him. “And I bet I’ll still be badass! Look at Chouji.”
“You’d have to train even harder to accommodate fighting with a body you aren’t used to,” his teacher tells him, tilting his head. “It’s a lot of hard work.”
“Then I’d just work hard and do that.”
Eyebrow rising, Kakashi snorts. “You haven’t even won any of our spars in training today,” he points out.
Naruto scowls even harder, pointing at his sensei with a glare. “I’ll win this time!” he promises. “Just you wait and watch, old man!”
“If you win, I’ll consider buying you that ice cream.”
In the end, Naruto doesn’t win. He does fix the taijutsu form he’d been struggling with all day though, so Kakashi buys him an ice cream anyway. The man is totally soft-hearted like that.
Naruto waits till Kakashi has his own popsicle unwrapped before casually bringing up, “Sakura-chan says you’re avoiding us.” Pausing, he amends, “Her. She thinks you’re avoiding her. I mean, you’re totally avoiding both of us, but definitely her more than me.”
From the wide-eyed look frozen on his face, one would think Naruto just told Kakashi that he sold the man’s entire Icha Icha collection for profit and fun. Now, there’s a thought…
Slowly, as if through a mouthful of molasses, Kakashi says, “I’m not…avoiding you. Either of you.”
Naruto stares at him for a moment before sighing. “Man, even I’m not that dumb, sensei,” he says. “Sakura-chan certainly isn’t. If you’re going to lie, you should at least put some more effort into it.”
Kakashi winces. “It’s not like I meant to.”
Naruto considers this, tilting his head in thought. “Maybe not at first,” he says, deciding to go with it and allow his teacher the benefit of doubt, “but you must have noticed too. And then you chose to keep doing it.” He levels the jounin with a stern look. “It’s totally uncool of you, you know. Sakura-chan is genuinely upset about it. I am too. We’re a team. You’re the one who taught us that we have to stick together.”
“I deserved that,” Kakashi admits, flinching slightly. He shifts in discomfort, gaze skittering as if looking to escape. He could if he wanted to—they’re on the curb of an open street and Naruto isn’t as fast as him, but it would also mean a worse confrontation further down the line. Naruto isn’t above going to Iruka in tears and siccing him on Kakashi’s tail either, so it’d just be more trouble than it’s worth really. Wisely, Kakashi stays put.
“So,” Naruto says conversationally, “why’d you do it?”
Kakashi sighs and spares him a sidelong glance before turning back to the street. “I didn’t mean to, at first,” he confirms after a moment’s pause. “Things were just so busy in the village after the Sand Invasion. It was all hands on deck for weeks and I just wasn’t around. Then, by the time I was, Sakura-chan had already managed to convince Tsunade-sama to be her master.”
Naruto blinks and stares. Kakashi studiously avoids his gaze and doesn’t squirm even though every muscle in his body is clearly tense as though waiting for a blow.
“You—” He stops, eyes narrowing into a squint. “Damn, sensei. I’m sorry all of us kind of replaced you. It wasn’t really your fault.”
“I’ve heard that one before,” Kakashi remarks dryly.
Naruto makes a face. “I’m not ripping off a break up speech,” he defends himself. Kakashi snorts and Naruto whacks his arm. “I’m not. I’m trying to be serious here, you know! It’s not your fault. I think all of us were just desperate to get stronger as quickly as possible.”
“You sure know how to make a guy feel better, Naruto,” Kakashi drawls.
He promptly gets whacked again for the attitude. Naruto pouts, brows furrowing even further when his sensei takes one look at his face and snorts.
“Tell me you wouldn’t have jumped at the chance to learn from one of the Sannin,” Naruto challenges, crossing his arms. “I know you’re super strong and all, sensei, but Sasuke wants to be the strongest, which means that Sakura-chan and I can’t afford to fall behind.”
“I understand, Naruto-kun,” Kakashi says softly.
“It was, like, a career choice, you know. Like, it had nothing to do with you, no offense. Things just ended up that way and we went to our best possible options because being enterprising is a shinobi thing, right? And—”
“I understand, Naruto-kun,” Kakashi repeats, firmer, reaching out to gently flick Naruto on the forehead and put a stop to his tirade. “You don’t have to Talk-no-jutsu me.”
Naruto gapes. “What the fuck is that supposed to be?”
“Like it?” Kakashi’s eye curves in a smile. “Shikamaru came up with it. Something about your speeches being your ultimate attack. I think it’s catchy.”
“It is not!” Naruto refutes immediately, horrified, ears burning. “Stop laughing, sensei! And don’t think I don’t see you trying to deflect. It’s not going to work!” He narrows his eyes and levels a finger at Kakashi’s face. “You’ve gotta apologise to Sakura-chan, okay? Just because she chose to start learning under Tsunade-sama doesn't mean she wanted to stop seeing you, you silly old man. She must have thought you hated her or something—that’s totally uncool. She won’t admit it, but you really hurt her, you know.”
Kakashi winces, but sighs and nods. “You’re right,” he admits quietly. “I’ll talk to her soon and apologise, okay?”
“You’d better,” Naruto threatens, eyeing the man suspiciously. “We’re all still Team 7. Abandoning our friends isn’t allowed—you’re the one who taught us that, dummy.”
“I did, didn’t I?” Kakashi smiles and scrubs a hand through Naruto’s hair. “Thanks, Naruto.”
Naruto peers at him. “So, you’ll stop being an idiot and running away? You promise?”
“I promise.”
“Good.”
Kakashi offers him another smile. “The talk-no-jutsu is still strong as ever, huh?”
Naruto groans. “Stop calling it that!”
“I thought you always wanted a specially named unique attack?”
“Not this way!”
“I think it’s very distinctive, personally.”
“You’re such an asshole, sensei.”
Naruto doesn’t know when Kakashi talks to Sakura or what he says, but the next time they meet up for his training, Kakashi shows up with a bruise blooming on his cheekbone, half hidden by the mask, and with a satisfied looking Sakura in tow.
He stares at them for a second before blurting out, “Did you punch him, Sakura-chan?”
“She broke the bone too,” Kakashi pipes up, informative as ever.
Sakura sniffs at him and comes to stand beside Naruto. “I fixed it too, didn’t I? Be grateful.”
“Thank you, Sakura-chan,” comes the dutiful response.
Naruto grins at them. Both of them smell a little less sad now than they did before. Some of the anger has faded from the perpetual cloud that clings to Sakura.
It seems like Team 7 is back in action.
Things pretty much go straight to hell soon after that.
In the blink of an eye, two years have passed. It’s one attack after the other. Naruto somehow befriends the chakra beast sealed within him. There’s a war. People die. They have to defeat a fucking goddess. Naruto and Sasuke blow off each other’s arms because neither of them knows how to truly leave well enough alone when it comes to each other.
Against all odds, Team 7 makes it back to Konoha in relatively one piece.
At long last, the shinobi world is at peace again. A better one this time. They’re all trying their best to make this one last. It’s all they can do really.
Sasuke leaves again, but this time, at least, he promises to come back eventually. Naruto is sad to see him go—he can’t help it—but he doesn’t protest. He has done what he can to show Sasuke that he doesn't need to hold onto his grief; that Sasuke doesn’t need to carry his burden alone and that he deserves to heal just as much as anyone else. The rest is up to Sasuke now. Naruto will be right here if his friend ever needs him.
Sakura starts training under Tsunade to take over the hospital in a few years. Naruto finally receives his promotion to jounin and starts his own training to become Hokage. Their guess is he’ll be ready by the time he’s twenty-two at the latest. It’s very likely he’ll break his father’s record for the youngest Hokage.
In the meantime, Kakashi becomes Rokudaime Hokage and gets the big fancy house that comes with the big fancy job. Sakura and Naruto take one look at the place and play a round of rock-paper-scissors to decide who gets to pick their room first without bothering to wait for Kakashi’s input. He’s even richer now than he was before—apparently, this disqualifies him from having a say in who gets to live in his mansion. It’s not like he doesn’t have the room.
So, Sakura finally moves out of her parents’ house and Naruto gets to leave behind his own hole-in-the-wall. Kakashi gets two new roommates who eat all his food and bully him about his ugly new hat. They’re all a happy little family.
Gai sheds actual man-tears when he finds out because he’s so happy for Kakashi.
Tsunade, on the other hand, laughs in the man’s face for five minutes straight because she’s so entertained by his suffering.
And Kakashi, for all his complaining and sighing, smells a little less like sadness with each passing day, so Naruto knows he can’t hate them hijacking his house nearly as much as he claims.
Sensei is still a liar, it seems.
All in all, though, everything is finally right. Life is good.
Naruto just wishes the dreams would stop.
He doesn’t get them every night, but the nightmares are a regular enough feature that Sakura catches on pretty quickly. She gets them too, Naruto knows. They have an unspoken agreement that when one gets a nightmare, they can go wake the other up for comfort, no strings attached. More often than not, this ends up in impromptu sleepovers. If Kakashi notices just how often Sakura and Naruto end up rooming together, he doesn’t mention.
Of course, that gets harder to do as time goes on. Sakura’s shifts at the hospital pick up, as does the rate of missions that Naruto gets assigned to. They aren’t home together at night quite as often anymore.
Tonight is one such night. Sakura has a night shift and Kakashi is probably sleeping in his quarters at the office, as he tends to do whenever he is working on a big project since it is just more convenient for him. Naruto is left in a big house by himself, nothing but the echoes of a bad dream and a sleeping Nine-Tails for company.
He lays awake in his bed, staring emptily at the ceiling, contemplating whether it’d be worth it to wake Kurama up just so Naruto wouldn’t have to be alone. As tempted as he is, Naruto can’t quite bring himself to do it. He tries his hardest to be as nice to Kurama as he can and give him as much autonomy as possible. Barging into their shared mind-space while Kurama is unaware and vulnerable would be kind of unfair.
Instead, he decides to make himself a cup of tea. He’s pretty sure he saw a slice of strawberry shortcake in the fridge earlier—maybe it will make him feel better to eat his feelings away tonight. Sakura will probably forgive him if he looks pathetic enough. She’s weak for him like that. Best friend privileges have saved Naruto’s life more than once.
Decision made, Naruto drags himself out of bed and pads down the stairs on bare feet to the kitchen. Except, he never quite makes it there because, halfway through, he realises that there’s a faint white glow coming from the living room.
Needless to say, Naruto’s heart almost falls out of his ass and, for a horrible second, he’s convinced their house is haunted and this is how he’s going to die.
But then he registers the soft sound of typing coming from the room.
Bewildered and incredulous, Naruto pokes his head through the doorway and blinks. “Kakashi-sensei?” He rubs at his eyes and looks again to be sure. “What are you doing here?”
Kakashi looks up and lifts a brow at Naruto. “What am I doing here?” he repeats slowly. “In my own house, you mean?”
Naruto huffs and enters the living room proper. “I thought you’d be sleeping at the Tower tonight.”
The man shrugs. “Should you even be up at this time?”
For a moment, Naruto considers telling him. Kakashi has dealt with nightmares too, undoubtedly. He had a sharingan that kept perfect record of his most stressful memories for years after all. But they don’t really…talk about that kind of stuff.
Naruto cares about his sensei, and he knows that Kakashi cares about his team like they’re his own kids too. But the man doesn’t really do well in emotional situations. He shies away from talking about his past and suffering, and he clearly panics when he doesn’t know what to say in response to someone else’s distress. He gives his students awkward headpats after life-or-death situations. Naruto isn’t going to make the man suffer this way.
So, instead, he offers a noncommittal shrug. “I have a day off tomorrow. I can just sleep in.” Then, he pauses and narrows his eyes. “What are you doing here at this time?”
“Just getting some work done,” Kakashi replies shortly. He pats the space beside him on the sofa. “Would you like to join me?”
Without even having to think about it twice, Naruto shuffles over and drops into the offered seat. He peers at Kakashi’s screen through squinted eyes, blinking at the brightness even though the device is on its dimmest setting. “What are you even doing?”
“Reading a report about a potential technological investment,” Kakashi answers, leaning back slightly so Naruto can get a better look.
Now, Naruto has been getting a lot better about reading reports thanks to his gruelling training, but he swears that some of the words in this report are just outright made up. There’s no way they can be real, with that many consonants and syllables.
“What the fuck?” he mumbles, leaning in even further because maybe being closer will help him make sense of what his tired eyes are looking at.
He feels Kakashi laugh at his side more than he hears him. “We received a more abridged version too,” he says. “Don’t worry. You won’t have to read something like this if you don’t want to.”
Naruto turns to stare at his teacher. “I forget sometimes that you’re, like, crazy smart.”
Kakashi’s mouth twitches under his mask, and he reaches out to ruffle Naruto’s hair. Naruto gladly leans into his hand, shamelessly soaking up the contact for how it physically grounds him in reality after his nightmare.
“Why are you reading this version if there’s a shorter one?” he asks, tipping into Kakashi’s side.
Arm neatly wrapping around his shoulders, Kakashi hums. “Because I enjoy it.” He laughs at the blank look Naruto levels at him. “I’ve always liked learning.”
“Nerd,” Naruto quips instantly. “I thought the only thing you read were your pervy books.”
Kakashi looks at him dryly before pointedly turning to the large bookcase in the living room, only one shelf of which is occupied by the Icha Icha series. Naruto knows that the rest are a varying collection of everything from adventure fantasies to boring stuff like economic theory.
He shrugs. “They could have been there for show.”
Snorting, Kakashi shakes his head and sighs dramatically. “Oh, ye of little faith.”
“I have faith in your perverseness, sensei,” Naruto assures him seriously.
Kakashi aims to look offended, but his mouth keeps trying to curve into an obvious smile. “You used to be such cute kids before all of you became so disrespectful,” the man laments.
Naruto scoffs. “Now that’s just a lie,” he states. “We were never respectful.”
Kakashi openly laughs at that and ruffles Naruto’s hair again. “True. You were cute though,” he says, sounding nostalgic. “Colourful brats, the lot of you. Like ducklings.”
“Puppies,” Naruto corrects. “You kept treating us like puppies.”
“I wasn’t very experienced with kids,” Kakashi admits.
“Believe me, we could tell,” Naruto assures him dryly.
Flicking him on the forehead, Kakashi shakes his head. “That’s enough out of you. Let me finish my report.”
At least he isn’t kicking Naruto out. Deciding to not look a gift horse in the mouth, Naruto dutifully shuts his mouth and settles back against Kakashi’s shoulder, watching through half-lidded eyes as Kakashi scrolls through his report of scientific jargon and types up notes in another document.
The living room is peacefully quiet, only the sound of Kakashi’s soft typing breaking the silence. His teacher is a cushion of warmth at his side, dressed in a soft cotton full-sleeved shirt and smelling like laundry detergent, papers, and tea. It is all almost enough to lull Naruto back to sleep, surrounded as he is by the presence of a man he trusts to keep him safe.
Which is when he all but jolts awake, struck by realisation.
“You did this on purpose,” Naruto breathes softly, eyes widening slightly.
“Hmm?”
Naruto sits up straight so he can stare at his sensei as this new information tries to slot itself into the rest of the puzzle in his head. Because Kakashi-sensei isn’t stupid by any means. He’s actually very, very smart. And there’s no way he hasn’t noticed Naruto’s recurrent nightmares or his and Sakura’s sleeping arrangements.
And then, on a night when Sakura isn’t there, sensei just—what? Happens to be hanging around in their living room in the middle of the night, all soft and comforting without even trying, joking with Naruto and holding him and methodically setting him at ease.
Which means that, all this time that Naruto has been sparing this man whenever he has needed comfort, Kakashi has been perfectly capable of providing it to him if only Naruto went looking.
But—He pauses. No. Kakashi-sensei genuinely is kind of inept at saying the right thing in emotional settings. Headpats in life-or-death situations are a stark reminder of this fact. Kakashi cares, of course, but he’s bad at actually saying the words.
If he can get away without saying anything, he will. Avoiding Sakura and Naruto had been easier than actually asking if they still wanted him around in his life. Kakashi has that tendency of processing the facts, making his conclusions, and then moving on without a word. And then, when Naruto had confronted him, he had responded with severe discomfort and attempted to deflect.
“Naruto?” Kakashi prods tentatively.
He doesn’t ask ‘Are you okay?’
But he means it even without words, Naruto realises. From the furrow of his brow and the hand on Naruto’s shoulder. There is a quiet fear in his scent again.
‘Concern,’ his brain provides. He’s used to how it smells on Kakashi-sensei.
And now that he’s thinking about it, he realises just how much Kakashi says without words.
It’s in the way he used to let Naruto hide behind him in public, how he meticulously corrected his hand signs without complaint until he got them right, and all but trained himself into giving and accepting physical affection. It’s in a camping trip in the Forest of Death where, only a week later, they’d found themselves again for the second round of the chunin exams. It’s in the distance kept from Naruto and Sakura when they’d sought out other teachers because Kakashi had assumed they had spoken his language and expressed their wordless rejection of him.
It's in every basket of food left on Naruto’s dining table, in every note that reminded him to eat healthy so he would grow well.
He hadn’t known at twelve, but Naruto knows now. At seventeen, he finally understands just how fucked up the world of shinobi really is. He understands how fleeting everything is for people like them who have made subterfuge and violence their bread and butter. He knows how much Kakashi-sensei has really lost.
It’s a shinobi tendency, when it all comes down to it. They don’t say these things because saying them out loud makes them real. Real things, tangible things—the things you care about end up getting used against you. Loving nothing means grieving nothing. Like a fox staring at the berries on the other side of a fence with a snare in between.
Naruto thinks he’s going to lose his mind.
Shinobi are all so similar in this way. They care so much; they love so much, because despite their best efforts, they cannot help being human even in a world of hurt. If they keep quiet, they can pretend it isn’t real. In the meantime, they link pinkie fingers and buy nail polish in someone else’s favourite colour and give each other fruit and beat each other into the ground with the wordless promise of ‘I will make you strong enough, so you no longer need me to protect you.’
Kakashi is no exception. He has no idea what to say to sentiment, and he wouldn’t say a word even if he did, and yet—
For all his silence and his lies, Kakashi is practically screaming with how much he cares.
Because they can’t help the way that the sweetness of a mouthful of berries makes them think it might be worth it to step into a snare. What’s a little bit of blood and bone when they all come down to it in the end? There is longing here and now, a hunger that is easily fed.
Naruto knows all about longing; he chased halfway across the continent after a boy who used to hold his hand after bad dreams.
“Naruto?” Kakashi repeats and he’s starting to look seriously alarmed now.
Naruto blinks. “I think my brain just exploded.”
This does not ease the alarm from Kakashi’s face. If anything, he looks even more worried now. “What?”
“You did this on purpose,” Naruto says again. “You knew this whole time.”
Realisation crosses Kakashi’s face. He tilts his head. “Well, the eye bags are a little hard to ignore.” He shrugs. “Why else would you be awake right now if not for a mission or a nightmare?”
Naruto stares. “You used to really confuse me when we were genin,” he informs abruptly.
Eyebrows shooting up, Kakashi blinks. “I see.”
“I think I get it now though.”
Looking equal parts intrigued and amused, Kakashi’s mouth quirks up. “Oh?” There is something unsure in his countenance, but he does well to hide it.
Sensei has always been a liar.
“Yeah,” Naruto confirms, nodding decisively. He settles back against Kakashi’s shoulder and closes his eyes, finally feeling settled now that his longstanding puzzle has finally been solved. Kakashi is still warm and soft and comforting. “You’re our silly sensei who cares too much, who won’t say it, but can’t help but show it anyways.” He yawns. “A fox in a snare.”
Kakashi clearly has no idea what to say to any of that. He holds himself carefully still, although Naruto can tell he wants to tense if only out of confusion. He doesn’t though, because that might dislodge his sleepy student who is starting to doze against his shoulder.
If he were more awake, Naruto might laugh at that and how it proves his point.
Foxes and berries, blood and bone, love and loss.
They’re all the same. All of them staring at their snares and thinking about a mouthful of sweetness, holding their tongues and hesitating at the edge of the field, holding hands and giving strength, forever afraid of speaking words that will make things real.
That’s okay, though, Naruto thinks, consciousness slowly slipping away.
Because Naruto knows all about longing and hunger. He will step into that snare for the mouthful of sweetness. What is a little blood and bone if they all come down to it in the end? What is worth it if not love? What has worth got to do living?
If you’re hungry, you hunt. If something goes wrong, bite through it. There will always be more, after all. More berries, more barbed wire, more blood, more life. There will always be hunger, and they will always be unable to help the want for a taste of something new. There is hesitation now, but there will be hunger soon, and the promise of something sweet lies just beyond the fence.
They are all shinobi, all of them the same in this way. Foxes in snares with a mouthful of berries.
Content, Naruto sleeps.